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View Full Version : "Everyone I've ever known w/ hair that long was holding onto something psychological"



CatstyleMBelleK
March 21st, 2008, 11:12 PM
Has anyone ever heard a variation of this? A guy I work with told me this the other day. I was re-sticking my hair, and I shook it out for a second... He came up and said "You know, whatever you're holding onto, you should just let it go"

I said, "I'm sorry, what?"

And then he says "Everyone I've ever known with hair that long was holding on to something, you know, psychological. Whatever yours is, you should just let it go. It'd be therapeutic to cut your hair."

:ponder:

Now, I know the "I can't believe the personal remarks people make about longhairs!" thing has been done to death, and while I found the remark inappropriate, I mention it so we can talk about a larger issue.

The truth is, he was kinda right.

I don't know if this is me "holding onto" something -- but I think that my hair symbolizes some things I went through with my parents' divorce and subsequent vicious custody battles. Basically my father fought for & won sole custody, simply because he had more money for lawyers than my mother did at the time - for him, especially, it was about "winning". So until I was 12 or 13 I grew up with him. It was his idea for me to cut the TB-length hair I had as a child, saying it was too hard to care for.

Some of you may remember that my mom has had terminal-length hair since before I was born. I may or may not have mentioned before that my mom's long hair has been a recurring symbol of her in dreams for me - Since childhood I've dreamt that she cuts her hair, and its always a distressing dream (followed by other weird things). You get the idea...

Basically, yes, I think my own long hair, even my collection & making of hair toys, has to do with some kind of identification with her. I think its also something that makes me feel closer to her even though our relationship as adults is very strained, etc.

I don't know that all that means I should cut my hair though. (I am not considering a cut, by the way) I mean, is it a bad thing to have an outward symbol of some things like that?

Its like getting a tattoo, only its not a tattoo, right?

Thoughts? Does your hair symbolize anything to you?

jojo
March 21st, 2008, 11:21 PM
I understand where you are coming from with this i suppose for me, i do use my hair as a comfort blanket. Although i can come across as loud and upfront at times i am quite shy in real life and i suppose my hair gives me something to hide behind. I suppose if i psychoanalyzed it deeper, i could look at when i was a child i had long hair and this was when i felt comfortable. now as an adult im expected to act in a certain way, just because my outside bits have changed im still the same inside. If that makes sense, im sure sigmund freud would have had some theory as to why we hold on to long hair!

I do think though the chap who said that was very rude.

MadHatter
March 21st, 2008, 11:22 PM
Not a bad thing at all, as long as it isn't hindering you.
I don't suppose my hair is a representative of anything in particular. I just like how it looks long.
But dang, that coworker.. That comment was out of line, if you ask me. Even if you are holding on to something by keeping long hair, it isn't his place to tell you to let go and cut your hair.
I think, if someone said that to me I'd reply (sarcastically) with "Oh, well thank you for your insight, DOCTOR, even though I didn't ask for it. By the way, can I see your credentials?"

I was editing (wanted my post to be more coherent) while you were replying, Catstyle. Maybe I'd be more forgiving if I was friendly with the person. Not much more, though, lol.

akurah
March 21st, 2008, 11:25 PM
Wow. I'd love to meet that guy.

Long hair, holding onto something? At best, for me, psychologically, growing out my hair is a practice in self control. I have had to fight the urge to cut it into some funky style, or to bleach it into oblivion to dye it pink afterwards, or the like. And even that's a bit of a stretch.

Now I could see how this could be the case for some people, but to make such a blanket statement? Boggles my mind.

I think long hair is pretty and I want to be able to do cool hairstyles. It isn't much different than a girl doing something like, say, amassing a huge collection of makeup so she can do different styles of makeup.

CatstyleMBelleK
March 21st, 2008, 11:25 PM
Not a bad thing at all, as long as it isn't hindering you.
I don't suppose my hair is a representative of anything in particular. I just like how it looks long.
But dang, that coworker.. That comment was out of line, if you ask me. Even if you are holding on to something by keeping long hair, it isn't his place to tell you to let go and cut your hair.
This is just me, but I would say (sarcastically) to someone like that "Oh, well thank you for your insight, DOCTOR. By the way, can I see your credentials?"

Well, we're friends, I guess... We talk about stuff, you know how you do at work when you don't have a lot to do, you get into deep discussions with people who you wouldn't hang out with outside of work? Like that.

Believe me, I was caught off-guard by it, but at the same time it was like "You know, you kind of have a point there...."

Catladyintown
March 21st, 2008, 11:26 PM
Hi CatstyleMBelleK. "Thoughts? Does your hair symbolize anything to you?" My hair symbolize the Freedom to do what I want. And know one will tell me how too grow my hair. If I want it clean that day or dirty it is up to me alone. Catladyintown

longhairedfairy
March 21st, 2008, 11:26 PM
Well, maybe it's something you want to hold on to. I like to hold on to good things.

That guy was unbelievably rude.

AquaViolet1973
March 21st, 2008, 11:32 PM
Has anyone ever heard a variation of this? A guy I work with told me this the other day. I was re-sticking my hair, and I shook it out for a second... He came up and said "You know, whatever you're holding onto, you should just let it go"

I said, "I'm sorry, what?"

And then he says "Everyone I've ever known with hair that long was holding on to something, you know, psychological. Whatever yours is, you should just let it go. It'd be therapeutic to cut your hair."



Therapeutic to cut my long hair? :confused: I don't agree with that philosophy. It is not true for everyone. I know for myself that my long hair doesn't mean I am "holding onto something".
Maybe for some people that is true, but definately not for all longhairs. Definately not for me.

akurah
March 21st, 2008, 11:34 PM
On the therapeutic to cut long hair vein, I've known longhairs who chop all their hair off become traumatized by that decision and regret it for a long time, sometimes even after it's grown back to its pre-chop length.

That boy doesn't know what he's talking about.

rubyredslippers
March 21st, 2008, 11:36 PM
When I first read that statement, my initial reaction was an emphatic “no, there’s nothing that I’m holding on to.” But then, on second thought, a few doubts nag at me. Like my hair as a security blanket—something to hide behind. Or my hair as a sort of personal rebellion, something that my parents have always disapproved of—though in recent years, rather quietly.

But then I remember that I love the feel of it, the look of it, the epitomizing of traditional feminine beauty.

I think that any hairstyle, too, whether long or short can be argued against with the same argument. What about hair dyed a radically different colour from what it’s always been? It could be argued that the person is trying to cover up or hide from some essential aspect of their nature. Or what about a person who gets their hair cut religiously and precisely in the same manner each month, despite changes in trend? It could be argued that they’re holding on to something there, too. And people who change their hair uber-frequently? What are they so perpetually uncomfortable with, do they feel that the frequent physical change will manifest in some profound spiritual or psychological change?

Even if—and I’m really stretching it—your coworker was right, cutting your hair as a “therapy” is complete bull. Changing the physical isn’t going to change the mental. One needs to work through the mental first, or else all you’re going to end up with is a shorn head.

But that's just my :twocents:

spidermom
March 21st, 2008, 11:38 PM
I think you could open your mouth and say just about anything, and there would be a grain of truth in it. I can remember trying to convince my long-haired grandmother that she should cut her hair to be like all the other ladies her age at our church with their curly perms. She told me that her children would be upset if she cut her hair. So I asked my aunts, uncles, and mom if they would be upset if grandma cut her hair. They all said "no." So I told my grandma, and she said "sometimes what people say and what they mean are two different things." Now there's a grain of truth for ya!

As for me, I've cut my hair many times. Now I choose to have it long. There's really no difference. Whatever I'm hanging on to, I've hung on through short and I'm hanging on through long.

Nat242
March 22nd, 2008, 12:00 AM
I'll never know why some people feel they have the right to make incredibly intrusive and personal comments whenever they occur to them.

I've had short hair my whole life. What am I holding on to my growing my hair long? Um, my hair.

That said, if long hair evokes a good memory or emotion or statement for you, go for it. Hang on to it, by all means.

-- Natalie

eadwine
March 22nd, 2008, 12:09 AM
It'd be therapeutic for me to stomp on his toe, you have to let go of the frustration of such a comment in some way, right? ;)


Hair that long DOES mean you are holding on to something. It is called perseverance, patience, and more of those things. And comfort. It's like that old pair of shoes you just can't and never will chuck ;)

kwaniesiam
March 22nd, 2008, 12:14 AM
Now that I think about it, my hair does symbolize something to me. I've had issues with hairloss, and now that it is finally ending, I can do what I want with my hair and not worry about what it looks like or how much I shed. I can just let it be and do what it wants to now. It's freeing in a way, to not have to worry about your hair anymore.

That guy does seem awfully rude though. Who is he to tell someone to cut their hair or that they are holding onto something?

snowbear
March 22nd, 2008, 12:40 AM
The only thing I'm holding onto is my hair.

"Everyone I've ever known with hair that long was holding on to something, you know, psychological. Whatever yours is, you should just let it go. It'd be therapeutic to cut your hair."
Really? Are you sure, Mr. Smarmypants, that you're not just friends with nutsos? Additionally, would it be therapeutic for me to kick you?

Naluin
March 22nd, 2008, 01:06 AM
(Warning: Long post ) So, my hair isn't long yet, so what I think it would mean and what it will actually end up meaning could be completely different.

So here's what I think it would mean:
Having long hair would symbolize a peace between me and what has been the most struggled with, mistreated, and sometimes vilified part of my body.

Before deciding to grow my hair, I had never really liked my hair. When I was little, it was so thick that all attempts to comb it or brush it resulted in pain, until my hair was chemically straightened when I was about 6. I remember that being a painful experience, too. Getting my hair relaxed meant that I only had to be in pain for a little while every six weeks instead of for a little while everyday.

After that, it was mostly hairstyle that was the issue, as was maintenance. Not to mention that I was always being lectured about taking good care of my hair, when I didn't know how. In recent years, I always got lectured about how I need to do something with my hair and I hated it and I hated my hair for being such a big deal. So I alternately attacked and ignored it in an attempt to prove that it was just hair and that it didn't mean anything.

But it does mean something. It's a part of me, and it deserves as much care and respect as any other part of me; no more and no less. So I have called a truce and I am trying to make friends with my hair. Having healthy, long hair would be the physical manifestation of that friendship.

Hypnotica
March 22nd, 2008, 02:53 AM
You should ask him why he is trying to hold on to that stick in his behind...

Kuchen
March 22nd, 2008, 03:03 AM
I think you summed it up beautifully with the tattoo comparison.

This dude has just bought into the whole "ecstatic TV makeover" thing and is putting his own pseudo-intellectual, intrusive spin on it.

Buddaphlyy
March 22nd, 2008, 03:13 AM
Considering how many times I've cried or cringed after a haircut, I can assure you that it is NOT as therapeutic as one might think. He's rude.

sapphire-o
March 22nd, 2008, 03:13 AM
I don't know. I've always had short hair before this time. Long hair is feminine, mature and unlike my mother and grandmother as much as possible, and I'm not about to give up and become remotely like my mom. I guess I've always wanted to be exactly not like my mom and do things and make choices she wouldn't want. I guess I am holding onto something (I don't like my mom and don't want to be like her.), but letting it go doesn't do anything exactly. I don't think my DH would appreciate me wearing a poodle perm. :)

Melisande
March 22nd, 2008, 03:43 AM
What nonsense. We ALL hold on to something, have been hurt one day in our past, we all carry with us emotional baggage, unresolved issues and open questions. This is called human life! We deal with it in different ways, and that's fine.

These blanket statements are ALWAYS right because you can make them about every population and they will always sound "somehow right". Because we're all human, and if you dig enough, you will come up with some problem or something we hold on to.

If you like to change obsessively hairstyle and looks, somebody will say that you have a problem with your self image, trying to fix from the outside what should be fixed from the inside. If you cling on to your same ole hair, they will say you hold on to something.

Give me a break.

There are simple decisions of taste and style in life that may be connected to our overall outlook on life at the specific point of time where we are NOW. and there's no need to fix anything about it.

And absolutely no need to stick a pseudo-therapeutic nose into it.

Somebody should tell this guy that I've never met a person who gave out unwanted advice who didn't have a problem with his self importance.

lavenderblue
March 22nd, 2008, 03:54 AM
What nonsense. We ALL hold on to something, have been hurt one day in our past, we all carry with us emotional baggage, unresolved issues and open questions. This is called human life! We deal with it in different ways, and that's fine.

These blanket statements are ALWAYS right because you can make them about every population and they will always sound "somehow right". Because we're all human, and if you dig enough, you will come up with some problem or something we hold on to.

If you like to change obsessively hairstyle and looks, somebody will say that you have a problem with your self image, trying to fix from the outside what should be fixed from the inside. If you cling on to your same ole hair, they will say you hold on to something.

Give me a break.

There are simple decisions of taste and style in life that may be connected to our overall outlook on life at the specific point of time where we are NOW. and there's no need to fix anything about it.

And absolutely no need to stick a pseudo-therapeutic nose into it.

Somebody should tell this guy that I've never met a person who gave out unwanted advice who didn't have a problem with his self importance.

My thoughts exactly! very well described (and saves me typing ;))

Lisa-Maria
March 22nd, 2008, 04:04 AM
Agreeing with all above here, the guy's an idiot! Long hair is feminine, sexy and letting it grow as it pleaces makes me feel like I'm part nature, even when I don't have time too take my long walks and enjoy it.

iris
March 22nd, 2008, 04:22 AM
I've never had much luck with destroying symbols to get rid of the thing they symbolize. There is, for instance, a similar idea that if you're angry with someone (really angry for a long time, carrying a grudge), it should help to write out what you're angry about and then burn the piece of paper. I've tried something like that once, a long time ago, and it didn't help at all. I see a very clear dissociation between symbols and the actual thing they represent. Symbolic acts don't really do it for me.

Another example, I have a friend who was having some relationship problems some time ago, and the way she and her boyfriend solved that was by getting married. That wouldn't cut it for me at all. It did work for her to get peace so that's great, I'm just saying that for me, exchanging rings wouldn't make me feel like the underlying problem would be solved. I'm just not all that much into symbolic behavior.

