It's NOT just hair. {I got a bad "trim"}

[Eriu]

And I'm mostly mad at myself for not sticking up for me. Sticking up for myself is something I'm just now learning at 30. My mom wanted to get me a haircut for my birthday, but when I told her I didn't want one she insisted, or rather she pouted until I agreed. I asked her to make it later in the month, but she refused saying she needed a haircut sooner than that and the deal was only on for feb. The weeks coming up to today i was so apprehensive. I already gave myself a two inch trim in jan. and that was supposed to be it for this year.

The stylist and I agreed on a half inch trim, one soft barely noticeable layer just a half inch shorter, and a clean up of my face framing layers. She whacked two inches off, and that's before the layer, which for some reason is the bulk of my hair and two inches high. My U shaped hem is now a V, but only because the part of my hair that isn't in the layer sort of fakes the point, the sides aren't even even, and the face framing had big clumsy steps in it like stairs. I evened those out as much as I could. My hair is now exactly as short as it was last february. 4 inches gone this year, 6 if we count the "layer" that will have to be trimmed even. A year's growth gone. My gibraltar bun wont hold right. I was so excited to have it heading to my bum and now i can't stop crying.

And I think I know the real reason, I don't feel in control of so much of my life. My hair was something i could control and it brought me joy. But I couldn't [and never could] stand up to my mom's guilt tripping. I tell myself its just hair but it's not, its as much a part of my body as anything else and someone did something to it i didnt want, and I couldn't protect it. It was something I worked for, all that S+D to preserve length for nothing!
So to everyone telling themselves or hearing from friends "it's just hair, it'll grow back" I say to thee, NO it is not just hair! it is my sense of control, my sense of self, it's the result of effort and time and its part of me even if it doesn't have nerve endings. it might grow back, but that wont give me back the time i put into it, or change the fact that i was completely disrespected by someone who ignored my wishes, smiled at me the whole time and then charged. I'm tired of hearing the same two things. I want to hear "HOW DARE SHE!" because how dare she!

I guess i started this post looking for commiseration, and i feel better having written it, but I guess I really want to say to anyone who's been told they are petty for caring so much about a bad haircut is "no, it's not just hair!" you have every right and reason to feel the way you do, you've suffered a loss of sorts and anyone who suggests otherwise can kiss the part of you your hair no longer reaches!

EDIT: just noticed I don't have a split end left on my whole head, pretty sure she thought she was doing me a favour, eye roll.

Edit: thanks so much for your support everyone. This really is a wonderful community! Turns out I can pull off a high girbrater if I shove the ends in really well, I think that's how it will stay for now while I micro trim babushka style.

[RadioactiveLily]

I am so, so sorry this happened to you. Sometimes I really wonder whether stylists just do what they want or if some of them have a really poor judgement of measurements. It sounds like you have a difficult relationship with your mother too, that's rough.... My thoughts go with you.

"...can kiss the part of you your hair no longer reaches!" If that's not an LHC burn, idk what is.

[Eriu]

Gosh I feel so much better just posting. thx for being here LHC!

[Eriu]

Thanks Lily!

[hayheadsbird]

Huge hugs. That's a really horrible situation to be in. Guilt trip from those you love can be such an effective way to make you do something you don't want to.

I guess the best thing to do now, when you've had some time to process, is figuring out what good can come of it.

Will it give you the strength next time this might happen to speak up and refuse? Or find another compromise that won't leave you devastated by something that you didn't want to do.

I'd totally agree it's not just hair. It's your sense of self-expression and personality. It's part of your body!
Yes, it will grow back, but you have to give up the time and energy for that to happen, and deal with it in the meantime.

[Eriu]

Huge hugs. That's a really horrible situation to be in. Guilt trip from those you love can be such an effective way to make you do something you don't want to.

I guess the best thing to do now, when you've had some time to process, is figuring out what good can come of it.

Will it give you the strength next time this might happen to speak up and refuse? Or find another compromise that won't leave you devastated by something that you didn't want to do.

I'd totally agree it's not just hair. It's your sense of self-expression and personality. It's part of your body!
Yes, it will grow back, but you have to give up the time and energy for that to happen, and deal with it in the meantime.

Thanks hayheadbird! I do think something good will come of this, I think I'm learning more and more how to stick up for myself, and this is just one more piece of motivation. the more i think about how i'd like to change personally the less important the haircut seems. thank you for your support!

[ReptilianFeline]

You are absolutely right! It isn't -just- hair. It is all the time we spend on it caring for it, making it as pretty or cool as we want it. It is ours to control. What we says goes!

[AutobotsAttack]

Awww I’m sorry for all of that.

I too have had to sharpen up, and learn to stick up for myself. I’m very kind and patient, however I no longer have a problem either saying no, or even getting downright blunt and slime what unsympathetic (rarely do I do that).

But I’d say this would be a good learning experience, right?

It’s definitely more than just hair, and that’s perfectly fine. Long hair, shiny hair, well kept hair all speak volumes for someone’s personality.

:grouphug:

Hope you feel better soon

[Eriu]

Hope you feel better soon[/QUOTE]

Thanks autobots, I am learning, slowly! something good will come out of this yet. i think ill let my hair be a reminder to be firmer with others, its always with me so it should be a good emblem!
also thanks reptilian feline!

[DoomKitty]

Omg how awful! You're right, it's not 'just hair' and you have every right to be upset. If you feel you can't go back and make a complaint (I'm 39 and only in the last couple of years have I started standing up for myself) maybe you could leave a review stating exactly what happened. I know it doesn't fix your hair but if it stops someone else from going through what you are at least something good might come from it.

[Groovy Granny]

I feel for you...was in your shoes many years ago....for many years (((hugs)))
Gaining awareness is the first step; the next time you will be stronger :thumbsup:
Be prepared for adverse reactions, but hold your ground :lala: she will get over it....and you will be even more strong...and happier with yourself.
Sorry about your loss....here's hoping it grows back soon....and you continue to have a positive attitude re: lessons learned until then!

[JessaOlsen]

I feel the same way and have always discussed this with friends who say the same, it is yours and yours alone nobody should have any say over that.

[Eriu]

Thanks for all the wonderful support everyone! it's good motivation to continue speaking up for myself. I feel much better focusing on the actual issue and knowing if i do that it's not likely to happen again. Silver lining is high ponytails are comfortable again, so I'm just trying to enjoy that aspect of it for now. It's been so nice to hear from people who understand. Thank you all so much!
:toast:

[Guitargod]

I'm sorry to hear that you had such a bad experience with the hairdresser.
It's hard to understand that someone who makes their living doing hair doesn't realize what it means to a person and doesn't care enough to respect their wishes.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

Awww, I'm sorry this happened! For most of my like I kept my hair short because every time I tried to grow it long my mother told me to cut it because it didn't suit me. I really wanted long hair, but tried to please her by keeping it the way she liked it. I was miserable with it short, and she found other things to pick on about me. Finally when I was 46 I had had enough of it and decided that I was going to grow my hair for me and no one else and if anyone didn't like it, well, that was TOO BAD! And so now I finally have the long hair I always wanted. (And also learned to avoid hairdressers, who delight in chopping hair off).

Wishing you quick new growth, and hoping that you will learn to do your own trims - it's so easy and you never get too much cut off that way. :) :grouphug:

[YvetteVarie]

Hugs to you. I know how it feels to have everyone wanting you to do something with your hair that you don't want to do, and be guilted into doing it. Stay strong, you will recover from this setback.

[Kake]

That's terrible, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I've had at least one experience when I felt taken advantage of by a hairdresser, the way that you wrote about that was so expressive. You're right, how dare they?

[Milady_DeWinter]

I feel your pain :( Of course it's not "just hair", it never is. I send you big hugs!!! And well, at least they didn't applied dyes to your hair! You'll have your hair restored, more or less, in 1 year. Now it looks like an entire life, but it's just 1 year. You'll get there :love:

[Wendyp]

That’s why I gave up hairdressers I had the same problem. I found one girl with long hair who dusted at an aveda salon but now I’m microtrimming myself.

[embee]

What a shame! I know guilt trips, my mom was a master at that.

If there is a next time, maybe just a hair wash? No scissors? Best of course would be just do Lunch and no salon at all.

Oh well. It will grow. But to lose a whole year..... that's sad.

[lapushka]

I've had my share of bad trims, but I have yet to have that sort of behavior from a loved one. That is just awful. Have you made your mom aware of how you feel *now*, because she needs to know that the last thing she can do you a favor with is a haircut.

Always be wary of haircuts that are just offered to you, especially when there's a time-crunch!

And then the stylist also didn't do what she was supposed to. You are actually kind of "lucky" in a sense that she didn't cut more off.

What is your current length now? :)

[OhSuzi]

I get it! A bad 'trim' was one of the first reasons I finally joined here .
Id just made a conscious decision to grow - had put up with a mullet for 6 months and went to get it all neatened in to a bob with an undercut & I ended up with a pixie with all back and one side shaved.
It was kind of a nice hair cut, but not remotely what Id asked for it was like back to square one - so frustratiing to not be listened to, to have someone else make decisions about my body that they never have to worry about but i'll see everyday, and to have undone all the time spent growing and putting up with a mullet - it bugged me for a bout 3 months - but after ranting on here and starting to see the progress in my hair length again - I finally got over it.

I did not assert myself enough with the hairdresser - so that was a lesson learned.

Also never had her again and waited a year before going back to my previous good hairdresser who always listens to what I ask for - plus for insurance I made sure I asked for slightly less trimming than what I actually wanted and prepared myself mentally for the fact that they might chop off slightly more e.g. tell em hair needs to brush my shoulders but imagine in my head that it's gonna be about 3/4 way down my neck.

take a vid of yourself crying about your hair and if your mum ever pressures you into haircuts again say - No, because - this! and guilt trip her back with how upset you were.

A Birthday present is supposed to be for the recipient - not the giver!

Depends on what the motives were for pushing a hair cut on you in the first place, but next time be prepared to say I don't really want my hair cut, you dont have to worry about getting me a present. Or ... if you're stuck for ideas - what I'd actually really like is ....afternoon tea, it's cheaper and we could go together... or lets get our nails done instead I've always fancied that.
Or if you're feeling machiavellian repay her by getting her an unwanted upsetting gift and see how she likes it - mum I've arranged bunjee jumping for you - happy birthday!

[Agnieszka]

So sorry it has happened to you. I totally understand that you have given in and agreed for a haircut even if you didn't want it. I was in a similar situation when my husband for about five plus years kept persuading me into having short bleached bob haircut which I hated. I kept saying I don't want to cut my hair but he wouldn't stop advising me how pretty I look with bob. He even didn't talk to me and was giving me hard shoulder just to bully me into it. He tried to book me in the expensive place, paying for it so I would finally given in and cut my hair. The moment my hair reached shoulders the moaning and comments would start. It took me long time to learn how to say "no" it's MY hair!Now I'm finally at APL all natural brown and growing.

[Eriu]

Thanks lapushka, I've tried in the past to discuss these things, but the result is unfavourable to say the least. But I'm certainly going to have to find ways to say no and make a hasty exit. I'm currently 34 inches, but i'm thinking i may have to lose this underlayer, it's so thin my hemline just looks uneven. The vast majority of it is around 32 inches. The pieces under my chin are just long enough to pull into a low pony. I think if i keep the bottom i'll be back to gibraltar bun length before to long, I might wait and ich or so before i start tidying that up.
I usually micro trim with the babushka method.

[Eriu]

I'm glad you're growing for you now! I guess i'm not alone in struggling to stick up for myself.

[NightSister]

Many hugs Eriu! I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's always hard to say no the the ones we love. But I'm sure after this experience, you will be able to :)

[lapushka]

Thanks lapushka, I've tried in the past to discuss these things, but the result is unfavourable to say the least. But I'm certainly going to have to find ways to say no and make a hasty exit. I'm currently 34 inches, but i'm thinking i may have to lose this underlayer, it's so thin my hemline just looks uneven. The vast majority of it is around 32 inches. The pieces under my chin are just long enough to pull into a low pony. I think if i keep the bottom i'll be back to gibraltar bun length before to long, I might wait and ich or so before i start tidying that up.
I usually micro trim with the babushka method.

I'm so sorry it happened; and I'm sorry your mom doesn't "get" it... gosh that is so tough; a loved one should understand, IMMHO!

If I were you I'd microtrim a little each time. The last thing you need now it to cut MUCH more off! Go slow, and see how you can put it up. Less length is less favorable towards putting it up. Think about that! :)

[Suze]

Sending you a big virtual hug!!!

[Alissalocks]

Dude, I so feel you. When I was about 31, I had hair the longest it had been in my life... almost hip. But I knew nothing about hair and the bottom was awful and needed a good 2-4" trim. I went to this highly recommended hair dresser who had this uber reputation for being "the best."

I told him I needed a "few inches off the bottom." He spun me from the mirror, and snipped... :scissors: and I looked down and saw a 12" Hank on the floor. He took me to BSL. AND I ~%#* TIPPED HIM ... And smiled although I was dying inside.

I tipped him!! I was so mad at myself for so long, why did I do that? Bc I was intimidated by his reputation and felt unable to stand up for myself. I cried and cried. I so feel you :flower:

We're here for you while it grows... :grouphug:

[Eriu]

12 inches!!!:agape::agape: that puts things in perspective! I feel you on the tip thing too! I've tipped when i was terribly displeased. Seems learning to stand up for oneself is a pretty universal struggle. Hopefully this generation will get a hang of it and teach the next. {fighting my natural pessimism there!}

[Eriu]

I'm so sorry it happened; and I'm sorry your mom doesn't "get" it... gosh that is so tough; a loved one should understand, IMMHO!

If I were you I'd microtrim a little each time. The last thing you need now it to cut MUCH more off! Go slow, and see how you can put it up. Less length is less favorable towards putting it up. Think about that! :)

You're right, I think that's exactly what I'll do, Keep it bunned most of the time when I can and micro trim.

[nycelle]

I'm sorry this happened to you, and I agree, it's not "just hair." If it's an important part of you, then others have to respect that, including your mom, who sounds very similar to mine. I've learned to just roll my eyes these days when she speaks and tune her out. But I don't live with her (don't know if you do?) so it's rather easy :)

Last time I had a bad haircut I was in my teens. I showed her a picture, she said no problem, and next thing I know most of hair was on the floor. Before the cut, the length was at least mid-back, after, it just barely touched my shoulders.
That haircut ruined my self esteem for a good half a year. Terrible for a teenage girl. So yes, I understand only too well.

As I got older, I became very adamant on how much to take off. I mean annoyingly so. Every step of the way I remind them how much to cut, and tell them over and over to err on the side of caution. I haven't had any incidents since
becoming a b* about my cuts.

[Arciela]

So sorry this happened!! How awful :( I as well am learning to stick up for myself, and its still a challenge. One step at a time! I hope your hair grows back fast.

When it comes to my hair...after all these incidents growing up, now I put my foot down and absolutely refuse to let anyone tell me anything about it. In the end..they will get over it and move on with their life. If not, that's their problem! >_<

[ravenheather]

I'm sorry for your lost inches. It's not just hair. It's easy to never have the stylist issue. Just trim your own hair. The bigger issue is to figure out how to be autonomous with your mother. You are your own person and deserve to decide what is right for you. Maybe you can think ahead of time what you will say.

[*Wednesday*]

When you go to the salon to receive a haircut, it can be for your hair, ‘Walking the Green Mile.’ Treat you to a wash n’ set, wonderful. A unwanted haircut, I believe is very intrusive to a person as it deals with one’s personal appearance and grooming which only is a personal choice. When you do not want to do something, and it affects your person, you say, “No.” Do this a few times and it becomes easier to do. You are not a bad person because of this. It is perfectly okay to tell your mom this. It is not dishonor.

No, it’s not just hair. Hair has a life of its own. So to speak. ☺

[chomsky]

I'd say tell your mum how this all made you feel. You shouldn't ever feel pressured to alter your appearance, even if it's from someone as close as your mother. It's your body after all and you're the one that has to live with the hair on your head!

I hope in someway you come to like your new hairstyle, to make growing it out less upsetting/frustrating, if you know what I mean. We'll all be here to support you as it grows back! :o

[Dendra]

Sorry this happened to you, Eriu. I'm the same age as you and am also learning every day how to stand up for myself.

I had a similar experience with a hairdresser three years ago, I went in for a quick fringe trim before going home to hendigo my hair. The hairdresser was obviously in a bad mood, and after he cut my fringe he started aggressively straightening my hair over and over again to the point where smoke was coming off it. I know I should have said I don't use heat on my hair and that there was no point in him doing it as I was going straight home to dye my hair anyway, but I just couldn't and sat there shrinking in horror instead shudder:

[enting]

The guilt tripping is terrible, as is the bait n switch haircutting. I'm so sorry you had to deal with both. I agree that putting it up might help for now. I'd also suggest wearing it up especially around your mother. If she can't appreciate it long, perhaps she doesn't deserve to see it down in all its glory. It also keeps her from knowing exactly how long it is and whether or not it "needs" a haircut. You can also be vague when questioned as to its length: "oh, it's partway down my back" and nothing more.
It's awful to have to learn how to stand up for yourself the hard way. Here's hoping you can grow in that regard without many more lessons the hard way. :flower:

[Eriu]

thanks everyone, to clarify my mother doesn't care how long my hair is she just insisted b/c she got it in her head it would be a nice mother daughter thing to do, and she just wouldn't listen when I said I didn't want it [b/c she had already decided I did.] She really never has anything negative to say about my appearance, I can be grateful for that much.

As to telling her how I feel, good advice for sure, but it would be wasted effort, I've tried. The real issue is she doesn't listen or respect my feelings, so from experience I can tell you she would have a big emotional reaction, for better or likely worse, but she'd just forget the next day and deny having the conversation when I brought it up. [a video of me crying would only illicit disdain I assure you.]
ours is a take it or leave it but there's no repairing it kind of relationship. I just have to change my self and maybe get some distance from her a bit.

Thank you all so much for the support and kind words, I can't believe how many hairdressers have so little respect for the wishes of their customers!! especially with long hair, when most of my strands have been on my head for 6 years, there's bound to be a split end or two. I really think they're thinking you'll thank them, like they really know best. I did leave a bad review. I felt bad but hey, it could have been avoided by listening to me. I can't believe anyone is that bad at judging distance, I mean you should come out of hairdressing school having an idea of what an inch is, tons of combs come with markings.

Looking at it now i think maybe she just started at the side and took off the U shape, then left a rat tail layer? she had to know it looked bad. I wish I knew what was going on in their heads. This has happened to far to many of us. {the only worse hair cut i had was when I asked a friend to even out my "bob up front- pixie in the back" in junior high. Yah, she started at the shortest layer. when she got to my ears she didn't know what to do so she just cut a jog around the one side before i freaked and told her to use the comb. We left the front long and I wore a hat for a solid three months. Slept in it. I looked like morrisey mated with a romulan. soo that was a fun summer:cool:]

[MoonRabbit]

This is terrible and I feel horrible you had to experience this.

I was never one to frequent hair salons, even when my hair was at its worst, I would just let it go until I felt like changing it, accepting dead/splits and all. When I did decide on a professional chop I just took a photo and told them to do the best they could. Fast forward to know, I couldn't even imagine doing such a thing after spending years growing and making my hair healthy. If I ever decided to go back to a salon now, I would have a long conversation with the stylist and bring my own tape measure, hold it at exactly the length I want and have them cut, and if they went over I certainly would not pay. May sound eccentric but I don't care, like you said it just not just hair, we invest time, money, joy into it for years.

[Eriu]

not eccentric at all! I was thinking that's exactly what I'd do next time, but then realized I'm never letting anyone else cut it unless I'm ready for a big change!

[circlers]

I sympathize so much, I know how it feels like when you don't want your hair cut and someone cuts it to their own taste. I really hope you'll be able to stand your ground next time and restist your mom's guilt tripping. Have you tried having a conversation with her about this?

[spidermom]

I get it. It's hard to understand why some stylists seem to think they can completely ignore our wishes yet get repeat customers.

However, it will grow back and maybe be even better than before.

[CrowningGlory]

It's not just hair and we shouldn't be made to feel less because we miss our hair. It doesn't make us dependent or lacking in resilience or unwilling to change or hiding behind it if we mourn when it's cut.

It sounds as if you've been wronged twice. First by being guilted into it and second by a stylist who agreed on a cut and then did the opposite. Grrrr.

It can be really hard to stand up for yourself but perhaps if it happens again suggest that you'd prefer to have a deep conditioning treatment or to purchase some of the salon shampoos or conditioners rather than have a cut. If the person still insists then gently say that it is your hair and your decision and that you are the only one who has to be happy with it. Hard I know, but maybe preparing a game plan ahead of time will make it easier to say no.

My mother used to be at me to cut my hair but she eventually gave up. She never pressured me though once I was an adult. (As a teenager she did and I remember sitting in the salon crying. Thankfully the stylist took my side and we only went half as short as my mother wanted.)

[lapushka]

thanks everyone, to clarify my mother doesn't care how long my hair is she just insisted b/c she got it in her head it would be a nice mother daughter thing to do, and she just wouldn't listen when I said I didn't want it b/c she had already decided I did. She really never has anything negative to say about my appearance, I can be grateful for that much. As to telling her how I feel, good advice for sure, but it would be wasted effort, I've tried. The real issue is she doesn't listen or respect my feelings, so from experience I can tell you she would have a big emotional reaction, for better or likely worse, but she'd just forget the next day and deny having the conversation when I brought it up. [a video of me crying would only illicit disdain I assure you.] ours is a take it or leave it but there's no repairing it kind of relationship. I just have to change and maybe get some distance from her a bit. Thank you all so much for the support and kind words, I can't believe how many hairdressers have so little respect for the wishes of their customers!! especially with long hair, when most of my strands have been on my head for 6 years, there's bound to be a split end or two. I really think they're thinking you'll thank them, like they really know best. I did leave a bad review. I felt bad but hey, it could have been avoided by listening to me. I can't believe anyone is that bad at judging distance, I mean you should come out of hairdressing school having an idea of what an inch is, tons of combs come with markings. Looking at it now i think maybe she just started at the side and took off the U shape, then left a rat tail layer? she had to know it looked bad. I wish I knew what was going on in their heads. This has happened to far to many of us. {the only worse hair cut i had was when I asked a friend to even out my "bob up front- pixie in the back" in junior high. Yah, she started at the shortest layer. when she got to my ears she didn't know what to do so she just cut a jog around the one side before i freaked and told her to use the comb. We left the front long and I wore a hat for a solid three months. Slept in it. I looked like morrisey mated with a romulan. soo that was a fun summer:cool:]

This may be beside the point, but your text is really so hard for me to read and follow. Could you make clear paragraphs next time, please? :) :flower:

[Eriu]

Ok, just figured out how! lhc has no respect for my tab key, and un-did all the extra spaces for indentation no matter how big. superfluous use of the enter key was my only recourse, but I think it works just as well. thx lapushka.

edit: oh looks like that's what everyone does...silly me!

[Wavybrunetteuk]

That's terrible! It especially got me when you mentioned she lobbed off a whole year's worth of growth! If that happened to me I'd be livid, and I'm not just saying that!

[Eriu]

Okay phew! Some of the problem has been identified! When I first took the braids down I gave it a spray and brush to see what was really going on. I just straightened it fully now, too short, but cut properly for a 1a. The randomly cut, thin bottom layer is just what drys straight among my waves, which are shrinking to join my straight canopy. So it'll just take some preparation to wear it down.

When you bring your tape measure and tell them what you want, be sure to ask for a dry cut!

[CrowningGlory]

Okay phew! Some of the problem has been identified! When I first took the braids down I gave it a spray and brush to see what was really going on. I just straightened it fully now, too short, but cut properly for a 1a. The randomly cut, thin bottom layer is just what drys straight among my waves, which are shrinking to join my straight canopy. So it'll just take some preparation to wear it down.

When you bring your tape measure and tell them what you want, be sure to ask for a dry cut!

This is why I don't get layers at a salon. The top layer curls right up so that it's a several inches shorter than the bottom which for some reason, ditches the waves, and goes straight. It never looks good. However, I can get a few layers around the front myself without any problem. In my experience, stylists cut wavy hair as if it's straight ... and it's not.

[lapushka]

This is why I don't get layers at a salon. The top layer curls right up so that it's a several inches shorter than the bottom which for some reason, ditches the waves, and goes straight. It never looks good. However, I can get a few layers around the front myself without any problem. In my experience, stylists cut wavy hair as if it's straight ... and it's not.

Yes but it's hard to cut wavy hair wavy! Why? Because it tends to "fall" differently *every single time you wash or brush*. This goes more for 1b/c as it does for 2b/c. Curly hair has more consistency in that respect and can be cut dry quite easily. Wavy hair? Not so much.

[krispie]

I am so sorry about what happened :( It's horrible that hair stylists think they know what's best for you, when in reality they couldn't care less... at least most of them I feel like. I'm praying for a fast growth back for you, and good luck :)