Have you ever had somebody not like you because of your hair?

[softheartedandl]

I've always loved the film Tangled (I'm a disney fanatic) but recently within the past months I've just become obsessed with it. However, it did bring up a memory that I thought I forgot about!

When I was in choir in high school we put on a show, and there was one girl who I was sort of friends with but not quite, if that makes sense. We hung out in school and had mutual friends but I always had the feeling that she would have no problem dropping me if she felt the need to. She was kind of rude (not just to me but to everyone, even her best friends). I really didn't know her that well at all, so I guess I should call her an acquaintance instead. I was the only one in my group of friends that had hair past middle-back I think, so it was often a topic of discussion, and this particular friend had made previous comments about how I should cut my hair or at least get layers cut in. At the time I didn't think anything of it and thought they were just suggestions, but I later discovered they were made out of jealousy. Anyway, my friend decided to sing a song from Tangled for the choir show, and had decided to get suuuuper long extensions for her performance. Now, I'll admit that this scared me a little bit because I was EXTREMELY insecure in high school and my hair was often the only thing I had that made me pretty or interesting or worthy of people's time and the idea of someone having longer hair than me terrified me. I'm not proud of this AT ALL but it is what it was. I remember asking her if she was going to keep her extensions after the show and she said she was. Like I said this terrified me but I like to think my mama raised me right so I didn't say or do anything and tried to let it go to the best of my ability. Dress rehearsal comes around and it turns out my friend had clip-in "costume" extensions instead of real ones (I think her mom wouldn't let her get real ones. At least that's what my fuzzy memories are telling me). In all honesty she looked great. Had a beautiful dress, she had the Rapunzel braid with flowers in her hair and everything, and she was an AMAZING singer. She sounded wonderful and her performance was actually my favorite out of the whole show. The stage was beautiful and the performance was just phenomenal. After we had dress rehearsal I was hanging out in the choir hall with this girl and few others. She had already removed her extensions and we were sitting in a circle discussing the show. She had brought up the fact that her mom wouldn't let her have real extensions and our mutual friend turned to me and said something along the lines of "You already have long hair, why didn't you just be Rapunzel?" I don't think she meant to start anything by it but the girl who was singing Rapunzel went very quiet and gave us both the dirtiest looks. She wasn't too keen on me for a while after that until I chopped my hair to BSL.

Maybe it happened differently but this is how I remember it. It's not super dramatic or juicy story so sorry if that's what you were looking for. :laugh: I've been out of high school for a few years now and I don't talk to this girl anymore. This happened freshman year and by senior year I kind of avoided her just because she gave me bad vibes (I hate using the word "vibes" but I don't have any other word for it). I hope she's doing well and is happy though.


This isn't something I'm posting to get sympathy or anything. It's just a story I remembered and I was wondering if anybody had an experience like this, where somebody doesn't like you because of your hair.

[Chromis]

You said already she was rude in general. Trust me, if it wasn't your hair it would have been something else. Those types will always find something to pick at, it's what they do.

[Arciela]

You said already she was rude in general. Trust me, if it wasn't your hair it would have been something else. Those types will always find something to pick at, it's what they do.

This is so true!

People attack me and hate on me all the time online..on my social media accounts, if its not one thing they will find something else for sure. They're usually just miserable people and take it out on others, not very nice thing to do. I used to have bullies try to cut my hair in school, throw gum in it, spit balls, all out of jealousy. Oddly enough after I began to be kind to them, despite them being mean..they became my friends and apologized >.>

[Joules]

I don't think people ever disliked me because of my hair... but my hair has always been quite ordinary. Never longer than waist and a boring color.

I did have weird feelings though a few times. My ex's best friend is a hairstylist, and a really talented/cool/expensive one. Every time we hung out together I felt like he was judging every single hair on my head, lol :D he's a very chill dude and I'm sure he didn't care about my hair, it was just my insecurity manifesting itself

[lapushka]

Oh gosh, high school... I think that might be the key word here. So many things happen during that time, and not always things you have good memories of.

I think most of us only mature much later, and often it is good to leave those things behind.

[*Wednesday*]

If people don't like people for their hair, how do people find true friends.

[cjk]

I'm a male with a big beard and increasingly long hair. Do people judge me for my appearance? Surely!

I've never had anyone say anything specific, beyond suggesting that if I changed my styling "this way" that I'd look younger.

The real question, though, isn't whether others have judged me. It's whether or not I find it worthy of consideration, basically whether or not I care.

I don't.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

Not that they've ever said. I have had it suggested that I cut my hair short, but it doesn't necessarily mean that the person doesn't like me.

[lithostoic]

Yeah, when I had my hair razor cut with funky colors, and when I had dreadlocks.

[Strawonaberry]

This isn't about length, but a friend told me that when she was younger and transferred schools, all her new classmates hated her because she was blonde :confused:
She says they assumed she was mean and arrogant (wtf?) (As you can imagine, blonde hair is not common in my country)

[lovelymoon]

I barely remember this but a girl in my kindergarten class disliked me so much she cut off my pigtails in class and then tried to say I did it. I had tailbone length hair and my mom always took a lot of care styling it. I feel like that's a really specific attack so she must have been insecure about her own hair. She unknowingly began the cycle of long/drastic bob in my life lol

[spidermom]

As an adult, I once had issues with a friend who had butt-length hair. It's hard to remember exactly how I felt about it, but I believe I was envious because I had intended to grow my hair out, then impulsively got it cut short. This friend would often complain about her hair, and that upset me because I thought she should appreciate the great thing that she had. I would tell her she should get her hair cut short. But I never hated on her.

[Katsura]

I don't think there's been anything just because of my hair. Although I had one guy loose interest when I went from blonde to dark brown, but there was other issues too I think When I started third grade in elementary school and still had classic lenght hair, I made a friend because she first noticed my hair.

[MlleMC]

Oh gosh, high school... I think that might be the key word here. So many things happen during that time, and not always things you have good memories of.

I think most of us only mature much later, and often it is good to leave those things behind.

I thought the same thing about high school.

I remember when I was a teen, there was a group of girls on my bus who always told me that I should cut and straighten my hair (I think it was around hip at the time). I eventually started straightening my hair, and a few months later, gave in and cut it to about chin length. It was a HUGE change for me, but guess who never even commented on it? Yup, those very girls who spent years trying to convince me to do it.

[Milkchocolate]

This is part of why I love this forum! I can come here and vent with people that get me lol :)
Anywho, I went to order a sandwich at Subway and the cashier asked me in a very snarky way, “Are those extensions?” I said politely “No it’s my real hair I’ve been growing it for 10 years!”. She goes on to say “Oh, I thought they were extensions.” but her tone just seemed very sarcastic, and then tells me that she would never grow it like mine.
I’ll never understand why people feel the need to be rude about others appearances. Like, if you don’t like it for whatever reason, be polite and keep it to yourself -_-

[iforgotmylogin]

^ Nice avatar

As a dude, I'm sure my hair rubs some people the wrong way and I don't even realise. I was at the supermarket recently, using the self-checkout machine and a lady supervising the machines told me to make sure I scan the 15c plastic bag I was about to use to put the groceries in (there's a free plastic bag ban here newly in effect). She didn't say that to anyone else

[illicitlizard]

I went to order a sandwich at Subway

Oh my goodness! Who does that, firstly being snarky to customers and secondly why would anyone think they have the right to talk about your hair in that way when you're just tryna get a darn sandwich!

Luckily I've never had someone not like me because of my hair... I used to actually get compliments on it especially when it was 'long' (not by LHC standards) and blonde, which actually pushed me to cut it to shoulder length, dye it brown and then eventually shave it all off. It was super frustrating to just be seen as my hair and have strangers comment on it.

[JadedByEntropy]

as i surpassed the length of a mid-length haired friend she got so jealous she was practically spitting everything she said in my presence, and half of it revolved around straightening treatments, or treatments and magical serums to 'fix' my awful hair and how lovely it could be if ONLY she could get her hands on me. [as if it wasn't glossy and bouncy all the time already] She also 'confessed' to watching hair-accident/chopping videos for pure schadenfreude purposes.
...
i never took any of the advice and worked her out of my immediate circle.

[Beckstar]

I've never had anyone be mean because my hair was beautiful.

Yeah, I've had kids be mean and make fun me because of my hair. I'm 3 a/b and used to shampoo, blow dry, and then brush my hair out. Or I'd get a horribly short haircut and the awkward grow out stage made for a lot of teasing. I was a very insecure kid with big hair, big nose, and a head shorter than everyone, and really skinny.

[Milkchocolate]

^ Nice avatar

As a dude, I'm sure my hair rubs some people the wrong way and I don't even realise. I was at the supermarket recently, using the self-checkout machine and a lady supervising the machines told me to make sure I scan the 15c plastic bag I was about to use to put the groceries in (there's a free plastic bag ban here newly in effect). She didn't say that to anyone else


Thank you! Likewise! :)
And oh geez, I know how horrible that must have felt :/ I’m sure that being a guy with long hair unfortunately gets you a lot of judgement! People still probably see it as a taboo thing. That women sounds like she is stuck in the 50s if she’s still judging length of men’s hair lol

[Milkchocolate]

Oh my goodness! Who does that, firstly being snarky to customers and secondly why would anyone think they have the right to talk about your hair in that way when you're just tryna get a darn sandwich!

Luckily I've never had someone not like me because of my hair... I used to actually get compliments on it especially when it was 'long' (not by LHC standards) and blonde, which actually pushed me to cut it to shoulder length, dye it brown and then eventually shave it all off. It was super frustrating to just be seen as my hair and have strangers comment on it.

Yes exactly!! Like,, can a girl just get her sandwich in peace? -_- I actually didn’t let her comment affect me too much because earlier today I received two different compliments from customers at work! so I just saw it as her being green with envy :)

And oh my gosh I am a former shaved head too. from 10 years ago! Almost similar reasons, except I was going through a phase where i was trying to prove that I didn’t need a “long hair” to be a woman. Have you decided to grow it out now?

[trolleypup]

Thank you! Likewise! :)
And oh geez, I know how horrible that must have felt :/ I’m sure that being a guy with long hair unfortunately gets you a lot of judgement! People still probably see it as a taboo thing. That women sounds like she is stuck in the 50s if she’s still judging length of men’s hair lol
Even in SF there are a few of those. When I was driving buses, I had old white woman and and old white man both look me in the eye and say "I can't tell if you are a boy or girl". To the woman, I said "Good thing the pretty girls don't have that problem"...the old guy, well, we have a regular sparring match until I went and got a rhinestone barrette (cheap gaudy thing)...when he boarded (at his regular time) I turned my head and said "I got this specially for you!" He said he would never ride my bus again, turned around and got off. I think I won! (And he was actually good on his word, he regularly let me pass on by.)

[Milkchocolate]

Even in SF there are a few of those. When I was driving buses, I had old white woman and and old white man both look me in the eye and say "I can't tell if you are a boy or girl". To the woman, I said "Good thing the pretty girls done have that problem"...the old guy, well, we have a regular sparring match until I went and got a rhinestone barrette (cheap gaudy thing)...when he boarded (at his regular time) I turned my head and said "I got this specially for you!" He said he would never ride my bus again, turned around and got off. I think I won! (And he was actually good on his word, he regularly let me pass on by.)

Hahaha! Ohh my goodness, thank you for sharing that story :) you are awesome! go you!!

[iforgotmylogin]

I'm going to allow myself a giggle at that one

[illicitlizard]

Yes exactly!! Like,, can a girl just get her sandwich in peace? -_- I actually didn’t let her comment affect me too much because earlier today I received two different compliments from customers at work! so I just saw it as her being green with envy :)

And oh my gosh I am a former shaved head too. from 10 years ago! Almost similar reasons, except I was going through a phase where i was trying to prove that I didn’t need a “long hair” to be a woman. Have you decided to grow it out now?

Omg I feel that, so many people seem to see long hair as necessary for being a woman (whatever that even means). I wonder where my hair will be in 10 yrs, how long did it take you to get past the 'awkward stage'? I have decided to grow it out. Really enjoyed the experience but every time I looked in the mirror with ultra short hair I low-key dissociated, it just wasn't me at all. So fun to be that low maintenance though, my hair dried in 1 minute... Amazing.

[missmelaniem]

This friend would often complain about her hair, and that upset me because I thought she should appreciate the great thing that she had. I would tell her she should get her hair cut short. But I never hated on her.

Maybe inappropriate of me but that you told her she should cut her hair made me crack up.

