I need help... horrible hair.. that everyone wants to cut off

[Dragoness]

I'm sorry but I need to ask this... I've searched long in the internet and even here and found little to no mention of this technique..

Truth is, I have always had very bad hairline and balding temples, full of little hair that never grows. I thought they were getting much worse and it brought me great panic until I accidentally found my teenege years pics where it was just as bad and glaring obvious. I just had stoped covering my temples with dark eyeshadow as I used to do since uni because someone mentioned that it was actually worsening my baldness by covering the pores, etc.. and right now I feel horrible.. my hair was never beautiful (only during childhood), but this bald appearance is driving me mad and cutting it would not help.

Can I go back and use it as coverage or is it better to accept my horribly, crooked half hairline? I'll post pics when I can, but it really is bad... let me explain that my case is much worse, its not only the hairline but, long-short story..

Well, I have PCOS and my hair turned bad the moment I had my first period. At first it was straight and silken (I have pics with huge square bangs so it had to be somewhat thick back then, and now its unrecognizable.. I'm 28 now), and as soon as I had it my hair turned in the broken mess it is today: a nightmare of splits, fly aways and weird fine hair that tangles one second after brushing, basically a 'cloud-like' hair. Its almost straight but never falls down normally and I can't even wear it down because of the horrible way it behaves and the little 'horns' I get on my temples needs to be licked down every minute.. I basically wear a braid or ponytail everyday unless its an special event.

Even so I keep going and making it grow longer because I have hope someday I'll be able to fix it.. just to note, its completely virgin and natural and the only thing I ever did to destroy it was using heat (just one time in the recent years and I noticed a huge breakage)... this shows how truly fragile my hair is, I think... even so I managed to grow it well past my waist and with lots of oil it can look 'manageable', even if I have to brush it every half hour or so or it starts looking absolutely scraggly.

Facts: Hair type is very fine and flowy, extremely thin strands... almost invisible when compared to my mom's ... Texture, its kinda wavy, almost straight at times and reasonably thin at the ponytail (I've seen much worse)... hair color is natural medium dark and I have Portuguese/Italian ancestry, just for the genetic part. Hair length is very down the beginning of my tights but is absolutely see-through at the ends, even so I don't cut it cause its bad all the way and not just the ends. I reached terminal long ago it seem as I haven't messed with it for a decade. Whenever I try to clean the endings it seems to make splits worse.

The treatments I do are as follow: I take biotin and supplements, I sleep on silk/satin, I braid it to sleep... I brush carefully.. I wash it very little (its kinda dry down the ends) with regular shampoo and conditioner, I do hydrate it with creams once a week or every two weeks, I use tons of coconut oil to keep it down and sometimes I sleep on it (the only thing that ever helps a bit)... I use heat once a year? not even that and I will never use it again after the breakage and lost length I had last time.

I can't even explain the nightmare it is whenever I wash my hair. It actually makes everything worse as the flyaways makes me mad and the top of my head has a 'dandelion' 'fluffy' effect until I soak it back in oil... on top of that I lose half of my hair whenever I wash it and it tangles immensely. I had people tell me I should just cut it and wear a wig... very sad situation.

I love long hair, I have it but can never enjoy it...

My questions are:

Is covering your scalp with eyeshadow bad? Can I go back to it?

Is there any hope or something that could help? Cutting it off is absolutely not a possibility, so I need help... I don't have money to any sort of wig or extensions or even access to those things.

[hayheadsbird]

I really don't know much, so can't really offer any constructive advice past going to the doctor. PCOS could possibly be effecting it, so my guess is managing that and your hormones might help. It wouldn't be a quick fix but could help with your confidence going forward and growing out.

[Beeboo123]

I suspect that the “fluffiness” might be caused by your hair being wavier than you think it is, and also because it is so fine. I also grew wavy hair after I reached puberty, it used to be much straighter and silky when I was younger. Why don’t you try out the CG method, and visit the wavy and wurly thread for tips? You might discover that your hair has a lot more texture to it.

I don’t think covering your scalp with eyeshadow is bad, as long as you wash it out properly. I wouldn’t do it if I washed my hair weekly, but I really don’t think the scalp could be hurt if I washed daily.

Also, we often tend to be our own worst critics. Your hair probably isn’t as bad as you think! Maybe post some photos, we would be better able to offer advice if we could see what your hair looks like

[OhSuzi]

I don't have any of the answers for your struggles I'm afraid :(
Having long hair to waist and beyond is an achievement though - especially as you seem to have had to work twice as hard to get there.

Could a long heavy swoopy fringe again (you said you had a fringe before) / only face framing layers be a posibilty for the hide the temples issues? There's lots of different fringe styles to consider.
Also getting the fringe chopped in could be small a tester for you - to see if your hair still reacts badly to being chopped (results in more splits) & still grows back in the same condition as the rest of it? Or perhaps the last chop just wasn't a great one / the scissors might have been blunt??? & a fresh big chop to fringe might make a difference? But it's not as massive a comitment as chopping off all your hair!

The weight of hair extensions would pull at your natural hairs and prob cause more breakage anyway & can sometimes permenantly damage the hair follicles if they are constantly be pulled out by hair extensions. So I defo would not go down that route

Other than that I hope your overall hair condition is not as bad as you feel it is, we can be our own harshest critics and can think our hair looks messy or fly away etc. but others who don't have to experience the struggle you have to maintain it, just notice how lovely the colour / length is.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

Yes, your hair may not be as bad as you think it is, it would help if you could post a photo of it so we can see what it is like. As for the bald looking hairline, I have that, have always had it and likely always will, i think that in my case at least it's just the genetics at work. I would like a different hairline, but, well, that's life :p Here's mine:

https://i.imgur.com/zwMV8zh.jpg

I 'm sure we will be able to help you with your hair. Sometimes it can just take an attitude adjustment on our part, with a few tweaks to haircare routines to be much happier with the hair we have. Oh - and by the way, it's quite normal to have short hairs around the hairline which won't grow, so I wouldn't worry about that :)

[lapushka]

For the PCOS (you have a formal diagnosis so I'm guessing you're seeing a doctor) you really need to keep seeing the doc, and hope that the symptoms can be alleviated in some way. If you are well internally, it will show externally.

I wouldn't cover the scalp with eyeshadow. If it's always been like that, it would be better IMMHO to accept it, and to see if it can improve by taking care of your health properly.

Good luck!

[Beckstar]

Are you currently being treated for PCOS? Hormones can really play a crucial part of body and hair health. Taking care of the inside has to come first to grow healthy, strong hair.

[ReptilianFeline]

You say you wash with regular shampoo and conditioner? Maybe try something more herbal. It will take a long time to balance it (I'm note completlty balanced yet myself after almost nine month) and the mess with little bits of herbs and no lather can be hard to handle, especially with fine long hair. The reason I mention it, is that my shedding, even after a few washes, was down to half of what it used to be. The change was so radical that I decided to work through all those things that was driving me crazy, instead of giving up. My scalp has changed as well and I now have to learn a few new things about my hair and scalp and that is confusing to say the least.

If you don't want a scalp scrub from the herbs, then just make different cleansing teas. Even try a can of beer. I know people say it should be flat, but I did a beer rinse straight out of the can and loved the tingly feeling from the fizz.

As for your hairline... you could try and stain your skin with some eyebrow dye maybe? Or just leave it be until the rest of the hair feels better?

[YvetteVarie]

I have no solutions but just came in to offer you a virtual hug. Listen to the other members above. I think their advice is excellent

[Chromis]

Your hairline sounds totally normal, but I can get wanting to fill it in. They actually make stuff for this purpose that will likely work a little better than your eyeshadow:

http://www.innisfreeworld.com/product/productView.do?prdSeq=10919
http://www.innisfreeworld.com/product/productView.do?prdSeq=10918

There is a review linked here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AsianBeauty/comments/5mxyaj/review_innisfree_real_hair_make_up_jelly_concealer/

[MusicalSpoons]

It sounds like you are really trying to take good care of your hair and your routine looks like it should be fine - there's nothing that is 'bad' for hair. However, it might be that there are things you could tweak to make it best for your hair; I have no experience with herbal things myself but have read many people saying on here that they've had amazing results with have once they've found the right routine for their hair. It's worth having a read of the herbal recipes forum, and perhaps considering whether it's something you might like to try, whether to you if would be worth investing the time to give it a go.

