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AmberJewel
December 8th, 2017, 04:41 PM
So my hair is at tailbone and slooooowwly approaching classic. All of it has been grown since joining LHC except for the bottom 3 to 5 inches. And those bottom inches are NOT in very good condition. I've been very unhappy with the way my hair looks lately, and refusing to wear it down in public because I'm sort of ashamed of it. I've been thinking about cutting a few inches to even up the hemline.
At the same time, though, I still REALLY LOVE the length! Like to the point of having bad dreams about chopping and then waking up feeling guilty about it multiple times!

Anyway this come up because I'm visiting a friend and her family is all saying the same thing: that I really need to cut the ends to make it look better. Normally I wouldn't listen but they're pointing to the same problem areas that I've been noticing. They've even offered to take me to their stylist!

Now I'm really hesitant and worried about what I should do. I do want my hair to look nice and be more confident with it, but I'm still terrified of someone messing it up and taking off too much length. It's very thin already and I'm not sure I want layers and highlights (which they're recommending). It might look great, but it might also be a huge mistake. I haven't been to a stylist in 11 years or so. I should probably add that these people all have beautiful, thick hair, not as long as mine, but still very nice.

I hope this has been coherent, but I really just need some advice.

Dark40
December 8th, 2017, 04:47 PM
I wouldn't chop it all off if I were you. I would see about investing in a good conditioner. Or, a deep moisturizing or protein conditioner for those ends. Hey, right now I'm not liking the looks of my ends either. Every time after blow-drying my hair for only 5 minutes my ends always looks frizzy and dry. I think it might be because of the heat from the blow-dryer but I don't know any other way of blow-drying my hair straight.

Lady Stardust
December 8th, 2017, 04:47 PM
I really wouldn't go to a stylist you don't know, and certainly not under pressure from anyone else.

You could microtrim the bottom few inches away, they'll be gone before you know it. Half an inch a month, or quarter of an inch a month if you want to keep growing.

It's not worth risking all your dedication in getting this far because someone else is making you feel bad. Remember the two week wait rule!

Definitely forget about highlights and layers if they haven't been on your mind for a long time already. Your hair sounds lovely, don't undo all your good work x

Dark40
December 8th, 2017, 04:53 PM
I second Lady Stardust. Just trim off or do micro trims a little at a time each month, and the bottom ends will be gone before you know it.

Chiquita Banana
December 8th, 2017, 04:56 PM
Hi! With thin hair, I would not recommend getting layers. I did that once and hated them because little fly-away pieces stuck out of braids and it's hard to style if you want to wear your hair down. Up-dos were more challenging with multiple layers as well. And I'd be hesitant to go see a stylist (because they tend to always cut more than you want) but not hesitant to trim it a little yourself. These are just my quick thoughts in response to reading your post - I know it's a hard decision! If the ends are bothering you that much, it could be a great thing for your hair.

Ultimately, you need to do what makes you happy and not what your friends, family, a stylist, or someone on this board tells you to do. And if you aren't sure what choice to make yet... wait on it. :blossom:

Jo Ann
December 8th, 2017, 05:10 PM
AmberJewel, I would condition the ends, microtrim out the damage and politely tell your friend and her family "Thanks, But NO Thanks!" for their *ahem!* generous offer. They won't have to live with and deal with whatever their "stylist" would do to your hair--not the layers, not the highlights and CERTAINLY not the "trim"! :draw:

I second the two-week rule! In the meantime, microtrim (even to maintain at your current length for a couple of months, until you've got the damage under more control) and, as part of your routine, show those ends a bit more TLC. I think you'll be happier in the long run! :toast:

AmberJewel
December 8th, 2017, 06:22 PM
Thanks so much for all of your advice. I'll definitely say "no" to the layers: I already have plenty of trouble with flyaways and bits poking out of my braids. I've been considering cutting an inch... maybe an inch-and-a-half for quite a while now, so I might agree to that, but am very wary of everything else. I've seen too many horror stories on this forum.
You're right that I'm the one who will have to live with the results and I appreciate your support. It's nice not to feel frumpy. :)

I don't feel badly towards my friend because she is being very generous, especially since it's a pretty expensive salon, but she doesn't value the length as much as I do. They mentioned cutting "only" to BSL (which is definitely not happening), and that it would help me to look thinner and happier, and make my hair grow faster. This contradicts nearly all the research I've done on hair growth. I'm a pretty reserved person and I am overweight, but I don't see how cutting my hair would change any of that. Some pampering might be nice though. Is it possible to do subtle, natural looking highlights with henna? I might consider that. I don't want harsh chemicals on my hair.

