Is there anyone out there who is/was judged for not straightening their hair?

[Gothic]

So in my class there's a girl with 3b hair and a girl told her that she should straighten her hair because she looks like a lion. There's another girl who stopped straightening her hair because she wants to grow it long, and someone asked her if she was lazy to get ready because she goes to school with wavy hair.
These kind of things bother me so much because I have 2b/c hair :(

[lapushka]

Sounds like a good time to speak up and say something. ;)

There'll always be people out there preferring straight to wavy/curly, doesn't make it any less beautiful. :)

[FennFire911]

I don't recall curly haired girls being told they should straighten it back in school, but for me high school ended 20 years ago.
I really think the only thing people *should* do with their hair is love it. I know the grass is always greener somewhere else so if curly wants to try straight or a straight wants to try curly that's their choice. THEIRS.
Is this girls telling other girls what to do with their hair? If so, probably just jealousy shining through. The boys like curly hair just fine, I'm quite sure.

[lithostoic]

I've never heard that o-o Although people used to accuse me of not having naturally straight hair ... Til I started going to school with wet hair.

[Gothic]

Sounds like a good time to speak up and say something. ;)

There'll always be people out there preferring straight to wavy/curly, doesn't make it any less beautiful. :)
I did and she was like "whatever, curly hair is like a lion's mane".


I don't recall curly haired girls being told they should straighten it back in school, but for me high school ended 20 years ago.
I really think the only thing people *should* do with their hair is love it. I know the grass is always greener somewhere else so if curly wants to try straight or a straight wants to try curly that's their choice. THEIRS.
Is this girls telling other girls what to do with their hair? If so, probably just jealousy shining through. The boys like curly hair just fine, I'm quite sure.
These were two separate girls and yeah, they both told others what they should do with their hair.

When I stopped straightening mine I got a lot of comments that it looks messy and it looked better when it was straight :(

[EbonyCurls]

I'm asked all the time to straighten my hair. Like an actual request, just because the person wants to see what it looks like or how long it is straight. That's when I show them a photo of previously straightened hair. Sorry, not going to damage my hair for your curiosity LOL. I haven't used heat or straightened my hair in five years, and I don't see myself ever doing it again. I do experiment with texture by brushing, oiling and braiding, and one of these days I might try roller setting to smooth hair out.

[Strands]

I was bullied really badly from the age of 8-18 by the SAME people. When I started at a new school in second grade, I had just had a surgery that messed with my scalp and my hair fall out easily. I had a bad time. Because my scalp was not getting oily at all, and would fall out in big chunks if I brushed or washed it too much, kids would make fun of me. On top of that, my family was poor and this new school was full of upper-middle class kids. It was bad. No one stood up for me. Even the teachers made cruel remarks.

Please stand up for this girl.

[Hairkay]

My mother's generation in the Caribbean had to straighten their hair to attend certain elite schools. Those days are gone now. I've only had one person suggest that I straighten my hair. Of course I gave her the exact details of how straightening can be harmful to me. No one else dares ask me that though there has been the one subtle attempt to gift me with a hair straightener tool. Your hair is your own to decided what to do with it. As long as it pleases you it's no one else's business.

Oh and I'll cheerful refer to my hair as the bush. A lion's mane sounds quite attractive to me.

[LadyCelestina]

Yes. There was this one girl in highschool who would forever ask me to straighten my hair, but not out of curiosity...
Also last year I think a roommate told me that she will straighten my hair one day. She had very conventional tastes in everything so probably felt that having curly hair must be a huge disability for me :P

Surprisingly I never had a male person tell me that I should straighten my hair, so maybe it's just a thing females do to other females to feel better about themselves? (if not out of curiosity that is)

Also as a kid I was mostly 'bullied' because people wanted to comb it and then it wouldn't work and they got mad that it looks poofy or something... Fun story :D My dad didn't know how to care for curls of course, so he always blowdried my hair, combing it with fine tooth comb, then combing it neatly into a style. I think one time he didn't do that because I never liked to get it combed besides the drying process, and I went out on bike and it was windy and some kids were like "lions mane!" :O :D it was funny.

