Almost Ready to Throw in the Towel

[Jamie Lynn 40]

I am sooooo stressed out with my hair that I am almost ready to just give up the idea that my hair will ever get to a long length. Right now it is 19 inches long & I cut off 1/2 inch on the 8th & now the ends are dry/frizzy/split/thin again. It really upsets me a lot. I stopped using cones, clarified my hair, use jojoba, coconut, camellia oil, don't wash it everyday, etc. etc.
However, I do color/bleach it light blonde but I am going to only do the roots from now on.Is it just hopeless for me to grow healthy hip level hair? I just turned 40 years old & my hair has been the same length for years & it doesn't grow fast at all even though I take vitamins & my diet isn't lacking anything. Thanks for any advice.
JamieLynn40

[lora410]

unfortunately the bleach is probably your main issue. A girl at work here bleaches and her breaks off like you wouldn't believe. I think you may benefit with a wear hair up for x amount of days so you don't focus on it so much. best of luck :)

[aries]

I may not be much help but my best friend does the same to her hair and whenever I see her I pin her down to a chair and do an SMT on her for many hours. This helps her hair tremendously. Have you tried this for your hair? Hers is at tailbone and in pretty bad shape but the added moisture seems to help make it more bareable for her. Also as lora410 said, you should wear it up and not worry about it so much. With it being dry and breaking easy I would put it in a loose peacock twist or something that doesnt' add stress to your hair. Anything tight is probably going to cause more breakage. Just my two cents.

[justgreen]

Using oils on my hair didn't help it any. Only real moisture helped, distilled WATER and HONEY, and lots of it. Oh and wearing it up alot, that really helped keep the moisture on those ends. That's all I have to say.

[Jamie Lynn 40]

lora 410, aries, & justgreen-
Thanks for the advice. What is a loose peacock twist? Yes I have done smt's a few times. They do seem to help but how often are you supposed to do them & how long are you supposed to leave it on the hair? So just water & honey on the hair will help? Thanks again.
JamieLynn40

[Anje]

I agree with the ladies above -- Like it or not, the bleach is damaging to your hair. Doing root touchups only will be better than redoing the length, but as long as you lighten your hair you are starting out with damage. Whether you chose to do so is up to you, but you need to be aware that you're going to have a more difficult time than you would if you did not lighten your hair.

As long as you bleach your hair, I can almost guarantee that you'll do better with protein treatments, which will help keep the hair structure strong. You'll also want to do deep moisture treatments regularly, because damaged hair does not hold moisture well (not that all healthy hair necessarily does, either). Like Justy said, that means real moisture -- honey, water, maybe aloe, not just oils. (SMTs are great for many of us!)

Finally, you need to chill out a little. We all go through phases where our hair is just not working well -- it's dry, or breaking, or stiff, or stretchy, or sticky, or shedding, or sticking up weirdly. That's normal, and it will pass with patience and good care. If I quit when my hair decided to annoy me, I'd be running around with a shaved head right now, and I think most if not all of our membership would have short styles. It's just hair, and bad hair days (heck, bad hair months) happen. Give it some TLC in the form of protein and moisture treatments, and otherwise try to pull it back and not worry about it too much. Don't stress too much about your hair, and it will grow. That's what hair does.

ETA: Do SMTs as often as it seems like you need one. I'd venture to say your hair might need them every week, at minimum. I'd say to leave it in at least 30 minutes, but 10 minutes is better than not at all. Some members (Katze, for example) have even done them for every single wash when dealing with breaking bleached hair. If it's dry, condition it!

[Jamie Lynn 40]

Anje-
Thanks for the info. I really appreciate it & you are right. I just get impatient I guess sometimes. I will take your advice about the honey & smt's & try really hard not to worry. Maybe I will reach my goal someday....I hope so anyway.
JamieLynn40

[Melisande]

Are you sure light blonde is the only flattering color for you? Can't you compromise somehow and find another hair color that is less stressful to your hair? A color that is closer to your natural color, or that can be reached by more gentle means than bleach.

Bleach is so hard on the hair.

[Fencai]

my best friend bleaches her hair every two weeks (sometimes sooner) and has waist length hair.
She does have a lot of damage, but the one thing that keeps her going is Bone Marrow treatments.
Im not sure where you are located, but you can get it at Sally's Beauty Supply. Its super cheap and easy to do, you just put it in on damp hair put a shower cap over it, leave it on for about 20 mins and then rinse.

it does smell kinda funky, but it works. I used it when I used to bleach.

she also puts just straight conditioner in her hair if it feels dry. She'll take a small amount, rub it in her palms and then smooth through hair and leave it in. She says some days you just have to deal with it not looking great and wearing a ponytail.
she only washes every 4 days.

