Need to vent frustration...

[Flossiebell]

I’ve been a member on this site for several years, although I usually lurk and read rather than add my two pennies worth. I have tried a few things over the years to improve the health of my hair, I haven’t dyed it in 15 months, I’ve tried protective styles and I feel like I’m constantly fighting it. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong, it seems I get to a certain length (bsl and beyond) and my hair turns into a monster. I just don’t know what to do with it. It’s ridiculous. I have just had to wash 3 times with clarifying shampoo to get lush rnb out of my hair - it turned it from dry and crunchy ends to an all over matted tangled mess. It really hurt trying to get the knots out. I’m wary of putting anything on it as I’m now unsure of where to go from here. I don’t like putting products in my hair because I don’t like the heavy feeling I get from curl creams and gel. I think oils are making my hair crunchy - I have used coconut oil and olive oil. Jojoba oil and mineral oil don’t seem to do anything other than give my hair shine. If I go down the moisturising route then all the conditioners I see (leave in or otherwise) are full of coconut oil and silicones. Sometimes I wonder if I am just not destined to have long hair! I’ve already chopped a couple inches off thinking that would help - wrong! It’s sooo frustrating 🤯

Is it best to start from scratch and not worry about oils and silicones and just not add anything to my hair? I think I’ve got to the point that I don’t know what to do with it anymore. Thanks for reading if you got this far.

[akurah]

Some hair likes to be left alone, which, for me, that means:

Wash it infrequently (every 2-3 days to potentially every few weeks, I'm starting week 3 of no wash and it looks okay, but I'll probably wash it soon)
Potentially use a 2-in-1 over conditioner (this may not work if your hair is inherently dry, mine is not)
Wear it up (my hair is in a phase it does not approve of sticks, ficcares, or clips, so I'm doing a LWB and putting a phone-cord style holder round the core of the bun lately) or in braids, but up is better
Oil it as needed (skip if this cause crunch), and I do this really rarely, maybe once every few months, sometimes more in winter.
Use aloe vera gel to control flyaways as needed (typically after wash, but I do this really rarely)
Use a detangler spray when detangling (I currently use Carol's Daughter black vanilla leave in conditioner)



This is possibly an unpopular opinion, but I've always felt that people who have problems with their hair misbehaving are simply using too many products and trying too many different ones. I've used the same line for years (Head and Shoulders), maybe a decade now, and the same "type" for probably a year now (the fragrance free version, which is apparently discontinued but you can still find in stores). I think having a goal of, if possible, using as few products as you can is a good one, and could result in better behaved hair. I do have some products (ex: hairspray, mousse) but those are used maybe once a year.

You should also consider the curly girl method. I believe it's more complicated than what I do (my routine is more suitable for straighter hair, which mine seems to be most days, other days it fancies itself a 2a), and you may find the source of your annoyance is perhaps your hair is actually curlier than you think it is, and it wants more moisture.

[lapushka]

You haven't dyed it in 15 months, that's almost a year and a half, almost, so there's few virgin growth there.

Yeah, Lush... I just don't go there, figuratively and literally. Maybe try and switch to a regular light conditioner if RNB is too heavy, which I'm thinking it is?

2a hair doesn't need a lot of styling products. I myself am almost classic and use a coinsize per layer for the LOC/LCO method, a coinsize, and no more.

[Rowdy]

You might just need to maintain and trim out damage for another year or so. BSL was the length my dyed hair crumbled at, I think I maintained around 26 - 28" for about 2 years before I could grow longer without the ends being a major pain.

[Flossiebell]

Hi Akurah, thanks for reading. I don’t wash my hair more than twice a week and I do have a few different shampoo/conditioners I need to use up so maybe that’s not helping. I try not to put much in my hair if I can avoid it. I have tried the curly girl method but it involves putting lots of products on hair (seems like it when you don’t use much as a rule). Air dried my hair goes into Ringlets, waves and curls with some straight bits underneath. If I use curly girl method the curls are shinier, bigger and heavier but that’s about all, not a lot of difference other than looking more ‘finished’ but it feels coated.

[Flossiebell]

Hi Lapushka, I am hoping to get rid of all dyed hair and then it will feel better, just a case of hanging on in there I guess. I have some lighter conditioner I will give another try. I think I’m in the middle though - lightweight doesn’t seem to be quite enough and heavyweight is too much. I guess I would be bored if it was an easy journey!

[Groovy Granny]

Coconut oil makes my hair crunchy, and so do gels....and heavy oils weigh my hair down :tmi:

Without silicones my hair sounds like yours :hmm:'They are not the evil they are made out to be and some people DO need them IMHO.

I use Joico Moisture S&C, I use a dab of conditioner for a leave in, then a few drops of mineral oil or a light rose oil mix from 'Lucky Vitamin'.

For wispies I use a few drops of Biosilk Lite Serum.

So would try moisturizing products and silicones seeing you already clarified, and just keep micro trimming the damage.

Good luck :cheer:

[Flossiebell]

Hi Rowdy, isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing? I stopped dying my hair for a few months about 10 years ago - if I had stuck it out then I wouldn’t be so annoyed with it now. Oh well that’s life! I’ll just keep trimming the ends every so often and try not to think about it too much, maybe then I’ll have all Virgin hair before I know it. Here’s hoping!

[Flossiebell]

Hi Groovy Granny, thanks for the advice. I have used silicones before but I’m just unsure if they are contributing to the crunchy, dry weirdness of my hair. I know they can cause build up, so would I have to use a clarifying shampoo every other week or so to counteract that? Also, just so I’m clear on this: Will a normal sulphate shampoo prevent buildup of silicones?

[Groovy Granny]

Hi Groovy Granny, thanks for the advice. I have used silicones before but I’m just unsure if they are contributing to the crunchy, dry weirdness of my hair. I know they can cause build up, so would I have to use a clarifying shampoo every other week or so to counteract that? Also, just so I’m clear on this: Will a normal sulphate shampoo prevent buildup of silicones?

Normal sulphate shampoos prevent buildup, and I only clarify every few months.

Without all the unusual 'taboo products' my hair is a coarse tangled mess :p

I'm no expert but this is what works for me :o

[Flossiebell]

Thanks for all the advice everyone, it helps having a sounding board of people that understand xx

[Groovy Granny]

Hopefully you find what works for you!
I found it helps to keep an open mind re: products, because if I listened to all the naysayers re: what I use, *I* would be miserable and my hair would be a mess. :p

[lapushka]

Also, for detangling your hair, what tools are you using?

A WT comb, followed by a BBB?
A Tangle Teezer?
A Wet brush?

I have just discovered the Wet brush (a dupe) and am loving it; doesn't pull or tug at my scalp and I love the thing (on damp hair).

Sometimes how we detangle plays a huge part in all of it too. Because that determines whether a conditioner is light or heavy (the tangles that it leaves).

[Flossiebell]

Also, for detangling your hair, what tools are you using?

A WT comb, followed by a BBB?
A Tangle Teezer?
A Wet brush?

I have just discovered the Wet brush (a dupe) and am loving it; doesn't pull or tug at my scalp and I love the thing (on damp hair).

Sometimes how we detangle plays a huge part in all of it too. Because that determines whether a conditioner is light or heavy (the tangles that it leaves).

I use a tangle teezer before washing and a wide tooth wooden comb after washing. Never heard of a wet brush.....googling now. I always detangle from the bottom up but it seems that as I move up the length, more tangles appear in the combed sections. Random.

[lapushka]

I use a tangle teezer before washing and a wide tooth wooden comb after washing. Never heard of a wet brush.....googling now. I always detangle from the bottom up but it seems that as I move up the length, more tangles appear in the combed sections. Random.

I detangle bottom to top with my Wet brush (dupe) too. I got mine for 1.49 at a local discounter. I first thought, what the heck is that thing gonna do? But OMG that thing is way better than a comb! Doesn't tug or pull when my comb did that when I didn't use conditioners that were moisturizing enough. I had so many tangles when using too light a conditioner and that *hurt* like hell with the comb.

There is a thread on here, the wet brush thread; might wanna check it out for other people's reviews too.

[spidermom]

and just to join your frustration, sometimes hair/scalp changes and you have to re-discover what's going to make you happy with your hair again. After years of a wash and condition every 3-4 days routine, for about the past year my hair has needed to be washed every other day. I don't want to! I've been making my hair wait until the 3rd day most of the time, hoping it would readjust, but no. If I want non-oily hair, I have to wash it every other day now. This is so annoying for me! Oh, and sometimes it starts to look oily on the 2nd day!!!! WTF!!!!!!

[Flossiebell]

I detangle bottom to top with my Wet brush (dupe) too. I got mine for 1.49 at a local discounter. I first thought, what the heck is that thing gonna do? But OMG that thing is way better than a comb! Doesn't tug or pull when my comb did that when I didn't use conditioners that were moisturizing enough. I had so many tangles when using too light a conditioner and that *hurt* like hell with the comb.

There is a thread on here, the wet brush thread; might wanna check it out for other people's reviews too.

Thanks Lapushka, I’ll check that thread out. Looking at it on google it looks like an ordinary brush. Definitely worth looking into though, thanks 🙂

[lapushka]

Thanks Lapushka, I’ll check that thread out. Looking at it on google it looks like an ordinary brush. Definitely worth looking into though, thanks ��

Yes, but the bristles are quite stiff, yet bendy in an odd way - anyway, it's magic. I'll link the thread for you!
http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=144921

[DweamGoiL]

Hi Flossiebell!

You and I have the same hairtype. Mine has straightened up a bit because I have been using Henna for a couple of years. First off, try not to put too much stuff on your hair. Our hair needs volume or else it's going to look stringy and sparse. I have been cone free and sulfate free for over a decade. I find in order to retain volume and for my hair to stay nice and clean, my hair does not do well with too many chemicals. I usually water down the pea size dollop of conditioner in the shower before I apply it and then comb my hair gently with a wide-toothed comb. I don't use any styling, heavy oils, or leave in products anymore.

In the Summer, I use Aloe Vera gel for a bit of hold and for oils, I use a drop or two of Jojoba, Argan, Sweet Almond, or Monoi Oil. My hair doesn't do well with straight coconut oil, but it LOVES Monoi. Additionally, my hair LOVES protein. Basically, if I want body, I need protein. If my hair starts to be a bit on the dry side, then I use a moisturizing volumizing conditioner (which means no cones). Once a month or so, I do need to clarify, which is the only time I use sulfates. Other than that, no more products.

When I was fist growing out my hair and I was growing out damage and extreme dryness from dye, I was using restructuring conditioners until I didn't need them anymore. My personal favorite was Joico K-Pak's Reconstructor Conditioner. And always had to water it down and use a small amount, but it worked really well until my hair was healthier.

[Flossiebell]

Yes, but the bristles are quite stiff, yet bendy in an odd way - anyway, it's magic. I'll link the thread for you!
http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=144921

Lapushka - thank you so much for that link. I have bought one and it is brilliant on dry hair so cannot wait to try it on damp hair 🙂 💐

[Blue Mermaid]

I’ve been a member on this site for several years, although I usually lurk and read rather than add my two pennies worth. I have tried a few things over the years to improve the health of my hair, I haven’t dyed it in 15 months, I’ve tried protective styles and I feel like I’m constantly fighting it. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong, it seems I get to a certain length (bsl and beyond) and my hair turns into a monster. I just don’t know what to do with it. It’s ridiculous. I have just had to wash 3 times with clarifying shampoo to get lush rnb out of my hair - it turned it from dry and crunchy ends to an all over matted tangled mess. It really hurt trying to get the knots out. I’m wary of putting anything on it as I’m now unsure of where to go from here. I don’t like putting products in my hair because I don’t like the heavy feeling I get from curl creams and gel. I think oils are making my hair crunchy - I have used coconut oil and olive oil. Jojoba oil and mineral oil don’t seem to do anything other than give my hair shine. If I go down the moisturising route then all the conditioners I see (leave in or otherwise) are full of coconut oil and silicones. Sometimes I wonder if I am just not destined to have long hair! I’ve already chopped a couple inches off thinking that would help - wrong! It’s sooo frustrating 🤯

Is it best to start from scratch and not worry about oils and silicones and just not add anything to my hair? I think I’ve got to the point that I don’t know what to do with it anymore. Thanks for reading if you got this far.

The reason Lush R&B didn't work well for you, is your hair type is Fine. R&B is really for coarse, dry, frizzy hair. I use it when I want to wear my hair down- it helps keep my hair looking shiny and hydrated, but it is heavy- it's loaded with heavy oils and butters. I certainly don't use it often, either. I use it for styling, not every day hydration.

You may want to try a detangler instead of a leave in cream. Something lighter that will give your hair slip, making detangling easier, reducing the mechanical damage, thus reducing how much your hair 'grabs' itself. Also look into how you wear your hair. A ponytail in the same spot everyday, if your ends are dragging across your shirt can be causing issues. (My biggest issue ATM-but I'm working on wearing protective styles more often)

[lapushka]

Lapushka - thank you so much for that link. I have bought one and it is brilliant on dry hair so cannot wait to try it on damp hair �� ��

Yes, on damp hair it is *something*; and you wouldn't think just by looking at it! It's like, WTH is that going to do. LOL!


The reason Lush R&B didn't work well for you, is your hair type is Fine. R&B is really for coarse, dry, frizzy hair. I use it when I want to wear my hair down- it helps keep my hair looking shiny and hydrated, but it is heavy- it's loaded with heavy oils and butters. I certainly don't use it often, either. I use it for styling, not every day hydration.

You may want to try a detangler instead of a leave in cream. Something lighter that will give your hair slip, making detangling easier, reducing the mechanical damage, thus reducing how much your hair 'grabs' itself. Also look into how you wear your hair. A ponytail in the same spot everyday, if your ends are dragging across your shirt can be causing issues. (My biggest issue ATM-but I'm working on wearing protective styles more often)

Maybe just using a pea size, spread through palms and spread over the lengths. Is R&B a leave-in? I'm not that familiar with Lush.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

R&B is a leave in product for dry/curly hair. It is meant to put onto the ends. It is not a conditioner, its a moisturizer for the hair.

I used it a long time ago but it did the same thing you're describing. Tangles galore! I had to use the SMALLEST amount for it to be "ok" in my hair.
Eventually I got tired of using it and went back and exchanged it for some of the skin care.

I dont care for lush hair care, they put sulphates in the conditioner to help "remove products left over oils", when I asked that is the answer they gave.
Which doesnt make sense for me because I remove the oils and heavy butters with sls free shampoos, co washing and less harsher methods.
The skin care at lush is where its at though, avoid the hair products they just dont work.