Hair efforts unappreciated

[LaurelSpring]

I would like to preface by saying that I am growing my hair and wearing it in various updos for my own satisfaction, but still it would be nice to have someone notice or comment once in awhile.

This week alone I have had a bee butt with a ficcare, an upside down with a fork, and a french twist with a flexi. Every day a new and glorious creation! My hair has become my creative canvas. No one says a word. The only positive comment I got was when I wore it down one day!

Then, yesterday, I was with a coworker who had cut her apl hair into a short bob. She usually had it just down as a bob but yesterday she just had it pulled back in as much of a ponytail on top as she could get hair into. Someone walked by and commented on how nice her hair looked like that? I dont get it.

Does it take another long hair to appreciate a long hair? I still love my updos and I love my hair now. Its just weird to me.

[Carolyn]

Welcome to the world of longhair :p A lot of us have had like experiences. Hair just isn't on a lot of people's radar unless it's drastically different as in the APL to chin length change. They simply cannot discern the difference in our carefully created updo's and the fact that the styles are secured with varying hair tools. It's all the same to them. We are "hair people" so we notice things like that. Another longhaired person will be more likely to notice and perhaps comment. If that person has played around with her hair and experimented with updo's and such, she might notice the differences in your hair and that there are different hair accessories holding them up. I think your coworkers said something the day you wore your hair down because it was different to them that day. All they are seeing is "up" or "down". It's something we just have to get used to.

[Chromis]

Please yourself because you can't force anyone else to be pleased for you!

[LaurelSpring]

I think you are right Carolyn! I wondered if all long hair newbies (been at this for about 6 months now) went through this stage and just keep on keeping on loving my hair anyway.

[gallows_gallery]

Haha I know the feeling - a lot of people are more turned by outlandish colours or a vigorous cut than cool/pretty/masterful updos.

None of the girls in my family have long hair. They cut/dye and style is like your average 20somethings, and never comment on mine, regardless of whether it's up or out.

Post your photos on here and you'll get plenty of appreciation!

[Dolly]

Post your photos on here and you'll get plenty of appreciation!

I agree......let us oooh and aaaah over them!!

[sahiba]

My case is a bit unusual... or at least I think it is. I put in most effort for my hair in my house but have always been overshadowed by my sister in law's hair ,which is a dream come true for most of us. And the sad thing , she is blessed with long and thick hair and needs no effort to maintain it. So all compliments go to her.:wail:

[Anje]

My updos go totally unnoticed unless I've got something bright and sparkly in them. Then people notice the hair toy, but only the hair in passing. (One friend did say I should wear the rhinestones more often because I've got such pretty hair. :) ) Updos make hair invisible to all the world that is not hair-obsessed.

[spidermom]

My DH sees my hair exactly as Carolyn was saying: up or down. That's it. What bugs me is when I've managed to pull off an intricate braid and nobody says one word. I feel like telling people "look at this! It took me an hour!"

[Akiko]

Over the years, I have noticed that I get lots of compliments on my updo when my hairtoy is eye-catching, especially toy with Austrian crystals. People see a shiny object in my hair, and realize how my updo is held or decorated with it. They seem to get interested in my updo that way.

If I arrange my hair in the same manner with non-shiny toys, I don't get compliments as often.

Most people don't know how to do all sorts of braids and updos. So our efforts tend to go unnoticed and unappreciated.

[Masara]

I'll probably get comments or compliments for anything braided, but not for anything else. And at home, not even for the braids. Luckily I know that here, at least, my efforts will be appreciated.

For most people up is up and and a bun is a bun. They don't know and probably aren't interested in how you did it, how long it took and the fact that it's the first time you've managed it.

There's also the fact that if they do notice they may not feel the need to comment on it. I mean I notice that a colleague has changed her nail vabish or whatever, but I'm probabaly not going to say anything unless it's really different or I'm looking for the same colour.

One day I did classic dutch braids, coming back into a bun, twisted around each other and I was really proud if it. And no-one said anything. I even wondered if it looked so ridiculous that they were too embarrassed to say anything. Then a couple of days later, I had my hair in a much simpler braid and a pupil said she liked it. Suddenly, they all had something to say about my hair and the various styles I had done in the last months including loads of comments about the braid/bun from a few days before.

