Bridesmaid hair: hairstylist or do it myself?

[dellad]

Hi everyone, I'm hoping for some opinions and advice. I'm going to be a bridesmaid in a month and the bride has generously offered to have a hairstylist do the wedding day styles for all the bridesmaids. I have calf length hair that is ultra fine, on the thin side of ii, and extremely prone to tangling and breakage. I'm worried that a wedding hairstylist won't be familiar with handling long hair like mine and will cause a lot of damage.

I've talked about this with the bride and she's totally fine with me doing my own hair if that's what I prefer. The problem is, I'm really really rubbish at doing fancy styles. I wear a nautilus bun every day and don't even know how to do a French braid. Any attempt at practicing other styles just results in lots of tangles and breakage.

So what should I do? Have a stylist do my hair and risk the damage? Or do my own hair and potentially look really out of place with my plain bun? I would really appreciate hearing from other fine haired folks with long hair who have had a stylist work on their hair. Did it cause lots of damage?

[Pol]

I have never had hair anywhere close to your length, but I would be wary myself about letting a hairstylist at my own hair. From my experience they tend to use a lot of product and potentially damaging styling methods. Unless your hair is very robust or you have a very unusual stylist I think it could be a big risk.

Could you jazz up your bun routine? Try a braided bun, put some twists in the side before you bun it, or use some hair flowers? I bet your hair will look utterly beautiful, even if you don't do anything fancy with it.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

If I were you, I wouldn't risk having a stylist anywhere near my hair. I'm sure if you do a nice bun and add some lovely flowers your hair will look beautiful and elegant. Simple is usually better IMO.

[Soulina]

Nautilus can be really pretty too, maybe few flowers etc. to make it more fancy. I would not let hairstylist style my hair if I had hair as long as yours. I do not let hairstylists style my hair with my almost hip length hair.

[Lady Stardust]

A nautilus bun might seem plain to you, but that doesn’t mean anyone else at the wedding will see it that way. It will look carefully dressed and elegant.

I once performed at a wedding where the bride had her hair up in a bun with no decoration and she didn’t wear any jewellery. She wore a simple silk dress with no decoration and looked absolutely stunning. I’m a real accessories girl, more is more for me, so it was great to see a demonstration of how simple styles are also gorgeous.

[Stray_mind]

I would say do it yourself. There are many ideas of how to turn a "plain bun" into a fancy festive one.

You still have time until the wedding, right?

So try out some different things, like adding some accent braids, french twists, or do some light overnight heatless curls on a few strands and gently wrap them into your bun.
Or you can do your bun with the tail out and slightly curl the ends...

Accesorize, put in some flower pins in your hair...

Be creative. :)

[alimc]

i think either your normal bun, or a braided bun with an accent braid (hope i used the right term) would look gorgeous with either flower clips, butterflies, or any other type of decoration clip.

If there is a theme for the wedding (we had a tartan theme for ours) maybe you could accessorise accordingly?

I bet your ‘plain bun’ would look simple but beautiful too...:heartbeat

[Milady_DeWinter]

I think I'll be the one that will tell you to take the offer :) Why not? Even if she's not familiar with long hair, she can do a good job. You can talk to her in advance, telling about forbidden products and heat tools that she won't use, and even provide your own products. She can make a nice french braid or something similar to contain your hair, protect it and show off your lenght. May be you won't have this opportunity never again :o Why don't take the chance?

Treat yoself :p

[Soulina]

I think I'll be the one that will tell you to take the offer :) Why not? Even if she's not familiar with long hair, she can do a good job. You can talk to her in advance, telling about forbidden products and heat tools that she won't use, and even provide your own products. She can make a nice french braid or something similar to contain your hair, protect it and show off your lenght. May be you won't have this opportunity never again :o Why don't take the chance?

Treat yoself :p

Most stylist do not even know how to brush long hair, only styles they seem to know requires teasing and hairspray. Or how to braid long hair without making the ends tangled :rant:
I have had a bad experience with stylists, there is several reason why not to let hairstylist near your hair.

[nycelle]

Generally bridesmaids have the same, or very similar styled hair. If you can do whatever style that is, that's great. But if not, then the you should have the pro do it it.
Like Milady_DeWinter said, just tell her what you don't want her using, or doing and enjoy the rest of the experience.

[Kake]

Usually hairdressers and weddings equal updos anyway, or curls. So your own nautilus may fit right in. Your bridesmaid clothes, make-up etc (if that's what's happening) may feel dressed up and special enough, I don't think your ultra fragile hair is worth risking for a one day thing.

Or you could maybe identify one "special" style that could be easy enough and hair friendly enough for you to try to learn for the wedding. A nautilus variation maybe?

[Larki]

Stylists are not evil, I had my hair done by a stylist for my sister's wedding and she skipped the curling iron for me and used my own combs and hair pins, was very gentle, didn't even use hairspray. You just have to communicate with them, tell them what you want.

[Aredhel]

I wouldn't risk a stylist, especially at your length. A braided bun would look beautiful IMO, they always look way more complex and intricate than they really are. :)

[MlleMC]

How long do you have until the wedding? Do you have time to practice doing different hairstyles? I personally would try doing my own hair, but I do have a bit more experience with fancy hairdos. But a regular bun can easily be made to look much fancier with a simple accent braid or a cute accessory.

If you can talk to the hairdresser before deciding, you could also see if she actually knows anything about styling very long hair, or if she could just do some accent braids or something and let you do your bun. Although I know that I wouldn't trust hairdressers with my hair, so much that I'll be doing my own wedding hair (to my mother's great displeasure...).


Generally bridesmaids have the same, or very similar styled hair. If you can do whatever style that is, that's great. But if not, then the you should have the pro do it it.
Like Milady_DeWinter said, just tell her what you don't want her using, or doing and enjoy the rest of the experience.

Not necessarily. My bridesmaids certainly won't have similar styles since they have such different hair types (one has something like 2c/C/iii, and the other closer to 1b/F/i/ii, and so silky that it can't hold braids without products). They'll already have identical dresses, so they can do whatever they want with their hair.

[CopperButterfly]

I agree with others that you can easily dress up a bun. I think flexi8's look really fancy over a bun. There are lots of clips and pins out there you can dress it up too, and adding done side twists before you bun can add softness to the hair around your face.

[nycelle]

How long do you have until the wedding? Do you have time to practice doing different hairstyles? I personally would try doing my own hair, but I do have a bit more experience with fancy hairdos. But a regular bun can easily be made to look much fancier with a simple accent braid or a cute accessory.

If you can talk to the hairdresser before deciding, you could also see if she actually knows anything about styling very long hair, or if she could just do some accent braids or something and let you do your bun. Although I know that I wouldn't trust hairdressers with my hair, so much that I'll be doing my own wedding hair (to my mother's great displeasure...).



Not necessarily. My bridesmaids certainly won't have similar styles since they have such different hair types (one has something like 2c/C/iii, and the other closer to 1b/F/i/ii, and so silky that it can't hold braids without products). They'll already have identical dresses, so they can do whatever they want with their hair.

Right, that's why I said "generally". The styles don't have to match perfectly, but they all have a similar look and feel. Like a soft up do can be done numerous ways, but it's still a soft updo. That's what I see going on here at weddings.

But @dellad never mentioned how the bride wants their hair.. so maybe wearing it down is also a possibility?

[Nini]

I think I would've taken the offer of having my hair done. I treated myself to an updo for a ball in college and it looked smashing. It was a pain removing all the forty hairpins, but my fine hair was no worse for the wear after washing out the hairspray.

There's always the option of having a chat with the stylist beforehand. If you get a bad vibe, just do it yourself. Or you can take care of the bunning yourself, but have the stylist help you with an accent braid or something like that.

It could also be an opportunity to invest in a hairtoy you've wanted, if it's within your budget :)

[cjk]

Is the idea that your hair be styled? Or is the idea that the styles be the same among the bridesmaids?

It's a generous offer. If you can work with the stylist, it might be nice to pamper yourself. And, having the same stylist for all the bridesmaids could give a very nice appearance to the wedding party.

What styles CAN you do, yourself? Remember, fancy does not have to mean elaborate. In fact, simple tends to read as more elegant than any of these wildly fanciful updos.

[spitfire511]

Was digging for a photo I can't seem to find - in my wedding, my maid of honor did her own hair (well they all did, and I didn't really care what they did) she was at about waist at the time. She did a beautiful low braided bun that was understated and perfect!

It sounds (guessing here) like the bride is offering this as a treat and isn't being terribly fussy if she's already said she doesn't mind you doing your own hair. And I don't know how much of a 'treat' it is if you're stressing about damage the whole time (if I were you those spooling thoughts might even overtake my enjoyment of the day - but that's me).

