15 months

[JEMTheNerd]

So last year, January 5th 2017, I shaved my head into a very, very, very short mohawk/fauxhawk kinda look. My longest strands of hair were at most maybe 2 and a half inches. I decided about June the same year, I would be growing my hair out. And I have been. 15 months later, my hair is now mid neck length, which is very short still. I got a trim from my mom yesterday, which helped me a lot to feel better about my hair. I came so close to shaving it all off again, too. However, I received a lot of negative comments from strangers, classmates, and just random people the last time I cut my hair so short so my parents felt it best to wait til I'm out of High school before I did anything like that again. I'm ok with that, but to an extent I'm not happy. I fancy the idea of having thick, luscious hair but the simplicity, yet the sharp appeal of short hair draws me in. I suppose I will get a bit of both. I have a good year until I graduate, which means my hair will be growing until then. I just feel out of place, I'm not quite sure on how to describe it. I don't hate my hair, it just kinda makes me sad that I'm stuck at a length where it isn't sharp and short, or long and luscious. It's just wavy and weird. I also find that I'm not a fan of tangles. Something I had two years ago of been used to, it angers me like no end. My blood boils, and I can not stand the wind blowing my hair into my eyes, mouth and even my nose and ear holes. I try to ponytail it, but I feel ridiculous with only a small little curl of hair sticking out at the back of my head, and a ponytail doesn't help keep back the whispies. Will I get used to them? Short hair, I never had this problem but I was made to feel unfeminine, and the style I chose did not compliment my face at all. It's also an upkeep to keep trimmed, and less options for everday looks and styling. It's also a risk all in itself to get it cut, never know how your hair is gonna end up even if you do show the hair stylist reference pictures. A lot of people don't find it attractive either. feel plain, and just awkward with my hair. I think I'm gonna continue growing just because I'm finally out of the mullet stage, but has anyone felt like this before, and if so, what did you do? cause, lol I don't know what to do, any advice guys?:(:eye:

[valkyrie90]

I've been growing out my side shave for more than a year now. I loved it but my mom didn't. And it felt frustrated to keep shaving it like every 3 weeks. So I grow it out. Soon I realize it's even more frustrating to grow out a side shave. It feels weird, awkward and riddiculous especially when I wanna put it up in a ponytail or a bun. My hair is different from yours becoz my other side was at BSL when I had my side shaved but still I feel your pain. I know it's hard now but it will grow out. I didn't even trim and now it's mid neck and I can put it in a bun and not feel stupid. You will get used to long hair. I had pixie and bob for years but now I love my simple almost boring over-waist lengthed hair. You will get there if you want to. Hang in there, girl. The best is yet to come.

[cjk]

You and I started, both from shaved, within a few weeks of each other! Congratulations, depending on your hair I'm guessing that you're square in the awkward stage.

Power through it.

High school? Kids are, basically, evil. If it's not your hair, it'll be something else. They WILL pick on you, the way you respond is what remains within your control.

You said yourself that your mom trimmed it and you now feel better about it. Good! Let those good feelings grow.

And seriously, don't put so much stock in the opinions of others. Be open to them, listen of course, but also realize that they really don't matter in the long run.

[Joules]

Learn to do french and dutch braids on yourself. They're magical when it comes to a) taming way too short hair that doesn't fit into a ponytail yet, and b) keeping your hair in one place (which is not your mouth or eyes) when it's windy.

Awkward stage passes quite quickly, and after it hair is pretty easy to take care of. Short haircut requires way too much upkeep, in my opinion.

[Of the Fae]

Hey :) I've been where you are! (Check out my anniversary thread first picture if you want to know how short I started)- But I can't decide for you if you want to grow long or rock it short.
I utterly and fully sympathize with the hair-in-the-face irritation, this is the hardest phase, most awkward, most annoying and least manageable. I could advise you, if it's your style, to wear headbands or scarfs to keep your hair out of the way.