[Aisha25]

That's what this site is here for so that our hairs can be appreciated with people who really care.

[GlennaGirl]

I would like to preface by saying that I am growing my hair and wearing it in various updos for my own satisfaction, but still it would be nice to have someone notice or comment once in awhile.

This week alone I have had a bee butt with a ficcare, an upside down with a fork, and a french twist with a flexi. Every day a new and glorious creation! My hair has become my creative canvas. No one says a word. The only positive comment I got was when I wore it down one day!

Then, yesterday, I was with a coworker who had cut her apl hair into a short bob. She usually had it just down as a bob but yesterday she just had it pulled back in as much of a ponytail on top as she could get hair into. Someone walked by and commented on how nice her hair looked like that? I dont get it.

Does it take another long hair to appreciate a long hair? I still love my updos and I love my hair now. Its just weird to me.

Oh honey. I know. I know, I know, I know. Me too. I never got compliments on my hair, even when it was getting quite long. It could be a general hesitation to give out compliments. Not everybody feels comfortable giving them.

As for your friend and the ponytail, sometimes compliments are meant to be encouraging. The complimenter might have thought your friend's hair looks really bad short so she tried complimenting her on a style that takes somewhat longer hair in order to encourage her to grow it. I mean you honestly never know.

Hugs to you.

[angelthadiva]

Most the time people are so involved in themselves (or are in their own little world) they don’t take the time to notice unless something is really obvious. I think it takes one long hair to appreciate another…To a point. There are some very observant people out in the world who can see a rather complicated ;) style and comment on it. OTOH; when we have our hair up; only we know how far it hangs down. Only occasionally I’ll get a hair comment while it’s up…NOW, if I wear it down, that’s all people talk about. :shrug:

Ps. I’m not here to decorate their world. If I were fishing for compliments, I’d wear it down more, but that’s not my goal.

[Hypnotica]

I NEVER get compliments for my updo's. Only if my hair is down but that is because I usually don't wear it down.

[Samikha]

I NEVER get compliments for my updo's. Only if my hair is down but that is because I usually don't wear it down.

This. I never ever got hair compliments before, but when I started to wear it up all the time a couple trickle in sometimes when it's down. No one appreciates the updos, though, unless you take the time to show them just how complicated some of them are :P (Which I did once when I had spent nearly an hour and about a thousand bobbypins fixing my hair).

People appreciate hair toys, but most assume they are magic and that the actual updo just occurs...or they're too shy.

[galleth]

I think people notice more the drastic changes. Like if you change color.
Or if your hair is very long and you cut it short, they'll comment. If you usually wear it pin straight and you come at work one day as a curly, they'll comment. If you wear it down all the time and suddenly wear it up one day, they'll comment.
But I never had any kind of comment on a peculiar kind of updo. An updo is an updo, be it a ponytail or a complicated bun....

[Gumball]

The same thing happens to me (although I'm a guy so maybe there are other reasons hidden in that mix as well). I never really wear my hair down so I'm always trying to find new ways to put it up. I guess it's because people aren't as into that kind of thing as I am so it goes more unnoticed than, say, if I were to do something fancy and let it be known here. I've fished for compliments in the outside world before, but those aren't as satisfying as the ones that just emerge of their own volition. It is still nice knowing I'm doing something fun and doing it for me. That and this place with all its kind and eager supporters that are just waiting to run out and slather on the honest compliments. :D

[MandaMom2Three]

It could be a general hesitation to give out compliments. Not everybody feels comfortable giving them.

Yeah I'd be one of those :rolleyes:. I used to compliment people all the time, I LOVE complimenting people! But SO often when I compliment someone they just look at me like I have cooties or something :D. I got so tired of being made to feel like I'm crazy for complimenting so I pretty much just stopped :(.

[Carolyn]

Yeah I'd be one of those :rolleyes:. I used to compliment people all the time, I LOVE complimenting people! But SO often when I compliment someone they just look at me like I have cooties or something :D. I got so tired of being made to feel like I'm crazy for complimenting so I pretty much just stopped :(.I think this is because a lot of us were never taught how to handle compliments gracefully. Also as women we seem to tend to be self depreciating. We never learned to smile and sincerely say thank you. Also I think a hair compliment could possibly be seen as stalker-ish or sexual in natural, we tend to get embarrassed and question the intent of the complimenter. I wish it wasn't this way but it seems to be.

[vampodrama]

Yeah I'd be one of those :rolleyes:. I used to compliment people all the time, I LOVE complimenting people! But SO often when I compliment someone they just look at me like I have cooties or something :D. I got so tired of being made to feel like I'm crazy for complimenting so I pretty much just stopped :(.

hah yeah I know what you mean! I almost never to compliments myself (way too self-absorbed to notice other people around me!) but I have a special talent for getting extra paranoid when someone compliments me :eyebrows: it's like "hmm, what do they MEAN by that? do they WANT something from me?"

[Arctic_Mama]

WE will appreciate your lovely hair. Just post some pictures and within the hour your ego should be nice and boosted, this is a FABULOUS group of cheerleaders!

I don't get a lot of hair compliments in real life but they are nice when they DO come. I'm not growing it out for anyone but myself and hubby, though, so as long as he notices it's all good. But when he doesn't....grrr!

[Melisande]

I noticed that, too. My hair gets longer, and the only comment I get is my mothers' "don't you think you are too old to pull this off?" I leave the house with a different bun or updo every time but the only time I had a compliment was when my hairstick fell out in the middle of my lecture and one of the students said: oh, what nice hair! :p

I was so proud when I did my first figure 8 and French twist, but nobody seems to notice.

[Katze]

people do not give compliments here. My efforts at complimenting friends or strangers usually fall flat...one woman with beautiful, waist length, silver-white hair even looked at me like I had insulted her, and rode across the intersection when the light was red just to get away from my compliments!

BF tells me this is because complimenting or commenting is seen as 'too personal' - so maybe people not noticing is just their way of being polite?

I have spent so much effort and time on my hair and I still do, trying to get it to look nice. It is so hard! Some days I am really proud of it, and hope somebody, anybody, notices...but this is wishful thinking. Yesterday my mother-out-law noticed my hard-earned updo, and said how much she prefers me with my hair up. Great, because when I look in the mirror, I vastly prefer it down (when it's looking good).

As so many people have already said, we have to learn to like ourselves and our hair and be happy for ourselves when we have achieved something with it. Not easy, but necessary.

[Forest]

I think a lot of people are not into updos, they think it's not modern or trendy, they just don't appreciate them. I was like that until I hit LHC.

Nowadays I would compliment if a friend or co-worker had a nice updo, but there is rarely someone who wears an updo, the ones with long hair usually go for a pony or something along those lines.

[winter_star]

I never get many compliments on my up-dos. To a lot of people hair is just hair. I think you need to have a special interest in it to really appreciate or notice it properly.

I do agree with Akiko though. The more unusual or shiney a hairtoy is, the more curious people are and seem to takemore notice of it.

[Sarahmoon]

Often people do like it, but just don't say anything. I also often don't say anything when I see someone with a nice updo unless I know the person really well or I have some hair-related conversation.

I once had someone commenting after he saw he every day for several days though. In the way of: "before you leave, I want to ask you how much time you spent on your hair everyday? It's so nice, it looks different all the time"
:D

Believe me, that they don't say anything doesn't have to mean they don't like it or don't notice it.

[Shypii90]

In a way my hair efforts are so under-appreciated too.
Or else everytime I meet friends they mention my hair everyday (some saying it's cool, some saying it's weird, etc). It would be nice if they forget about it for a few months, so that it will grow and I won't debate daily whether it's growing or not!

But lately I've managed to tightly pull my hair back into ponytails once a week at school, and people really like it! They say it brings out my eyes and face. lol.
But when it's 'down' and I oil it, or leave-in condition it, or put treatments, I just get people saying "your hair looks really deflated, like the top is totally flat but the sides stick out like a pyramid!"!!
If I go to school with bed hair people like it because I have quite a lot of root-lift going on. I don't get it! lol

Appreciated as such, no.
But commented on, all the time!!
Or it could be I just have lousy friends, which is probably the case.

Oh and I love another poster's comment which said:
"Please yourself because you can't force anyone else to be pleased for you!"

[angelthadiva]

people do not give compliments here. My efforts at complimenting friends or strangers usually fall flat...one woman with beautiful, waist length, silver-white hair even looked at me like I had insulted her, and rode across the intersection when the light was red just to get away from my compliments!

