Hi I am Becca and I hate my hair!!!!!

[BeccaAngel]

I find myself constantly dying my hair, especially lately. Changing the color more frequently than I use to. Maybe it's stress, who knows. But lately, no matter what I change it to. I end up hating it! Sometimes I like it for a while then end up hating it and some times its right away. I feel like no color looks good on me anymore. I'm almost tempted to buzz it all off. I want to be happy with my hair, I want happy hair, pretty hair. And I want to be committed to one color. Anyone go through this? Any suggestions?

[lapushka]

Yeah, I went through it. I went from blonde, to black, to red, to brown, you name it. And I was never satisfied and bleached it out or tried henna, and even indigo. Got the green tint to it. Did it all. In the end I fully ruined my hair. There's just no getting out of this stage until something major happens like a chemical burn and cut or something like that, it's then that you realize what you've done and been doing. At least, that's how it went for me. Ever since then I have let my hair grow out virgin, and it's been that way for *years* now. I'm even going gray, but I'm not touching it with one speck of dye for a long long time yet. In fact, I've grown a bit scared of dyes.

[Cherriezzzzz]

Can you stop coloring it? What about growing out your hair virgin? I've been every colour too, but I've been back to my natural for about ten years and it's the best decision I've ever made for my hair.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

Are you able to begin thinking of your hair as a precious, fragile treasure? Something that is special only to you and that no-one else has? It will help you to learn to treat it better :)

[leayellena]

try virgin hair or buzzcut. try for instance virtual hairstyles on hairfinder.com of course you will have to create an account but that should not be a problem. upload your picture (a pic like that on your ID card, without too much smiling and co) and there you can play with styles. up do your hair and forget it. play some games on facebook or read a book. this is what we call benign neglect

[pailin]

Just a thought, but perhaps it's not really a problem regarding your hair? I think sometimes if we're dissatisfied with things in life, it's easy to pick something concrete, like hair, and try to fix that- which doesn't really address the problem.

[lapushka]

Yes, like pailin said, there might be a reason you're "taking it out on your hair". There was a reason for me at the time (not gonna go into that, it's complicated).

I hope you can at least settle on a color (there's no color better than your own), and be happy with it.

[fairy_hair]

Just a thought, but perhaps it's not really a problem regarding your hair? I think sometimes if we're dissatisfied with things in life, it's easy to pick something concrete, like hair, and try to fix that- which doesn't really address the problem.

That's a really good point! Years ago, before I started growing my hair long, my life was full of anxiety and I was generally very dissatisfied with everything about myself. As a result, I was continuously changing my hairstyle, cutting bangs, layers etc. to try and make myself feel better. It never worked, so then I grew my hair long, "because it suited nothing else"... And now I love the hair I used to hate!! I also grew happy with just about eveeything else about myself since then, and I think part of it was because growing and caring for your hair needs patience and acceptance all along the way. Also, when you reach your hair goal, that definitely gives you one more thing to be happy about! :D I definitely recommend growing virgin and making an effort to wear it in a protective style most days. :)

[*Wednesday*]

pailin makes an excellent point. When I was younger, I dyed and highlighted my hair constantly. The girl who dyed my hair would say, "Are you PMS'ing again?" I know that feeling, you aren't happy with the color and go "color chasing." I think at least for me it turned into a habit. I guess I was never happy with myself. Unfortunately, your hair catches the brunt of your anxiety or insecurities, hence your post title. Think about what pailin mentioned in her comment.

I found this thread and thought it was interesting. It is for emotional trimmers but also people who emotional color responded as well.
http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=133490&page=2 (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=133490&page=1)

[BeccaAngel]

After my last hair color change, I think I've had enough of the chemicals. My hair is strong and I don't get much damage. But I don't think my scalp can take anymore. I think I need to try quitting hair coloring. It's best for my scalp and hair. My hair coloring is an addiction, I've been doing it since I was 16 and I'm 29 now. So it'll take some time and steps but I really do want to stop.
I want to grow it out natural but I don't even like my natural that much either. I do have a goal length in mind regardless of the color. I am set on shoulder length, which sounds good to me. Wish me luck!

[draysmir]

Maybe when you feel the urge to cut or colour, you can try instead to do something else with your hair? Like a different hairstyle/parting or maybe trying out a colourful wig? I've always enjoyed putting little braids in my hair and hair wraps too and leaving them in for a good while. They change things up for me, but it's not something that really damaging to your hair, like bleaching would be for instance. Or instead, you could try to change up something else about your style when you feel those urges to do something with your hair. Maybe changing up your make-up, getting a pedicure, wearing a different style of outfit, etc. could help alleviate those feelings without changing your hair :)

I wish you good luck with growing out your virgin hair :) I know there's a thread for people growing out dye and bleach, so maybe you can join that to stay motivated while you go through that journey.

[TiffPhares]

I so get it. I do this too and it's been a battle for the last 10 years. I used to always go get a new hair cut or color every 3 months or so, I've only recently stopped getting it cut. I have been growing out a pixie and it's now to the length that I can't justify a cut as "shaping it" anymore. I have started hennaing my hair because it's at least gentler on my hair, but what has helped in wanting to change my hair is I started getting a new shade of lipstick and just play with makeup instead of my hair.

I agree with everyone saying it might be deeper, about more than just your hair. I know I've been having a self image problem for a while now, I gave up my career to stay at home with my kids about 10 years ago and since then I've been trying to figure out who I am, like who I am other than "just a mom"...if that makes sense.

[browneyedsusan]

Becca, are you generally happy? Life is good, living the dream, and all of that? (I strongly suspect that something other life situation is getting you down and triggering an impulse to change your appearance?)
Try to drill through the situation, get treatment, or deal with it appropriately? Maybe you need something else to focus on? Perhaps volunteer at the local food pantry or animal shelter? Try not looking in the mirror? (Ya, I know you need to do your makeup and look presentable, but maybe cut back the time there?)

Hair isn't really a big deal to most people. (Even though this community fixates on it heavily, and I'd expect that. This is a hair forum! lol! ) It grows whether we like it or not, and as long as you're not WAY outside the realm of "normal looking", most people probably don't notice it much. I'll bet you're more known for your pretty smile, or fun personality?

I don't know if any of this applies or helps, but I hope you feel better soon! :grouphug:

[Stormynights]

The easiest thing to change about yourself is your hair. Now just buy a new hair toy.

[candyluna]

Ugh I know how you feel. Ive dyed my hair a lot too, and also, I hate my hair so much. But mainly because its not long enough for my liking. I have troubles finding the right hair color too, even though Im thinking of letting my virgin hair grow out. But the lenght is the biggest issue.. Its so hard to see beautiful girls everyday with pretty long hair, makes me sad.

Maybe indeed you should try to grow out your virgin hair and try to make the best out of it. Try different hairstyles, buy new hair toys, etc. good luck

[bparnell75]

Hi Becca, If you keep doing the same things nothing will change. Make yourself a Mantra,like: I am learning to be kind to my hair ad myself. I will not cut, color or do other damaging things to my hair for at least a year. I Am learning to be an adult about these things. Now say it when you are tempted to try another wild thing. The other ladies have given you some great advice.

As soon as you can make a Gibson tuck or a French roll start putting the hair up with pretty toys. Let style and toys be the focus not the damage. Spend the dye money on some pretty forks or flexi 8's. Sticks are for longer hair. Wish you the best....it will be worth it.

[Kat-Rinnè Naido]

You are always a bubbly person, excited to try new things.
It must be just a phase. (I know I also go through this phase during a certain season.) Try to focus on what you like and this phase shall soon pass. Good luck.

[LongCurlyTress]

pailin makes an excellent point. When I was younger, I dyed and highlighted my hair constantly. The girl who dyed my hair would say, "Are you PMS'ing again?" I know that feeling, you aren't happy with the color and go "color chasing." I think at least for me it turned into a habit. I guess I was never happy with myself. Unfortunately, your hair catches the brunt of your anxiety or insecurities, hence your post title. Think about what pailin mentioned in her comment.

I found this thread and thought it was interesting. It is for emotional trimmers but also people who emotional color responded as well.
http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=133490&page=2 (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=133490&page=1)

Great thread link! Thanks for sharing!!

BeccaAngel... thank you so much for starting this thread and sharing your frustrations! Even though I am not a dyer, (learned this the hard way with hair fallout and horrible results from the dye) I am an emo-trimmer.... ugh... :rolleyes: