Long Haired, Plus-Sized, and Beautiful!

[marvel-lover]

If there's another thread like this, please feel free to direct me there and delete this one.

Has anyone else noticed that there appears to be a stigma surrounding plus-sized ladies that extends past fashion and into all-around beauty? Like, plus-sized ladies aren't supposed to have long, beautiful hair, or be gorgeous at all? It may just be something I've noticed (or think I've noticed), but it seems to me that all of the beautiful, long, flowing locks from hair models belong to what the world might deem the "normal" sized women, or the "thinner women" (and there is absolutely nothing wrong with their bodies either, please do not get me wrong!)

So I thought maybe I'd start this thread for all of the beautiful, curvy, plus-sized long haired ladies (and gentlemen) for some support, although all ladies and gentlemen of all body shapes and sizes are more than welcome to partake in this thread.

[spidermom]

In my early days of LHC membership, some rude somebody made the comment that he or she didn't like long hair on heavy women. OMG; so much outrage. I can't imagine what would possess somebody to come to a community like this and made a comment like that.

[Dark40]

Wow, I can't someone would come on here making such comments that heavy women don't look good with long hair. That is not true. I feel that if you're heavy or plus-sized with short hair you look like a boy or a man. So, that's why I love long hair on full-figured people.

[Aredhel]

Wow, I can't someone would come on here making such comments that heavy women don't look good with long hair. That is not true. I feel that if you're heavy or plus-sized with short hair you look like a boy or a man. So, that's why I love long hair on full-figured people.

That in itself is a pretty unfair and harsh statement IMO. I think women can look great with hair at all lengths, no matter their size...

[leayellena]

oh how many comments I´ve received about my thick(er) (side of ii) (mostly) fine hair: layers for volume, you should condition only the half of your hair you know, you are fat and your face look bulky with long hair, long hair is for tall and slim women, long hair mustn´t be too thick or wurly but also not for women with flat roots, long hair weights your hair down and shows too much scalp, it doesn´t have a shape, you must look professional or pretty so you can find a man (note: I am engaged and we´ll marry next year), style your hair, you can´t go outside looking like grandma, long hair is a chore to take care of, it tangles, you sweat, you don´t need so much length anyway and it doesn´t look good on you...
etc. etc. etc. you name it...

PS: I actually compare these comments with mobbing. yeah I can say I was mobbed by everyone in my family and society.
now I don´t talk to them anymore or keep a fair distance and "professionalism"... ;)

[Beeboo123]

My mother is fifty, and fat, with long hair. Her hair is the shiniest and silkiest I have seen IRL. She’s never received any negative comments about her hair. *shrugs* Is cutting hair short when you are an older woman an Amercan thing? It certainly seems so on the Internet

[AZDesertRose]

I'm a fat woman who wasn't always fat but I was also never what one would call petite, and I personally look awful with short hair. But I know other fat people who look adorable with a pixie or other short style.

I think it has more to do with facial features than weight whether one looks better with short, medium-length, or long hair. My youngest niece, who will be 20 in a few months, is probably 5'10"/178 cm, and while she's a lot thinner than I am, she's also got the broad shoulders I likewise inherited from my grandmother/her great-grandmother. But she has very delicate facial features and can rock a pixie and look great. I couldn't wear my hair shorter than chin-length (at least not without it looking horrible) after about age eight and not shorter than shoulder length by adulthood.

And honestly, people who tell other people how to wear their hair (or clothing or makeup or whatever) in the absence of being asked are nosy busybodies whose advice isn't worth a wooden nickel, IMO. Or it at least isn't worth taking to heart.

[T0n1c]

As a wise bear once said (Winnie the Pooh) "I'm short and fat and proud of that!" :p

[girlwithsixarms]

I think that a large part of it is that people who aren't fat* (and unfortunately a lot of people who are) are conditioned to look at someone who's fat and think "That person is unhealthy" or "That person doesn't care about/take care of themselves" rather than understanding that sometimes it's just the way a person's body is. So if a fat person is stylish or has a head of long healthy hair, it either forces people to re-evaluate the way they're judging others' body types (Ha! I wish!) or they get mad because they assume that instead of caring for your long gorgeous hair, you could spend 30 minutes a day on the exercise bike and suddenly be a size 2 like you're supposed to be *eyeroll*



*I know a lot of people don't like this word, but I'm using it because I'm fat and that's how I like to refer to myself.

[Cg]

I believe everyone is entitled to an opinion. Considerate people do not offer unsolicited negative assessments, but on a forum we should expect a wide variety of viewpoints -- including from those whose personal preferences differ from our own and/or who use terminology we don't like.

Beautiful, well-groomed hair is beautiful regardless of the owner's size or shape. I've seen quite a number of plus-size models with gorgeous long hair.

[Hairkay]

Anyone can keep their hair how they please no matter what their size or shape. I recall a certain youtuber who was giving out tips on growing out your hair. She mentioned that you needed to eat right and exercise. She followed that up with a comment saying fat people can't grow hair long to try to prove her point. She got inundated with people obviously disagreeing with her statement. She then disabled the comments for that video.

[spidermom]

I agree that any length of hair can be beautiful on any body type, although of course certain styles will suit certain individuals better than other styles, but we can all have fun experimenting.

[Kikyou]

I also believe that a flattering hairstyle is more about facial features and proportions than size. Different things would work for someone more curvy or someone more cylindrical. Or long legged. Or chubby arms. Or don't listen to what others think would flatter you and wear whatever makes you feel fab :) Most people think I would look best with short hair, something between pixie and ear (similarly to my mom's hair, I took a lot after her and she does look her best with a short style), but guess what do I think of it? I'm not my mom, my features are a bit sharper, I've got 1/3 of her thickness and 1/100 of her hairstyling skills (you know, getting shorter hair in the shape you want it to be). My verdict - It would not look on me as good as it does on her. And I absolutely hate styling it (tried it in middle school). So I go for terminal :P

[Guitargod]

Whenever I remind my girlfriend not to complain about my long hair because I also had long hair when she fell in love with me she also reminds me that I was young and handsome back then - Now I'm old and fat and apparently it's not fit for me any more :)

[CindyOfTheOaks]

Whenever I remind my girlfriend not to complain about my long hair because I also had long hair when she fell in love with me she also reminds me that I was young and handsome back then - Now I'm old and fat and apparently it's not fit for me any more :)




Ha - at least you have hair.
My DH lost his through the years...and he really doesn't have an nicely shaped head :lol:

[lapushka]

What does your size have to do with the length of your hair? Not a thing.

