Urge to cut/self sabotage *sigh*

[turtlelover]

I've been doing really well at growing out my hair and my layers, and I don't know if it is holiday loneliness and anxiety triggering it or what, but I am suddenly noticing every little thing wrong with my hair, and I feel the urge to do something about it. The thing is, this has been a pattern with me for YEARS. I feel like I am constantly "growing out" my hair because I just can't seem to leave it alone. I can be doing FINE at achieving my goals, and then can be derailed in an instant. Rather than patiently wait to achieve my goals, it is much easier to have instant gratification and do something different with my hair, and that urge is suddenly very strong. I can't quite figure it all out. It is like I sabotage myself EVERY TIME my hair starts to get long even though I really want long hair. *sigh* I'd have zero problem just cutting my hair if I actually wanted short hair, but I really, truly don't want short hair. This struggle with self sabotage probably sounds bizarre! Maybe I am not alone, however, since there seems to be a lot of cutting going on lately and I'm pretty sure that at least some of the people doing the cutting will be regretting that in a few months! haha

[dancedance]

What about learning some fancy new updo? Could that help with the desire for a change? I'm pretty good at ignoring my hair which is good for avoiding haircuts and bad for taking good care of it, so the feeling is foreign to me. I did used to get major urges to chop, but that was because I genuinely wanted short hair. Or maybe you could get some pretty silk scarves and learn how to tie them decoratively? Out of sight, out of mind type of thing?

[Deborah]

Quite a few ladies on the list have recently cut their hair and are happy with the result. Don't let this tempt you though. They wanted shorter hair, for reasons of their own. You want longer hair, so determine to leave the length alone and let it grow. You have made a great start at getting it to lengths you want to experience, so stand strong and grow it! Don't give up!! :cheer:

[vampyyri]

I used to be the self-sabotaging type... every time I got to what I would assume is BSL, back up to SL it went.
It all depends on what you really want! I grew mine out initially for my wedding and never had the heart to cut it. Perhaps surpass your longest length and re-access.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

How about some self talk telling yourself "I want long hair, everyday it is longer than yesterday. If I cut it, it will never get long and be the way I want it."

[pili]

I have done this whenever it hit one of those in-between stages. You know, when you could easy updos and then all of a sudden they stop working? Yeah, I didn't look for solutions, I just cut...or did something I knew would damage the hair. This time I just come on here and look at hair I want to aspire to. Maybe you could do the same?

[ReadingRenee]

Story of my hair growing life right here! I have been having the same issues. First of all, I have noticed my pattern is to cut it in a drastic way in November or December. Pretty much every single time. Not sure if its the approaching new year, or more stress or what, but I am breaking the pattern this year and have promised myself no cuts until 2017.

The second thing I did was I blow dried it last night for fun on medium heat and that was cool. Having different hair and being able to see how long it is helped.

The third thing, is I have a note taking app on my phone that I have a running list of every time I am really glad I didn't cut my hair. Anytime I appreciate my hair and am grateful I didn't cut it, I enter the date, why I am glad its still long, and a picture if I have it. Then when I get the cutting urge, I go back and look through the list. My trigger seems to be around BSL as well and Im not sure why. I notice my hair seems thinner at this length and my updos are not working the same as they were. I plan to power through it this time. No one can cut my hair but me ( or a hairdresser with my permission) So, Im just not going to do it.

The fourth thing is, I do the 2 week rule like if I have any time during that 2 weeks Im glad I still have my long hair, I reset the 2 week clock. I actually have not ever gone a full 2 weeks without being glad that my hair is still long. That helps keep me from impulsive decisions. (I should really start doing that with cutting bangs in as well... oh well. :) )

eta: I have also been known to chop after taking just one unflattering hair picture, thinking its terrible and cutting it all off. I have learned over the years that sometimes my hair will look amazing in photos and other times it looks terrible, but its not a reflection of my hair and if I wait, I will take another great hair photo again.

Experimenting with different shampoos and conditioners or washing methods helps me too. And clarifying. :)

[ReadingRenee]

How about some self talk telling yourself "I want long hair, everyday it is longer than yesterday. If I cut it, it will never get long and be the way I want it."

