When 'standard advice' just isn't feasible

[TheLuckyLurker]

I'm once again trying to make peace with my curly hair. Accept it for what it is, learn to work with it, all that stuff. So I've been reading a lot, and watching a lot of videos. And there are some things nobody seems to be taking into account. I'll start with the one that bothers me most. I have to use medicated shampoo for my scalp. Have to. Over the years I've tried multiple times to transition off of it, but no dice. Epic fail every time. I've cut down to washing once a week, and that's just going to have to be good enough. An I know I'm not the only person in the world with scalp issues. But even the folks that aren't militant "no shampoo ever, all conditioner all the time, glop all the products onto dripping wet hair and repeat daily" fail to take that into account. Even though it could have a drastic affect on the outcome. I'm pretty sure using my usual shampoo, then the one they want, then the conditioner etc, would not help my situation.

That's the biggest problem I have. I have others as well: I can't afford to just keep buying products until one works, my hair takes forever and a day to dry despite being on the thin side of medium, they don't tell me how it might work for someone that doesn't have enough hair for several people on their head, and probably a lot of others I just haven't thought of yet.

And other than reserving the right to go back to straightening my hair at any time, I have no idea what to do.

What do you do when standard advice doesn't apply?

P.S. That turned into a way bigger b*&$h-fest than I meant it to; sorry about that.

[lithostoic]

No I get it, from the other side of the spectrum that says straight haired folks must use volumizing sulfate shampoo every 2 days. I would be bald and have the worst dandruff. No advice here, just another b*!@# lol.

[Obsidian]

I'm in the same boat, I can't use all the things that are recommended for curly hair. In fact, I can't use most of the stuff that is recommended due to my seborrheic dermatitis. I've excepted the fact that I will never have pretty, defined curls, my scalp just won't allow it. At this point, I just try to keep it hydrated best I can so its not a complete mess.

I don't have to use medicated shampoo every wash but I do need to use a good clarifying shampoo with sulfates every time and I can't stretch washing at all. Two days is tops before I start turning into a scabby, itchy mess.

My routine is basic, wash very well and use a hydrating condition that contains Bis Aminopropyl Dimethicone, its the only cones my scalp can tolerate. If I'm careful, I can use other cones in the form of leave ins or serums but they must stay off my scalp and I only apply to dry hair so it won't migrate to my skin.

Oils, honey, aloe, any other DIY treatments are a no go for me. They either do nothing for my hair or cause a flare, its not worth it to experiment anymore. I'm hoping that once my hair gets long, I'll be able to use more cones on the ends without worrying about it getting on my scalp.

[Reyesuela]

I'm using 2 medicated shampoos and minoxidil and other stuff.

Oh, and ALL my hair is growing back, and it's even growing more than an inch a month now.

Screw genetics. I want thick, long hair. I accept my texture. I accept the limitations of my new color. Screw hair thinning. My hair doesn't have to thin, and I've made the choice that it won't.

[Ophidian]

No advice on products/methods etc, just encouragement to trust your own experiences with your hair over what anyone tells you it should like. I totally get not wanting to spend a small fortune in the process of trying to find something that works for you. Some brands make travel sizes, which is nice. Then of course shampoos can be diluted, or conditioners mixed with other conditioners, or diluted, or enriched with oils/honey/aloe etc. Keeping a written log has helped me a lot at times when it feels like my hair wants one thing and my scalp wants another and I don't know what to do with it. It made it feel like an experiment or a puzzle to solve rather than a frustrating mystery. Often the biggest improvements have come from changing how I'm using something, rather than ditching it and starting from scratch (barring weird reactions, etc). I think hair "experts," YouTube or otherwise can be incredibly helpful for new ideas, but I think that what works for any given person is so variable that you gotta take what works and ignore what doesn't no matter what the standard advice may be. I hope you find some solutions that work for you.

[truepeacenik]

In my experience, when "standard" advice fails, you find LHC.

[pandabarrier]

I second keeping the written log.
No standard advice is set on stone, YMMV.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

I don't believe there is such thing as "standard" advice when it comes to products and I think its best to not think that way when trying to find the perfect product. No two people are the same and following the advice from youtube gurus, and even members here may get you hardly anywhere. Taking product advice from people here, is not what helped me gain length. What helped me, was treating my hair better, not coloring and bleaching, buying a tangle teezer and being more gentle and not using HEAT which makes the situations worse -- but that INCLUDES using the 'bad' sulphates, using medicated shampoo. And ee gad - CONES. Oh boy, I love cones now. Sparingly, so I do switch around but they are no longer evil.

Back when I first joined LHC cones were the enemy and now they are generally accepted here. Thus my point of; there is no such thing as standard advice when it comes to products, not even for curly hair as no two curls are the same. You have to take hair type, thickness, porosity, and many other things into account -- no two people are alike. People give product suggestions here to help people figure out what may work -- its then your job to look at the ingredients and know "my hair does not like that" or "i do not like using this" on your own accord. I found my hair did not respond to the CG method, I did not do well with co-washing, not that it hurt my hair but it did not help it reach its full potential. Long hair is NOT cheap - let me tell you - you will have to deal with many many products that are meh, products that are expensive but great, products that are CHEAP and great and everything in between. The growing process is NOT cheap, and experimenting to find the right products takes time and money, I am not going to lie to you. I am a full time college student and reserve money for things like food or gas for the car or god forbid credit card bills, so hair things come last on my list of things I need and I often find myself being told to purchase this or that here. I ask a question and instead of advice on what I could change in the routine itself or the order in which I use products or help analyzing what is not working and what in my products might be causing issues -- I am told to buy a new toy or a new conditioner or this or that. (although some people did help me figure out proteins needed to be cut back, so that was helpful) And every time I have to remind some, that I am BROKE AS A JOKE.

Point is, you need to experiment a little to figure out what your hair likes. That way after a little while, you know what ingredients it likes and what it does not, so that the experiment isn't forever. It does take time and money. What really helps is not using too many new things at once, so you can narrow down what is not working. It takes time and energy and sadly other users online cannot give you all the answers. Its a part of the journey we take by ourselves.

[pailin]

I think the issue is that standard advice should really only be taken as a starting point. You have to get to know your own hair and scalp. So if it doesn't work for you, then leave it and do whatever does work.
Wavied are supposed to try detangling with conditioner in the shower, and I've tried it. It's a disaster for me, so I quit.

[Aunty Miki]

I can't detangle wet hair or use a BBB. I find satin caps and cases and updos to be too uncomfortable to sleep on. I'm an odd duck that likes her plastic Revlon paddle brush (the kind with the dredded beads on the bristles) and cotton cases and free hair at night. See? All that flies in the face of the most preferred way to care for hair, but my milage varies too much to comply. I used to worry about it, but my hair's no worse for it. Like others said, ymmv. Hafta do your own thing.

[Reyesuela]

The old style paddle brushes had 2 part bristles that ate hair. The new ones don't.

[likelikepenny]

I know what you mean. I'm a hypercurly with oily scalp (something never talked about) and scalp problems. When I co wash, i only co wash the length and don't let it touch my scalp.

Also, look at the ingredients in some of the conditioners that work for you now and look for products with similar ingredients. Maybe that could help?

[Simsy]

I'm once again trying to make peace with my curly hair. Accept it for what it is, learn to work with it, all that stuff. So I've been reading a lot, and watching a lot of videos. And there are some things nobody seems to be taking into account. I'll start with the one that bothers me most. I have to use medicated shampoo for my scalp. Have to. Over the years I've tried multiple times to transition off of it, but no dice. Epic fail every time. I've cut down to washing once a week, and that's just going to have to be good enough. An I know I'm not the only person in the world with scalp issues. But even the folks that aren't militant "no shampoo ever, all conditioner all the time, glop all the products onto dripping wet hair and repeat daily" fail to take that into account. Even though it could have a drastic affect on the outcome. I'm pretty sure using my usual shampoo, then the one they want, then the conditioner etc, would not help my situation.

That's the biggest problem I have. I have others as well: I can't afford to just keep buying products until one works, my hair takes forever and a day to dry despite being on the thin side of medium, they don't tell me how it might work for someone that doesn't have enough hair for several people on their head, and probably a lot of others I just haven't thought of yet.

And other than reserving the right to go back to straightening my hair at any time, I have no idea what to do.

What do you do when standard advice doesn't apply?

P.S. That turned into a way bigger b*&$h-fest than I meant it to; sorry about that.

I take a deep breath and simplify. My curls are stubborn, temperamental and annoyingly adverse to nearly all curly advice.

Comb in the shower...yeah, no. I like my hair attached, and I shed like crazy in the shower.
Conditioner only...sometimes. I have found I don't always need the cleanse, but I usually do and that's ok.
Refresh with water...yeah, no. My hair doesn't like getting wet without a wash to follow. What this means for my routine, I wash once a week and I don't get it wet in between. I'm happy, the mop is happy, everyone wins.
Leave-ins :)...not quite. Oil and a watered down conditioner/oil mix works well enough. The mop disapproves of gels, serums, most conditioners and anything really cheap.
Finger detangle only...my hair dreads, as in dreadlocks. There is no other way to describe the long ringlet knots and tangles that can and will form if I given them an inch, or a day. So I have to brush.
Products on dripping wet hair...no...in fact, hell no. Kinda damp, sure; if I have detangled and am not planning on fiddling with it. Otherwise, just no.

Sometimes, it pays to just take the routine back what you know works and use the cheap fixes first. My hair doesn't like getting wet, so I don't get it wet. It will get greasy, tangled and unreasonable if left loose or ponied. So I keep it braided or burned; or I leave it loose, knowing I will have to wash it that night. I know it needs brushing as well as finger detangling, so I keep it braided where it won't tangle; and I make time to pull the braids, brush and rebraid them at some point during the week between wash days. It hates standard leave-ins with a passion, so I don't use them. My products are not cheap, but I can usually get them on special, and I don't use the really expensive ones fast enough to be a problem.

If you have to use a certain shampoo, and you know how to make that shampoo work for you; use it. If you have a wash routine that works, use it. If it's not broken, don't try and fix it. Product recommendations usually come about as suggestions because people think they might work. Only you really know your hair. Only you can really decide what goes near your head.

[Simsy]

I know what you mean. I'm a hypercurly with oily scalp (something never talked about) and scalp problems. When I co wash, i only co wash the length and don't let it touch my scalp.

Also, look at the ingredients in some of the conditioners that work for you now and look for products with similar ingredients. Maybe that could help?

Purely as an anecdote, I was a curly grease ball until I started oiling my hair. The oil production dropped right off. I don't know why, but it seems to work.

[lapushka]

I have seborrheic dermatitis and wavy hair. I have to use sulfate based shampoos in between to keep it at bay, now those *can* be drying. So I use the WCC method; I double condition after shampooing, often paired with an oil rinse and the LOC method. And it works. My waves turn out *fine*!

The links are all in my signature, should you be interested! :)

[shiresnana]

An alternative thought relating to my own path. I used to *have* to use medicated shampoo also. My scalp was a mess and literally stunk without the medicated shampoo. Until I discovered I had allergies, food and contact allergies. I found that the medicated shampoo was a bandaide over my actual problem. It was a process for me to figure out what was right. What I found is that I am allergic to many chemicals in hair products. I was the one causing my scalp to be a mess.
When I first tried the CG method and went no poo, I tried baking soda and other alternative ways to wash. It took about a month of no chemical products for my scalp to begin to heal. It wasn't what I was using, but rather what I wasn't using on my hair/scalp. (I was so shocked to realize that I had the CURE for my scalp problems all along.)
I used only natural alternative products for a time. Aloe for hair gel, for instance. Just washing with water. Using herb rinses.
Then I tried Jessicurl products. I have had no issue with those. (But I will say, my scalp was healed by the time I got brave enough to try a manufactured product)
I used to be a person who rolled my eyes at those whose said they were allergic to so many things.... karma is a witch! Not saying this is your issue, however, it might be something to consider. Allergies don't always show as a fast red rash or swelling of your windpipe. Sometimes they present in other ways.
By the way, going on 5 years now and I have a very healthy scalp and skin.

[lithostoic]

Finger detangling is a big no for me too! Takes me a good 10 minutes before I think there's no knots, then I go to brush it and find many more. My hair is straight but it locks up if I'm not persistent with my detangling. I actually had locks for two years because one day I had a hair meltdown and threw my brush in the trash lmao! I need a good solid brush for detangling.

[Hairkay]

I'd say it's worth everyone getting to know their own head of hair and their own scalps then working with what they've got. I don't use shampoos and conditioners due to allergies. There was one medicated concoction that just dried my hair and scalp up. It wasn't helping so eventually I gave that up. My hair seems to do better with water rinses and some DIY hair masks. If I were to take on the advice I've seen for tight curls I'd have my head smothered in layers of products with my scalp, face, neck, shoulders and hands braking out in a terrible rash. I don't need layers of leave-in stuff. Just a tiny bit of oil on damp hair ends is enough. Less is more for me. Hair care for me is not expensive at all. It's more to do with routine.

[Kake]

There's such a wide range of curly hair; your 3b m/c and my 2c f/m are probably not comparable at all. So different routines and products will probably be better for us, even without taking scalp issues into account. I've finally learnt to look at hair type when I read posts, particularly the C(oarse)or F info.

[Aunty Miki]

I forgot to add that I can't use combs because they are too stiff and pull when I find a tangle. My brush is a softer pull and when pulled through gently, the knots come out without too much hair loss. I do that on dry hair only with a little spray on oil.

[meteor]

Absolutely! No matter how solid any potential advice may be, you do you! :)
Hair can thrive on many, many different routines, or on no set routine at all.

Some pretty common advice that I don't follow:

- Varying positioning of buns - instead, I just find my sweet spot and stick with it, as long as it's the most comfortable position.

- Varying buns - instead, I just stick with the lowest manipulation, simplest, least tangle-inducing updo I can find that works best for my current length (at the moment, it's Braided L-Infinity) and wear it 24/7 until I outgrow it or it feels uncomfortable for some reason.

- Deep treatments on wet hair - I hate keeping hair wet for long and I hate the drips, and I don't see much point in them.

- Oiling regularly - too tiresome for me and can attract lint/dust, so I only oil when the hair feels dry-ish.

- Detangling in the shower - my hair is like a heavy solid wall of wet hair, I can't really detangle it wet in a meaningful way, so I don't even try.

- Finger-combing - I can undo knots/matts with fingers, but I just can't properly detangle everything with fingers only, so I don't even try.

- BBB and other brushes - bad experiences all along, they don't get through thickness, but frizz up hair, I use WT combs instead.

- S&D - I don't like the potential for messing up the hemline, don't have split ends anyway and don't want to obsess checking every strand regularly.

- Preference for "natural" products - I've seen no evidence for them being better, no clarity on definitions either, but lots of "greenwashing" in the industry
- etc, etc...

[Chromis]

I do not think there is a particular LHC standard for advice. There are some common choose-you-own-adventure guidelines for various methods/hairtypes, but no one One TRUE Hair Path.

[Reyesuela]

I forgot to add that I can't use combs because they are too stiff and pull when I find a tangle. My brush is a softer pull and when pulled through gently, the knots come out without too much hair loss. I do that on dry hair only with a little spray on oil.

I wish they had flexible SEAMLESS combs.

[Frankenstein]

I can definitely relate. All the advice about using a bunch of oils, cones, conditioners, products etc doesn't really work for me. Less is more for my hair.

[Andthetalltrees]

I don't feel like I fit in here half the time. I use sulfates and cones, I don't do oiling half the time, I don't even condition every wash because my hair builds up like nothing(Even without cones). My hair definitely has waves but I don't care enough to put the effort in to encourage them so I usually just brush it out when it's wet and treat it like straight hair. I sometimes use honey but I don't try to be natural haha. But if it works, It works I guess. There is no one way. I use to wear my hair down all the time, though that has changed recently

[TheLuckyLurker]

Well, I'm sorry so many folks are having problems, but at the same time I'm glad I'm not the only one.

I just feel like a freak of nature sometimes, especially when so much of the advice I find is geared towards people with even curlier hair than mine! Even when I use search terms that specify "type 3b hair" most of it is either 4a and up, or doesn't specify. Frustrating.

[Ophidian]

I think that finding a way to take care of your hair that fits you as a person and your lifestyle is important too. Some people have a lot more tolerance for fiddly routines than others. We're all our own special kinds of 'freaks of nature.' The more I can reframe my hair problems as a puzzle that I get to solve, the happier I am. I like fiddly stuff, and keeping records, and finding unexpected solutions. I accept that this is weird by many standards and not everyone can or should share my enthusiasm in this respect. I also don't have any issues that cause me discomfort or affect my health (hair or otherwise) in the long run, so I don't mean to trivialize how frustrating it can be to have ongoing issues with no solution in sight. If it's a matter of trying to figure out how to bring out the best in your particular head of hair without making your scalp angry, start with what you know works and then build on to that.

If you can try one thing (not necessarily a new product--maybe just a new way of using what you already have) at a time, and keep some record of what you have tried and what the results were, then you can weed out things that aren't going to get you anywhere (no matter what anyone else says) and find patterns over time. Maybe your hair is weird with protein. Maybe it loves it. Maybe it likes cones, maybe not. I'm just throwing stuff out--my point is just that if there is a method to the madness, you may find that this lessens the frustration of trying a ton of new things and feeling like nothing is working.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Dude, your not a freak! Gaha. Hair constantly changes. Who knows -- your hair might change in 10 years and you'll suddenly wonder "where did this texture come from?!" Hair... cant live with it cant live without it. :cool:

[OwMyHair]

I just had to start ignoring people's hair advice. Basically, most of the damage and messed up bits of hair I have are from listening to other people, including some supposed experts.

When I first started my long hair journey I went kinda crazy trying to find "THE PRODUCT", or THE styling tool, or THE routine - none of it really worked that well. Now, I wash it when it's dirty (for varying definitions of dirty...I just washed today after about 2 months of just not doing anything to it, except playing with it when idle...there were no joke small twigs in the bottom of the shower...I've been playing in the woods lately :p), I pull out the tangles if they make themselves known, and otherwise I try to leave it alone. I don't style it or use combs or brushes, I don't apply leave-in or spray-on or anything else. If it needs to be super sparkly clean, I soak it in the bathtub (I like lavender essential oil and celtic sea salt in my baths), then shower wash it with conditioner once or twice. I finger-comb if it needs to look well-kempt, claw clip if it needs to stay out of my face for a minute. And otherwise, just let it go!

And yet, for all the neglect/laziness? My hair has never been better, and I've never been happier with it.

One day I was so stressed out that I don't think I even hardly looked in the mirror before I left the house, much less did any sort of concerted grooming, and this girl complimented me - "Your hair is so gorgeous, every time you walk by I just want to touch it!" I actually had to go to the bathroom to check my hair out in the mirror, cause I had zero F's to give about my appearance that morning and had no idea what it looked like.

All that said? If I ever have to start putting it up for more than 5 minutes at a time I may have a problem...or when it gets much past APL. Hopefully I can find some sage advice around here though, if I ever start running into trouble :o