BF tells me this is because complimenting or commenting is seen as 'too personal' - so maybe people not noticing is just their way of being polite?<snip>

I had to giggle at your post! :lol:

I was taking Sociology last year; and was in class with two gals from the Ukraine. We were talking about cultural differences, and the more outgoing of the two began talking about how Americans will strike up conversations with strangers (like on the train, or in line or walking past each other in the hall)…In the Ukraine THAT would not happen, if it did, they would treat you like you were crazy! I guess it’s considered to be like a major social faux pas. She actually admitted this was one of the things that she has really had to adjust to while being here.

[Flying Betty]

!!!!!!!!!!

[FrannyG]

I think the shorter cuts get compliments because they are so noticeable. That's it, that's all.

Those of us who wear updos, are just seen as people wearing updos. It takes someone with a good eye to notice the difference in styles, I'm afraid.

Grow your hair for yourself, and give yourself the compliments. Then take photos, and we'll shower you with the love! :blossom:

[brixxgirl16]

Personally, I get tons of compliments when I wear mine down as opposed to up. I think it's because even though my hair (maybe an inch past bsl on a tiny frame) makes a large bun/updo, no one realizes just how long it is until it's down. That might be your problem:even super-long hair, when it's up, isn't as striking as a short cut.

But take heart, fellow longhairs: I find that the more often I wear it up, the bigger wow factor when it comes down. People's jaws drop... heehee. :D

p.s. Happy Halloween, LHC! :pumpkin:

[Raven69]

When I was younger, I used to 'experiment' with my hair all the time...met with ridicule from my parents...but when I got to school everyone at school complimented me with the new do's. So due to my parents making me take out my hair before I went to school every morning - I was easily discouraged since it took so long for me to do...you really have to train your arms to remain in an upright awkward position for a long time. I couldn't do it for too long and soon gave up trying anything new. Now I just wear it in a bun at work and take it down to let it dry after work and then when dry i throw it up in a messy bun or braid it (I can only do pig tail braids).

[almudena]

People, in general, don’t normally have sensibility towards updo’s. To be honest, even in my case, I rather appreciate a long beautiful long hair down in all its glory, that an intricate updo. And you have to consider how the updo looks on the face in question too. Many people look definitely better with their hair down.

[Bene]

i just kind of run up to my friends and bellow: LOOK AT MAH BUN!!!!!



:shrug:

[sneakybea]

I've noticed that I get a lot more compliments on updos back in California (where I'm from) than here in Minnesota, which I think is partly a cultural thing, but also because I have a lot more friends back home with long hair. And I also think part of the reason my updos don't get complimented is because you have to be behind me to really see what's going on; most of them look the same from the front. But I've gotten compliments from people sitting behind me in church, and also this past week from my physical therapist---I was lying on my stomach at the time!

[Lady Lilya]

Fancy updos are fun, but they don't exactly make the person look different. If one day I had my hair down, the next day in a half up or the top pulled back in a little poof, the next day a fairly low bun and the next day a bun on top of my head, people would see me differently each time. If I had my hair pulled back to the same medium height updo location all four days, the front of me wouldn't look any different even if I did four totally different things with my hair. Most people don't spend a lot of time checking out the back of people's heads.

For a lot of people, they group hairstyles into "up" or "down". So they'll notice the difference between that but don't particularly bother about the subtleties. LHC gets people to notice these things, so we do tend to fixate on the back of people's heads. I feel that it's kind of like one person noticing the stitching or pattern on someone's shoes while I'm going "yep. those are shoes all right".

Yeah. That.

My husband says that he thinks Americans tend to see sexual things where none really exist, so all compliments are assumed to be some sort of come-on.

[purplebubba]

For a lot of people, they group hairstyles into "up" or "down". So they'll notice the difference between that but don't particularly bother about the subtleties. LHC gets people to notice these things, so we do tend to fixate on the back of people's heads. I feel that it's kind of like one person noticing the stitching or pattern on someone's shoes while I'm going "yep. those are shoes all right".


It's kinda like with cars. Some people will see a car pass by and be able to tell you what year it is, how many of that color, etc. Others will recognize a few types such as a mustang or VW bug while others will just see a car. And some won't even see the cars passing by because they'll be doing something else.

It all depends upon what catches an individuals eye and whether or not they care about it. Plus they may or may not be shy or afraid to say something for a variety of reasons. On LHC we have had many threads about compliments. Some people like to get them, some only like them from certain people, and some don't like them at all.

Bottom line is people may be noticing but they just aren't saying anything for some reason of their own.

[heidihug]

I think the shorter cuts get compliments because they are so noticeable. That's it, that's all.


I agree with Franny. I think that if you don't comment (In most parts of the US, anyway) on a person's obvious haircut (say, more than an inch or two off), the person with the new haircut may feel insulted. I know I have caught myself telling women I work with that their new cut is cute, when in actuality I think it looks bad. I think it's just a reflex thing, we've had it drilled into us since we were little that it's necessary to comment favorably on a change we notice in other people (new clothes, new haircut, etc.). So when I am talking to them and I notice that they've had their hair cut, since they have probably noticed I was looking at their hair, I feel it necessary to blurt out that their new cut is cute. If I don't say anything, I fear that they might feel insulted, because I was eyeing up their hair and didn't say anything about it.

Nevermind that other people look at my updos and braids at work and rarely say a thing, and if they do, it's usually just an "wow, your braid sure is long" and not really a compliment. Or they smirk or make a weird face. It's an office politics thing for me, I have to tread lightly in the world of short-hairs, and play the (however insincere they might be) compliments game.

[Anathema]

Not everyone care about hair. Most people around me are used to my hair, and are not very interested in seeing how the buns are put up or what shampoo I'm using when I'm having a good and shiny hair day.. And then there are a few people who simply don't want to look at my (or my almost as long haired friend) hair just because they envy it too much and get a bit depressed when they're reminded that they don't have the hair they desire..

And yes, people are both bad at giving and taking compliments most of the time! I guess that's another huge factor.

[Tangles]

Before I came to LHC, I didn't even register that the size of the updo correlated to the amount of hair, so I was never impressed by large updos. That may be one reason you're not seeing reactions to your updos.

[QueenMadge]

I get compliments from people who like my hair short when I wear my hair up, also it shows more of my face:). My husband loves my wild curly thick hair and he loves it when it is long. My boss commented that I just didn't look like me when I had been wearing my hair in a up high tight small bun during the craziness of harvest season because I didn't have time to do anything else...his visual "picture" of me is definitely with my curly hair down. I wear my hair how I want to and take each compliment or not as it comes because I love my hair as a part and defining feature of me for me. I am actually looking forward to it getting long enough to do more with it bun wise and because the weight will help prevent triangle head.

Enjoy your hair and definitely share the updos here. I love seeing everyone's beautiful hair toys and skill at dressing their hair.

[intothemist1999]

Over the years, I have noticed that I get lots of compliments on my updo when my hairtoy is eye-catching, especially toy with Austrian crystals. People see a shiny object in my hair, and realize how my updo is held or decorated with it. They seem to get interested in my updo that way.

If I arrange my hair in the same manner with non-shiny toys, I don't get compliments as often.

.


Kinda makes one lose faith in humankind :D It takes shiny bobbles things to get their attention LOL :brickwall

Remember those caption bubble barrettes? Maybe we need more of those, or have them on stick-ends, too! "It took me AN HOUR to do this!:rant:"


ETA: I just realized...if no one notices, it kind of takes the heat off! I won't worry so much about bad 'do days!

[Sighridh]

Even though I've only had waist-length hair once for a couple of years I have always noticed nice updos , but can't remember ever commenting on them.
It may be that I notice them because of the many hours I spent as a kid braiding my pony's mane and tail, or later having to do the same for horse shows. I guess anything that gives you some level of appreciation for the effort and beauty of something like that makes you notice more.

One nice thing for me over the last couple of weeks after I've hendigoed close to my natural color and have started wearing my hair up a lot at work is that people are noticing and I'm getting a lot of compliments both on the color and on how my hair looks pulled up... except for the woman who sits next to me and finds it too startling a change and whom I keep surprising when she sees me out of the corner of her eye and has to keep looking to see who's there.:magic:

[Stevy]

I think Flying Betty's right - most people just register that hair's either down, or pulled back somehow. My husband's been married to me for fourteen years, and he can still barely tell the difference between a braid and a bun. :)

[wizzel]

ok i have to ask how did you do your hair in your pic it looks realy great but the pic is so small I can't get a good look at it! :D