Anyway, thank you all for your comments and advice.

Jo Ann
December 8th, 2017, 06:37 PM
If your friend's idea of a "trim" is BSL, I would suggest implementing a "NO Scissors" rule if you went to the salon, AmberJewel. With the horror stories on here, I don't believe the stylist's (or your friend's, for that matter--no offense) idea of 1-1/2" would be the same as yours :shudder:

I don't know about highlights with henna, but I'm thinking if you DO go to the salon, pepper the stylist with questions about what YOU would like to try or do--use it as a chance to get some information. At least that's what I would do :)

AmberJewel
December 8th, 2017, 06:50 PM
Jo Ann, that's probably wise. I should be asking quite a few questions!

Dark40
December 8th, 2017, 07:08 PM
AmberJewel, I don't believe that cutting your hair is going to help it to grow any faster these days it's a myth. If I want my hair to grow faster I only take off 1cm every 3 or 4 months, and I only trim my hair once or twice a year. I'm on the, "No Trim Challenge."

AmberJewel
December 8th, 2017, 07:12 PM
Yes, I agree. The problem for me is that after my shed last year, my ends are really thin in addition to being (formerly) abused. I also have fine hair that splits easily, so I NEED trims every so often. And since I forgot my last micro-trim, maybe getting a double-trim this time will help..?

Dark40
December 8th, 2017, 07:17 PM
Oh yeah, I've heard and have learned that fine hair does break easily, and that kind of hair does require trims every so often. I have fine/thick hair. Oh yeah, the double-trim will help out a lot.

CindyOfTheOaks
December 8th, 2017, 07:23 PM
Thanks so much for all of your advice. I'll definitely say "no" to the layers: I already have plenty of trouble with flyaways and bits poking out of my braids. I've been considering cutting an inch... maybe an inch-and-a-half for quite a while now, so I might agree to that, but am very wary of everything else. I've seen too many horror stories on this forum.
You're right that I'm the one who will have to live with the results and I appreciate your support. It's nice not to feel frumpy. :)

I don't feel badly towards my friend because she is being very generous, especially since it's a pretty expensive salon, but she doesn't value the length as much as I do. They mentioned cutting "only" to BSL (which is definitely not happening), and that it would help me to look thinner and happier, and make my hair grow faster. This contradicts nearly all the research I've done on hair growth. I'm a pretty reserved person and I am overweight, but I don't see how cutting my hair would change any of that. Some pampering might be nice though. Is it possible to do subtle, natural looking highlights with henna? I might consider that. I don't want harsh chemicals on my hair.

Anyway, thank you all for your comments and advice.


Wait...
This is supposed to be a friend ?
(not in my book !)


edited cause that bold came out really big !!

AmberJewel
December 8th, 2017, 08:23 PM
Wait...
This is supposed to be a friend ?
(not in my book !)


edited cause that bold came out really big !!

I agree that the words are harsh, but I don't believe it was meant in a hurtful way.

Deborah
December 8th, 2017, 08:46 PM
Your hair is long enough that having three to five inches off would not make it feel very much shorter, no where near BSL. If you cannot cut your own hair, do you have a trusted friend or relative who could cut off just the bad ends and nothing else for you? If not, you could go to a barber. I have never been (I cut my own of have a friend do it) but I hear that they are not anxious to cut off more than you want, and would be happy to cut exactly what you want off, and pretty inexpensively.

I think you would be happier with those bad ends removed, as you could then have a beautiful, full, even hemline.

Best of luck with whatever you do!

Groovy Granny
December 8th, 2017, 08:54 PM
Micro trim it YOURSELF...see how it looks and feels TO YOU....then wait until next month or whenever....or snip a bit more.