I'd do as others have suggested - either take the time over the next few weeks to perfect another bun that you've wanted to learn and find to be beautiful - or go with your standard nautilus (I find those to be VERY elegant) and pick up a few little things to dress it up if you like - a new stick or some flowers or gems - whatever you like and the bride likes as well (as it *would* be nice to get her opinion!)

I can only assume that someone who's asked you to be in their wedding knows you (and your hair) well - and just wants you to feel beautiful and happy! :grouphug:

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

See, for my cousins wedding, I was FORCED to go to a stylist.
I spent so much fu*king money... 50$ to get my hair styled.
I refused to let them use heat but I let them use hairspray and at the end of the night my hair was so dry and tangled.
It did look nice in photos but honestly, I could have done what she had done to my hair for free.

I had her do a half up. I don’t even remember if she braided my hair.
I couldn’t see the back of my head so it’s not like I know what my hair really looked like.
I went to a stylist SHE picked, and I should have been more firm.
But
At the end of the day, the “damage” was minimal. Took a few days of pampering but my hair went back to normal.
Do what you think is right but if you do let the stylist touch your hair be firm and really vocal about your preferences.

[Alex Lou]

I bet your everyday bun is beautiful, elegant, and more than good enough for a wedding.

[hennalove]

Hi everyone, I'm hoping for some opinions and advice. I'm going to be a bridesmaid in a month and the bride has generously offered to have a hairstylist do the wedding day styles for all the bridesmaids. I have calf length hair that is ultra fine, on the thin side of ii, and extremely prone to tangling and breakage. I'm worried that a wedding hairstylist won't be familiar with handling long hair like mine and will cause a lot of damage.

I've talked about this with the bride and she's totally fine with me doing my own hair if that's what I prefer. The problem is, I'm really really rubbish at doing fancy styles. I wear a nautilus bun every day and don't even know how to do a French braid. Any attempt at practicing other styles just results in lots of tangles and breakage.

So what should I do? Have a stylist do my hair and risk the damage? Or do my own hair and potentially look really out of place with my plain bun? I would really appreciate hearing from other fine haired folks with long hair who have had a stylist work on their hair. Did it cause lots of damage?

It's a very generous offer indeed but since the bride is fine with you doing your own hair, I would go with that rather than put yourself under undue stress. I definitely would not be going to a stylist you aren't familiar with. Your bun is an elegant, timeless style so I'm sure will look fine and you could always dress it up with mini braids, a nice clip or hair sticks.

We have a fall wedding and as the new MIL would like to look my best but can recall the last wedding do and there's no way I'll repeat that. I've been searching YouTube video tutorials and slowly mastering a few fancy techniques. It might be something you could do if you have the time to go slow. Some of the more complicated looks are really quite easy when you see them done. I was trying a crown braid today and while the results were ok they could have been better. After the third attempt, I got frustrated and gave up but will try again tomorrow. The key is going slow so you don't cause any hair damage and stepping away if you get frustrated. Just an idea.

[CrowningGlory]

I've done both as Mother of the Groom. Twice I went with the stylist the bride and bridesmaids were using and my hair looked amazing. Once, I did it myself and my hair still looked good (although I damp bunned to get a more polished look and since it was hot that wasn't too much of a problem but it probably wasn't best) but it was so much more stressful getting it to look nice.

Next time (yep, large family so still some more weddings to come) I'd go with a stylist again. I talked to them beforehand and took in pictures of what I liked and they were gentle. I did have my hair straightened one time but it was a once-off and I didn't notice any damage. Neither time did they tease/backcomb,and use of hairspray etc was minimal.

Only you can decide but I'd suggest go with a stylist and be very clear about what they can use on your hair and about being gentle. They're not all out to destroy our long hair (and I have had some bad cutting experiences).

[Kae612]

There also might be a compromise - you could de-tangle your own hair and have the stylist do a very simple style eg. a French braid that you can bun yourself or leave down for the event. And then decorate it. I had a stylist do my hair for prom, and the most fun part was adding small heat-styled curled tendrils at the front, and pinning flowers into the bun. She might be open to letting you do most of it yourself and then decorating your hair with the other girls to match. If you would rather do it yourself, something like a flexi-8 or a rhinestone pin or clip-in flowers can really add a lot to a simpler style! I'll echo other people - if you're going to be too anxious about your hair to enjoy the event if someone else does it, there's no point in forcing yourself. It's really whatever you would prefer!

[Ligeia Noire]

I was a bridesmaid for my best friend 5 or 6 years ago, I went with her to the hairdresser, so he could practice her wedding day hair and all that jazz but I had never let them fix my hair and she knew from day one I was going to fix it myself. I did two crown braids with intertwined red lace and got compliments all day, everyone thought I had spent a ton of money but I just fixed it that morning. After seeing the bride so disappointed with her own hairdo and hers was shoulder length, it just made me more aware of how stylists never listen to what you tell them. I would say to go with your gut and if your hair is that length and tangles a lot they are just not going to know how to handle it. There are so many styles we do they dont know, I just think it is a waste of time and money.

[lithostoic]

Never seen a stylist do a bridal style that didn't involve backcombing and enough hairspray to singlehandedly destroy what's left of the ozone layer. You are better off wearing a pretty bun. It doesn't have to be fancy!

[Sarahlabyrinth]

I mean, how many stylists have any experience with super-long hair? Very few, I'm betting. And as for how they would put it up... I doubt they would even know how to wash and detangle it, never mind anything else....

[shaluwm_agape]

I agree with doing it yourself.
You can do a side braid and add baby breath or get a pretty flexi & do a nice bun

[embee]

Unfortunately I'd expect the first thing would be *a nice trim* - taking off ... how much? Who knows? Then tons of back-combing and spray.

I'd not do it, but that's just me. It's taken years for me to get to Terminal length and I'm not fooling around with some scissor-happy stylist.

[spidermom]

I'd consult with the stylist to see if he/she has any long hair experience. If not, I'd do it myself. When I had classic length hair, I'd comb it out myself after the stylist washed it because she didn't have a clue about combing extra-long hair.

As mentioned, you can always dress up your plain bun with flowers or other pretty accessories.

[Groovy Granny]

I wouldn't use a stylist...why risk it?! :shrug:

Bling up your favorite bun.....I am sure you will be a beautiful Bridesmaid :cheer:

[pailin]

I wouldn't worry too much about whether you can recreate the same hairstyle as the other bridesmaids yourself either - with your length, it's very unlikely anyone can make it look alike. Doing an updo if everyone else has an updo is really enough similarity. And I agree with everyone else that says an lhc 'simple' bun like a nautilus often seems amazing to other people.
If you really want to seriously consider the stylist, I'd meet them ahead of time, and otherwise, don't worry about it - just do it yourself and maybe add some finishing pins or whatever to decorate.

[hobbitlocks]

The last couple weddings I’ve been to (one as a bridesmaid, although there was no stylist and I was the only one) I’ve just worn my favourite/nicest looking bun with festive hair sticks that coordinate with my dress. I got lots of compliments both times and it was really easy. I think if you accessorize similarly (flowers, bling, ribbon, whatever it is) it’ll look great!

[enting]

My experience is more from the direction of hairdressers who haven't a clue how to work with curly hair. It's *possible* that a hairdresser could work well with your hair. It's just not very likely. I have had a total of two hairdressers in my life who understood how to work with my hair.

This might be a crazy question, but does anyone else on TLHC live close enough to you to meet up, practice on your hair, and do your hair the day of?

Otherwise, a way to dress up a nautilus bun could be to leave a tail out like a comet bun, or you could add bling to the regular ol' bun itself as others mentioned. Unless you see the guests that will be there every day they have no way of knowing that this is your routine hairstyle, they could see it as something entirely novel.

[2gaits]

To shoe off your length I might do a low side pony with heartless curls. Sock or rag curls and dress up the secured part with flowers or something. Really easy to do but stunning with hair your length.

[dellad]

Thank you for your feedback, everyone. I think I will do it myself. The bride will be picking the stylist and I don't want to trouble her with finding someone who will accommodate my preferences. I remember how difficult it was to find a stylist who was even remotely long hair friendly for my own wedding back when my hair was TBL. I will do as many of your suggested and dress up my nautilus with some pretty accessories and maybe braiding it before I bun.

Thank you all for your help. :)

[embee]

Well, I'm happy to read that you have that settled. One more thing off your list. I'm sure your hair will be lovely, and please do get pics of what you end up with. We'd love to see, and you might enjoy having a record of your efforts. :)

As others have said, so few stylists can work with long hair, so few people *have* really long hair, even my everyday one-stick bun brings ooohs and aaaahs when people actually look at it, and no bling whatsoever!

[spitfire511]

Well, I'm happy to read that you have that settled. One more thing off your list. I'm sure your hair will be lovely, and please do get pics of what you end up with. We'd love to see, and you might enjoy having a record of your efforts. :)

As others have said, so few stylists can work with long hair, so few people *have* really long hair, even my everyday one-stick bun brings ooohs and aaaahs when people actually look at it, and no bling whatsoever!

Yes THIS! Pics are absolutely required! :) Can't wait to see how lovely it is!

[dellad]

I'll definitely post a picture after the wedding. :)

[Sarahlabyrinth]

I'll definitely post a picture after the wedding. :)

I will look forward to seeing that! :popcorn:

[Ligeia Noire]

Yes! Me too.

[dellad]

As promised, here are pictures of my hair from the day of the wedding.

https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=31680&d=1526277979
https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=31679&d=1526277966
https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=31678&d=1526277955
https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=31677&d=1526277945

My inspiration was this video:
https://youtu.be/bQXu9enBrK0

I only did one braid with the bottom portion instead of two because my hair is so thin, then wrapped the braid around my head twice. I decorated the nautilus bun with some sparkly u-pins.

[shaluwm_agape]

soooo pretty

[Sarahlabyrinth]

Very elegant:)

[Lady Stardust]

Beautiful!

[Dante]

So lovely!

[Suze]

That is so lovely! I bet you got lots of compliments.

[embee]

That's just beautiful and it was all your own! :)

[MusicalSpoons]

Ohhhhh so beautiful! And I'm sure you were able to enjoy the day much more without any worries about your hair :o

[Kat]

I'm glad you got to do your hair in the safe way you wanted it! It looks nice.

For anyone wondering for future reference: I'd talk with everyone else in the wedding party and see how they will do their hair; you can do something similar or in keeping with the look so you don't stick out (this would make me feel very "other" and "different," especially if I already felt I was leaving myself out by not doing the stylist experience with everyone else, and I could see this happening to me-- everyone else has some elaborate curly tall updo and I put my hair down in a fancy braid, or I do some complex-looking bun of some type and everyone else leaves their hair down, or something).

But if you want to use the stylist, go ahead... but as others have said, I'd talk with them first to see if they have an idea of what they'd do with your hair, and IF they can pull it off-- after all, the same style on long hair as shorter hair does not work the same way (and sometimes isn't even possible)! And I'm sure we all have had that time when we thought we could recreate a style and then try it and find it takes several attempts (and I don't know about all of you but I've had this happen when I've left very little time before the event I'm going to...). You don't want to be two hours before the wedding and the stylist discovers they can't do the style and then it's either have something that doesn't look good, scramble through several tries to get it right, or pick something else at the last minute (which might turn out to be much more simple and not-fancy than anyone had envisioned). Ask if they'd be willing to do a practice run.

[MidnightMoon]

I think I'll be the one that will tell you to take the offer :) Why not? Even if she's not familiar with long hair, she can do a good job. You can talk to her in advance, telling about forbidden products and heat tools that she won't use, and even provide your own products. She can make a nice french braid or something similar to contain your hair, protect it and show off your lenght. May be you won't have this opportunity never again :o Why don't take the chance?

Treat yoself :p

I agree. You can go with your hair washed, combed, and ready, so she doesn't have to do much other than the style itself.
Find a hairstyle that doesn't require backcombing or something damaging, and she should be able to do it... with calf length hair it's hard to do something yourself if you're not familiar with it.

[Milady_DeWinter]

Your final election looked absolutely perfect on you! Well done!

[MidnightMoon]

Your final election looked absolutely perfect on you! Well done!

Lol I'm so silly. I thought this was a recent thread, but it's not. #fail

[Milady_DeWinter]

Lol I'm so silly. I thought this was a recent thread, but it's not. #fail

She just posted the final result yesterday or so, don't feel bad MidnightMoon - happens to me all the time lol. I would have took the offer the bride offered, with my own rules, but she ended with quite a neat hairstyle anyway :)

[MidnightMoon]

She just posted the final result yesterday or so, don't feel bad MidnightMoon - happens to me all the time lol. I would have took the offer the bride offered, with my own rules, but she ended with quite a neat hairstyle anyway :)

Hah, I should check the number of pages better, for some reason I thought this had only two, and I read the first one xP. I saw the hairstyle, looked good!

[dellad]

Thank you, everyone. ;)