I am not a big girl, but I do have more of an "athletic build" (my BMI is fine). I like my hair long.

People who are plus size sometimes (in the US I have the feeling), get "hounded" by their doctors to lose weight and don't get taken seriously when they have an ailment and go to the doctor just because they're big and losing the weight will "solve it all". As if. I don't think that is fair, and something like this is hard enough.

Hair compared to that doesn't mean that much, but it's equal in prejudice.

[Cg]

What does your size have to do with the length of your hair? Not a thing.

I am not a big girl, but I do have more of an "athletic build" (my BMI is fine). I like my hair long.

People who are plus size sometimes (in the US I have the feeling), get "hounded" by their doctors to lose weight and don't get taken seriously when they have an ailment and go to the doctor just because they're big and losing the weight will "solve it all". As if. I don't think that is fair, and something like this is hard enough.

Hair compared to that doesn't mean that much, but it's equal in prejudice.

I think US doctors just reflexively tell all their patients to lose weight, stop smoking, and exercise. I wouldn't say their intent is to hound anyone or discount ailments, it's more a Pavlovian response to having a patient in front of them. Besides, many physicians clearly don't follow their own advice.

[AZDesertRose]

I think US doctors just reflexively tell all their patients to lose weight, stop smoking, and exercise. I wouldn't say their intent is to hound anyone or discount ailments, it's more a Pavlovian response to having a patient in front of them. Besides, many physicians clearly don't follow their own advice.

I don't know how much experience you have with being a fat person going to the doctor, but US doctors will chalk up almost any problem in a fat person to their BMI being "too high," never mind that the BMI is a garbage metric for health. I've mostly lucked out in that I have doctors who listen to me, but a lot of US doctors don't look past "fat" as a cause for medical issues, and it causes immeasurable and sometimes fatal harm.

[Robi-Bird]

I don't know how much experience you have with being a fat person going to the doctor, but US doctors will chalk up almost any problem in a fat person to their BMI being "too high," never mind that the BMI is a garbage metric for health. I've mostly lucked out in that I have doctors who listen to me, but a lot of US doctors don't look past "fat" as a cause for medical issues, and it causes immeasurable and sometimes fatal harm.

Too true. I'm lucky to have a doctor (I am in Canada) who treats my complaints of sinus infections, etc as my ailments, vs dwelling on my weight. I have PCOS and do not tolerate most meds prescribed for weight loss or treatment so I am going to be what I am.

[sugar&nutmeg]

I've seen decades of media (print and video), and received plenty (plenty) of 'friendly advice' on 'how to look good'. Generally this involved high-maintenance changes that (far worse) would have me traveling in disguise. But correctly! Appropriately! Stylishly, d@mmit!

I understand (on many levels) the reasoning behind "The Best"...hairstyle/color, makeup, shoe-style, earring shape, skirt length, jeans silhouette, glasses frames..."For You". I get it.

And I rejected it, long ago. ymmv

ETA: So, the 'best' hairstyle / length for me, is the one I love, whether or not it best suits my face shape or features. And that mindset applies all the way across the 'best' and 'style' and 'beauty' board.

If my personal style choices offend people's eyes, they can look away--silently, for preference. Maybe everyone has an opinion, but that opinion is none of my business. ��

[*Wednesday*]

.... It may just be something I've noticed (or think I've noticed), but it seems to me that all of the beautiful, long, flowing locks from hair models belong to what the world might deem the "normal" sized women, or the "thinner women" (and there is absolutely nothing wrong with their bodies either, please do not get me wrong!) .

I love long hair on any size woman (or man). Models don't represent your everyday woman or man. Most are retouched (photoshopped) and that includes their hair. Media deceives people. I've seen a bad head of long hair on thin people. Good grooming is key.

[marvel-lover]

I think US doctors just reflexively tell all their patients to lose weight, stop smoking, and exercise. I wouldn't say their intent is to hound anyone or discount ailments, it's more a Pavlovian response to having a patient in front of them. Besides, many physicians clearly don't follow their own advice.
I agree with this. US doctors often just make assumptions to what the problem is. As a result, it take several opinions to actually figure out what's wrong. For example, I told my first doctor that I was having heart problems. They told me to stop drinking coffee and exercise, as that was clearly the problem, despite my being a competitive swimmer and not drinking much in the way of caffeine. I went through 3 doctors before they finally did an ECG on me and then I underwent heart surgery to correct what was actually a fairly bad case.

[Rushli]

I agree with this. US doctors often just make assumptions to what the problem is. As a result, it take several opinions to actually figure out what's wrong. For example, I told my first doctor that I was having heart problems. They told me to stop drinking coffee and exercise, as that was clearly the problem, despite my being a competitive swimmer and not drinking much in the way of caffeine. I went through 3 doctors before they finally did an ECG on me and then I underwent heart surgery to correct what was actually a fairly bad case.

I don't have an experience that extreme, but I had a doctor blame my weight on my sleep issues. I'm not just talking a little insomnia, I'm talking not sleeping for 2 or 3 days. Other days I could sleep then woke up at 2am and couldn't fall back to sleep. I went through several doctors before I got a sleep study, which was just on the path towards me trying to get them to check my hormones. Which only made sense to do because of family history and a PAST PRESCRIPTION THAT WORKED. I lived no where near the doctor who gave me the prescription or I would have gone back to them when I started having issues again. The new ones diagnosed me with depression. From there it was changed to anxiety. The anxiety meds actually helped, but I am certain that hormones caused the anxiety. I got pregnant a few months after finding the right dose (after trying for over a year) and then was perfectly fine after giving birth. I've struggled off an on throughout having 3 more kids and all those fluctuating hormones. Currently the right amount of exercise keeps it at bay.

Personally, I think weight itself is not always the issue, but the actual food we consume is. Myself, husband and mom have had various major health issues all solved by switching to eating whole foods. Loosing weight helps our bodies in various ways, but the main health issue was not weight related. In my case, I'm still very obese but have control of my health. (I'm loosing veeeery slowly)

As far as the hair issue, I've never had anyone say anything negative about my hair. Currently the worst is, "your hair is so long!" Statements without compliments definitely don't come across as compliments.

[akurah]

I don't have an experience that extreme, but I had a doctor blame my weight on my sleep issues. I'm not just talking a little insomnia, I'm talking not sleeping for 2 or 3 days. Other days I could sleep then woke up at 2am and couldn't fall back to sleep. I went through several doctors before I got a sleep study, which was just on the path towards me trying to get them to check my hormones. Which only made sense to do because of family history and a PAST PRESCRIPTION THAT WORKED. I lived no where near the doctor who gave me the prescription or I would have gone back to them when I started having issues again. The new ones diagnosed me with depression. From there it was changed to anxiety. The anxiety meds actually helped, but I am certain that hormones caused the anxiety. I got pregnant a few months after finding the right dose (after trying for over a year) and then was perfectly fine after giving birth. I've struggled off an on throughout having 3 more kids and all those fluctuating hormones. Currently the right amount of exercise keeps it at bay.

Personally, I think weight itself is not always the issue, but the actual food we consume is. Myself, husband and mom have had various major health issues all solved by switching to eating whole foods. Loosing weight helps our bodies in various ways, but the main health issue was not weight related. In my case, I'm still very obese but have control of my health. (I'm loosing veeeery slowly)

As far as the hair issue, I've never had anyone say anything negative about my hair. Currently the worst is, "your hair is so long!" Statements without compliments definitely don't come across as compliments.

Not to defend your doctor's dismissiveness, but insomnia does cause weight gain. But the solution is to actually treat the insomnia and/or cause of the insomnia, and if that doesn't solve the weight, if the patient *wants* to address the weight, then do so.

I think weight is definitely hormonal and neurotransmitter related. My weight didn't finally start to come off until I got on the right medication for another medical condition I have. I was extraordinarily lucky and was not really hounded to lose weight by doctors, but I also did not see doctors regularly because of lack of insurance. I did get crap from others sometimes though.

I really dislike people who judge others on weight. Despite being a believer in "calories in, calories out" (as opposed to food types), I also think that the caloric values are not the same across all people because our base metabolic rates are not the same. I also believe that we don't have accurate calorie counts of foods, which is why I think the type of food eating that others believe work too. Someone who eats what I do could easily be morbidly obese through no fault of their own because their metabolism is slower. Likewise someone who eats like I do could be a twig. Plus, working out enough to maintain a certain level of weight is time consuming, and frankly, in some cases, not worth it because there are more important things to do. If I had my druthers, I'd work out daily an hour a day because I love working out, but right now, school and work are more important, and the reality is I may gain weight from it.

[Corvana]

Heh I've been told that I shouldn't wear the glasses I do because the frames are "too big and bulky" for my face. For a loooooooooooooong time I would've cared and listened to that advice, including several years earlier when I got my first glasses and chose smaller frames because they'd "look better" or whatever.

WELL now I'm just like "too bad, so sad, I like these big ol glasses and think I look cute in them. And who matters the most when it comes to thinking I look cute? ME! So shove it."

I'm trying to take the same approach to everything. It's easier with clothes and hair and such than it is with things I do (like art). But I'm working on it anyway.

[alimc]

I also like to remember that peoples’ rude, outspoken comments on appearance is generally more about them than it is about me. It’s allowing an insight into their prejudices and personal beliefs. AND its allowing you to see how rude they are...

i personally love to see folks not following the croud, it shows personality, individuality and character (in my humble opinion).

Anyhoos, as long as you like your look, and it makes you feel good, then screw what the haters think... :heartbeat

[lapushka]

I agree with this. US doctors often just make assumptions to what the problem is. As a result, it take several opinions to actually figure out what's wrong. For example, I told my first doctor that I was having heart problems. They told me to stop drinking coffee and exercise, as that was clearly the problem, despite my being a competitive swimmer and not drinking much in the way of caffeine. I went through 3 doctors before they finally did an ECG on me and then I underwent heart surgery to correct what was actually a fairly bad case.

Oh God! That's terrible. Talk about taking someone seriously!

[school of fish]

I've seen decades of media (print and video), and received plenty (plenty) of 'friendly advice' on 'how to look good'. Generally this involved high-maintenance changes that (far worse) would have me traveling in disguise. But correctly! Appropriately! Stylishly, d@mmit!

I understand (on many levels) the reasoning behind "The Best"...hairstyle/color, makeup, shoe-style, earring shape, skirt length, jeans silhouette, glasses frames..."For You". I get it.

And I rejected it, long ago. ymmv

ETA: So, the 'best' hairstyle / length for me, is the one I love, whether or not it best suits my face shape or features. And that mindset applies all the way across the 'best' and 'style' and 'beauty' board.

If my personal style choices offend people's eyes, they can look away--silently, for preference. Maybe everyone has an opinion, but that opinion is none of my business. ��

I love this post :) It reveals a type of quiet resolve of personality and non-confrontational self-assurance that I most identify with ;)

[melesine]

My mother is fifty, and fat, with long hair. Her hair is the shiniest and silkiest I have seen IRL. She’s never received any negative comments about her hair. *shrugs* Is cutting hair short when you are an older woman an Amercan thing? It certainly seems so on the Internet

Yes, in the US it's almost expected that anyone over a certain age is going to cut their hair short. Otherwise people say, "you're trying to look younger". "You're trying too hard", " it ages you" ect ect. It's funny because the comments often contradict each other as to what long hair supposedly does. We still live in a culture with a lot of pressure for people to conform to gender norms and age norms. It's really sad when anyone feels they need to live by someone elses rules.

[AspenSong]

I agree with this. US doctors often just make assumptions to what the problem is. As a result, it take several opinions to actually figure out what's wrong. For example, I told my first doctor that I was having heart problems. They told me to stop drinking coffee and exercise, as that was clearly the problem, despite my being a competitive swimmer and not drinking much in the way of caffeine. I went through 3 doctors before they finally did an ECG on me and then I underwent heart surgery to correct what was actually a fairly bad case.

Glad you finally got someone to listen to you! *hugs*
I've gone through the same thing, being an overweight person. Now, I fully know that I have health things that are probably linked back to being overweight. But, I've had a lot of instances where something non-related to that directly, was overlooked or never helped because they won't listen to me. It's even been insinuated I can't be trusted because I'm fat. I had what ended up being a Cricopharyngeal spasm in my throat, that I kept going and trying to figure out what was going on with....they stuck me on steroids because it could be some infection that my weight was making worse. That obviously did nothing and no matter how many times I went and talked to them, they would not check into it more or help. In the end, I figured out what was going on and got it taken care of. Same situation when I went in after I'd cut my finger so badly I needed stitches, I had a panic attack....they told me it wasn't that, I was too overweight and my heart was going to "burst" before I got to my car. Awesome thing to tell someone in the midst of a panic/anxiety attack. lol. Never could get help with that, just a lot of "You're fat" talk and no help. I've learned to deal with it since.

All that being said, back to the OP....I do feel like there's a stigma with plus sized people being able to be considered beautiful, etc. I definitely feel like that at times when I go shopping for clothes. Like seems like 80% of the options I have, are sacks. lol. Or look like something my MIL wears. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but good luck finding options for things like good quality leggings in fun prints or cute tunics that are actually long enough, etc. And I know I definitely get that when I go somewhere like Sally or Ulta for makeup or something. Not every time, but over half the time I'll get an attitude like they don't see why I'm bothering. I hope to not stay this heavy a lot longer, but I have been like this off and on for a lot of my life and it sucks. That attitude all the time has made me not believe a lot of the time I'm worth the pretty things or that there's any way I can look nice or be beautiful. And sadly that sucks into my self esteem so that I have none and feeds my eating issues and therefore weight. =/

[marvel-lover]

Glad you finally got someone to listen to you! *hugs*
I've gone through the same thing, being an overweight person. Now, I fully know that I have health things that are probably linked back to being overweight. But, I've had a lot of instances where something non-related to that directly, was overlooked or never helped because they won't listen to me. It's even been insinuated I can't be trusted because I'm fat. I had what ended up being a Cricopharyngeal spasm in my throat, that I kept going and trying to figure out what was going on with....they stuck me on steroids because it could be some infection that my weight was making worse. That obviously did nothing and no matter how many times I went and talked to them, they would not check into it more or help. In the end, I figured out what was going on and got it taken care of. Same situation when I went in after I'd cut my finger so badly I needed stitches, I had a panic attack....they told me it wasn't that, I was too overweight and my heart was going to "burst" before I got to my car. Awesome thing to tell someone in the midst of a panic/anxiety attack. lol. Never could get help with that, just a lot of "You're fat" talk and no help. I've learned to deal with it since.

All that being said, back to the OP....I do feel like there's a stigma with plus sized people being able to be considered beautiful, etc. I definitely feel like that at times when I go shopping for clothes. Like seems like 80% of the options I have, are sacks. lol. Or look like something my MIL wears. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but good luck finding options for things like good quality leggings in fun prints or cute tunics that are actually long enough, etc. And I know I definitely get that when I go somewhere like Sally or Ulta for makeup or something. Not every time, but over half the time I'll get an attitude like they don't see why I'm bothering. I hope to not stay this heavy a lot longer, but I have been like this off and on for a lot of my life and it sucks. That attitude all the time has made me not believe a lot of the time I'm worth the pretty things or that there's any way I can look nice or be beautiful. And sadly that sucks into my self esteem so that I have none and feeds my eating issues and therefore weight. =/
Oh my god! How can a doctor tell a patient in a panic attack something as horrible as that! I'm so sorry!

[martyna_22]

Not to defend your doctor's dismissiveness, but insomnia does cause weight gain. But the solution is to actually treat the insomnia and/or cause of the insomnia, and if that doesn't solve the weight, if the patient *wants* to address the weight, then do so.

I think weight is definitely hormonal and neurotransmitter related. My weight didn't finally start to come off until I got on the right medication for another medical condition I have. I was extraordinarily lucky and was not really hounded to lose weight by doctors, but I also did not see doctors regularly because of lack of insurance. I did get crap from others sometimes though.

I really dislike people who judge others on weight. Despite being a believer in "calories in, calories out" (as opposed to food types), I also think that the caloric values are not the same across all people because our base metabolic rates are not the same. I also believe that we don't have accurate calorie counts of foods, which is why I think the type of food eating that others believe work too. Someone who eats what I do could easily be morbidly obese through no fault of their own because their metabolism is slower. Likewise someone who eats like I do could be a twig. Plus, working out enough to maintain a certain level of weight is time consuming, and frankly, in some cases, not worth it because there are more important things to do. If I had my druthers, I'd work out daily an hour a day because I love working out, but right now, school and work are more important, and the reality is I may gain weight from it.

You're absolutely right. It's all about metabolism, and it can be altered in a number of ways. When you don't get enough sleep, your body starts to release more cortisol. It's called a stress hormone, which is halfway right - without it we wouldn't be able to live, but too much of it produced - aka. prolonged stress/lack of sleep - the more weight you gain.

[Dark40]

That in itself is a pretty unfair and harsh statement IMO. I think women can look great with hair at all lengths, no matter their size...

Yeah, you're right. I do like some women with short hair. But not all women look good with it.

[Cg]

Returning to the subject of this thread, if you look at https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/10/best-plus-size-models-photos_n_3416449.html you will note that 7 out of 10 of these models have hair longer than shoulder length. I think that shows people do in fact appreciate the beauty of flowing tresses in any model size.

[lapushka]

Yeah, you're right. I do like some women with short hair. But not all women look good with it.

I don't look that good with it. About chin length? Yes, for sure, but shorter... IDK, it becomes difficult.

[AZDesertRose]

Yeah, you're right. I do like some women with short hair. But not all women look good with it.

I'm one of the ones who doesn't look good (or "like myself" to my own eyes) with my hair much shorter than shoulder length. My facial features are large and bold, and I have high contrast coloring; my looks are just not "delicate" enough for short hair.

My youngest niece, on the other hand, looks absolutely as cute as she can be with a pixie cut. But she is much more finely drawn than I am. ;)

[Robi-Bird]

I had my hair short more than I've had it long. Grew it for three years from 15 to 18, and again over the last six years, 26-32. I found my hair short made me look older, but since I have a baby face that's not a bad thing. The reality is, however that I have my hair long because I like my hair long. I look older with it bunned, younger with it down, and if someone doesn't think it looks good on me for any reason, because I'm fat or short, or anything else, I doesn't matter to me since my hair is long FOR me. Not for them.

[Rushli]

Not to defend your doctor's dismissiveness, but insomnia does cause weight gain. But the solution is to actually treat the insomnia and/or cause of the insomnia, and if that doesn't solve the weight, if the patient *wants* to address the weight, then do so.

I think weight is definitely hormonal and neurotransmitter related. My weight didn't finally start to come off until I got on the right medication for another medical condition I have. I was extraordinarily lucky and was not really hounded to lose weight by doctors, but I also did not see doctors regularly because of lack of insurance. I did get crap from others sometimes though.

I really dislike people who judge others on weight. Despite being a believer in "calories in, calories out" (as opposed to food types), I also think that the caloric values are not the same across all people because our base metabolic rates are not the same. I also believe that we don't have accurate calorie counts of foods, which is why I think the type of food eating that others believe work too. Someone who eats what I do could easily be morbidly obese through no fault of their own because their metabolism is slower. Likewise someone who eats like I do could be a twig. Plus, working out enough to maintain a certain level of weight is time consuming, and frankly, in some cases, not worth it because there are more important things to do. If I had my druthers, I'd work out daily an hour a day because I love working out, but right now, school and work are more important, and the reality is I may gain weight from it.

I told her that too! I did not gain weight until I had sleep issues. I was fine before it started. We talked about what I ate, how often I worked out and she thought I was not doing enough. She did not understand that the weeks I did not workout and that we ate out more frequently were the weeks that I was getting only a couple hours of sleep a night. I did gain a lot of unhealthy eating habits through this time that I can not blame sleep except if you go the 'no sleep = anxiety = poor coping choices based around eating' route. lol.

[Robot Ninja]

All that being said, back to the OP....I do feel like there's a stigma with plus sized people being able to be considered beautiful, etc.

^^^This. Plus sized women are expected to go hide in a sack, not draw attention to themselves by having long hair. I think it's somewhat related to the idea that you should cut your hair after a certain age; older women are also supposed to be invisible. Only young, thin, conventionally pretty women are allowed to care about their appearance and do conventionally feminine things like have long hair, everybody else just gets to get crap for failing to live up to that ideal.

[melesine]

Returning to the subject of this thread, if you look at https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/10/best-plus-size-models-photos_n_3416449.html you will note that 7 out of 10 of these models have hair longer than shoulder length. I think that shows people do in fact appreciate the beauty of flowing tresses in any model size.

I'd guess that most of us here don't consider shoulder length long hair. To me that's not even in the range of medium length.

[Cg]

I'd guess that most of us here don't consider shoulder length long hair. To me that's not even in the range of medium length.

Well of course we don't, but most of the rest of the English-speaking world does.

[Beeboo123]

I'd guess that most of us here don't consider shoulder length long hair. To me that's not even in the range of medium length.

But it’s not easy for models to have long hair (I consider hair past classic length to be long). Their hair is styled with horrible hot tools, teased and hairsprayed to oblivion. Models aren’t a good sample to consider.

[Dark40]

I don't look that good with it. About chin length? Yes, for sure, but shorter... IDK, it becomes difficult.

I also don't look good with it either. I don't even look good with chin length hair anymore with my wide face frame....Yes, shorter for sure does become more difficult.

[Dark40]

I'm one of the ones who doesn't look good (or "like myself" to my own eyes) with my hair much shorter than shoulder length. My facial features are large and bold, and I have high contrast coloring; my looks are just not "delicate" enough for short hair.

My youngest niece, on the other hand, looks absolutely as cute as she can be with a pixie cut. But she is much more finely drawn than I am. ;)

No, I also don't look good with short hair either shorter than shoulder length. Yeah, my facial features are also wide/large too. Now, my mom has a skinnier face than me. She looks adorable with short hair. Or, a pixie haircut.

[sugar&nutmeg]

I am an old lady with (working on being) long (again) silvering hair. I dress as I like, which is quite different from almost all the women my age, where I live. For me, that means longer (knee or below), flow-y skirts, knit tops, woolen hand-knits (especially wraps and colorful socks), sort of Boho meets 2nd grade :o Nobody has said anything negative within my hearing about my look. And it wouldn't matter if they did. Except I'd be sure to avoid them in future.

The young women (including relatives) of my acquaintance who are plus-size dress pretty much exactly the same as their smaller peers. They choose form-fitting clothing, skirts of whatever length they prefer, bright colors and prints. They follow the trends in fashion that speak to them. They wear beautiful makeup, and some have long gorgeous hair. They appear quite self-accepting and have lots of friends of various shapes and sizes, who seem to accept and love them.

So I'm not sure what to make of the idea that only slim, young, pretty women are "allowed" to care about their appearance. Who says? Who's stopping anyone?

If rude people, for whom we can therefore have no respect, make snarky remarks, well...who cares? We don't like them, or want to be like them, right? Why care about their unsolicited and narrow-minded comments? Feel sorry for them, instead, and/or ignore them! You be you.

[lapushka]

I am an old lady with (working on being) long (again) silvering hair. I dress as I like, which is quite different from almost all the women my age, where I live. For me, that means longer (knee or below), flow-y skirts, knit tops, woolen hand-knits (especially wraps and colorful socks), sort of Boho meets 2nd grade :o Nobody has said anything negative within my hearing about my look. And it wouldn't matter if they did. Except I'd be sure to avoid them in future.

The young women (including relatives) of my acquaintance who are plus-size dress pretty much exactly the same as their smaller peers. They choose form-fitting clothing, skirts of whatever length they prefer, bright colors and prints. They follow the trends in fashion that speak to them. They wear beautiful makeup, and some have long gorgeous hair. They appear quite self-accepting and have lots of friends of various shapes and sizes, who seem to accept and love them.

So I'm not sure what to make of the idea that only slim, young, pretty women are "allowed" to care about their appearance. Who says? Who's stopping anyone?

If rude people, for whom we can therefore have no respect, make snarky remarks, well...who cares? We don't like them, or want to be like them, right? Why care about their unsolicited and narrow-minded comments? Feel sorry for them, instead, and/or ignore them! You be you.

Exactly. You do you! :thumbsup:

[ReptilianFeline]

I'm not plus size.... I'm petite fat.

Let me explain. Before I put on weight (trying to figure out what's wrong with me now, but lack of proper sleep is definatly a factor), I was short and curvy and the sizes that fit me the best were the D sizes (in Europe) and that is petite. With weight on, my frame is still the same - the lenght of my arms, the lenght of my legs, the fact I have a waist and a big bossum. I am about 20 cm shorter thsan the average plus size woman. A plus size blouse won't fit me.... the arms will be too long, the shoulders too wide and I won't be able to button it over my big gazongas. Boots won't fit me beacause I ride my bike everywhere so I have proper muscled calves, but shorter, so the place where the boots are the slimmest end up where I have my calves, and the top edge end up inside my knee.

So... onto hair. I love my hair and I want it long. I'm not beautiful, never saw myself that way even as a kid, and I don't even think of myself as pretty, but my hair is nice and long, but at the moment thin from heavy shedding that I'm trying to get a handle on. I love long hair - my mother used to have it, my two female cousins have it, my father's mother had BSL hair even when she was old and frail. Long hair makes you pretty no matter what size you are. I think an afro the size of a 70tis disco ball is wonderful and bouncy.
I hate when people with long hair cuts it because they get older or their work forces them to do it. A bun is so much easier to make than a good looking short style... and it is never in the way except for when you need to wear a helmet.

It doesn't matter what size you are. If your hair makes you happy, people will notice your happiness and think that you're pretty too.

Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

[calmyogi]

If you have what I think is beautiful hair your going to get my attention whether your fat or skinny. What is fat anyways? To me fat is relative to the viewers point of view.

[Wildcat Diva]

^^^What is fat? To me, as a fat person, fat is adipose tissue and extra pounds that make me unhealthier than I would be otherwise, and shortens my life span. Also loosens my skin: displacement to where when I do lose the weight, skin will sag. That’s facts. I’m not going to hate on myself over it. I can do something about it every day if I want to. Or not. I consider that my decisions will affect me, and likely, those I love and eventually, those I would serve in my vocation (at some point). I can be responsible for that.

This all certainly has nothing to do with the length of my hair or my enjoyment of it.

[lapushka]

I'm not plus size.... I'm petite fat.

Let me explain. Before I put on weight (trying to figure out what's wrong with me now, but lack of proper sleep is definatly a factor), I was short and curvy and the sizes that fit me the best were the D sizes (in Europe) and that is petite. With weight on, my frame is still the same - the lenght of my arms, the lenght of my legs, the fact I have a waist and a big bossum. I am about 20 cm shorter thsan the average plus size woman. A plus size blouse won't fit me.... the arms will be too long, the shoulders too wide and I won't be able to button it over my big gazongas. Boots won't fit me beacause I ride my bike everywhere so I have proper muscled calves, but shorter, so the place where the boots are the slimmest end up where I have my calves, and the top edge end up inside my knee.

So... onto hair. I love my hair and I want it long. I'm not beautiful, never saw myself that way even as a kid, and I don't even think of myself as pretty, but my hair is nice and long, but at the moment thin from heavy shedding that I'm trying to get a handle on. I love long hair - my mother used to have it, my two female cousins have it, my father's mother had BSL hair even when she was old and frail. Long hair makes you pretty no matter what size you are. I think an afro the size of a 70tis disco ball is wonderful and bouncy.
I hate when people with long hair cuts it because they get older or their work forces them to do it. A bun is so much easier to make than a good looking short style... and it is never in the way except for when you need to wear a helmet.

It doesn't matter what size you are. If your hair makes you happy, people will notice your happiness and think that you're pretty too.

Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

I'm in the EU, and I for the life of me don't know what "D sizes" are. I only know the number system 36/38/40/42/44 (44 is often considered plus size). In a lot of stores they go to 42 and then have plus size days where it's starting from size 44.

[ReptilianFeline]

I'm in the EU, and I for the life of me don't know what "D sizes" are. I only know the number system 36/38/40/42/44 (44 is often considered plus size). In a lot of stores they go to 42 and then have plus size days where it's starting from size 44.

I might have got it mixed up. It might have been a local thing in one shop trying to differentiate between sizes online.

[marvel-lover]

I'm in the EU, and I for the life of me don't know what "D sizes" are. I only know the number system 36/38/40/42/44 (44 is often considered plus size). In a lot of stores they go to 42 and then have plus size days where it's starting from size 44.

That's interesting. In America, we use extra small/small/medium/large/extra large for women's tops, and women's pants and dresses are usually like 2/4/6/8/10/12/14/16/18/20. Anything extra large and up, and 14 and up is typically considered plus sized.

Which is strange, because I'm definitely plus sized, but people equate plus-sized to always mean "fat". I don't think I would quite classify myself as "fat" (there's nothing wrong with being "fat" either, don't get me wrong). I have very wide hips, thicker thighs (with some fat, yes, but muscle too), a large bottom and large breasts. I'd say I'm more curvy than anything, which makes plus-sized clothes work best for my body. I suppose some people might consider me "fat" but as Calmyogi said, it's a relative term.

[Wildcat Diva]

14 and up is NOT considered plus sized in America. I wear a size 16 pants, which is considered XL, but not plus. On the top, probably 14/16, often I wear L or XL. Big enough to be considered “obese” at my height, but not plus sized.

[marvel-lover]

14 and up is NOT considered plus sized in America. I wear a size 16 pants, which is considered XL, but not plus. On the top, probably 14/16, often I wear L or XL. Big enough to be considered “obese” at my height, but not plus sized.
Okay, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you with my misinformation!

[melesine]

14 and up is NOT considered plus sized in America. I wear a size 16 pants, which is considered XL, but not plus. On the top, probably 14/16, often I wear L or XL. Big enough to be considered “obese” at my height, but not plus sized.

Stores like Avenue, Torrid and Lane Bryant in the US generally start at 14 ( although Torrid starts at size 10). Although I'll grant you that 14 and 16 are often sold at stores that don't specialize in larger sizes.

[lapushka]

I might have got it mixed up. It might have been a local thing in one shop trying to differentiate between sizes online.

Oh, OK! Could be. :flower:


That's interesting. In America, we use extra small/small/medium/large/extra large for women's tops, and women's pants and dresses are usually like 2/4/6/8/10/12/14/16/18/20. Anything extra large and up, and 14 and up is typically considered plus sized.

Which is strange, because I'm definitely plus sized, but people equate plus-sized to always mean "fat". I don't think I would quite classify myself as "fat" (there's nothing wrong with being "fat" either, don't get me wrong). I have very wide hips, thicker thighs (with some fat, yes, but muscle too), a large bottom and large breasts. I'd say I'm more curvy than anything, which makes plus-sized clothes work best for my body. I suppose some people might consider me "fat" but as Calmyogi said, it's a relative term.

Yes, here sometimes the sizes are also marked with S/M/L/(XL) Most times XL is excluded even. I go by what I see around me in most stores (Aldi, Lidl, Bristol)

You can definitely have an athletic build. I'm just beneath the plus sizing, at size 42, that would be 12 or 14 in the US, I think. I'm not sure.

I have very wide hips too, wide bones. It's always been like that. Childbearing hips, you know. :rolleyes:

From what I see in your avatar, you're about my build. I wouldn't consider that "fat" at all! At all!

[Wildcat Diva]

Okay, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you with my misinformation!

No problem. Totally not offended at all.


Stores like Avenue, Torrid and Lane Bryant in the US generally start at 14 ( although Torrid starts at size 10). Although I'll grant you that 14 and 16 are often sold at stores that don't specialize in larger sizes.

I suppose it does depend who is being asked. Let’s say I walk into any store I know that I can buy clothes. Do I head for the regular ladies clothes or the plus size? Without exception, where I shop anyways, it’s the normal women’s department. Not the junior’s, not the plus size.

[marvel-lover]

Oh, OK! Could be. :flower:



Yes, here sometimes the sizes are also marked with S/M/L/(XL) Most times XL is excluded even. I go by what I see around me in most stores (Aldi, Lidl, Bristol)

You can definitely have an athletic build. I'm just beneath the plus sizing, at size 42, that would be 12 or 14 in the US, I think. I'm not sure.

I have very wide hips too, wide bones. It's always been like that. Childbearing hips, you know. :rolleyes:

From what I see in your avatar, you're about my build. I wouldn't consider that "fat" at all! At all!

Lapushka, you are just the sweetest!!

[lapushka]

Lapushka, you are just the sweetest!!

Well it's what I think! :) :flower: I'm 5'7 and weigh about 60-63kg and my figure is a lot like yours. I go by what I see. I would call that a strong powerful athletic build. Not that I'm tooting my own horn here. ;) :p

[ReptilianFeline]

Sizes are so deceptive... one skirt fits just fine, the other doesn't, and they are both size 42.

As for hair lenght.... I'm BCL, but my hair on someone taller might just be waist lenght.

I want to keep my hair long for as long as I possibly can, and when I can't I won't let them cut it shorter than bra-strap.

[Robot Ninja]

14 and up is NOT considered plus sized in America. I wear a size 16 pants, which is considered XL, but not plus. On the top, probably 14/16, often I wear L or XL. Big enough to be considered “obese” at my height, but not plus sized.

It depends on the store and the brand, and there's some overlap between the bigger straight sizes and the smaller plus sizes. Some stores go up to XXXL in their regular lines and don't have "plus sizes." As with all women's clothing sizing, it's kind of arbitrary.

[Suze]

I got told by a hairdresser once when I was trying to grow my hair out I shouldn't. I should wear it short because I was overweight and long(er) hair made me look 'slow'. Other than that I never really got comments about it. Oh, and yeah I went back to that same hairdresser to get my hair cut into a pixie a few weeks later when my grandma had just died and I didn't know what to do with myself, plus my mom told me to get a haircut before the funeral.

But to stay on topic, I sometimes really don't get why people feel the need to critisize so much and use these generalisations on top of that. Why? Only thing I can think about (and this is not my opinion at all) is that long hair care must take up loads of times right? Well if only one would spend that time on their health and go to the gym. It's the same comments I got while I was playing saxophone and trumpet in a band and people would not understand why I could commit to practising not one but two instruments at the same time but not spend that time and dedication to loose weight. Or when a singer on The Voice or other program is overweight and gets comments like that. Maybe it is just that in this case long hair makes a person stand out/ defer from the norm and people feel like it is their right to start critisizing?

[lapushka]

I got told by a hairdresser once when I was trying to grow my hair out I shouldn't. I should wear it short because I was overweight and long(er) hair made me look 'slow'. Other than that I never really got comments about it. Oh, and yeah I went back to that same hairdresser to get my hair cut into a pixie a few weeks later when my grandma had just died and I didn't know what to do with myself, plus my mom told me to get a haircut before the funeral.

That's just plain nasty of that hairdresser. Just so she could make a quicker buck keeping your hair short? I mean my mind goes there like *that*. It's just so she could make money off of you, don't think anything else! Oh I'm sorry, and sad you even went back to her. Still, everything's easier said in hindsight, isn't it? I'm still almost angry that you got stuck with that person and that you let her do your hair!


But to stay on topic, I sometimes really don't get why people feel the need to critisize so much and use these generalisations on top of that. Why? Only thing I can think about (and this is not my opinion at all) is that long hair care must take up loads of times right? Well if only one would spend that time on their health and go to the gym. It's the same comments I got while I was playing saxophone and trumpet in a band and people would not understand why I could commit to practising not one but two instruments at the same time but not spend that time and dedication to loose weight. Or when a singer on The Voice or other program is overweight and gets comments like that. Maybe it is just that in this case long hair makes a person stand out/ defer from the norm and people feel like it is their right to start critisizing?

You're right, it all depends person to person. And BMI doesn't tell all, either.

I have 2 aunts that struggled with their weight all their lives, and they're not doing too bad but they still are a little "bigger" than me or certainly my mom (who is a EU size 36-38 and is absolutely tiny in posture at almost 72, she has the smallest shoulders you ever did see).

[Kake]

She said long hair makes you look slow! That's all kinds of hideous. I can't even begin to understand how a professional person could treat her customers like that. Suze I'm appalled on your behalf. I hope you only went back to her that one more time.

[Suze]

That's just plain nasty of that hairdresser. Just so she could make a quicker buck keeping your hair short? I mean my mind goes there like *that*. It's just so she could make money off of you, don't think anything else! Oh I'm sorry, and sad you even went back to her. Still, everything's easier said in hindsight, isn't it? I'm still almost angry that you got stuck with that person and that you let her do your hair!



You're right, it all depends person to person. And BMI doesn't tell all, either.

I have 2 aunts that struggled with their weight all their lives, and they're not doing too bad but they still are a little "bigger" than me or certainly my mom (who is a EU size 36-38 and is absolutely tiny in posture at almost 72, she has the smallest shoulders you ever did see).

This was years back. This topic just made me think about that. At the first appointment when she told me that I got it pretty short (bob length) and felt horrible but then I got so many compliments. Mostly about how it made me look a bit sporty, so I thought she was right. Then when my grandma died I was in a really bad place and needed to act out and went back again. Trust me I had below zero self confidence at that point and was teased with my hair while growing up. I wasn't even angry more annoyed that no one had told me the truth before. I have changed so much since then, luckily.


She said long hair makes you look slow! That's all kinds of hideous. I can't even begin to understand how a professional person could treat her customers like that. Suze I'm appalled on your behalf. I hope you only went back to her that one more time.
I went back to her lots and lots of time, thought she was doing me a favour or something. I know that's bad but in way she made me feel good about myself then even though I didn't like my hair like that at all! I know that sounds really weird.

[Suze]

double post, sorry

[lapushka]

This was years back. This topic just made me think about that. At the first appointment when she told me that I got it pretty short (bob length) and felt horrible but then I got so many compliments. Mostly about how it made me look a bit sporty, so I thought she was right. Then when my grandma died I was in a really bad place and needed to act out and went back again. Trust me I had below zero self confidence at that point and was teased with my hair while growing up. I wasn't even angry more annoyed that no one had told me the truth before. I have changed so much since then, luckily.

That is a sad story, and especially after a big event like your grandma dying. :( Thank goodness you changed a lot, Suze. We live, we learn, right? :)

[Kake]

This was years back. This topic just made me think about that. At the first appointment when she told me that I got it pretty short (bob length) and felt horrible but then I got so many compliments. Mostly about how it made me look a bit sporty, so I thought she was right. Then when my grandma died I was in a really bad place and needed to act out and went back again. Trust me I had below zero self confidence at that point and was teased with my hair while growing up. I wasn't even angry more annoyed that no one had told me the truth before. I have changed so much since then, luckily.


I went back to her lots and lots of time, thought she was doing me a favour or something. I know that's bad but in way she made me feel good about myself then even though I didn't like my hair like that at all! I know that sounds really weird.

Seriously, it makes her sound like a master manipulator. Sinister even. Glad you're not her customer any more. :blossom:

[Wildcat Diva]

It depends on the store and the brand, and there's some overlap between the bigger straight sizes and the smaller plus sizes. Some stores go up to XXXL in their regular lines and don't have "plus sizes." As with all women's clothing sizing, it's kind of arbitrary.

This initial comment that I responded to was based on an assumption of American stores. Assuming just a normal store, not speciality, it absolutely does not vary, without exception, in the fourth largest city in this country. I can walk into any major store, as a size 16, and the size sixteens are not “plus size.” Not Dillard’s, Macy’s, JC Penney’s, Walmart, Academy, Target, etc.

Size 14 is not considered plus size in America unless you are in some speciality store, I assert.

[Beeboo123]

She said long hair makes you look slow! That's all kinds of hideous. I can't even begin to understand how a professional person could treat her customers like that. Suze I'm appalled on your behalf. I hope you only went back to her that one more time.

Is my English just bad? I don’t understand how long hair can make one look slow? What has hair got to do with speed?

[AZDesertRose]

Is my English just bad? I don’t understand how long hair can make one look slow? What has hair got to do with speed?

I think it might mean something along the lines of "slow on the uptake," aka "not very intelligent/not very quick to understand things." It's not a nice thing to say, either. It's awfully rude and nasty, at least in my part of the world (southern USA).

[Wildcat Diva]

Is my English just bad? I don’t understand how long hair can make one look slow? What has hair got to do with speed?


It’s all about the wind resistance or lack thereof.


Just kidding, see other posters above.

[Cg]

Yes, I believe she meant slow-witted. And yes, it's a stunningly unkind remark, on many levels.

[Beeboo123]

What the *?! That’s just awful, and so so wrong.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

"Slow" can mean a person who is stupid, not smart, not intelligent and is not a nice thing to say. Of course, if referring to speed, it's fine.

[Suze]

Yes, that comment was all sorts of hideous and stayed with me for a long long time. In combination with being plus sized at that time I just felt horrible about myself and it really showed because people treated me like crap and I basicly let them.

I think long hair is beautiful, to me it doesn't matter if one is short or tall, skinny or big(ger), male or female. As long as the hair is taken care of, I love seeing it. :o