Go with your gut is my mantra....if it bugs you daily and you are embarrassed it may be time to make a change....IN SMALL STEPS.

Use the Feyes's method https://feyeselftrim.livejournal.com/

or

Spidermom's 'under the chin method http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=112118&p=2432499&viewfull=1#post2432499

Very easy....take a wee bit off until you are happy...you can do it :cheer:

AmberJewel
December 8th, 2017, 08:55 PM
I usually do trim my own hair in a simple, tiny-bit-at-a-time way, it's just that they want to treat me to something nice and "professional"... I think. But personally I'm much more of a Do-It-Yourselfer.

Thank you for the links, Groovy Granny. :)

Groovy Granny
December 8th, 2017, 08:56 PM
I usually do trim my own hair, it's just that they want to treat me to something nice and "professional"... I think. But personally I'm much more of a Do-It-Yourselfer.

Treats are nice...by trusted stylists only; there are many 'just a trim' horror stories around LHC :tmi:

Arciela
December 8th, 2017, 09:18 PM
I just went through the same thing! My hair was almost classic, longest it has ever been in my life..but the ends were just not good. Mine were bleached and thin..and I have very thick hair so it felt very odd to me, didn't feel like my hair.

It would tangle like velcro no matter what I did, protein treatments, some of the best conditioners, I tried _everything_ but in the end..they just had to go. I cut off a little bit and still was facing the same issue, then I said forget it and had my DBF just cuz to just below waist.

I really miss my hair so much, but I don't miss the 30 mins+ shower due to massive tangling, running my hand through it and having it make tons of knots, it will grow back. You could always try micro trimming :) Personally, I will never go to a stylist to cut my hair...there is only one who has ever listened to me with the exact amount, the rest of them have been chop happy. Only my DBF cuts my hair now.

In the end I would say go with your gut also! It is what I did and don't regret it at all :flower:

julee
December 8th, 2017, 09:26 PM
I was actually in the same situation just last week, just shy of TBL with tangly thin ends. I ended up chopping back to about hip and it feels much healthier. I think trying to deal with the tangles in the ends of my hair was possibly damaging the rest of the length.

CrowningGlory
December 8th, 2017, 10:07 PM
I usually do trim my own hair in a simple, tiny-bit-at-a-time way, it's just that they want to treat me to something nice and "professional"... I think. But personally I'm much more of a Do-It-Yourselfer.

Thank you for the links, Groovy Granny. :)

If you've trimmed your hair before then I'd suggest doing it this time and perhaps taking off a little more if you think it would make you happier. If you're nervous about taking too much, do your usual amount, wait a week, and then do it again. You might find that just taking off an inch or so will make all the difference in the world. I've been in the too-embarrassed-to-wear-my-hair-down camp, too, but I like the length and since I rarely wear my hair down in public, have decided to hang onto the length rather than cut to BSL, have shorter hair and struggle to put it up. Also, I've never left a salon happy, or feeling pampered, so think carefully if this is something you really want or if it's want your friends want. Oh, and I'm one of those horror-trim stories (tailbone to BSL) and losing length you're not ready to part with is traumatic.

Elfa
December 9th, 2017, 09:45 AM
If you've trimmed your hair before then I'd suggest doing it this time and perhaps taking off a little more if you think it would make you happier. If you're nervous about taking too much, do your usual amount, wait a week, and then do it again. You might find that just taking off an inch or so will make all the difference in the world. I've been in the too-embarrassed-to-wear-my-hair-down camp, too, but I like the length and since I rarely wear my hair down in public, have decided to hang onto the length rather than cut to BSL, have shorter hair and struggle to put it up. Also, I've never left a salon happy, or feeling pampered, so think carefully if this is something you really want or if it's want your friends want. Oh, and I'm one of those horror-trim stories (tailbone to BSL) and losing length you're not ready to part with is traumatic.

AmberJewel I agree with CrowningGlory here. I've been in the "ashamed of wearing it down" path too, and eventually chopped all the parts that bothered me, even though it took me from almost BSL to SL. But I did it myself and slowly, I started with 1cm at a time. After 3 trims I realized it wouldn't do it for me, so I faced the chop. For me, it was way more satisfying to have healthy hair sooner than to keep the ugly length.
But it's always on you and your guts. In the end, you should do what pleases you most, not what people tell you :)
It also would be good to think 10 times before doing highlights, because you can't undo it, the only way to get rid of them is waiting until they grow out. That's a path I've been too, it's a looooong one...
And well, if you have to go to the salon, getting just a treatment done probably wouldn't hurt and could make everyone more satisfied :p

lapushka
December 9th, 2017, 09:53 AM
I would suggest microtrimming. You just trim your growth off every month, or half of it, depends on what you want from it.

People wanting you to cut your hair, even offering to take you to their stylist, do not want you to cut a tiny bit off, they are usually talking and thinking, "make-over". Don't fall for it!

Just take it slowly. Trim an inch here, and maybe next month another inch, meanwhile it will have grown some too. Just take it slow. :flower:

enting
December 9th, 2017, 12:54 PM
I agree with everyone else who says to trim it yourself.
Sometimes people understand stylist loyalty, especially for hairdressers. If they're the sort to understand that, play that card, even if your "stylist" is just yourself. They don't have to know that.
What Lapushka said rings true - if they want to take you to their stylist, they're looking for a makeover. That is precisely what you don't want. For all you know, you'd walk out of there with an APL feathered mullet with bangs, or whatever strikes the stylist's fancy today (not that that's a bad style at all, I think it's fun.... but only on someone that wants it.)

ETA: If you feel that you're strong willed that day, you could agree to accompany one of them to their stylist and see how they handle your friend's hair. However, once you are there, it may be easier to strong-arm you into a cut and style you don't want, and also, just because they handle your friend's hair the way your friend likes doesn't necessarily follow that they would treat yours, a visitor, that way.

On the other hand, there just might be a possibility that they would do a wonderful job, but you need to be aware of the high chance of a bad result.

Nique1202
December 9th, 2017, 05:40 PM
Unless you know 100% that a stylist can leave long hair long and listen to instructions, do not seek professional help with your damaged ends. I'm sure your friend is well-meaning, but having just spent most of a day with my former-professional-stylist aunt with my hair down in a braid instead of up in a bun, I have been deeply, viscerally reminded of just how little most stylists know or care about long hair and the safekeeping of it. ("You should dye it. I could bleach it, do some ombre in some foils or something. And you need some long layers. All one length, it's not very flattering, it ages you." :justy: )

If you want 3-5 inches off now instead of in smaller gradual trims, take the inches off yourself. That's less than a year's growth for most people, so not *that* long to wait to regrow it in the long term, and if it makes you happier with the overall appearance of your hair, it will also reduce the calls for stylist intervention. That's a mostly-win, tiny-risk-of-a-loss situation.

spidermom
December 9th, 2017, 06:58 PM
I didn't read everything, so I'm sure it was mentioned - get a good pair of scissors and trim your hair yourself. It's pretty easy. My method was to divide my hair into two even halves, pull each half to the fronts of my shoulders, and join them together in front of my neck in a ponytail. Then I'd comb the ponytail straight down until it was nice and smooth and close a book over it. Keeping it level, I'd slide the book down until the ends I wanted to cut off were sticking out of the bottom. I'd use the book as a straight edge to cut off the ends. Easy!

Don't go to someone else's hair stylist. Often the stylist has already been told how to cut your hair. It's YOUR hair. Have it cut how you want it, or don't cut it at all. There's no rule.

Obsidian
December 9th, 2017, 07:34 PM
Is it possible to do subtle, natural looking highlights with henna? I might consider that. I don't want harsh chemicals on my hair.

No, henna will not lighten hair. All it does is add a orange/red color. If you have blonde hair, you will get orange color, if you have dark hair, you will get orange flair in the sun. You can't get highlights without some kind of bleach/lightener.

If you do decide to try the stylist, find a picture of what you want and show her exactly where you want it cut. Don't say remove the damaged ends or just a couple inches, be exact. Tell her no razor, no thinning. If you want blunt ends, make sure to emphasize that.

