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View Full Version : The Stigma about 'different hair'



Wavybrunetteuk
July 26th, 2017, 09:06 PM
I want to get something off my chest. So growing up, I used to straighten my hair everyday. Why? Because the 'fashion' was to have straight hair. I even heard of a classmate who was picked on for having wavy hair. So that made me obsess over my hair curling at all (which it did at the end of the day anyway because... my hair is stubborn)

I've heard of people with long hair being told "god! Go get a f***king hair cut, you look like (a witch, the ring girl, any other negative comparison). I've heard of people with wavy/curly hair being told "you know you'd look nicer with straight hair, you should buy some straighteners". I have seen African American girls be so negative about their hair, and I'm looking at it thinking "no way, your hair is awesome natural, I wish I had your hair"

Now I am embracing my natural hair as it is, people still say "your hair is too thick", "you look like a lion" (sounds funny, but when I hear it I feel like my natural hair is ugly), "your hair is a mess" so much...

its a shame that most people only see beautiful hair as "styled hair (meaning the use of heat)", "flowing hair", "sleek hair".

Lastly, I'm so glad LCH exists, a place where people are offering HEALTHY care, styling tips; you guys are accepting of everyone! No matter what.

Rant over: I'd also like to read your stories. Please post post! I want to read them later.

Sarahlabyrinth
July 26th, 2017, 09:29 PM
Haha, I don't think I ever really noticed what the current hair fashion was, and I always ignored my hair and didn't particularly care for it for most of my like (though did go through a stage of wanting it black and straight, like that was ever going to happen, lol).

But the comments once I started growing it....

"You need to brush your hair, it looks untidy". (After it had been freshly brushed).
"Your hair is getting too long, you need to cut it".
"You should cut your hair, it doesn't suit you".
"You need to cut your hair, you're not a teenager any more, you know".
"You shouldn't have long hair, it drags you down".
"Are you trying to look like a hippie, because you look like one with your long hair".
"You know, you look like a witch with that hair".
"You're not 16 any more, you know".
You should cut your hair short, it would make you look so much younger".

Sigh.

spidermom
July 26th, 2017, 09:30 PM
Most people aren't like that here in the Pacific northwest, USA. We're more the "you do you, I'll do me" type.

Ondine11
July 26th, 2017, 09:33 PM
What a moving post! Seems like almost no matter what kind of hair emerges from our scalps, someone has something critical to say about how terrible it is. My natural hair colour is a funny (to me) shade of auburn AND I had freckles on my nose, cheeks & temples, too! Considering how dark my complexion is, my hair should not BE this colour. Those 5 Irish genes REALLY packed a wallop. Either way, I listened to all kinds of flak over my hair colour. I began dyeing it dark (black, dark ash brown) when I discovered boxed kits at age 10-11 (dyed the bathroom & several towels black, too!) Fortunately, it formed ringlets easily (little girls in my day still wore them)

In my teens, I discovered other ruinous chemical processes & fried my hair several times over trying to do I don't know what to it. I think changing my hair made me feel like I had more control over my life than I did. Whenever I was stressed out or frustrated over something, I'd torture my hair.

Since discovering LHC, I've become much more appreciative of my hair. Instead of torturing it, I take care of it. What a difference this place has made! THàhe changes in behaviour have led to an entire attitude change.

Wavybrunetteuk
July 26th, 2017, 09:43 PM
Haha, I don't think I ever really noticed what the current hair fashion was, and I always ignored my hair and didn't particularly care for it for most of my like (though did go through a stage of wanting it black and straight, like that was ever going to happen, lol).

But the comments once I started growing it....

"You need to brush your hair, it looks untidy". (After it had been freshly brushed).
"Your hair is getting too long, you need to cut it".
"You should cut your hair, it doesn't suit you".
"You need to cut your hair, you're not a teenager any more, you know".
"You shouldn't have long hair, it drags you down".
"Are you trying to look like a hippie, because you look like one with your long hair".
"You know, you look like a witch with that hair".
"You're not 16 any more, you know".
You should cut your hair short, it would make you look so much younger".

Sigh.


Ahh, reading this made me physically shake my head. Why do people care so much how someone else wears their hair? If they don't like it, it's not their hair hahaha.

I think, and we all think, your hair is beautiful and healthy ^^

Wavybrunetteuk
July 26th, 2017, 09:44 PM
Most people aren't like that here in the Pacific northwest, USA. We're more the "you do you, I'll do me" type.

That is awesome! I am so happy to hear that!

twill
July 26th, 2017, 09:50 PM
I remember as a kid that other girls sometimes treated me differently because of how I looked, but that eventually some of them started dressing like me and trying to get out of their moms giving them haircuts.

twill
July 26th, 2017, 09:52 PM
The only time I distinctly remember someone telling me I needed a haircut was the first and only time I ever went to a salon for an updo. I was extremely unhappy about that (not to mention the terrible hairdo) and never went back.

Wavybrunetteuk
July 26th, 2017, 09:53 PM
What a moving post! Seems like almost no matter what kind of hair emerges from our scalps, someone has something critical to say about how terrible it is. My natural hair colour is a funny (to me) shade of auburn AND I had freckles on my nose, cheeks & temples, too! Considering how dark my complexion is, my hair should not BE this colour. Those 5 Irish genes REALLY packed a wallop. Either way, I listened to all kinds of flak over my hair colour. I began dyeing it dark (black, dark ash brown) when I discovered boxed kits at age 10-11 (dyed the bathroom & several towels black, too!) Fortunately, it formed ringlets easily (little girls in my day still wore them)

In my teens, I discovered other ruinous chemical processes & fried my hair several times over trying to do I don't know what to it. I think changing my hair made me feel like I had more control over my life than I did. Whenever I was stressed out or frustrated over something, I'd torture my hair.

Since discovering LHC, I've become much more appreciative of my hair. Instead of torturing it, I take care of it. What a difference this place has made! THàhe changes in behaviour have led to an entire attitude change.

I can't believe you got flak over the COLOUR, I always thought auburn hair was cool. I think the Pixar princess Merida has helped people love that kind of colour, which is great! She is my favourite Disney princess.

