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View Full Version : Accepting hair for what it is, A certain kind of peace.



Andthetalltrees
April 25th, 2017, 12:17 AM
I'm at such an interesting place with my hair right now. I want it longer, But I'm not being impatient with it and enjoying it for what it is . I've learned just shampooing and conditioning with normal cheap products several times a weeks works best with my scalp/hair. I know that it's going to be somewhat rough feeling and frizzy-not-really-wavy straight hair, I'm not concerned with trying to make it into something it's not anymore with products and long processes that make little difference. I'm not worried about how much I wear it down vs up, It's whatever I feel like. Letting it grown without trims because I can't be bothered. I feel like even though I'm growing to love my hair even more, It's becoming less important in my life. It'll be long eventually, But I'll never appreciate if I don't love it for what it is. That happened last time and it just ended up with me being stressed out about it and chopping it back off because I felt like it wasn't good enough.

I don't know why I'm posting this, but I was thinking about this tonight and how happy I am about it.

Kake
April 25th, 2017, 12:58 AM
Great post. Self acceptance is something I'm deliberately practising these days, so I love your post.

Andthetalltrees
April 25th, 2017, 01:00 AM
Great post. Self acceptance is something I'm deliberately practising these days, so I love your post.

Due to some other issues in my life I've came to realize that I'm very much lacking in self acceptance and that causes a lot of issues for me. I find it interesting that accepting my hair has been the first thing to happen.. Good luck in your quest!

littlestarface
April 25th, 2017, 01:03 AM
It's always been hard for me to accept my hair even now, so for me I have to always keep my hair up or braided. Out of sight out of mind.

Rosamaria
April 25th, 2017, 01:58 AM
I was so pleased that you did post it. It was great to read, especially this bit:

"Letting it grown without trims because I can't be bothered. I feel like even though I'm growing to love my hair even more, It's becoming less important in my life. It'll be long eventually, But I'll never appreciate if I don't love it for what it is. That happened last time and it just ended up with me being stressed out about it and chopping it back off because I felt like it wasn't good enough."

That is exactly what I did - cutting my hair because I felt it wasn't good enough - and I am now, just like you, just letting it grow without trims and loving it for what it is. Each month it's a little longer, lies differently and instead of criticising it, I am looking at with a benevolent interest and appreciating the process. I am also feeling a lot of relief and freedom from my realisation that I never need to enter a hairdresser's again! I can just leave it to do its thing, or trim it myself if I want to.

There is certainly a peace that comes with an acceptance that your hair is what it is, and that it fundamentally will be what it is, regardless of whether you have it cut short or whether you grow it long. In my case, my hair is not very thick, and it's dark brown sprinkled with silver. It will never be thick, or an eye-catching colour, but it is my hair, and I can grow it long and enjoy it.

lottiealice
April 25th, 2017, 02:42 AM
I, too, have cut my hair (last year) because I wasn't satisfied with my growth. It turned out for the best though, because I realised I was starting to resent my hair and growing it had become almost an anxiety for me and besides, now the condition is much better and I don't have as many split ends or tapering either. It's lovely to see some self acceptance, it's quite inspiring really.

Simsy
April 25th, 2017, 02:52 AM
It is peaceful, like dropping a heavy weight and telling the world, "No, this is harder than it should be. I'm not carrying it."

Almost a quiet revolution, where you decide that you are good enough, just as you; no one can ever take that away from you without you giving it to them.

I'm sorry, I got a bit philosophical....

Arctic
April 25th, 2017, 02:58 AM
I'm glad you did post, this is an important message!

Fia
April 25th, 2017, 03:26 AM
Wish everyone could experience that wonderful feeling when you finally make peace with yourself and your body. Accepting it for what it is. And not fighting it any longer. That fight is so hard on us, on every level of our being. And when not engaging in it any longer it is a huge weight that is lifted from us.

Sarahlabyrinth
April 25th, 2017, 04:17 AM
It is peaceful, like dropping a heavy weight and telling the world, "No, this is harder than it should be. I'm not carrying it."

Almost a quiet revolution, where you decide that you are good enough, just as you; no one can ever take that away from you without you giving it to them.

I'm sorry, I got a bit philosophical....

This is so true. I hope everyone here can learn to be accepting of self, and kind. Treating themselves as being worthy of loving kindness.

embee
April 25th, 2017, 05:38 AM
Like this post. :) And this feeling feeds into Benign Neglect, which is my favorite method of hair care. There's more in my life than products and measuring and worrying about every little hair.

When my hair was short it was always unsatisfactory and needed work every single day of my life. I was unable to accept it for what it was or let the worry and fuss go. Now, I'm free of that. Ahhhh.

Aredhel
April 25th, 2017, 08:07 AM
This is a very positive and healthy way to think, and a wonderful reminder to everyone. Thank you for posting this. :flower:

likelikepenny
April 25th, 2017, 10:35 AM
Just what I needed for the day. Thank you for posting this.

Groovy Granny
April 25th, 2017, 11:06 AM
I am so happy for you...and all who can say this :thumbsup:

My peace came during the first year here at LHC when I realized my silver was going to be wurly with full blown curls in humid weather.
At first I resisted it, and was very unsettled because Hubby did not seem to care for it.
Resisting was futile...it is what it is :shrug:.... so I came to accept my hair for the natural beauty it is; learning the proper care of my type helped immensely.
Once I accepted it and explained my hair type to Hubby, I grew to ignore others 'opinions' (including HIS :p ) and all the naysayers who feel I should not have long hair at my age...never mind it being silver :lala: = :meditate:

Andthetalltrees
April 25th, 2017, 11:42 AM
I am so happy for you...and all who can say this :thumbsup:

My peace came during the first year here at LHC when I realized my silver was going to be wurly with full blown curls in humid weather.
At first I resisted it, and was very unsettled because Hubby did not seem to care for it.
Resisting was futile...it is what it is :shrug:.... so I came to accept my hair for the natural beauty it is; learning the proper care of my type helped immensely.
Once I accepted it and explained my hair type to Hubby, I grew to ignore others 'opinions' (including HIS :p ) and all the naysayers who feel I should not have long hair at my age...never mind it being silver :lala: = :meditate:

I think that accepting hair type has to be one of the hardest things. My hair is neither straight or wavy, It tends to just look like messy straight hair that some people take as me not taking care of my hair(I don't know how many times I've been accused of it being tangled or not washed when really it just likes to clump and frizz). For the longest time I thought it was actually wavy and I was pulling them out which was causing the frizz and messiness. But I tried hair products for wavy/curly hair, I did the routines, Give it all the moisture in the world and at best I can get a handful of loose S waves that don't last and it just ends up right back where I started.

Like you said resisting is futile, I learned that what's proper for my hair is less is more and I learned a few things along the way that has helped(Weirdly not encouraging the waves is better for my hair). In the end I'm just going to have to live with it as it is. Even if I wouldn't choose it, I wouldn't change it now(Lengthy routines, Curling or straightening it often I just can't handle) and anyone who doesn't like it, doesn't have to look at it :rolleyes:

ReadingRenee
April 25th, 2017, 11:49 AM
I have definitely noticed a correlation between self acceptance with myself and my body image and my hair. Last time I grew my hair out, it wasn't what I thought/wanted it to be and so I cut it short again. sigh... Now I have come to realize and accept my hair more for what it is. Still struggling with that frizzy part you mention. My hair has always been "wild" looking. I used to get called Medusa in high school because it would make long ropes when I wore it down. My mom was always trying to brush it and calling it "messy". So, I definitely know what you are talking about there.

That is so great that you have reached that level of self acceptance with your hair! I am still working on it. :meditate:

Groovy Granny
April 25th, 2017, 11:59 AM
I think that accepting hair type has to be one of the hardest things. My hair is neither straight or wavy, It tends to just look like messy straight hair that some people take as me not taking care of my hair(I don't know how many times I've been accused of it being tangled or not washed when really it just likes to clump and frizz). For the longest time I thought it was actually wavy and I was pulling them out which was causing the frizz and messiness. But I tried hair products for wavy/curly hair, I did the routines, Give it all the moisture in the world and at best I can get a handful of loose S waves that don't last and it just ends up right back where I started.

Like you said resisting is futile, I learned that what's proper for my hair is less is more and I learned a few things along the way that has helped(Weirdly not encouraging the waves is better for my hair). In the end I'm just going to have to live with it as it is. Even if I wouldn't choose it, I wouldn't change it now(Lengthy routines, Curling or straightening it often I just can't handle) and anyone who doesn't like it, doesn't have to look at it :rolleyes:

It isn't always easy accepting it...others' hair can look so perfect (grass is always greener :wink: )...when in fact no head of hair is perfect :shrug:

It is what it is; we do the best we can to manage/style it as we like, but the bottom line is to try to embrace our hair for the natural beauty that is OURS ALONE :flower:

I am sure I would find your hair lovely.....but yup....we are not here to decorate anyone's world :wigtongue:

I can't believe anyone would have the balls to accuse you of those things , but sadly they do :thud:

Kake
April 26th, 2017, 05:45 AM
Due to some other issues in my life I've came to realize that I'm very much lacking in self acceptance and that causes a lot of issues for me. I find it interesting that accepting my hair has been the first thing to happen.. Good luck in your quest!

Thank you so much. Good luck to you too.

lapushka
April 26th, 2017, 06:54 AM
I'm at such an interesting place with my hair right now. I want it longer, But I'm not being impatient with it and enjoying it for what it is . I've learned just shampooing and conditioning with normal cheap products several times a weeks works best with my scalp/hair. I know that it's going to be somewhat rough feeling and frizzy-not-really-wavy straight hair, I'm not concerned with trying to make it into something it's not anymore with products and long processes that make little difference. I'm not worried about how much I wear it down vs up, It's whatever I feel like. Letting it grown without trims because I can't be bothered. I feel like even though I'm growing to love my hair even more, It's becoming less important in my life. It'll be long eventually, But I'll never appreciate if I don't love it for what it is. That happened last time and it just ended up with me being stressed out about it and chopping it back off because I felt like it wasn't good enough.

I don't know why I'm posting this, but I was thinking about this tonight and how happy I am about it.

They also refer to this "stage" as *benign neglect* - it is a very peaceful stage indeed. I feel I'm constantly at this point. I am still growing towards TBL though, but I am not in a hurry. It will get there when it will get there, and in the mean time, I maintain, change up a few products but still use the same kinds of methods, week in, week out.

:thumbsup:

Hay_jules
April 26th, 2017, 09:07 AM
Great post, I'm glad you shared. I too feel that my self acceptance as a whole has grown since learning to accept my hair. I used to straighten every single day. Shortly after joining LHC my bf was giving me a hard time about not "taking care" of my hair. I explained to him how the things i was doing now were "taking care" (pre-poo oiling and air drying and leaving it alone) and that the heat styling was ruining it. I told him I didn't plan to straighten my hair again unless it was for a wedding so he was gonna have to deal with my natural texture. Somewhere along the way i accepted it too. I like being able to take a step back and observing my hair in the wild.

It's had a trickle effect and I'm more ok going out without makeup now too. I still like to wear it when i feel like it but I don't feel I look hideous without it. I'm ok with what I see im the mirror and it truly started with accepting my hair "as is".

lapushka
April 26th, 2017, 12:30 PM
It's had a trickle effect and I'm more ok going out without makeup now too. I still like to wear it when i feel like it but I don't feel I look hideous without it. I'm ok with what I see im the mirror and it truly started with accepting my hair "as is".

That is amazing. :) I'm glad you're more OK with *you*. That's always beautiful. :)

Groovy Granny
April 26th, 2017, 12:44 PM
I'm at such an interesting place with my hair right now. I want it longer, But I'm not being impatient with it and enjoying it for what it is . I've learned just shampooing and conditioning with normal cheap products several times a weeks works best with my scalp/hair. I know that it's going to be somewhat rough feeling and frizzy-not-really-wavy straight hair, I'm not concerned with trying to make it into something it's not anymore with products and long processes that make little difference. I'm not worried about how much I wear it down vs up, It's whatever I feel like. Letting it grown without trims because I can't be bothered. I feel like even though I'm growing to love my hair even more, It's becoming less important in my life. It'll be long eventually, But I'll never appreciate if I don't love it for what it is. That happened last time and it just ended up with me being stressed out about it and chopping it back off because I felt like it wasn't good enough.

I don't know why I'm posting this, but I was thinking about this tonight and how happy I am about it.


Great post, I'm glad you shared. I too feel that my self acceptance as a whole has grown since learning to accept my hair. I used to straighten every single day. Shortly after joining LHC my bf was giving me a hard time about not "taking care" of my hair. I explained to him how the things i was doing now were "taking care" (pre-poo oiling and air drying and leaving it alone) and that the heat styling was ruining it. I told him I didn't plan to straighten my hair again unless it was for a wedding so he was gonna have to deal with my natural texture. Somewhere along the way i accepted it too. I like being able to take a step back and observing my hair in the wild.

It's had a trickle effect and I'm more ok going out without makeup now too. I still like to wear it when i feel like it but I don't feel I look hideous without it. I'm ok with what I see im the mirror and it truly started with accepting my hair "as is".

Thank you both for sharing :flowers:
It keeps me inspired when I start to doubt myself at times :o

reilly0167
April 26th, 2017, 12:51 PM
Back in my younger days, I hated my hair, it was always cut short to an Afro its curly and back then ( to me in my experience) was not considered pretty. I relaxed it, blow dried it you name it, I probably did. I was never taught how to take care of curly hair. Even been teased and bullied, so I lived with that stigma for years. In 1992, I had my first child and with hormones all over the place I was fussing with my hair, shoulder length at the time; I started to bawl like my newborn called my sister and she came over. We talked and I explained why im so upset. My sisters hair is much of a looser curl very pretty and I wished I had the same. Anywho, she showed ne how she does hers. Detangle with conditioner with wide tooth comb etc. and my hair was sooooo awesome!!!!! Been doing my hair the way she handles hers for years now. Bottom line, is that I accept my hair the way it is and its liberating. Do I like straight hair? Sure I do, but I don't chemically force it with relaxers and such and I only do it at cooler months where there little to no humidity otherwise POOF! teehee. Also added to my hair care is LHC, love it here. I learned so much here with buns, braids and updos, treatments and mist importantly acceptance. Had a bit of trouble with my hair, but we are back in track.
Sorry for my long post.

Rebeccalaurenxx
April 28th, 2017, 02:11 PM
accepting my hair was always really really hard.
but i think when you do its a sign of maturity and growth.
it wasnt until i accepted myself for who i was, that i accepted my hair for how it was.
i had an increase in self esteem which is also a very good thing too.

lithostoic
April 28th, 2017, 02:20 PM
Getting there. It helps that my hair is more like itself these days. Extreme thinness and bleach is being trimmed out.

Andthetalltrees
April 28th, 2017, 03:01 PM
I'm surprised, and happy that this thread has grown so much and has been a positive thing for everyone :).

Sarahlabyrinth
April 28th, 2017, 05:26 PM
Getting there. It helps that my hair is more like itself these days. Extreme thinness and bleach is being trimmed out.

And every day it keep growing it is improving itself for you :)

lithostoic
April 29th, 2017, 05:43 AM
And every day it keep growing it is improving itself for you :)

Of course <3 When one practices love and care, for anything or anyone, they are rewarded.

xoxophelia
April 29th, 2017, 06:49 AM
I feel you. I wish my ends stayed thicker longer but *sigh* genetics.

I would say, accept what you have but see if there are ways for you to boost how it looks that you are ok with. Personally, I am considering clip in extensions for when I was to wear my hair down (it is usually in a bun). My ends aren't terrible, but hey, you only live once :D