If you go for layers, show her exactly where you want the shortest layers to start. Make sure she knows your goal it to continue growing your hair and that keeping your length is very important.
Make sure you are facing the large mirror so you can watch what is happening and what tools the stylist is using. If you can't see what she has in her hands, ask to see it. Ask to see where she is going to cut before she cuts.

If she starts pushing you for things you do not want, get up and leave. Make sure your friend knows that if she or the stylist start pushing you for a makeover, you will simply leave. No arguing, no discussion.

enting
December 10th, 2017, 02:40 AM
snip~

If she starts pushing you for things you do not want, get up and leave. Make sure your friend knows that if she or the stylist start pushing you for a makeover, you will simply leave. No arguing, no discussion.~snip

Agree! Especially since you know how to trim your own hair you are not taking any risks here. Other people may feel forced into whatever it is because they cannot do their hair themselves and are dependent on the stylist. You are not!

PixieP
December 10th, 2017, 04:22 AM
I agree on trimming yourself. I have used spidermom's method and it's great, super easy and always a good result!

Personally I chose the chop last year. I was at almost hip, but my ends were SO thin. I ended up chopping up to almost waist, and I don't regret it for a SECOND. I'll link a picture to show the rather drastic difference it made for me. It set me back almost a year, I would have been at TBL now if I hadn't chopped. But would I have liked my hair? Now I'm at BCL with nice ends, instead of being at TBL with raggedy ends and the majority of my hair not being longer than BCL anyway.

Before:
http://i1063.photobucket.com/albums/t503/misherusedai/49CB0792-D7F1-45A9-B020-A39FB8889977_zpsxgh09dyf.jpg

After: (I had done a small trim before this, but this was the big one)
http://i1063.photobucket.com/albums/t503/misherusedai/B87B2A9A-875A-404B-A83C-76FBF8FA308F_zps6yfmuqss.jpg

Today my hair is here:
https://imgur.com/yfXm8aI

I chose health over length, and I stand by it. You have to figure out what is right for you :) But no matter what you choose, do not let an unknown stylist near your hair.

Suze
December 10th, 2017, 08:05 AM
I would, as others have said, go for self-trimming. Once their hairstylist start using her scissor and you don't like it there is now way back. Well, there is but it is going to take time. I would just self trim an either microtrim and maintain for a while until your end feel better or cut 1 inch at a time and leave some time in between cuts so you don't regret taking to much of. In my opinion, layers are probably not your best option and bleach doesn't isn't exactly good for your hair plus there is upkeep with that,mif you choose to do it. If they want to treat you to something nice and pampering go for a massage or manicure. Let them leave your hair alone.:flower:

sugar&nutmeg
December 10th, 2017, 01:04 PM
Beyond what everyone has said about micro-trimming (I agree), I think this from CrowningGlory bears highlighting:


I've never left a salon happy, or feeling pampered, so think carefully if this is something you really want or if it's want your friends want.

Many women (and men) think of a trip to the salon as 'pampering' or 'a treat'. Sounds like your friends fall into this camp, whereas you are more a self-described 'do-it-yourself-er'. It's okay. They're allowed to love the salon experience. You're allowed to...not love it, and avoid it, and decline their offer of 'a treat' graciously. And still be friends!

Personally, I hate everything about the hair salon. Even with an absolutely-trustworthy stylist (never a guarantee), I just do not enjoy being there. The salon is in no way a 'treat' for me.

About 'thinner and happier', well, they're your friends so I'll just mention generally that something can be said with 'helpful' intent, and still be a bit of a shock...and even cause hurt to the recipient. :blossom:

lapushka
December 10th, 2017, 01:40 PM
Personally, I hate everything about the hair salon. Even with an absolutely-trustworthy stylist (never a guarantee), I just do not enjoy being there. The salon is in no way a 'treat' for me.

Same here. I hate other people (strangers) putting their hands on my scalp - I cringe every time. I even am *so* intimidated by the "massages" that they tend to give you while washing the hair. I'm like WTH is that even necessary? The promo talk, the small talk (I don't mind that that much). No thanks. shudder: