The patience game

[Fia]

Growing your hair long, at least if your goal is to see how long it will go is a game of patience and quite frankly, being boring. It's about:


Leaving your hair be as much as possible as all type of handling increases damage done to the hair
Keeping hair up and out of harm's way
Minimizing what you do to your hair
Reducing washes to the most stretched out schedule that will still keep your hair and scalp happy
Using hair friendly tools and avoiding hair damaging practices
Learning to scalp wash to let the more fragile length rest
Having patience and realizing that you're in it for the long run, not letting temporary whims get the better of you
Embracing your natural colour and texture and realizing that what God gave you is where your hair will be at its happiest and healthiest


And last, but certainly not least:


Overcoming the inner (or outer) voice saying 'But why are you growing your hair if you can never show it off' (The answer to that question must be found inside - my own anwer is - 'I grow it for myself, not for others, I'm quite content that all they ever get to see is an updo, or an outline under a scarf; I have no need for external appreciation that I'm a longhair, the only appreciation needed is my own internal and from those close to me')


In short, growing hair long is about daring to be boring and not conforming to what society's standards say about hair and what is expected of it in terms of length, visibility, colour, texture. It's replacing the need for external appreciation with your own internal voice saying that it's enough that you grow it for yourself. That inner voice must always be louder and more important than whatever is coming from external sources. It is that voice that will enable you to push through the periods of non-growth, updos not working and all the other obstacles you'll find on the way towards longer lengths. Because if that inner voice is not strong enough it will succumb to the outer voices that mirror all of society's expectations on what hair should be and look like. And if you let them take over you'll over and over find yourseld dyeing, cutting, shaping, heatstyling and all of that which is non-compatible with a healthy long hair.

Long hair is less about the actual length of the hair, and more about the mind-set and attitude you develop towards growing your hair long. And without that inner attitude in place it will be very, very hard to get any actual, real results from the outer process of hairgrowth.

[- Lizzy -]

TRUE to all of these. But the one thing I have always wondered is I know that if you leave your hair down it is more prone to damage, but I always thought that keeping it up all the time damaged it to. I don't use hair sticks (I know most ppl do on here but sorry I am just not that "Invested" yet and I like hair ties) which I know don't cause as much damage but I mean like the style of having it up.
I have a bunch of broken little hairs from where I had my hair up in a pony tail every day.
Any thoughts?

[likelikepenny]

Your recent posts have been so encouraging, thank you Fia.

[likelikepenny]

TRUE to all of these. But the one thing I have always wondered is I know that if you leave your hair down it is more prone to damage, but I always thought that keeping it up all the time damaged it to. I don't use hair sticks (I know most ppl do on here but sorry I am just not that "Invested" yet and I like hair ties) which I know don't cause as much damage but I mean like the style of having it up.
I have a bunch of broken little hairs from where I had my hair up in a pony tail every day.
Any thoughts?

It's because of the tool you are using. When you use a ponytail holder, the friction between your hair and the band can cause breakage, also the material can cause dryness.

Most people here use hair sticks because it glides into your hair and it's much less friction overall.

[spidermom]

For about 15 years I was content to have my hair as my own little secret - up and hidden during the day, mine to release and comb out at night.

[Alissalocks]

I see your point, and the necessity of avoiding damage, but I don't care about society when I decide to play with my hair. It's about me, expressing myself. I like to play with my hair color, and have for over 30 years, it's not just about going gray and society... it's because there is something powerful about changing your appearance and looking in the mirror to see something different. And knowing that difference came from your own decision to effect a change.

I love and baby my hair, but I still dye it blue and purple and color it black with indigo (where I used to dye it pink and purple, w henna auburn hair). Because I'm weird and like to express that aspect. Not because society expects me to hide my gray.

I could give a rat's %}% about what society thinks of my hair, but boring? That I cannot be. :p

[Tosca]

About the 'no-one will see it' thing, I guess it's a bit like wearing fancy underwear. No-one is going to see it, except for maybe your spouse/paramour but YOU know you have nice undies on, and that's a nice feeling. I have classic length hair, but my buns are rather small, especially since a lot of people these days use donuts or other hairpieces. I like to think of it as stealth or ninja hair. It's kind of fun.

[lapushka]

I think personally that coloring hair has nothing to do with this - at all; that is a personal choice. Not everyone wants to go gray, and that is perfectly *fine* too.

[SheWhoCariesSun]

I think it is possible to damage your hair just as much with constant updo's that are too tight. THere are times when I will want to go into town with my hair down and times I will slap it on top of my head. 90% of the time it's going to be on top of my head but I have decided to get VERY creative with braids and updos and not just rely on "ye old faithful clippie."

My biggest tempation is to get a whim and want to chop it off to give myself more style. I've struggled with that my entire life. I finally, FINALLY think I have the maturity to stick to this decision and not let it bother me. I am going to invest my time in creative ways to wear it up, braided, etc.

[draysmir]

I found this very encouraging, thank you! :) I struggle with keeping my hair up as much as I should be doing given my hair's type and state currently. I'm beginning to appreciate the fact long hair also looks beautiful in intricate updos as well as down, but I have yet to really dive into the type of protective styling I should be doing. I have my hair up about 4-5 days out of the week, and I wash once a week, but half the time it's just a ponytail or something (so I can still feel like my hair is a decent length), which doesn't protect my ends at all. I bought my first hair stick recently though, so I'm hoping once it ships I'll be doing more protective updos :)

[likelikepenny]

I found this very encouraging, thank you! :) I struggle with keeping my hair up as much as I should be doing given my hair's type and state currently. I'm beginning to appreciate the fact long hair also looks beautiful in intricate updos as well as down, but I have yet to really dive into the type of protective styling I should be doing. I have my hair up about 4-5 days out of the week, and I wash once a week, but half the time it's just a ponytail or something (so I can still feel like my hair is a decent length), which doesn't protect my ends at all. I bought my first hair stick recently though, so I'm hoping once it ships I'll be doing more protective updos :)

I felt this way as well. What really helped me was the wear your hair up challenge and checking in everyday.

After two weeks it became a habit and my hair is much better for it.

[irisa2005]

:boohoo:
Your words are so inspiring!!
This kind of courage is always needed..
I miss my long hair, but I know I will get there without break into social trends that affect my natural me.
Thank you for your nice words :flower:

[meteor]

Fia, your original post definitely strikes a chord. :agree: I think keeping hair very long does require some patience and conservatism in terms of just sticking with the plan and not doing too much stuff that's too rash & permanent (e.g. impulsive cuts). I often hear folks say: "What's the point of having all that long hair when it's always up/hidden?" The reality is, if I wore it loose all the time, I simply wouldn't have it this long, I'd cut it just to make it easier to handle, so some "boredom" might be necessary for me to keep hair long. :lol:
As always, YMMV, and I really applaud people who can keep hair long while continuing to heavily style it, changing permanent colors/textures frequently and what not... it's not that easy to do when there is lots of hair involved. :bowtome:

[Shorty89]

I get what you're saying and sometimes the waiting game sucks. But, the "why have it long when no one sees it" isn't totally valid for me. While I do love sometimes showing off the length, I enjoy trying fun braids or buns (mostly braids) when I have the chance. I'd miss out on that with short hair!

[Rowdy]

TRUE to all of these. But the one thing I have always wondered is I know that if you leave your hair down it is more prone to damage, but I always thought that keeping it up all the time damaged it to. I don't use hair sticks (I know most ppl do on here but sorry I am just not that "Invested" yet and I like hair ties) which I know don't cause as much damage but I mean like the style of having it up.
I have a bunch of broken little hairs from where I had my hair up in a pony tail every day.
Any thoughts?

Pencils and smooth pens are a great way to try out updos without buying hairsticks :)

[Tosca]

Pencils and smooth pens are a great way to try out updos without buying hairsticks :)

I wore claw clip buns for a long time before I figured out hair sticks properly. I used both the large size and the mini size to hold a cinnabun. I still use them, but in rotation with my sticks, Amish pins and flexi-8s. Where I live, hair toys other than clips are really only available online.