Loving the Judgement

[marvel-lover]

Please excuse this thread if there is one like it, but I thought this would be a great place to talk about the judgement we face each day.

I know most of use are used to the stares and the comments about our hair length or hairstyling choice (e.g.- our decisions to use forks or sticks instead of trendy hairties). So this can be a place where we extend advice to others who maybe do take offense to the judgement, and even share some funny stories about our experiences!

[Dendra]

I have not yet experienced any judgement as my hair is still a very everyday length - we'll see what happens when I start wearing hair forks. I've already been called a hippy multiple times in my life so I'm expecting more of the same :shrug:

[lapushka]

My mom loves my long hair. On Sunday, wash day, it is clipped up curly girl method (but with a big clip for the length as well), and it's kind of a looser style than the tight buns I usually go for during the week. She *loves* that more loose look (and I do too), but the clips are just too much and don't provide enough hold during the week. She doesn't exactly judge me for the tight buns, but she does tell me the other "look" is a better one. I don't mind, she's my mom, right. But still. I like my buns. :lol: ;)

I don't get judgement from other people, I don't think. I barely see other people. :)

[unheardletters]

My hair isn't long enough now for judgement, but when it was long I never had a problem. Some people commented on how long it was, but that was it. I didn't wear it up then because I didn't know any better. I wish I had known ways to put my hair up because I would not have cut it all off if I had.

[Aredhel]

Fortunately because I have very straight and thin hair, I've had more people compliment my hair ("OMG your hair is soooo silky and long!!") than judge negatively. I guess the only people who have ever said anything mean about my hair is my family... ex., hair that long makes you look even shorter, hair that long should never be left loose because it's not proper, thin hair looks bad really long... things like that.:) It doesn't bother me though.

[esfand]

I haven't been judged for long hair, in fact the longer it grows the more compliments and smiles I get! But I live in Sacramento, NorCal where a lot of women have waist length hair. We'll see how it is once my hair is butt-length!

[lapis_lazuli]

Occasionally I'll be asked why (?) my hair is so long, but not often enough to bother me.

[spidermom]

I didn't encounter much judgement even with leg-length hair. Some people were awed by it. My father told me I'd look younger if I got it cut into something stylish. By "something stylish", he meant how women wore their hair in the 1950s. (now I have short hair and love it)

[Mrstran]

The only comment I've gotten recently was a disgusted look. Non verbal comment I guess, when I told my sister I didn't use shampoo and only washed with co every two weeks.

Since then thanks to a LHC'er I've learned to wash my hair with poo in a way my hair can tolerate it. Now I'm doing weekly washes! I haven't told her yet but am looking forward to it.

[Decoy24601]

I used to be judged for my long hair by my step mother, but long hair seems to be not too uncommon where I live, even though I very very rarely see hair as long as mine. The closest I get to judgement here is the occasional comment from a creepy man who likely has a ****** for long hair (disclaimer: I know I'm making assumptions, but I can tell when I am being hit on and I've never had those kind of comments for the length of my hair until around this length. Also, second disclaimer, it's not the ****** itself that makes those guys creepy, they just act creepy and tend to stare).

[NightSister]

I do get comments when I oil my hair, but I think its more out of curiosity than anything. I usually apply at the scalp the night before and french braid for work the next day, so between the scent of the EOs and the texture people cant help but ask about it.

[sumidha]

I've never been judged for my long hair, but I've also always lived in places where it was not completely uncommon, plus it's basically never down.

[MoonRabbit]

Fortunately because I have very straight and thin hair, I've had more people compliment my hair ("OMG your hair is soooo silky and long!!") than judge negatively. I guess the only people who have ever said anything mean about my hair is my family... ex., hair that long makes you look even shorter, hair that long should never be left loose because it's not proper, thin hair looks bad really long... things like that.:) It doesn't bother me though.

Many people told me long hair will make me look shorter but I don't see this illusion.
-------

I haven't had a negative reaction to my hair yet since it isn't extremely long. I got a compliment on my hairstick the other day, which felt really nice.

[BraidFreak]

I don't have very long hair yet and so haven't been judged due to length but I've definitely been judged for my hair oiling, buns and braids. it's never mean comments just confused faces :cool:

[Alex Lou]

I'm another of those who only gets compliments. Long hair and buns are classic feminine elegance. I mean, I'm sure someone is judging, but at least they have the decency to keep it to themselves.

[JillRenee]

One of the trainers at my last job called me a hippie.

A few years ago I overheard a weirdo at the local drugstore muttering to himself that he wanted to cut off all my hair. After that I switched from a ponytail style to a bun. I switch placement of my bun from the back to the top of my head depending.

In the past few years I have spend a lot of time in Oncolgists' offices, cancer treatment centers, and hospitals, while my husband received chemotherapy. It seemed cruel and insensitive to flaunt my hair in these settings, so it stayed in a bun. Only one time did someone comment on my hair, and it was not a cancer patient, but a rather odd woman in the elevator. One of the chop and donate brigade. (My hair length didn't bother my husband in the least, even when all of his fell out. There was just so much more to think about.)

So my hair seldom gets let down in public. I wear it down in one or two braids in safe places, with my family or in church. At the last job a man started squawking at me about why did I always wear my hair up that way, no one could see its beauty etc. I was taken by surprise and just stared at him. That was a very very strange workplace.

Oh, and one of the supervisors walked into the lady's room when I was redoing my bun. She gave me a dirty look and made a rude remark, which I have forgotten. I think I made the right decision in quitting that job, although I don't have any job at the moment.

[mermaid lullaby]

I get "hippy" and "hair guru" from my sister and mom. I even get asked if I will grow it longer; occationally from my other family members. My grandma has never said anything bad about it. She encourages me to keep it long and...I love how princess-ey I look with curls. I just sometimes wonder if I get judged while I'm shopping so I keep my hair in buns most of the time.

[Katia_k]

I don't get judged for my length, but it's not that long. My mother does judge the crap out of me for the fact that I don't brush it daily though. She and my dad *hate* it so much; they would prefer frizzy 80s waves.

[akurah]

I can't say I've ever really been judged enough to stick out in my mind. Hairdressers give me a hard time, which is unfortunate, because I would love to pay THEM to dye my hair if I could be sure the scissors got nowhere near it AND that I didn't continue to get an earful about it being too long. It's almost like they don't want money.

I did have one comment a ... i guess it was longer than "awhile ago", could possibly even be years now, about when I was going to donate my hair. I think next time I may explain to them that places like that generally don't need your hair, they have plenty of that from just getting so, so much, they need your money to hire/pay wigmakers. :rolleyes: And if I don't say that next time, I may instead say, "Well, when are you going to donate a part of your kidney, half your liver, or one of your lungs? You don't need both/all of those organs..."

[Siri]

I've never had judgemental comments made about my hair. I've had lots of compliments and people saying they remember me because of my hair.

[olivetime]

I was recently told I won't look good with long hair, lol!

[pandabarrier]

Now at hip length I definitively get more stares, not necessarily negative neither positive. My hair is bunned most times, but sometimes I have to redo the bun in the subway because the updo is falling apart, and I get some stares. Or I feel someone is staring at my bun (maybe hair sticks and hair forks are rare here).

[Lisa Long4Life]

I work with teenagers so sometimes they comment if I'm wearing a stick (why have you got a pencil/chopstick in your hair?), or fork. Some of the girls are interested/fascinated how they can hold a bun with no other grips. Sometimes I get bitchy sniggers from them.
I generally shrug it off.

[EdG]

I used to receive hair complements when I wore my hair loose.

In recent years, bun complements are much rarer. The Silver Swirl seems to leave people speechless. ;)
Ed

[Hay_jules]

I used to be judged for my long hair by my step mother, but long hair seems to be not too uncommon where I live, even though I very very rarely see hair as long as mine. The closest I get to judgement here is the occasional comment from a creepy man who likely has a ****** for long hair (disclaimer: I know I'm making assumptions, but I can tell when I am being hit on and I've never had those kind of comments for the length of my hair until around this length. Also, second disclaimer, it's not the ****** itself that makes those guys creepy, they just act creepy and tend to stare).

I've never had hair long enough for judgement myself but i worked in a department store with an older woman who had hair that she wore in a ponytailed English braid and it just passed classic braided. She got hit on and asked out all the time. There were quite a few of them that had that same creepy vibe, they just leered at her. There were even a few "regulars" who came to chat her up evey day but never bought anything.

[Siv]

I've never had hair long enough for judgement myself but i worked in a department store with an older woman who had hair that she wore in a ponytailed English braid and it just passed classic braided. She got hit on and asked out all the time. There were quite a few of them that had that same creepy vibe, they just leered at her. There were even a few "regulars" who came to chat her up evey day but never bought anything.

This might be a bit different than the OP asked for, since I never had past WL, but it is some form or judgement, I suppose. I've been told so many times that I can't cut my hair. By well meaning family members and friends, I don't mind it so much and brush it off as a compliment. But from SO's telling me they only like girls with long hair, even after I chopped it off? Not so much. And it's happened with two different exs so far. I like long hair, but I don't like being judged as less desirable without it, like a young woman needs to have long hair to be desirable. Perhaps because of gender roles ingrained in me since birth, or what have you, I'm a woman and quite straight and I've never seen hair as something sexual, so it really rubs me the wrong way whenever I see people sexualise long hair in whatever way!

[Shepherdess]

I used to get more judgment with my hair before than I do now, though I also leave it out less than before because of that. For the most part recently I have had some sweet comments from people, one lady asked if my hair was real because she couldn't believe how thick it was, then made a nice compliment to me.

The judgmental comments that I had in the past that bothered me the most were "you should donate your hair to people less fortunate than you", "how do you go to the bathroom?", "you are just trying to show off", and stuff like that.

[Hairkay]

There's some family friends that say I and my niece look alike. I disagree since the niece has her mother's face. They keep saying it's the hair. Yes we've got the same length hair but that's just a coincidence. Her mother cut it to stop it growing past her waist. She's got coarse hair mostly 3b with a tiny bit of 4a. I've got medium hair, 3c/4a.

[Shiranshoku]

I'm starting to have people asking me if I've ever peed on my hair, which I guess shows how my colleagues have no social filter, and that it's getting really long? :D
I do get 'when are you going to donate your hair?' sometimes. And people call me hair-obsessed. Which I am, so I really don't mind.

I actually had some bonding with a fellow longhair today at work. One of my colleagues got her hair bleached and cut. It's very pretty, but since she has a lot of thick hair, the product was left on her scalp too long and her scalp is very burnt - as in scabs with liquid oozing from them. While me and my colleague were shocked and sorry for her, she got loads of compliments, people telling her it was worth it, ... and she herself will be going back to the same hairdresser because she loves the look so much.

But wanting to grow hair to your knees? Totally socially unacceptable. The world is a strange place.

[Aredhel]

I'm starting to have people asking me if I've ever peed on my hair, which I guess shows how my colleagues have no social filter, and that it's getting really long? :D
I do get 'when are you going to donate your hair?' sometimes. And people call me hair-obsessed. Which I am, so I really don't mind.

I actually had some bonding with a fellow longhair today at work. One of my colleagues got her hair bleached and cut. It's very pretty, but since she has a lot of thick hair, the product was left on her scalp too long and her scalp is very burnt - as in scabs with liquid oozing from them. While me and my colleague were shocked and sorry for her, she got loads of compliments, people telling her it was worth it, ... and she herself will be going back to the same hairdresser because she loves the look so much.

But wanting to grow hair to your knees? Totally socially unacceptable. The world is a strange place.
OMG that's horrifying!!:shocked: My friend and I once went to a high end salon (for her) to dye her hair black, and I guess the stylist forgot about her and left the dye in her hair for too long. I literally had to go find someone because my friend felt like she'd been sitting there for too long, and they rushed in to wash it out...after she got home that night she said she realized her hair was fried. So her dad went storming into the salon the next morning and demanded the money back. And he got it back. I have been very wary of salons since that incident....

But anyway, I've also been asked if my hair falls into the toilet when I pee.:rolleyes: Honestly people...

[vpatt]

Fortunately because I have very straight and thin hair, I've had more people compliment my hair ("OMG your hair is soooo silky and long!!") than judge negatively. I guess the only people who have ever said anything mean about my hair is my family... ex., hair that long makes you look even shorter, hair that long should never be left loose because it's not proper, thin hair looks bad really long... things like that.:) It doesn't bother me though.

I think people who are less tall look really good with long hair. I am tall myself and I've noticed often that shorter people with long hair just look really good with it. In theory it seems that would not be true, but I like the look.

[Aunt Rapunzel]

I've never been judged (that I've been aware of) for my long hair. People are usually very complimentary. I have had some comments that surprised me...Like a few years ago, I donated 19" of hair, and one of the men at work said, "I can't believe that your boyfriend allowed you to cut your beautiful hair!" And now that it's getting longer, I've had total strangers tell me that I should donate my hair. I suppose it can be taken as a compliment, because they also tell me that they think it's beautiful...But really...I don't think anyone would be okay with it if strangers came up to wealthy people and said, "Wow, you have a lot of money. You should donate that." ;)

[littlestarface]

I've never been judged (that I've been aware of) for my long hair. People are usually very complimentary. I have had some comments that surprised me...Like a few years ago, I donated 19" of hair, and one of the men at work said, "I can't believe that your boyfriend allowed you to cut your beautiful hair!" And now that it's getting longer, I've had total strangers tell me that I should donate my hair. I suppose it can be taken as a compliment, because they also tell me that they think it's beautiful...But really...I don't think anyone would be okay with it if strangers came up to wealthy people and said, "Wow, you have a lot of money. You should donate that." ;)
LOOOL I wonder how the rich would like that!

[mousehouse]

My hairs never gone far past BSL.. Maybe it's been MBL or close before... But people often tell me it's too thin to grow that long (my circumference is 2.0").... Well, I disagree.

[Cassandre Brave]

Fortunately I never had negative judgments about my hair. These are still around waist length, but it's true that sometimes my family is clearly annoyed when they see me combing and style my hair. They always think that I spend too much time just for that. I always explain them calmly that if I do nothing, then my hair wouldn't be as healthy as now. Plus they think I'm crazy to grow my hair to ankle, they think that it will be a pain for me. They don't understand that when I'm handling something in my hands for a long time, it helps me to reduce anxiety!

However, from friends or strangers... Well, strangers looks at me, however it's certainly because I make 2 fishtails, with thin colored satin ribbon, and as it is pretty uncommon in France (there, the fashion is "Always black or white, with no fantaisies, plus always sulk", that's not as funny as Japan's or Indian's or African's fashion), well, they look my hair as they are curious, I think.

My friends aren't enthrall by my hair, but once I had a comment like "Your hair are so long, looks so silky and shiny!". Usually, some asks me how much time I spend to take care of my hair, how I style them like this, etc...

Well... The fact is that I always never let my hair unbraided, except when it's time to sleep. (I put my hair in my silk cap, but I don't style them in order to avoid breakages.) So a few people saw it unbraided. (Sometimes I remake my braids when I'm at school, but that's not everyday.).

[Cg]

My hair is always up when in public, so the only folks who see it down (to dry) are neighbors I've known for years. They have either said complimentary things or remained mute. Ideal neighbors.

[vpatt]

My hair is always up when in public, so the only folks who see it down (to dry) are neighbors I've known for years. They have either said complimentary things or remained mute. Ideal neighbors.

I had to laugh, but I agree, ideal neighbors. :agree:

[WildandSeawhite]

I just had to share an exchange I had with my hair stylist today. :rolleyes: This is only the second time I have been to her. She does a very good job with my hair, but I find it very difficult to have a conversation with her. Just to be conversational, I mentioned to her that I had joined this online community about having and caring for long hair. I told her that some people even have hair down to their feet. I meant for the comment to be complimentary, but she said "Oh, I think that's gross!" Then, quickly, as she realized what she had said, she added, "You're not trying to grow yours that long, are you?" She sounded concerned that she may have offended me. I told her no, that I wasn't. And she continued, "Oh good! How can they even go to the bathroom??!" I'm really not a confrontational person, so I didn't know what to say. I just replied that it wasn't something I had ever asked. And she told me that I should! I'm constantly amazed by the things other people say. And I'm confused as to why she, as a hairdresser, can't grasp the concept of someone with long hair being able to put it up and keep it out of the way when they need to. :disbelief

[Corvana]

And she continued, "Oh good! How can they even go to the bathroom??!"

"I assume on a toilet like most people tend to do" would've been my response :laugh: Or "Gosh I don't know! I still can't figure out how people use the bathroom wearing a skirt or a dress!"

[Arctic]

Having been reading the forums for 10 years, the toilet issue seems to be perpetually puzzling to many people. Maybe it just tells where their mind is. :flasher:

[Aredhel]

I think people who are less tall look really good with long hair. I am tall myself and I've noticed often that shorter people with long hair just look really good with it. In theory it seems that would not be true, but I like the look.

Well I'm glad someone thinks so! Thank you for that, vpatt! :)

[WildandSeawhite]

"I assume on a toilet like most people tend to do" would've been my response :laugh: Or "Gosh I don't know! I still can't figure out how people use the bathroom wearing a skirt or a dress!"

LOL Either of those responses would have been perfect, Corvana! I always think of the most witty responses at least a half hour after I've missed my window.


Having been reading the forums for 10 years, the toilet issue seems to be perpetually puzzling to many people. Maybe it just tells where their mind is. :flasher:

It had honestly never even crossed my mind before she mentioned it. I must say, I thought it a very odd response. :roll:

[ladyfey]

I never got much, even at floor length. Most people would be impressed, and have a lot of questions. I've gotten more judgement with my pixie cut (which I love love love) Some people only like long hair on women, and feel the need to share that opinion!