''We can see your scalp''

[CreatureBailey]

Here is a rant because I'm an insecure vulnerable hair grower who needs to be consoled (seriously tho)

I dunno how many times I've been told

- We can see your scalp
- You have a huge seperation/crack
- Your hair is sparse
- You have no hair
- You have many empty spots everywhere

Great. You know? I'm having this huge hair growing hobby. It's prob one of the only things I even care about in this life seriously. I do routines. I do masks. Sleep with masks. I pay or stuff for my hair. I'm really into it. I grow my hair.

Hey

My hair

Is prob longer than most people you know (Me Talking to Non Hair-Growers)

Do I get a ''I take you seriously for your work''? ''Congratulations you are doing great''? ''Your hair is pretty you are doing great'' ''I recognize your hobby and work I do recognize it''

Sometimes I kinda do kinda yeah.

But when someone looks at me and says stuff like I mentioned above

yes my hair is like that

I'm cursed okay I am aware and I'm insecure and sad ok

I'm a huge joke you know what maybe I shouldn't be in this lifestyle maybe I should give up and sit in a corner and sulk for the rest of my life until I become a sulking statue and spend the rest of eternity sulking until the sun makes the earth boil down and the world ends.


Maybe I should just do that instead of being in the hair growing lifestyle

After all My hair is nothing special it keeps getting insulted

Yes we see my seperation easily

I however have ii type hair so I dunno why its like that but don't worry I know

I know okay

I mean with my hobby and my hardwork I should get recognition and compliments instead of these remarks what the heck

Do you know how insulting that is to be a hair grower and people just say *&(*?(* about your hair

I don't entirely do this just for people's recognition

But still it cuts

It freaking *()*?)(*(%& cuts

[MoonRabbit]

If growing your hair makes you happy then that's all that matters. Some people can be mean, intentionally or unintentionally, I can't understand those types of people. Everyone will have something they are insecure about. I get insecure about my hair cleavage, a boy once made fun of me about it and I was so upset. That was years ago and looking back now I just laugh because he was a jerk to everyone. I still have thoughts like "I wish my hair was thicker" " I wish I didn't have this weird hair crack after a few days of stretching" but then I think about how lucky I am to have any hair at all. It's the way My hair is.

You're doing something you love and that makes you happy, you're not a joke. You're evolving into the person You want to be and that makes you far superior than someone who is just being rude to be rude.

[spirals]

I agree with all MoonRabbit said. At some point it's better to stop caring what others think. Too bad you can't control their rudeness, though.

[littlestarface]

I know how you feel, in real life I get mean comments about my hair all the time, no one ever compliments it unless its a little girl like my nieces and ya it makes me sad.

[spirals]

^ Are they blind???? It's beautiful.

[Synester]

My hair has always been barely ii thickness naturally. After not properly maintaining it and damaging it with dye and bleach and unproper technique for dying/bleaching my hair broke and broke and broke and it was so bad. In 2014 I was diagnosed with androgenic alopecia and I lost the majority of all my hair at the crown of my head. So my already thin hair was balding looking. my extreme pale skin didnt help with showing my snow white scalp against my jet black hair. Trimming the damage frequently as it growths healthy, stopping dyes and bleaching. and oiling my hair with daily vitamins has made my hair bounce back so much. Ive gained length and strength and life back to my hair. the crown of my head is slowly growing back to normal with proper care I hope to see its fullest potential.

I know it can feel discouraging Bailey, that "why does my hair have to be this way" But you can always try and change it around. its very easy. and it wasnt fast for me, it took almost 2 years to see any breakthrough. I wanted to give up so many times. Also poor diet can lead to more fragile/thin hair. Maybe you are deficient in a certain vitamin you are unaware of. OR that u have it but your body doesnt metabolize it correctly and you need more than you think.

just ask yourself personally. Do I eat optimally? Do I heat damage or chemically damage my hair? Do I moisturize my scalp and follicles properly? Do you trim/cut your dry crispy DEAD damaged ends when needed? you have to look at the overview of you hair. And the scary question. "Is something medically wrong" like it was in my case. Once I got blood work on the problem at hand. I was able to tackle it at the source and save my hair. You got this girl <3 I believe in you. I have been there.

[pailin]

Sometimes people are just mean, and they will pick anything to use to be mean to you. Especially something you care about. You're making the most of what God gave you, which is all anyone can do. And probably more than they're doing.

[Arctic]

Yes it's rude for anyone comment like that. If you haven't already, maybe have a few comeback lines in your pockets that let no doubts that you are not taking their crap.

That being said, as someone who also has hair on the thinner side, the way I style my hair can make a big difference, whether my hair is down or up. I can not for example even imagine putting my hair up and not looking with mirrors how it looks from all angles, because I get scalp cleavage easily, and I'd rather not have any. Having clean hair and using brush when putting it up helps me (not saying you don't wash or brush enough! Just my own experiences). And it all starts when my hair is wet from being washed. I know I have cowlicks and I can affect how they will dry into, what shape/direction they'll take with some easy tricks, and that makes me less likely to have cowlick induced scalp cleavage. Maybe you could try new things for putting your hair up and/ or drying techniques if you haven't already. Not everyone has the hairtype that can be thrown in a pony/bun/whatever in a second and look flawless. Or that can be wash&go. Some heads of hair need a bit more to look their best, maybe yours is one of them and you haven't yet found your routine.

In any case, don't let the nay sayers affect your style choices. You enjoy your hair and growing it, so that's your thing. Keep on enjoying it and let it be your secret source of happiness. :) And you can always come here to meet likeminded people.

[Kake]

I found more frequent washing to be the best way to hide my gaps and cleavage. Scalp washing is an option.

[_fred_]

CreatureBailey, I'm sorry people are like that, that's so rude and thoughtless. It's so hard to stop caring what others think, it's not really something you can control, but I hope it'll come for you. These people aren't worth your time or energy.

[*Seraphina*]

People talk, they always do. Some people don't like my long hair, that's there problem. I don't like it short and it's my hair so..
One specific woman says I should cut it short all the time. Funny thing is that she is growing her hair. Maybe jealousy?


@littlestarface Whuuuut? :rolleyes: What kind of mean things can they say to you about your hair?

[lithostoic]

I don't get hair compliments IRL. Just people saying that it's thin.

[samanthaa]

I feel this so hard. My hair is past hip length at this point and I don't think I've gotten a single compliment, neither about length nor condition. All because my hair is thin, and thin hair is hardly ever recognized as beautiful. Meanwhile I have two friends who've had waist-length hair, one of whom is a natural blonde nonetheless, who were showered with compliments all the time, despite the fact that they were brutal to their hair (they've since chopped).

It sucks. You just gotta keep going, knowing that it makes you happy.

[vpatt]

Some of us have thinner hair and some have diarrhea of the mouth. I would rather not treat people that way and hurt their feelings. I agree with Arctic, think of a few good comebacks. Not mean and not delivered in a mean way, just enough to let them realize how rude they've been. Some people really are clueless about such things.

The other thing I thought of is how I used to be...one person could say one thing to make me feel bad and I felt like it was many people doing it. You may not be that way. I'm older and more crusty now, lol. I try to be very kind to others but I also try to ignore unfortunate things that others say....most of the time that works for me.

[pili]

Know that you are doing this for you. You do not need anyone else's approval for what you do with your body. I have thick hair, but was actually bullied for it in grade school ("medusa", gum in my hair). Nobody has the right to criticize another person and make them feel bad about who they are. I vote you hit them back with a dose of their own medicine. After all, if they are dishing it out, then that makes them fair game.

[lapushka]

I found more frequent washing to be the best way to hide my gaps and cleavage. Scalp washing is an option.

Yes I wanted to touch on that. The longer my mom goes without washing (and she can go a month), but the more she gets "cleavage" - it just happens. So maybe if that is why, you can scalp wash. She has i hair (still verges on i/ii), but basically it's i. So yeah, it can be worse!

In any case, don't let it bother you too much. No reason to get overworked about something as "simple" as hair - it's just not worth it.

[bparnell75]

If I wore my hair down I would probably get the same thing. So I always wear it up, unless I get a bun fail, then I get, oh your hair is really long with an admiring tone of voice. I try to make nice buns and use pretty toys to get recognition for my hobby. Do not forget the Toppik from Sallys or the Cabooki you can get on line to cover the scalp cleavage. These are fantastic products that really do what they advertise. I wear some when ever I go out with a hairdo that requires a part. I often wear it in my front hair line as well. I do not however do french braids because it would show scalp on every twist.

do not know your hair length but there are nice up dos for every length. Ebay has lots of hair toys that are sparkly and under $10.

Ps; short thin hair is much than long thin hair because it can't be camouflaged. Worse comes to worse consider hair extensions. I have even worn these for a bigger bun. Parandi braides make hair look thicker too.

[bparnell75]

I want to know how one scalp washes. I used to wash bangs when I wore them years ago. but how would one wash just the scalp without getting all the hair wet?

[meteor]

I want to know how one scalp washes. I used to wash bangs when I wore them years ago. but how would one wash just the scalp without getting all the hair wet?

You can do it with a bun covered in plastic bag/shower cap: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VBOVM-dHlc
You can do it with a braid held by hand above head or held by bra-strap over a sink/tub: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwREj8Kadlo
You can do it using PonyDry: http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=136047
etc, etc...
Some tips here: http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=119848

[Chromis]

Since you are venting, I won't flood you with suggestions on preventing scalp showage, but shall instead off some virtual tea and cookies and a couple of thoughts.

The first thing am thinking here is to consider the source. Some people make comments are are well meaning about it. Still hurts, ouch! Other people though...they make comments just to sting and they tend to be real good at spotting what is the most hurtful. If it wasn't your hair, it would be something else. If this describes any friends of yours, I would suggest demoting them to acquaintances or making distant family a little more distant. This is harder for family your might live with or for co-irkers (I mean workers, co-workers...that irk!) In that case, deny them the reward. If you like to snark, you can snark back, otherwise, making it so that you are the world's most boring target. If you give them no reaction, they don't have anything to feed on. Go ahead and be rude, keep doing what you were doing, give a mono-syllabic grunt and turn your back on them, pick up your phone and start fiddling with it, become intensely interested in that spreadsheet/scrubbing that counter/insert menial job task here.

[truepeacenik]

First, you aren't here to decorate their world.

Secondly, people are jerks. Ignore them.

But the flip side of that is they aren't here to cheer you on.
That's why we make friends of those who do so of their own volition.
No one has to like long hair. Or care how much effort we may (or may not) put into it.

They should have a civil tongue in their heads, however.

Do you and let them be.

[Babyfine]

Scalp washes only are easier when one has very long hair(Mine is BSL) But meteor has some good tips.
I agree long thin hair is better than short thin hair at least for me as I can do more with it. ( I love being able to put it up on bad hair days, couldn't do that when it was short)Plus I still had scalp cleavage-Updos can hid it properly arranged for me.
I don't wear French braids, either, as they make me look bald(LOL)! Half ups help camouflage my scalp cleavage fairly well. That's how I usually wear my hair when it's "down". I've become an expert at arranging my hair. Frequent washes with mild shampoos help.
As Lapushka says I have to wash every other day, I try to stretch to three days and I can see the scalp cleavage in the back as my hair separates, past that time. Plus my scalp needs it.
To the OP I'm sorry people are so rude. Maybe that's one good thing about being my age (60) no one says anything anymore to me. What is it with people?? I was raised not to comment on people's appearance. I taught my sons that, as well.
I used to get more negative comments when I was young-about a variety of things including how I wore my hair(and my skin as I struggled with acne)
I grow my hair now for me, and my husband likes it and doesn't want me to cut it.

Edited to add: For me I also do gentle brushing with a BBB that helps on the days I do wear my hair down, that and frequent washing(every 2-3 days) I'll bet your hair is very nice- don't listen to people.

[truepeacenik]

I want to know how one scalp washes. I used to wash bangs when I wore them years ago. but how would one wash just the scalp without getting all the hair wet?


You can do it with a bun covered in plastic bag/shower cap: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VBOVM-dHlc
You can do it with a braid held by hand above head or held by bra-strap over a sink/tub: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwREj8Kadlo
You can do it using PonyDry: http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=136047
etc, etc...
Some tips here: http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=119848

Or you just try to keep the length less wet.
I think of scalp washes as only on the scalp, and length washes as allowing suds to go down the length.
I use the "awkwardly juggle braid between hands" method.

[Chant]

^ All good advice from Chromis. If you can cut the people who are making these comments out of your life or minimize the contact you have with them, it's all the better. If it's a genuinely caring friend saying any of it, telling them that it's hurtful ought to put a stop to it. For the rest, being a boring target often works wonders. Or if you're not averse to confrontation, I have found one of the best ways to put a stop to those kinds of comments is to say point blank and fairly deadpan, "Why did you say that to me just now?" Regardless of the answer, follow with, "I'm not interested in negative comments about my appearance. This topic is off the table." It makes any future comments an act of blatant aggression that most people don't have the guts to do, and it gives you every reason to censure them sharply if they do. Most people don't do well with being put on the spot in having to justify what they said, and in my experience it only takes one confrontation like that for them to back off from that sort of behavior. It doesn't give them any drama or satisfaction to have it turned back on them and makes them look like a-holes without a single insult.

I think it's awesome you're growing your hair and taking care of it. It's not an easy thing to do, neither the patience involved nor the care to try to ensure it's as healthy as it can be. I'm sorry you have a lot of insensitive people around you and hope you're in a position where you can start setting some boundaries with the worst offenders.

[CreatureBailey]

^_^ Thanks guys you all really make me feel better

I feel less alone

Although one thing

People that tell me these comments don't necessarily try to be rude

My friend who told me i have a big scalp cleavage yesterday didn't meant that as an insult

They were actually......impressed

They didn't say that to be rude or mean they said that cause they noticed it they didn't mean no harm

[embee]

It is true, not everyone is trying to be rude or hateful.

Do remember one can have scalp cleavage with short hair... I see it often. Frequently it looks like the person did not brush or comb their hair before going out in public. Especially "the back hair"... maybe they combed the front but forgot the back. ;) Also going to bed with wet hair can exacerbate this problem if the hair dries in a crooked way. Happens with women and men.

[Chromis]

Oooh, yeah tis harder when they mean well!

Moar cookies! Huh, no cd drive...where to put the cookie for best transmission now?!

I do sympathize. I don't get the comments, but I don't know how many times I have gone to take a picture of my updo only to discover massive scalp cleavage. My hair is so dark and my scalp is so blinding white too.

[*Wednesday*]

People that talk like that have taken a huge withdrawal from you. Be around people that leave a deposit in your life.
Better to walk alone and hold out for .50 cents then be in the negative.

Keep your chin up.

[spirals]

I want to add that some people are just plain rude. The same as would complain about your scalp cleavage would be the kids that used to call me mop head. Frankly, they're not very creative if they just glom onto the most obvious thing they think to insult. It's like calling a woman ugly or fat; it's a very handy, non-imaginitive insult. Anyway, I find a good comeback is to take a criticism as a compliment. If it doesn't make them see their rudeness it will at least make them leave you alone because they can't figure out the impetus behind it. If I did have thin hair and someone said "You don't have a lot of hair" I could simply smile and say, "Thank you. It's certainly easy to deal with." Turn it into a positive. Of course in the moment it's hard to come up with a response like that.

[Aredhel]

Jeez I really do hate when people impose their unsolicited opinions about my hair. Nobody asked! :angry: Fortunately nobody has ever commented on my thickness or showing scalp, because those are the few things I'm actually really insecure about. I'm so sorry people felt it was necessary to say those things to you. :( Like you, my hair isn't particularly thin or anything (I'm right in the middle of the ii range), but somehow my scalp has always been quite visible in some areas...

Try not to let people get to you though. I realised that whenever certain people would make snarky remarks about my long hair (ex., "eww doesn't it get in your butt crack when you're using the toilet??") they had mentioned or mention sometime after that they wish they had long hair. So I usually just chalk up mean remarks to jealousy. It takes a lot of discipline to grow hair this long and we should be damn proud of it! :)

[sapphire-o]

I think I have a natural scalp cleavage, too even though my hair isn't thin. It always falls to the left side but not too far from the center. It looks like I tried to center part but missed. Eventually I started parting my hair to very left or very right side while it's wet. Now nobody can see the natural part. Although sometimes I feel like it looks like Donald Trump's hair. :D

[Garnetgem]

Some people let their mouths go without making sure their brain is in gear that simple..but yes it hurts i know that..

when i started growing mine it was very layered so i had a scalp cleavage and all others could say that i had inherited my dads bald patch and things like i had a wide parting..all this stung as i was making a huge effort to grow it and nobody said anything about that part,

but as time went on i grew a thick skin to the words,people are fast to criticize and point out bad points before they say anything positive,try to ignore it and focus on growing your hair for how you like it if they don't like then they can simply look the other way..

and a lot of the time its not as bad as others say its just some pick out these things..if they have a problem with your hair then that's their problem!

[spidermom]

Good grief but that's mean! I wouldn't be too sure that there isn't an undercurrent of malice. A lot of people make themselves feel better by putting someone else down, then they act like you're the one with a problem if you get your feelings hurt.

There's usually a way to overcome "scalp cleavage"; there are some good suggestions here. My hair is on the thicker side of normal, and there are times when I think it looks good from the front, then I turn my back to the bathroom mirror to check the back of my head with a hand-held mirror, and there's a part going down the back. So I adjust the style.

[ArienEllariel]

I haven't read the entire thread but I just came by to encourage you to continue doing what makes you happy. My hair has been frustrating and I've been dealing with breakage for at least 7 years at this point and I'm back to roughly bsl. I haven't given up on my long hair dreams, please don't give up on yours. <3

[- Lizzy -]

Whip your hair in there face (Well at least in your mind :bigtongue:) Because your hair is unique and beautiful and I don't think you asked for their opinion, now did you? Growing out hair is fun; it gives us all something to take care of, to look forward to, and to manage. And those people who make comments to you whether or not they meant to be rude probably have no idea how hard you work to maintain your beautiful locks of wonder. So keep doing what you like with your hair :afro:

[pamrlyn]

some people just don't know when to keep their mouths shut (bless their hearts). I think I would show dramatic shock that anyone would make such a remark. as in -Wow! I cannot believe you just said that. back away, turn away & do not look back.

My parting is looking better now, but have used eyeshadow (close to hair color) to cut the glare off of scalp cleavage / bald spots. just dab a little bit on there with a small brush (eyeshadow brush)

{{{hugs}}}

[littlestarface]

^ Are they blind???? It's beautiful.
Thanks so much sweet! :blossom:

People talk, they always do. Some people don't like my long hair, that's there problem. I don't like it short and it's my hair so..
One specific woman says I should cut it short all the time. Funny thing is that she is growing her hair. Maybe jealousy?


@littlestarface Whuuuut? :rolleyes: What kind of mean things can they say to you about your hair?

Tons all my life, my family always talks trash about my hair no one ever complimented me until this place. I got 1 compliment from my boyfriend and he said "oh its so soft" that was 8 years ago LOOL!

They say... it's annoying, it gets everywhere,its too thin at the bottom, you should cut it, its too fragile you shouldn't have long hair, too thin,etc. blhblhblaaah. When my mom braids it she says "your hair is too thin its giving my fingers arthritis cuz its literally too thin at the bottom goes into nothing". When her cat was chewing my hair :rolleyes: it tore a piece off and I say OMG look what the cat did! She said "oh my gosh your hair is that weak, you need to cut it and take vitamins" :rolleyes: seriously? ugh.

I mean I know my hair aint all that I just hate comments about me in general cuz the only time I get told anything its just complaining about me :rolleyes:

[spirals]

^ Well, it *looks* really thick and amazing. I think people are just envious. Otherwise, like I said, they're blind or something.

[*Seraphina*]

I agree with Sprials! It is sad to read that they talk to you like that :(

[Siri]

People need to mind their own business and if they can't do that ... keep their mouth shut! :shake: