Do you ever feel like, whats the point?

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

For a time now, I have been growing my hair. And it just takes so long. And it sometimes feels like its going nowhere.
I am seeing growth, but whenever I try to enjoy my length, I see breakage and focus SO much on damage.
I know, that nobody has perfect damage free ends but I am so overly critical. Sometimes I think its a bit of the fault of LHC, as grateful as I am for this forum, it makes me sometimes over think and be over critical on my ends and "damage" that isn't actually that bad.
My biggest problem, is that I want to wear my hair down. I enjoy it down. But there is so much talk about always keeping it up to prevent damage.
Always having it protected and always keeping it away from getting touched or rubbed. But after awhile, having it up and put away every day.
It kind of makes me sad and wonder "whats the point?" I grow my hair long so i can enjoy it and wear it down, but every time I do, I see splits.

Wear it up, never see it, never enjoy it, never feel attractive, get a headache at the end of the day.
Wear it down, see damage, pick at the ends, touch the hair thus making it more oily faster.

But I love the feeling of it down, I like it down, not up. I have tried many updos, I tried braids, i do not like them at all.
I do not like hair sticks or forks, or hair toys in general. Spin pins are the closest I come, but they do not make up do's any more fun or desirable.


Does anyone else ever feel this way sometimes? How do you, mentally cope?
I want to be happy during this process but I just feel so ugly sometimes.

[akurah]

MBL was a bad length for me for wearing down. Once my hair was long enough to fold slightly and drape over my shoulders (fold "crease" over one shoulder, tail over the other) I could get away with wearing if down more regularly. I would carry sticks with me and would put it up when I needed to get in a car or carry any sort of bag on my shoulder. I would recommend wearing it up under the two circumstances I outlined and carrying sticks, and wearing it down when you are able to pay attention to where your hair is (keep it out from between you and a seat back, for example)

[Crystawni]

As I'm not going for terminal, I trim my hair every 4 months or so. This means I'm not too worried about damage, or being tooooo precious about my hair as it will eventually get cut out. My hair is on a journey where the destination isn't set. I try to enjoy it every day, and often choose hairstyles that are complimentary and often whimsically fun and/or bohemian. I protect the ends in a bun when I want my hair out of the way, with spirally face framers softening things, but when out in public I prefer French twist ponytails where my ends are out, but it's not too long to be in the way as the twist eats length. If I want more length showing, I'll opt for a LWB ponytail, or some kind of French and rope braid combo, or just use a barrette to secure a low to medium-height ponytail. Half-ups, and/or accent semi/demi-twists are also an option, although I get hot pretty quick with the bulk of my hair draping over me so carry something to updo it in a flash.

All I can say is, step back for a moment to see the complete picture. Stop looking at the details. Be who you want to be and let your hair be a part of that.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

I'm not going for terminal, so trim my hair every 4 months or so. This means I'm not too worried about damage, or being tooooo precious about my hair as it will eventually get cut out. My hair is on a journey where the destination isn't set. This means I try to enjoy it every day, and often choose hairstyles that are complimentary and often whimsically fun and/or bohemian. I protect the ends in a bun when I want my hair out of the way, with spirally face framers softening things, but when out in public I prefer French twist ponytails where my ends are out, but it's not too long to be in the way as the twist eats length. If I want more length showing, I'll opt for a LWB ponytail, or some kind of French and rope braid combo, or just use a barrette to secure a low to medium-height ponytail. Half-ups, and/or accent semi/demi-twists are also an option, although I get hot pretty quick with the bulk of my hair draping over me so carry something to updo it in a flash.

All I can say is, step back for a moment to see the complete picture. Stop looking at the details. Be who you want to be and let your hair be a part of that.

Thank you, I appreciate your comment. Your hair looks very lovely.

[Crystawni]

Thank you! :smooch: If your sig pic is anything to go by, your hair looks like it has a lot to offer you, so you guys just kiss and make up already, okees? :p I can understand the LHC influence and how it messes with our brainz, but when I realised a lot of the end-protection thing was for those who are worried about losing length (no trimmers and such), I breathed a sigh of relief as the pressure to do what's "right" lifted. I know damage can happen anywhere along the length thanks to many things, and having hair up can help avoid this, but sometimes updos can cause breakage as well (from the hairtoys themselves--springs, splits, friction, from improper toy placement, snags, placing the bun in the same spot day in day out, tight twisting or bunning...). Just living will cause damage. I've seen a few members here, and even more people IRL who wear their extra-long hair down most, if not all of the time, which shows long hair doesn't equal containment. As Spock would say, live long and prosper. :cool:

[ReadingRenee]

For a time now, I have been growing my hair. And it just takes so long. And it sometimes feels like its going nowhere.
I am seeing growth, but whenever I try to enjoy my length, I see breakage and focus SO much on damage.
I know, that nobody has perfect damage free ends but I am so overly critical. Sometimes I think its a bit of the fault of LHC, as grateful as I am for this forum, it makes me sometimes over think and be over critical on my ends and "damage" that isn't actually that bad.
My biggest problem, is that I want to wear my hair down. I enjoy it down. But there is so much talk about always keeping it up to prevent damage.
Always having it protected and always keeping it away from getting touched or rubbed. But after awhile, having it up and put away every day.
It kind of makes me sad and wonder "whats the point?" I grow my hair long so i can enjoy it and wear it down, but every time I do, I see splits.

Wear it up, never see it, never enjoy it, never feel attractive, get a headache at the end of the day.
Wear it down, see damage, pick at the ends, touch the hair thus making it more oily faster.

But I love the feeling of it down, I like it down, not up. I have tried many updos, I tried braids, i do not like them at all.
I do not like hair sticks or forks, or hair toys in general. Spin pins are the closest I come, but they do not make up do's any more fun or desirable.


Does anyone else ever feel this way sometimes? How do you, mentally cope?
I want to be happy during this process but I just feel so ugly sometimes.

I can absolutely relate. That is why I finally trimmed back to about 2 inches above BSL. Of course, I was at MBL and it was a bit drastic but I had so many damaged and dyed layers, I felt I couldn't wear my hair down and enjoy it as it looked too bad. But, I did come to the conclusion after I trimmed, that I really enjoy wearing my hair down and I think I am just going to trim more often and enjoy the journey. Also, I am really happy with APL + right now. I have enjoyed my hair more since I trimmed than I have in a long time. But like I said I had a lot of visible damage, layers and dye and its really nice to have most of those out.

I really liked what Crystawni had to say too.

And, If its any comfort I think the pictures of your hair look great! Your ends look good to me and you are so close to waist! You are doing a great job. :)

[neko_kawaii]

Keep in mind that some of the updo pictures you see around the forum are people who don't want to wear their hair down often to begin with. Don't let those images influence your views of what you "should" be doing. Wear your hair how YOU enjoy it. If you can't learn to unsee the splits, then maybe a shorter length that is less prone to splitting is for you.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Keep in mind that some of the updo pictures you see around the forum are people who don't want to wear their hair down often to begin with. Don't let those images influence your views of what you "should" be doing. Wear your hair how YOU enjoy it. If you can't learn to unsee the splits, then maybe a shorter length that is less prone to splitting is for you.

Its not the images, its the verbal recommendations. Everywhere I see, people recommend to new users to wear the hair up. That it will never get long without protective styling. That if they are wearing the hair down a lot that they should consider wearing it up instead if they wish to reach a longer length.

I would trim and keep it shorter. But I want it long, I want at least hip. I have never had my natural hair longer than shoulder length/apl. Currently my hair is the longest it has ever been in my whole life. At apl, where I see the breakage the most, i just do not feel good about my hair down or up. So shorter hair isnt really the option for me. I want to be happy with my hair, but it is going to take some "unlearning" of some overly critical behaviors I have learned off here.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Thank you! :smooch: If your sig pic is anything to go by, your hair looks like it has a lot to offer you, so you guys just kiss and make up already, okees? :p I can understand the LHC influence and how it messes with our brainz, but when I realised a lot of the end-protection thing was for those who are worried about losing length (no trimmers and such), I breathed a sigh of relief as the pressure to do what's "right" lifted. I know damage can happen anywhere along the length thanks to many things, and having hair up can help avoid this, but sometimes updos can cause breakage as well (from the hairtoys themselves--springs, splits, friction, from improper toy placement, snags, placing the bun in the same spot day in day out, tight twisting or bunning...). Just living will cause damage. I've seen a few members here, and even more people IRL who wear their extra-long hair down most, if not all of the time, which shows long hair doesn't equal containment. As Spock would say, live long and prosper. :cool:


I can absolutely relate. That is why I finally trimmed back to about 2 inches above BSL. Of course, I was at MBL and it was a bit drastic but I had so many damaged and dyed layers, I felt I couldn't wear my hair down and enjoy it as it looked too bad. But, I did come to the conclusion after I trimmed, that I really enjoy wearing my hair down and I think I am just going to trim more often and enjoy the journey. Also, I am really happy with APL + right now. I have enjoyed my hair more since I trimmed than I have in a long time. But like I said I had a lot of visible damage, layers and dye and its really nice to have most of those out.

I really liked what Crystawni had to say too.

And, If its any comfort I think the pictures of your hair look great! Your ends look good to me and you are so close to waist! You are doing a great job. :)

Thank you, the both of you. Sometimes it is just hard to feel, good about my hair and it makes me a bit more overly critical I think. I only hear nice things from family.
Since I am still considered short here, I don't hear many compliments on my hair.

[Alex Lou]

I wear my hair down quite a bit. If you enjoy it down, wear it down. :) You really don't have to worry about preventing damage that much unless you are growing to extreme lengths.

[stachelbeere]

I'm with Crystawni on this. I never had long hair before I grew it out and it's currently hip length. I used to obsess about my hair's health, the progress, the ends... but once I reached MBL or even BSL and it felt "long" I've been giving my hair less attention. I got a bit busy in life as well so I haven't been on the forum all that often which helped with the obsessiveness too. What was important for me is to find styles that frame my face nicely for when I'm not wearing it down. I only wear it down if the detangling later on won't be too much of a chore, or if my hair could get trapped (I absolutely despise trapping my hair!) so I wouldn't wear it down while wearing a scarf and jacket in winter, when moving around with a backpack, running errands etc (basically when it's not practical). But I will wear it down once I get to my destination and nothing will be in the way, there will be no wind etc. That would for example be a dinner, a party and so on... When it comes to noticing damage: I have sooo many broken ends, it's ridiculous (growing out old damage). I'm just rolling with it and cutting it twice a year for better combability. If you're worried that people will see the damage - usually people don't stand close enough to notice. And I always think that we are or own harshest judges and are so often unfair towards ourselves.
Hope my post helps :)

PS: also, don't judge or compare your hair length to what seems to be the norm here on lhc - for me personally APL was a huge milestone as I had never ever had hair this long in my life! (My initial goal was MBL because I thought that was super long and I still do) Once I experienced that it's possible for me to have BSL long hair I was getting more and more relaxed about things - but it was a very gradual process.

[Carochinha]

When I first got here, people told me that the most important thing I could do was wear my hair up. I said Okay, and wore it up for like two days before going back to not caring and wearing it down constantly. I did start doing other things people said (like untangling with a wooden comb), but the wearing it up conundrum was always just... not for me. Not right now. Maybe not ever. And that's okay, because it's my hair. I do want it to be longer, but I don't mind having slower growth and letting it go free. The same applies to you. The theoretical best practices might not be the actual perfect ones for you.

[Corvana]

To all advice, anywhere really, I add a mental "your mileage may vary". Since everyone is different, not everything will work the same, right? It's hard to remember, though. It has taken me a few years to really get into the mental habit to remind myself when I read advice about things that my mileage may vary. But it has helped me a lot when it comes to trying something and not getting the same results as someone else.

So my advice is to just experiment and find what makes you happy. Whether that's having your hair down all the time, or down 80% of the time but up sometimes, or up all the time, or 50/50, or do half up dos, or braid only part way down and leave the tail super long. Whatever you enjoy the most is what you should do.

As for focusing on the splits and damage, all I can really say is maybe find a way to distract yourself so you're not thinking about it. It's probably not super bad, but I know it seems that way when you're focusing on it so much. It took me a long time to stop biting my nails and finally leave them alone, but even now I still occasionally have some problems because one will have the teeniest little snag and my file is nowhere near me so I pick at it and pick at it and make it worse and I can't stop messing with it. Or when I bite my lip or tongue? I can never stop messing with it, and making it worse! And because I'm messing with it, I'm thinking about it, which makes me mess with it... and so on forever. Not quite the same, of course. But I do focus on stuff that I shouldn't or don't really need to. That's all I meant XD

[lapushka]

Yeah, the most difficult thing is patience, for sure. If you are rooting for it to grow.

Honestly, this might be superfluous advice, but stop thinking about it, ignore it, just make sure it gets its care, and leave it alone to do its thing. That is the best way to deal with this: benign neglect!

If your hair is damaged, it might still take a while for that to resolve itself, but also don't focus on it too much.

Wear it up, down, any which way you please. Most of all, *enjoy* the hair. Because that's the whole point. :flower:

[Nique1202]

Its not the images, its the verbal recommendations. Everywhere I see, people recommend to new users to wear the hair up. That it will never get long without protective styling. That if they are wearing the hair down a lot that they should consider wearing it up instead if they wish to reach a longer length.

I would trim and keep it shorter. But I want it long, I want at least hip. I have never had my natural hair longer than shoulder length/apl. Currently my hair is the longest it has ever been in my whole life. At apl, where I see the breakage the most, i just do not feel good about my hair down or up. So shorter hair isnt really the option for me. I want to be happy with my hair, but it is going to take some "unlearning" of some overly critical behaviors I have learned off here.

A lot of people come to the forum having never had hair much past apl or perhaps midback, having very damaging habits (like ripping through tangles instead of taking them apart gently, and not moving hair out of the way of purse straps or seatbelts) and generally not knowing why their hair seems to stop growing from breakage, or how to take care of longer hair even from the basics of how to wash and condition it properly. That's mainly who the advice of "try wearing it up more" applies to. And even then, we as long-time members shouldn't be phrasing it as the be-all, end-all of advice. That's on us, though it is getting better than it used to be.

Everyone has to find their own balance between wearing hair up and loose. Everyone has to find their own balance between living with visibly damaged ends and having damaging habits. There are plenty of members here who never wear their hair up, and who maintain their hair at a length where they're happy with the ends and it doesn't get in their way loose. I know first-hand how hard it is to get a rude, fixated brain to redirect, but please try to remember that no one piece of advice is universal, and consider what pieces of advice really apply to you compared to someone else's situation.

Also, consider that you may be in an awkward length phase right now. I used to feel unhappy with my hair no matter what it did any time it got past my shoulders, but I knew I wanted longer hair. As I grew it out after my pixie cut, I realized that the entire length of my back was an awkward phase for me. I can be comfortable with hair that touches my bum, and I can be slightly less comfortable but still feel alright with hair above my shoulders, but from my shoulders to my hips my hair feels awful and there's nothing I can do about that except wait it out. No amount of reshaping, colouring, or restyling will help me during that phase. If you are in an awkward phase like that, I sincerely hope it doesn't last as long as mine did, but rest assured that you aren't alone in it.

[Arctic]

We all have different motivations to grow out hair (or not) and going against those inner motivators might really lessen the enjoyment of having/growing your hair long. In the end it culminates in trying to balance your goals, motivations and hair care practices (including updos) that help you get/maintain the hair that makes you happy. Some people learn to love updos, others don't (and other love them to begin with) - but always being unhappy about how your hair looks is not a right route. Feeling good about yourself is very important.

I don't think the wearing one's hair up advice is touted for nothing, though, because it's a tried and true method that works for many. But like already mentioned many advices here are aimed to people wanting to grow super long hair, or help people who come here with damaged hair that doesn't seem to grow. For what it's worth, while I personally love updos, during the past year I have worn my (relatively short) hair down much much more than is typical to me, and it has not changed my hair's condition at all.

[Chromis]

I could turn the question around for you. What is the point of cutting it?

I might be projecting, but it does not sound like your hair is the real issue, merely that it happens to be what you are currently obsessing over to nitpick.

[lizardspots]

LHC can be quite overwhelming with all the advice and recommendations. But you have to decide what works best for you, your life style, and what makes you happy about your hair. For myself, I tried for ages to stretch my washes and I just couldn't - I have happily gone back to alternate day washing and my scalp thanks me for it. I also tried sulphate free shampoo, didn't work for me. I tried giving up my blow dryer, but I still need to use it in the mornings to speed up drying before going to work. I like wearing my hair down for special occasions, I don't always keep it up in a bun. I am breaking a lot of the LHC rules, but it's what suits me and makes me happy about my hair.

[lithostoic]

It's probably breaking off at the ends at the same rate is growing from your scalp. This is why wearing it up is important. I like to wear my hair down, too, but at some point you just suck it up and wear a bun. You could wear it down and still eventually grow out damage but it would take forever and it sounds like you're tired of waiting.

Your hair is damaged from dye, no? I find that my virgin hair is much sturdier than my dyed hair. I definitely won't be wearing protective styles as much when my damage is grown out.

[Groovy Granny]

And if LHC is stressing you more than inspiring you, then maybe it is time to take a break and focus on other things in life. :shrug:

You have the basic info.....take good care of your hair, micro trim to grow or quarterly trim to maintain the length that YOU ENJOY... then WEAR IT UP OR DOWN (how YOU like).

LHC is a baseline...YMMV; not every piece of info is meant for every person, and it is not carved in stone....do what YOU like to do and what your hair seems to like.

Longer lengths tend to get more praise because they stand out to those with longer goals; that doesn't mean your hair is any less pretty at a shorter length.

If a goal is making your crazy....put it up and forget it....or set shorter goals.

Just ENJOY THE JOURNEY and EMBRACE YOUR HAIR FOR WHAT IT IS...UNIQUE and PRETTY!!

[-Fern]

I get that doubt. A lot right now, haha. I love having long hair, but my hair is just really uncomfortable to wear down. If there's any wind, forget it, because I'll wind up strangled in addition to just looking like a mess.

But when it's shorter than APL, it sticks straight out from my head and is incredibly hard to manage. So that's my main motivation. And I'm curious if my Medusa locks will eventually get heavy enough to weigh themselves down and be pleasant to wear down. So... For now, anyhow... Onwards! :)

[Andthetalltrees]

I eventually learned that some of the advice around here just isn't meant for me, and if it works for other people they can follow it but they're not trying to force anyone into it. As been said, If it's bothering you that much just take a step away, Come back in a couple, 4, 6 months and see where you are then.

[Ligeia Noire]

Advice is just that, advice.
You follow if it fits with what you are looking for. If you don't want hair longer than waist or even hip, you surely can get by, by wearing it down carefully and just trim it more often. It will take longer to grow but hey, we can't have it all.
Of course, longer than that, even if you trim it often it is just not practical to wear down constantly and it will get lots of mechanical damage and stagnate the efforts.
I am the opposite I have always preferred my hair up or at least tied even when bsl, people with bushy hair will relate (hi curly tresses :p), because it gets in the way and guess what even up, always, i still had to trim it 3 times or more per year. My hair tangles when I turn my head so imagine the frustration. Nowadays, it is not as bushy so i can get by by trimming less often but I still prefer the look of it up than down, bottom line, be aware of the pros and cons, nothing comes without a price, that's life and do what YOU want and what works for you.

[Andthetalltrees]

Advice is just that advice. You follow if it fits with what you are looking for. If you dont want hair longer than waisy or even hip, you surely csn get by wearing it down carefully and just trim it more often. It will take longer to grow but hey we can't have it all. Of course longer than that even if you trim often it is just not practical to wear it down constantly and it will get lots of mechanical damage and stagnate the efforts. I am the opposite I have always preferred my hair up or at least tied even when bsl because it gets on the way and guess what even up always i still had to trim it 3 times or more per year. My hair tangles when I turn my head so imagine the frustration. So, bottom line, be aware of the pros and cons, nothing comes without a price, that's life and do what YOU want and what works for you.

I grew my hair out to tailbone/classic wearing it down everyday, No trims and having less than ideal practices , It was still growing before I cut it too. I get that most people's hair isn't as resilient but it CAN happen

[Ligeia Noire]

I grew my hair out to tailbone/classic wearing it down everyday, No trims and having less than ideal practices , It was still growing before I cut it too. I get that most people's hair isn't as resilient but it CAN happen


I bet you could but surely it's not generalized. Then again, it's my experience and preference.

[Aredhel]

I grew my hair out to tailbone/classic wearing it down everyday, No trims and having less than ideal practices , It was still growing before I cut it too. I get that most people's hair isn't as resilient but it CAN happen

I did too once, but this isn't always possible or practical for everyone.


Yeah, the most difficult thing is patience, for sure. If you are rooting for it to grow.

Honestly, this might be superfluous advice, but stop thinking about it, ignore it, just make sure it gets its care, and leave it alone to do its thing. That is the best way to deal with this: benign neglect!

If your hair is damaged, it might still take a while for that to resolve itself, but also don't focus on it too much.

Wear it up, down, any which way you please. Most of all, *enjoy* the hair. Because that's the whole point. :flower:

This! If you can't wear it how you want to wear it then there really is no point. We do tend to over think things here and it can get overwhelming when it really doesn't have to be.:)

[MoonRabbit]

I say, enjoy your hair and wear it down if you want. I didn't start wearing my hair up religiously until I reached waist. I would always keep a scrunchie and tie if off in a braid if I felt like the environment was overly dangerous for my hair.


But I totally understand the over-protection, just last night I was putting my hair in a sleep braid and I must have missed a tangle and while braiding, my fingers just ripped right through it. I couldn't stop thinking about the damage I caused. It honestly made me angry.... Try thinking about all the progress you are making, all the bad habits given up, and I bet in the future you will look back on this post with a smile.

[school of fish]

I'm going to answer more fully when I have a bit more time, but right now I'll just say that privately I often feel that I'm on LHC to throw off the bell curve, hahaha!! My routine contravenes so much of the standard practice LHC advice - I'm just not particularly vocal about it ;) I'll comment where I feel I might be of some help to someone that I observe might have similar hair behaviours to mine, but that's about it. I know it can feel that *you're* the one doing it wrong if oft-repeated advice isn't working for you, but you're *not* doing it wrong if that advice doesn't apply to *your* hair :) We all advise by our own experiences, and some of us fall outside the 'average' longhair experience, that's all :)

As for dissatisfaction with damage - yes I have those days too. I try to keep focused on the forest, not the trees. It's gotten way better than when I started but there have been setbacks - I just keep focused on my wins, not my losses. I had a life experience that taught me that you never know when something precious might be taken away in an instant - I'd rather enjoy what I have in the moment, even if it's not what I wish to be, than have it suddenly taken away and regret not cherishing what I did have when I had it... I've applied that experience to every aspect of my life - that's the point for me ;)

That's why I don't obsess over my split ends or lament the hemline I wish I had, and that's why I wear it down and wash it every day, and that's why I don't cut all my old damage back to a 'healthy' baseline... because I know that I'd miss this hair I have now just as it is if I suddenly woke up tomorrow and found it gone :)

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

To all advice, anywhere really, I add a mental "your mileage may vary". Since everyone is different, not everything will work the same, right? It's hard to remember, though. It has taken me a few years to really get into the mental habit to remind myself when I read advice about things that my mileage may vary. But it has helped me a lot when it comes to trying something and not getting the same results as someone else.

So my advice is to just experiment and find what makes you happy. Whether that's having your hair down all the time, or down 80% of the time but up sometimes, or up all the time, or 50/50, or do half up dos, or braid only part way down and leave the tail super long. Whatever you enjoy the most is what you should do.

As for focusing on the splits and damage, all I can really say is maybe find a way to distract yourself so you're not thinking about it. It's probably not super bad, but I know it seems that way when you're focusing on it so much. It took me a long time to stop biting my nails and finally leave them alone, but even now I still occasionally have some problems because one will have the teeniest little snag and my file is nowhere near me so I pick at it and pick at it and make it worse and I can't stop messing with it. Or when I bite my lip or tongue? I can never stop messing with it, and making it worse! And because I'm messing with it, I'm thinking about it, which makes me mess with it... and so on forever. Not quite the same, of course. But I do focus on stuff that I shouldn't or don't really need to. That's all I meant XD

Thank you. I very much appareciate your comment.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

I'm going to answer more fully when I have a bit more time, but right now I'll just say that privately I often feel that I'm on LHC to throw off the bell curve, hahaha!! My routine contravenes so much of the standard practice LHC advice - I'm just not particularly vocal about it ;) I'll comment where I feel I might be of some help to someone that I observe might have similar hair behaviours to mine, but that's about it. I know it can feel that *you're* the one doing it wrong if oft-repeated advice isn't working for you, but you're *not* doing it wrong if that advice doesn't apply to *your* hair :) We all advise by our own experiences, and some of us fall outside the 'average' longhair experience, that's all :)

As for dissatisfaction with damage - yes I have those days too. I try to keep focused on the forest, not the trees. It's gotten way better than when I started but there have been setbacks - I just keep focused on my wins, not my losses. I had a life experience that taught me that you never know when something precious might be taken away in an instant - I'd rather enjoy what I have in the moment, even if it's not what I wish to be, than have it suddenly taken away and regret not cherishing what I did have when I had it... I've applied that experience to every aspect of my life - that's the point for me ;)

That's why I don't obsess over my split ends or lament the hemline I wish I had, and that's why I wear it down and wash it every day, and that's why I don't cut all my old damage back to a 'healthy' baseline... because I know that I'd miss this hair I have now just as it is if I suddenly woke up tomorrow and found it gone :)
True that! I very much appreciate the last portion of your comment! Thank you.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

I could turn the question around for you. What is the point of cutting it?

I might be projecting, but it does not sound like your hair is the real issue, merely that it happens to be what you are currently obsessing over to nitpick.

Well, I guess the point of trimming for me is to make my ends look at least a little neater and less, disgusting. My hair doesn't fairytale nicely like most of you. I have alopecia above my ears so the sides grow much slower and much thinner than the rest, so my hemline is not the nicest thing I've seen. I have been a part of the "no trims for the first half of the year" challenge, after going from monthly micro trims, and yes. I saw growth from not cutting. A lot of it in fact. I'm maybe 1 1/2" from waist now. But not trimming has made me focus a lot on damage that well, otherwise, I probably could have prevented with micro dusting monthly -- or could not prevent at all because that's just how my hair type is. But not trimming at all, I think has made me a little mentally coo-coo about the state of my ends. The challenge is almost over, this is the last month so I haven't broken down yet, but I'm having inner turmoil about what I want to do with my hair when it's over.

It's actually so stressful trying to decide if I should trim my ends when it's over. I'm naturally very nit picky, I have GAD and other mental issues and stress is something that will eventually find my hair. I pick at my ends when I'm stressed, bored, anxious. I play with my hair as well.

So as you can see, overall, hair has become a bit of a stressor for me either way. It's up, I'm bothered. It's down, im bothered.

[spidermom]

I struggled with these exact issues for far too long. Everybody already knows what I finally decided to do about it.

