Getting so frustrated about hair care that I get the urge to cut it all of

[kuroi]

I'm getting so frustrated with caring for my hair that I get the urge to cut it all of.
I still love the way long hair looks so I want to try to find a way that makes me happy about my hair again.

OK time for my small rant about the frustrations.
My hair tangles very easily and breaks even easier when I try to untangle it. I tried to make it more slippery to help to with the untangling but that makes it really difficult to keep any bun in even if I use stuff like spin pins.
when my bun slips out its instantly a big tangle as well and at work (in a greenhouse) it falls in the dirt.
I sort of combat this by wearing a bread 24/7 except when washing.
That my next frustration, washing my hair feels like too much work and I hate how long it takes to dry. It either becomes super tangled while drying it loose or it stays wet even longer in a braid or bun.

So yeay basically tangles, buns that don't want to stay and washing plus drying.
it's maybe not a lot of reasons but it's driving me insane. I literally felt like shaving it all of yesterday.
So I started searching this forum to try a find a way to deal with it.
I found very good reasons to not shave so at least that's out of my head. But for the rest I couldn't really found something that got me hopeful enough to get the idea of cutting it out of my head.

For now I will do the only haircut that won't be regrettable : cutting back to my original goal length of 36".
My last cut was back from 38,5" to 37,5" but that didn't help anything sadly.

Any thoughts that might help and suggestions would make me happy.
Sorry for the long post

[Reyn127]

I totally understand where you’re coming from with the frustrations with your hair. Tangles take a lot of time and patience to deal with! Hair really seems to have its own ideas about what it’s going to do. I’ve caught myself thinking about cutting back, as well. Just make sure you’ve thought it through before you do anything drastic!

My advice is for keeping your hair less tangled while washing. What I’ve started doing lately, is separating my hair into two (left and right sides), and then loosely braiding them starting below about shoulder/collarbone. So the scalp hair is left free to wash, but the length remains somewhat contained. I’ll wash with the braids in, and let my hair dry about halfway with them in, as well. I’ve also started blow drying my hair every so often (only on cool), and I just dry my scalp and crown hair first, and then let out the braids to dry the length.

Maybe something like that will help you a bit, just containing your length as you wash.

[lapushka]

OK, now I'm going to sound like a broken record, but have you tried the Wet Brush yet? I have tried this "thing" recently and it has proven to be an amazing tool.

I used to need to get very moisturizing conditioners in order to get tangles out, but no more, I can use up all my silicone-free conditioners now without a problem for tangles, because that brush gets the tangles right out without tugging at the scalp.

Can I ask what tools you're using?
Maybe we can help!

[Sarahlabyrinth]

...Hmmm. Have you tried using claw clips to hold your buns? In my experience, NOTHING escapes from claw clips (and you can use several at a time). I hope you find a way to tame your hair, it would be a shame to give up on it and cut it.

Also, have you tried clarifying it?

[Chromis]

It will get easier to contain as it gets longer, for serious! You've got this.

I deeply suggest that you try wearing a bandana or a head tube out in the greenhouse. It will keep your bun protected and also keeps sweat out of your eyes at the same time. Winning! I wouldn't be without mine when I am gardening, esp in the greenhouse in the summer. It will likely also hold your bun in place better as a bonus.

Not everyone gets on with spin pins. My hair refuses to cooperate with them. For heavy work, I like Ficcare. Braided buns also work well and you might find them a lot easier with a fork or a thicker style stick. There is no way I would want to garden with a braid unless I put it into a bun!

[DweamGoiL]

My hair is super slippy as well. I can't do silicone conditioners because they make my hair 1) super limp and 2) impossible to contain. As it is now, it seems like it can pretty much get out of anything. I have learned I have to do my buns a bit tighter (not to the point that they feel tight) but the base needs to be in a firm foundation with good hold and I need to weave in plenty of scalp hair along the way or else my hair just kind of unravels and faints. Because my hair is more fine than medium, I have been cone free for over a decade. It does take patience to detangle. I have made it a nightly ritual and I now it's a time I need patience and a clear head. There's just no rushing through that. For me, clarifying has to be done routinely because even oils and aloe vera gel will substantially weigh my hair down.

I also find that long U pins hold much better than other types of pins. The wider set tines add more stability than other types of pins. I also like wavy Amish pins for that reason as well. Hang in there, it does get better, and don't be so hard on your hair. It took me a long time to make peace with my hair, and if nothing else, take this away from this post; the more you fight with your hair, the less it will do what you want. Hair just kind of has a mind of its own and sometimes we want to just dominate it. That way of handling things will just lead to more frustration down the line...trust me!

I agree with Chromis that the longer and bulkier your hair is, the easier it is to contain. Sometimes for us fineys it means longer lengths than most just to achieve that bulkiness.

[Larki]

Large claw clips hold like a rock. I normally just use one to hold up heavily oiled or deep conditioned hair all day at work.

[akurah]

Have you tried braided ponytails with the newfangled phone cord style ties?

My hair has decided that nothing will be comfortable for the time being except this: high phone cord pony with a larger (wrist wearable size) one. Braid it about halfway down, tie off with a smaller phone cord pony. Fold the braid, pull the braid tassel up to and including the braid tie through the anchor ponytail (you only need to pull through one wrap of it). Once it’s up and folded over, the bend of the braid and my tassel comes down to just shy of shoulder length.

Today the tassel and braid don’t come down as far as usual because i anchored higher.
https://imgur.com/a/zJH7T

[Rustam]

I was recently frustrated and thinking about cutting though my hair isn't nearly as long. I found the advice to try different styles (maybe a braided bun) to be really helpful and helped me get out of a rut. i'm sure people will have some good advice for you here. Just don't do anything real rash, cutting some might be reasonable, but a big cut might be really frustrating in a few days.

[lapushka]

I was recently frustrated and thinking about cutting though my hair isn't nearly as long. I found the advice to try different styles (maybe a braided bun) to be really helpful and helped me get out of a rut. i'm sure people will have some good advice for you here. Just don't do anything real rash, cutting some might be reasonable, but a big cut might be really frustrating in a few days.

Yes, I agree! :agree: If you are thinking about cutting your hair, OP, cut it in increments, and don't go too far too fast!

[kuroi]

Thanks for the replies everyone.
My issue is not tangles while washing btw, it's actually the only moment the tangles comes out easier (hooray conditioner). I just generally dislike washing my hair because it takes so long.
The blow drying for the scalp while the length is braided is a great idea to solve the drying issue :D

I haven't tried the small claw clips yet so I shall try that out tomorrow.
I have tried a big claw clip but I didn't have success with, it just fell very heavy and was hurting my scalp. But maybe I wasn't using it right as it didn't even hold my bun.

I'm not sure if my current shampoos are clarifying enough as all of them are sulfate free (my skin hates sulfates).
Activated charcoal is supposed to be clarifying but I've only used it on my scalp so far (which felt much cleaner then the other shampoos afterwards).

I guess I wasn't clear about my. Bun/braid. I've kept it in a braid for the past months but I put the braiding a bun in the daytime. The times I did und the braid before making the bun were extra frustrating.
But a bandana at work sounds like a good plan, so I will try that out as well.

I'm not a big fan of the phone cord hair ties. It seems impossible to take out without damage. I mostly use kinda bulky soft hair ties.

I got a few things to try tomorrow already as it's wash day, so let's see if that helps.

[kuroi]

Yes, I agree! :agree: If you are thinking about cutting your hair, OP, cut it in increments, and don't go too far too fast!

Yes that's a reason why i won't cut further back then 36" for now. If I'm still not happy after that plus trying out suggestions I will see again. But that automatically makes sure I won't do anything drastic suddenly :D
I think the risk of regret will be way too high as u spent so long to reach this length in the first place.

[Rowdy]

-snip-

I haven't tried the small claw clips yet so I shall try that out tomorrow.
I have tried a big claw clip but I didn't have success with, it just fell very heavy and was hurting my scalp. But maybe I wasn't using it right as it didn't even hold my bun.

-snip-

I can't use large claw clips either, they just don't seem to have any hold and they feel very heavy to me. I use these small clips currently and they hold great, one on each side of a beebutt/cinablob grabbing just a tiny bit of scalp hair. https://www.amazon.com/Scunci-No-Slip-Grip-Mini-Clips/dp/B001QX7NTQ/ref=sr_1_5_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1517612826&sr=8-5&keywords=scunci%2Bhair%2Bclips%2Bno%2Bslip%2Bgrip&th=1

[leayellena]

What is wrong with writing so much?

I'm getting so frustrated with caring for my hair that I get the urge to cut it all of.
I still love the way long hair looks so I want to try to find a way that makes me happy about my hair again.

OK time for my small rant about the frustrations.
My hair tangles very easily and breaks even easier when I try to untangle it. - fine hair is prone to tangles. Period. Try to coat it in leave-in conditioner from the top to the ends of at least few cm away from the scalp. Don't detangled your hair when you are in a rush.
I tried to make it more slippery to help to with the untangling but that makes it really difficult to keep any bun in even if I use stuff like spin pins. - maybe doing updos on damp hair can actually help?
when my bun slips out its instantly a big tangle as well and at work (in a greenhouse) it falls in the dirt. - do you use hair elastics?
I sort of combat this by wearing a bread 24/7 except when washing. - try this bun: https://youtu.be/PcceaPyJirU
That my next frustration, washing my hair feels like too much work - I wash my hair in 15 min. and it takes up to 3 hours to dry. Long low porosity hair.

I hate how long it takes to dry. - haha tried to scrunch my hair thinking it may actually be wavy? Lol! It's the layers that ""curl, bent, frizzies. I hate layers because they make us think we have curly hair instead of fine straight and possibly thick hair. Either becomes super tangled while drying it loose or it stays wet even longer in a braid or bun. - that's my hair so I decided to comb after shower, when it's rather damp, not wet. My hair looks better straight than any type of unnatural layered and curled frizzy cut mop on my scalp.

So yeay basically tangles. - have you thought maybe your Conditioner is not that good? I am planning to buy another conditioner although this one is cheap and it last for a year!
buns that don't want to stay - what type of buns?
and washing plus drying.
it's maybe not a lot of reasons but it's driving me insane. I literally felt like shaving it all of yesterday.
So I started searching this forum to try a find a way to deal with it. - I don't know if it helps but we have a thread called fine and thick hair.
I found very good reasons to not shave so at least that's out of my head. But for the rest I couldn't really found something that got me hopeful enough to get the idea of cutting it out of my head. - you will have fine short layered hair. I am growing mine from a long pixie: I had devil horns for half a year (thank God my baby lover didn't have the chance to see it almost boyish with a fat round face. Have you ever had short hair? Or what ever chin or shoulder length hair? Do you know how to make that one presentable if you can't ponytail or bun it when the wind blows and tangles your hair?

For now I will do the only haircut that won't be regrettable : cutting back to my original goal length of 36".
My last cut was back from 38,5" to 37,5" but that didn't help anything sadly. - waist length is your hair dream, go for it. But I wonder: what is the difference between waist length and beyond
WL? Just so you know: layers tangles, frizzies, break and split more than the rest of the length. I don't know why: I am just guessing the strands are too feathered, too unprotected by their neighbor strands?
Any thoughts that might help and suggestions would make me happy. - don't do something that you might regret 2 minutes after... If you don't like the hair cut you may actually be stuck with it for months or for years. Keep in mind that people usually come to LHC because of the"advices" they received from "too good" hairdressers: now they have bleach damaged, layered barely APL, with a texture they don't understand because hair won't stay in any way without a serious blow drying and curling iron.
Sorry for the long post - no problems. Sorry for the long "speach"
hihi

[MusicalSpoons]

I can definitely vouch for fine/slippery hair being easier to contain when it's longer! If you keep persevering I'm sure it will get easier. Actually just looking again at your hair stats, as the layers catch up, your hair will be thicker further down so it will certainly be easier to keep contained :)

Have you tried any of the smaller sizes of Flexi-8 to hold a braided style? Some find them too heavy, but if it's through braided hair it should stay better.

My hair also takes a long time to dry, so I usually wash at night and go to bed with it hanging over the pillow and off the end of the bed. (That way, as well as it not mattering how long it takes, it doesn't frizz like it does if I airdry it in the daytime and I have some volume! Although if I wash it too late it will still be damp when I wake up :rolleyes: )