[Robot Ninja]

So, if fashion is supposed to be cyclical, isn't it way past time for straightened hair to stop being "in"? Not that I'm suggesting we go back to the spiral-permed triangle-head monstrosities of my middle-school days, but you'd think the trend would have swung back to curls by now, and it hasn't, except for the heavily styled, fat-barrel curls you see on glamor models and Pinterest, which require straightish hair to begin with.

[lithostoic]

I think what's in fashion now is embracing your natural texture. Every ad I see seems to endorse just that. And I'm seeing it irl too!

[FennFire911]

Surprisingly I never had a male person tell me that I should straighten my hair, so maybe it's just a thing females do to other females to feel better about themselves? (if not out of curiosity that is)


I think many women might be surprised by what men think of hair. They aren't even remotely critical of long hair in the general sense.
This brutality comes from other females. Curls are very attractive and desirable. Girls that can't achieve them, or who have to spend hours to achieve them, will make themselves feel better by belittling the ones who get curls naturally if they're that insecure. I see this as the behaviour of someone trying to subdue the attractiveness of a rival.
"I'm not as pretty as her and I can't fix it by changing myself, I've got to convince her to stop being prettier than me by getting her to change herself."

I'm no psychologist of course, but it seems I've watched this scene play out in many various ways before...

[Deborah]

Yeah, and there are those of us who spent night after night, year after year sleeping in uncomfortable rollers because our parents and others did not like our straight hair. Eventually we each have to decide whether WE can accept the type of hair we have or whether we will go on fighting it. Once we firmly decide that our hair is just fine the way it grows, then the opinions of others fade in their significance. We cannot control what others think and say, but we can decide that their words don't matter to us.

[Gothic]

I think many women might be surprised by what men think of hair. They aren't even remotely critical of long hair in the general sense.
This brutality comes from other females. Curls are very attractive and desirable. Girls that can't achieve them, or who have to spend hours to achieve them, will make themselves feel better by belittling the ones who get curls naturally if they're that insecure. I see this as the behaviour of someone trying to subdue the attractiveness of a rival.
"I'm not as pretty as her and I can't fix it by changing myself, I've got to convince her to stop being prettier than me by getting her to change herself."

I'm no psychologist of course, but it seems I've watched this scene play out in many various ways before...
Actually, the second girl in the story straightens her hair everyday, so I'm not sure why does she goes around telling people thongs like that but nevermind.

And you're right, I never heard males talking about which hair texture they prefer lol.

[Strands]

I think many women might be surprised by what men think of hair. They aren't even remotely critical of long hair in the general sense.
This brutality comes from other females. Curls are very attractive and desirable. Girls that can't achieve them, or who have to spend hours to achieve them, will make themselves feel better by belittling the ones who get curls naturally if they're that insecure. I see this as the behaviour of someone trying to subdue the attractiveness of a rival.
"I'm not as pretty as her and I can't fix it by changing myself, I've got to convince her to stop being prettier than me by getting her to change herself."

I'm no psychologist of course, but it seems I've watched this scene play out in many various ways before...

YES.

:bowtome:

[OhSuzi]

Crazy! Occasionally in my youf when I had longer hair, I'd crimp it, deliberately to get big volume and a lions mane look. Being told I have hair like a lion would be a compliment!!
I have been guilty of asking ringletty friends to pull a ringlet straight as I was curious to see how long it was. Iv probably asked them if they'd consider straightening their hair to see what it was like too out of curiosity, but ive never been like errgh get your hair straightened, cause it's a mess and everyone says so. I love their curly hair and wish mine was even bigger and curlier.

I am guilty of telling my friend she should have a crack at dying her hair or even just try hair chalks or a wig. I've known her 25 yrs and it has never changed Give or take 3 inches. She has white white skin, and yellow white blonde shoulder length hair. She complains that she is too pail and that her hair is too fine to do anything with. I really want her to try something different but she has lived in fear of the change being terrible and so it has always stayed the same - which would be fine if she enjoyed what she has. She's probably witnessed some of my terrible hair chopping / dying disasters and thought I'm not that stupid.

I remember reading a rather depressing article that said people do have preconceived ideas about curly hair and people generally considered it youthful but unsophisticated. There was an experiment based on appearance alone of pics of similar people one straight one curly haired and who is most likely to get the promotion. Majority chose the straighty. If it's curly it's often not perfectly neat and therefore you're more likely to be considered untidy and unprofessional. You're also more likely to be perceived as having a temper if you're hair is curly. You get called wild or unruly especially if you're also a redhead.

