When are you gonna cut your hair?

[M.McDonough]

Hello, everyone

So my uncle keeps telling me to cut my hair. For some reason he's the only family member that constantly makes remarks like that. Even my parents don't comment on my hair
"when are you going to cut your hair?" "cut your hair, it's been long for years" Honestly I don't care
if he likes my hair or not, I'm kinda rebellious, but it's annoying when someone throws a comment at you like that every time you meet them.
sometimes i wanna tell him off, but I don't want to upset him. I mean come on I'm a grown man. I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.
share your experience if you went through something similar

[nycelle]

I have three uncles and I don't think any of them have ever commented on my hair. Don't think they even notice. But I'm a female so commenting might sound weird..

Ask him what his issue is with long hair on guys..

[EdG]

I apply the "random stranger test". If a random stranger were to say that to you, how would you react?

Family members don't get to behave worse than random strangers. As an adult, you are not under any obligation to talk to your uncle (or any other family members).

If someone says something that you don't like, don't talk to him. Ever. Problem solved. :)
Ed

[Chromis]

My answer is to shrug and change the subject.

[lapushka]

My answer is to shrug and change the subject.

Yes, often the best approach! :)

[Joules]

- When are you going to cut your hair?
- When are you starting a common decency course?

(joking obv)

It's too bad you don't answer out of ear of upsetting him, since he clearly doesn't care about upsetting you. I have a habit of being straightforward in such cases and telling people that it's my own business and nobody else's.

[EdG]

My answer is to shrug and change the subject.That only works once. M.McDonough uncle's behavior is repetitive to the point of being abuse/harassment.

M.McDonough - make it clear to your uncle that he is not to make any comments about your hair. If he continues, then the only effective action that I have found is to put some distance between you and your uncle. You are not under any obligation to interact with abusive people.
Ed

[Guitargod]

Agreed. It's understandable behavior from someone who's mentally retarded, but for an intelligent adult it shouldn't be accepted. Then of course he might be somewhere on that spectrum :)

[M.McDonough]

- When are you going to cut your hair?
- When are you starting a common decency course?

(joking obv)

It's too bad you don't answer out of ear of upsetting him, since he clearly doesn't care about upsetting you. I have a habit of being straightforward in such cases and telling people that it's my own business and nobody else's.

Well, he may not be aware that he upsets me. I have a habit of being straightforward as well, but I'm also nice and being nice sometimes can be a bad thing. Also, you're not supposed to talk to your uncle in a harsh manner, it's part of my upbringing

[lapushka]

Well, he may not be aware that he upsets me. I have a habit of being straightforward as well, but I'm also nice and being nice sometimes can be a bad thing. Also, you're not supposed to talk to your uncle in a harsh manner, it's part of my upbringing

You don't have to be harsh to convey to him that it is not wanted. You could take him aside and "gently" say, you know uncle, I really don't like that you always comment on my long hair. Could you stop doing that, please.

It's not that difficult. :flower: After all, it's family!

[M.McDonough]

You don't have to be harsh to convey to him that it is not wanted. You could take him aside and "gently" say, you know uncle, I really don't like that you always comment on my long hair. Could you stop doing that, please.

It's not that difficult. :flower: After all, it's family!

Haha thanks, I'm gonna try.:p I don't even wear it down in front of him. It's always in a bun!

[Doom]

sometimes i wanna tell him off, but I don't want to upset him.
He is upsetting you, so upset him. The next time he asks "When are you gonna cut your hair?" say "At your funeral."

[lapushka]

He is upsetting you, so upset him. The next time he asks "When are you gonna cut your hair?" say "At your funeral."

I would not have to say that to *my* uncle, he'd make sure I had a funeral. :lol: ;)

[Hairkay]

I think you could try practice saying, "I'm not cutting it so please stop asking". When you next see him and that question comes up say this to him. If he repeats his question, repeat your answer. If it goes on for too long, say, "stop, that's enough" and change the topic.

[EdG]

Well, he may not be aware that he upsets me. I have a habit of being straightforward as well, but I'm also nice and being nice sometimes can be a bad thing. Also, you're not supposed to talk to your uncle in a harsh manner, it's part of my upbringingOkay, maybe your uncle is genuinely unaware that he has been harassing you. Tell him to stop. You will not tolerate harassment. The law is on your side. Good luck! :)
Ed

[shaluwm_agape]

I would honestly cut him off. however if you have to interact just put your hair up, dont give him reason to talk

[Chromis]

That only works once. M.McDonough uncle's behavior is repetitive to the point of being abuse/harassment.

M.McDonough - make it clear to your uncle that he is not to make any comments about your hair. If he continues, then the only effective action that I have found is to put some distance between you and your uncle. You are not under any obligation to interact with abusive people.
Ed

I find if I repeat the tactic enough, the topic gets boring for them and they give up.

[Lady Stardust]

I had a similar experience but for different reasons - constant comments from people about how I looked when I was pregnant. I was quite upset about it because people seem to think they can say anything they like to you once you’re pregnant, or once you’ve had kids for that matter.

People at work got a bit of a short and to the point comment about how it made me feel. I didn’t feel that I could do that with my in laws so I just smiled and said “I’ll punch you if you say that again”. The comments stopped.

Some people just like teasing, I don’t think they realise how annoying it can be. They’d stop if they knew, unless they got a kick out of annoying you. You said you don’t want to upset him so I’m guessing that he not the malicious type? If you think he is being malicious, then yes you’ll have to stand your ground.

[EdG]

I find if I repeat the tactic enough, the topic gets boring for them and they give up.You are fortunate in that you have been dealing with normal people.

In contrast, an abusive person will not give up because the actual problem goes much deeper than long hair. This has been my experience over several decades.

I don't think we can tell which of these categories M.McDonough's uncle falls into.
Ed

[melikai]

Maybe ask him a question back, along the lines of: "why does it matter so much to you?". Put him on the spot and make him uncomfortable - maybe force him to face why he is always teasing/bothering you about it.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

I would say "When i think it's too long, not because someone else thinks it's too long", or something similar.

[lapushka]

You could have fun with it. ;) Like the last couple of answers show you. Just ask him, why it matters to him so much. Or say something like, why don't you let yours grow out too? If that's even possible with your uncle.

You know him best. :)

[Glitch]

So sorry to hear! IMO, it's always harder confronting family than someone you don't know, since no one wants to hurt someone they care about and love. Hmm, have you tried joking around with him to defuse the situation? Like, "only after you grow out yours! I think you'd look great :laugh:" etc. After a while, I think he wouldn't want to go there anymore lol. I've tried this in certain situations before :) Anyway, only you know your uncle best, and I really hope you come up with something soon!

[Glitch]

You could have fun with it. ;) Like the last couple of answers show you. Just ask him, why it matters to him so much. Or say something like, why don't you let yours grow out too? If that's even possible with your uncle.

You know him best. :)

Omg haha, I basically ended up saying the same thing (took me super long to finish replying, got busy). I think this is some fun advice and hopefully can work out :)

[cjk]

I'd run my finger up his shaved chin while, ominously, stating that each time he mentions it I'll grow for an additional year. He needs to be put in his place.

That he is your uncle is immaterial. He is out of line, consistently, his continued jabs are unwelcome, and that needs that reinforced for him. Publicly if he continues. I enjoy putting people in their place.

[chiapommama]

Tell him it's your hair and if you wanna grow it to the floor then you will. If he keeps on, just ignore him.

[Lady Stardust]

I’ve just remembered, my husband used to say something along the lines of “Well I can’t believe that” whenever I told him something about pregnancy, for example things that you shouldn’t eat. I said he had to pay me £1 every time he said it, so he stopped pretty sharpish.

[yahirwaO.o]

He is upsetting you, so upset him. The next time he asks "When are you gonna cut your hair?" say "At your funeral."

LOL thats savage af!!!!! I think this is going to be one of my favorite phases when people approach me in a mean way! :cool:

Well speaking about annoying family members, there was a very nice LHC member who told that family isn't supposed to be all heavenly nice and supportive.
This is very true not everyone has to agree for whatever you do. Sure acceptance and respect is what we all crave for in a healthy way but seriously families aren't always what we think they oughta be and its good to keep your distance.

For me I had these type of but$%chy attitudes with my beloved granny and aunt. I love them but I also share respect and love to myself more so I decided to cut the strings with them and their toxic attitudes which wasn't really doing anything good or constructive. I come from a cultural background where respect and such to olders and family is kinda sacred but Im not gonna stand harassment or passive aggression attitudes at all!

You don't have to drastic perhaps what everyone suggested as being a civilate persona works. For me it's just easier to move apart, create and connect with people who really appreciates me!

Also for us long haired men is hard sometimes cause we have all society expectations and such. It is kinda part of the journey and for me I just have learned to enjoy it rather than please it or fight it! :)

[Dark40]

I second Chromis. I would shrug and change the subject.

[goneJackal]

It used to happen a lot to me, too.
In my case, it seems family members meant no harm, they just felt the need to say something, and chose poorly because my hair was something that stood out to them. And for reasons I don't understand, it seems to be easier for people to make inconvenient remarks rather than comforting ones.

I don't like to sound rude to other people, so I used to joke my way out.
In the few cases it got too repetitive, the most effective answer did sound a bit harsh: "whenever I want".

Good luck! But, if it helps, know that when people make that kind of comment, sometimes it's not personal (on their behalf).

[lines-wine]

Smile sweetly & tell him you'll cut your hair on the 31st of June!

[Ligeia Noire]

Ah ah some of the answers made me laugh good, I had the same thing happening to me and I am a woman, my aunts my grandmother, my cousins, oh my and back then I was in my teens, I hope they have facebook and my profile shows in their suggestions once in a while :p

Now being serious, I think it is because you are a guy and in some places people are still attached to men with short hair and women with long hair combo and he maybe he is not even trying to be mean, just the way they were raised. Of course, it is annoying, I mostly just ignored them and stood my ground, sometimes I was sarcastic, sometimes I was rude, yay, if they can tell you what to do, you can tell them to sh*** it too.

[M.McDonough]

This will make you laugh! I forgot to mention that he used to have long hair when he was younger. :D

[EdG]

This will make you laugh! I forgot to mention that he used to have long hair when he was younger. :DThat is ironic. It blows away the theories about your uncle believing that men must have short hair. :rollin:
Ed

[M.McDonough]

That is ironic. It blows away the theories about your uncle believing that men must have short hair. :rollin:
Ed

It sure does. Maybe I'll bring it up the next time he talks about my hair lol

[Ligeia Noire]

Well maybe not.... what if they did the same to him and he gave in and cut it? Anyway, even if he is the exception most people that want you to cut your hair if you are a man it's because of that conception.

[Milady_DeWinter]

My father did the same to me when I was in the odd stages growing out a pixie when I was a teen, but after getting APL/BSL he totally stopped. We'll, he has asperger and want all things to be in order I guess :shrug: So I didn't paid much attention.

It was much worst with my brother: he let his hair grow long in his late teens and EVERYBODY (not me nor my parents, even my father shut up) told him to cut it: family, friends... Told him that he wasn't serious, would never get a job with "that heavy untidy look", that he was calling for someone to punch him (¿?), etc. He has some awesome hair, much less quantity than me but quite similar: also 2C and in a lovely very gold brown, a bit lighter than mine. Finally, when my brother went to study to Denmark (he just gratuated as a chemical engineer Doctor last week, yay!!! Love him) the pressure was too big that he cut it short. I think that he's just handsome both ways, but it's a pity the social pressure that men suffer in this and other topics... :(

[Groovy Granny]

This will make you laugh! I forgot to mention that he used to have long hair when he was younger. :D

You know....the old longhairs seem to be the most against long hair ...in my experience.

When a Summer neighbor was back on the lake here, Hubby told her I was growing my hair out (from chin in 2013).
Back in the day she had hair down to her knees, so he thought she'd have tips and and encouraging word....NADA.

She said WHY?? with a look of disgust ....and now she cuts/curls/dyes her hair :thud:and I have noticed a few more like here locally my age.

Some people just don't like long hair in any form...for whatever reason. :hmm:

My DD's MIL always badgers my son every time she sees him; he has a buzz cut and a neat medium length beard....and it ticks him off :p

If you are inclined to engage him in conversation about it then do so....otherwise :lala:

[Rustam]

Sorry about that man. I got the typical criticism growing it out, but people have mostly accepted it at this point and I don't have anyone quite like your uncle to be able to relate. I'd probably have reacted by wearing it loose and making a show out of it just to bug him more, but that is probably not the best way to go. Good luck finding a way to deal with it.

[TreesOfEternity]

This will make you laugh! I forgot to mention that he used to have long hair when he was younger. :D

Mistery solved then, he is absolutely jealous! haha. When he says that you have had long hair for enough years sounds like that's what he told himself or someone told him when he decided to cut his own hair. So my answer would be "wow man, you really want to make a wig out of my hair is that some kind of mid-life crisis?" :laugh:

[M.McDonough]

If he brings it up next time, l'll deal with it. I've let it slide enough

[embee]

You might ask him if "they" gave him so much trouble about his long hair. You might get a real story there.

[Borgessa]

I'm not sure folks understand often when your talking about a close family member, its best not to upset them, also its best not to take offense so easily too. Not that i'm saying the OP has taken offense so easily. But the advice to basically put the Uncle in his place, and make a rude comment back. Is really (certainly in my case) Not that easy, or even the answer. I bet half the people who responded to do so, wouldn't dream of insulting and elder of their family, and if they did, in my culture, which is Irish/New Zealander be considered extremely rude, and would offend everyone in the family. Its no glib matter. Sometimes, we have to shurg our shoulders, as Chromis suggested earlier.

Ultimately the problem is within ourselves, if we let someone else's opinion mean that much to us. Uncles are suppose to give us stick, when we little its, wipe your nose boy, or blah blah blah, I swear if the op cut his hair it would be something else.. Why Why Why make a big drama out of it, and cause a rift. Simply not worth it.. Enjoy your hair, its for you, no one else :)

I've never been told I should cut my hair, but girls are spose to have long hair. So those two stories are not comparable at all.

[Borgessa]

Just thought, next time your uncle asks you, "When you gonna get a hair cut" You could reply with, I dunno Uncle, you looking for donations to make a hair piece? Its not rude or confrontational..

[TreesOfEternity]

Just thought, next time your uncle asks you, "When you gonna get a hair cut" You could reply with, I dunno Uncle, you looking for donations to make a hair piece? Its not rude or confrontational..

I am of the same opinion, sense of humor is always a good response

[LadyArwen]

You know....the old longhairs seem to be the most against long hair ...in my experience.

When a Summer neighbor was back on the lake here, Hubby told her I was growing my hair out (from chin in 2013).
Back in the day she had hair down to her knees, so he thought she'd have tips and and encouraging word....NADA.

She said WHY?? with a look of disgust ....and now she cuts/curls/dyes her hair :thud:and I have noticed a few more like here locally my age.

Some people just don't like long hair in any form...for whatever reason. :hmm:

My DD's MIL always badgers my son every time she sees him; he has a buzz cut and a neat medium length beard....and it ticks him off :p

If you are inclined to engage him in conversation about it then do so....otherwise :lala:

this makes me sad! Our culture is so against aging and does whatever it can to fight it. Keep your long lovely locks and take care of them. Keep aging gracefully as you well are! Our culture is so obsessed with youth and trying to look young, instead of using the years to cultivate wisdom and beauty that goes deeper.