I like this too. I have been using self talk similar to this lately. I also visualize it growing when I go to sleep at night. :oops: Bonus, it helps me fall asleep because its pretty boring. lol!

[Mrstran]

Just throwing this out there and please forgive me if I'm wrong. I don't mean for this to come off the wrong way, and I mean well.
I may be reading too far into the whole self sabotage thing you are talking about, and if so, again I'm sorry. I can't say that enough.

The thing is. I use to do that to myself a lot. Not just with small petty things but big things. For example, I'd purposely get myself kicked out of apartments. I'd also start arguments with an ex whom I was perfectly happy with just to try to get him to dump me. I'd quit jobs for no reason knowing that I needed them, I even dropped out of college 3 times. Once I got a horrible tattoo (see my pic) because I was told to never get one. I did ALL of this just because I COULD do it. It was my way of proving to myself that I was in control of myself and my life, no one else.

It all stopped when a friend came to me and had a serious talk. He said to me " don't give up what you want most, for what you want right now". I realized what I wanted right now was control. What I wanted most was a good life.

And my outlook changed. Just like that.
I learned that it was all for nothing. It was something I needed to figure out and correct it. It takes a lot of discipline, patients, and more than anything learning about yourself.

Now If I'm totally off here and this just has to do with giving up easy. Is this a trend? Do you normally start things but not finish them? If so, perhaps tie your hair up and pick up a small task. Something small and easy to complete. When you are finished start something that takes a little longer and continue doing this. The point is to teach yourself patients. In the mean time, you won't be so focused on your hair. As for the quick gratification, I have that issue as well. This is why my house gets rearranged two times a month and my hubby can never seem to figure out what cupboard the plates are in.

[spidermom]

I suppose it could be self-sabotage. Then again, it could be that you crave some change. Maybe you can change something other than your hair.

[LadyCelestina]

Or are you just seeing all these hair cutting threads and want to cut as well when you hear how great they say the feel after the cut ? :lol: Me too, especially when they say how bad buns made them look, or how their hair got caught in everything and now it's all rainbows because they cut it. :D

But then I try to remember why I always grow my hair out after cutting it. I'm lazy to cut my hair all the time. I don't like how it's short when you want to pretend you are a fairy, elf, a person from the past or one of those beautiful metal girls with long hair :D (of course you can have short hair and pretend to be anything you want, these are just my versions). Everybody can have short hair whenever they want to, but not long hair. Buns do suck, but I don't believe 100% of them are unflattering so why not just wear the flattering ones?

But even through all this I sometimes do impulse chops. Mostly trims because I'm teriffied of looking at my hair one day and realising that the last 20cm are all splits. That's why I joined the No Trimming challenge for next year, hoping that people will talk me out of trims :)

[LadyCelestina]

Though you probably could wear extensions or wig for instant long hair I guess...

[Crystawni]

Mayhaps set some new goals? Challenge yourself? Keep a chart of your progress? How do you feel when your hair is shorter? Do you prefer neatness, or mayhem? Does your hair fit in with this? Can it be resolved without cutting with say a style or hairtoy or hat or scarf? Do you prefer ponytails to buns (LWP; lazywrap pony)? Softness around your face (framing layers and/or looser bohemian updos)? Maybe boredom or frustration are dictating dastardly things to you?

These are just a few thoughts. For me, I had to get over the hump of the usual snip to a certain length (around APL-BSL), or wanting to fall back to a long, blowdried bob that looked sleek, before I could move on and revel in new lengths and styles. How did I get over that hump? Investing in the challenge and inspiration of LHC, hairtoys and people growing with me. It's been a great investment so far!

[hanne jensen]

Your hair growing story could be mine. I could never get past a longish APL before cutting. My hair would be so damaged that it just broke off. I wanted perfect hair with no damage and hair that looked like a hair commercial. Well, in real life that doesn't exist. I've chopped since joining LHC because my hair was damaged. I wanted change right now, not even now, but yesterday. I then found the thread in Polls and Projects to not cut hair for x amount of years. I vowed to not chop for 10 years. This was 3 years ago and I've kept my vow. Mosey on over there and take the vow too. even if it's only for 1 year.

[Kake]

I'm a wee bit like that too. For me, if I'm not on a hair "journey" then I'm theoretically at the place I want to be. I'm not sure if that's possible for me, I have a lifetime of difficult hair, and I don't know if I will ever learn to be happy with it.

[Kake]

Your hair growing story could be mine. I could never get past a longish APL before cutting. My hair would be so damaged that it just broke off. I wanted perfect hair with no damage and hair that looked like a hair commercial. Well, in real life that doesn't exist. I've chopped since joining LHC because my hair was damaged. I wanted change right now, not even now, but yesterday. I then found the thread in Polls and Projects to not cut hair for x amount of years. I vowed to not chop for 10 years. This was 3 years ago and I've kept my vow. Mosey on over there and take the vow too. even if it's only for 1 year.

This really resonates with me.

[Llama]

Mayhaps set some new goals? Challenge yourself? Keep a chart of your progress? How do you feel when your hair is shorter? Do you prefer neatness, or mayhem? Does your hair fit in with this? Can it be resolved without cutting with say a style or hairtoy or hat or scarf? Do you prefer ponytails to buns (LWP; lazywrap pony)? Softness around your face (framing layers and/or looser bohemian updos)? Maybe boredom or frustration are dictating dastardly things to you?

These are just a few thoughts. For me, I had to get over the hump of the usual snip to a certain length (around APL-BSL), or wanting to fall back to a long, blowdried bob that looked sleek, before I could move on and revel in new lengths and styles. How did I get over that hump? Investing in the challenge and inspiration of LHC, hairtoys and people growing with me. It's been a great investment so far!


I like this. I think it's a good idea to allow yourself to change up your styles. If you don't like how your face is looking with long hair, before cutting it short try cutting in face framing layers or change the hem, etc. You don't have to have all one length hair to grow it long.
And wear it messy if that's your style (I love messy/boho hairstyles). You don't have to wear it slicked back in a neat bun all the time if you don't like how that looks on you. Work with what you've got while looking forward to your end goal.

[lapushka]

I've been doing really well at growing out my hair and my layers, and I don't know if it is holiday loneliness and anxiety triggering it or what, but I am suddenly noticing every little thing wrong with my hair, and I feel the urge to do something about it. The thing is, this has been a pattern with me for YEARS. I feel like I am constantly "growing out" my hair because I just can't seem to leave it alone. I can be doing FINE at achieving my goals, and then can be derailed in an instant. Rather than patiently wait to achieve my goals, it is much easier to have instant gratification and do something different with my hair, and that urge is suddenly very strong. I can't quite figure it all out. It is like I sabotage myself EVERY TIME my hair starts to get long even though I really want long hair. *sigh* I'd have zero problem just cutting my hair if I actually wanted short hair, but I really, truly don't want short hair. This struggle with self sabotage probably sounds bizarre! Maybe I am not alone, however, since there seems to be a lot of cutting going on lately and I'm pretty sure that at least some of the people doing the cutting will be regretting that in a few months! haha

For *years* I had this going on, when I was not BSL yet, every spring I would get the urge to change it up. And I did, for many years. Then once it got past BSL, that changed, and it definitively changed when I got to hip and could do a LWB. I don't think I can cut beyond hip any more - I would miss being able to do a LWB the most.

The point is, you haven't gotten to that point yet. And it may just be an awkward stage you're going through as well.

Maybe microtrim a tiny bit, and satisfy that "urge" to cut a bit. You can practice Feye's that way, and it would be nice to learn to do it, if you don't know it already.

[stachelbeere]

I've been a bit like this too recently, now that my hair surpassed waist - but then I reminded myself why I grew my hair long in the first place. I've always wanted to be able to do pretty updos and braids. I like how when my hair is wavy it softens my face. So I decided to put more time and care into my hair and to try make it look pretty - I cut some face framing layers today (which are hardly face framing as the shortest ones are around APL) and I feel like the hair in the front has a better 'flow' but I've been contemplating this change for a few months now. So yeah - analise the problem and try to find a reason why you're thinking like this. best of luck :blossom:

[Nique1202]

I've also got a history of making big, impulsive chops to my hair. The last time I did I went from my then-longest (midback) to the shortest it had ever been (pixie, from shaved nape to ~2 inch pieces on top). There was always a momentary satisfaction, lasted long enough that if I'd been on the forums I'd have posted similarly to what a lot of folks have been, and then within a week or two I'd be full of regret again.

Also, I don't know about any of you, but I have anxiety and literal OCD, and sometimes I get intrusive thoughts/compulsions about doing bad things. While I'm really happy for everyone who genuinely likes their post-chop hair, seeing all the threads and comments and blog posts has definitely made the "just chop it all off" thoughts come around more often and louder. So I've had to be more careful about engaging with threads/comments about it to make sure that the impulse doesn't overcome my better senses.

One of the ways I got through my impulses on this growth journey has been to put it up 24/7 except during my air-dry time until the urge passes. If I can't see the length then I can distract myself with other stuff so that I don't start thinking about taking the scissors to it. It got me as far as tailbone, so with a little luck it'll keep me on track for classic.

[Wusel]

and I'm pretty sure that at least some of the people doing the cutting will be regretting that in a few months! haha

No. Still no regrets and it's a while ago already. I always loved me with shorter hair (it's a very pretty and versatile LOB, long bob) and I regret now that I didn't cut it earlier (before my "SING!" music-video, to look cuter in it).

[lapushka]

No. Still no regrets and it's a while ago already. I always loved me with shorter hair (it's a very pretty and versatile LOB, long bob) and I regret now that I didn't cut it earlier (before my "SING!" music-video, to look cuter in it).

You could always do a new video. ;) With a different song. :D

[OhSuzi]

Maybe you should think about why you want to grow it long? Maybe having a list of reasons why you're doing this might help to keep you on track.
Reminding yourself that you want to be able to try exciting braids or to look like a mermaid or to out of curiosity to find the longest length you can go to, to experiment with colours on the ends of your hair without damaging the rest.

Or maybe you don't have any reason to grow it long, other than you decided on a whim
Or it's not living up to expectations - it gets in your mouth loads and you werent prepared to deal with that, or you imagined it'd magically grow straight and blonde even though you know you're red with curls, or you thought there'd be zero damage but that lots or whatever.


Think long and hard about what it is you actually want for your hair and how to achieve it and if your goals are realistic - don't give up just because it's taking longer than you think, or it's hard - the harder something is the greater sense of achievement.
If you know for a fact you've always hated it short and you think you'll regret a cut do try and hold off.
But equally don't force yourself to have long hair if its making you unhappy / you thought it would be great but it turns out you don't feel it suits you or you expected perfection that's impossible to achieve.

Getting a hair cut does not make you a failure and is not worth beating yourself up about.

[Wusel]

You could always do a new video. ;) With a different song. :D

It's on its way already ;) New song done. Recording in progress. And video too :) Upload around February or so. Don't want to overwhelm my subscribers with an overdose of me :D

[lapushka]

It's on its way already ;) New song done. Recording in progress. And video too :) Upload around February or so. Don't want to overwhelm my subscribers with an overdose of me :D

I don't mean any offense, but I think subbies require frequent content or they just tend to unsub. Just a friendly note. You can't overwhelm subscribers. ;) I tend to not like channels that much that don't have frequent content or don't keep a tight schedule. That's just my preference. :)

[KittyBird]

I don't mean any offense, but I think subbies require frequent content or they just tend to unsub. Just a friendly note. You can't overwhelm subscribers. ;) I tend to not like channels that much that don't have frequent content or don't keep a tight schedule. That's just my preference. :)

Totally agree! I love it when people post videos frequently.

[Wusel]

I don't mean any offense, but I think subbies require frequent content or they just tend to unsub. Just a friendly note. You can't overwhelm subscribers. ;) I tend to not like channels that much that don't have frequent content or don't keep a tight schedule. That's just my preference. :)



Totally agree! I love it when people post videos frequently.

:bounce::bounce::bounce: I get it, I get it... :D You want a new video ASAP to see my new hairdo :D

[mizukitty]

Hmm, I can relate with self defeating thoughts as I struggle with them frequently. For every "bad" thing you notice about your hair, why don't you name two good things? From your pics your hair is very thick and shiny looking, and you said it grows consistently! Those are definitely good things - don't focus only on the bad. Also, if I wear my hair down constantly I also start to obsess over a split end or two and then it just becomes consuming until I S&D. Until your head's a bit more settled, you can always wear it up to keep it out of sight/mind. You can always reevaluate at a later time. Hugs to you, most importantly :flower:

[KittyBird]

:bounce::bounce::bounce: I get it, I get it... :D You want a new video ASAP to see my new hairdo :D
:whip: :whip:

:D Of course! We're all curious about how it looks!

[Seija]

What about a change in color? That always helps me
Just no bleach or super harsh dyes :shake:

[Nique1202]

What about a change in color? That always helps me
Just no bleach or super harsh dyes :shake:

That doesn't help those of us with dark hair to start with, though. That's why a lot of us resort to new hairstyles: they show up on everyone and they can be undone in a few minutes (whereas, especially with lighter or damaged hair, even a vegetable dye can be near impossible to get out).

[lapushka]

:bounce::bounce::bounce: I get it, I get it... :D You want a new video ASAP to see my new hairdo :D

LOL, but of *course* we do! :D

[turtlelover]

I've also got a history of making big, impulsive chops to my hair. The last time I did I went from my then-longest (midback) to the shortest it had ever been (pixie, from shaved nape to ~2 inch pieces on top). There was always a momentary satisfaction, lasted long enough that if I'd been on the forums I'd have posted similarly to what a lot of folks have been, and then within a week or two I'd be full of regret again.

Also, I don't know about any of you, but I have anxiety and literal OCD, and sometimes I get intrusive thoughts/compulsions about doing bad things. While I'm really happy for everyone who genuinely likes their post-chop hair, seeing all the threads and comments and blog posts has definitely made the "just chop it all off" thoughts come around more often and louder. So I've had to be more careful about engaging with threads/comments about it to make sure that the impulse doesn't overcome my better senses.

One of the ways I got through my impulses on this growth journey has been to put it up 24/7 except during my air-dry time until the urge passes. If I can't see the length then I can distract myself with other stuff so that I don't start thinking about taking the scissors to it. It got me as far as tailbone, so with a little luck it'll keep me on track for classic.

Good advice! Thanks!

[Kimberly]

I finally figured out my cyclical urges to do something drastic to my hair were related to the fact that my hair actually looks better or worse during certain seasons. It's a humidity-change thing for me. When my hair is doing its awkward seasonal transition thing and just not looking its best, I know if I cut it and get some shorter style that, with much more fussing and maintenance, will look better -- for a while. Until the next trim, which never goes right, probably because it's changing seasons again, so my hair is being different hair, and doesn't like this style anymore!

So now ... I buy hats. I buy one or re-trim one or have it cleaned/reshaped when my hair freaks out in the spring or early summer, and do it again for the winter seasonal switch. This year has been all about the Roaring Twenties, with a flowered felt cloche in the cool weather and a straw boater with various bands during the summer. Bonus: even two new hats a year costs less than my cuts and trims and products did, allowing me to rationalize hair toy purchases, too, and I get to have a new look every season. And keep on growing. :-)

[ReadingRenee]

I finally figured out my cyclical urges to do something drastic to my hair were related to the fact that my hair actually looks better or worse during certain seasons. It's a humidity-change thing for me. When my hair is doing its awkward seasonal transition thing and just not looking its best, I know if I cut it and get some shorter style that, with much more fussing and maintenance, will look better -- for a while. Until the next trim, which never goes right, probably because it's changing seasons again, so my hair is being different hair, and doesn't like this style anymore!

