Is Your Hair Thinning?

[DweamGoiL]

This morning I was in the lunchroom preparing my usual coffee and a coworker was staring at my pony tail and the top of my head and asked the much dreaded: Is your hair thinning? It took me a moment to recover because I was taken aback and entirely off guard. I would never dream to ask such a question unless it was a family member and the person began talking about it openly themselves. Yes, this coworker lacks tact and this is no secret around the office, but the thing that struck me most was how deeply it stung. She even went as far as to reminisce on how thick my hair was 10 years ago when I first started rather than now.

I did admit in a calm voice that thinning hair ran in my family and I do recall that this is a genetic trait. My grandmother's hair had thinned and so did my mother's and my uncles were in several stages of balding in their later years. The only choice I have is to accept it. I didn't elaborate any further on my future or immediate plans for my hair because as long as I enjoy it at this length, I am going to keep it. It's not any of her business what my motivations are for keeping it long or short. She has the old lady short fluffy cut and I suppose she feels I should be heading down that road myself. I am proud of myself for not blowing my top because I found it to be such an intrusive question, but it is what it is. Just because I didn't appreciate the manner in which I was put on the spot or the person who asked all that much, my hair will thin in time, and at least I am grateful it's evenly diminishing in thickness rather than individual bald patches in odd but prominent places.

All this to say that although I didn't like being asked this question, I think I have made peace on a deeper level that my hair has lost volume through time. It's really odd how society expects one to cut your hair once you reach a certain age and/or your hair is no longer as full as it one was. I don't begrudge her in particular for making this comment just because she may have blurted out what others have been thinking and what I myself do not like to think about. I know others here have found themselves at the same junction. Just out of curiosity - what would you say is the fine line (pun definitely intended) that signals it's time to just give in to these expectations and no longer fight the good fight?

[Suze]

I'm sorry you had t experience this. First of all: that is beyónd rude! Would you ever go up to her and ask her if her face is starting to sag. Like actually asking is you skin loosing it's firmness (already)? I can remember when I first started out here and you had way less wrinkless than you do now. What is happening with your face!!

An secondly: I think you have gorgeous hair nomatter what thickness it would be. I don't think other people will focus on it that much. If she still remembers how your hair looked 10 years ago she is either way jealous of your hair or just really adores it.

Ugh, can't get over how rude that is. Sorry hope someone else has something to say that will help you/ cheer you up.:flowers:

[lapushka]

Never mind that person. You're totally fine, DweamGoil! I know how things like this can sting, but try not to think about it too much more, we don't want you doing drastic impulsive things (not that you would). But... you know, I know the effect that these things can have first hand.

[*Wednesday*]

Very rude indeed. Maybe she is envious because your hair is so beautiful. Especially if you know that your hair is not thinning, maybe your hair was in a certain style which looked different? However, I would never say that to anyone. Fight the good fight to the finish line Long Haired Knight. ☺

[littlestarface]

My family tells me this all the time and yea its true but I just wish no one notices it but me. It stings me cuz I know they are right and when I look in the mirror I say the same thing in my head, it's going to be horrible when I get much older and I start seeing bald patches.

[lunasea]

Are you asking when it's time to give in and cut or when it's time to tell someone that maybe their question was not appreciated?

As someone who has ALWAYS had thin hair AND whose hair is getting thinner with age all I can say is it's your life and you get to live it however you want. I like hairtoys and if I cut my hair you would simply be seeing a lot more of my scalp and I wouldn't get to play with my toys. Screw that. At this age as long as I'm clean and dressed, I don't think anybody gets to complain about what I look like. I dress and wear my hair in ways that make me happy.

[DweamGoiL]

Thanks, ladies for your support. No worries I don't plan to cut on impulse. I still like my hair and I like wearing it long so it stays :) I am planning to keep it until my ripe old age. The comment did bum me out a bit I will admit, but she's crass and we've had a long history of animosity for work related reasons so I am just going to let it roll off my back for now. It just made me think of the inevitable.

I think Wednesday, you made a good point. My hair was due a wash and it kinda gets limp. I think she also remembers my hair pre-henna. It used to be a lot wavier and I think that made it look much more full in contrast. I didn't think she warrants much more explanation since we are not that close anyways.

littlestarface - I am sorry you are going through the same tactless comments. I know family can sometimes be quite intense and you are kind of just stuck with them because they are family, right? I think your hair is amazing! Even if it inevitably thins over time, right now, it's amazing so just enjoy it *hugz*

lunasea - I know it was an inappropriate comment and she likes to get under people's skin. However, I am at a professional level where it's better to just ignore her lack of decorum rather than to engage her and take a ding in my professional reputation and image. I totally agree with you. Let's rock those hairtoys until the end :rockerdud

[lunasea]

Yep, sounds like you and I are in similar professional circumstances. You learn to let things just slide off your back. Here's to flak jackets and looooong hair decorated with fabulous toys! The folks that count know what's great! :bottomsup:

[leayellena]

I am back to 7.5 cm. It's either my hair is bit thinning because I am quite stressed at the moment or I shed in January rather than September to November...

[Dendra]

DweamGoiL I think you did a good job of taking a negative and finding something positive in it, some peace. I respect you for putting your professionalism ahead of rising to this woman's provocation. Also, from that photo of your hair down that you posted in another thread just recently your hair is stunning.

This week I had a friend to stay who is the sweetest person but can be quite tactless and she said something about my hair being thin, but like you said about yours my hair needed a wash and wasn't looking great, plus I had mentioned a shed I'd had. It does sting doesn't it.

[pailin]

I think you showed amazing restraint toward a person who did not deserve it. Wisdom too, certainly but knowing you shouldn't blow your stack doesn't make it less of an accomplishment.
And your hair is gorgeous.
Also whether or not your hair really has thinned, my experience so far is that no one can really tell how thick my hair is. One day someone is commenting on how thick my hair is, and another someone is calling it thin. The comment says far more about her than about your hair.

[elsiedeluxe]

There are lots of longhairs in my extended family, several of whom I have known into their 80s or 90s. Their hair all thinned over time, and they all kept it long, they just changed the way they put it up as they had less hair. My plan is to follow their lead. I'm 50, and while I had long hair in my 20s and 30s, I drank the koolaid about short hair being what's best for mature women (this comes from the other side of my family). If it weren't for this forum, I don't think I would have been confident enough to commit to growing my hair again. I really believed that my hair was changing as I got older: turns out it just needed gentler handling and oil! Although it's just past chin now, my hair is as silky and heavy as it was in my 20s. It just needed proper care.

You obviously already know all about proper care. Your co-worker was tactless and you handled it well. I think as long as you are enjoying your hair long, keep it. There is no magic moment when you "have" to cut. Your body, your hair, your decision.

[lapushka]

Thanks, ladies for your support. No worries I don't plan to cut on impulse. I still like my hair and I like wearing it long so it stays :) I am planning to keep it until my ripe old age. The comment did bum me out a bit I will admit, but she's crass and we've had a long history of animosity for work related reasons so I am just going to let it roll off my back for now. It just made me think of the inevitable.

I know what you mean. I went through a big hormonal shed (w/ bald patches) at age 13/14 (that 8th grade schoolyear where I turned in age). And yeah. I'm now 45 and dreading the same thing happens to me due to menopause. Also, my mom has gotten thinner hair through the years as well. So, there's that.

Oh, we'll see, it's no use running ahead of myself... :shrug: Nothing you can do about it anyhow.

I'm glad you're letting it roll of your back! :flower:

[lithostoic]

I would've just said something equally as rude. Is your face getting more wrinkly? Is your gut getting bigger? Are your teeth getting yellow?

[Cg]

Glad to hear you aren't going to keep that tactless question at heart. It can be surprising when people demonstrate their poor social skills so flagrantly, but you handled it well.

I'm still chortling over Suze's comment, which of course we would not say, only think -- with a smile.

[enting]

I've seen ladies with ponytails with obvious all over thinning. I mean some of these ladies may have had equal parts hair and visible scalp, and yet they kept their hair long enough to ponytail. It is all about personal choice and personal aesthetic, not anybody else's.

[Dendra]

One further thought, maybe this woman knows you love your hair as she's seen all your nice hair toys etc and for whatever reason wanted to try and hit you where it hurt?

[Beckstar]

I tend to reply very enthusiastically, "It is!" Most people don't reply because they're not sure how to.

[Dendra]

I tend to reply very enthusiastically, "It is!" Most people don't reply because they're not sure how to.

Haha that's a good one ;)

[enting]

I tend to reply very enthusiastically, "It is!" Most people don't reply because they're not sure how to.

I like your style.

[jera]

Your hair looks quite beautiful to me. People shouldn't ask such rude hurtful questions of others. You handled it well. Karma will be on your side.