PDA

View Full Version : Dealing with regret



Obsidian
July 7th, 2018, 07:12 PM
I know most everyone has done stupid things to their hair, things they have regretted. I've always experimented with the mindset "its just hair, it will grow back" and for the most part, I still feel this way.

Its been close to a year since I decided to give up henna. I don't necessarily regret that, I wanted to see how grey I was and henna is always easy to go back to. What I am regretting is the way I went around getting rid of henna. A couple chops, a few rounds of bleach and finally a pair of clippers and a buzz cut got me back blonde.

My progress has been slow, I've constantly colored and cut trying to find a look that made me feel like me. I've been all shades of blonde, blue and even pink. In the last three weeks, I've been through 2 box dyes and color remover. I still hate my hair, I still feel ugly and boring. Worse is I'm killing my hair and I know I won't stop.

I was looking through pictures of my henna head earlier and almost broke out in tears. I had lovely hair, it was getting long enough to do updos, I felt special and like I had finally found myself. My hair was the longest I had ever had. Why did I cut it? Why did I leave something I loved? I was beginning to feel like I was too old for bright hair but now I look old and unhappy.

I so regret that first hair cut last year, the one that sent my spiraling down to a buzz cut. All that time wasted, all that virgin hair gone. I feel like a idiot, the regret is real. I'm thawing out my henna, if I have my way I will go to my deathbed with dragon breath hair.

embee
July 7th, 2018, 07:24 PM
Much sympathy on your unfortunate journey and choices. Yyou know what you're looking for now. Goals are important, and many people here will offer support - we've all made bad choices ourselves.

Happy growing to you!

-Fern
July 7th, 2018, 07:48 PM
I regret cutting more than a foot of hair off a few months ago. I don't feel like myself with shorter hair. So I absolutely understand how it can feel downright disorienting to not have it anymore. Along with feelings of loss and guilt sprinkled in.

But it will grow back. I breathe, and I remind myself that I am me no matter what, my hair is just...one of my favorite expressions of myself.

And that to get back to my goal, I have to stick to the plan and take care of it. For me, it is really hard not to straighten it at this length, because my hair is so thick it kind of sticks straight out from my head unless I slick it back with gel. Bleh.

But the goal is to get back to waist length, and beyond. I have to be honest with myself that that might take two years, but... It's worth it. :o
https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=26880&d=1492467764

DoomKitty
July 7th, 2018, 08:40 PM
Oh Obsidian...I just want to give you a big hug and tell you it'll all be okay. I guess that's the Mum side of me lol. I'm sorry you're having a rough time.

Obsidian
July 7th, 2018, 09:00 PM
Thanks ladies, your words help and no one else would understand how I'm feeling right now.

I'm hoping that I will feel better once I get the henna rinsed out. Its weird how soothing the scent of henna is right now. I'm not looking forward to the initial carrot juice color though, my hair is so light blond it will probably be pretty bright. I'm planning on doing another application tomorrow then hiding until it oxidizes.

emilyogini
July 7th, 2018, 11:08 PM
Last year I had long virgin brunette hair down to mid back and creeping towards waist; that was the longest I'd ever had too. I was so happy and finally comfortable! Then in October (after a slew of chops + experimenting with balayage/bleaching all for a not-worth-it significant other who kept saying my long hair was always in the way, why don't I try lightening it, he likes short hair, blah blah blah) it eventually ended up in a jaw length style with baby bangs. There's still some blonde left, but I'm definitely growing it all back out now and getting back to myself. But I feel you. If you feel like an idiot, I'm just plain dumb! I sure did dump that guy not long after--for a FEW reasons ;-)

Strawonaberry
July 7th, 2018, 11:44 PM
I understand how you're feeling :( but I want to tell you that you're not an idiot for having wanted to experiment something with your hair! We all get the urge now and then, I think it's natural. And you can never now for sure if you're making the right decision, on any kind of matter, until you see the outcome.
Please don't be so hard on yourself, your hair won't magically grow because of you dwelling on it, it'll just make you bitter.

I found comfort in this kind of situation by appreciating every little hair pampering, like "this hair mask smells so nice, it makes my hair so soft", etc.
I wish you a good growing journey! :)

Kat
July 8th, 2018, 12:36 AM
I'm sorry you went through this. :(

I think going back to henna and having bright hair is fine! But what about just slowing down, stopping, breathing for a while? You said you have gone through many colors trying to find one that feels like "you"-- but is it possible you're just so used to the henna color that you need time to get used to your original color or another color, and then it won't feel so foreign to you? (Especially if you're already also feeling anxious about the chop). If your henna color is the one you want, then absolutely wear it, but if there is a reason you quit it and you are only going back to it because it feels safe and familiar and you're not sure what other color to have, it's possible you might only need time to get used to the difference?

(I don't want to try to tell you I know what you want or what is going on in your head better than you do, and maybe you already thought all of that through-- as you said, maybe it will just continue to bother you too much-- but I have known people before who did need time to become accustomed to a new look, and then were more easily able to decide whether it was really for them or not-- whether they realized they liked it, or that it did need to change.)

Stray_mind
July 8th, 2018, 01:37 AM
If i hadn't cut my hair into a short layered bob, i would be very close to TBL by now. Now it will take about 3 years to grow back to where i left off before chopping and 5 years to TBL.

When i start thinking about it, regret hits hard, so i Do understand how you feel :grouphug:

However now we have more experience in hair care thanks to LHC and i for one expect my hair to grow out thicker and healthier than it was before.

Simsy
July 8th, 2018, 03:45 AM
There is nothing that says you must not have bright hair in your old age. One grandmother is a pale gold blonde (occasioning pale grey) and shooting for 90. The other grandmother was a fire truck red until late 70s, at which point she went albino white and stayed there until her death a few years later. My MIL canít cope with the (utterly gorgeous) black and silver speckled natural colour she grows these days, so she colours brunette and dark blonde, and occasionally bright red because screw the rules of getting older.

If dragon breath hair makes you happy, rock it and tell the complainers to jump off something. Besides, henna is a decent hair treatment. So itís not like itís going to damage your hair like bleach and hair dye will; so you have that going for you.

lapushka
July 8th, 2018, 04:32 AM
I know most everyone has done stupid things to their hair, things they have regretted. I've always experimented with the mindset "its just hair, it will grow back" and for the most part, I still feel this way.

Its been close to a year since I decided to give up henna. I don't necessarily regret that, I wanted to see how grey I was and henna is always easy to go back to. What I am regretting is the way I went around getting rid of henna. A couple chops, a few rounds of bleach and finally a pair of clippers and a buzz cut got me back blonde.

My progress has been slow, I've constantly colored and cut trying to find a look that made me feel like me. I've been all shades of blonde, blue and even pink. In the last three weeks, I've been through 2 box dyes and color remover. I still hate my hair, I still feel ugly and boring. Worse is I'm killing my hair and I know I won't stop.

I was looking through pictures of my henna head earlier and almost broke out in tears. I had lovely hair, it was getting long enough to do updos, I felt special and like I had finally found myself. My hair was the longest I had ever had. Why did I cut it? Why did I leave something I loved? I was beginning to feel like I was too old for bright hair but now I look old and unhappy.

I so regret that first hair cut last year, the one that sent my spiraling down to a buzz cut. All that time wasted, all that virgin hair gone. I feel like a idiot, the regret is real. I'm thawing out my henna, if I have my way I will go to my deathbed with dragon breath hair.


Obsidian, you are a lot like me when I first got here. I dyed and went on impulse, and it was never "my" color and on and on, until I got a disastrous chemical cut and burn, and then I realized I had to make my mind up and stop coloring. I just went natural. The thing had left a big impression on me!

If you feel you can't do that, make a dye choice and try and stick to it. Changing up colors is not conducive to length, but you know that. You know that all very well.

I hope you can get through it and make a decision. See you on the no-trimming thread! :D

Happy growing.

embee
July 8th, 2018, 07:56 AM
Agree, bright hair can be fun, even for an older person. I know a neat lady in her 60s who has some blue in her hair, and one in her 80s who has a magenta streak! No problem with that, it's like their trademarks. :) Enjoy the journey.

You might make a point to avoid doing anything permanent to your hair, like bleaching and such.

Obsidian
July 8th, 2018, 08:49 AM
Obsidian, you are a lot like me when I first got here. I dyed and went on impulse, and it was never "my" color and on and on, until I got a disastrous chemical cut and burn, and then I realized I had to make my mind up and stop coloring. I just went natural. The thing had left a big impression on me!

If you feel you can't do that, make a dye choice and try and stick to it. Changing up colors is not conducive to length, but you know that. You know that all very well.

I hope you can get through it and make a decision. See you on the no-trimming thread! :D

Happy growing.

That there lies the problem, I don't like my natural color. Not on me or other people. I've been dying my hair since I was 13. All shades of blond, green, purple, brown, I even went jet black for awhile. Really liked that but it was pretty harsh against my pasty skin.

The two years I used henna was the only time frame I didn't dump box dyes on my head. The only chemical I used was some sun-in to light up the henna a bit when it got overly dark. Won't be lazy this time, once I get the right color, its root touch up only.

I did have visions of playing with fun color when I went back blond but I found I didn't really care for that either, at least not beyond a streak or two.

Another thing I liked about henna is it made growing out stress free. Sounds weird I know, but I got a nice visual of exactly how fast my hair grew every few weeks and I was so concentrated on the henna, I didn't really pay attention to the growth.

Did my first round last night and as expected, its really orange and not near dark enough. I can't handle having my head wet for more than a couple hours so that initial coloring has to been done in two steps. I'm thawing out mud as I type for round two.

Kat
July 8th, 2018, 09:06 AM
It sounds like henna is really the right thing for you, then-- happy hennaing! :)

spidermom
July 8th, 2018, 11:40 AM
Having watched you go through this process in real time, I wonder why you don't choose colors that gradually fade out (demi-permanent, I think it's called).

faerielady
July 8th, 2018, 12:19 PM
October 2015 I cut my FTL hair to a pixie, and I've been wearing it that way until Jan of this year. I kept trying to convince myself that I liked it, but I didn't. I hated every picture taken of me, it just didn't suit me.

It's going to take me 1-2 years from where I'm at now (13.5 inches) to get to midback where it will start feeling normal again. I have no idea what I will do about color. As long as I get my length back, I'll be okay. Until then, my brainweasels are having a party.

Dark40
July 8th, 2018, 12:33 PM
I regret cutting more than a foot of hair off a few months ago. I don't feel like myself with shorter hair. So I absolutely understand how it can feel downright disorienting to not have it anymore. Along with feelings of loss and guilt sprinkled in.

But it will grow back. I breathe, and I remind myself that I am me no matter what, my hair is just...one of my favorite expressions of myself.

And that to get back to my goal, I have to stick to the plan and take care of it. For me, it is really hard not to straighten it at this length, because my hair is so thick it kind of sticks straight out from my head unless I slick it back with gel. Bleh.

But the goal is to get back to waist length, and beyond. I have to be honest with myself that that might take two years, but... It's worth it. :o
https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=26880&d=1492467764

You are so very right! I love the length that your hair is at right now! :) We look and sound like hair twins. My hair is also thick if I don't straighten it in any kind of way. I get mine chemically straightened. The reason is because it's more manageable that way. It detangles a lot easier than if I was naturally curly or wavy. Plus, I love the straightness affect that you get with chemically straightened hair! What is your goal in length? Mine is terminal length.

Obsidian
July 8th, 2018, 01:03 PM
Having watched you go through this process in real time, I wonder why you don't choose colors that gradually fade out (demi-permanent, I think it's called).

It would have still been a cycle of constantly changing colors that I was never actually happy with. Plus I get impatient waiting for fade which would lead to some kind of attempt to remove it quicker.

Here is where I'm at after two applications, it should be perfect once it oxidizes.

https://i.imgur.com/r7Vf5c6.jpg?1

Lizabeth94
July 8th, 2018, 01:49 PM
I've been there, several years ago i had grown to almost waist length, dyed it brunette, multiple allergic reactions later i switched to a henna brown natural dye, no allergic reaction but didn't like the color or the texture it gave my hair. I used color stripper and died my hair dark blonde (came out strawberry blonde due to the red tones), and it looked awful with my almost greenish dull roots. I also got fed up with not being able to put my hair up without triggering a migraine, so i got a pixie. I kept the pixie for over 2 years. Decided to start growing 6 months ago, now im at shoulder. Could have been at classic had i not messed around and been impulsive. :doh:

_fred_
July 8th, 2018, 02:40 PM
It would have still been a cycle of constantly changing colors that I was never actually happy with. Plus I get impatient waiting for fade which would lead to some kind of attempt to remove it quicker.

Here is where I'm at after two applications, it should be perfect once it oxidizes.

https://i.imgur.com/r7Vf5c6.jpg?1


Your new colour looks gorgeous already - I do love bright auburn - I can only imagine how much lovelier it'll be once it's oxidised. I hope the henna makes it far easier for you now, and that you can truly enjoy your hair again :blossom:

In response to your posts upthread, I really feel for you. I also strongly dislike my natural colour (dark blonde), it just plain doesn't feel like me, or inspire me with joy. Only I quit whole head bleaching back in December (which I go through phases of strongly regretting!), and the length of my roots means that when my hair's back there's no brightness at all around my face. I have a long-term plan for highlights then henna, but it's going to take a while, and this intermediate stage where I can see my natural colour again is not entirely pleasant!

spitfire511
July 9th, 2018, 10:15 AM
It would have still been a cycle of constantly changing colors that I was never actually happy with. Plus I get impatient waiting for fade which would lead to some kind of attempt to remove it quicker.

Here is where I'm at after two applications, it should be perfect once it oxidizes.

https://i.imgur.com/r7Vf5c6.jpg?1

Oooh! I think this will be perfect and it looks like even this is such a lovely shade with your skin (and almost exactly my shade when I was a wee one) we should compare notes - once it oxidizes maybe we'll be shade twins!

Huge hugs to you and fingers crossed that the henna ritual goes back to helping you scratch that itch for change so that it can grow to the length you want!

Arciela
July 9th, 2018, 10:24 AM
Obsidian, you are a lot like me when I first got here. I dyed and went on impulse, and it was never "my" color and on and on, until I got a disastrous chemical cut and burn, and then I realized I had to make my mind up and stop coloring. I just went natural. The thing had left a big impression on me!

If you feel you can't do that, make a dye choice and try and stick to it. Changing up colors is not conducive to length, but you know that. You know that all very well.

I hope you can get through it and make a decision. See you on the no-trimming thread! :D

Happy growing.

This is exactly what happened to me too! It took a burn and a loss of nearly all my hair for me to learn my lesson why bleach is bad for my scalp and hair. After that I stopped dying/bleaching for good and just opted to go natural, its easier for me in every way. Don't have to worry about roots, hair is easier to take care of because its so healthy and it lets me be lazy lol. I agree, if one can't stick with natural..then pick one dye and just stick with it because changing colors constantly won't allow for long length really :(

Alissalocks
July 9th, 2018, 10:39 AM
Wow that henna is gorgeous with your skin!!! I tried to get my henna that light but since I was always going over my brown hair (or greys which gave me red highlights) I never could push it to copper penny, my ultimate dream color, just like yours!!! :thud:

I am chronic at coloring my hair also, I did every color in my teen s and 20s, every year doing 3-4 different ones. I eventually landed on henna and nothing else for 20+ years, so even though I didn't experiment as much (just in my bangs w pink purple etc) I regularly played with my hair since I like the regular roots upkeep.

Then I went black with indigo, and had to give myself a good talking to first... are you sure, Alissa? Are you sure you're sure? Black or pixie to get it out, if you do there's no turning back. For Hair weirdos, like us, it's hard to commit to a color for forever but I finally did (now that I'm 47 mind you).

I just feel your pain, but it sounds like things are getting better and that you've discovered more by putting yourself through it all. Enjoy your hair :flower:

samanthaa
July 9th, 2018, 12:54 PM
"Regret" may be too strong a word in my case, but there are times when I wish I never hennaed my hair in the first place. So I'm kind of in the opposite boat as you, if you will. Since my goal is virgin TBL/classic hair, I basically started from zero two years ago when I started growing out my henna. But hey--it's already been two years! Three more to go, and I should have around TBL virgin hair!

However, I know that if I had never hennaed my hair, the desire ("what if") would always be there. Maybe I'd have ended up hennaing my hair once I got to classic, and the process of growing out would be even longer. I appreciate what I have (meaning, my virgin hair color) so much more now that I've gotten the henna out of my system.

I think the henna looks lovely on you, with your skintone. I'm glad you're on the journey to finding what makes you hair happy.

rika_jane
July 12th, 2018, 02:10 AM
Definitely been there with hair regrets - the longest my hair has ever been is between collarbone and APL, and I've been in a constant cycle of growing to there and then getting bored and cutting it drastically short ever since I was about 12; it's a two-three year cycle. Every time I regret it, every time in the growing out process there comes a point where I think "oh, if I hadn't cut it short it would be x long by now!" and feel very sad.
The most recent time is possibly the most sad for me, because it wasn't so much a choice to go so short but a necessity due to how badly I damaged the hair I had. It was about an inch past collarbone, finally starting to feel long (for me), and I loved it! But I'd had my hair box-dyed black for about a year, and decided I really wanted to go light brown. Bleach had never really damaged my hair before, but after two rounds over that dye build-up it finally did. My hair mostly still looked okay, minus some obvious breakage in the front, but it felt disgusting and needed so much care and attention from me in order to look as okay as it did - and even then it still looked really dry and frizzy at the very ends. I got it cut up to chin length in a cute blunt bob style in an attempt to cut off the worst of the damaged hair and stop it from fraying anymore, but a few weeks later the condition seemed the same. The damage was to the entirety of the length and no amount of trimming was going to fix it this time.
So, I bit the bullet and signed up for World's Greatest Shave. I don't regret raising money for such a personally important cause, and it was a pretty cool experience, but the growing out process...... It's been over a year now and my hair is only JUST at a point where it doesn't look super awkward and can be left alone to just grow out.
If I hadn't damaged it so much, my hair could be around mid-back by now. As it stands I have to wait another two years at least for that to be the case, it makes me sad but nothing can be done now!
I feel your pain, we'll get through this ^^

Obsidian
July 12th, 2018, 05:10 PM
Thanks for sharing your stories, its nice knowing I'm not alone. The orange never did really oxidize, my hair was just too bleached to develop any kind of darker tint. I ended up using a little indigo to add in some brown and doing another henna application. Hair is darker then I had wanted but I love the color and I expect the indigo to fade with time, it never has stuck to my hair.