It's fairly common to have changes in scalp and hair due to hormones anyway, but with PCOS clearly your hormones aren't as they should be without treatment - I don't know what your situation is right now, but if you feel at all like your PCOS isn't being properly (or adequately) treated that would most likely have an effect too. Is there a possibility you may have any nutritional (vitamin/mineral/etc.) deficiencies? That often affects hair too. I know you said you take supplements, but it's worth thinking about/checking.

As for your hairline, there was a thread here fairly recently about volume on top and thin hair at the temples. Quote a few posted to say they also had sparse temples, so I wonder if we maybe don't realise how common it is because people in general tend to wear their hair down and/or have a fringe which might cover it (or maybe we just don't notice it on others anyway!)

I'm sorry you feel so frustrated with your hair, and comments from other people really don't help! But I am glad that as you don't want to cut it, you're not giving in to their pressure (there is nothing wrong in anybody cutting their hair if they want to, but cutting because someone else wants you to will only lead to unhappiness). So well done for sticking to what you want it's your hair - and I hope you find some help here :flower:

[Dragoness]

Thank you all so much for the replies... I'm sorry for the delay to get back, I had some problems home.

Yeah, I think you have wonderful advice and even calmed me a little.. I mean, I've been thinking of asking here for a few years but never got around writing anything, for some reason the last washes had been terrible for my hair (huge shedding and tangling) so I got a bit desperate with seeing my scalp ever since I stoped covering it and obsessing over hair loss... I finally give in and posted here. I do not regret it :3 really friendly people over here with similar interests, I think I'm happy to have found it.

hayheadsbird: Yes, my PCOS is pretty bad, to be honest it has gotten much worse since I entered a masters program (finished now) but the stress and hardships made me gain a lot of weight and now I'm struggling to lose it. By the end of it I had high cholesterol and very bad hormonal stuff going on there... hopefully it will be much better next time I visit my doctor as I'm doing more of a relaxed diet and walks instead of forcing it too much, as I need to improve my situation long-term... its been working slowly but steadily, I already feel better. I have some hope at least that fixing it might help my hair somehow?

Beeboo123: I think you might be spot on in this advice. I tend to try to control my hair a lot and straight had been a local trend ever since I was a teenager in my region (everyone had their bleached, ultra straight hair back then) that I never learned to tend to my hair as it was so out of the norm and I didn't want to go to hairdressers as they always wanted to chop off half of it. I'm being real here. It also helped that at home everyone dislikes my long hair obsession so the answer is always: cut it if its bad. My mom has dense, soft curly black hair which looks amazing despite the fact she barely tends to it.. (she's got a lot of natural beauty and confidence,m unlike me) and dad's side of the family have fine, straight hair... and this might explain my own texture as not being truly straight. It might appear straight when I comb it, but as soon as a little wind swept it I see a weak S pattern forming, perhaps the length makes it fall down for the most part, while the short strands that never grow much are definitely unruly.

OhSuzi: Thanks a lot for the reply.. I rarely if ever get compliments. In my region there's a huge prejudice for hair such as mine, so it might be the case... I like to think of my hair as 'medieval, natural, ancient-style, etc..' and people see it as something related to a local sect of cult that isn't very popular (they can never cut their hair), which is highly ironic since I had it way before any of this happened. Anyway. The fringe advice is a solid one, I guess... TBH I got my scissors ready many times and measured it, etc.. never had the courage, but it has been in my idea for a few years now.. I'm just scared of losing even more volume on the ponytail? IDK. It might be worth it... I'm just unsure if I even have enough hair for a fringe anymore.. pics will come soon, but the worst is that my hairline has a 'hollow' spot just at the center, so I have neither good temples nor a good side section. It's bad. Last time I sectioned my 'fringe' area it was so wispy that I would need to go all the way to the top of my head to gather hair for a decent fringe... might be worth it, still..