So now ... I buy hats. I buy one or re-trim one or have it cleaned/reshaped when my hair freaks out in the spring or early summer, and do it again for the winter seasonal switch. This year has been all about the Roaring Twenties, with a flowered felt cloche in the cool weather and a straw boater with various bands during the summer. Bonus: even two new hats a year costs less than my cuts and trims and products did, allowing me to rationalize hair toy purchases, too, and I get to have a new look every season. And keep on growing. :-)

Hey you may be on to something there! I just realized today that my hair is much straighter and frizzier in the cold winter months. Consequently the ends look thinner and rattier. And I always cut it in November or December! lightbulb!

That is such a great point. I think when we commit to growing out our hair, just like any long term commitment we aren't going to love it every hour of every day. We will have struggles and days when we just want to give up but because we are committed to growing our hair long, we persevere and get over the occasional hump and back to enjoying our hair. Well, that is true for me at least. I never thought of it that way before though. Thanks for the insight.

[pili]

Hey you may be on to something there! I just realized today that my hair is much straighter and frizzier in the cold winter months. Consequently the ends look thinner and rattier. And I always cut it in November or December! lightbulb!

That is such a great point. I think when we commit to growing out our hair, just like any long term commitment we aren't going to love it every hour of every day. We will have struggles and days when we just want to give up but because we are committed to growing our hair long, we persevere and get over the occasional hump and back to enjoying our hair. Well, that is true for me at least. I never thought of it that way before though. Thanks for the insight.

I know many wavy/curly girls have different sets of products for summer and winter since the dew point affects us so much. You could try a "lighter" set of products.

[ReadingRenee]

I know many wavy/curly girls have different sets of products for summer and winter since the dew point affects us so much. You could try a "lighter" set of products.

Thanks, that is a good thought. I will look around and see if there is anything more suitable for the drier climate.

[inpatient]

I've been doing really well at growing out my hair and my layers, and I don't know if it is holiday loneliness and anxiety triggering it or what, but I am suddenly noticing every little thing wrong with my hair, and I feel the urge to do something about it. The thing is, this has been a pattern with me for YEARS. I feel like I am constantly "growing out" my hair because I just can't seem to leave it alone. I can be doing FINE at achieving my goals, and then can be derailed in an instant. Rather than patiently wait to achieve my goals, it is much easier to have instant gratification and do something different with my hair, and that urge is suddenly very strong. I can't quite figure it all out. It is like I sabotage myself EVERY TIME my hair starts to get long even though I really want long hair. *sigh* I'd have zero problem just cutting my hair if I actually wanted short hair, but I really, truly don't want short hair. This struggle with self sabotage probably sounds bizarre! Maybe I am not alone, however, since there seems to be a lot of cutting going on lately and I'm pretty sure that at least some of the people doing the cutting will be regretting that in a few months! haha

Girl, you're NOT alone! I have been cutting my own hair almost every month for the last year! And I've cut so much that now I'm left with chin length hair. I've joined "no trimming 2017" to be motivated not to cut it once in 2017, it's kinda my biggest goal for this year XD

[lapushka]

Girl, you're NOT alone! I have been cutting my own hair almost every month for the last year! And I've cut so much that now I'm left with chin length hair. I've joined "no trimming 2017" to be motivated not to cut it once in 2017, it's kinda my biggest goal for this year XD

OMG didn't you notice somewhere halfway that you were cutting off too much? :shocked: That is awful. Or, are you just scissor-happy (that exists). I'm glad you're on no-trimming 2017!

[Kat-Rinnè Naido]

I think it's the season.
At the moment I'm also getting tempting thoughts to do something different with my hair. I love may hair it is better much more healthier than it has ever been in a long time. Now I am having thoughts of using heat on my hair just to change my look. I'm on benign neglect to avoid sabotaging all that I have achieved to date.

My advice this is just a phase and it too will pass. Distract yourself and try not to focus on your hair. Maybe even spoil yourself with a new outfit. Good luck.