Accepting the reality that I have curly hair - giving up straightening

[Lady Honey]

Hey Longhair friends!

Have any of you out there with curly hair struggled with it? For years, I've been blow drying my hair straight with a round brush, fighting my 2c/3a curls every step along the way. I was teased mercilessly growing up for having voluminous curly hair, and it really gave me a complex about my hair for almost my whole life. I've been growing my hair out, but my progress has been stuck around midback length due to the constant breakage caused by my heat and straightening loving ways. I finally came to a realization: I can either have straight hair, or I can have long hair - I cannot have both. I am choosing long hair. I'm tired of fighting my curls, I'm letting my hair be what it is.

I've been doing tons of research and look at a a ton of curly long hair inspiration, and today is my first day wearing my hair naturally curly in years. It looks... decent. I know with time it'll get even curlier and healthier as it recovers from the abuse. I just gotta stick through these awkward first few weeks as I learn what the hell I'm doing. ;)

I was wondering if there was anyone else out there with curly hair who has had a similarly hard time accepting your natural texture, and if you were able to reach your length goals? Or if you have any tips for caring for long curly hair? I would love to hear stories of you ladies and gents who have been in my boat

[Glitch]

Oh wow, we joined for pretty much the same reason and I've had the same experiences with my natural wavy hair (whereas everyone else sports 1a pin straight hair where I live). My hair also becomes 3a when in salt water, so strange! Anyway, my hair always looked terrible because I never cared for it and so I wasn't a fan. I simply straightened, or rather ahem, fried the crap out of my hair for years and years lol. It would only grow a little past BSL before snapping off or becoming extremely straggly/weak looking. It finally became so brittle and damaged, it was beyond help. I had to chop it off and learn how to care for it from scratch. It honestly took me a long time to "get over" my hair texture and learn to stand it (definitely worth the patience though), while everybody else had a totally different look from me.

After about a year of caring for my hair, it finally passed BSL. Right now it's a little past waist. It looks super healthy, shiny, and is very strong (it's really hard to break a strand by yanking on it). I received my first hair compliments as well. However, that's when I realized that despite it looking the best it can in all its 'wavy glory' and being super healthy and looking the part, I still had another preference. It bothered me for a while since I had come so far, but I just couldn't deny anymore that I have a straight hair preference on myself -it is what it is. My hair can look fantastic but it still won't appeal to me in the same way that my straight hair does. I didn't want to go back to heat styling though, so I just practised heat-free straightening styles until I got it right. My hair remains healthy and strong, while I can enjoy my preference. As MINAKO (used to be a member here, known for her beautiful keratin-treated hair) said: "For me that's ok, I wouldn't want super long hair if it wasn't straight..." I just think that's key, figuring it all out (new hair routine for natural hair, finding out your preferences and learning to appreciate what you've got, etc.) and being okay with it.

This is just my own journey, and I'd never have thought I'd learn all that I have so far! I can't even believe I don't use any chemicals or heat anymore. I'm sure you'll also learn more than you ever thought you could about your hair type and what to do for it :) While I didn't end up sticking with my natural hair look, I don't dislike it anymore. Even today, in extremely windy and rainy weather as my hair became wavy, I liked it, and am still rocking it lol. I just like something else more on myself and that's fine :) But I do know that if I didn't learn to care for it, I'd probably never have come to see it in its best state and learned to like it.

Anyway like you said, after you get over that awkward phase of ditching the straightener and not totally knowing what you're doing, it all gets a lot better from there! And a whole lot easier too. Once upon a time I couldn't imagine not straightening my hair, but now, I can't imagine picking up that tool again lol. Your hair may look "decent" today, but soon it will look great. Keep it up and don't give in :flower: I'm really excited for you and can't wait until your new healthy hair grows past midback length! Happy growing :heartbeat

[Spikey]

Good for you! I hope you enjoy your natural texture.

I haven't really had the same acceptance issues you have, but maybe making your curls look good will give you more confidence. And since we have pretty similar hair (almost identical, actually), what works on me will hopefully work on you! Here's some of my favorites:

Frizz- I saw you posting about this on a different thread, and frizz is one of the hardest things to accept about curls, but I think some styles actually look better with it. Milkmaid Braids are usually smooth, but I find I wear mine for a full day or two, and at the end of the day it just looks like one of those styles that's supposed to be messy for a little more texture. I like to start mine with dutch braids, then pin with amish pins. To make sure it looks like I made it messy on purpose, I just leave out some of the hair in front of my ears to curl. This usually also gives me frizzlets (Frizz that turns into ringlets) which are just lovely. French braids look nice curly too. Work with your texture, not against it! Some styles look good messy.
Styles that make me hate my frizz are ones that don't have much texture to begin with- plain buns are a bit sad because my hair poofs in all the wrong places (clouds around my ears), but adding an accent braid, or doing a french braid into a bun make the frizz more natural.

Sebum- I love the oils that are already in my hair. I think combing my scalp oils down my length just make my hair so softer and more shiny than any product does. I usually finger comb. Oil preferences differ so much from person to person though, you might like something else.

Protective styles- I bun/updo my hair daily, which prevents damage of course, but also gradually straightens my hair over the course of the week. The first day after a wash, I'm all ringlets, but after a week of oil and buns I'm about a 2a. 2c/3a hair really does give you a foot in both worlds. Want waves? Stick your hair in a bun for a few days. Want curls? A wash day resets you to 3a. You have a lot of options.

Hopefully hearing some positives from a similar hairtype will help you appreciate your hair. Good luck :)

[Glitch]

... Hopefully hearing some positives from a similar hairtype will help you appreciate your hair. Good luck :)

Yes! That always helps a bunch :D Here's a gallery (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=26387) of 2c/3a type hair on here, OP. You just might find a look/routine you really like :)

Some more 2c/3a threads (https://cse.google.com/cse?cx=partner-pub-3235226288598694:5897013588&ie=UTF-8&q=2c/3a&sa=Search&ref=www.longhaircommunity.com/#gsc.tab=0&gsc.q=2c%2F3a&gsc.page=1) that may help. You've maybe already seen these, but just in case!

[Margarita]

This is really me. I remember in Middle School, i had such a passion with straight hair that i would do anything to achieve straight hair. It turned into a mess, my hair was destroyed, i was blow-drying and did the worst for my hair just because i hated curly hair. Now i LOVE curly hair and i do every good deed for my hair to be amazing in the future =D As for frizz, i sometimes wet the section which is the frizzier or just put a creme. In humid days, i wash my hair with only water and add a curl creme afterwards and as always scrunching. I mostly have my hair down because i feel more confident. I just wish my hair wouldnt get so frizzy and messy after an updo :(

[lapushka]

I've been doing tons of research and look at a a ton of curly long hair inspiration, and today is my first day wearing my hair naturally curly in years. It looks... decent. I know with time it'll get even curlier and healthier as it recovers from the abuse. I just gotta stick through these awkward first few weeks as I learn what the hell I'm doing. ;)

I was wondering if there was anyone else out there with curly hair who has had a similarly hard time accepting your natural texture, and if you were able to reach your length goals? Or if you have any tips for caring for long curly hair? I would love to hear stories of you ladies and gents who have been in my boat

Have you read or ordered the book from Lorraine Massey? It's about the curly girl method, it is the curly bible, and even if you don't take all the tips on washing and such on board, it is still quite a revelation for wavy and curly types.

I went from 1b/c to 2b/c in puberty. The change happened after a major shed in which I had bald patches (hormonal imbalance) and so I had no idea what to do with the sudden "poof" that was my life when it all grew back in more wavy than before. For years I crimped it (no straighteners back then but we had crimpers in the 80s in Belgium) and permed it. All to try and "deal" with it. Guess what? It took me until my 30s to finally accept my natural texture. I'm 45 right now, and so it's been *so* easy to care for and such a breeze compared to what I did before (blow dried it straight, then it would poof up with humidity).

Yeah, I am so glad I "let it go". :D

[mindwiped]

I'm a wurley person here. Mom's hair was stick straight unless she permed it, so she had no clue. I was constantly being asked if I'd brushed it, and I had fuzzy loving Velcro ends, so it always looked like a lion's mane.

For me, the fastest way I've found to defluff is a combo of things. I wash about twice a week, conditioner it whenever I get it wet and use at least two leave in detangler/moisturizers. Even though I'm white, I use products designed for natural black hair. The extra moisture helps my curls behave, and I have fewer split ends than before. Obviously what works for me may not be right for you.

[_fred_]

I was wondering if there was anyone else out there with curly hair who has had a similarly hard time accepting your natural texture, and if you were able to reach your length goals? Or if you have any tips for caring for long curly hair? I would love to hear stories of you ladies and gents who have been in my boat

Hi :blossom: and congratulations! Sounds like the changes you're making will do wonders for your hair, and I hope the good feeling about your curls will only grow :)

I've had similar issues, although with wavy hair rather than curly. I've struggled with severely negative self image for most of my life, and my hair really didn't help. I've never been able to successfully straighten it myself using heat, so I cherished the day or two after every salon visit when my hair was finally neat and tidy and didn't look like I'd been dragged through a bush backwards. It took finding LHC to make me realise that the reason my hair was so difficult was the curl/wave pattern. Things are easier now I've realised this. I've learnt to use heatless straightening on the face framing parts of my hair to stop them curling in a way I really can't stand, but for the rest of it I'm learning how to make the waves look nice rather than fighting them. There are still issues, but it's getting better!

Two products I've found really useful lately are Shea Moisture Jamaican Black Castor Oil Strengthen and Restore Leave-in Conditioner, and Gliss Liquid Silk Spray. My ends can get really really dry, and using these has really helped, even when I wear my hair down. Plus, they smell amazing.

Do you have any product or technique recommendations from your experiments so far? :)

[Milady_DeWinter]

I was wondering if there was anyone else out there with curly hair who has had a similarly hard time accepting your natural texture, and if you were able to reach your length goals? Or if you have any tips for caring for long curly hair? I would love to hear stories of you ladies and gents who have been in my boat

Yay :flower: I read in another thread that it was me who inspired to try wearing your hair naturally curly, I'm so happy about it!!! I share a similar story. When I was little I had 1C/2a hair, and in my teens it became much curlier to 2c/3a. I tried to brush and style it all the same (no curly people in my family or at school to compare, in spain the regular types are the 1s, up to 2a), and I was also growing out a pixie. Also, not only curly, got a TON of hair. So it looked terrible to me, esp being a lonely teen.

Enter hair iron.

I had to iron my hair at least twice a day to keep it straight! Sometimes even three, to have it stick straight. But when I started at the University I abandoned the hair iron for well because of time consuming, and also because of evident hair damage. So, I've been rocking my curls for about 13 years now! I really like them and not only they suit me much better than straight hair ever did: it also requires much less time! In my albums here you can peep my hair, as it's now, growing out dyes/henna, and also before henna/dyes.

So happy that you gave it a try! ^^

[Stray_mind]

Embrace your wurls! It is so breathtakingly beautiful.. Curly and wurly hair is my absolute hair goals and i am so envious for the ladies who have these natural textures. Usually my hair has a wave and a wurl here and there, but when it decides to go full on wavy and wurly, i get ecstatic!

Make sure to post a lot of pics here of your beautiful hair ^^

[embee]

It's good to read that you are coming to grips with reality! I'm quite sure you can make your hair look perfectly lovely, there are many people with great ideas, tips, and tricks, lots of encouragement here.

Much easier to accept what you *are* than spend your life trying pretend to be what you are not ... this from a "straight hair" person who had always wished for waves or curls. Happy Exploration! :)

[chiapommama]

Amen to this^^.

[cjk]

My hairstyles have always been carefully coiffed. I've worn snything from a sculpted flattop to a pompadour worthy of Elvis himself. And because I never HAD hair on the back or sides, I never had any clue that my hair was curly.

Ringlet curls, in fact. My top is wavy, my sides and back are a mix from 2c to 3b.

And to make things worse, I'm at the awkward stage. From behind I'm starting to look like Greg Brady when he got the perm.

But I'm embracing the randomness of the curls. Turns out that God does good work and when left alone, they take on a fairly pleasing shape. Unless I get wind blown, but that's easily fixed by raking it with my hands.

It's a tough transition, not because of the hair but because of my own mindset. But I'm getting there.

You will too.

It's much easier to embrace yourself than to fight it.

[Alex Lou]

Oh wow, we joined for pretty much the same reason and I've had the same experiences with my natural wavy hair (whereas everyone else sports 1a pin straight hair where I live). My hair also becomes 3a when in salt water, so strange! Anyway, my hair always looked terrible because I never cared for it and so I wasn't a fan. I simply straightened, or rather ahem, fried the crap out of my hair for years and years lol. It would only grow a little past BSL before snapping off or becoming extremely straggly/weak looking. It finally became so brittle and damaged, it was beyond help. I had to chop it off and learn how to care for it from scratch. It honestly took me a long time to "get over" my hair texture and learn to stand it (definitely worth the patience though), while everybody else had a totally different look from me.

After about a year of caring for my hair, it finally passed BSL. Right now it's a little past waist. It looks super healthy, shiny, and is very strong (it's really hard to break a strand by yanking on it). I received my first hair compliments as well. However, that's when I realized that despite it looking the best it can in all its 'wavy glory' and being super healthy and looking the part, I still had another preference. It bothered me for a while since I had come so far, but I just couldn't deny anymore that I have a straight hair preference on myself -it is what it is. My hair can look fantastic but it still won't appeal to me in the same way that my straight hair does. I didn't want to go back to heat styling though, so I just practised heat-free straightening styles until I got it right. My hair remains healthy and strong, while I can enjoy my preference. As MINAKO (used to be a member here, known for her beautiful keratin-treated hair) said: "For me that's ok, I wouldn't want super long hair if it wasn't straight..." I just think that's key, figuring it all out (new hair routine for natural hair, finding out your preferences and learning to appreciate what you've got, etc.) and being okay with it.

This is just my own journey, and I'd never have thought I'd learn all that I have so far! I can't even believe I don't use any chemicals or heat anymore. I'm sure you'll also learn more than you ever thought you could about your hair type and what to do for it :) While I didn't end up sticking with my natural hair look, I don't dislike it anymore. Even today, in extremely windy and rainy weather as my hair became wavy, I liked it, and am still rocking it lol. I just like something else more on myself and that's fine :) But I do know that if I didn't learn to care for it, I'd probably never have come to see it in its best state and learned to like it.

Anyway like you said, after you get over that awkward phase of ditching the straightener and not totally knowing what you're doing, it all gets a lot better from there! And a whole lot easier too. Once upon a time I couldn't imagine not straightening my hair, but now, I can't imagine picking up that tool again lol. Your hair may look "decent" today, but soon it will look great. Keep it up and don't give in :flower: I'm really excited for you and can't wait until your new healthy hair grows past midback length! Happy growing :heartbeat
What technique are you using to straighten? Your hair looks so smooth and shiny in your sig and avatar! I'm no where near accepting my natural texture. :P

[Glitch]

What technique are you using to straighten? Your hair looks so smooth and shiny in your sig and avatar! I'm no where near accepting my natural texture. :P

Oh thank you so much!! I think trying out heatless styles are a great first step to ditch the hot tools :) There's actually a clickable link in my sig where I explain what I do, but of course I don't know if it's written well enough for others to understand what I'm describing, so feel free to drop any questions! :heartbeat
I found an even easier method lately, but I'm still experimenting with it :o

[spidermom]

Like many people with borderline wavy/curly hair, I didn't even realize I had it. I thought I had straight hair that wouldn't behave. LHC taught me all about my hair type and how to care for it, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Lady Stardust]

Like many people with borderline wavy/curly hair, I didn't even realize I had it. I thought I had straight hair that wouldn't behave. LHC taught me all about my hair type and how to care for it, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

This is lovely and inspiring :-)

I have some interesting waves appearing near the nape of my neck but I’m not sure whether they’re forming because they’re pushing up against my shoulder. I’m looking forward to seeing what happens when my hair is long enough to fall past my shoulders. I suspect that any wave will be pulled out by the weight.

My best friend when I was a kid had curly hair and I had straight. I always wanted curls and my friend would always say I wouldn’t want them if I had them.

Curls were “in” during the 70s and 80s, not exclusively, but enough for people to want to have perms. It wasn’t until the 90s or 00s that I saw anyone wanting to emulate straight hair like mine. It was quite a revelation.

[lapushka]

Like many people with borderline wavy/curly hair, I didn't even realize I had it. I thought I had straight hair that wouldn't behave. LHC taught me all about my hair type and how to care for it, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

That's me to a T in my teens, when my hair fell out in patches and grew back in 2b/c from 1b/c. It took me until my 30s to realize it even!

[Alex Lou]

Oh thank you so much!! I think trying out heatless styles are a great first step to ditch the hot tools :) There's actually a clickable link in my sig where I explain what I do, but of course I don't know if it's written well enough for others to understand what I'm describing, so feel free to drop any questions! :heartbeat
I found an even easier method lately, but I'm still experimenting with it :o
Ah, thank you!

I have not been able to get hair wrapping to work, but I imagine it would work better if, like you, I didn't comb it while wrapping it. Does it get the center of the spiral scalp hair straight? The part on the back top of your head? I have really defined waves there that always bug me.

[Glitch]

Ah, thank you!

I have not been able to get hair wrapping to work, but I imagine it would work better if, like you, I didn't comb it while wrapping it. Does it get the center of the spiral scalp hair straight? The part on the back top of your head? I have really defined waves there that always bug me.

Ah yes, that classic back piece from hell :p I've tried velcro curlers there among other experiments, but what I found helps me is purposely leaving out that piece until the very end. When everything else is wrapped, I take the back part and wrap it separately around my head in any way that will work for it (usually wrapping it towards a cheek, then towards the bottom back of the head, base of the neck, and around). Works well :) Other times, I don't remove the back part and just have it loop around with the rest of my hair, and it does end up very straight in that loose circle pattern. So, multiple things work and multiple things fail, it all comes down to whatever works with experimenting :)

But anyway if I don't scrunch my hair it looks very similar to yours naturally, and I found another way that works perfectly for me and I don't even have to worry about any back part or anything - the whole thing takes like zero practise and effort (plus no clips or any wrapping needed), and results in super straight but voluminous hair. I'll send you it when I'm done writing it out in a way that makes easy sense lol. I haven't found a video on it so it's hard to visually describe what I mean :doh: Also I want to try it out a few more times to make sure it really always works.

[Alex Lou]

Ah yes, that classic back piece from hell :p I've tried velcro curlers there among other experiments, but what I found helps me is purposely leaving out that piece until the very end. When everything else is wrapped, I take the back part and wrap it separately around my head in any way that will work for it (usually wrapping it towards a cheek, then towards the bottom back of the head, base of the neck, and around). Works well :) Other times, I don't remove the back part and just have it loop around with the rest of my hair, and it does end up very straight in that loose circle pattern. So, multiple things work and multiple things fail, it all comes down to whatever works with experimenting :)

But anyway if I don't scrunch my hair it looks very similar to yours naturally, and I found another way that works perfectly for me and I don't even have to worry about any back part or anything - the whole thing takes like zero practise and effort (plus no clips or any wrapping needed), and results in super straight but voluminous hair. I'll send you it when I'm done writing it out in a way that makes easy sense lol. I haven't found a video on it so it's hard to visually describe what I mean :doh: Also I want to try it out a few more times to make sure it really always works.

Oh I would be very happy if my natural texture were that in my avatar. I always wear bun waves or braid waves and never my natural texture.

Thanks for the advice. I look forward to learning about your new technique. I'll have to consider if it's worth buying some clips to try wrapping again. Although seeing the photo of your hair curly... you have very nice smooth curls so I think it may just be your hair.

[Glitch]

Oh I would be very happy if my natural texture were that in my avatar. I always wear bun waves or braid waves and never my natural texture.

Thanks for the advice. I look forward to learning about your new technique. I'll have to consider if it's worth buying some clips to try wrapping again. Although seeing the photo of your hair curly... you have very nice smooth curls so I think it may just be your hair.

No problem! No need to buy clips, I would try it out with simple bobby pins first :)
Thank you <3 Though I've seen this method on YouTube working on all kinds of hair, including "rougher" coily textures etc. :D Just needs some customizing/adjustments!