[Dragoness]

Sarahlabyrinth: No need to say, but your hair is gorgeous! I love the look and honestly I'm a lover of this color... its a dream of mine to one day achieve it. I think your hairline is slightly similar to mine, only so hard to compare as my hair is dark, it might enhance the feeling of 'baldness' that I have. But still, I'm sure I have much less hair on the front..

By the way, if my unruly strands would behave like this! Ah!. Yeah, you definitely made me feel less worse about my little 'crown', but still, I think the hairs just look so silly on me since they stick out or upwards as little 'horns'.. while the rest just falls down. If only they were just a bit longer, I could have a messy but interesting look.

lapushka: Thanks a lot.. Yes, I have a formal diagnosis and pretty much all symptoms expected (minus acne)... its been like this for more than a decade. The worst part imo is the weight gain and hair loss, as I don't want children. I just want to feel better and look a little more like my mind's eye... my ideal aesthetic is so far from it and I feel so ugly sometimes, tbh. I'm trying to work on my body and for some reason, long hair is an absolute must for me since childhood (I've always been enchanted by it) and its so sad that I had to have problems exactly with that part that is so important to me. Ok, I know people have it way worse, I feel guilty for complaining... I need to work and improve what I have... right now I'm struggling to not cover my scalp, but whenever I need to go to some special occasion I can't resist it.

Beckstar: Thanks.. yes, I take metformin and birth control, but I never felt any difference with the anti-androgens so I stop them sometimes... they just gave me bad secondary effects. I definitely need to work on my life style and I don't eat as good as I should, but I'm working on that. Last year had pretty bad days for me so I think I learned my lesson... I'm also going for walks every day.

ReptilianFeline: Thank you so much for advice.. I'm thinking on trying low poo or derivatives. Only problem is I live in rural Brazil (middle of nowhere) so its hard to come by any sort of different product, either natural or professional... Gonna have to order them, if I must. I think the advice about scalp staining is really smart and good.. gonna check this out. This might be worthy a try! Thanks again..

YvetteVarie: *hugs back* I'm really glad I came here..

Chromis: Thanks a lot for the idea.. I'm thinking about buying a local product similar to this.. let's see if it works!

MusicalSpoons: Thank you so much... your comment resonates a lot with me. Cutting it would be like cutting out an arm tbh, its an integral part of myself, being the best or worst hair out there its all I have... I tend to go by this.. I'm grateful to have your advice here and all the people on this forum, I have been lurking for a few years and definitely improved a bit the condition and my regime... I was already natural, but it made me more focused. Well, as said above to the other people, my PCOS is definitely out of control and needing improvements. Hair isn't and shouldn't be my biggest concern when it gets to but, but still.. its such an important part of our image, I guess.

[ReptilianFeline]

Dragoness - if you live in rural Brazil, there ought to be plants you can use that grow locally. I use chickpea flour, but you could try corn flour maybe? I use juniper water, but any kind of pine or similar is fine as well. Shikakai and areetha, I had to get online, but I use very little of it. Maybe you can look into old local native herbal washing rituals? And please post them, because I'm curious about things like that :)

[pailin]

Hugs to you! I have a coworker with PCOS, and although she's gotten most of her symptoms under control, I know it's been frustrating for her and she's still looking for a better doctor. Anyway, for your fine, tangly, easily breakable hair, you may find that the right routine makes a big difference. For me, getting enough moisture into my hair made the tangles problem much, much more manageable. You may also find that some hairstyles cover your temples better than others. As to whether you should try bangs or face framing layers, maybe you could measure your ponytail circumference - that might help people advise you (ie whether people with the same amount of circumference as you thought it worked well for them). If your hair is wavy, not straight, maybe try face framing bits first (long enough to tuck behind your ears-if you decide you want bangs you could then cut them shorter) ; bangs on some of us with wavy hair can be uncontrollable and stick out like little horns.