So, IF my hair would represent holding onto something psychological, I'm very sure that cutting it would not resolve the psychological problem for me.

To answer your question, no, I don't feel that my hair represents the period of my life in which it was grown. I've always had my hair around this length, so I'm 'holding onto' 5-6 years of hair at all times. I know I have lots of cells in my body that have been around in their current form for up to 7 years. I don't see that as representative of anything psychological either. It's just how the body works.

Supposedly all the living cells in your body have a cycle of at most seven years, so in principle you are now a completely different person than you were seven years ago - but we are able to carry memories from longer ago than that. Which is pretty amazing and worth pondering in itself - how does the brain manage to store those memories and transfer them to new cells etc. That is a big question, but we can be sure that the body does NOT do it by storing the memories in HAIR. :D Hair is symbolic at best.

Iris

Faepirate
March 22nd, 2008, 04:35 AM
Somebody should tell this guy that I've never met a person who gave out unwanted advice who didn't have a problem with his self importance.

Hah! :D Definitely.

Silverlox
March 22nd, 2008, 05:00 AM
Naluin
That was a beautiful post! Thank you so much for sharing. And may I say, - you've come a long, long way! :flowers::applause

To me, my long hair means.. eh.. that I've got long hair! :shrug:

It is a part of me and one way to symbolise and celebrate my personal freedom and the choices I get to make. And just like I can choose the style and length of my hair, I can also choose the style and length of my clothes or what makeup, if any, to wear. It's all part of an outward expression of the inner person, or at least that persons taste in hair and clothing.

I've had both short hair and long hair at different times, however that made no difference whatsoever to who, or how, I was/am as a person. I'm me, no matter how I look. And I happen to like the feel and look of long hair. It's a wonderful and sensuous sensation. No big mysteries there.

This coworker really needs to stop watching Dr Phil!!!:rolleyes:

Stevy
March 22nd, 2008, 05:02 AM
Well, it's nice that he cares about you enough to want you to be happy and sane, I suppose...

I think there's a lot in what you say about long hair being like tattoos. I think mine does say 'I don't buy into the idea that everyone should have long ironed hair one year and short choppy cuts the next' and I'm quite happy to have it saying that about me. Not that there's anything wrong with enjoying fashionable hair, it's just not something I'm into.

Stevy

Unofficial_Rose
March 22nd, 2008, 05:02 AM
That is the trouble with workplaces sometimes - having to deal with random people who are nothing to do with your life sticking their face in and making (as others have said) intrusive comments.

People have quoted some great comebacks, but I expect you were too shocked by the personal nature of what he said to respond in that way. I certainly would have been - it's well out of order :agape:
Besides, it's entirely possible to do things for more superficial reasons, like e.g. long hair makes you feel glamourous and feminine etc.

FrannyG
March 22nd, 2008, 05:21 AM
I find it amusing that he said "everyone he knows" when making his statement. That's quite a generalization.

People's reasons for having long hair are as different as the number of people who have long hair.

For me, growing out my hair has symbolized "letting go" of the need to fit into society's norms. I spent many years keeping up with the latest hair trends, and now I've just decided to be myself. I'm much happier now than I was when I was trying to please the expectations of society.

quidscribis
March 22nd, 2008, 05:27 AM
I think if he'd instead said "Everyone I've ever known was holding on to something, you know, psychological. Whatever yours is, you should just let it go. It'd be therapeutic." he'd be bang on. This isn't a long hair thing. This is a human thing.

neenerbabe
March 22nd, 2008, 06:27 AM
Well, like my mama always said--'you can't please all of the people all of the time.' :rolleyes:

Saoirse
March 22nd, 2008, 06:36 AM
Eheheh. Whatever.

/deep psychological revelation

florenonite
March 22nd, 2008, 06:47 AM
My hair doesn't hold any real symbolism for me, but I do have several necklaces and bracelets that I don't take off because of sentimental value, which amounts to the same thing, but no one would ever tell me to take off my camp bracelets (except for my karate sensei, with the full knowledge that they'll go straight back on after class).

Saldana
March 22nd, 2008, 08:18 AM
Although I think his comment was a little out of line, there could be some validity to it for some people.

It can be a very powerful statement to grow or cut one's hair. For many traditional Native American peoples (including my own) people (women especially) did not cut their hair, except as a sign of extreme grief or something equally life-changing.

From a shamanic point of view, I believe that hair does carry memories or impressions of our life history. It can be an extremely powerful act of breaking with the past to cut one's hair. Whether or not this is the appropriate thing for you to do can only be decided by you.

salamander
March 22nd, 2008, 08:51 AM
I think my hair may be connected to my childhood desire to be Princess Leia. You know, go on adventures and have awesome powers. Not really ready to give up on that yet. I don't still think Yoda's going to show up at my house and whisk me off for Jedi training, of course, but that thought that I could be something fantastic and powerful, it's nice to hold on to.

Honestly it's more than that at this point. I've been growing my hair out, with limited success, since I was four. It's etched into my identity, what I consider beautiful, and the idea of achieving a long-term goal. I've never gotten my hair to grow to hip length, and I have been trying for eighteen years! I'll make it this time. I'll reach my goal, and I'll be proud that I never gave up, and that I found a way of achieving it even though it didn't come easily to me.

Issues, certainly, but nothing damaging. I'm happy with them, and I'll keep them. They're part of me.

freznow
March 22nd, 2008, 09:15 AM
I've been thinking, and the only thing I can think of my hair holding on to is... me! I wouldn't lose me if I cut it, but sometimes it's good to just be the same. Maybe I'm holding onto the fact that some things stay the same even if life changes turbulently around me. Is that so bad? But I agree with Iris, changing the symbol doesn't do it for me either. It's just not the same.

Wavelength
March 22nd, 2008, 09:17 AM
And then he says "Everyone I've ever known with hair that long was holding on to something, you know, psychological. Whatever yours is, you should just let it go. It'd be therapeutic to cut your hair."

:ponder:



My first question would have been, "So, exactly how many people DO you know with hair this long?"

I'm betting it's hardly enough for him to have done an exhaustive study. :rolleyes:

Sounds to me as if he's already formulated the theory, and is just looking for something to back it up.

biggeorge
March 22nd, 2008, 09:20 AM
And then he says "Everyone I've ever known with hair that long was holding on to something, you know, psychological. Whatever yours is, you should just let it go. It'd be therapeutic to cut your hair."

http://www.cosgan.de/images/more/bigs/a043.gif

Whether or not there is any validity to his comment is immaterial. It's one that shouldn't have been made directly to you as was done.

My immediate response would have been "Do you really think it will help? Your hair is short and you still have major issues". Let him defend his statement instead of you having to react to it.

And if you wanted to respond, I would do so by mentioning the freedom you have and feel with your hair as you like it, and the corresponding sense of self-confidence and fulfillment you have gained. And that you see no reason to let go of these qualities.

I personally would be even more direct, but tact has never been a quality of overabundance in my portfolio.

angelthadiva
March 22nd, 2008, 09:25 AM
Friend or no friend, I think his comment was totally out of line!

I've had my hair pretty much every way you could have it...Bleached blonde to black and every shade in between, I've done frosting caps and foiled highlights...Short bobs, razor cuts, all over layers, spiral perm and flat iron...I like my hair best now--The color, length and texture.

I was thinking about your post and what you were reflecting on about the relationship between your parents when you were little...I think your dad had hard feelings toward your mom, and by cutting your hair, it was (to him) making you less like her...

Part of the reason my DS6 has long hair is because I do (she wants to be just like me). Your story broke my heart...If keeping your hair makes you feel like you have a closer connection w/your mom, I don't think it's hurting a thing! Trust me, you could be doing far worse things than growing your hair long! :shocked:

cobblersmaid
March 22nd, 2008, 09:26 AM
I have always had long hair, it is just a part of me. So maybe I am holding onto myself.

EdG
March 22nd, 2008, 09:29 AM
And then he says "Everyone I've ever known with hair that long was holding on to something, you know, psychological. Whatever yours is, you should just let it go. It'd be therapeutic to cut your hair."

That's just a stereotype. Unfortunately, there are a lot of negative stereotypes about longhairs. Mostly perpetuated by short-hairs! :rolleyes:

I wouldn't put any credence into anything a short-haired person said about long hair. They just don't know.
Ed

Neon Gloss
March 22nd, 2008, 09:31 AM
Riiight..

This could be true for some people, but I can't make any connections with the things going on in my life (which is pretty much nothing) and my aspirations for longer hair. If things cleared up for me, it doesn't mean that I'd cut my hair into a bob and WHAM, I've successfully achieved pure happiness. I'm much happier with long hair, actually. :P

Wavelength
March 22nd, 2008, 09:40 AM
Heh -- I wonder what he'd do if you said, "You know, everyone I've known keeps trying to hang onto their money, and it's so unhealthy. Obviously money is just a symbol of something you're holding onto that's, you know, psychological. You really should let go of all your money -- it'd be therapeutic." :twisted:

TwirlyTresses
March 22nd, 2008, 09:47 AM
I'm not sure what the problem is with long hair symbolizing something. Of course it does! The anthropologist in me would say that most things humans do with/to our bodies are symbolic of something (whether that's hair style, make-up, clothing, jewelry, tattoos, other modifications, etc.). Even if it's conforming to/deviating from a cultural norm, those norms themselves are symbolic. It's not like long hair is significant but short hair is random and meaningless.

It seems like lots of people here have important meanings associated with their hair--for some it symbolizes a religious commitment, for some women it symbolizes femininity, for some it symbolizes a connection to the past, and for many it symbolizes beauty. I think if your long hair symbolizes a connection to your mother, that's a wonderful thing--and might mean that growing your hair long is therapeutic itself.

Delila
March 22nd, 2008, 10:03 AM
... Even if it's conforming to/deviating from a cultural norm, those norms themselves are symbolic. It's not like long hair is significant but short hair is random and meaningless.
...

And all those men who cut their hair super short because anything less isn't considered "manly"?? Not holding on to anything, are they? :eyebrows:

redcelticcurls
March 22nd, 2008, 10:06 AM
And all those men who cut their hair super short because anything less isn't considered "manly"?? Not holding on to anything, are they? :eyebrows:

*snort*

Oh, the mental image that just came to mind... :lol:

Elfling
March 22nd, 2008, 10:10 AM
I think I would have openly laughed at him, and asked him to show me his licence to practice psychology.

Carina
March 22nd, 2008, 10:14 AM
I'm not a believer of that theory at all.I'm growing my hair long because I want long hair.That's it.A lot of bad things has happened to me in the past. But my hair is not a reflection of that.

Schnee
March 22nd, 2008, 10:18 AM
Such comments I just file under the category "stupid things people say, including myself" and just forget about it. It is so easy to say these thing without thinking it through properly, especially if he watched too much Dr. Phil or something. It sounded smart, at least until you thought it over and all the flaws of the statement shines through.;)

My hair is long because I'm too cheap and lazy to have a fancy cut. :p

lorig713
March 22nd, 2008, 10:25 AM
I am not that complicated, I have long hair because I think it looks nice.

truepeacenik
March 22nd, 2008, 10:26 AM
oh... I'm replying before getting too far in....

if it is true (to him) that long hairs are holding on to something, then wouldn't the argument go that short hairs cannot make commitments, are flighty and keep a way out handy at all times?

of course not.

I know a lot of women get a drastic change in hair when they get out of a nasty relationship, but that is symbolic back to the Jazz Age and bobs, take one.

What if I look horrendous in short hair, or simply do not want it? I doubt I'm hanging on to diddly, aside from a personal image of myself with long hair.

Starr
March 22nd, 2008, 10:33 AM
I'm holding onto my secret desire to not have triangle head- cause that's exactly what short hair would give me.

Hardly psychological.

Anje
March 22nd, 2008, 10:43 AM
Ugh, the rudeness! Not to mention that his comments are totally culturally biased (not that we don't all come with bias, but still)....

My hair is just hair. I like the way it looks long, and I don't think I'd look good in a pixie cut. If it has any more significance to me than that, it's that it makes me feel feminine and sexy and seems a nice counterbalance to some of my more masculine tendencies and interests.

blue_nant
March 22nd, 2008, 10:53 AM
That's just a stereotype. Unfortunately, there are a lot of negative stereotypes about longhairs. Mostly perpetuated by short-hairs! :rolleyes:

I wouldn't put any credence into anything a short-haired person said about long hair. They just don't know. -- Ed

EdG, I totally agree with you. There is no way a person who has never had long hair can relate directly. One can always suppose, and then make comments like this ... person ... did.

I had a ... *cough* person ... who works at the same place I do, start talking to me about dieting out of the blue. I stopped her and gave her my four sentences on why I don't diet, and the last one is that to keep the same behavior and expect a different reaction would just be stupid.

She is a rail and always has been. She has no frame of reference whatsoever. None. Talk to the hand ... or the upraised finger ...

(NOTE: I have lovely friends who are "rails" She's not one of them!)

Same type of deal.

WavyGirl
March 22nd, 2008, 10:54 AM
I started growing it because I like long hair. I've since come to find the whole process liberating. Stopping the whole cutting, straightening, dyeing, curling, cutting cycle has been so freeing. I care less & less about other people's opinions on my image (I didn't care that much in the first place;)). I'm not holding on I'm letting go and it's been the best thing I've ever done for me.

ktani
March 22nd, 2008, 10:56 AM
I think the comment was presumptuous.

Sometimes hair is just hair but like the clothes we wear, hair length, colour and style are expressions of our own personal taste.

I have heard something similar said about men with beards - that they are hiding behind them.

Generalizations are very difficult - easy to think about and say but in reality simplistic and untrue and in some cases dangerous - leading to stereotypes.

I have loved long hair since I can remember.

I tried to grow it over the years not knowing how to properly care for it or have it styled and in the meantime wearing it all lengths in between.

I was told fine hair like mine could not handle length or being worn all one length - wrong - and that it would not suit me - wrong - it was just a matter of finding a way to wear it that flattered me and finding a routine that was healthy for my hair type.

There are not the fashion dictates that once existed - long hair is not restricted to age and people are not discriminated against for wearing a certain length or style.

Those years existed but they are gone.

Many people hold on to things psychologically - long hair is not a universal symbol of doing so, IMO.

meliora
March 22nd, 2008, 11:06 AM
For me, growing my hair symbolizes self-acceptance.

During my teen years, I struggled with serious depression and self-image issues, and my hair was something like my scapegoat. I have always been very aware of my hair (one can say "a hair person"), and my frustration and inability to accept myself were reflected in constant torture of my hair: coloring, cutting, blowdrying, trying so many different things. I never had the opportunity to just let it be and do its own thing, because I was always trying to change it in a way to like myself better.

I am 20 years old now, and I have been on LHC for a little more than 1 year. I wanted to have long hair in the years past (from 15 to 19), but all my attempts to grow would fail. I didn't like my hair, and I wasn't patient enough to grow it.

My lengthening hair symbolized a road to self-acceptance, and I sure will hold on to it. It will not be therapeutic to cut my hair for me; it would rather be exactly the reverse.

Patrycja
March 22nd, 2008, 11:15 AM
Like so many others-its a way to hold on to my youth and innocence.I'm so far from both of those right now and I want the times back when all I had to worry about is weither or not the girl next door wanted to be my friend.Now I have 3 kids,bills bills and more bills to worry and stress over.

It was also golden blonde with the tell tale signs of summer spent outside playing until the street lights came on.I have a certain picture of me and my cousins on my 8th b-day and I am amazed at my hair.It was stick straight and the pretties color ever.It was healthy and at hip length.But,I do remember the tangles my mom had to deal with when it was bath time.I'm willing to deal with that pain again if it means that I've accomplished my length goal.

Lady Godiva
March 22nd, 2008, 11:22 AM
http://www.cosgan.de/images/more/bigs/a043.gif
My immediate response would have been "Do you really think it will help? Your hair is short and you still have major issues". Let him defend his statement instead of you having to react to it.
This is the approach that I'd take, meaning turn the tables immediately on him and leave him feeling the pressure that he tried to put on me (you).

Or say something like, "It's better than what you hold onto, your need to get other people to cut their hair. What's up with that? Do you have a hair cutting fet*sh, or something?"

Yes, I'd say something like that. Make him squirm.

Eh... I'd probably just be more blunt and say, "Who asked you?" and then turn away, not waiting for a response.

dancingbarefoot
March 22nd, 2008, 11:24 AM
Long hair, holding onto something? At best, for me, psychologically, growing out my hair is a practice in self control. I have had to fight the urge to cut it into some funky style, or to bleach it into oblivion to dye it pink afterwards, or the like. And even that's a bit of a stretch.

Now I could see how this could be the case for some people, but to make such a blanket statement? Boggles my mind.

I couldn't agree more. If people made such inane comments about other physical features, they'd never hear the end of it, but if it's hair, somehow people don't mind? Baffling.

CatstyleMBelleK
March 22nd, 2008, 11:25 AM
Ooh lots of great replies to read today!

I think the replies which basically said "Everyone has SOMETHING" are right. Possibly its true that my co-worker happens to know 2 maybe even 3 people besides myself who connect their hair with something psychological. Like I said before though, for others its tattoos or myriad piercings, or shoes, etc. So what?

What I really resented was the implication that my hair is somehow holding me BACK in life. And I think I didn't really make that clear initially. THAT was the heart of what he was saying...

Does my hair symbolize some things in my life? Yes. But does *it* hold me back? I think that's a ridiculous statement.

BrianaFineHair
March 22nd, 2008, 11:38 AM
Many times in my past, I have punished myself by cutting my hair super short. It was usually after a very difficult and emotional time or over something I did and felt bad for.

When I think about it, I realize just how sad that was. I did not realize it then though. In retrospect I know that was exactly what I was doing. I would say it was probably 4 times in my adult life. The other times I cut my hair I did it just because I was never committed to having long hair.

Robbi Dehlinger
March 22nd, 2008, 11:53 AM
Hi!

Wellll...since I see long hair as a symbol of my femininity, I do not mind holding on to that? But I do sometimes hate how people try to find "sublimnal messages" in something as normal (To me) as loving long hair?

Robbi

Alun
March 22nd, 2008, 12:05 PM
The guy is an idiot. Amateur psychologists are a waste of space, and some of the real ones aren't much better.

Have you read about Dr Phil's background, BTW? It looks like he wound up on TV because he couldn't make it in regular practice, which is ironic, considering he probably makes a lot more money than he would have done.

Sure I'm holding onto something - my ideals for one thing, and to some extent past decades that I think were better than the one we live in.

You know there's another phrase for 'letting go' - it's called 'giving up'! It's just a subtle shift in semantics, or in state of mind.

Never give up, never surrender!

(Free virtual cheese :cheese:for the first one who can name the movie that comes from!)

Kirin
March 22nd, 2008, 12:07 PM
Okay, here's where I have to jump in!

Here's the low-down. Everything we do in life, from what we wear, to what we choose to eat, to the kind of houses we like, to wether or not we grind our teeth in our sleep and choice of toothpaste is................ ::drumroll please::

Psychological.

Every choice and decision you make in your life, your likes, dislikes, is all tied to a psychological factor. I would HOPE so.... or we'd be mindless idiots running around.

You do what you do, and don't think too much about it. If you spend your time reading into why you grow your hair long (or use a certain toilet paper) you'll drive yourself nuts.

Every individual makes their own choices, based on their past, from experience, wether for comfort, or pleasure..... there's nothing wrong with that.

Naluin
March 22nd, 2008, 12:16 PM
Naluin
That was a beautiful post! Thank you so much for sharing. And may I say, - you've come a long, long way! :flowers::applause

Thanks, Silverlox.:)

EdG
March 22nd, 2008, 12:26 PM
Never give up, never surrender!

(Free virtual cheese :cheese:for the first one who can name the movie that comes from!)Without typing the quote into Google I might add.

I now need to disqualify myself. :D
Ed

Robbi Dehlinger
March 22nd, 2008, 12:28 PM
Oooooh Ed!

I absolutely LOVE your hair! I will CRY if you cut it!

So what would a counselor make of THAT statement? (As if I cared)

Robbi

Advaya
March 22nd, 2008, 12:50 PM
My hair is absolutely not related to baggage, whatsoever. I just LOVE long hair, always have. I just find it beautiful and mystical and I love mystical things. There is nothing psychological about my hair in that way, whatsoever. I would have been quite pissed if someone said that to me! How very rude :(

Robbi Dehlinger
March 22nd, 2008, 12:54 PM
Hi!

Tho off topic, my mom said to me" Why would anyone want to become a woman if they were a man, to which I replied, "Who wants to be a guy?"

Nuff said with apoligioes to the gentlemen here!

Robbi

Morag
March 22nd, 2008, 12:57 PM
I'll have to make this quick - need to leave to do a concert in a couple of minutes - but I read your posting and just couldn't let it go (snort!) ...

I am 58 years old this month, and if there's anything I've learned in life, it's "Don't let other people tell you what to think!"

Everyone is the sum of their life experiences. That's what makes us individuals. If your long hair helps you feel closer to your mom, and that feels good to you, GO FOR IT!

On the other hand, if you have many people in your life who just drop pseudo-psychological bulls**t on you under no provocation whatever, let them go! That sort of thing is never helpful.

Hugs,

Morag

Robbi Dehlinger
March 22nd, 2008, 01:00 PM
Hi Morag!

Well, it goes deeper than that, but thanks for the encouragement.

Enjoy the concert too!

Robbi

Blueglass
March 22nd, 2008, 01:31 PM
With very rare and signifigant exception, I tend to let things go rather easily. The exceptations have no collation with my hair growth. So for me, I think I'm just a long hair fan. I also think on a deep level (paging Dr. Freude,...)I feel it relates, somehow, to my sexuallity.

Robbi Dehlinger
March 22nd, 2008, 01:35 PM
Hi!

I would rather page Dr. Howard Dr Fine Dr. Howard...LOL

Robbi

WritingPrincess
March 22nd, 2008, 02:09 PM
On the therapeutic to cut long hair vein, I've known longhairs who chop all their hair off become traumatized by that decision and regret it for a long time, sometimes even after it's grown back to its pre-chop length.
Exactly. In my case it was different, I only started regretting the times that I'd cut my hair when I found LHC. :shrug:

Robbi Dehlinger
March 22nd, 2008, 02:12 PM
Hi!

You regretted it? Every time a girl with long hair got it cut when I was younger all her frinds would tell her how nice it looked. I wanted to say NO! You should not have cut it!

Robbi

rhubarbarin
March 22nd, 2008, 02:14 PM
Long hair doesn't hold any special emotional meaning for me. I just think it is beautiful (plus fun to play with/think about).. and I am always interested in looking beautiful!

ETA: LOL I thought about it for a second, and I guess it does have a psychological component.. I mean I think long hair is great on men and women, but for me I do feel more feminine with long hair.. and I am interested in looking feminine now. Until the last few years I dressed (and identified) pretty much as a boy (or at least gender neutral), so this is another way of showing that I am, in fact, a girl.

Robbi Dehlinger
March 22nd, 2008, 02:16 PM
Hi!

Good for you!

But in my case I wanted long hair and could not have it, so I felt like I was personally attacked or insulted?

Could a counslor have fun with THAT one or WHAT??

Robbi

CopperHead
March 22nd, 2008, 03:18 PM
My friend's hairdresser wanted to cut my hair some years back. When I refused, he gave me a very bad time and then I could hear him telling my friend that I live in a fantasy world with my long hair. I was furious! My poor friend was so embarrassed by this whole thing. Even if I was living a "fantasy" it is nobody's business but my own. I am blessed with very thick, wavy hair that will take anything I do to it and still look great. Why would I want it short? Basically I'm very lazy when it comes to styling my hair, and wearing it long is the best option. I just bun it in the morning, and I'm good to go. Besides, there is nothing more beautiful than long hair blowing in the breeze. I guess that means I have issues. :p

embee
March 22nd, 2008, 03:40 PM
Who said they were holding on to it because they didn't want to spend the money? That rings a bell with me, along with the childhood "princess" dreams from my story books. I quit cutting when I was going through my divorce. There was NO spare cash and haircuts were simply a out of the question. So I realized one of my dreams, growing out my hair.

It's the best, I love it, I enjoy it. Yes, I'm holding on to something... a dream and my $$. :)

MadPirateBippy
March 22nd, 2008, 04:12 PM
I have my long hair because I love the way it looks and feels.

I have extra fat hanging around because I was repeatedly stalked and harrased when I was younger because I'm very sexy when I'm thinner (I'm pretty hot now) and the pudge is emotional eating + safety from men.

You can hold on to negative things with things OTHER than hair. It's true that some women with long hair are using it for something. Hair does store energy and the energy that's been around you will stay in the hair.

Others just find it sensual, decorative, an beautiful.

When I cut my hair I don't feel free, it makes me sad. I don't feel free from my past, I feel cut off from my roots.

Even if you are keeping your hair for an unhealthy reason, there are ways OTHER than chopping to deal with your problems, and if all you do to handle your emotions is to chop, it's not really going to work out long term- that's a band aid on a gaping wound response. You still need to address the underlying issues.

Just my two cents, of course, but i hope that helps.

davidvs
March 22nd, 2008, 04:53 PM
My hair being long only symbolizes that my wife likes me to have long hair.

But I do wear a penguin "button" (it's more like a cuff link) designed to go into a hole of a Croc shoe in my Keen sandals which I wear most every day. It's in honor of my mom, who liked penguins and had all sorts of penguin stuff.

What's really important in honoring the deceased is to pass along their virtues. Thus many cultures include in mourning tellings stories to highlight the person's kindness, humor, generosity, courage, fortitude, and so on. When we keep with us part of a loved one's virtues it makes us and our communities a better place.

Long hair or a penguin shoe button doesn't do that, but can symbolize visibly what is important inside.

CurlyOne
March 22nd, 2008, 05:20 PM
He's right, I am desperately holding onto the idea that I will not look like every singe 40 year old woman out there with a bob. Who does this guy think he is? Freud?

Who cares what you are holding onto and how you do it. If it isn't emotionally crippling you then hold onto what every you want. But for him to just say that a hair cut will make it "all better" is pretty rude of him.

frizzinator
March 22nd, 2008, 06:09 PM
I'm trying to hold on to my hair!

Even if he is an armchair psychologist, his remark sounds manipulative.

The best case senario is that he ran out of interesting conversation, so he said something knuckle-headed. Or perhaps he was just teasing you.

terriej
March 22nd, 2008, 06:16 PM
When I read the original post I was thinking...um, yeah, that's so right--short haired people don't have issues. /sarcasm

But then you know what he's saying is exactly like what they say about men with beards (men with beards are trying to hide something). My husband grows beards sometimes, because he hates shaving.

Hair doesn't have to be symbolic. I grow my hair long because I like having long hair. I think my hair is beautiful. I like long, beautiful hair. It's having a preference like any other preference. I'd really hate it if somebody analyzed all my preferences and I don't think Mr. Co-worker would like it very much either.

RoseRedDead
March 22nd, 2008, 07:20 PM
Never give up, never surrender!

(Free virtual cheese :cheese:for the first one who can name the movie that comes from!)

That would be Galaxy Quest for 1000, Alun. NOW GIMME MY CHEESE.

I simply like long hair. But it's also because I've never had it long, and it does provide somewhat of a (striking) contrast to my more masculine tendencies.

Beatnik Guy
March 22nd, 2008, 07:45 PM
I remember reading that part of Alanis Morrisette's reasoning for cutting her hair was about letting go of mental health issues. :rolleyes:

As others have said though, why would we listen to anything short-hairs have to say about long hair? Pseudo-psychology based on self selected samples? Yup, that scientific.

hrimfaxi
March 22nd, 2008, 08:19 PM
My hair is not a security blanket. I stumbled on LHC and decided to grow my hair out to see what it was like (it had never occurred to me before). I have some mental issues, but my hair is unrelated... though I've come to like it.

MusingFrog
March 22nd, 2008, 08:23 PM
So...does his comment imply that women/men with short hair have lots of issues and that is why they are always cutting their hair? And that those with long hair are better able to deal with our problems? (taking the comment to its logical conclusion and all) :D

tsf
March 22nd, 2008, 08:24 PM
Many moons ago I had a friend who had classic length hair. It was lovely. When she cut it I asked her why and her response was "I've always been 'the one with long hair' and I'm more than that. I didn't need it anymore." I missed her hair but I understood the response.

As for me, when I turned 40 I cut it short because it seemed like the thing to do and I was okay with turning 40 and I thought if I kept it long people would think that I had issues with getting older. It was my way of saying "I'm 40 and I like it." That was pretty convoluted. But I got over it and quit cutting it.

No one has ever said anything to me about cutting it, not sure why. (Maybe they know I'm not here to decorate their world??)

cuddledumplin
March 22nd, 2008, 08:42 PM
I've had short hair as much as I've had long, but i look way better with long. I'm pretty sure I have long hair just because I think i look better with long hair.

DecafJane
March 22nd, 2008, 08:55 PM
I agree with what others have said - I think his statement says more about him than it says about you, and other people with long hair. Why would the sight of long hair elicit such a strong reaction in a person? Interesting. :)

As for me, I am growing my hair long again for lots of the reasons people have already stated here. I am also sick of paying $200 at the hairdressers to look like everybody else.

I think that at this point, my hair toys say more about me - considering that I am collecting a lot of them and am still a couple of months (only a couple of months now - SO EXCITED!!!) off being able to use them. :rolling:

I'm so thrilled at being able to use claw clips that my collection of them is expanding rather rapidly. Love the hair toys.

bruteforcegrl
March 22nd, 2008, 09:08 PM
I associate long hair with feminine beauty, protest and my youth. I'd like to hold on to all three.
BFG

AJoifulNoise
March 22nd, 2008, 09:56 PM
People annoy me...



I sure am holding on to something... My hair!

cruztacean
March 22nd, 2008, 10:10 PM
I'm holding on to my right to make my own decisions about my hair. :D

Cinnamon Hair
March 22nd, 2008, 10:24 PM
It sounds to me like this coworker is an armchair psychologist & know-it-all. How extremely rude and forward of him to say that to you, whether it rings true for you or not.

I enjoy my hair, but it doesn't have any particular significance to me aside from liking long hair.


Has anyone ever heard a variation of this? A guy I work with told me this the other day. I was re-sticking my hair, and I shook it out for a second... He came up and said "You know, whatever you're holding onto, you should just let it go"

I said, "I'm sorry, what?"

And then he says "Everyone I've ever known with hair that long was holding on to something, you know, psychological. Whatever yours is, you should just let it go. It'd be therapeutic to cut your hair."

Melein
March 23rd, 2008, 02:03 AM
I can't believe your colleague said that to you, that's just - really impolite and unnecessary. I can't help but feeling, though, that hair, of whatever length, *is* a social signifier, and people will make assumptions about others based on that. Which isn't particularly right, but it's human nature.

Symbolism is very important to me, and my own hair does represent something personal which I shan't get into on the public boards - but it's a source of strength, not negativity!

Interestingly enough, I've been told that the reason I have long hair must be because I want to hold onto my younger years, as only little girls have long hair and I am too old to (I'm 21). Which I found a very odd, slightly offensive interpretation. *shrugs* I think it's right that such comments say more psychologically about the person making them than the subject.

Morag
March 23rd, 2008, 02:30 AM
Hi Morag!

Well, it goes deeper than that, but thanks for the encouragement.

Enjoy the concert too!

Robbi

Thank you, Robbi, I sang the concert and it went well.

Yes, I agree with you. Pretty much everything goes deeper than what we choose to say about it. However, I do insist that there's way too much armchair counseling of the not-so-subtly aggressive sort going on in the world. By "aggressive" I mean A implying that there's something psychologically wrong with B simply because B is not making choices A prefers. It's a controlling pattern of behavior. Such remarks have nothing to do with B's good, and everything to do with A's desire to feel superior. People who play this game should be ignored as insignificant whenever possible, or avoided if they can't be ignored. (I like what Alun said on this subject.)

However, I don't know CatstyleMBellek's friend, so his remark may have been a brief misstep never to be repeated, therefore not actually worthy of beheading. It's her call.

oogie
March 23rd, 2008, 03:10 AM
Sounds to me like he's the one with the baggage. Did a long hair break his heart?

How about an update? What's happened since he said this?

ilovelonghair
March 23rd, 2008, 03:27 AM
I never understand why some women cut their hair as a symbol of a new life, beginning of something new or ending of something. You can also do that by wearing your hair in a new updo! With long hair there are so many possibilities that you can actually have that new start all the time.
I always think it's a sad thing when women think they have to cut it because of age, long hair makes women look younger actually. And who cares what other people think of it.

Beatnik Guy
March 23rd, 2008, 07:53 AM
Interestingly enough, I've been told that the reason I have long hair must be because I want to hold onto my younger years, as only little girls have long hair and I am too old to (I'm 21).
You've heard that at only 21? :rolleyes:
:mad:

Elfling
March 23rd, 2008, 08:00 AM
People are so rude, is what it comes down to. The man who made that original comment is in the same group of people who would tell someone thin that "they need to eat a sammich" or point and whisper at someone with Rubenesque curves. Last I checked, commenting on someone's physical appearance to them other than in a complimentary fashion is rude, and NOYDB.

I'm always flabbergasted at the people who feel compelled to comment on- or worse, TOUCH- my hair or my tattoos. Even before deciding to really work on wearing my hair up to grow it out, I had begun wearing it up so people wouldn't touch it or make comments about locks of love.

SO RUDE!

akka naeda
March 23rd, 2008, 08:09 AM
That's totally untrue, no doubt everyone else says so too:)
I have long hair because I am too lazy to go to the hairdressers every couple of weeks to keep it looking nice in whatever style they think suits me, plus they charge too much.
I also have long hair because when I shaved my head I discovered that while it made a nice change I missed being able to plait it and do different things to it. (I was 18 when I did that and I was told by so many people that it made me look younger, but at 33 with thigh length hair I got refused alcohol in an off-license because I looked under 18)
It is the length it is because I am curious as to how long it will grow.
If it fell out overnight I would be sad because it had gone, and yes, I would miss it and hope it grew back ASAP but it wouldn't be the end of the world. Sometimes I do consider cutting it all off, what stops me is the fact that I remember how long it took it to grow back last time, and the fact I have all those Ficcares which need to be used.

Javadandy
March 23rd, 2008, 10:10 AM
Has anyone ever heard a variation of this? A guy I work with told me this the other day. I was re-sticking my hair, and I shook it out for a second... He came up and said "You know, whatever you're holding onto, you should just let it go"

I said, "I'm sorry, what?"

And then he says "Everyone I've ever known with hair that long was holding on to something, you know, psychological. Whatever yours is, you should just let it go. It'd be therapeutic to cut your hair."

Maybe he was jealous! Bwaa haa haa. :twisted: :stirpot:

I would have just said... right... in that low nasal voice that tells them the are out in left field. :D

I grow my hair because I can. I couldn't before for health reasons, and now I can -so I will. I want it to be long and healthy - there are so many awesome examples listed in this forum alone!! :applause -very inspirational!! -- Long hair makes me unique. I do some not so feminine things, like house renovation and tweaking river gages. The long hair is a balance. The whole saving tons of $$ on salon services doesn't hurt either.

Melein
March 23rd, 2008, 12:44 PM
You've heard that at only 21? :rolleyes:
:mad:

Unfortunately so. :shrug: Most of my friends and family have APL or above, layered and styled cuts (my little sister recently chopped off her lovely between waist & classic hair for one just after she turned 13) and I guess they just think mine unusual. Oh well, I intend to keep it long for many years yet, girlish or not! :D

By the way, Beatnik Guy, hope you don't mind the randomness of this, but I think your hair is amazing :)

Lilla My
March 23rd, 2008, 01:23 PM
There seems to be a contradiction here somewhere ...
If we are more likely to cut our hair when we're upset about something (I for one have done that in the past), surely the fact we have long hair and haven't cut it could mean we are just more relaxed about life rather than we are repressing something?
I'm finally growing my hair now when I happen to be in a relatively stable phase of my life and I think that may be more than co-incidence. :)

Arianwen
March 23rd, 2008, 01:32 PM
Hair grows...it's not psychological, wth? Perhaps we're just too lazy to cut our hair...or too cheap!

j4zzin
March 23rd, 2008, 01:39 PM
Hmm...

I had super-short hair UNTIL something radical happened in my life. The summer before my sophomore year of high school, my aunt and my trumpet teacher (He was a retired jazz cat. I took weekly lessons from him for 6 years, and we were really really close) passed away within a month of each other. After that the growing out just kind of happened.

However, I don't think I have long hair BECAUSE of that. As it grew I just decided that I like it, and it's kind of a tradition in my family to have long hair as adults and short hair as children.

Curlsgirl
March 23rd, 2008, 02:27 PM
I would definitely say I had WAY more issues when I was bleaching, chopping, ironing and everything else just to try to fit in with others. Now that I am different to me it has meant I am more secure in myself and less dependent on what others may think. I guess if you could associate my longer hair with anything psychological it would be that I LOVE feeling sexier, more feminine and more desirable for my husband. Psychological reasons don't HAVE to be bad. Maybe you should tell him that.

Now the counselor part of me would tell you to be honest with him since you say he is a friend and just say it hurt your feelings or you felt it was out of line that he would make that comment and why you really do like your long hair. It might help him keep from hurting others feelings and/or being rude or inappropriate if he indeed does think there is nothing wrong with it. Just my 2 cents!

loves2spin
March 23rd, 2008, 04:37 PM
Bless your heart. I think it is heartwarming that you would hold onto your dream of long hair because of your childhood associations. I think everyone holds onto something(s) and sometimes we express it in our appearance in one way or another, and sometimes it's not as easy to see ~ sometimes you get an inkling when a person begins to speak, or you can see there is something going on in the choices they make. We are all human. I know my desire for long hair is a symbol of something or other, but I can't figure out what.

Sapphire'sWings
March 23rd, 2008, 05:46 PM
Why is it wrong to hold on to something, if it has meaning to you, if it doesn't hurt you?

I'm holding on to my hair because I like it. I am holding on to childhood memories that I always looked better with long hair. I am holding on to the thought of having my hair as long, or longer than my great grandmother that I've never met (I've never met her but she does mean a lot to me).

Am I supposed to throw it all away, if it makes me happy?

I guess letting my hair grow long is holding me back from getting a stylish cut and I guess that's what bothers most people. For many, have shorter hair is a default or something sane and normal people should do, so it concerns them that you're holding on to something that holds you back from doing the right thing.

SaveTheTapirs
March 23rd, 2008, 06:55 PM
Many times in my past, I have punished myself by cutting my hair super short. It was usually after a very difficult and emotional time or over something I did and felt bad for.

I can relate to this. I have shaved my head a couple times and often cut my hair very short whenever I started to feel that something wasn't right in my life. I was trying to solve everything by cutting my hair, trying to punish myself, or make my unhappiness visible. When I look back on it, cutting my hair was often tantamount to self-mutilation, which I do not consider therapeutic. Growing my hair out is turning out to be one of the most therapeutic things I've ever done for myself. It just goes to show that you can't presume to know a person's feelings.

spidermom
March 23rd, 2008, 07:05 PM
Everybody I've ever known with two eyes, a nose, and a mouth have been holding onto something psychologically. Perhaps it would be therapeutic to cut off our heads.

B.T.Carolus
March 23rd, 2008, 08:03 PM
We all have a psychological history because we all have lived lives. Everything that we do is some combination between genetics (or whatever else it is that determined the building blocks of our personalities) and the effect of the life we've led (and as children been led through). If that causes you to cut or attempt suicide or become a serial killer, you should seek psychiatric help. If this causes you to grow out beautiful hair, or want to become a doctor, or love to drink camomile tea, or anything else positive, you should be glad and happy with your life. If we tried to stop doing everything that we had a 'psychological' reason for doing, we might as well just cut off our heads like spidermom said.

WritingMum
March 23rd, 2008, 08:33 PM
Oh, Spidermom, That is so funny!

This is such an interesting topic. Yes, we all have issues. Yes, hair is intensely personal, and often symbolic.

I have a friend who decided in college that her identity was too wrapped up in her gorgeous, thick, long, wavy auburn hair, so she cut it off just before her freshman year. That was her decision, and perhaps it forced her to grow in ways she hadn't before. She's a beautiful woman, inside and out.

I worked toward having long hair for most of my childhood, and began the upward trek back up my back (cutting my hair) in high school, reaching an extremely short length in college, then began the trek back down my back again. When my husband and I were newly married we went through some difficult experiences that really knocked the stuffing out of me, and one day I realized that I had no dreams for the future, and that I had forgotten how to dream. I decided I needed to choose a dream to work toward, but I was terrified, too. So I looked back into my childhood, and choose a dream I had always held in my heart, but had never reached-- one that was attainable-- and decided to finally reach the goal of waist- length hair. Over the next several years I did it-- and even went down to hip length-- And it helped to heal my heart, teaching me how to dream "safe" dreams so I could move on to riskier ones.

Your long hair has great psychological significance for you-- it helps you feel closer to your mother, and that is powerful. I don't think cutting it off gratuitously would be therapeutic. I would expect it to result in feeling even more loss. Whether or not that would be "therapeutic" would depend on what you did at that point. -- But cutting your hair is not a necessary step for dealing with the pain and loss of your parents' divorce and missing your mom so desperately -- especially not if your hair comforts you and makes your mom feel closer in your heart. If I had the situation with my parents that you described with yours, my hair would be long-- *really* long--too.

As long hairs we don't necessarily blend in with the crowd. Perhaps that denotes a degree of strength and independence in our souls. Perhaps we are strong enough that we don't have to have the crowd's approval or permission to be who we are.

Perhaps, just perhaps, with a greater ability to choose our own dreams and stand alone to fulfill them, we also have a greater capacity to experience happiness --or at least to know who we are.

morningstar
March 23rd, 2008, 09:49 PM
I know what I am holding on to. After all the crushed dreams, the pain and suffering, feeling numb and without hope, daring to dream again, finding the courage to enjoy life's simple gifts and believing in a new chance and the strength of becoming whole again. My hair mean so much to me. I am alive. It has become the symbol of the new me.

Whimsical wind
March 23rd, 2008, 10:05 PM
Recently I cut 5 inches of my hair off. While it wasn't much it was amazing the emotional lift I got from it. I don know... I certainly didn't expect it. But I was going through one of those "I need a change" phases so I thought "I know, I'll cut my hair." I got the hair scissors, washed my hair, dried it, and hacked off 5 inches give or take. And I thought "Wow, I feel so much lighter," not so much physically but emotionally, which makes sense, that would have been on my head for years seeing me through who knows what.

Adrienne
March 23rd, 2008, 11:41 PM
to me my hair symbolizes beauty. I think long well groomed hair is so beautiful. I have had short hair since I was 10. the texture of my hair. some people think is difficult to care for. my mother thought it was difficult to care for. when I was 8 she started useing chemicals. when I was 10 she cut it very short. ( and kept useing chemicals) I stuggled with trying to find a decent style ( and being the girl with the bad hair. and being teased mercielessly) for all of middle school and high school.
3 years ago I decided to go Natural. and grow my hair out. ( dream is BSL stretched) I think when my hair is long. it will definitely make me more attrative.

right now I am nearing the middle of my neck stretched. on my longest layers. shortest layers are UGGGG shorter than that!!!! BOOOO.

I'm growing I'm growing I know. I am working on my paientice.

Airmide
March 23rd, 2008, 11:55 PM
This is a really interesting thread. I'm coming back when I have more time to read all the replies.

I recently had a friend (with low verbal impulse control lol) tell me in response to hearing I was attending a LHC meet "That is the DUMBEST thing I've ever heard in my entire life!!"

Then she out of the blue said "I think you should cut your hair. Hair holds on to energy, that's your past. That's BAD JUJU!!" She thinks I should cut off everything that would have grown before I met my husband. (did that make sense?). That would leave me with hair far shorter than I've ever had since I've never cut my hair before, and my husband and I have only been together 7 years.

I don't think having long hair is holding on to anything. I have mine long because I think it looks beautiful that way. And because I've always had it that way, so it's special to me. I guess if I really try to find something "wrong" with it, I do enjoy the compliments and attention I get when I wear it down. But I have lots of things that make me unique not just long hair.

The most I can ever imagine me cutting my hair is to have more blunt soft U shaped ends. First I'm trying to get to almost ankle and trimming a tiny bit here and there. If I reached terminal before then I might cut it back to where it would have less fairy tale ends.

blondecat
March 24th, 2008, 02:30 AM
Yup, Im phycologically damaged, holding onto my past and Need to cut my hair.

My crime.................... I was meant to be born a Fairy [or a mermaide, I haven't decided :)]

Nahhh, i may grow old, but, I never have to grow UP.

Euphony
March 24th, 2008, 02:11 PM
Nahhh, i may grow old, but, I never have to grow UP.
Precisly!

At our LHC meet on Saturday Islandgrrl and I were talking about my weight before I lost weight. I showed her an old picture and I had a bob in that picture. She said she was so amazed it was the same person (me) and that I looked older, she was then stunned to learn the picture was 6 years old. After I left it dawned on me, not only did I look older then - I was older then. If anything, I was holding on to more baggage when my hair was short <snork> now I have a place to hide it!

ljc
March 24th, 2008, 02:32 PM
here's a response for you....ask him what kind of issues people have when they put in extensions???????
LJC

MemSahib
March 24th, 2008, 02:42 PM
If you ARE "holding on to something", is that bad? Honestly, I don't see the problem here. Except in this guy's head...

Alaskanheart
March 24th, 2008, 02:44 PM
We can say that about anything we do to change or to not change our appearance.

As long as it isnt a negative sentiment or holding you back then it isnt an issue.

As far as trying to relate to your mother , I see nothing wrong with that . Others change certain aspects of their appearances to rebel against their parents or society in general, and there is nothing wrong with that either.

I once had my hair cut because someone told me that me and my mom had the same hair (which we dont at all) Im blond , with fine light waves almost average thickness, shes brunette with course straight very thin hair.

edited to fill in a word that I accidently left out which left my comment very confusing.

Nightshade
March 24th, 2008, 03:05 PM
I'd be lying if I said my hair didn't represent things to me.


it represents how I try to be- natural and free of chemicals
it's a symbol of healing. I went through some rough times trying to find myself. As my hair as gotten longer and healthier, I see trimming off the damage as an outward of my inwardly involving self.
it shows that I take time for myselfNobody but me needs to know those things, but anyone as presumptuous as the arse the OP was referring to can take a long walk off a short cliff. Everyone has things that represent them self in one form or another, and to ask, much less question, that in a stranger is just begging for some verbal smackdown.

Anlbe
March 25th, 2008, 04:36 AM
Why is holding onto aspects of one's past automatically a bad thing? If it's a good part of one's past and is a positive force a persons life isn't it a good idea to hang on?
Saying that I'm not sure my hair length is hanging onto anything, I just like the way it feels. Also I think it softens the first impression people receive of me as I'm rather tall and strong minded and can apparently intimidate people - don't mean to but there it is - long hair provides a softer accent and is particularly helpful with children who in my experience have always respond positively to my hair.

Katze
March 25th, 2008, 04:48 AM
My best friend is still getting over a hard breakup and just cut off her tailbone length, thick, wavy, auburn hair into a "kind of bob." She felt like her hair was baggage and contained a lot of "old energy." I didn't get it, but this was her feeling, and it's her hair, so hey.

I think a lot of pop psychology encourages people to tell each other what to do. Ultimately, we have to do what makes us happy. If it's growing into our power by finally growing long hair (me) or cutting your hair off to get rid of old energy because it grows like a weed anyway (my best friend) it is your choice as an adult to do what you want with your body. At least it should be. :)

Alun
March 25th, 2008, 07:38 AM
That would be Galaxy Quest for 1000, Alun. NOW GIMME MY CHEESE.

I simply like long hair. But it's also because I've never had it long, and it does provide somewhat of a (striking) contrast to my more masculine tendencies.

Here's your cheese!

:cheese::cheese::cheese::cheese::cheese:

bte
March 25th, 2008, 08:09 AM
I think this is a lot simpler than might appear. Even if this peson is right, and all the psycholgical stuff is accurate, the basic fact is that you want very much to have very long hair. It would only matter if the psychology were in any way harmful, which it isn't. So your hair is a good thing which you enjoy. So enjoy it!

Islandgrrl
March 25th, 2008, 09:19 AM
What difference does it make if you're "holding on to something" by having long hair? And why, if you *are* holding on to something is it necessarily a bad thing? I don't understand why holding on to something is viewed, by default, as destructive when it could be a very, very positive thing.

Let's face it. We all have memories that shape our lives. Some good, some bad. Hopefully we use the memories of events in our lives to make ourselves better people.

Personally, I hold on to memories of my daughter when she was small and curious and bright eyed to remind myself that even though she's technically an adult, she's still that small, fragile little girl and that gives me the patience to deal with her lovingly when it's sometimes very difficult (my 21 year old daughter is severely handicapped both physically and cognitively). If somehow, my long hair figures into this equation (and now that I think about it, it just might), how is this exactly bad????

And if you use your long hair to hide behind, well, SO WHAT??? We all hide behind something from time to time. Don't we?

atlantaz3
March 25th, 2008, 09:31 AM
How nice of him to throw a stereo type at you. For me I've always been identified as a blonde and all the stereo typing that goes with that. Sometimes I've hidden behind that and yes used it to my advantage. Am I hidding behind my hair or holding on to something - no one's business but mine. As the Full House kids say "how rude!"

Alaskanheart
March 25th, 2008, 10:54 AM
I have heard something similar said about men with beards - that they are hiding behind them.

Haha , I had to make a comment on this one... My grandfather has had a beard ever since I remember, a few years ago he shaved it off, and oh the horror... He inherited a very very weak chin , and looked absolutly hilarious without his beard, we all begged him to grow it back, and he did... Now my Brother has inherited the same chin and keeps a goatee.lol... Nothing Psychological about that, it just covers their little chins.lol

alys
March 25th, 2008, 11:20 AM
I dont know if that comment has truth to it or not. I can say that over a period many years, each time some stressor would occur in my life, I would change my hair. Cut shorter each time, color, style, whatever. My 'mental demons' caused me to constantly CUT my hair, not grow it.
So it certainly has no bearing on me, per se...at least in that context. People use thier bodies as templates to express thier feelings, so any aspect could be an extension of 'holding on to issues' I guess.

Beldaran
March 25th, 2008, 11:28 AM
I don't know if it's been said as I haven't read it all, but my first reaction would have been:
"Everyone I know who diagnoses other people with random "problems" is just hiding from their own."

WritingPrincess
March 25th, 2008, 07:27 PM
Belderan, that makes a lot of sense. Very insightful.

loves2spin
March 26th, 2008, 06:13 AM
How nice of him to throw a stereo type at you. For me I've always been identified as a blonde and all the stereo typing that goes with that. Sometimes I've hidden behind that and yes used it to my advantage. Am I hidding behind my hair or holding on to something - no one's business but mine. As the Full House kids say "how rude!"

Oh, I LOVE that! ~ the part where you say that you actually have hidden behind being a "blond" and all that goes with it. :-) I have never been blond, but I have been pregnant (x6) and learned that pregnancy is an excuse for just about anything! i.e. "I have a headache. I need to go home." or "I'm sorry. I just don't feel up to it." Now I'm pushing 60 and my family knows not to trust my memory. That can be handy too. Thank you for the good smile and your honest! :-)

Jaime
March 26th, 2008, 07:13 AM
people tend to view others through the filter of their own self-knowledge (or self-delusion). In other words, we assume others should think and act and see things the way we do, and consider it wrong when people (surprise) demonstrate the capacity to think act and see things their own way.

Regardless of whether the guy was well-intentioned and/or a friend, he was being a dork.

For me, I wear my hair long firstly because I like it that way, but it also is a low cost, low impact way to go my own way in a conforming world. :coolblue:

8) Jim

Jim
March 26th, 2008, 09:11 AM
So show me anybody who isn't "holding on" to something psychological, long hair or short. Everyone has a history. His implication that people with short hair are psychologically healthier is just plain silly. I suppose one could ask him why he has this deep seated need to solve other peoples problems when he could be working on his own.

Save us from people who have a Phd from Psychology Today magazine.

Jim

Caldonia Sun
March 26th, 2008, 09:31 AM
Well said, Jim!

LuXious
March 26th, 2008, 09:55 AM
Yes. I think you should cut your hair. That will undo all the damage that has been done throughout your life, because everything that has ever happened to you involving your parents was all bad, right? Yes, you should entirely abandon your identity. You should cut your face off, too because when you look in the mirror, you probably see reminders of your parents. Please. Some people think they know everything. Your hair is a poem about your life, both the good and the bad. It's beautiful, it's yours, it's a reminder of who you are and where you came from and there's not a doggone thing wrong with that. Tell this guy to grow a beard and get over his fear of what people think! YEAH!

Robbi Dehlinger
March 26th, 2008, 07:04 PM
Hi!

Cut your face off? YOW! Cut your hair off? NO WAY!

I wear my hair long because it suits me:)

Robbi

Lamb
March 26th, 2008, 07:19 PM
"You know, whatever you're holding onto, you should just let it go"

I just want to air my views on this doctrine - not necessarily pertaining to hair.

Why is it that modern psychology (in its popular paperback edition...) is trying to make us feel that we are supposed to be detached, absolute, self-sufficient, without any ties that bind, without any defining attachments, without anything we (consciously or subconsciously) "hold on to"???

People are not gods. It is a need to have something to hold on to, something to relate to, something to which we can refer/respond with our being. Noone is sufficient onto herself/himself. Why isn't the modern human person allowed to be defined by something, unless it is a harmful, destructive attachment obviously??

A few months ago, I told a friend how close I am to my sister and how she is missing me. First thing he said? "Well, that's not healthy... this dependency..."

Self-professed, amateur psycholgists-on-the-corner do piss me off.

I say, whatever you are holding onto, stick to it - and to your hair, too!!

Oh and BTW, I'm wondering how many issues you've got to have to be rude enough to walk up to a person and offer unsolicited and rude advice for her mental health. Moron.

rhubarbarin
March 26th, 2008, 07:52 PM
Lamb I think you make an excellent point. Pyscho-speak and amatuer diagnosing are rampant, at least among people my age..

Robbi Dehlinger
March 26th, 2008, 07:54 PM
Do you say that becuz you have unresolved issues?? LOLOLOLOLOL

(Sorry, I could not resist)

somethingducky
March 26th, 2008, 08:34 PM
I can sorta agree but to say "just let go of it" is a bit of a blanket statement, especially when so many of us are perfectly normal, well-adjusted people with normal amounts of personal bagage. Everyone, I mean everyone, is holding on to something or affected by somthing in their past and it's not really anyone elses business how we cope with it unless we're a danger to ourselves or others. Just my two bits.

My reason, my well meaning godmother shaved my head when i was 2,my father still hasn't forgiven her and I've been trying to grow my hair ever since...

Velvettt
March 27th, 2008, 03:38 AM
Anyone remember the second series from Bob Newhart, where he was an innkeeper? There was an episode where one of the regulars became an overnight instant guru with the catch phrase, "Let it go."

My answer to the idiot with the comment? "Everyone I've ever known who thought he could make personal remarks about other people's appearances was holding on to a severe lack of good manners."

Ellswyth
March 27th, 2008, 11:47 AM
I haven't read beyond the first page yet (this thread looks fascinating) .

But, I'd have told that person that it's been said that those that frequently chop their hair are unresponsible and flighty. :p

Ellswyth
March 27th, 2008, 11:59 AM
I think my hair may be connected to my childhood desire to be Princess Leia.


Here here!

Ellswyth
March 27th, 2008, 12:13 PM
I don't know if it's been said as I haven't read it all, but my first reaction would have been:
"Everyone I know who diagnoses other people with random "problems" is just hiding from their own."


oh, that's a very good one.

Alun
March 28th, 2008, 12:18 PM
Precisly!

At our LHC meet on Saturday Islandgrrl and I were talking about my weight before I lost weight. I showed her an old picture and I had a bob in that picture. She said she was so amazed it was the same person (me) and that I looked older, she was then stunned to learn the picture was 6 years old. After I left it dawned on me, not only did I look older then - I was older then. If anything, I was holding on to more baggage when my hair was short <snork> now I have a place to hide it!

Ahhh, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now

- Bob Dylan, from the song 'My Back Pages'

MemSahib
March 28th, 2008, 01:18 PM
Why is it that modern psychology (in its popular paperback edition...) is trying to make us feel that we are supposed to be detached, absolute, self-sufficient, without any ties that bind, without any defining attachments, without anything we (consciously or subconsciously) "hold on to"???

People are not gods. It is a need to have something to hold on to, something to relate to, something to which we can refer/respond with our being. Noone is sufficient onto herself/himself. Why isn't the modern human person allowed to be defined by something, unless it is a harmful, destructive attachment obviously??

A few months ago, I told a friend how close I am to my sister and how she is missing me. First thing he said? "Well, that's not healthy... this dependency..."

Self-professed, amateur psycholgists-on-the-corner do piss me off.

I say, whatever you are holding onto, stick to it - and to your hair, too!!
Amen, Lamb! A lot of psychology is hooey anyway and your next-door neighbor variety psychologists can be the worst. If you or I choose to have long hair because of memories and associations (good or bad) then so what? And I am frankly sick of the phrase "co-dependency". Humans need each other. God made us that way. I would like to see these armchair psychologists try to really truly get along without others and meaningful relationships with them. It doesn't work.

heidi w.
March 28th, 2008, 01:25 PM
Hmmm. I have definitely heard this idea that long hair is somehow associated with holding on to something. I have two parts to offer in this thread as food for thought.

One is my personal story which is my hair length is about freedom for my in my personal emotional plane.

The other is how I interpret at such statements.

Let’s begin with the latter part as Part I.
First, this person is not unique in his view. It’s a fairly common view, in fact. Some think they’re holding on to the 60s (which some days I do wish was still alive! But that’s a separate political/economic topic); or that they’re not creative enough; or it’s a sign of lack of funds and on goes the list for interpreting the ‘meaning’ of long hair.

But the truth is we’re all holding on to stuff in various degrees for various reasons. We all have memories of pleasant things, connecting points that have meaning to us, memories that we wish we didn’t have to remember, and buttons that trigger these memories and emotional connections that mean whatever they mean to each individual. This gentleman is not free because he has short hair and he has not let go of anything just cuz he has short hair. Moreover, I assume he is not a psychologist and doesn’t know exactly whereof he speaks. Just because someone may be hanging on to something memory and/or emotionally via some medium, a necklace a mother gave, a watch a father gave, long hair you have that your mother once had, a bunny rabbit’s foot, a good luck charm, a bunch of other possibilities does not mean one is in ill mental health. It all depends on the meaning of the hanging on to us. IF it works, means good things, improves our lives, helps us be strong people, then that’s terrific. But I would submit that cutting hair is not the freeing act. It’s the thought that’s the freeing act, attitude, way of looking at a situation. We all have symbols in our world, from religious to musical, to clothing to hair, from the communal to the intensely personal. In some ways, this is what art is about, exploring these symbols and the connecting points in our lives. So, I’m not clear this this person’s view means something so negative or that one has a real psychological problem that only cutting hair achieves.

Examples: certain Indian tribes have cut hair when a loved one dies. Some people have long hair in the practice of their faith.

Part II – I am fine now, folks, so no need to worry. I have talked about this before on LHC.

I was raped while in college and a common response is to think one is too attractive somehow, and as defense to protect oneself against such harm again, one often will do things such as gain weight, cut hair, dress quite differently and so on as a form of protection. There are other things that occur too, but the body part is pretty common. I cut my hair. I did keep my hair in my Princess Di cut for quite some time, and then after some years, one day, had a very simple, understated personal epiphany. I realized I was keeping my hair in a manner that wasn’t my true self: colored, permed (it looked great but it was a lot of hassle to upkeep). I remembered my long hair and how comfortable I felt with it and realized I had cut it in response to this ‘event’ and didn’t want to live in ‘response’ mode. I wanted to live in me mode. So I decided then and there to never cut again.

So, in my case, the cutting was the holding on to a ‘problem’ that I had long before dealt with and didn’t need to ‘protect’ myself and present something that wasn’t truly me anymore. For me, the length is the honest me, and me comfortable in my own skin, free from distant events and memories that were unpleasant.

Summary
I think that it’s very sweet that this is your way to hold on to something positive about your mother as almost perhaps a sign of hope that it can be so in reality some day. Clearly you were removed from the presence of your mother in a difficult situation and for this reason the bond with your mother was broken or at least a little bruised in some way, and is now difficult. But you are remembering something beautiful, something positive, and it’s your personal reasons that require no explanation or justification of to anyone else. It’s your life, your emotional concern. I don’t think that’s a psychological problem that you need to be free from per se, and cutting hair won’t achieve that anyway. You are free to project your image that suits you.

I do want to add that many men/fathers do not know how to care for their daughter’s hair, so many do get their daughter’s shorter cuts to manage hair in connection with a day’s plethora of things that need looking after. So while you may have not liked it, try to extend a little compassion for what it is he was really saying, excuse-y as it sounds to you now even that you know how easy long hair can be to maintain. He didn’t have this or any place to go to ask questions, is my guess, so he solved his problem the best way he know how.

You sound pretty solid, and I wouldn’t overly analyze this person’s statement to the negative stance that he interprets his experience as. This statement is his projecting his experience in life (which he tends to be interpreting negative in some way, from my read of your post (tone would matter here): were he to know someone like you, he would get to balance out things and learn that some ‘holding on’ is a good thing, and its own form of beauty, nurture and sustenance for getting through life.

heidi w.

heidi w.
March 28th, 2008, 01:28 PM
This may be a first time I'm quoting myself ...

"...and buttons that trigger these memories and emotional connections that mean whatever they mean to each individual. "

What I'm partially implying, is this man seeing your hair length indeed had HIS button pressed so that he remembered his personal experiences with those who have long hair....

This gets back to my conclusion that this man is projecting his experience and calling it a truism of life, which it isn't in my read of life.

heidi w.

heidi w.
March 28th, 2008, 01:38 PM
In short, this kind of statement almost demands some kind of retort. My fave in such situations, "Projecting again?"

Fight armchair psychology with armchair psychology.

But that's a fun fantasy and not always practical, although there have been a few times I said it.

heidi w.

Leisa
March 28th, 2008, 02:30 PM
I would have replied to that person - you know, you have really short hair, what is it that you can't seem to hold on to?
Money, relationships, jobs?

:p

Beatnik Guy
March 28th, 2008, 03:57 PM
This gets back to my conclusion that this man is projecting his experience and calling it a truism of life, which it isn't in my read of life.
Yes; unfortunately this is common (and not just about hair). :rolleyes:

Nynaeve
March 28th, 2008, 10:22 PM
When I first read that statement, my initial reaction was an emphatic “no, there’s nothing that I’m holding on to.” But then, on second thought, a few doubts nag at me. Like my hair as a security blanket—something to hide behind. Or my hair as a sort of personal rebellion, something that my parents have always disapproved of—though in recent years, rather quietly.

But then I remember that I love the feel of it, the look of it, the epitomizing of traditional feminine beauty.

I think that any hairstyle, too, whether long or short can be argued against with the same argument. What about hair dyed a radically different colour from what it’s always been? It could be argued that the person is trying to cover up or hide from some essential aspect of their nature. Or what about a person who gets their hair cut religiously and precisely in the same manner each month, despite changes in trend? It could be argued that they’re holding on to something there, too. And people who change their hair uber-frequently? What are they so perpetually uncomfortable with, do they feel that the frequent physical change will manifest in some profound spiritual or psychological change?

Even if—and I’m really stretching it—your coworker was right, cutting your hair as a “therapy” is complete bull. Changing the physical isn’t going to change the mental. One needs to work through the mental first, or else all you’re going to end up with is a shorn head.

But that's just my :twocents:

I agree completely.
With everything.
All of it.
Even IF I am holding onto something with my long hair, who's someone else to say whether the thing I'm holding onto is bad and should be removed.
Maybe he doesn't understand what long hair means?
Maybe he doesn't understand the religious or sensual reasonings behind having long hair?
Since you said he is a friend, someone you talk to about things, maybe, if he brings it up again, you can explain some of the reasonings behind having long hair?
Maybe your hair is you holding on to something, but it isn't JUST that. There's more to it.

Nynaeve
March 28th, 2008, 10:32 PM
In short, this kind of statement almost demands some kind of retort. My fave in such situations, "Projecting again?"

Fight armchair psychology with armchair psychology.

But that's a fun fantasy and not always practical, although there have been a few times I said it.

heidi w.


I will get around to making comments about your comment when my migrane subsides, but for the moment, I just want to say [THREAD DERAILMENT INC]
HEY!!! I've missed you!!! I hope you are doing well.


So, in my case, the cutting was the holding on to a ‘problem’ that I had long before dealt with and didn’t need to ‘protect’ myself and present something that wasn’t truly me anymore. For me, the length is the honest me, and me comfortable in my own skin, free from distant events and memories that were unpleasant.
I figured I had to at least quote this part.
I know what you mean here. It seems as if there are more people cutting to hide from themselves and others than there are those growing their hair out to hide from others or themselves.
The times I've cut my hair have been out of self-hatred, usually sparked by... rather unpleasant experiences.

akurah
March 28th, 2008, 10:45 PM
The times I've cut my hair have been out of self-hatred, usually sparked by... rather unpleasant experiences.

I chop my hair under very few circumstances. I say chop to mean a dramatic cut, not to mean a trim

My last chop I cut because my hair was so damaged from bleach that it was the only thing I could do for my hair.

The chop before that I did as an extreme emotional response to an unpleasant event--it was either cutting of the hair or getting a knife and carving up my arm. I chose the hair.

I regretted the emotional chop. I don't necessarily regret the bleach chop, but I wish I didn't have to--I should have known better than to bleach.

BittSweetCherry
March 29th, 2008, 03:06 AM
If you look hard enough, you're bound to see what you want to see.

Once the idea has been planted, plenty of us are going, "well, on second thoughts ... " but if it weren't obvious to us in the first place, how likely is it to be a real association? i could say that my long hair is a manifestation of my jealously of my older, smarter sister whom was allowed to grow her hair to TBL when the rest of us were doomed to BSL or shorter (my mum couldn't handle more than one LH in the family), OR I can say my hair is the secret outlet for my vanity that I deny freedom through the more common avenues of cosmetics, fashion and shoes, but that would be an absolute load of crock. My sister and I are at about the same stage in life, and I will dress up when I feel like it - even if it's only once a year. My best friend and I are now TBL and waist-length respectively, and are well regarded as the most positive, sane and happily individualistic members of our cohort.

We grow our hair long because we love long hair, and want it ourselves. It's a sign of determination, patience, resistance to social norms and the pressure to conform, overall good health and an indicator of our own personal tastes. Anyone who uses pseudopsychology to indicate otherwise is a mindless hack that buys into the self-help book culture without actually getting anywhere.

(End rant here).

Unofficial_Rose
March 29th, 2008, 03:23 AM
I would have replied to that person - you know, you have really short hair, what is it that you can't seem to hold on to?
Money, relationships, jobs?

:p

That, if I may say so, is the PERFECT response! :laugh: Far worse to be unable to hold on to things. Yes why did that career, relationship fall through your fingers...

Nynaeve
March 29th, 2008, 06:04 PM
Completely agreed.

I don't understand what it is about the N. American society today that dictates that being "dependent" or "attached" is such a bad thing?
Why is it BAD for me to be in a co-dependent relationship?
Especially in a society that frowns upon people cheating?
So... people are not supposed to be dependent but they are supposed to care enough to not cheat?... It makes no sense.
I WANT to be dependent. It means I care, I WANT to be able to HOLD onto something, I don't want to be some kind of self-righteous person who claims to NOT be dependent, NOT be "holding onto things."

Juanita
March 29th, 2008, 07:59 PM
I guess some people don't feel comfortable with people who want different things in life.And yes I guess my hair does come with baggage, like never having to conform to someones elses desires. A stepmother when I was growing up who used to cut my hair to ear length. it's never been shorter than just below shoulder length since.
cheers
Juanita

That felt good to say that.

loves2spin
March 30th, 2008, 05:32 AM
I guess some people don't feel comfortable with people who want different things in life.And yes I guess my hair does come with baggage, like never having to conform to someones elses desires. A stepmother when I was growing up who used to cut my hair to ear length. it's never been shorter than just below shoulder length since.
cheers
Juanita

That felt good to say that.

:applause:

Wonderful! I'm so happy for you! :)

Marianne
March 30th, 2008, 06:04 AM
I just want to air my views on this doctrine - not necessarily pertaining to hair.

Why is it that modern psychology (in its popular paperback edition...) is trying to make us feel that we are supposed to be detached, absolute, self-sufficient, without any ties that bind, without any defining attachments, without anything we (consciously or subconsciously) "hold on to"???

People are not gods. It is a need to have something to hold on to, something to relate to, something to which we can refer/respond with our being. Noone is sufficient onto herself/himself. Why isn't the modern human person allowed to be defined by something, unless it is a harmful, destructive attachment obviously??

A few months ago, I told a friend how close I am to my sister and how she is missing me. First thing he said? "Well, that's not healthy... this dependency..."

Self-professed, amateur psycholgists-on-the-corner do piss me off.

I say, whatever you are holding onto, stick to it - and to your hair, too!!

Oh and BTW, I'm wondering how many issues you've got to have to be rude enough to walk up to a person and offer unsolicited and rude advice for her mental health. Moron.

You said pretty much everything I wanted to say.:D

meichigo
April 16th, 2008, 01:57 AM
Completely agreed.

I don't understand what it is about the N. American society today that dictates that being "dependent" or "attached" is such a bad thing?
Why is it BAD for me to be in a co-dependent relationship?
Especially in a society that frowns upon people cheating?
So... people are not supposed to be dependent but they are supposed to care enough to not cheat?... It makes no sense.
I WANT to be dependent. It means I care, I WANT to be able to HOLD onto something, I don't want to be some kind of self-righteous person who claims to NOT be dependent, NOT be "holding onto things."



There is a difference between a bond/connection (the earlier example of someone being close with their sister and [shock! horror! outrage!] them missing each other while apart), and a co-dependency whereupon one's entire existence because wrapped around another person to the extent that it interferes with other aspects of their life. THAT is what is construed as negative, not just any close bond in general.



It's also funny how two people have mentioned the idea of Daddy not knowing how to take care of hair so just cutting it off. While my dad never had to take care of my hair, I can't imagine he would ever dream of cutting it off as he is a great fan of long hair... Though my mom wears hers short these days, her hair was rather long (and perfectly straight) when she was younger... She must've fit right in (appearance-wise) during the sixties!

Anyway, I'm super curious: what did you say to this guy after he made that comment?

frizzinator
April 16th, 2008, 02:49 AM
Nynaeve, many folks in our culture love freedom and do not want to suffer. Dependency often results in suffering and possibly less freedom.

Many parents think it is their duty to society to raise children to be independent adults.

Strength, courage and self-sufficiency have always been admired traits in the USA. Some people believe dependency is an easier path than developing these characteristics which lead to independence.

Cheating is a moral issue, and has little connection with dependency.

lookingglass
April 16th, 2008, 07:18 AM
Sure we have our defenses and securities, but just ripping them away, or chopping them off, is not a way to get rid of negative things we are holding onto. It can be traumatizing! Real therapy is learning new things about the self and the reasons behind thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. "Attachment" is a buzzword in modern psychology. It refers to how we are connected to things. A healthy attachment would be "I feel safe and confident in this relationship, and am free, within it, to explore the world", while an unhealthy one would be "I cannot leave this relationship because I would die, no longer be myself...I do not exist without it".

We all have reasons for doing things. If our long hair makes us feel connected, in a positive way, to loved ones, the past, god, our true selves, the earth, etc...let it grow!!!

ETA~ To quote Freud: "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar".

Alun
April 16th, 2008, 08:04 AM
A healthy attachment would be "I feel safe and confident in this relationship, and am free, within it, to explore the world", while an unhealthy one would be "I cannot leave this relationship because I would die, no longer be myself...I do not exist without it".



So, according to that, if I wouldn't feel like myself without my hair, then that is unhealthy and I should cut it all off?!!!

The h*ll with that!

Redvelvetdragon
April 16th, 2008, 08:55 AM
Wow, I can't imagine anyone ever saying that to me. Everyone I know knows better than to say that...or else. If anyone were to say that I'm somehow holding on to something I'd tell them well I HAVE had short hair. I HAVE cut it to my chin. It didn't make me any happier or make me feel better psychologically. That's what therapy is for. Cutting hair doesn't replace a good therapist. This is the same mentality of a good stiff drink will make you feel better. Um no, it's a quick fix and you end up in the same spot you were before having that drink or cutting that hair.

I might also add that why should I cut my hair like everyone else? So by being homogeneous that makes us happier? Doesn't make sense to me. I do like the response here about telling him basically, what is it about your short hair. Afraid of committment or lasting relationships or of completing something long term? LOL.

Robbi Dehlinger
April 16th, 2008, 06:39 PM
Sure we have our defenses and securities, but just ripping them away, or chopping them off, is not a way to get rid of negative things we are holding onto. It can be traumatizing! Real therapy is learning new things about the self and the reasons behind thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. "Attachment" is a buzzword in modern psychology. It refers to how we are connected to things. A healthy attachment would be "I feel safe and confident in this relationship, and am free, within it, to explore the world", while an unhealthy one would be "I cannot leave this relationship because I would die, no longer be myself...I do not exist without it".

We all have reasons for doing things. If our long hair makes us feel connected, in a positive way, to loved ones, the past, god, our true selves, the earth, etc...let it grow!!!

ETA~ To quote Freud: "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar".

Hi!

Actaully it was Dr Albert Bandura who said that becuz Freud was looking for subliminal meaning in EVERYTHING!:)

Mangachan
April 16th, 2008, 07:29 PM
I really hate that "hiding behind hair" assumption because anytime a person let's their hair get past some arbitrary unacceptable length they're automatically assumed to have some type of unhealthy mentality? And the only way to have people not think that about you is to always keep it short?! So instead of keeping your hair long becasue you have issues you're suppossed to keep it short to appease other people and we know that's not healthy either. That whole logic is so backwards.

I did have my hair long and chemically straightened because of insecurity but that won't be the case when I grow it long this time around.

Rebelkat
April 16th, 2008, 11:28 PM
Holding on to something? Doesn't everybody hold on to things? Our past is what makes us who we are. If we forget where we come from, then we lose ourselves in everybody else's expectations of us. We become something totally different than the sentient beings we are born to be and become mindless zombies. How is that better than holding on to things?

Btw, sometimes drastic changes in appearance are a much bigger sign of issues than staying the same. A while back, I was traumatized by I guy I was dating. I had been friends with him for 7 years and never noticed that he was a jerk. Ever oblivious am I. Well, I wanted a major change and I was going to cut my hair. I mean... I was going to pixie it. Luckily, one of my other friends smacked some sense into me when I told her what I was going to do. I'm really glad I listened to her, because I've cut my hair before (to shoulder length), and I've regretted it ever since. How would I have felt after losing over 3' of hair? Theraputic my butt.

Speedbump
April 17th, 2008, 01:24 AM
This guy probably means well, but he also probably has known fewer than five people with hair that is actually "long" and by default does not have a statistically significant sampling of reality.

If he came here his mind would boggle at the many reasons for long hair. Some people DO hold onto things with it. Some people just feel OK with it long and don't feel OK with it short (that's me). And if it is a symbol for you personally, so what? I agree about the tattoo thing; perhaps the REAL therapy is in the growing, just like some people get a tattoo as a way to symbolize a personal rite of passage.

Again, I think that he means well, but I don't think he realizes the psychological complexities involved. To him, he's come up with The Answer To This Problem, and because it's such specialized "knowledge," he pounces on the first opportunity to use it. It might benefit him to know that it simply isn't that simple. :lol: Or not; he might not get it even if you tried to explain it. It might be easier to simply print this thread out and let him read it, if his ego can handle it. :shrug:

Diamondgirl2003
April 17th, 2008, 02:05 AM
Its tolerance for me. When I get the itch to cut or dye and then don't, and then see the length growing, its very satisfying like I have the will power to reach my goal and the patience <---not always the case I got the itch now to cut my razored end off.

Oh yea and my cheeks are fat and I bite them in the inside !!!!
<seriously, when I was younger they called me chipmunk cheeks> My long hair makes my face"appear" more elongated and less "wide" thats a plus! :D

Pursuer
April 17th, 2008, 02:32 AM
I think hair can work any number of ways. For some people, they just like short hair or just like long hair... has no role on their mental well-being or past dealings in life.
But I think there are some that grow it out for deeper issues, like you addressed (I am sorry, I saw "18 pages" and only read the first one!), and like one poster said, as long as it's not hindering you, than fine.
But I actually think it is the cutting/changing of hair that would tend to have more psychological significance to it. I know it does for me. Whenever I get the urge to cut my hair, something is always going on in my life that I feel oppressed by. For some reason, as much as I love and treasure my hair, cutting it is a rebellion to the things that are "keeping me down." (Which I realize has no correlation to one another, but, that's just how it goes. Thank goodness I haven't given in to simple whims!) When my husband and I went through some rough times, when a friend completely let me down for a huge period of time, when my sister lied to me and my parents for a long period of time... those were all times I wanted to cut my hair. So for me, growing my hair out shows a sense of normalcy, while cutting it would be a sign of chaos in my life.
My sister just went through a divorce, and completely shaved her head BALD! She said she wanted an inward/outward fresh start.
Then again, not every hair change is emotions-led, either. Some people just like a new look every now and then. :)
At any rate, I think hair is personal for most people, but for very few it is not.

As to what your co-worker said being wrong... I would tend to say yes, except, it almost sounds like you needed to hear him say that, and were okay with it. It looks as though it helped you to dig deeper into things going on in your heart, and, I don't know if you believe in it or not, but I believe that sometimes, people are led to say things to us that might seem "out of sorts" at the moment... but we needed it. Not forced to say it, but led to. ANYWAY. I think he helped you to look into yourself, in a good way. :) (Again, only read the first page, so I am sure I could have missed much much more to that end, forgive me if this was already addressed!)
Very interesting thread.

rockkcor
July 18th, 2008, 07:59 AM
I was thinking a lot about why am I so 'long hair addicted'

Here is quote from Wikipedia:
"Anthropologists speculate that the functional significance of long head hair may be adornment, a by-product of secondary natural selection once other somatic hair had been lost. Another possibility is that long head hair is a result of Fisherian runaway sexual selection, where long lustrous hair is a visible marker for a healthy individual. For some groups, however, short hair is the selected trait.[1] Some Psychoanalysts and Freudians argue that long hair represents the id and aggression, and that cutting the hair is thus akin to castration.[2] Hair is thus considered to be a potent sexual emblem, both for men and women, having many parallels with intercourse..."

Thus I conclude that long hair is natural - while short hair is psychological phenomena of society and it's restrictions against personal freedom...

What I am holding onto? - I want to grow it as long as it can grow with someone I love - together, no matter how long it gets... To cut it is easy, but to grow it takes years...

Devon77
July 18th, 2008, 08:26 AM
I feel long hair is an extreme..Just like short and spike is an extreme. It is a style period. My friends with weird colors and short spiky wear this for attention..but they never get remarks like that. I think that guy was way out of line. That would make me grow my hair even longer!

esme
July 18th, 2008, 09:32 AM
I think the short answer to the man who made the original comment would be that everyone is holding onto something -- there are no perfectly adjusted people, anywhere.

starla_zero
July 18th, 2008, 10:29 AM
I always wanted long hair, my mum made me cut it all off when I was about 5 and I looked like a boy... I decided then I was never having short hair again, but that's not really the same as me deciding to grow it really long, that was just how I always wanted it in the first place.

nessthing
July 18th, 2008, 11:39 AM
Some Psychoanalysts and Freudians argue that long hair represents the id and aggression, and that cutting the hair is thus akin to castration.
[...]
What I am holding onto?

According to Freudians, I'm firmly clutching my WATER CHESTNUTS.

podo
July 18th, 2008, 12:56 PM
ugh... I had to reread that twice to make sure I was understanding what he said.

EVERYONE has psychological "issues" that they hold on to. (What you define as an "issue" is of course up to you.) You could say that "blue eyed people" or "girls who wear pants" or "people with tattoos" or anything you wanted.

You should tell him that short haired people seem to have this problem with conformity or fitting in and see what he says. (Disclaimer - I'm being sarcastic here! I personally think that hair is just a matter of style - some people like one thing, others like other things.)

Lady Verity
July 18th, 2008, 01:24 PM
Yeah, I'm holding onto something psychological.

My sense of AESTHETICS.

Ugh.

bunnii
July 18th, 2008, 01:39 PM
Um so maybe he did have a point but, also is wearing make up holding onto something? is the colour of your car holding onto something? we all hold onto stuff and if cutting your hair would have let go of something more traumatic, you would have cut it, right? does this person grow a beard? or shave it? is that holding onto something or just for vanities sake? honestly you can read absoloutely anything into anything, doesn't always make it true.

For me growing my hair is more for the way it looks than it is for not being allowed to grow it as a child, my mother would make me cut it to spite my dad who hates short hair :rolleyes: so in a way i'm growing it to spit my mother, but mostly because I always wanted it long.

Darkhorse1
July 18th, 2008, 01:44 PM
Everything we have can symbolize something. Short hair can symbolize someone who has broken free from a relationship. I love my long hair because I can have long hair. To me, it symbolizes my individuality and my freedom of expression. Has this guy ever heard of the 5th ammendment? Are we all supposed to be mindless carbon copies of each other?

Next time you see him, tell him not to quit his day job, because he has no idea what he's talking about. We ALL have things about us from our past. Our clothing, our jewelry(wearing a late family member's jewelry, is that wrong too?).

Maybe this guy has psychological problems with long hair and he should just let it go.

oooh! This really makes me mad!! Sorry, tender spot here. ;) :D

You shouldn't have to justify yourself for your long hair. You have it long, what's it to him? Would he come up to you if you were bald? Had short, short hair? Layered hair? It's noone's business but YOURS. Be proud of that mane!!! :D

Starr
July 18th, 2008, 02:28 PM
According to Freudians, I'm firmly clutching my WATER CHESTNUTS.


:spitting:Nessie you are too funny!

Well I wonder what Freudians think of the long haired women then? :bigtongue:

irishrose
July 18th, 2008, 02:55 PM
Oh my...in my lowly opinion everyone in our society is more than likely holding on to something psychological. I find it amusing that someone would even not have enough intelligence to know that! Please do not even give it any further thought...I wouldn't...just think perhaps everyone who cuts their hair also cuts it in the hopes of letting go of some psychological trauma and in the ever continuing process of monthly hair cuts the visits and cuts do not resolve their trauma...so the haircuts just continue and they return for more haircuts ...even changing styles to resolve their psychological troubles..... perhaps. I tend to have a sarcastic sense of humor and this just brought it out.I could not resist.

Ndnlady
July 18th, 2008, 03:06 PM
First: Hahahahahaha! That's a good one nessthing!:D

Second: Don't listen to people like that! Whether you are a short hair or a long hair anyone can have psychological issues! I am very admirable of you for not arguing with this guy because I would have been asking him a million questions leading up to making him feel stupid about what he just said to me.
I don't cut my hair anymore at all not only because I want it long and to keep it that way, but long hair is beautiful and HELLO:confused: is this guy trying to say that my ancestors who wore thier hair long and had pride in thier long hair had "psychological issues" I don't Friggin' think so!!!!!!! You are always going to run into idiots who will come up to you and say stupid crap, tell this coworker next time if he bugs you again that he has expressed his opinion and now you are expressing your opinion that you think his opinion about long hair is crap (maybe in a more eloquent way hehe:p). Don't let this coworker question yourself or your motives for growing long hair, we do it because we love it, and have pride in our manes!

EvaSimone
July 18th, 2008, 05:03 PM
I hate generalizations... but I do understand a close co-worker relationship I have had a few of those and although they can be uncomfortable at times they are totally awesome too.

If one of my coworker friends had told me what yours told you I probably would have cracked up laughing (I have a personality flaw where I pretty much take nothing personal :p) and then I probably would have engaged them in a discussion of why I do grow my hair out.

I wouldn't have gotten upset or said anything mean (if he was a complete stranger I probably would have gave them an odd look and said "ooookkayy..." lol), but thats just my personality. I think the world would be a little happier if people didn't get so defensive...

Personally growing my hair is actually breaking free of my past, I spent a lot of time trying to be someone else and trying to cause change by messing with my hair. When I started growing my hair and stopped doing all of the things I used to do that was an outer sign of my inner self acceptance; it was the first thing I can ever recall that I truly did only for myself.

ShanaMaidela
July 18th, 2008, 05:38 PM
Hi CatstyleMBelleK. "Thoughts? Does your hair symbolize anything to you?" My hair symbolize the Freedom to do what I want.

I think this is kind of what it does for me. I don't like to conform and be like everybody else - I never have. Having long hair and growing it to a "ridiculous" length just makes me feel more unique.

It makes me feel more connected to myself too. Over the past several years I have been slowly changing the way I do things that are more natural and have less impact on the environment. Growing my hair out just happened to come with that. It makes me use less product and less stuff - no blowdryer needed. Because I came on here, I learned about stretching my washing time out and how to care for my hair and hopefully grow it down past my waist.

There is another side to the freedom thing. I had a short bob before. I HAD to wash it everyday and blowdry it around velcro rollers to get it to look good. I don't have to spend that amount of time on my hair anymore. The most time consuming thing about it is the drying time and I work around that.

I don't think it's a sign that I'm psychologically holding on to anything. I think everyone has their own issues - no one is free from them but I don't think that long hair is a manifestation of anything. I've always wanted long hair and I am finally getting close to my goal. :-)

Robbi Dehlinger
July 18th, 2008, 05:57 PM
Personally growing my hair is actually breaking free of my past, I spent a lot of time trying to be someone else and trying to cause change by messing with my hair. When I started growing my hair and stopped doing all of the things I used to do that was an outer sign of my inner self acceptance; it was the first thing I can ever recall that I truly did only for myself.

Hi Eva!

Guess that is double for me? Since I am ts? So I guess growing my hair is REALLY breaking free from my past? (Along with a bunch of other stuff I do now)

:)

toodramatik
July 18th, 2008, 06:31 PM
From past experience I think short hair, on women especially, is actually more of a psychological thing. I know that I always used to cut my hair whenever something big happened in my life, and also to just plain stand out, every other girl I knew had BSL-waist hair.

Robbi Dehlinger
July 18th, 2008, 07:05 PM
I guess it depends on the time you grew up? In my youth it was the LONG hair that stood out?

toodramatik
July 18th, 2008, 07:09 PM
I guess it depends on the time you grew up? In my youth it was the LONG hair that stood out?

Yes it does, and I guess WHERE you grew up too. Around me, everyone has religious parents, so girls are encouraged to have their hair long, to reaffirm the fact that they're girls indeed.

Robbi Dehlinger
July 18th, 2008, 07:13 PM
I belonged to a church that encouraged long hair on women, but how that was defined depended on the section of the country the church was located? In the south long usually meant Waist or longer, in the North, shoulder length was consdiered OK:)

toodramatik
July 18th, 2008, 07:17 PM
I belonged to a church that encouraged long hair on women, but how that was defined depended on the section of the country the church was located? In the south long usually meant Waist or longer, in the North, shoulder length was consdiered OK:)

Where I live it's mostly muslim girls, and BSL+ is considered long. I always had it in a bob or a pixie. Just to be a rebel.

VanillaTresses
July 18th, 2008, 07:26 PM
I guess that would explain a lot... :p

RavennaNight
July 18th, 2008, 11:51 PM
First of all the co-worker was way too intrusive into your business, but that's what co-workers do. We constantly tread that fine line of business and personal with these folks that we see every day through no real choice of our own, while sharing that common goal, make some dough and survive.

As far as cutting off hair being theraputic? Only if the person making that choice is attaching meaning to the ritual haircut. Example: Aeons ago, before marriage... I dumped a guy. It was a really long and attached relationship. It wasn't an easy time, dividing up the stuff, CD's, PETS... Enough. Anyway, my final step to closing that chapter in my life was cutting my BSL hair back to somewhere between chin and shoulder. It was more a "start life fresh & oust baggage" thing, as opposed to being a "let go of your psychological issues" thing. I kinda regretted the loss of length and couldnt wait till it grew back. In my experience, cutting hair doesn't fix or change anything psychologically though. Its the outside. If the inside is damaged/hurt/traumatized/jaded from a rough patch in life, fixing the outside won't bring any long term fixes inside.

Riot Crrl
July 19th, 2008, 12:00 AM
Robbi I had no idea you're ts :) I've seen posts of yours about always wearing cocktail dresses or something like that, but I just figured you had an aesthetic like Laura Bennett from Project Runway.

Sofoulee
July 19th, 2008, 12:40 AM
I've heard this before, but I think of it this way....


Think of HOW MANY people you know that are holding on to something in their lives. Then try to think of something that symbolizes that thing for them. Countless examples come into my head. Things manifest themselves in many ways, keepsakes, collections, treasured material items, and yes... even sometimes... HAIR!

I think a statement like this is only relevant because SO many people can be linked to something through their hair. It's the same as a grown man not wanting to get rid of his first G.I. Joe because he doesn't want to let go of some part of his childhood.

If what you're holding on to makes you feel weak, powerless, or fearful for some reason... let it go! But that does not necessarily mean that you have to cut your hair. However, if what you're holding on to empowers you in some way, makes you feel stronger, or more confident... hold on with all your might! And more power to you!!!

nutsenmai
July 19th, 2008, 03:57 AM
As a child I had a bowl cut. Horrible for a girl! My mom says she didn't want to bother with longer hair as we were on the move all the time and low on money. She's always had short hair too. Chin length or shorter! My sister and I always wanted long hair though.

All this actually has nothing to do with why I have long hair now. I just like it long! My sister has long hair too.

winter_star
July 19th, 2008, 04:42 AM
I too have had a few comments and a bombard of questions about the length of my hair from co-workers quite recently. This left me seriously doubting my own intentions of growing my hair. This guy was way out of line.

But despite all this I can proudly say I LOVE MY LONG HAIR!!! I love it because it looks beautiful, is feminine and sexy, I especially love the feel as it falls against myskin! My hair is also very spiritual to me and connects me to a world of fantasy...

Vainjane
July 19th, 2008, 10:22 AM
My hair growing symbolizes lost childhood. There is a picture of me as a 3 yr old with hair more than halfway down my back but by the time school started it had been chopped into an androgynous pageboy. My mother was very controlling and manipulative through my parents divorce in high school, so I guess it is also the freedom to have it long and natural.

Vainjane
July 19th, 2008, 10:30 AM
So here's what I think it would mean:
Having long hair would symbolize a peace between me and what has been the most struggled with, mistreated, and sometimes vilified part of my body.
.....
But it does mean something. It's a part of me, and it deserves as much care and respect as any other part of me; no more and no less. So I have called a truce and I am trying to make friends with my hair. Having healthy, long hair would be the physical manifestation of that friendship.
[/quote]

Spot on!!!

lynlora
July 19th, 2008, 01:09 PM
My response would have been something like " you need to stop watching the Dr Phil show and get a life.

janaana
July 19th, 2008, 02:31 PM
When I worked in the hair and beauty industry for a few years, I was amazed by the number of women I encountered who responded to stressful situations or emotional problems they were going through by removing their hair from their head, brows, lashes or body (by having drastic cuts, shaving or plucking) sometimes as a conscious decision and other times as an obsessive behaviour. Of all the women I encountered who decided to grow their hair longer during that time, I can think of no more than two who set about growing their hair those kind of reasons.

My hair is long because it is less time consuming to care for it when it is long than when it is short.

dor3girl
July 24th, 2008, 09:49 AM
I think as we get older, it is easier for our brains to just stereo-type people & put everyone into neat little categories--like we can guess what someone is like just by looking at them.

My reason for long hair? It would never really grow as a child & I always loved the look of long hair. Now that it will grow--I am growing it!

My boss at the salon I used to work in would put long-haired women into a "type" as well. He said that long-hair boxes you in...whatever that meant. I think he was just irritated at the lack of frequent visits! I have seen women with long hair who wear it in the same boring style every day, and I have seen others who experiment with different styles, temporary colors, etc. Long hair can be as "safe," exciting, daring, creative, or "attention-getting" as you want it to be!

dor3girl
July 24th, 2008, 09:51 AM
P.s. Growing hair from short to long takes patience. Isn't PATIENCE a virtue?

Golden21
July 24th, 2008, 09:59 AM
I don't think that there is any real reason for me growing my hair long other than the fact that I like long hair. I also am having fun growing it and babying it.

burns_erin
July 24th, 2008, 03:10 PM
For me, growing my hair out is a sign of letting go. I've let go of the need to accomodate people I felt had power over me, let go of the need to be different than my parent's wanted or expected me to be. Growing my hair is just letting me be me.

However, I have heard of the theory, but the guy has it back---wards. Cutting the hair off as a symbolic act after an issue of rebellion etc. has already been resolved, as a symbol that you have let go and are making a conscious break from past behavior and life style choices. Well that can be therapeutic for some people, but to suggest a person just chop the hair off and hope a change occurs seems like a peice of idiocy to me.

Delenn
July 25th, 2008, 08:04 AM
In a way he's right I guess. I've got long hair because it makes me happy - I can't think of any reason I wouldn't want to hang on to that!

iluvmy67cuda
July 28th, 2008, 02:58 AM
I dont think that you have to be holding onto a psychological 'issue' to want long beautiful hair!!! thats b/s! For me personally, i think it IS, but not for most. For me, i have so many health probems, and now at age 24 im diagnosed with polycistic ovarian syndrome, im overweight, bipolar, i totally have self hate for my image, and i know i need to work on that. For me i love my long hair becaue its natural,and i think it should be that way, its pretty, but also, to me, hating the way i look, its the ONLY thing i have that makes me feel 'womanly' that makes me feel somewhat pretty. Now that im actually loosing my hair, i dont know what i'll do. Until it started falling out, i didnt realize how important it really was to me.

But anyways, you can have long hair, just because you like it!!! It doesnt have to be because your nutty like i am HA. lol.


Btw, i think those people should keep their rude hair comments to themselves!! IF a guy said that to me, i'd say ' i just your just hanging on to being a ******* because you have psychological pain from having a small penis' LOLLLLL

morgwn
July 28th, 2008, 03:20 AM
I can't say that I agree with this fellow in the very least. Perhaps there are some who are hanging onto some happiness with their long hair, but what's the problem with that? :p I don't approve of his being nosy and bossy at the same time; it's also not his place to be on that level with you as a co-worker. Frankly, I would probably say such to him, but then I am very forward with stating that something is out of line if I feel that it is. :shrug: That's just me, however.

Hatsumomo
July 28th, 2008, 03:35 AM
If I cut my hair, I'd still be holding on to my problems, I'd just be less happy at the same time.

Amoretti
July 28th, 2008, 03:48 AM
If I cut all my hair off it would cause psychological problems; not the other way round! LOL.

InDarkestKnight
July 28th, 2008, 05:19 AM
Agreeing with all above here, the guy's an idiot! Long hair is feminine, sexy and letting it grow as it pleaces makes me feel like I'm part nature, even when I don't have time too take my long walks and enjoy it.

This happy, joyful and life-affirming sentiment is to my eyes a much better message than his, which seems to me to be very negative.

If you're holding on to something, that's up to you. It may be something worth holding on to. I agree with the poster who said the fellow bought into the makeover show idea that all change, especially drastic change, is a good thing. Reminds me that I often wondered, for every good thing such changeovers did, how many episodes were canned because the participant hated the result?

Enjoy your hair, for whatever reason, and if you are holding on to something, then so long as you're happy, that's the most important thing.

My two cents, thanks for listening! (Well, reading, but y'know.)

Tai Shan Fan
July 28th, 2008, 05:35 AM
I haven't read through the 22 pages of this thread, but I think generalisations are always suspect and may contain half-truths, but with so many exceptions and caveats that you may as well discard the whole thing.

I dare say there are people with short hair that hang onto things - just not hair.

In my case this is not true. I haven't always had long hair, I've had it long and short and inbetween. I've even gone from long to short in one step many years ago without regrets. I don't believe I'm hanging onto something by growing my hair long - other than my hair. Obviously that won't be true for all, but if some are and some aren't (hanging onto something that is) with long hair, then what's the point of the generalisation?

In other words I don't agree with your co-worker's generalisation. If he knows you then maybe he'd picked up on this regarding yourself, but projected this onto long hairs in general.

Robbi Dehlinger
July 28th, 2008, 10:30 AM
Pop psychology is a problem, I confess to having practiced it at times?

I want long hair because I want long hair, nuff said:)