Nuts! Big up the curl!

[LaísB]

I think that the urge to staright hair has become so normal that most of us don't even notice when we see someone who straightens her hair. For an example I have two friends from uni who I saw almost every single day and I seriouslt thought that they had straight hair but then one appeared with her awesome waist lenght curly hair and the other went trpught a transition to repair her lovely curly locks and even did a big chop a few months ago and I was like 'wow!' because society really makes us think that straight hair is the norm and I didn't even notice these two girls had curly hair because I thought it was straight and didn't even considered that it could be a blow out.

One thing I noticed with me was that most people consider wavy hair (2abc) as "undefined" and that needed to be straightened because "it has no definition on it's own" or that it was a "messy voluminous straight that needs help to look cute" and I struggled with it a lot when I was 12 because it wasn't as curly as my mom's or as straight as my friends from school. It took me a long time to understand my texture and honestly I am nowhere near understanding it fully (in fact I even get unsure about the texture itself) so that I can take care of it in the way my hair needs.

[lapushka]

I did and she was like "whatever, curly hair is like a lion's mane".

I have a lion's mane (thick and wavy) and when I was a teen I hated it, but now, it's grown on me. ;) It also depends where you are, what stage of your life, and whether you accept your curls/waves or not. It's very individual. :)

[FennFire911]

Yea I also wanted to throw out there that "lion's mane" is not an effective insult. lol
There are several new women at my company, and if you're not scheduled on a truck with someone it can be weeks before you even run into them. One day at the office one of the guys was trying to remember the name of one of the new girls when she came up in conversation but he'd forgotten it. He said she was the one with hair like a lion's mane. I told him her name, I knew who it was just from that description. The other guys laughed at his attempt to describe her by her hair, but all seemed to agree it's cute hair.

I would LOVE if my hair were thick enough to be compared to a mane.

[eladriel]

I had a classmate in middle school who had curly hair naturally, but she straightened it every single day and seemed to think that everyone else must do that too. She would literally try to bully other girls into straightening their hair and make fun of them even for having slightly wavy hair. I guess that's how she dealt with her own insecurity (cause she absolutely loathed her natural texture for some reason).

[FennFire911]

Actually, the second girl in the story straightens her hair everyday, so I'm not sure why does she goes around telling people thongs like that but nevermind.

And you're right, I never heard males talking about which hair texture they prefer lol.

Well then I simply don't understand her motives. Self loathing for her own hair that she sees as imperfect and the misery loves company attitude? She doesn't love her curly hair so nobody else with curly hair should love their hair?
Nobody will ever truly decode teenagers I don't think. The only positive thing I can say about high school is that it eventually ends.

[FennFire911]

I had a classmate in middle school who had curly hair naturally, but she straightened it every single day and seemed to think that everyone else must do that too. She would literally try to bully other girls into straightening their hair and make fun of them even for having slightly wavy hair. I guess that's how she dealt with her own insecurity (cause she absolutely loathed her natural texture for some reason).

^^^ agree!

[Hairkay]

I think many women might be surprised by what men think of hair. They aren't even remotely critical of long hair in the general sense.
This brutality comes from other females. Curls are very attractive and desirable. Girls that can't achieve them, or who have to spend hours to achieve them, will make themselves feel better by belittling the ones who get curls naturally if they're that insecure. I see this as the behaviour of someone trying to subdue the attractiveness of a rival.
"I'm not as pretty as her and I can't fix it by changing myself, I've got to convince her to stop being prettier than me by getting her to change herself."

I'm no psychologist of course, but it seems I've watched this scene play out in many various ways before...

Men can be just as critical over hair. I remember in my late teens my sis and I were at a party. My hair tends to look glossy but sis's doesn't, I'm 3c with some 4a. Sis is 4a with some 3c. My hair was tied back, showing tiny glossy waves and ending in a plait. At that time both of us would brush out our hair so the curls were not or barely defined. Sis had the same hairstyle. He looked at my sis and asked her if she ever heard of straightening perms. I have heard that some men try to shame some women over hair types or even say they won't date women with certain hairtypes even if these men have the same exact hair as the women they overlook.

[littlestarface]

No I never got told anything about my hair when I was young and I have very floofy hair. I'm surprised no one told me crap, my hair looks awful.