Also don't let people pressure you too much to chop- you may just feel like you end up feeling like you have with short horrible hair (whether it is or not!). A lot of us would say our hair is for our own enjoyment anyway, not for anyone else. Do what YOU want!

[bparnell75]

For the balding areas I suggest a product called Canooki

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Ive actually personally tried both eyeshadow and the fillers made for scalps but the eyeshadow was better. The sprays and shadows made for scalps actually make my skin itchy. I wouldnt worry about the eyeshadow clogging pores, because 1. that area doesnt seem to grow anything anyway, so theres no pattern or skin you're disrupting. and 2. its safe for the eyes so i think it would be ok for the scalp too.

[cjk]

I've been doing keto for a year and PCOS is one topic that comes up, regularly, on the groups. It seems to be effectively treated by a ketogenic diet. Have you looked into dietary approaches as a way to address your total health?

I'd also suggest not washing so often, since you complain specifically about its texture immediately after washing. We have no-poo, con-poo, water-only and several other methods. Ultimately it's about finding what works, and possibly more importantly what doesn't work, for your hair.

[lapushka]

I've been doing keto for a year and PCOS is one topic that comes up, regularly, on the groups. It seems to be effectively treated by a ketogenic diet. Have you looked into dietary approaches as a way to address your total health?

I'd also suggest not washing so often, since you complain specifically about its texture immediately after washing. We have no-poo, con-poo, water-only and several other methods. Ultimately it's about finding what works, and possibly more importantly what doesn't work, for your hair.

I've been here for quite some time, but I've never heard of this; what is "con-poo"? :?:

[Obsidian]

I've been here for quite some time, but I've never heard of this; what is "con-poo"? :?:

Co wash I would think or maybe condish then wash

[QuoteTheCrow]

I've been here for quite some time, but I've never heard of this; what is "con-poo"? :?:

I think this would be using conditioner first, and then shampoo second. Just my guess!

[spidermom]

I think this would be using conditioner first, and then shampoo second. Just my guess!

My guess, too. I do this in hot weather because if I use the conditioner last, it leaves my hair limp and dull.

[cjk]

Sorry, I meant conditioner only. But yes, conditioning then shampoo is yet another option, too.

It's amazing the details that can provide the ultimate answer for individual hair problems.

And, seriously, the ketogenic diet is apparently one way to address the symptoms of PCOS including fertility issues. Comes up on my keto groups, regularly. There are more than a few keto babies out there, and one of my friends had an actual unintended pregnancy scare...from a woman with fertility issues.

I'm not saying that keto is the only answer, or even the answer for you. Talk to your doctor. But I do suggest this. Take a look, holistically, and see what you may need to change. Diet is a HUGE part of overall physical health, and hair is a very common indicator of any health issues.

[Wendyp]

Hormones are absolutely directly related to hair health. Pcos causes high testosterone and that severely messes with your hair. You have to have someone very knowledgeable to help balance hormones. Nothing to put on your hair will combat the effects of pcos.

[lucid]

Hairloss on keto diet is common though, so I would personally be cautious about it.

[spidermom]

I don't know if your hair is horrible or not, so this is not a comment on your hair. I just wonder what someone is gaining if they hate their hair but don't change it. I know if I thought my hair looked horrible long or with a certain haircut, I'd change it.

[Chromis]

I don't know if your hair is horrible or not, so this is not a comment on your hair. I just wonder what someone is gaining if they hate their hair but don't change it. I know if I thought my hair looked horrible long or with a certain haircut, I'd change it.

Hmmm, well I think my hair looks terrible when it is shorter. My giant centre part still there even when it is less than an inch long, plus I have crazy cowlicks. Only way through that was to keep growing. It needs the length to weigh those cowlicks down since I lacked the ability to make that look decent. My hair looked pretty rough for a while :lol: