how to handle hair advice

[burny]

A few times lately, someone has approached me and started a conversation about hair. Which some how leads to them giving me tips on what brand of combs, conditioner, etc. to use. I think my hair is evidence that I know how to take care if it and "have you tried using a brush instead of a comb" isn't rocket science. I always figured that at the least, when I acknowledge that I have done the things they are suggesting, that they would give it a rest, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

How can I avoid this without being rude/insulting? Honesty doesn't seem to work well.

[Corvana]

You could do what I always did about unsolicited parenting advice: Smile and nod, take what you want from it and then discard the rest.

[leayellena]

How can I avoid this without being rude/insulting? Honesty doesn't seem to work well.

I´d be crazy as$ insulting. I´d say somethin g mean about the short rag they hang on their head. lol
no, just don´t waste your time with idiots.
or you could actually explain some scinenc-y stuff they´d look at you like you´d been an alien.

[Kat]

Can you change the subject? And just keep talking over them until they give up? (Assuming it's not an option to say "oh look at the time!" or fake a phone call or something in order to walk away.) Or, you could always talk over them with detailed explanations of your hair care routines/goals (feel free to also mention others' routines and goals in order to compare/contrast) until they get glassy-eyed and stop/go away themselves. :)

Or, in keeping with the above, offer THEM hair care advice. :)

[Nini]

I'm sure they mean well, smile and say thanks for the suggestions.

[GalaMoon]

A lot of people don't know about the things we've learned on here, and when they do find out, it's such a revelation to them, that they feel the need to share it to everyone (I'm guilty of that). Most of the times, they mean well, you could tell them more hair care tips that you know. Of course, you do get the "know it all" people telling you stuff sometimes, but it's a waste of time to argue with them, just smile and thank them for the advice, tell them you will try it later.
If they try to sell you stuff, just say you're short on money at the moment, it never failed for me.
You can't go wrong with a little diplomacy, plus why waste your energy on negative things?

[Siv]

This doesn't bother me much tbh. I try to see it as an opportunity, and turn it around and start an in-depth discussion about hair care, because I don't know any people IRL who are really into it, and I like those kinds of conversations. Sometimes they realise where I'm coming from, sometimes they still try to promote their own type of hair care, but with a little bit of weedling I can usually make them see my point of view. I enjoy that type of discussion, but of course, not everyone does so this might not be the best advice for you if you just want them off your back :p

Anyway, an example: Most people I know IRL who are into haircare are also into colouring, heat styling, "non-sulphate" colour care expensive shampoos, and heat protectant etc. If they try to give me advice along those lines I try to explain that I do "REALLY long hair care" rather than "styling hair care" and explain the differences - and if they still try to promote sulphate free or whatever anyway, I explain all about why silicones work really well for me, and the pre-pooing I do to counteract the damaging effects of sulphates, for example.

If I don't have time for a hair care discussion, I usually smile, nod, and try to remind myself that most people only know about hair care promoted by big companies trying to make money, and these companies also promote trends like colouring, paddle brushes, etc. which create vicious circles where you e.g. need specific products to maintain your colour, or products to help your split ends when you paddle-brush the life out of your hair simply because it's so much easier - but more damaging - to do that than spend a bit of extra time combing. Also, a lot of brushes, products, etc. are gentle enough that your hair looks nice at BSL or shorter, but for longer hair they are way too damaging in the long run, and this seems really difficult for people to really understand unless they have at least some knowledge about "long hair care".

In conclusion, when I get unsolicited hair advice like "have you tried using a brush?" I remind myself that they don't know my hair and my goals, and they're probably just trying to give me advice based on what works for them, not realising that different hairs can be super different in their needs. Then, I try to decide whether I have time enough to start up a conversation about it!

[Kat]

I've luckily never had to deal with this much, but I think if I did, I might just be completely honest: "I've been growing my hair for pretty much half of my life now-- that's nearly 20 years-- do you suppose I've figured out by this time what works and doesn't work for my hair?" I mean, there will always be the people who don't agree-- they're the same ones that will try to tell you what you think, and dismiss when you tell them what you, the person actually inside your head, really think-- but maybe it would work on some people. (And if not, I'd fall back to my ideas above.)

[lapushka]

Just tell them "thank you for the suggestions" and then do exactly what you want. ;) The fact that they're giving you advice is nice in itself, but if it is wrong advice, I wouldn't much listen. But I wouldn't confront them because that would lead to something entirely different. Just be cool about it.

That's what I would do.

I sometimes get into it with my aunt, who definitely thinks she knows better (because this and that is what she heard you should do). Sometimes she's right but other times... I just let her talk and smile. Because going in against her is... something else! LOL

[spidermom]

I usually let people talk and do my best to be a good listener. It's a rude world out there; I don't want to add to it.

[lithostoic]

I usually just say "Way ahead of ya! I've done a lot of research and repaired years of damage through my routine". Generally they become interested in what I have to say :)

[Cg]

My stock phrase to end any discussion: "You may very well be right."

[cathair]

Perhaps they talk to you about hair, because you have nice hair and want to relate to you on some level about it?

I can understand it being annoying, but I'd try not to take it negatively. Maybe just change the subject.

[AZDesertRose]

Unless someone is being a massive jerk about their advice-giving, I usually just take the "smile, nod, and do what works for me (possibly trying some of their suggestions, if they sound like something that might work for me and I feel like trying [X suggestion])" approach.

"Thanks! I'll think about that. How about [That Local Sports Team/Whatever Subject Change]?" works too, if someone is insistent without being per se rude.

[Kat]

I usually let people talk and do my best to be a good listener. It's a rude world out there; I don't want to add to it.

But it's rude to assume someone can't take care of their own personal hygiene. It's rude to think you have the right to take up a stranger's time because you want to hear yourself talk. Etc. IOW== you would not be the first one being rude in this situation, nor do I think it's rude to decline to be lectured by someone, let alone someone who knows less than you do on the subject, or to want to spend your time the way you want rather than listening to random people who want to talk to you whether you want it or not.

[Anje]

Honestly, I engage.

Them: "Have you tried using a brush?"
Me: "Are you thinking more of a boar bristle or like a Tangle Teezer? Because I like the TT, but boar brushes tend to compact my hair down into this solid layer that's like a helmet. Don't you get that?"

Either they disengage fast, or you find you've got someone to geek out about hair with.

[cjk]

"Well it obviously works pretty great for you!

Remember, the key is finding what works best for each of us and (shake my head) I found what works for me, too."

[spidermom]

But it's rude to assume someone can't take care of their own personal hygiene. It's rude to think you have the right to take up a stranger's time because you want to hear yourself talk. Etc. IOW== you would not be the first one being rude in this situation, nor do I think it's rude to decline to be lectured by someone, let alone someone who knows less than you do on the subject, or to want to spend your time the way you want rather than listening to random people who want to talk to you whether you want it or not.

If you want to think of things that way, go ahead. I can geek out about hair almost indefinitely, and I'm not going to think somebody's rude because he or she has a different opinion from mine. I can listen. I can consider. And I can walk away from the conversation with some form of "thanks for sharng," at any time.

[lithostoic]

I guess I just never really saw it as an issue. I'm used to people questioning me and I don't mind sharing. I like making people happy.

[Aredhel]

I usually find that humouring through a polite smile and nod to be pretty effective at shaking off any unsolicited advice-giver. ;) I personally don't feel I need to prove myself to anyone by one-upping them in hair knowledge or reacting indignantly. I know what works for my hair; just because someone gives me unwanted advice, it doesn't mean I need to take it. :p

As has been said, people usually mean well when they try to look after your hair by proxy, especially if it's following a compliment from them.:)

Maybe it's just me, but I am overall a very confrontational person in general, so I've really been learning to pick my battles with people. Things like this just seem petty to me and not worth very much thought or stress.

[Cherriezzzzz]

I usually let people talk and do my best to be a good listener. It's a rude world out there; I don't want to add to it.

You're so right...

I vowed to become a listener. My bestie is a LISTENER! I looooooove her for it. I'm naturally a talker...
I'm glad you put it this way. I've loved letting people talk. It's such a relief from "waiting for my turn to speak" and interrupting people.

[Rockin' Gramma]

I view unsolicited advice (on any subject) as a way for someone to communicate what they know but projected onto you. Instead of the speaker being able to say "What I've found helpful is ...", it comes out as advice to you instead. To me it seems like the speaker wants recognition of their knowledge.

With that in mind, I like to turn the focus back to the speaker (and deflect off myself) and say things like, "Oh interesting, so that's how you solved that problem?" and ask more questions about their routine.

I had to learn how to do this because I tend to react poorly to unsolicited advice.

[sarahthegemini]

I´d be crazy as$ insulting. I´d say somethin g mean about the short rag they hang on their head. lol
no, just don´t waste your time with idiots.
or you could actually explain some scinenc-y stuff they´d look at you like you´d been an alien.

What a mature way to respond to somebody engaging in conversation :-/

I'd just go along with the conversation - either say "yeah I'll try that" or "unfortunately that would never work for me but it works well for you" etc. I don't see what the big deal is tbh.

[tjaska88]

A few times lately, someone has approached me and started a conversation about hair. Which some how leads to them giving me tips on what brand of combs, conditioner, etc. to use. I think my hair is evidence that I know how to take care if it and "have you tried using a brush instead of a comb" isn't rocket science. I always figured that at the least, when I acknowledge that I have done the things they are suggesting, that they would give it a rest, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

How can I avoid this without being rude/insulting? Honesty doesn't seem to work well.


I would not be insulted, but many times is this bad fir someone’s selfasteam i think. When my boss at work said, that my hair is this ( long ago, now is thick), that resultet in me obsessing totaly with density of my hair😤

[Sarahlabyrinth]

I would probably say something like "What a good idea, maybe I should try it", and then only do it if I want to....

[Andthetalltrees]

I don't know, I'd just act really awkward and try to get out of the conversation as soon as possible. But that's not because it's only about hair, I just don't feel comfortable talking with just anyone haha,

[Stray_mind]

"Thank you for your advice, but i already have a hair care routine that fits my hair" should tell them that you're not really interested in their suggestions. And then try to change the subject.

[lucid]

I have only gotten hair advise that made me feel bad about my hair when I was in the awekward growing out stage from bsl to hip. My hair always look thin at every new length stage, and I have to maintain a while to thicken up my hemline. And I don't know why, but people seemed to feel the need to comment on that, giving advices about thickness "it wouldn't look so thin if you cut it", "it will not grow if you doesn't cut it" or "it looks worn out, it needs a trim" when the hair was healthy, only thin at the bottom.

I never get these comments anymore, partly because my hemline has thickened up, but also because I have started calling out such wrong advices to those who gave them.

I sometimes get product advices or other random advices, and they are almost always nice and coming from people knowing I'm interested in hair. I always appreciate those advices, even though most of them are useless for my hairtype. Usually, when people share tips and experiences, it's because they appreciate you and genuinely think they have something that that might benefit you :)

I say thank you, and that I'll check it out if it's something new. If I know it won't suite me, I say so as well. I tend to emphasize that even though it's not suitable for my hairtype, it may very well be right for their hairtype or others. It surprises me how many who's totally oblivious to the fact that different hair behaves differently :p

[leayellena]

What a mature way to respond to somebody engaging in conversation :-/

I'd just go along with the conversation - either say "yeah I'll try that" or "unfortunately that would never work for me but it works well for you" etc. I don't see what the big deal is tbh.

I´m just tired of being stalked, mobbed, forced to do something because "they definitely knows it´s better for me (or my hair, etc.). so yeah I on´t think you´d respond nicely to such people too...

[Aredhel]

I´m just tired of being stalked, mobbed, forced to do something because "they definitely knows it´s better for me (or my hair, etc.). so yeah I on´t think you´d respond nicely to such people too...

But people offering good-natured and well-meaning hair advice is hardly akin to being stalked, mobbed and forced to do something against your will. I mean I'm sorry if something like that has happened to you before, but responding to everyone with such aggression doesn't seem to be fair at all to the people who never did anything bad to you.:shrug:

[sarahthegemini]

I´m just tired of being stalked, mobbed, forced to do something because "they definitely knows it´s better for me (or my hair, etc.). so yeah I on´t think you´d respond nicely to such people too...

Offering hair advice isn't quite the same as stalking someone LOL

[Beeboo123]

The only hair advice that I’ve ever found useful, I received from my dad. “Don’t touch your hair, leave it alone.” “Hair is dead, you can’t treat it.” “Don’t rub your hair with the towel.”

I got a lot of annoying, unsolicited advice involving heat and chemical straightening when I was growing my hair out, it was uneven and it was frizzing very badly. I would just nod, and say “oh okay” repeatedly while people spoke. They soon learnt that their opinion was unwanted, and stopped bothering me.

[FuzzyBlackWaves]

I'd just laugh and say "Oh, honey" and walk off. If you want to be diplomatic just say "I'm really happy with my hair and how I care for it. Thanks though"