Conditioned to hate your hair?

[Andthetalltrees]

Up until a few years ago I honestly didn't know what frizz meant, I knew people explained their hair as being 'frizzy' but I never could comprehend what it meant. Always assumed I just didn't have it since I couldn't figure out what it meant so thus it must not have effected me. Finally clicked and then I realized "oh wait, I DO have lots of frizz sometimes", and I've not known how to feel about it since. In some way I really don't care but I feel like I should? If I was oblivious to it still I wouldn't care at all, But since being told that it's 'bad' in a way it now bothers me. Also not trimming for years was just how it was to me, I knew nothing different I never got trims until I wanted it shorter. "thin" ends were something that never bothered me, I don't even think I processed how my ends even looked. But now hanging around hair places and listening to people, again I feel self conscious about how it looks now when I probably wouldn't have. I've never hated my hair colour enough to want to change it, but I often heard people say how it was bad to have dark blonde hair so I thought it was expected for me.

It's weird, I know the sentiment of "Don't listen to other people and you do you" but it really seems like there's a consensus and when you're coming from a place of ignorance than acceptance it kind of makes you feel like you're missing something or somehow wrong.

[Zebra]

As a man I am not really affected that much by these things but where I live most people have that fine dirty blond hair that's ashy or greyish and very silky and slippery. And usually very straight. I have it too. It's often considered boring and "bad ugly hair" and many women are insecure about it. I think it's a nice colour and it's a shame that it's not more appreciated. My sister is growing her natural hair back after over ten years of dyeing it and it turned out it was impossible to get that colour from a box. I have a lot of female friends and they do talk about their hair sometimes. It's like they are expected to hate their hair starting from childhood.

Accepting your natural traits and looks is important. I mean you always do you but if you do stuff to yourself because you think you have to so you wouldn't be "ugly" it's going wrong. Doing bad things to others and being mean makes you ugly. Some hair is frizzy but why is it bad? We are real people in real life and our bodies do what they do.

No matter how your hair looked like you would miss it if you started to loose it. My grandma (and my friend) once told me how she always thought she was so ugly when she was younger but now she think she was really pretty and that most young people are incredibly good looking without even realizing it. And it's a shame they can't just enjoy it. Like we often forget to enjoy being healthy when we are healthy. I don't stress much about my looks but it's sad how some people feel so bad about some tiny details that aren't even flaws.

I think commercials and stuff like that are constantly giving us new things to stress and feel bad about just so that we could buy some product that we don't really need. Do you have nose hair like most people? Get rid of it whith this new product or you will be discusting! Why can't women have leg hair? I mean I don't even notice. I grew up around women and so on. I know they have hair and they poop. It's no secret. I shared a room with my sisters as a child because we only had two bedrooms and our parents wanted privacy. One of my sisters is lactose intolerant. You can imagine. But everyone can be perfect in their own way.

[lapushka]

In the 80s you saw a lot of dirty blonde hair on TV shows, Zebra. I like these shows for a lot of reasons, but this is one. Detective series like Columbo or Murder She Wrote or such.

I also went through a period where I became conscious of my texture, sadly it was in my 30s. In my teens it went "pouf" an I had no clue in how to deal with it.

[Beeboo123]

I have spent years hating my hair because it does not look like the hair that almost everyone of the same ethnicity as me has (wavy and frizzy, vs sleek and straight). In my teens, I would get my hair chemically straightened, and that made me feel better for a couple of months. After that, my roots got very visible and messy looking.

If i was one of the other ethnic groups here (who all have waves or curls), instead of East Asian, I wouldn’t have felt the need to fry my hair into straightness.

[AZDesertRose]

Up until a few years ago I honestly didn't know what frizz meant, I knew people explained their hair as being 'frizzy' but I never could comprehend what it meant. Always assumed I just didn't have it since I couldn't figure out what it meant so thus it must not have effected me. Finally clicked and then I realized "oh wait, I DO have lots of frizz sometimes", and I've not known how to feel about it since. In some way I really don't care but I feel like I should? If I was oblivious to it still I wouldn't care at all, But since being told that it's 'bad' in a way it now bothers me. Also not trimming for years was just how it was to me, I knew nothing different I never got trims until I wanted it shorter. "thin" ends were something that never bothered me, I don't even think I processed how my ends even looked. But now hanging around hair places and listening to people, again I feel self conscious about how it looks now when I probably wouldn't have. I've never hated my hair colour enough to want to change it, but I often heard people say how it was bad to have dark blonde hair so I thought it was expected for me.

It's weird, I know the sentiment of "Don't listen to other people and you do you" but it really seems like there's a consensus and when you're coming from a place of ignorance than acceptance it kind of makes you feel like you're missing something or somehow wrong.

I honestly think the entire "beauty" industry is based on making us all think that our skin, hair, facial features, etc. are not good enough, which is :bs: not to put too fine a point on it.

My hair has just enough of a wave pattern to get a bit frizzy, and I live in Florida so there's the humidity factor (which causes a lot of people to get frizzy hair). However, I don't have the energy (or, frankly, the give-a-damn) to do anything about it too often. I generally care only when I have a special occasion to attend, which isn't all that often, and I can employ a BBB and a little serum on those rare days to tame the wavy, frizzy little wispies.

[Isobibbel]

honestly I get so angry about how my curly haired friends seem to have been taught that their hair is just too much trouble. I admire curls so much and although it could be a case of the other mans grass is greener, I think straighter hair can get away with much less scrutiny. This makes my curly haired friends SUPER self conscious and me angry for them.

[lapushka]

honestly I get so angry about how my curly haired friends seem to have been taught that their hair is just too much trouble. I admire curls so much and although it could be a case of the other mans grass is greener, I think straighter hair can get away with much less scrutiny. This makes my curly haired friends SUPER self conscious and me angry for them.

And then there is me who used to get perms because it was easier to take care of than my unruly wavy hair (I had zero idea in how to deal with it).

[Zebra]

lapushka, many models also have dirty blond hair. I have noticed too that there was a golden age for ashy hair colours. In school we had some books that were just rewritten when new information came but the pictures were old. 80's and early 90's. (I went in school in late 90's and early 2000's. I really can't remember how people actually looked since I wasn't paying that much attention but I remember school books.) I think. Hair was shiny and mostly dirty blond. I have no idea why I remember it so clearly. Everybody wore jeans and big shirts. I still have one of the books because some information is still useful. This is an actual picture from 22 years old school book. In most pictures that are so small the photos wouldn't look good people have ashy hair colours. Somebody has bleached hair or blonde stripes but otherwise hair looks pretty natural. I don't know if this will show up but here goes nothing. The options seem to be bleach, bleached stripes or natural colour.
https://image.ibb.co/knXkLw/IMG_0077.jpg (https://imgbb.com/)

[lithostoic]

Yep. I always loved my hair until I was a preteen and my stylist referred to it as "thin" with a derogatory tone of voice. Ever since then, I've been self-conscious. Also with media constantly stressing "full, luxurious hair" I feel like a wet puppy with my thin(ish) straight hair :P It's taken a lot to feel confident again.

[reilly0167]

Without getting into too much detail. When I was a young around elementary school age to high school. I was bullied, taunt and tease from other kids even adults from being fat and my hair. My hair been called everything in the book ( its was curly, frizzy etc.) So yah, I hated it, always self conscious about it, and also I was never taught how to deal with my hair. I've done a lot to change it, relaxers, flat irons. Its been a journey for sure, to learn, accept and appreciate my curly hair. Its kinda funny that back then, that hair that is African american, Latina hair and all kinds of textures were view as not pretty or acceptable that we end up hating it; and that is so sad, I wish I can go back in time and tell my younger crying self that all this will change, hang in there. Today, I fully embrace it, I know how to take the best of care of it, if I wanna go straight for a bit, I'm finding ways to do it heatless, for example roller sets. I stop here, I tend to go on and on and on :bounce:

[lapushka]

Zebra, I think it now has become much more popular and easier to color the hair. Also those going to hairdressers, it is often talked about / pushed pretty early on. Even before going gray, like a "color wash" kind of thing.

[Kiiruna]

I generally have nothing against my hair, but one day my friend was complaining about her natural hair colour, telling me how ugly it is, poop brown, lifeless, dull, horrible etc.

Well, guess what. We have pretty much the same natural colour. As she was bashing her hair, she was also bashing my hair. When she was saying that her hair is ugly, poop brown, lifeless, dull and horrible, she was also saying that my hair is ugly, poop brown, lifeless, dull and horrible.

I did get a bit upset about it because this is not the first time I hear bullsht like this.

[Chromis]

Hmm, I found I like my hair much more after finding the LHC! I grew up when everyone else was perming their hair and teasing it into having these giant bangs and my hair doesn't do that. Then everyone was flat-ironing and highlighting and lowlighting... I had neither the money not the inclination to do any of that stuff, so I thought my hair was just a ratty, frizzy, boring mess. Coming here was really nice, since there are a lot of other people with my hair type who aren't into trying to change it so drastically!

My mother was always trying to put curlers in my hair growing up and then yelling at me because it doesn't hold a curl and I was not allowed to grow my hair long either and mine really needs the weight to lay nicely!

[Suze]

I certainly always felt there was something wrong with my hair and with me too as a result. My mom always kept it really short in this horrible style with bangs to cover the scar on my forehead. I looked ridiculous. Whenever I grew it longer my mom woukd always complain it was so lifeless and you couldn't do anything with it. When I got older and wanted it longer (SL, APL) I was always told that that was the longest my hair could ever be because it was to thin to ever have long hair. Meanwhile my hair was always thinned out at the hairdresser and they would always tell me I could correct the reddish undertones with a nice toner or dyejob. Or how I could use dru shampoo and tease my hair to get more volume etc. Made me feel very insecure. trust me.

Still to this day I feel like my hair isn't good enough and has to be something it never will. Well, that's no fun is it? Need to stop this nonsense and just accept it as it is.

[lapushka]

Hmm, I found I like my hair much more after finding the LHC! I grew up when everyone else was perming their hair and teasing it into having these giant bangs and my hair doesn't do that. Then everyone was flat-ironing and highlighting and lowlighting... I had neither the money not the inclination to do any of that stuff, so I thought my hair was just a ratty, frizzy, boring mess. Coming here was really nice, since there are a lot of other people with my hair type who aren't into trying to change it so drastically!

My mother was always trying to put curlers in my hair growing up and then yelling at me because it doesn't hold a curl and I was not allowed to grow my hair long either and mine really needs the weight to lay nicely!

Yes that's also what I like about this place. You can just learn to accept your hair for its natural texture; that was once super hard for me. It only got better in my 30s, when I was here first, and now I'm 45 and thoroughly enjoying my hair. Thank you, LHC! :flower:

I'm sorry you weren't allowed to grow your hair long, Chromis. When I said I wanted long hair age 5 my mom kept taking me to the hair dresser, then after about a year of not going anywhere, I refused to go to the hairdresser. It felt really bad not getting taken seriously. Then she realized I meant it, and I was allowed (thank goodness) and since then only my bangs got cut. The hairdresser was told I was growing it for my Holy Communion age 12, and then she got it, but age 11 I cut it back to a page boy hairstyle. LOL

I guess I wasn't patient enough myself to grow past classic at that time.

[LadyCelestina]

Yeah, nearly all people with curls are conditioned to hate their hair :D

Then they hopefully learn to love it once they figure out how to care for it, and even then, we are told that our hair is ugly (upfront or not), about as much as we're told our hair is pretty.

For example I am so conditioned to think of curly hair as ugly, that I can't bring myself to truly believe my bf genuinely likes it:D

[MoonRabbit]

When I was in grade school and my mother would take me to the salon to get my hair cut they would always say I had the most perfect waves, the way they frame my face like finger waves. Most women would pay a lot of money to have my texture. But I was so little this compliment never reached me. Then while I was in middle school the fad of flat irons started and I constantly got asked why I didn't straighten my hair. Well, that was the start of my heat obsession and it didn't stop for another 10 years. I completely forgot about my waves and only looked at them as a frizzy unnatural style. I would go years without a trim because a fresh cut would mean healthy flippy ends that would not stay straight. From this I would never grow past mbl.

I'm happy with my texture today, but I still struggle with my thickness.

[Corvana]

I found I like my hair much more after finding the LHC!

Same here! I even made a spot in a growth tracker to write down positive things about it. I'd say or think something about someone's hair that's similar to mine, and go write it down. "Oh her (*cough*SuzeandZestyespecially*cough*) hair is such a rich dark color and light colored hair toys look incredible in it! Oh wait, my hair is also getting quite dark! Light colored hair toys would look good on me, too!" Same with texture, and thickness.

For years I wanted hair like my best friends' (I think probably 1a/1b/F/ii, but 3.5" circ so still a ton of hair since it's so fine), but both after helping her with hers and being here and seeing gorgeous hair that's more like my own, I want my own hair. The only things I want to change about it anymore is length (of course), and maybe some henna. Still not 100% on the henna, either, because my natural color does have its benefits.

I always thought my hair was thin (and honestly, it may have been thinner at the time due to terrible care), and that was one of many reasons that I cut it into a pixie. But part of that was also because of celebrities. I thought their hair was soooooo thick, and would always fake it myself by putting all of my hair over my shoulders. But it turns out: a lot of red carpet hair (and movie hair, really) is extensions and hair pieces! If I'd known that, I would've hated my hair less.

I used to think I always had crazy split ends because a hairdresser told me so. She held up the ends of my hair and said "See?" And I didn't see anything but my hair ends all willy nilly and not smooth. I told her that, and she said that's what split ends were, "When the ends of your hair split from each other instead of being smooth and together and neat." So for yeeeaaarrss I hated my ends except when I was rinsing my conditioner out and would get my hair to be "smooth and together and neat" instead of the mess it usually is.

I think part of hair hate is external, from society, and part is internal, how people react to the external within themselves and with those they're close to. Self-hate is profitable, and self-love is not.

[Cg]

When I was young, my straight hair was definitely considered a beauty handicap. "They" might have tried to condition me to dislike my genes, but I can't remember any time when others' opinions mattered more than my own, not even as a very young child. What a shame to wish for someone else's hair texture or color.

[Guitargod]

I have lost count of the times I've heard people telling me to cut my hair because long hair for males wasn't modern any more - this was late 80's/early 90's. Didn't bother me one single bit hah! I was /am a metalhead and what's fashionable was just nonsense to me anyway. Pissing off parents and teachers was a bonus:)
I did get a little conscious about my split ends though, because a hairdresser told me if I didn't take care of them then all of my hair would split all the way to the roots - and I believed that for years.

[lapushka]

I have lost count of the times I've heard people telling me to cut my hair because long hair for males wasn't modern any more - this was late 80's/early 90's. Didn't bother me one single bit hah! I was /am a metalhead and what's fashionable was just nonsense to me anyway. Pissing off parents and teachers was a bonus:)
I did get a little conscious about my split ends though, because a hairdresser told me if I didn't take care of them then all of my hair would split all the way to the roots - and I believed that for years.

Hair can split to the root, if you let it "go". That's not a myth invented by hair dressers. That is why a lot of people do S&D missions around here (search & destroy). I don't do S&D. I am of the conviction that one or two splits won't hurt me, if at all. I hardly get them. But if you are prone to them, it pays off getting rid of them in time; they can split all the way up. And that's not a good thing!

[Kiiruna]

It really takes a lot of abusing to get hair split all the way up.

[AZDesertRose]

It really takes a lot of abusing to get hair split all the way up.

We managed it in the 80's and early 90's with all the perms, bleach, curling irons, crimping irons, and hairspray. :laugh:

But you're absolutely right that you'd have to be pretty mean to your hair to get it to split that badly.

[Groovy Granny]

Conditioned to hate your hair? YES... we are :agree:

Just look at the commercials that show PERFECT hair....sleek, shiny, full bodied....then there is the rest of us....buying what she used to get THAT HAIR ...or a different color :doh:

I owe so much to all you lovely peeps here at LHC; you helped me to courageously grow long and silver, to know my hair, and find what it needs to look/feel it's best while being fine and wurly...not perfect.... but HEALTHY.

I now have styles, routines, and products to 'tame the mane' no matter the weather (dry or humid); not 100% but within reason, and I happily/proudly embrace every wave and curl :crush:

[DweamGoiL]

It's funny because we are conditioned to self-loathe in a lot of different ways not just hair - body, skin-tone, color, height, weight, etc. I haven't read fashion/beauty magazines in a very long time, not even Women's Health that disguises itself as a health promoting magazine for many many years. Even as a teen, I found them impossible to size up to. To me, media and other people's opinions on my hair, weight, etc. is just outside noise. What's really important is how I feel about myself, but it does take time to develop self-love in a world you're always told there is something wrong with you. The worst problem is that our young people are penalized for being themselves and made to think they have to measure up to these impossible ideals and because they are easily influenced, they believe it.

I have a teenage daughter with curly hair and I have always told her I love her hair and cared for it. I have always admired her beautiful curls and have worked with her over the years to develop a routine so she knows how to take care of it and not hate it, but those negative voices still got in and right now, she is mostly ambivalent about it. One day she absolutely hates it and wanted it to cut from TBL to shoulder and then she hated that because despite my warnings she could not understand that curly hair shrinks into itself and looks much shorter than you anticipate unless there is weight to stretch it out. She is now growing it back and wants it to be as long as before, but curly hair also takes a long time to show length because of the shrinking factor. On most days, she doesn't hate her hair, but she definitely has a love/hate relationship with it.

I also think that because we previously lived in a neighborhood that was primarily Asian and all she saw was dark, straight hair, she internalized this was the ideal and that her curly voluminous hair was just too much unruly hair. We have been living in a new neighborhood that is mostly African American and although she still goes to the same school and socializes with the same people, her confidence about her self and her hair is much stronger. I guess she doesn't feel she's so different now because she gets to see and interact positively with different people.

[lapushka]

It's funny because we are conditioned to self-loathe in a lot of different ways not just hair - body, skin-tone, color, height, weight, etc. I haven't read fashion/beauty magazines in a very long time, not even Women's Health that disguises itself as a health promoting magazine for many many years. Even as a teen, I found them impossible to size up to. To me, media and other people's opinions on my hair, weight, etc. is just outside noise. What's really important is how I feel about myself, but it does take time to develop self-love in a world you're always told there is something wrong with you. The worst problem is that our young people are penalized for being themselves and made to think they have to measure up to these impossible ideals and because they are easily influenced, they believe it.

I have a teenage daughter with curly hair and I have always told her I love her hair and cared for it. I have always admired her beautiful curls and have worked with her over the years to develop a routine so she knows how to take care of it and not hate it, but those negative voices still got in and right now, she is mostly ambivalent about it. One day she absolutely hates it and wanted it to cut from TBL to shoulder and then she hated that because despite my warnings she could not understand that curly hair shrinks into itself and looks much shorter than you anticipate unless there is weight to stretch it out. She is now growing it back and wants it to be as long as before, but curly hair also takes a long time to show length because of the shrinking factor. On most days, she doesn't hate her hair, but she definitely has a love/hate relationship with it.

I also think that because we previously lived in a neighborhood that was primarily Asian and all she saw was dark, straight hair, she internalized this was the ideal and that her curly voluminous hair was just too much unruly hair. We have been living in a new neighborhood that is mostly African American and although she still goes to the same school and socializes with the same people, her confidence about her self and her hair is much stronger. I guess she doesn't feel she's so different now because she gets to see and interact positively with different people.

I hope she continues to embrace her curly hair, but you'll have to wait it out. Teenage years can be funny! At least you know you did the best you could. :flower:

[racheldelrey]

I remember when I was 18 and had hair that barely touched my shoulders. My at the time boyfriend started going to a new school, and he started talking about all of these pretty girls there (he was a GREAT boyfriend 😐) that he had met. Of course I had to look them all up on Facebook and they were gorgeous with long, shiny, wavy hair. One girl would wear hers in a long side braid and I remember going to a mirror and trying to braid mine, but it was too short. I think that's when I really got this horrible feeling I have about short hair being boring and not feminine.

[Jo Ann]

When I was growing up, I was constantly told to go "do something with my hair--it looks like hell!" Nobody showed me how to deal with wavy/curly hair. Well, this is what happened when it was brushed out (taken 16 years ago--thank God the humidity was low):

https://i.imgur.com/L31b0lq.jpg

Some of you have seen it on the "Show your hair at it's worst" thread. When it's humid out, my hair goes BOOM!

[Jo Ann]

It's gotten MUCH better now, I'm happy to say! :)

It's funny--I always considered my hair to be my best feature. I always did like my natural color (even though I experimented with auburns back in the day) and the thickness.

[Simsy]

I think it’s more about being conditioned to want the hair you will never be able to get, courtesy of genetics and time.

It was very freeing to realise in high school, that I didn’t particularly care what anyone thought about me. It meant I could ignore or play with the hair I had, with no care for what other people might say. It also spared me from most of the pain of wanting sleek, shiny, straight hair.

[Arctic]

From photographer's point of view, frizz and flyaways are BEAUTIFUL! The way light catches them is mesmerizing. And IMO luxurious is not = with thick.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

I always used to think that there was something wrong with my hair because it would never sit sleek and straight. I never realised that it would never sit sleek and straight because it was wavy.... you would think that it was obvious, but no... :p

[Kake]

And then there is me who used to get perms because it was easier to take care of than my unruly wavy hair (I had zero idea in how to deal with it).

I can definitely see the logic in this.

[AZDesertRose]

From photographer's point of view, frizz and flyaways are BEAUTIFUL! The way light catches them is mesmerizing. And IMO luxurious is not = with thick.

Indeed.

One of my aunts has the most beautiful pale golden blonde hair, and she sometimes complains about how thin it is (she's probably on the thin end of ii or the thick end of i, and I think she's suffered from being compared to her sisters, particularly her oldest sister, who is the aunt who taught me to French braid), but that lovely, soft, delicate golden hair looks like a literal halo around her head.

It doesn't hurt that she's a very kind, friendly, affectionate person who doesn't behave in ways that make the comparison to an angel only surface-deep. :inlove:

[lapushka]

I went through a big transition at age 13/14, when my hair fell out in clumps and I had bald patches, later it grew back in, but not 1b/c, but 2b/c, and I had no idea how to deal with this "poof". So I kept blow drying it straight and then going to school and walking through fog, I often arrived in school with super puffy hair. I just actually thought I had straight but difficult hair, and that is when I started crimping it, because that poof at least I could control and it had some "pattern" to it while my natural hair was just... all over the place. I crimped for years, until I was 16, I think, yeah, and then about then is when I had it permed.

[Guitargod]

Hair can split to the root, if you let it "go". That's not a myth invented by hair dressers. That is why a lot of people do S&D missions around here (search & destroy). I don't do S&D. I am of the conviction that one or two splits won't hurt me, if at all. I hardly get them. But if you are prone to them, it pays off getting rid of them in time; they can split all the way up. And that's not a good thing!
True they can, but I rarely see splits running up through the undamaged part if the hair. Most of the split ends I have are from breakage due to wear and tear far from the ends and trimming won't help much there. S&D Probably will - not sure if it's a bit of a futile effort trying to get them all but I'll give it a try.

[AZDesertRose]

True they can, but I rarely see splits running up through the undamaged part if the hair. Most of the split ends I have are from breakage due to wear and tear far from the ends and trimming won't help much there. S&D Probably will - not sure if it's a bit of a futile effort trying to get them all but I'll give it a try.

If you have a lot of split ends and you want them gone, it might be worth it to trim a small amount off all your length and then S&D after the trim to keep your hair as split-end-free as possible.

I've done that a few times myself, and I may do it again soon, since I'm well past my original goal length, and it's hair; it'll grow back. ;)

[Lady Stardust]

I went through a big transition at age 13/14, when my hair fell out in clumps and I had bald patches, later it grew back in, but not 1b/c, but 2b/c, and I had no idea how to deal with this "poof". So I kept blow drying it straight and then going to school and walking through fog, I often arrived in school with super puffy hair. I just actually thought I had straight but difficult hair, and that is when I started crimping it, because that poof at least I could control and it had some "pattern" to it while my natural hair was just... all over the place. I crimped for years, until I was 16, I think, yeah, and then about then is when I had it permed.

I was very self conscious as a teen so I can only imagine how you must have felt and why you felt the need to take some control over how your hair looked.

If it had been some other decade maybe the solutions would have been kinder to your hair! Whenever I see pictures of people with long hair in the 70s the hair is always so glossy, but crimping and perming...there's no doubt you were a teen in the 80s :-)

[Jo Ann]

Ah, the 1980's! When I could go in and get my hair cut in layers and walk out like this...

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8530/8460555110_ac28cedb81_z.jpg

WITHOUT spending the money for the stack perm to MAKE it look like this :) Except for the bangs/fringe--one side or the other was always, shall we say, "flipping out" :p

[Lady Stardust]

Ah, the 1980's! When I could go in and get my hair cut in layers and walk out like this...

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8530/8460555110_ac28cedb81_z.jpg

WITHOUT spending the money for the stack perm to MAKE it look like this :) Except for the bangs/fringe--one side or the other was always, shall we say, "flipping out" :p

Gotta love the 80s, just for all the photos of ourselves that we can laugh at!

I think it was the 80s that conditioned me to believe that my hair should be something other than what it is. Hair had to be big or curly, and mine would not do either of those things! Hairdressers used to try to blow dry volume into it, I used to annoy them by telling them to give up, it wouldn't happen, and even if it did, it wouldn't last. Fine, straight hair like mine was always described as "limp, flat and lifeless" rather than all the complimentary words that could have been chosen - shiny, sleek, swingy! Hair had to look "done" as well. It was a relief when messy buns and twists became the norm, and I couldn't believe it when people started to straighten their hair. It made me feel less like the poor relation.

[Jo Ann]

The grass is always greener, Lady Stardust. I was usually told by my Dear Nana, "Why don't you wear your hair like your cousin (fill in name here)? It always looks so NICE and GROOMED." At the time, I would've given my right arm to be able to wear my hair like Cousin (fill in name here), but her hair was the opposite of mine, and no amount of snot-like hair-setting lotion was going to give me the hair Nana wanted me to have.

Nana must be smiling in Heaven, because even my Mom has noticed how much better my hair behaves now. Then again, Nana would've had something to say about my buns... :p

[AZDesertRose]

Just for funsies, here's my 80's-licious hair:

https://s6.postimg.org/dkduzg1xt/Nora8th_Grade_Prom_May1989_crop.jpg

That dress looked like I was wearing cotton candy, fitted only at the bodice. :rollin:

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused. ;)

[Jo Ann]

God Bless the 1980's, AZ... :beerchug:

[Shadri]

I absolutely believe that we are conditioned to hate our hair/everything about ourselves. How can the beauty industry make money if we are happy with ourselves and don't need to buy their products to make us feel better?? :P

I always wished for hair like my mom's when I was a kid: thick, wavy, auburn, gorgeous. Mine is thick, brown, and generally straight as a board - won't hold a curl to save my life. Luckily, my mom informed me early on of the "grass is always greener" feeling, and always told me she loved my hair. I am starting to love it now, too, especially after joining the forums and learning how to take good care of it. :)

[Jo Ann]

Shadri, that's half the battle! First you accept it, then you learn how to work with it--much less stressful in the end, trust me :)

[Lady Stardust]

The grass is always greener, Lady Stardust. I was usually told by my Dear Nana, "Why don't you wear your hair like your cousin (fill in name here)? It always looks so NICE and GROOMED." At the time, I would've given my right arm to be able to wear my hair like Cousin (fill in name here), but her hair was the opposite of mine, and no amount of snot-like hair-setting lotion was going to give me the hair Nana wanted me to have.

Nana must be smiling in Heaven, because even my Mom has noticed how much better my hair behaves now. Then again, Nana would've had something to say about my buns... :p

Yes we all want what we can't have! I was much happier when I realised that flat hair isn't a bad thing, it's just what happens when your hair is straight! It's the looking groomed bit that I've struggled with most though, my style of dressing doesn't really suit neat hair :-)

[Lady Stardust]

Just for funsies, here's my 80's-licious hair:

https://s6.postimg.org/dkduzg1xt/Nora8th_Grade_Prom_May1989_crop.jpg

That dress looked like I was wearing cotton candy, fitted only at the bodice. :rollin:

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused. ;)

Love it :-)

[Obsidian]

While I've never much liked my own hair and never knew for years that I actually had curl in it. Never once growing up was I teased or had anything bad said about my hair besides its so thick it take forever to cut.
Maybe its due to where I live. Its a rural area and a lot of trends don't hit here and high fashion isn't really a thing. Even in high school most girls have simple long hair that they wear down or in braids/pony tails. I definitely wasn't the only one with frizzy, wild hair.
Luckily I grew up in the 80's and eventually my wild hair ended up being a asset. It teased easily and I didn't have to perm it like so many other. I did perm it a couple times though, that was a nightmare. I actually had a blond afro at one point.

[lapushka]

I was very self conscious as a teen so I can only imagine how you must have felt and why you felt the need to take some control over how your hair looked.

If it had been some other decade maybe the solutions would have been kinder to your hair! Whenever I see pictures of people with long hair in the 70s the hair is always so glossy, but crimping and perming...there's no doubt you were a teen in the 80s :-)

Yes definitely grew up in the 80s. :D

[enting]

I remember some hairdresser once telling me as a child that everyone wants what they can't have, curlies want straight hair, straighties want curly hair. This may have been said while blow drying my hair straight after a haircut, back before I realized that I could insist they let it air dry.

Now, I often go along with what other people tell me, but I remember being very confused, because I didn't want hair other than what I had. It went straight when I wanted it to, with a little bit of a curl right at the bottom. It went curly when I wanted it to, so long as I scrunched and used mousse and nobody touched it. Sometimes I wished for hair that curled a little more stubbornly, but I think some of my hair did do that. My biggest issue with my hair was the "mousy brown" color that it was, and how the roots looked gray compared to my ends. I'm still not sure I'm over that, but I do recognize now that that is probably conditioning, not an innate dislike of the color.

I grew up in the 80's and I still like some of the fashions from then. I love the big hair. I also love sleek hair though, they're simply different and good things.

[AZDesertRose]

I remember some hairdresser once telling me as a child that everyone wants what they can't have, curlies want straight hair, straighties want curly hair.

And I with my slightly wavy hair wish it would either lie flat or curl! :laugh: Mine has just enough of a wave pattern to have an attitude, not enough to be truly wavy, but too wavy to be straight. :shrug:


I grew up in the 80's and I still like some of the fashions from then. I love the big hair. I also love sleek hair though, they're simply different and good things.

Some of the fashions were really cute; some of them are even coming back in style. I just loved wearing "big" shirts and leggings in the 80's and that seems to be back in fashion now (I thought it was a cute look thirty years ago, and I still like the look and the comfort!), although I haven't seen any stirrup leggings. I've heard someone say they have seen them in stores recently, though.

I hope tops/jackets with shoulder pads don't come back into fashion, though. I hated them then, and age has not improved my opinion of them. But then, I have the shoulders of an US football linebacker all on my own, so a top or jacket with padded shoulders is really not a good look on me! :lol:

I used to take them out if they could be removed reasonably easily and give them to my mom, because she's smaller of build than I am and has significantly narrower shoulders, so they actually made clothes hang well on her. On me, I might as well put on a helmet and cleats!

[enting]

It just means you naturally have the fashion profile that the designers were trying to achieve, AZDesertRose!
I always used to think stirrup leggings looked a bit funny, but having grown up and having cold ankles a lot, I understand the appeal of a legging that stays down and covers the ankle!
Your hair texture sounds absolutely lovely to me. I like hair with a little bit of attitude :)

[AZDesertRose]

It just means you naturally have the fashion profile that the designers were trying to achieve, AZDesertRose!
I always used to think stirrup leggings looked a bit funny, but having grown up and having cold ankles a lot, I understand the appeal of a legging that stays down and covers the ankle!
Your hair texture sounds absolutely lovely to me. I like hair with a little bit of attitude :)

Yup. My mother refers to my shoulders as "coat-hanger shoulders," aka the broadness of my upper torso makes clothing hang the way most clothing is designed to do. (Mom's a little envious of that feature, which I inherited from my paternal grandmother, because her shoulders are so narrow. She's a lot more delicately built than my clunky self! :D )

I even considered modeling for a while, since I'm fairly tall for the general population (although slightly shorter than most professional fashion models), but since early adolescence, I've had too much ballast fore and aft to model straight sizes. ;) (And I also have a bit of an ethical problem with a person who wears a US misses size 12 being considered a "plus size" model. Are these people :angry: kidding?! I'm nowhere near that thin any more, but any smaller than about a 10/12 and I'd be too thin, given my build.)

What annoys me about my hair is that I could probably get a little more of the wave pattern to show up, except that it would require moisturizing my hair more than my scalp likes. (Conditioner at all and/or oil too close to my scalp is asking for an SD flare. :( ) So given a choice between encouraging the waves and avoiding an incredibly itchy, painful scalp, the comfortable scalp wins that argument without discussion.

I also have Wispies That Will Not Be Tamed. :laugh: :shrug:

[*Wednesday*]

.......that most young people are incredibly good looking without even realizing it. And it's a shame they can't just enjoy it. Like we often forget to enjoy being healthy when we are healthy. I don't stress much about my looks but it's sad how some people feel so bad about some tiny details that aren't even flaws.

That there. So true. Media is to blame.

[Robi-Bird]

I wouldn't say I was conditioned at home to hate my hair. My mom kept it short when it was her problem because she didn't want to deal with it, same went with my sister, and I mostly didn't care about my appearance, hair included, still don't to a strong degree. But what I have been conditioned to, negatively, is having some unrealistic standards to my hair. Since my hair was micro long for 25 of my 32 years I never had to worrying about new growth or any of that, my hair was usually an inch or less long. So I see new growth and such as horrible, terrible frizziness, when I don't think my hair is abnormally bad for either I THINK it's super frizzy, wild or messy because the only long hair I've seen a lot of in my life is the photoshopped, edited crap in the media. So I have to constantly tell myself that my hair is real, not photoshopped, and I need to have realistic expectations.

[Beeboo123]

Yup. My mother refers to my shoulders as "coat-hanger shoulders," aka the broadness of my upper torso makes clothing hang the way most clothing is designed to do.

That’s quit funny to me, because my mom said the same thing about me, but for a different reason: I’m pretty bony and flat, with square shoulders with barely any slope at all, so clothes look the same on me as they do on the hanger.