[Periwinkle]

How much lighter than your natural colour do you want your hair? I've not done it myself, but I've seen some pretty impressive results achieved with honey lightening. There's a thread on it somewhere - you might want to check it out. If you can achieve the results you want with honey, then you'll cut out a lot of damage from bleach.

[Jamie Lynn 40]

Well I used to have very light blonde hair as a kid, but as I got older & had my daughter, my hair got a lot darker. I just look so much older & washed out if I don't have the light blonde.I wish I could pull off a darker color, I know it would be so much better for my hair. But since I am only going to do the roots, maybe it won't be as bad for it. I think I will try the bone marrow from Sally's. Is it a protein treatment or a leave-in? Thanks a lot for the advice all of you.
JamieLynn40

[Curlsgirl]

When I first came here my hair was bleached though I only used a one process box color I had used it many times over all of my hair. It was about your length too. I started getting trims of about 1 to 2 inches every couple of months cutting off all new growth really for a bit to get rid of the worst damage, stopped ironing and blowdrying and went to a darker, less damaging color and did it ONLY on the roots.

About 8 months ago I decided that I missed the blond so I went back to the hairdresser and got some highlights (Aveda which I LOVE). I stopped the base color and now I get the highlights/lowlights ONLY on the roots. My hair is about 30 inches long now and looks very healthy. Don't get discouraged. You will go through ups and downs and hating your hair and loving it and so on but if you really want long hair it will be worth the effort. It may be damaged on the ends for a while though since hair grows about 1/2 inch per month with 19 inches of damage it will take a while to cut it all off. I wore my hair up almost all the time until it really started looking better. I really babied it and still do for the most part though I have been able to stop so many DTs and things. I found my hair needed moisture more than anything. I never did very many protein treatments. It is easy to go over on the protein but not so much the moisture. I would do a really really good protein treatment once a month followed by a deep moisture treatment for a while but moisture including a good leave in every single chance you get. SMTs really helped me but I could not use the honey, it made my hair crunchy and dry for some reason, still does. I did the SMTs without the honey.

[spidermom]

I have my doubts that your goal of 50" is possible with bleaching, but with good care and treatments, you should be able to reach waist, maybe even tailbone. Your hair would probably benefit from doing a protein treatment followed by a moisture treatment. My hair stylist uses the Joico set on my hair, and it's wonderful.

[Silver & Gold]

Using oils on my hair didn't help it any. Only real moisture helped, distilled WATER and HONEY, and lots of it. Oh and wearing it up alot, that really helped keep the moisture on those ends. That's all I have to say.

Oh, I couldn't agree with Justy more. My hair is almost exactly the same length as your own. I've had quite a bit of damage done to mine, to a lesser degree by semi-permanent haircolor but my main problem was when my hair was highlighted about 9 months ago - when it was probably about 17 inches.

I have all the same issues going on with the dryness and damage. The highlighting solution was too aggressive for my hair type and desired outcome and then was left on entirely too long on the left side (don't ask).

My saving grace has been to really be certain that everything was clarified out. Scary to do when your hair is already feeling frizzy, fried and dried. Then as Justy said, the SMTs. I've used them instead of washing and done more than one a week. I'm still playing with light oiling before and after washing as well as occasional use of cones, CO washes - but the single best thing I've done for my hair so far has been the SMTs.

The other thing is letting my hair air dry and putting it up when it is still slightly damp. Or putting it up very damp but occasionally unpinning to let the air get to it. This method of drying locks in moisture even more, I believe, by compressing the scales. If you lightly twist or press the individual hairs all together, they would squeeze together, the scales would get compressed, this could squeeze some of the excess water from under the scale that is holding the scale open, thereby flattening it more and the constant pressure would get the scales to dry in a closed position to help seal some of the moisture in. My hair is always softer, shinier and bouncy when dried this way.

Please try the updos and SMT's before giving up. Oh, I also micro-trim when the ends feel too tangly. Just the tiniest of trims will do more than you would imagine. I'm a bit older than you and I have every reason to believe with good care that my hair is going to grow just fine even if I'm still paying the price for past damage. This will grow out eventually. In the mean time I get to develop some mad skills for taking care of damaged hair. Imagine how easy it will be for me to care for healthy hair once it all grows out?

Hang on Sloopy!