Anyhoo, I always felt like some women would try to bait me by saying stuff like "Dont you just want to chop it all off sometimes??" and this kind of stuff just randomly, like when it was hot and I would be clipping my hair up. Or "Why dont you cut it?" all random... there would be zero reason for anyone to say such a thing.

[nitagurl]

Numerous times, most of them being subtle examples of routine jealousy. But my ex's mother was one person who definitely had a bone to pick with me and I could tell that my hair was a specific feature that crawled under her skin. On a stack of Bibles, I've never done anything to disrespect the lady. But the last time I saw her she was so heated with her son that she attacked me in my car and went straight for my hair. I had no idea that adults really put their hands on people outside of TV.

[Milkchocolate]

Omg I feel that, so many people seem to see long hair as necessary for being a woman (whatever that even means). I wonder where my hair will be in 10 yrs, how long did it take you to get past the 'awkward stage'? I have decided to grow it out. Really enjoyed the experience but every time I looked in the mirror with ultra short hair I low-key dissociated, it just wasn't me at all. So fun to be that low maintenance though, my hair dried in 1 minute... Amazing.


It took my hair years and years the get out of the awkward phase! 5- years to be exact, but only because my hair grew extreeemely slow. It had made it above BSL, which did not suit me at all. (I looked like a medival warrior >_< And yes! omg I understand you on the part of disassociating 100%. It was uncomfortable not recognizing myself in photos.
Yes!!! The dry time and not sitting and pulling on it is what I miss the most <3

[sophia_]

I've had somebody tell me my braid would make a great noose, they were joking but that's not really a topic one should be joking about...

[moonshroomm]

Every time my ex best friend knew that I was going to cut my hair or had already done it, she wanted me to cut more off or cut it short. She just spent two years growing hers out long. She kind of hated to see me growing mine out aswell. After the last time I cut it, she told me to cut more, then immediately after had to brag about how great hers was, and send me pictures of how long it finally was. As if her long hair was any less beautiful because mine is finally healthy...

[Milkchocolate]

I am very wary of people who are overly desperate for me to cut my hair. I always wonder why it’s such a big deal to them. When I see other people with beautiful hair, it’s a lovely sight! so why would I ever tell them to cut it. That behavior doesn’t make sense to me. I would honestly just be annoying them with all these questions I have haha ^,*

[Natashap]

Yes ,I have in past found few ppl who hated my thinnning scalp hair and said that on my face .It saddened me for days but I pulled myself and moved on.

[Hexen]

I don't specifically recall anyone openly, and blatantly not liking me personally based on the appearance of my hair. I DO however recall people not particularly liking my hair itself though. These revelations were really only made known to me in my younger years as it must seem less "hazardous" to voice ones opinion to a kid. Nowadays though, the only comments I get, when and if I get them, are kind ones. If people do have a negative opinion they seemingly choose to keep it to themselves. I can say this though with 100% conviction, that I myself have never disliked anyone because of their hair no matter what It looked like. Now I must also say though that I am perpetually surprised by the range of 'strangers' that relay a friendly interaction with me. Because for the most part, im not so sure sure I look like a very friendly person. Im not big on random eye contact therefore I wear sunglasses everywhere, and as ive mentioned before I also wear a knit cap beanie everywhere as well. Not to mention I currently have a full coverage beard. And when I say that I dont mean long as in ZZ Top. But a groomed, several week growth. So with that and the horror movie and black metal band T-shirts that I sometimes wear, I often times feel as if i walk around looking like a rather shady character. But I am perhaps unbeknownst to some people quite approachable and friendly. :o

[Ylva]

I am very wary of people who are overly desperate for me to cut my hair. I always wonder why it’s such a big deal to them. When I see other people with beautiful hair, it’s a lovely sight! so why would I ever tell them to cut it. That behavior doesn’t make sense to me. I would honestly just be annoying them with all these questions I have haha ^,*

They're probably jealous.

[Lizabeth94]

I barely remember this but a girl in my kindergarten class disliked me so much she cut off my pigtails in class and then tried to say I did it. I had tailbone length hair and my mom always took a lot of care styling it. I feel like that's a really specific attack so she must have been insecure about her own hair. She unknowingly began the cycle of long/drastic bob in my life lol

This is my worst nightmare! When my hair is long enough to begin to put over my shoulder, i always have to keep it there where i can keep my eye on it and make sure no one tries to cut it. im not sure where this fear/insecurity comes from since no one has done it to me before, but i struggle with it anyway.

[Lizabeth94]

I think the only example in my life so far would be my own dad. It wasn't my hair that he hated, but any sudden change to it. He told me that when someone gets a large hair cut, dyes their hair, starts curling it, ect, it completely changes the way they look and become unrecognizable. So growing up whenever i got a cut or something he would have a big fit about it and be mad for several days. The most recent example is a few years ago when i dyed my almost waist length hair brunette. He had a fit about that. Then many months later i decided to cut it to a pixie to grow it back out my natural color since i was allergic to the dye, and also because i was frustrated with my long hair that i couldn't find a way to put it back that didn't trigger a migraine. He was mad for several days about thay too. Then last winter i announced i was going to grow my hair long again and he begged me not to, and wanted me to just keep my pixie cut. :rolleyes:
The other person currently loves my hair, but im worried will give me problems in the future. Its my hubby... when we started dating i had a pixie cut, which everyone else in my life loved but him. Seriously i even got stopped on the street by random strangers who gave me compliments, and it totally ruined my self confidence to have my hubby (then boy friend) say negative things about it. He begged me to grow it "long" even though i told him i cut it in part due to my migraines and not being able to tie it back without pain. I decided to start growing it only to find out that his definition of "long" is just shoulder to bra strap length at most. Anything longer than that he thinks is gross. I hate medium length hair, im not a lukewarm person if that makes sense. I want my hair either pixie short or beyond waist, i can't stand medium length hair, it drives me crazy. My fear is that someday when my hair does grow long my hubby will constantly beg me to cut it just like he begged me to start growing it. :(

[sophia_]

I don't understand why people don't realize what they say about my hair/general appearance is insulting. Recently someone told me that "long, unkempt hair's usually a sign of attachment issues," and when I told them that wasn't a nice thing to say, they were offended? Somehow people don't understand that when you criticize someone's appearance, it's still an insult, even if it's out of "concern," and besides no one has business commenting about anyone's personal life without being asked, anyway.

[TreesOfEternity]

I think the only example in my life so far would be my own dad. It wasn't my hair that he hated, but any sudden change to it. He told me that when someone gets a large hair cut, dyes their hair, starts curling it, ect, it completely changes the way they look and become unrecognizable. So growing up whenever i got a cut or something he would have a big fit about it and be mad for several days. The most recent example is a few years ago when i dyed my almost waist length hair brunette. He had a fit about that. Then many months later i decided to cut it to a pixie to grow it back out my natural color since i was allergic to the dye, and also because i was frustrated with my long hair that i couldn't find a way to put it back that didn't trigger a migraine. He was mad for several days about thay too. Then last winter i announced i was going to grow my hair long again and he begged me not to, and wanted me to just keep my pixie cut. :rolleyes:
The other person currently loves my hair, but im worried will give me problems in the future. Its my hubby... when we started dating i had a pixie cut, which everyone else in my life loved but him. Seriously i even got stopped on the street by random strangers who gave me compliments, and it totally ruined my self confidence to have my hubby (then boy friend) say negative things about it. He begged me to grow it "long" even though i told him i cut it in part due to my migraines and not being able to tie it back without pain. I decided to start growing it only to find out that his definition of "long" is just shoulder to bra strap length at most. Anything longer than that he thinks is gross. I hate medium length hair, im not a lukewarm person if that makes sense. I want my hair either pixie short or beyond waist, i can't stand medium length hair, it drives me crazy. My fear is that someday when my hair does grow long my hubby will constantly beg me to cut it just like he begged me to start growing it. :(

I can totally relate to your hubby’s story :grouphug: If that conversation ever comes up again I would have an honest conversation with him. It’s ok to have preferences, but it is hurtful when your partner focuses on the things about you that aren’t his cup of tea instead of the things he actually loves about you. You are an individual person, not a custom partner. He has to love who you are and understand why you decide to wear your hair the way you do.

[Vanillame]

Yes but I have a listed of things I've been disliked for. People can grow their hair or cut it, get fake hair etc. Being hated on because you're tall is another story. Being 5'10 as a female when the average is 5'4. Heels are always removed at the end of the day. Being disliked for hair was always a silly thing. Since hair can change and the other thing I mentioned can't.