And same, I straightened my hair EVERYDAY. I made my hair much thinner by doing that.

Yes, I am appreciating my hair more too and I am so glad so many other members are taking care of their hair and all have such beautiful hair!

Wavybrunetteuk
July 26th, 2017, 09:56 PM
The only time I distinctly remember someone telling me I needed a haircut was the first and only time I ever went to a salon for an updo. I was extremely unhappy about that (not to mention the terrible hairdo) and never went back.

My gosh, some hairdressers... I think it's okay if they let you know politely "you have some split ends here, would you like them cut?" But just because they are "hair experts", that doesn't mean they have the right to say things like that.:(

Sarahlabyrinth
July 26th, 2017, 11:22 PM
Ahh, reading this made me physically shake my head. Why do people care so much how someone else wears their hair? If they don't like it, it's not their hair hahaha.

I think, and we all think, your hair is beautiful and healthy ^^

Thank you :crush: Yours looks fabulous in your siggy pic, those waves are so beautiful, and your hair is a symphony of shades :) And yes, people should mind their own business. I don't go around remarking that anyone should change the way they look....

twill
July 26th, 2017, 11:25 PM
My gosh, some hairdressers... I think it's okay if they let you know politely "you have some split ends here, would you like them cut?" But just because they are "hair experts", that doesn't mean they have the right to say things like that.:(

I know... that's what I was thinking. And if you don't like my length, why not "Have you considered some layers?" I would still tell you a flat no, but you'd get a better response than the "Wow, you need a haircut" remark. When I didn't respond, she did a really bad fake laugh and said "kidding"; I'm not sure I've never heard anyone sound so unconvincing.

Rebeccalaurenxx
July 26th, 2017, 11:26 PM
I dont experience this. I guess I am lucky to live in california. As my hair gets longer I have more and more people asking me for hair advice.
My hair isnt that long, I guess, but I think that even if it was really really long, it still wouldnt bother anyone.

GeoJ
July 26th, 2017, 11:53 PM
I experienced plenty of awful commentary on my physical appearance from peers in my teen years. Hair too frizzy, skin too pale, eyes the wrong color & other BS. That all stopped after high school, once I could choose to spend my time with more mature people. This is precisely why I am working hard to keep my DD's self confidence strong. She is approaching the age where it will assaulted by peers on a regular basis.

twill
July 27th, 2017, 12:17 AM
I experienced plenty of awful commentary on my physical appearance from peers in my teen years. Hair too frizzy, skin too pale, eyes the wrong color & other BS. That all stopped after high school, once I could choose to spend my time with more mature people. This is precisely why I am working hard to keep my DD's self confidence strong. She is approaching the age where it will assaulted by peers on a regular basis.

Remind her that she's about to be around some of the most insecure and cowardly people in the universe, most of whom will look back with shame and regret at some of the things they will do and say to other people during this time of their lives.

Remind her that in a few years, many would wish they could take it back and apologize, whether or not it was true, and that they say mean things out of their own weakness and fear, and that they do not have the qualifications to comment on her appearance. They have very little concept of what real beauty is, only what society has force-fed them about what beauty should look like since they were infants, and they mock anything that falls outside of that narrow point of view.

Remind her to keep that in mind, and defy the norm, and be nice, even when the urge to take cheap shots is strong. Highschool years can be brutal, and she could save someone's life that way.

Ankjo
July 27th, 2017, 12:24 AM
"You look so much better with short hair"
"Now I can find your hair everywhere. Why don't you cut it short?"
"You look like a witch with your hair down. Why don't you put it up in a bun?"


And I don't even have hair that long yet. :|

Wavybrunetteuk
July 27th, 2017, 01:26 AM
I dont experience this. I guess I am lucky to live in california. As my hair gets longer I have more and more people asking me for hair advice.
My hair isnt that long, I guess, but I think that even if it was really really long, it still wouldnt bother anyone.

That is awesome! I'm so glad to hear that!

Wavybrunetteuk
July 27th, 2017, 01:29 AM
Remind her that she's about to be around some of the most insecure and cowardly people in the universe, most of whom will look back with shame and regret at some of the things they will do and say to other people during this time of their lives.

Remind her that in a few years, many would wish they could take it back and apologize, whether or not it was true, and that they say mean things out of their own weakness and fear, and that they do not have the qualifications to comment on her appearance. They have very little concept of what real beauty is, only what society has force-fed them about what beauty should look like since they were infants, and they mock anything that falls outside of that narrow point of view.

Remind her to keep that in mind, and defy the norm, and be nice, even when the urge to take cheap shots is strong. Highschool years can be brutal, and she could save someone's life that way.

That is amazing advice! highschool years can be really tough.

Wavybrunetteuk
July 27th, 2017, 01:34 AM
"You look so much better with short hair"
"Now I can find your hair everywhere. Why don't you cut it short?"
"You look like a witch with your hair down. Why don't you put it up in a bun?"


And I don't even have hair that long yet. :|

:/ ahh dear. They're just a super jealous I think.

leayellena
July 27th, 2017, 01:43 AM
1. you have fine but thick hair, it will be weighted down.
2. don´t use conditioner on the scalp, it weights that hair down.
3. you have too much hair, that´s why you´re sweating so much. sweating so much makes your hair look limp.
4. you have wavy hair, wavys look great with short, layered hair.
5. dress your hair, so you may find a boy. (I am now engaged with a man who knows what he wants in life).
6. you are a little bit overweight, your thick wavy hair makes you look really fat.
7. your hair doesn´t frame your face.
8. it doesn´t have body/volume.
9. it´s too dark, lighten it up.
10. you have a job, money, do something with your hair.
11. updo´s make you seem older, you look like a grandma.
12. layers are romantic.
13. there are so many youtube tutorials for styling your hair so prettily in 2 min. and all you can do with your hair is just a braid and a bun.
14. how much shampoo do you use?
15. how many hours does it take to do your hair?
16. hair trims and hairdressing on your mane (waist, thick for the population who doesn´t know FIA´s hairtyping system) cost a lot.
17. you don´t go to a hairdresser/hairstylist?!
18. 'haircuts you will be asking for in 2017'.http://www.thelist.com/36520/haircuts-youll-asking-2017/
19. you look like Cousin It.
20. does your man/fiancee like your hair?
21. how do you do/dress/style your hair for party/wedding/events?
22. doesn´t it tangle, get caught in things?
23. how do you eat because of that hair?
24. you can´t throw a messy bun anymore.
25. how long does it take to grow like that/so long?
26. your hair can´t be healthy at that length/"you are the walking dead" (quote read on a random blog)
27. how do you sleep with that long hair?
28. how do you keep so much hair in a cap on winter?
29. you are too clumsy for doing your hair.

Siri
July 27th, 2017, 02:01 AM
Most people aren't like that here in the Pacific northwest, USA. We're more the "you do you, I'll do me" type.

Not here either in the Los Angeles area. I don't remember ever having had anyone make a bad comment on my hair. I don't really get people making comments but the few I've gotten have all been complimentary.

twill
July 27th, 2017, 03:06 AM
That is amazing advice! highschool years can be really tough.
I think some of the deepest emotional scars people pick up are from injustice and cruel treatment when they are young. People may forget a case of road rage that happened in their 20's, but they will never forget a time a teacher humiliated them in front of the class, or the time some tween in English 101 called them ugly. When you start talking about hurtful things that have happened in someone's life, very often it's one of these "small" things that creates the most emotion and anger in them. I was holding on to a lot of that anger from "small" hurts right up until the night I got saved when I was 16 and I let all of that go. Things like that can cripple a person, sometimes without them even being aware of it.



24. you can´t throw a messy bun anymore.
L O L I can't believe they told you that! Shows what little THEY know! *whips hair into messy bun the size of a mutant grapefruit, now has alien head*
http://i.imgur.com/umzyGBW.gif

MidnightMoon
July 27th, 2017, 03:24 AM
I think I've never cared much about people's opinion on my appearance, and have made sure they know this. I also make sure I surround myself with people who are smart and polite enough not to do so.
A simple comeback at any classmate or just plain scaring them would suffice. Kids, and even adults can be mean and have bad manners, but being so sensitive about it won't help, show some character and send them back to the hole where they came from.
Even if someone says something nasty "joking" I stop right there and tell them "Eh, that's mean, (insert name)", and people sometimes feel embarrassed or like "what's the deal, bro (insert stupid laughter)", so you just keep acting serious, and explain how saying such things is inappropriate.
You basically need to educate people whose parents didn't take the time to do it.

lapushka
July 27th, 2017, 04:08 AM
Now I am embracing my natural hair as it is, people still say "your hair is too thick", "you look like a lion" (sounds funny, but when I hear it I feel like my natural hair is ugly), "your hair is a mess" so much...

its a shame that most people only see beautiful hair as "styled hair (meaning the use of heat)", "flowing hair", "sleek hair".

Lastly, I'm so glad LCH exists, a place where people are offering HEALTHY care, styling tips; you guys are accepting of everyone! No matter what.

Rant over: I'd also like to read your stories. Please post post! I want to read them later.

I used to go through my teens thinking I had straight hair, after all pre-puberty I *had* straight hair (1b/c). Suddenly it all clumped out (fell out in clumps - yes, bald spots due to hormonal changes), and it grew back in wavy (2b/c). I had no clue what to do with it. There were no straighteners around where I lived at that time (80s), but you did have these crimpers. I was sick & tired of having my hair blown out and going through fog in the morning time, only to *poof* up like no other. I still was under the impression that I had "difficult" straight hair. So I started to crimp it twice a week after washing it. It was still poof, but my poof, I owned it. I had pictures taken that year with my hair crimped (age 15/16), and let that be the picture my mom carries in her wallet. :D

Garnetgem
July 27th, 2017, 04:18 AM
I have had so many comments over the years but i have learnt to ignore it..the following comments i will list

"You could do with a good cut and blow dry"
"You look like a hippy"
"You bring shame on the family"
"Its embarrassing for me having a sister your age with long hair" this was said when i was just 25 now 45 am sure i bring double the shame now!
"who do you think you are"
"When are you going to donate it"
"You don't really need that much hair"
"It would suit you better shorter"
"Why don't you cut it shoulder length"
(My sister calls me up almost weekly nagging to cut it)
"Its impossible to have long hair with no splits..it must be in such a mess"
"Its going to wast on you seeing as you have a disability"
"What would you do it you lost it all"
"I will cut it while you sleep"(family member after an argument)

My sister once nagged so much i gave in and she cut it super short from past my butt..later she told me she had sold it to a wig shop! oh she wants to cut again..no chance!

Sorry if my list goes on but it gives you an idea of what its like...my list could go on further lol...not sure why other peoples hair matters so much to others...

Wavybrunetteuk
July 27th, 2017, 04:24 AM
I think I've never cared much about people's opinion on my appearance, and have made sure they know this. I also make sure I surround myself with people who are smart and polite enough not to do so.
A simple comeback at any classmate or just plain scaring them would suffice. Kids, and even adults can be mean and have bad manners, but being so sensitive about it won't help, show some character and send them back to the hole where they came from.
Even if someone says something nasty "joking" I stop right there and tell them "Eh, that's mean, (insert name)", and people sometimes feel embarrassed or like "what's the deal, bro (insert stupid laughter)", so you just keep acting serious, and explain how saying such things is inappropriate.
You basically need to educate people whose parents didn't take the time to do it.

That's a great idea! You are badass!

Wavybrunetteuk
July 27th, 2017, 04:29 AM
I have had so many comments over the years but i have learnt to ignore it..the following comments i will list

"You could do with a good cut and blow dry"
"You look like a hippy"
"You bring shame on the family"
"Its embarrassing for me having a sister your age with long hair" this was said when i was just 25 now 45 am sure i bring double the shame now!
"who do you think you are"
"When are you going to donate it"
"You don't really need that much hair"
"It would suit you better shorter"
"Why don't you cut it shoulder length"
(My sister calls me up almost weekly nagging to cut it)
"Its impossible to have long hair with no splits..it must be in such a mess"
"Its going to wast on you seeing as you have a disability"
"What would you do it you lost it all"
"I will cut it while you sleep"(family member after an argument)

My sister once nagged so much i gave in and she cut it super short from past my butt..later she told me she had sold it to a wig shop! oh she wants to cut again..no chance!

Sorry if my list goes on but it gives you an idea of what its like...my list could go on further lol...not sure why other peoples hair matters so much to others...

So mean! Such comments over someone's have having a longer length. It boggles me. I love your hair in your photo! I'd be ecstatic to have your hair!

lucid
July 27th, 2017, 04:32 AM
I have gotten mean comments about the thickness of my hair (my hair is not that thin, a bit under average, but since it's 1a I have no volume as well, so it appears quite thin I guess). Especially when I grew it out, lots of people seemed to feel the need to comment on my hair. "Your hair looks thin, you need to cut it." "You should not have long hair when having thin hair." "Why do you straighten your hair? it makes it look even thinner (I have never used a straightener in my life)."

Nowdays I never get these comments. If people comment it is positive or they comment on the length (which I guess can be both positive and negative, but to me it's positive :p ).

Generally, I feel that most people are nice or that they just don't care. :)

MidnightMoon
July 27th, 2017, 04:33 AM
That's a great idea! You are badass!

Haha thanks.
I hope you don't take any more mean comments to heart. Your hair is beautiful (in my opinion)
And some people might disagree, to them it might be not, but I bet there's things you wouldn't like about them if you went through life spotting stuff you don't like and pointing it out (you have manners, though).
There's people who would love to have your hair, or any hair at all :lol:
Also, look for some inspiration in paintings, movies, music, and you'll eventually see someone you find extremely beautiful (and their fans too) whom you share a particular trait with, in this case your hair.

Garnetgem
July 27th, 2017, 04:34 AM
So mean! Such comments over someone's have having a longer length. It boggles me. I love your hair in your photo! I'd be ecstatic to have your hair!

Thanks :) but am sure the comments will get worse as i plan to grow to knee length...i am such a rebel!

Love your new siggy pic hair is a lovely golden colour :)

Wavybrunetteuk
July 27th, 2017, 04:35 AM
Haha thanks.
I hope you don't take any more mean comments to heart. Your hair is beautiful (in my opinion)
And some people might disagree, to them it might be not, but I bet there's things you wouldn't like about them if you went through life spotting stuff you don't like and pointing it out (you have manners, though).
There's people who would love to have your hair, or any hair at all :lol:
Also, look for some inspiration in paintings, movies, music, and you'll eventually see someone you find extremely beautiful (and their fans too) whom you share a particular trait with, in this case your hair.

I'll be on the look out ^^

MidnightMoon
July 27th, 2017, 04:42 AM
I have gotten mean comments about the thickness of my hair (my hair is not that thin, a bit under average, but since it's 1a I have no volume as well, so it appears quite thin I guess). Especially when I grew it out, lots of people seemed to feel the need to comment on my hair. "Your hair looks thin, you need to cut it." "You should not have long hair when having thin hair." "Why do you straighten your hair? it makes it look even thinner (I have never used a straightener in my life)."

Nowdays I never get these comments. If people comment it is positive or they comment on the length (which I guess can be both positive and negative, but to me it's positive :p ).

Generally, I feel that most people are nice or that they just don't care. :)

I just don't understand how or why would people out of the blue comment something mean to me about myself. That's beyond my ability to comprehend.
One thing is family, or my grandmother's 80 year old friends (quite verbal about their opinions), but my own friends, or someone living in this reality? :lol: Hell no pal, and depending on how much I like and value your and your friendship you're getting anything from a snarky comeback to an unpleasant last memory since I will probably avoid you in the future.

I sometimes can't make up my mind if these people are really that rude and that's it, or there's some hidden jealousy or rage somewhere.
I recall now a classmate who would sometimes say things like buns are for grandmas, or that my skirt looked like one of those school skirts, and something about me being "not that fat", but then you can tell she has some issues, her cell is full of selfies, she posts all pictures with a filter to look white or whiter, spends A LOT of time at the gime and posts a lot of body pics, straightens her hair and cares a lot about her appearance, to the point it makes you wonder if she might be a bit frustrated and makes others pay for her own insecurities.

embee
July 27th, 2017, 05:04 AM
It's sad to read all these posts. I grew up with this - my mom was not pleased with my hair (neither texture nor color), so from early childhood I got horrible permanent waves and blonde highlights. She struggled to give me sausage curls. My hair is straight as can be, and didn't hold curl... also not very thick. I was glad when it was finally cut short, but always thought my hair was ugly and wanted long beautiful wavy hair. Alas, not in this lifetime!

That is all over and done, my hair is long, I am comfortable with it, nobody complains or makes rude remarks any morer.

Of the Fae
July 27th, 2017, 06:53 AM
I just don't understand how or why would people out of the blue comment something mean to me about myself. That's beyond my ability to comprehend.
One thing is family, or my grandmother's 80 year old friends (quite verbal about their opinions), but my own friends, or someone living in this reality? :lol: Hell no pal, and depending on how much I like and value your and your friendship you're getting anything from a snarky comeback to an unpleasant last memory since I will probably avoid you in the future.

I sometimes can't make up my mind if these people are really that rude and that's it, or there's some hidden jealousy or rage somewhere.
I recall now a classmate who would sometimes say things like buns are for grandmas, or that my skirt looked like one of those school skirts, and something about me being "not that fat", but then you can tell she has some issues, her cell is full of selfies, she posts all pictures with a filter to look white or whiter, spends A LOT of time at the gime and posts a lot of body pics, straightens her hair and cares a lot about her appearance, to the point it makes you wonder if she might be a bit frustrated and makes others pay for her own insecurities.

Hahaa I wear buns and ankle length skirts all the time :P I do think you are right, usually it is someone's own insecurity!
I never get any bad stuff from having long hair. But I used to dye it in very bright shades when I was a teen (Magenta, purple etc), which I got a lot of flak for. Oh well, in retrospect it all seems so silly, I mean, the saying I heard a lot on LHC was: "I am not here to decorate your world", and that is exactly so :) I feel that I get to decorate my own world, and make myself happy with how I choose to look.

lithostoic
July 27th, 2017, 06:55 AM
My hair is relatively normal but I've still heard a lot of negativity. I've been asked if I'm wearing extensions (implying that my hair is thin and ratty), flat out told I shouldn't have long hair, asked if I even brush my hair, been angrily accused of straightening my hair (weird!), and every hairdresser recommends I get highlights. My hair is just not good enough!

GeoJ
July 27th, 2017, 06:58 AM
Remind her that she's about to be around some of the most insecure and cowardly people in the universe, most of whom will look back with shame and regret at some of the things they will do and say to other people during this time of their lives.

Remind her that in a few years, many would wish they could take it back and apologize, whether or not it was true, and that they say mean things out of their own weakness and fear, and that they do not have the qualifications to comment on her appearance. They have very little concept of what real beauty is, only what society has force-fed them about what beauty should look like since they were infants, and they mock anything that falls outside of that narrow point of view.

Remind her to keep that in mind, and defy the norm, and be nice, even when the urge to take cheap shots is strong. Highschool years can be brutal, and she could save someone's life that way.

Excellent advice! Thank you. :)

Wavybrunetteuk
July 27th, 2017, 07:50 AM
My hair is relatively normal but I've still heard a lot of negativity. I've been asked if I'm wearing extensions (implying that my hair is thin and ratty), flat out told I shouldn't have long hair, asked if I even brush my hair, been angrily accused of straightening my hair (weird!), and every hairdresser recommends I get highlights. My hair is just not good enough!

I am starting to feel bad for bringing a lot of negative memories out in people with this thread. But It also really goes to show that no matter how your hair looks, people will always get jealous and make rude comments. We are never 'good enough'. So I think the next thread I want to make us proud of our hair xxx

lisamt
July 27th, 2017, 08:38 AM
I can't really recall anyone ever being rude about my natural hair, but when I used to dye the ends bright red (it really didn't suit me but I liked it) older people used to tell me it was too distracting and I should just cut it off. now the only rude comments I get are about the length of it. people tell me all the time that I should cut it and donate it, but after researching it in the past I don't really trust most of the groups that accept hair donations :shrug:

Hairkay
July 27th, 2017, 09:04 AM
My experiences have been different. I'm black. I grew up with mother's side of the family hinting that I had "good hair". It's both type 3 and 4. My younger sis has that too but hers was finer with more type 4 and its more cottony soft where as mine is more silky soft tight curls. I suppose mother was pleased because she didn't carry out her plan to cut our hair to about 1cm short. Hers is type 4c and extremely thick. She used to thin it out. She had planned to cut ours all off if it was the same because that would be easier for her to deal with many heads of hair. Extended family told us girls to never cut our hair. I know an aunt actually cried on her wedding night because she said her future babies wouldn't have "good hair". That aunt was blessed with a beautiful daughter with the thickest gorgeous 4c hair I have ever seen. Anyway this attitude is a by product of colonialism that some in the family are aware of.

I don't recall anyone commenting on my hair when I was a young child in the UK. I do know that mother said a cousin's wife who was white queried why I had the hair that I had and her child biracial child didn't. In the Caribbean when I was 6 children at school started to argue with me. They said I'm some Indian mix. I denied it. They kept on so eventually I gave in to them after all father did look the part (product of two biracial parents). My hair is far from straight or wavy but since many in the school had tighter curls it was something for them to talk about. Some older girl would come to play with my hair daily. I only started to avoid that because grandmother threatened me with punishment if I ever came home with my hair combed in a style different to how she'd done it again. When I got to secondary school someone complained to sis that I was greasing my hair up so much. I hadn't it's just that with it being so sunny my hair looked shiny. I did brush my hair a lot because the front hairline curls are tightest and I tried to get it to match the rest of my hair. By the end of the day the tight little wisps of curls would be up and out in a halo which I found infuriating. At that school I was one of the few to have tight curls 90% had type 1 or 2 hair. The girls mostly had bsl to waist length hair, some had longer where as mine curled up to my shoulders. Still a neighbour or two questioned my family origins. A change of school where most had type 3 and 4 hair and yet again some asked my origins. The relaxer bug was going around and 60% of classmates tried that. Back in the UK the Asian doctor decided to tick the Indian box to describe me on part of a blood test request form. I hadn't noticed but mother did when I took it back to her.

As an adult big sis offered to blow dry my hair straight. I let her. Big sis got all excited and said wow, it's long. She'd gotten little sis to try a perm a few years back. Little sis was picked on at a party because by then she'd grown out all the perm and was back to her usual hair. I boy asked her if she'd ever heard of relaxers. He asked her but not me although we both had our hair back in one plait/braid. I got angry as I'm sure sis was too but I was quiet. Sis decided not long after to wear her hair in little twists which she left to lock up. She's now got hip length locs only the ends are still loose in little spiral curls. Now she gets some people asking her what she's mixed with. A neighbour of Caribbean origin told me that me hair was too short for my hair type, apparently as I'm "mixed" it should be longer. A few ask me why I don't straighten my hair. Mother decided it was time for heat straightener gifts. I took them and never used them. A few family friends who finally got to see me said I look different compared to my other siblings. One who as white was amazed that we can have such variety being black.

TatsuOni
July 27th, 2017, 09:05 AM
"Why do you have black hair? I makes you look so pale!" Well thank you! That's half the idea and the reason why I avoid the sun.

The next thing isn't a comment directed at me but I've heard it so many times, that one must have "volume, because sleek hair looks thin, dirty, ugly and booring". Yeah, I prefer my straight hair laying flat agains my head. I'm actually odd enough to not want volume and I couldn't care less what others think :laugh:

Obsidian
July 27th, 2017, 09:22 AM
I can't believe there are places where people are judged on their hair type or color. Its such a silly thing to be concerned with. I also live in the Pacific Northwest and hair isn't a big concern here. You see all kinds, colors and textures. Even people who have terrible over processed hair aren't judged by it.

Growing up I thought I had horrible frizzy hair, it always looked bad but I never got any negative attention from. Turns out I had curls that no one else in the family had and we didn't know how to care for it. Everyone seems to love how thick my hair is, probably more than I do lol.

Cg
July 27th, 2017, 10:16 AM
...

Generally, I feel that most people are nice or that they just don't care. :)

Agreed. No one I know would ever offer a negative opinion, for those same reasons.

Ankjo
July 27th, 2017, 11:14 AM
:/ ahh dear. They're just a super jealous I think.

Haha! Yes, you're probably right! :lol:
Lovely hair you got there! :)

Cherriezzzzz
July 27th, 2017, 12:04 PM
My husband affectionately calls me lion head :soapbox:
No one else's opinion matters to me...

BookishRay
July 27th, 2017, 01:15 PM
I guess I have been one of the lucky ones. I've either never received or never paid attention to negative attention at least where my hair is concerned.

My grandmother had very thin and very fine hair which she couldn't grow long and had to keep teased to keep her scalp covered. She exerted a lot of pressure on my mother to keep her super thick hair long. As a matter of fact the one time my mother cut her hair "short" (BSL!) my grandmother cried every time she saw my mother for weeks. My mother was in her 30s at the time. Having grown up with that much attention put on her hair, my mother always let my sister and me have our hair however we wished although dying was not an option until our late teens. During school, appearance was never my focus so while I was "neat and clean" that was about the extent of my effort. Evidently no one noticed me enough to rag me or didn't think I was worth the effort to harass. As for hair dressers, most attention has revolved around the fact that my hair is fine, but thick. "You have so much hair for your head" no matter the length seems to have been the main comment.

*Wednesday*
July 27th, 2017, 02:03 PM
Stigma about “different” hair? What is different? Different is not common. This depends on what region of the world you live and what is considered the standard of beauty and fashion. In the America’s (North, Central and South) is and always has been Eurocentric. European phenotypes have been the bar for beauty. This is what is marketed in this region of the world which is heavily ethnic and integrated ethnically. We all have hair that is a dime a dozen. Smooth, straight hair is what is considered “Ideal” not different.

Chromis
July 27th, 2017, 02:30 PM
Most people aren't like that here in the Pacific northwest, USA. We're more the "you do you, I'll do me" type.

Ditto for here. If I moved somewhere that judgy, I'd be moving again right quick!

ExpectoPatronum
July 27th, 2017, 02:34 PM
Where I live, people don't really care.

But back where I grew up...-sigh-

I'd get people complimenting my hair and asking what I do to make it look nice. I'll tell them I don't brush it and wash it twice a week and the look they give me followed by a "that's just neglect." Yet you just told me how nice my hair looks? :rolleyes:

Shanawavy
July 27th, 2017, 03:25 PM
When I was growing up you could 'only' have long hair if it was already thick hair. Fine hair had to be kept short, unless it was permed. Fine and wavy hair like mine also had to be kept short because it was neither poker straight or uniformly curly. Long hair was actually rare. I do have a lot of negative voices in my head every time I grow my hair out and I wonder if it is because of having being given these opinions when young.

BookishRay
July 27th, 2017, 04:01 PM
Society can be strange. Fashions change and what is "social acceptable" changes. What used to be all the rage is no sneered at and if we survive long enough it will be in style again. Personally, if a person is a happy with the way they are then everything is copacetic... (...well, provided they aren't happy being a serial killer or something like that!:blueeek:)

Shanawavy
July 27th, 2017, 04:20 PM
Society can be strange. Fashions change and what is "social acceptable" changes. What used to be all the rage is no sneered at and if we survive long enough it will be in style again. Personally, if a person is a happy with the way they are then everything is copacetic... (...well, provided they aren't happy being a serial killer or something like that!:blueeek:)

Wise words.

Wavybrunetteuk
July 27th, 2017, 04:41 PM
Stigma about “different” hair? What is different? Different is not common. This depends on what region of the world you live and what is considered the standard of beauty and fashion. In the America’s (North, Central and South) is and always has been Eurocentric. European phenotypes have been the bar for beauty. This is what is marketed in this region of the world which is heavily ethnic and integrated ethnically. We all have hair that is a dime a dozen. Smooth, straight hair is what is considered “Ideal” not different.

I personally think there is no "different" hair anymore. People have a wide range of styles, fashions, tastes, backgrounds, race, religion... so of course everyone is different, including their hair. But for some reason, some people whose hair is different from their peers or the ideal or fashion at the time are left mean comments. But as I have seen from people's posts. It doesn't matter how your hair is, someone will say something. So it is best to just not listen to them and do our own thing.

raemarthe
July 27th, 2017, 06:30 PM
When I was younger curly hair was a lot less accepted than it is now, no one in my area wore their hair naturally curly, and straight hair was the ideal.

At a young age I got comments from other people my age like "Do you ever brush your hair? It's disgusting."
and "I want curly hair! But not like yours..."

These comments led me to abusing my texture with straightening irons and rough brushing. I put my hair up nearly every day to hide it.
I'm not exactly sure what changed, but now a days I get tons of compliments on my hair. I think it just has to do with how people view curly hair now.

rusika1
July 27th, 2017, 06:50 PM
I dont experience this. I guess I am lucky to live in california. As my hair gets longer I have more and more people asking me for hair advice.
My hair isnt that long, I guess, but I think that even if it was really really long, it still wouldnt bother anyone.

Yes to this from another (Southern) Californian. I've had long hair (classic or a little beyond) three times now, and I've never really had a problem with judgement or nagging from people I know. (And if I don't know them, why should I care?)

ETA: I was mocked for plenty of other things, but not my hair.

Aredhel
July 27th, 2017, 07:03 PM
I've been compared to the girl from the ring before in high school, but other than that... I'm from Canada and anything goes here, a lot of people have really long hair in my neck of the woods so it's not really uncommon at all.:) People tend to admire my hair a lot the longer it gets.

Emma Rose
July 28th, 2017, 03:07 AM
I've been called a lion and a wild animal before because of my wavy hair. I also get told how good my hair looks straight and that I need to straighten it more.

reilly0167
July 28th, 2017, 04:19 AM
I was a chunky child with curly curly cuuuurrrrllly hair, it was bad enough with kids being mean with the fat jokes and how my hair can be used as a brillo pad but also adults chimed in as well and you think they know better! And of course i did the relaxers, the blow drying you name it i didi it; then one day , i decided to relax it myself and did the whole head and destroyed my hair and had to cut it off to a very very short afro. Now that i am an adult i embrace my hair, texture and the tantrums it gives me sometimes. I thank my sister for showing me ( in my 20's) how to deal with it, she always have such pretty curls and i thank LHC for showing me ways to take even better care of ny hair and the support.

lapushka
July 28th, 2017, 04:21 AM
When I was growing up you could 'only' have long hair if it was already thick hair. Fine hair had to be kept short, unless it was permed. Fine and wavy hair like mine also had to be kept short because it was neither poker straight or uniformly curly. Long hair was actually rare. I do have a lot of negative voices in my head every time I grow my hair out and I wonder if it is because of having being given these opinions when young.

My hair was kept short until age 5 as well. My grandpa used to say if it got too long, that he would come after me with the scissors (not in such a harsh way, of course), but they liked it short. I asked my mom if I could grow it out age 5/6, in first grade and she let me. Little did she know how *serious* I was, and I grew it out to classic when I was 10/11. I always wore it in pigtails for school, without fault. All those years. In class pictures? The one with the pigtails? That would be me. And you could see it growing longer each year. :D

Dendra
July 28th, 2017, 05:30 AM
My hair was kept short until age 5 as well. My grandpa used to say if it got too long, that he would come after me with the scissors (not in such a harsh way, of course), but they liked it short. I asked my mom if I could grow it out age 5/6, in first grade and she let me. Little did she know how *serious* I was, and I grew it out to classic when I was 10/11. I always wore it in pigtails for school, without fault. All those years. In class pictures? The one with the pigtails? That would be me. And you could see it growing longer each year. :D

Haha, wow so this has been a lifelong interest of yours! That's amazing. I only became interested in longer lengths this year, so for that reason I've never had comments about the length of my hair.

However, after I used a box dye on my hair aged 13, the texture changed from a silky and straight 1a/1b to a mess of different textures, frizzy, damaged, pouffy, dry, it was shocking. People at school asked me why I'd trashed my hair. My mum's hairdresser walked over to me, felt my hair, said 'ruined' and walked off. I was distraught. Not to mention I'd changed my colour from blonde to a watery ginger colour. I love ginger hair now, but it was picked on at my school so from that point on I was forever on edge in case I was picked on.

During this phase when I was heartbroken about my hair (so dramatic, but I was) and couldn't ever get it to look neat, a friend's little sister cattily said 'Ugh, have you even brushed your hair?' Also my mum was also so annoyed at me about it and I remember her shouting at me whilst I was crying 'Now you'll just have to dye your hair blonde like everybody else'.

I was very sensitive about having lost my blonde hair, it never returned after I used that box dye, even though I always hoped it would. One day whilst sitting with friends one of them asked me 'What colour is your hair?', and despite it being the shade of brown and ginger that it is today I got all defensive and said 'blonde'.

Now I think that my hair was always going to change textures and colours, because of teenage hormones, and it just so happened that I used the box dye just before the crossover point. In childhood photos you can see my hair went red/brown in winter, and my texture now is similar to my dad's when he had long hair. I've made peace with it :)

lapushka
July 28th, 2017, 06:45 AM
Haha, wow so this has been a lifelong interest of yours! That's amazing. I only became interested in longer lengths this year, so for that reason I've never had comments about the length of my hair.

Yeah, it took me until age 43 to get back to classic length! I experimented when I was a teen and in my 20s like no other. I think I pretty much did it all to my hair. Except a keratin treatment. But I had curly perms! So I get the experimenting! I did it too. I'm glad you've made peace with it. :flower:

2gaits
July 28th, 2017, 07:56 AM
I haven't had "long" hair since I was a child as I've been addicted to cutting my hair for years. I think I always want something different. I've had a few comments from people that they like my hair longer. It was somewhere around apl to back before I cut it this last time. It will be interesting to see what happens when I grow it longer. Where I live I think longer hair is seen as desirable and I want about waist length so I don't think I will get negative comments about that. However, I do plan on stopping the dye as well and I have a handful of grays. I have already had negative comments on not coloring it. Basically that it will make me look old and unkempt. Well hear is to embracing old and unkempt because I think it will be awesome!
My niece has super curly ash brown hair. I mean super curly! I am so impressed by her strength to embrace her curls and color. She has never relaxed/straightened it and she won't give in to the pressure for highlights. As a result she has learned to care for her natural curly hair and it is healthy. A lot of it I think comes from her having her dad's curls and he died when she was very young. She is proud of having her dad's hair. I just love seeing a young person with the confidence to not follow some ideas or give in to peer pressure. Her friends all have long straight chemically lightened hair but she hasn't been swayed by it.

Shanawavy
July 28th, 2017, 07:56 AM
My hair was kept short until age 5 as well. My grandpa used to say if it got too long, that he would come after me with the scissors (not in such a harsh way, of course), but they liked it short. I asked my mom if I could grow it out age 5/6, in first grade and she let me. Little did she know how *serious* I was, and I grew it out to classic when I was 10/11. I always wore it in pigtails for school, without fault. All those years. In class pictures? The one with the pigtails? That would be me. And you could see it growing longer each year. :D

Good for you for sticking to your guns. :applause and you have the pics to prove it!

I managed to grow my hair out to shoulder length a few times as a child, but it was (and still is) so slippery that any elastic bobbles would just slide straight out again. Then I would get told off at school and would have to get my hair cut again. Sadly there were no claw clips or silicone elastics around back then!