[yamsha23]

I'm not sure folks understand often when your talking about a close family member, its best not to upset them, also its best not to take offense so easily too. Not that i'm saying the OP has taken offense so easily. But the advice to basically put the Uncle in his place, and make a rude comment back. Is really (certainly in my case) Not that easy, or even the answer. I bet half the people who responded to do so, wouldn't dream of insulting and elder of their family, and if they did, in my culture, which is Irish/New Zealander be considered extremely rude, and would offend everyone in the family. Its no glib matter. Sometimes, we have to shurg our shoulders, as Chromis suggested earlier.

Ultimately the problem is within ourselves, if we let someone else's opinion mean that much to us. Uncles are suppose to give us stick, when we little its, wipe your nose boy, or blah blah blah, I swear if the op cut his hair it would be something else.. Why Why Why make a big drama out of it, and cause a rift. Simply not worth it.. Enjoy your hair, its for you, no one else :)

I've never been told I should cut my hair, but girls are spose to have long hair. So those two stories are not comparable at all.

Big Like!
I would respond politely: Thank you uncle, but I love my hair this way.
If you communicate this well I don't know why he should ask again?

[cjk]

I'm not sure folks understand often when your talking about a close family member, its best not to upset them,

I bet half the people who responded to do so, wouldn't dream of insulting and elder of their family,

Ultimately the problem is within ourselves, if we let someone else's opinion mean that much to us.

Having a few similar genes does not automatically get someone respect. If they are misbehaving they should be put in their place.

One of the happiest memories of my childhood is sitting in my grandfathers lap, I was only about 18 months old, and telling him what a worthless piece of crap he was. I was the only one with enough honesty and fortitude to tell him, and he died shortly after. Good riddance to rubbish.

The opinions of others really shouldn't matter as much as some permit them to.

[LH_Rambo]

Every man with long hair get this comment at least once.
But when the same person says this over and over again it's getting annoying.

[goneJackal]

It was my sister's birthday party last Saturday. It is cold and my hair was loose, so it was "when are you going to cut/donate your hair" day.
No problems until my aunt started:

Aunt: When are you going to cut your hair?
Me: Not anytime soon, aunt.
Aunt: You could donate it!
Me: I don't think I will.
Aunt: But you should! Why don't you cut it?
Me: Aunt, I will cut my hair whenever I want to.

My first two answers were with a smile, the last one wasn't.

About an hour later:

Aunt: Can I ask you a question?
Me: If it has anything to do with my hair, you better not.
Aunt: OK, you don't have to be rude.

https://felipesv.websiteseguro.com/forum/k_wow.gif

[Groovy Granny]

It was my sister's birthday party last Saturday. It is cold and my hair was loose, so it was "when are you going to cut/donate your hair" day.
No problems until my aunt started:

Aunt: When are you going to cut your hair?
Me: Not anytime soon, aunt.
Aunt: You could donate it!
Me: I don't think I will.
Aunt: But you should! Why don't you cut it?
Me: Aunt, I will cut my hair whenever I want to.

My first two answers were with a smile, the last one wasn't.

About an hour later:

Aunt: Can I ask you a question?
Me: If it has anything to do with my hair, you better not.
Aunt: OK, you don't have to be rude.

https://felipesv.websiteseguro.com/forum/k_wow.gif

Wow; talk about getting the 3rd degree :agape:

Good for you holding your ground :thumbsup:

I wouldn't say you were rude...smile or no smile.

And thankfully you are NOT even contemplating cutting your gorgeous hair :crush:

[goneJackal]

Wow; talk about getting the 3rd degree :agape:
Good for you holding your ground :thumbsup:
I wouldn't say you were rude...smile or no smile.
And thankfully you are NOT even contemplating cutting your gorgeous hair :crush:

Thank you, GG! https://felipesv.websiteseguro.com/forum/k_paixao.gif

I was told off later by my mother, so I guess I was a bit rude after all. Let's just wait and see if my aunt fires her questions again next time. https://felipesv.websiteseguro.com/forum/k_facepalm.gif

[Sarahlabyrinth]

Thank you, GG! https://felipesv.websiteseguro.com/forum/k_paixao.gif

I was told off later by my mother, so I guess I was a bit rude after all. Let's just wait and see if my aunt fires her questions again next time. https://felipesv.websiteseguro.com/forum/k_facepalm.gif

Hopefully she won't. Wow, I would get annoyed if someone said that to me. Glad you stood your ground.

[EdG]

Thank you, GG! https://felipesv.websiteseguro.com/forum/k_paixao.gif

I was told off later by my mother, so I guess I was a bit rude after all. Let's just wait and see if my aunt fires her questions again next time. https://felipesv.websiteseguro.com/forum/k_facepalm.gifgonejackal - I see that you are a lawyer. What area of law do you practice?

In my layman's opinion, your aunt's repeated questioning is starting to sound like harassment.

Telling her to stop is not being rude. It is a legal step to prove harassment if she continues.

You should be able to fix this better than any of us can. :)
Ed

[M.McDonough]

Thank you, GG! https://felipesv.websiteseguro.com/forum/k_paixao.gif

I was told off later by my mother, so I guess I was a bit rude after all. Let's just wait and see if my aunt fires her questions again next time. https://felipesv.websiteseguro.com/forum/k_facepalm.gif

I don't really get nosy people like your aunt and my uncle. Why can't they just butt out?

[Groovy Granny]

Thank you, GG! https://felipesv.websiteseguro.com/forum/k_paixao.gif

I was told off later by my mother, so I guess I was a bit rude after all. Let's just wait and see if my aunt fires her questions again next time. https://felipesv.websiteseguro.com/forum/k_facepalm.gif



Perhaps it is local/old school thinking on their part because you stood your ground and put her in her place (nicely I thought) :hmm:

You are a grown man and have the right to do as you please (it certainly does not affect them), and you have the right to assert yourself rather than allow them to bully/embarrass you publicly.

They just didn't like to hear it ;)

[goneJackal]

Hopefully she won't. Wow, I would get annoyed if someone said that to me. Glad you stood your ground.

I don't really get nosy people like your aunt and my uncle. Why can't they just butt out?

Perhaps it is local/old school thinking on their part because you stood your ground and put her in her place (nicely I thought) :hmm:

You are a grown man and have the right to do as you please (it certainly does not affect them), and you have the right to assert yourself rather than allow them to bully/embarrass you publicly.

They just didn't like to hear it ;)

My bet is she won't stop, because it's not really about my hair, it's about her.
She often says how my hair is just like my mother's hair was when they were younger.
She is pathologically jealous of my mother, so there it is.


gonejackal - I see that you are a lawyer. What area of law do you practice?

In my layman's opinion, your aunt's repeated questioning is starting to sound like harassment.

Telling her to stop is not being rude. It is a legal step to prove harassment if she continues.

You should be able to fix this better than any of us can. :)
Ed
I'm specialized in criminal law, but I work mostly with civil law.
I think being a lawyer is the problem: I keep defending her in my head. https://felipesv.websiteseguro.com/forum/k_gargalhada.gif
She's gone through a lot and needs professional help. I don't think she's getting the mental health therapy she so desperately needs.
But I can't force her, obviously, and I already gave my polite (but unsolicited) opinion to my cousins.

Besides that, I think I already indulged her long enough.

[EdG]

My bet is she won't stop, because it's not really about my hair, it's about her.
She often says how my hair is just like my mother's hair was when they were younger.
She is pathologically jealous of my mother, so there it is.That explains it. The problem runs much deeper than hair.


I'm specialized in criminal law, but I work mostly with civil law.
I think being a lawyer is the problem: I keep defending her in my head. https://felipesv.websiteseguro.com/forum/k_gargalhada.gif
She's gone through a lot and needs professional help. I don't think she's getting the mental health therapy she so desperately needs.
But I can't force her, obviously, and I already gave my polite (but unsolicited) opinion to my cousins.

Besides that, I think I already indulged her long enough.Well, switch from being the defense to being the prosecution. ;)
Ed