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gallows_gallery
October 26th, 2008, 11:41 AM
Does anybody else have the internal conflict of having to weigh politeness and firmness when you go to the hairdresser?

Ever single hairdresser I have EVER been to is rough. I don't know if it's an impatient thing, or whether they're just used to dealing with shorter hair.

Because my hair is pretty long and chemically coloured, it knots like HELL if you don't condition it thoroughly, or if you scruff it up to shampoo. I know that they're confined to the sink, which means my hair HAS to scruff up a bit, but hairdressers always seem to just go nuts massaging and squishing shampoo through, making one GIANT dreadlock. You know how the hair kind of needs to stay in a straight line, then wash out downwards to avoid bad knotting? Forget it! It's like making mudpies.

What is worse is when I'm back in the chair after my colour: the detangling is practically TORTURE. They'll apply a teeny weeny spray or squirt of smoother or detangler, then proceed to RIP through my hair, dragging a wide-tooth comb down from the roots. I mean RIP. When they encounter a knot, they pick the piece of hair up, grip it so that I won't feel the pulling, and just scrape the comb through over and over, pulling out and breaking LOADS of hair, until it's gone.

Here is my problem: I like my hairdressers. I've had a few over the years and have been going to the same one for about two years now. All three of the girls there are SUPER nice, friendly and funny. They always comment on how beautiful my hair is, give me free white wine etc...this makes it really hard for me to give them a little lecture before they start about being gentle.

I really need to explain to them that I have fine, chemically damaged hair that breaks and falls out very easily. I'm trying to grow it REALLY long, and I want as little breakage as possible. If they could treat it like old lace when they wash it, or even let *me* comb the knots out, I'd be extremely grateful.

If I actually said this I'd feel a bit silly - firstly, for telling someone whose JOB is hair about how it breaks, secondly because it implies that they've been rough before, and thirdly because I'd feel bossy.

Does anybody who still goes to hair hairdresser have any tips or ideas on how I can get this across to them?

Darkhorse1
October 26th, 2008, 11:51 AM
I had my hair washed at the salon before and they offered to let me remove the tangles myself. Like you said, with hair as long as ours, it will tangle--they don't pile my hair onto itself to wash, it's just the length with those little sinks don't work all that well. My hairdresser's sink always clogs because my hair is so long, it covers the drain hole. :D

I don't think it's a problem to vocalize your desire to remove the knots--do this--say your scalp is really sensitive, and if it's ok with them, you'd like to remove the knots. That way, noone's feelings are hurt. Good stylists/hair dressers will recognize women like ourselves, who come into the salon with mega long hair, intend to keep it long.

Hope that helps! :)

spidermom
October 26th, 2008, 11:53 AM
Right off the top of my head (without thinking about this too much) - tell them you will do the comb out because you have weak hair and/or a sensitive scalp. I've never had this problem because my stylist uses a conditioner that makes the tangles drop right out of my hair with almost no resistance whatsoever.

Periwinkle
October 26th, 2008, 11:54 AM
Would it be possible for you to wash your hair before you go and go in with it freshly washed/wet? That way, you could shampoo how you like and detangle yourself, so that when they comb it through, it'll be easier. I don't think you could do that if you were getting a colour, though, since they colour and then wash, don't they?

It's not unreasonable to ask to detangle your hair yourself or for them to be extra careful. You are a customer and you are there to get what you want. If you want your hair cut a certain way, you tell them that, because you're paying them to cut it. The same thing goes for every other part of your 'hairdressing experience'.

cocolover
October 26th, 2008, 11:58 AM
I second washing it at home yourself. Some places charge for a shampoo, so it might even be cheaper. Or they could just spray your hair down with water to cut it....I would skip the shampoo if you like the hair dresser and don't want to switch.

hippie girl
October 26th, 2008, 12:08 PM
Growing up, a girl in my neighborhood became a hairdresser and had her own shop from a young age. We were pretty close in age and she was cool, so I went to her for all my trims. My hair was always fairly long, but I did have her do trims or a condition treatment on occasion. She was well aware that I wanted long hair, and never more than a tiny 1/2 trim or less.

when my hair became too long to handle in the salon to wash, we agreed to have me come in already washed and damp. When it became too long to comb, she simply asked me to do it myself. I always brought my own comb, anyhow. When the trims were too tiny to bother with a wet head, she asked me to come in dry and she misted the ends. When it became too long to cut in the chair, she asked me to stand on a step stool. Now, I just visit once in a while to chat.

I think any hairdresser who can't understand the goals or requests of a customer and how to work with them is not worth going to. There is never a reason to have someone pull a comb thru your hair, ever, and certainly you can always just say I will comb in myself. After all you can do it faster than they can anyway, you know how. If they can't handle you combing your own hair out or washing yourself prior to the appointment if they want to damp cut, go to someone else.

Eryka
October 26th, 2008, 12:18 PM
Just because someone is in a certain profession doesn't mean they know everything about their job. How many times have we ordered electricians/plumbers/roofers to fix things and have them more screwed up than before?

I third the coming in wet and brushed bit. It will save everyone time and hassle.

The only other option is to stop dying your hair or learn to do it yourself.

Other than that, talk with them. If they get snippy (no pun intended), walk out.

Delila
October 26th, 2008, 12:20 PM
...
I really need to explain to them that I have fine, chemically damaged hair that breaks and falls out very easily. I'm trying to grow it REALLY long, and I want as little breakage as possible. If they could treat it like old lace when they wash it, or even let *me* comb the knots out, I'd be extremely grateful.

If I actually said this I'd feel a bit silly - firstly, for telling someone whose JOB is hair about how it breaks, secondly because it implies that they've been rough before, and thirdly because I'd feel bossy.
...

Take stock of your needs, and make the necessary adjustments in your salon related visits.

Remember, even though dealing with hair is their job, the hair in question is on YOUR head, and ultimate responsibility for its' care is yours. When their work conflicts with your needs, you have to speak up.

I haven't been to a salon in a good many years now, but IIRC, I always got the best response with the 'my scalp is really sensitive, so please be extra gentle' tactic. I'm all for open and honest communication, but adopted this tactic as the least disruptive way to get what I needed out of them.

Hella
October 26th, 2008, 12:29 PM
I've always gotten the problem solved just by letting out one rather loud moan when it's getting too rough. That makes the handling gentler instantly - they've got to think about the other customers. It's not good publicity to have a sobbing customer around. :D

hippie girl
October 26th, 2008, 12:43 PM
Why even let them begin? It will only begin the damage and tighten the tangles/ make tangles that are small enough to get out easily before they start tightening them. Just bring your own comb and start coming on your way back to the chair from the sink. I'm pretty sure that will get the message across if you can't just ask to do it yourself.

It certainly is not salon pampering (having someone comb your hair), if you end up worse off than before the combing.

Forever_Sophie
October 26th, 2008, 03:42 PM
I really need to explain to them that I have fine, chemically damaged hair that breaks and falls out very easily. I'm trying to grow it REALLY long, and I want as little breakage as possible. If they could treat it like old lace when they wash it, or even let *me* comb the knots out, I'd be extremely grateful.

I'd say exactly this. I definitely feel for you, my current problem (& I have hair similar to yours) is that she brushes my wet hair :eek: She's the nicest girl in the world and I feel horrible specifying what I'd like done, but she was like, "This is my JOB, you don't have to feel bad telling me what you want!"

I'm not sure what you have done there, I get highlights so washing it myself isn't an option. My plan for next month is to ask her to comb it, and in the off chance she only has brushes in the cleansing solution, I'm throwing my own wide toothed comb in my bag.

Tangles
October 26th, 2008, 03:58 PM
I'm a very shy and polite person, but I'm not really sure why everyone feels such a worry about offending their hairdressers. Aren't they there to do what's best and healthiest for your hair ??? It's not like they're offering their services for free...

Eryka
October 26th, 2008, 04:03 PM
I'm a very shy and polite person, but I'm not really sure why everyone feels such a worry about offending their hairdressers. Aren't they there to do what's best and healthiest for your hair ??? It's not like they're offering their services for free...

Just because a Dr. has a PhD doesn't mean he knows every disease or cure out there. That's why they have symposiums, to update them every year.

Tangles
October 26th, 2008, 04:29 PM
Just because a Dr. has a PhD doesn't mean he knows every disease or cure out there. That's why they have symposiums, to update them every year.

Yeah, I mean I don't expect my hair dresser to have miracle solutions but I feel I know what's best for my hair so I can inform them... (I don't know if hair dressing is comparable to medicine exactly though)

hippie girl
October 26th, 2008, 04:31 PM
I'm not really sure what is so impolite about asking to comb one's own hair anyhow. If anything, you are freeing up some time they could used to return a call about an appointment, clean up their work station, you name it. My friend totally didn't mind and was able to return a couple calls to clients and never had a problem with using those few minuets to do something else that needing doing, or to just chat.

Really, it could be a good time to talk with your stylist about how much length you do NOT want cut off, you know? Never hurts to have a couple minuets extra to discuss that subject. That seems to be a pretty big issue here. That way their attention could be focused on the actual length of the expected trim, as opposed to trying to work through long, damp hair they are not used to combing out.

Couldn't hurt.

Eryka
October 26th, 2008, 04:33 PM
Definitely not but, most hair stylists are just really that, stylists. The cut and color is more important than the care. They can sell you a conditioner to preserve color but they can't make money off of a brushing technique to help with splits.

(Just think of how many times you've brought up a problem at a hair dressers and their only answer is a product. In that respect, they are JUST like doctors.)

hippie girl
October 26th, 2008, 04:38 PM
Really, it could be a good time to talk with your stylist about how much length you do NOT want cut off, you know?

gallows_gallery, I mean the "collective you" here, not you specifically, of course.

Speckla
October 26th, 2008, 04:53 PM
I always go to the salon with freshly washed, conditioned, and detangled hair. That way I don't have to worry about anyone being too rough. I also leave without having my hair styled. A trim is all I'm interested in. I have found a stylist who doesn't mind this and does exactly what I ask. I have no problems saying, stop or no.
________
CHEAP VAPORIZER (http://vaporshop.com)

EvaSimone
October 26th, 2008, 05:20 PM
I always tell the hair dresser that I will detangle my own hair. I just smile and say sweetly, "I have a tender scalp it will be a lot easier if I comb it myself." I've never had a hair stylist become annoyed.

I also come in with freshly washed hair. It was a little weird the first time I did it and combed it myself, but honestly I walked out feeling much better instead of worried about how many times I heard my hair snap while she combed.

longhairedfairy
October 26th, 2008, 11:26 PM
I don't know much about salons, since I only allow my own mother to trim my hair, but I would think that combing your hair yourself would give them a few extra minutes to attend to other customers/preparing your dyes/other things.

NightDaemon
October 26th, 2008, 11:29 PM
It's also interesting to note how many of our members find that something that's excellent for another member's hair is disastrous for theirs. So, it's pretty reasonable to assume that your hairdresser won't know exactly what your hair likes.

gallows_gallery
October 27th, 2008, 12:36 AM
Thank you all for your replies!

Washing it myself beforehand isn't an option, because I go to get a colour and trim, or sometimes just colour.

I think I'll play the sensitive scalp card, and just ask to brush it out myself.

I'm thinking of switching to henna and indigo for my dark brown though, so soon I might only have to go for trims :)

Tap Dancer
October 27th, 2008, 05:54 AM
Ever single hairdresser I have EVER been to is rough. I don't know if it's an impatient thing, or whether they're just used to dealing with shorter hair.

That's a shame. :( My hairdresser is gentle with my hair. I've been to her with short, medium, and long hair. I think it depends on the person.

Islandgrrl
October 27th, 2008, 07:07 AM
I agree with everything hippie girl said.

I think you have to set boundaries when you go into a salon. Be firm *and* polite. They have their way of doing things, but you are paying for a service. And that service should satisfy you.

My last salon trip, when I booked the appointment for my trim, I was really up front. I told the person booking my appt. that I would come in with clean damp hair that could be misted and that I would comb my hair out myself. I also told her that if the stylist didn't listen to me and do what I wanted done, I wouldn't be paying for the service. Period. They still booked the appt. for me, so....?

ChloeDharma
October 27th, 2008, 08:27 AM
I've always had a tender scalp and remember as a child the pain of a brush whacking against my head while it was being blow dried. As i got older i always told hairdressers that my scalp was super tender and if they hurt i let them know. I only had i think one be snotty with me about it.
When i was hairdressing i was really conscious of not causing discomfort to a client or anybody who's hair i was doing and would have been mortified if i'd found out that someone had not said something thinking it might hurt my feelings.
Those sinks are a nightmre with long hair so it does tangle very easily no matter how carefull you try to be. But you said they are really nice to you, i'm sure that if you explained that combing causes you pain very easily and offer to show them how it's done on long hair they will be happy to learn and/or just let you detangle yourself.

Rennie
October 27th, 2008, 01:48 PM
Does anybody else have the internal conflict of having to weigh politeness and firmness when you go to the hairdresser?

Ever single hairdresser I have EVER been to is rough. I don't know if it's an impatient thing, or whether they're just used to dealing with shorter hair.

Ohhhhhh yes for both. I have been absent from LHC since July due to a bad haircut. Here's the reason why. I had my hair dyed professionally, after some foils I didn't care for. I was mortified watching her scrape through my hair with a small toothed comb to even out the color. She was getting the tangles out as well as applying more dye with the comb. I was getting foils covered (lightish caramel..to a dark brown). I thought my hair could handle it. It didn't.

I noticed a while afterwards the many, many split ends, crispy chunks and had no choice but to get.....layers. I cried and cried, but it was either layers or a short chop.

I had JUST grown out layers last year and was so happy to have one length again. The shortest layer was cheek level (about 10") and my longest layer was 24". :o I am finally just getting over it months later and have come back to LHC. I am now at my longest layer of just over 26" and shortest of 14.5". So that's a pretty average growth for the longest but the shorter layers seem to be taking off :).

I have very thick hair, and lots of it. I've actually had hairdressers try pinning up my hair to trim and get a little nervous and just stand back and look at my hair and say "Wow, you have alot of hair." :poot: I feel like some haircuts have been "half done" because of this. It makes me feel bad for having so much hair, and have to remind them everytime they ask.. "no I don't want it thinned out or razored out because I have sooo much".

I know now I should have stood up for myself and ask if she not use the small toothed comb as it would damage my hair. I am not, not, not having my hair touched again for a long time by anyone. I seriously cried all night long after I got the cut. It's getting better now and am finally fine with it all.. kinda lol.

Curlsgirl
October 27th, 2008, 07:01 PM
My stylist LOVES it that I get my tangles out myself and also that I don't get it styled after! She can do my hair in much less time that way! I get highlights touched up only on the roots. I let her try to do it the first time and even though I think she really tried she didn't understand optimum detangling. I doubt many do besides here at LHC including hair stylists.