[meteor]

If you love to wear hair down, I'd just wear it down! :flower: Many people grow out beautiful long hair very easily while wearing it down.
The only reason I wear it up all the time is because it gets into everything and is ridiculously hot and simply annoying to me when it's down. Even when it was much shorter, I still practically always contained the thick mess in some way - from half-ups to braids and ponies. Not that it looks better that way, it's just way more comfortable for movement. I think if you can handle wearing it down and, particularly, if you enjoy it more down, you should just stick with what you like. :D

[Cherriezzzzz]

Your hair is longer then mine ;) I can't wait for BSL! But please enjoy it instead of loathe damage. Experiment with ways to help your damage, other then ways you despise like wearing it up! I've successfully used 5 percent panthenol spray on damage with excellent results both on myself, friends, family, and clients when I did hairdressing. It can be FUN to try new hair oils, masks, powders, dyi hair everything, and conditioners. (All in moderation mind you.) I've had fun watching YouTube personalities with long hair too. Get inspired, you're probably a long way from where you started? The best part is, if you don't cut your hair YOU WILL HAVE YOUR HIP LENGTH HAIR GOAL MET :disco: Enjoy the ride, not just the destination! :cheese:

[VersLaLumière]

MBL was a bad length for me for wearing down. Once my hair was long enough to fold slightly and drape over my shoulders (fold "crease" over one shoulder, tail over the other) I could get away with wearing if down more regularly. I would carry sticks with me and would put it up when I needed to get in a car or carry any sort of bag on my shoulder. I would recommend wearing it up under the two circumstances I outlined and carrying sticks, and wearing it down when you are able to pay attention to where your hair is (keep it out from between you and a seat back, for example)

I second this. I enjoy wearing my hair down too, not every day but on my days off work I'm more likely to wear it down. So I just try to be mindful, like akurah suggests I make an effort to get it out of the way of seat backs when it's down, and I have sticks or clips handy just to put it up even if it's just for a few minutes while accomplishing some task.

I'm not sure if you like bangs/fringe or not but this is one of the reasons I have bangs. I just don't like my hair when it's up otherwise. With bangs I feel like it can still look cute when it's up and I can enjoy wearing it up as much as down.

The important thing is to just do whatever you need to do to enjoy your hair :) I understand the frustration with wanting it to grow...your hair is getting longer though. 24.5" is not that short (assuming your measurement is updated?) That's exactly where I was at in January, which felt pretty short to me too at that time, but now only five months later it feels quite a bit longer.

One thing I can say about putting it up is that when I get frustrated with the length or with anything else about it, putting it up gets it out of my way so I don't have to deal with it or keep thinking about it. I just find it makes the process a little easier and I don't notice how much time it takes to grow as much. So it's not just about reducing damage to the hair but also about not having to focus on it too much.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

I second this. I enjoy wearing my hair down too, not every day but on my days off work I'm more likely to wear it down. So I just try to be mindful, like akurah suggests I make an effort to get it out of the way of seat backs when it's down, and I have sticks or clips handy just to put it up even if it's just for a few minutes while accomplishing some task.

I'm not sure if you like bangs/fringe or not but this is one of the reasons I have bangs. I just don't like my hair when it's up otherwise. With bangs I feel like it can still look cute when it's up and I can enjoy wearing it up as much as down.

The important thing is to just do whatever you need to do to enjoy your hair :) I understand the frustration with wanting it to grow...your hair is getting longer though. 24.5" is not that short (assuming your measurement is updated?) That's exactly where I was at in January, which felt pretty short to me too at that time, but now only five months later it feels quite a bit longer.

One thing I can say about putting it up is that when I get frustrated with the length or with anything else about it, putting it up gets it out of my way so I don't have to deal with it or keep thinking about it. I just find it makes the process a little easier and I don't notice how much time it takes to grow as much. So it's not just about reducing damage to the hair but also about not having to focus on it too much.
I do have bangs, without bangs I would NEVER wear it up. Haha.

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement. I find them very rarely lately.

[DarkChocolate]

I am in the same boat with respect to hair taking so long to grow. Mine has only grown about 2 inches a year and the ends fray like crazy so I have a had a hard time determining which length I am at. For me, 10 hairs will reach hip so I don't know if I can call it hip. I am excited about my newest experiment with castor and coconut oil and egg packs on my hair. I am seeing alot of new growth. It is too early to tell if it working or just my imagination. I am very frustrated too:(