Ligeia Noire
August 2nd, 2017, 09:00 PM
This is fun, mine was from my aunts and grandmother saying I was so skinny because my hair "was eating me up"
I looked like a widow, a witch, I would never find a guy, I looked too dramatic, it was too thick, too heavy, too long, I should layer it, you name it.... I had an aunt offering herself to pay to take me to the hair-saloon to give me a short bob style... My mom felt insulted, I felt insulted and this was like 20 years ago... I felt like they thought we were just poor peasants that lived in the woods and had no idea about proper care... I say this because we do live in the woods and my mom never set foot on a hair saloon or ever cut her hair, she only trims it herself.... so her sisters have this ridiculous mania of wanting to change us to be like them.... And, you know what? I actually am proud of my strength because at my age it is easy to not give a f* but back when I was 16, I stood my ground and never ever follow or even cared, the only time I cut my hair, I did it because I wanted to not because it would make me look fashionable and desirable... I should also mention that was a small percentage of people, most are really fond of my hair and very complimentary. But you get these once in a while and you realize that you are fine, they are probably not.

enting
August 3rd, 2017, 06:17 PM
I'm just trying to imagine you in a short bob Ligeia Noire. Somehow I don't think it would be what your aunt expected.

JadedByEntropy
August 3rd, 2017, 07:22 PM
The only time i didn't get bad comments was when i had burgundy shoulder bob that matched my work uniform -.- and i think then people were laughing too much to comment. Actually, i had a lot of positive comments as a little kid < 9 with long wavy ash blond hair, but as soon as i cut it at 10 years old....and we realized it had been growing out kinky-straight dark ash brown "yucky" "Like poop" for a long time....the rude people came out of the woodwork!!

"You should straighten it." "You are a mushroom."{they weren't wrong on that one] "look like a boy"
then came the colors...and people avoided saying anything except of course when it went wrong and turned orange or green...i did it all myself.
but as i got older, it became "have you EVER considered straightening it?" full of disgust from even random people.
"Donate it" started as soon as it neared waist length... which if noone likes my hair...why would they think anyone else would want it?!?

UNTIL i passed BCL and people decided i was a long-hair-freak and wasn't worth more than an eye roll. Granted, my wave pattern was nonexistant up until hip.
Now i just get rude comments on my apparent incapability of having any ethnicity besides English [i'm part native American/Swiss], and they can't figure out why i have 'mixed' kinky hair or accept that i don't want to henna/cut/straight-perm/ "fix" my hair.

sailortitan
August 3rd, 2017, 08:46 PM
I don't get flak from strangers, but when I let my mom know I was growing out my hair again (I cut it after a bad breakup to give myself some closure) she went on a thing about how our hair is thin and we don't look good with long hair. She gives my sister (who has classic length hair that's probably closer to 1bmi/ii) flak about how now that she's getting older and her hair is thinning she should cut it.

Com'on, mom, don't be such a judger!

sailortitan
August 3rd, 2017, 08:54 PM
I have gotten mean comments about the thickness of my hair (my hair is not that thin, a bit under average, but since it's 1a I have no volume as well, so it appears quite thin I guess). Especially when I grew it out, lots of people seemed to feel the need to comment on my hair. "Your hair looks thin, you need to cut it." "You should not have long hair when having thin hair." "Why do you straighten your hair? it makes it look even thinner (I have never used a straightener in my life)."

Oh man, that feel. People really want to tell you you can't have long hair when it's thin. (Of course, from the photo, your hair looks significantly thicker than my measly i.)

Gothic
August 4th, 2017, 11:09 AM
Oh my god I can relate to this post on so many levels.
I used to straighten my hair every day for 4 years because people would laugh at my wavy hair. I live in Central Europe, and every girl straightens their hair, if they don't they get laughed at or people tell them to brush their hair. A friend of mine stopped straightening her hair so she can grow it out, and a girl asked her why she stopped properly getting ready in the morning.
I don't really have a point I just wanted to get this off my chest.

JadedByEntropy
August 4th, 2017, 11:21 AM
Oh my god I can relate to this post on so many levels.
I used to straighten my hair every day for 4 years because people would laugh at my wavy hair. I live in Central Europe, and every girl straightens their hair, if they don't they get laughed at or people tell them to brush their hair. A friend of mine stopped straightening her hair so she can grow it out, and a girl asked her why she stopped properly getting ready in the morning.
I don't really have a point I just wanted to get this off my chest.

wow thats so mean. i don't see why taking good care of it isn't good enough, and people think it has to be changed constantly and look altered

Dendra
August 4th, 2017, 12:07 PM
Yeah, it took me until age 43 to get back to classic length! I experimented when I was a teen and in my 20s like no other. I think I pretty much did it all to my hair. Except a keratin treatment. But I had curly perms! So I get the experimenting! I did it too. I'm glad you've made peace with it. :flower:

Thank you lapuskha :blossom:

Rebeccalaurenxx
August 4th, 2017, 12:16 PM
Yes to this from another (Southern) Californian. I've had long hair (classic or a little beyond) three times now, and I've never really had a problem with judgement or nagging from people I know. (And if I don't know them, why should I care?)

ETA: I was mocked for plenty of other things, but not my hair.

Yup! I see plenty of long hair here in so cal! So it's normal here. In fact, I think the only time people made comments about my hair was when I was BLEACHING and it was horribly broken and unhealthy. Short and ugly. That's when I was picked on, mostly by family. Long hair is pretty expected here. Girls will wear fake extensions to make their hair look as long as ours here lol it's a fashion statement. I'm nervous for when i move to Portland later this year. Because though they're known for being weird, I'm not sure how they will react to my hair length goal! Lol.

pili
August 4th, 2017, 01:08 PM
"Medusa" <----- My childhood in a nutshell. (See picture below for reference.)

Ligeia Noire
August 4th, 2017, 07:42 PM
I'm just trying to imagine you in a short bob Ligeia Noire. Somehow I don't think it would be what your aunt expected.

Oh my it looked hideous, I tried it when I was 16. It was a long bob though, touching shoulders, damn. I love the 20s but it clearly it is not for me.