I did something similar to this for a few years http://vixenvintage.blogspot.com/2010/01/how-to-tie-40s-headscarf.html , but with the bow under my neck instead of on top. I also cut back the mullet when the sides were around jaw length, and evened it out into a bob. That really helped make it look more full.

If you really want long hair you can stick it out, for sure, I could to it and I never had hair longer than APL until I joined here. I kept cutting it back off to pixie due to irritation about manageability and tangles.
But don't feel pushed to grow it because of what others say about what you are supposed to be. If you want a feminine look, go for it <3 If you want to look more butch or masculine, or feminine with short hair, go for it! <3 I'm sure you have everyone's wholehearted support. But don't keep yourself from growing because you think it's impossible!

[lapushka]

It doesn't help that you are stuck at an awkward length. This is a matter of pushing through if you *truly* want long hair. But if short is your thing then I don't know why you would need to grow it at all. :flower: Maybe that's just me. It's all about how you feel and how you want to wear your hair, I guess.

[Beeboo123]

I wore alice bands all the time to keep my hair out of my face. Sometimes i miss having short hair, but I sure don’t miss growing it out

[OhSuzi]

After 15 months from shaved, I assume you must have hair thats maybe about eyeball length.
Options are push through and try to remember that hair does not define who you are as a person, whether its long short or a Harry Potter refuses to be neat style!
Growing hair is an exercise in serious patience - and you have to remind yourself - the awkward stage wont last forever! Hair grows!

Invest in some cool hair bands / bobby pins and Google some short hair styles - little twists / tiny fringe french braids - that make you look forward to how your hair is

Or if you really feel for now that you need the confidence boost you might get from a clean slick sharp hair cut that neatens everything up a little - have a look at some styles you might like that matches the length you have now.
You can have sharp crops, or sharp bob cuts and asymmetric pixie cuts with a floppy fringe that can look really cute.
Or pick a style that emphasises your wavyness rather than fighting against it.
However note that this is the scenic route for growing your hair, lots of cool styles to try out along the way but it will take longer to evenly grow out
and some people have a haircut, but then get frustrated at all the growth progress they've lost!

If you're serious about trying for long hair then Id say push through theres a super shorty thread thats good for tips and venting your frustrations!

But it's your hair and noones gonna judge you if you chose to keep it short - well they might but just tell em to bog off and worry about their own hair.

[spidermom]

I second the advice to learn how to french and dutch braid. There are a lot of YouTube videos on it, and it can be done on quite short hair. Tip: combing gel through will help the wispies stay contained.

[JEMTheNerd]

I suppose ultimately it doesn't much matter right now. I want to cut my hair, but others wish for me to keep it growing. I have a year til I can cut it short anyways, which is frustrating all on its own. It seems with anything I want, I'm told to wait. Piercings, I must wait til next year. Travelling, I have to wait at minimum 4 years. Wait, wait, wait. It's getting more and more angering to hear I have to always wait. I don't have a good face shape for long hair, I looked utterly ridiculous with it. I never wore it down, or did anything other than ponytail it because of tangles. Idk, I'm just going to tune myself out like I always have. I don't get how I'm supposed to be confident like my parents tell me, when I can't even decide how my hair looks. I'm going to look so dumb on my senior portrait too. I think I'm going to log off, again for awhile. This is ultimately fueled my depressed state lol, I'm gonna be whiney about this for awhile. But wouldn't you, when you're told no on what to do with your own hair because of how mean others are? :( sorry to have wasted time, guys. I just wanna cry, lol.

[lapushka]

I suppose ultimately it doesn't much matter right now. I want to cut my hair, but others wish for me to keep it growing. I have a year til I can cut it short anyways, which is frustrating all on its own. It seems with anything I want, I'm told to wait. Piercings, I must wait til next year. Travelling, I have to wait at minimum 4 years. Wait, wait, wait. It's getting more and more angering to hear I have to always wait. I don't have a good face shape for long hair, I looked utterly ridiculous with it. I never wore it down, or did anything other than ponytail it because of tangles. Idk, I'm just going to tune myself out like I always have. I don't get how I'm supposed to be confident like my parents tell me, when I can't even decide how my hair looks. I'm going to look so dumb on my senior portrait too. I think I'm going to log off, again for awhile. This is ultimately fueled my depressed state lol, I'm gonna be whiney about this for awhile. But wouldn't you, when you're told no on what to do with your own hair because of how mean others are? :( sorry to have wasted time, guys. I just wanna cry, lol.

Can I ask, if that's the way you feel about your hair, why you are here, on a long hair forum? Genuine question. I am genuinely curious. Is it because of hair health?

But... If cutting is what you want to do, then why not go to the hair dresser and have a trim. Are you over 16 years of age? Then you can do these things on your own just fine. I don't see how you need your parents' permission for that.

For piercings & tattoos - that's a different matter altogether, I can understand that full well.

But this is just a hair cut. I mean, what's the big deal.

You obviously indicated you want it short. :flower:

This is not the grow-long-against-your-will hairforum, surely. ;)

[neko_kawaii]

I can’t stand the feeling of my hair blowing in my face, or laying on my neck. I lived in bandanas the last time I went through the awkward phase until I could braid it all. The thing I like about long hair is that it is so easy to contain. I’m told my face is great for very short hair (got lots of positive comments when it was shaved) which translates to great for always wearing it up.

Your posts are a little unclear on if you yourselff have an interest in having long hair or if someone else is requiring it of you. It is your hair, do what you enjoy with it!

[spitfire511]

lapushka said it (I feel like I say this a lot!)

I've been in your shoes (dying my hair bright orange/blue/purple at 16 without my mother's permission) and am now a mother (who just posted about the agony of her own daughter wanting a chop - and a side shave - allowed for the cut - not the side shave - and we'll note here that she's 10.)


If I'm guessing correctly that you're around 17-18 ish years old, it's a VERY difficult age. Everyone has an opinion. Everyone has rules - but you're supposed to be sure of yourself and make life decisions about careers etc - when you're not allowed to cut your hair. As lapushka said, tattoos, piercings and even travel are a different conversation IMHO - especially the travel if someone else is going to be contributing to that financially - but I agree style and hair and clothes in general should be fair game I believe. For the record - I'm also a mom with tats and piercings that I wasn't allowed to get until I was old enough to sign for and pay for them myself. And it's the same rule I have here with my kids.

Do you think you there is a way to have a chat with your parent(s) about how you're feeling about your hair and work to find something that you'd like the look of that they can live with? It seems like if you were allowed to have the faux hawk at all - you aren't dealing with a mom who is unreasonable (unless you did it without her knowledge or permission) Keeping a style while growing is the key to loving or hating it in my experience - and no parent wants their kid to be miserable.

I will say that we discovered here that a French braid of one entire side part gave my daughter the side shave look she liked without the cut - and ALL the girls at school loved it - even the girlie girls who don't usually notice that she exists. She wasn't looking for the attention - but loves the look and asks me to do it frequently now.

:grouphug: I hope you find some peace with this very soon!!

[JEMTheNerd]

Here for hair health tips and such! And just occasional hair advice. Yes, I'm over 16- I'm 18 actually. I haven't cut it because I don't have a Job, and I respect my parents wishes for me too much to go behind their backs like that.

[JEMTheNerd]

They don't mind my hair, they just are scared I'll be bullied again for it. They want me to wait until I graduate, but I feel just stuck is all. I can't pull it back, and it's always in the way. I understand my parents wishes, and they just want me to just wait til graduation before piercings which I can wait. Plan to get my lip, and eyebrow pierced ;) my parents are very opened minded. They just want me to have it easy at school as when I did cut my hair, I was belittled a lot. I was often assumed as gay, as a man, or just told I was a poor excuse for a woman. But I was in the bible belt at the time, I live in a more liberal area now.

[lapushka]

Here for hair health tips and such! And just occasional hair advice. Yes, I'm over 16- I'm 18 actually. I haven't cut it because I don't have a Job, and I respect my parents wishes for me too much to go behind their backs like that.

Oh OK! :flower: Like I mentioned, it was a genuine question, I was just being nosy, I guess. ;) Hmm, hard if your parents are against it, but as long as it is "just" a short traditional cut, they should be fine with it, right. Then why not go for a nice pixie? That might be do-able?


They don't mind my hair, they just are scared I'll be bullied again for it. They want me to wait until I graduate, but I feel just stuck is all. I can't pull it back, and it's always in the way. I understand my parents wishes, and they just want me to just wait til graduation before piercings which I can wait. Plan to get my lip, and eyebrow pierced ;) my parents are very opened minded. They just want me to have it easy at school as when I did cut my hair, I was belittled a lot. I was often assumed as gay, as a man, or just told I was a poor excuse for a woman. But I was in the bible belt at the time, I live in a more liberal area now.

Oh, very understandable then! Parents just want to look out for you.

Maybe wait until you're over 18 and a bit more independent (aka going to college and probably having a job)? Could that be an option? Then you don't need to feel as bad the way you do.

[cjk]

They don't mind my hair, they just are scared I'll be bullied again for it.

Blend in and don't make waves is fairly good advice, if your goal is to not stand out. It sounds like you are the type of person who lights up a room when you walk in...you can't cover a light like that.


I was belittled a lot. I was often assumed as gay, as a man, or just told I was a poor excuse for a woman. But I was in the bible belt at the time, I live in a more liberal area now.

How dreadful for you. Liberal areas are among the most unaccepting and bigoted of all. My only legitimately negative experiences have come from others in the LGBT. From your description I'm assuming you're trans, which makes it doubly hard. You're going to have to grow a spine, stand up to those who belittle you.

As much as I understand your parents' desire to prevent even minor bullying towards their baby, I'm going to suggest this instead. If you have reached the age of 18 and can't accept a random fellow student saying something unflattering about your hairstyle, you lack the strength to be an adult. Dealing with opinions that differ from yours, accepting that not everyone will always agree with you, nor you with them, is a part of growing up.

Ask yourself this. Why does their opinion matter? No one else can MAKE you feel bad about yourself...ultimately that is your choice.

[nycelle]

While your parents concerns are valid, I think they're missing the bigger picture in that you're miserable now. If something as simple as cutting your hair will make you feel better, then you need to have a sit down with them and explain to them what you've said here.

cjk- Jem was bullied in the bible belt region, not the more liberal area where the family now lives. In fact, that comment of yours - about how unaccepting and bigoted liberals areas are is ridiculously off.

[enting]

I hope you can get whatever haircut makes you feel good soon.

Unfortunately, picking on people for their appearances doesn't end after high school, but hopefully it'll be a little less rampant. Some people don't get a choice in whether they have hair or not, some people have hair loss, others can't grow very long. The idea of picking on someone for not having much hair regardless of it being a choice or not just comes across as really ignorant to me and something for them to be re-educated about. But then, I'm a very "you do you as long as you're not injuring anyone else" kind of person.

I'm going to second the poster above who asked if you might be able to sit down with your parents and have a talk. I can understand them wanting to decide certain things for you while you're still under their roof, but 18 is adult most places around the world. It might be good to try to have an adult-to-adult conversation on the matter rather than an adult-instructing-a-minor sort of thing. It sounds like they care very much about you and your wellbeing, they may not realize how emotionally laden your haircut *to you* is.

I myself love having long hair but hate hair in my face. Bandanas, wide headbands, and wrapping with headscarves have been great for keeping hair out of my face and from irritating me.

[cjk]

cjk - Jem was bullied in the bible belt region, not the more liberal area where the family now lives. In fact, that comment of yours - about how unaccepting and bigoted liberals areas are is ridiculously off.

Individual experiences vary, of course, but our views are illustrative of the difference between theory and individual practice. I am a sexual minority, and consequently lumped together with many others under the rainbow umbrella.

In theory, the LGBT is a welcoming and accepting group that is all about love and acceptance for everybody.

In practice it is a judgmental group of miserable bullies who want to impose themselves and their views on others. My particular stripe was absorbed, not because it was fundamentally beneficial, but because as a lobbying group the LGBT recognizes the value of increased numbers, and we are often treated quite badly, marginalized and even find ourselves subject to erasure. And, in my own experience, the worst offenders are others in the LGBT.

I've put up with decades of this crap, dealing with unaccepting folks in what you call the Bible Belt, sometimes welcoming the superficial tolerance in more liberal areas, and have had time to understand the underlying differences between the two.

Those who tend to call themselves liberal focus on style and use force to impose that style. Cram the right percentages into the workforce, and so forth. It is disingenuous and is actually an insulting act of prejudice and bigotry in itself, even if it is well intentioned.

Honest disagreement is different and requires a more mature viewpoint to fully understand and accept. I'd rather be disliked for who and what I am, than be forced on people who have to grit their teeth in silence.

Merit and freedom. Instead of labels and checkboxes.

No, my point of view might be atypical amongst those of us in the alphabet crew, but it is not actually off base.

JEM - the only person who can make you feel good about yourself is you. Pleasing your parents is a big deal for s lot of people, heck I'm in my forties and my mother's opinion is disproportionately important to me.

But at some point you realize that decisions like hairstyle are your own.

I'm assuming that you live with your parents. You're 18. Old enough to make decisions about how you want to present yourself to the world. At your age my parents would have had input...but input. Not absolute veto power.

Might be time to have a grownup conversation with them.

[JEMTheNerd]

No I'm not trans. I identify as I was born, female. I'm just big and more tomboy than others around me. I'm not sure how to have an adult conversation without being over talked, or treated as a kid. It is, after all, hair. They dont see that I'm upset by it because I haven't let them known that. I've been working on pleasing them, rather than me because they being happy makes me feel like I'm doing good.

[lithostoic]

It won't be long before you can ponytail it. Just grit your teeth! Headbands work.

Or just cut it. You're 18 for f***s sake. You can wear your hair however you like and idc what your parents have to say.

[Lady Stardust]

I don't hate my hair, it just kinda makes me sad that I'm stuck at a length where it isn't sharp and short, or long and luscious. It's just wavy and weird. I also find that I'm not a fan of tangles. Something I had two years ago of been used to, it angers me like no end. My blood boils, and I can not stand the wind blowing my hair into my eyes, mouth and even my nose and ear holes.

I felt exactly like this when I was growing out my pixie cut. I couldn’t understand why I found it so infuriating now but I never did when I had longer hair in the past. The good news is, that feeling passed when my hair got just a bit longer, somewhere just past chin length. Now, a few months later, I’m almost at shoulder length and I can keep it off my face in a French plait. It feels so good to have control over my hair again.

It’s not known as an awkward stage for nothing. You don’t seem to be sure about what you want to do, you mentioned in your first post that you don’t like the upkeep of regular haircuts especially when the stylist might misinterpret what you want. But, you’re also saying you just want to cut it but you can’t.

I totally understand that you don’t want to do something just because you feel that it’s expected of you, and it seems that you might prefer the idea of short hair just as a way of standing up for yourself, rather than because it’s what you really want? (I’m not knocking short hair by the way, I love it.)

If you’re not sure, it’s best to do nothing at the moment. It would seem a shame to have gone through awkward growing out stages without really being happy with your hair at the end of it. All that awkwardness for no reward. Maybe set a small time limit, say 3 months? or 6 months? and see how you feel then. If at the end of that time you still think you won’t like your hair longer, or you really want to go short, then go for it.

In the meantime try and distract yourself with music or films or sport or whatever you have an interest in. We all get frustrated and upset if we dwell in our hair too much, sometimes we need a new focus for a little while.

[Trip]

I relate to much on the being stuck between the two and what to do
I love how short hair feels and looks but i definitely look more conventionally attractive with longer hair and notice more people give me attention/respect than when i had short hair. Also men are a lot more interested in me not that i care about that as i have a girlfriend but it definitely has its benefits when i need help or a favor. I also hate tangles and wind more than anything and had the embarrassing mini pony but powered through and have reached “girl length” i guess and am gonna keep going til im sick of it. For now its all new and fun the longer it gets once youre past the awkward awkward stage its so much easier. So i guess the point of this is dont worry about what other people think cut it if you like or ponytail it because no one is looking at it lol. The most important thing is you being comfortable.

[ursaV]

I think you'll be way happier after the year is over. It is sort of good that you have the year to be "forced" to grow because it will get a whole lot easier from here on out. I used to have a short pixie, and felt the exact same as you do. Frustration and fussing over having it in my face, and wanting two polar opposite looks. Once I got past the awkward stage where it's finally all long enough to put up, I felt so refreshed. It can all be up and out of the way to let your face and neck breathe (plus that helps prevent tangles). And then you have the option of letting it down! You can make a lot of sleek looks with long hair too, and it sounds like something you want to try. So I say try to grow so you can definitively say which you prefer!
As for your parents, I don't really think a sit down talk is necessary, unless they're being restrictive in other areas of life. For my senior year I made concessions to dye my hair a natural color and take out my nose ring to make my mom happy. I think sometimes you just have to compromise like that. Also, ignore those who bully you, people will always have something foul to say no matter what you do so it's just important to be happy with yourself.

[JEMTheNerd]

Thanks, everyone for your comments. :) I find I feel a lot better now. I have to grow my hair out, so I may as well not be a spoil sport about it. I hope that I do start to feel better about my hair, and that maybe it'll even look good on me long. I'm gonna continue to grow and hope for the best! I think once it gets to a more manageable length, I'll be able to feel more confident about it as well. Who knows, maybe I need this year of growing to really see if I want to keep it growing or not! Right now my hair is about mid neck length. So by this time next year it could very well be at armpit length. I'm gonna try and remain positive about this, watch hair styling tutorials for short hair and such, maybe learning styles to do my hair in will help a lot! I want long hair, and short. I think I outta act more mature about my situation, besides I may end up really liking having long hair! I think it'll also be easier once swim season is over, swim caps are awful :rolleyes: I'm gonna keep a brighter outlook on this, I'm sure I'll find something to take away from this situation even if I do decide to cut it off again after a year! :D

[enting]

I'm glad you're feeling better :)

I thought of another style to avoid having short hairs in your face. The little wispies around the front and sides of your hairline can be contained with small lacebraids running just an inch or so wide along the hairline. I'm not sure how long the hair has to be for it to stay in that style, but I think you might have enough. For myself, any hair that flops around past that point isn't as maddening.

I wonder if awkward stage hair length is maddening when it brushes your face because its so short the ends are poking you, kind of like being teased with a braid tassel or something like that. Once it's a bit longer the length sliding along your skin might be less angering than just the tips poking you (we can hope). I totally understand certain sensations making one angry.

[cjk]

I do a rope braid, even easier. It's a great way to keep them out of your eyes.

[enting]

Yes, I usually do a rope braid too. It's far easier. My friend told me I was "cheating" :D

[lapushka]

Thanks, everyone for your comments. :) I find I feel a lot better now. I have to grow my hair out, so I may as well not be a spoil sport about it. I hope that I do start to feel better about my hair, and that maybe it'll even look good on me long. I'm gonna continue to grow and hope for the best! I think once it gets to a more manageable length, I'll be able to feel more confident about it as well. Who knows, maybe I need this year of growing to really see if I want to keep it growing or not! Right now my hair is about mid neck length. So by this time next year it could very well be at armpit length. I'm gonna try and remain positive about this, watch hair styling tutorials for short hair and such, maybe learning styles to do my hair in will help a lot! I want long hair, and short. I think I outta act more mature about my situation, besides I may end up really liking having long hair! I think it'll also be easier once swim season is over, swim caps are awful :rolleyes: I'm gonna keep a brighter outlook on this, I'm sure I'll find something to take away from this situation even if I do decide to cut it off again after a year! :D

Looks like you made a decision. :D

Try looking into a peacock twist; that with a few claw clips should keep you settled for a good while!