[FennFire911]

Men can be just as critical over hair. I remember in my late teens my sis and I were at a party. My hair tends to look glossy but sis's doesn't, I'm 3c with some 4a. Sis is 4a with some 3c. My hair was tied back, showing tiny glossy waves and ending in a plait. At that time both of us would brush out our hair so the curls were not or barely defined. Sis had the same hairstyle. He looked at my sis and asked her if she ever heard of straightening perms. I have heard that some men try to shame some women over hair types or even say they won't date women with certain hairtypes even if these men have the same exact hair as the women they overlook.

This is very disappointing to read. :(

[sarahthegemini]

Personally I'd love to have a thick curly "lion mane"!

[Hairkay]

This is very disappointing to read. :(

Yes it is sad. the guy who asked my sis about straightening have very tightly curled short hair, twa, even tighter than sis's. He hadn't grown out or straightened his own hair. My other two friends who were present had type 3b hair and type 1 hair.

[jfg1987]

Almost every question to me today: what happened to your hair, did you forget to brush it, are you going to fix it? (+ similar variations of this question)

I stopped straightening my hair and it's wavy curly now. I'm a little self conscious because the top front of my hair has a lot of curly baby hairs that won't stay down and there are quite a few stray hairs around my head. I looked in the mirror this morning and felt uneasy about it because it looks so messy (aren't messy hairstyles a thing now??) and today everyone noticed...

I won't go back to straightening, but man I feel kind of embarrassed.

Edit to add to the discussion: where I'm from straightening one's hair is pretty much obligatory; it's seen as messy and unkempt otherwise and that's how I grew up.

[Chromis]

Well then I simply don't understand her motives. Self loathing for her own hair that she sees as imperfect and the misery loves company attitude? She doesn't love her curly hair so nobody else with curly hair should love their hair?
Nobody will ever truly decode teenagers I don't think. The only positive thing I can say about high school is that it eventually ends.

Treat it like a giant lab experiment. If you are university bound, that is the goal and never forget it. All that drama is just distraction from the goal anyhow.

When you choose to socialize, do it because you want to and to practice for real life beyond. After all, there will always be awful people, but high school is a good time to work out different methods on them, especially if you don't plan on staying around the area anyhow. Learning how not to get involved in people's drama is a pretty valuable skill, as is deflecting people who are trying to get you down. I think the jealousy thing is overrated. Some people are just downer mumps. Even if your hair was exactly to their specifications, it would only be something else. Wrong shoes, wrong interests, wrong colour binder, who knows!

[diewassermelone]

Oh my goodness yes, on my jury this year one of the professors suggested that next year for my exams, I might "want to do something with my hair to make it more presentable". That sort of thing is offensive in general, and I find it even more insipid since in my profession we are usually heard and not seen. I also fully intend to wear my hair down again this year, and I hope that lady is back.

[Erizu]

Fortunately I grew up in an area where no hair types are shamed or glorified. I more often get complimented on my hair than I get asked, "Have you ever tried straightening your hair?" I've never really had an issue with people asking me that, though; my reply has always been along the lines of, 'yes, but I prefer it this way'! :p

[DweamGoiL]

When I lived in the Caribbean as a child, I always got complimented for my hair. They didn't see it as wavy, but rather as straight. Since my skin is light they felt I was that much closer to being white. I hated the compliments because I knew it was coming from a place of institutionalized racism and self-loathing. That was a long time ago, but then again, I think in some places those feelings are still very prevalent although no one really comes out and says it outright. But in today's world, most of this stuff is just very insecure females trying to make more confident, smarter, prettier...whatever the perception of what you have that they feel they lack...trying to make other females feel just as insecure as they do.

[Apolli]

Oh yes- I used to get bullied a lot if I left my hair texture as it is as child. My mom would even side with the other party and say that they bullied me because my hair looks umbrushed or unkempt otherwise. My hair was heat straightened as a result (a lot of times I was pressured inti it or just told to sit down and just do it) since my pre-teens (as long as I can remember), started chemically straightening then too (i was like 9-10 years old) and then started doing it myself as some sort of duty up till I was 20 (fell back on heat once I started to stretch relaxers out of concern for my scalp). I stopped straightening a year or so ago, once I realized that curly and wavy hair is actually a hair type and later on as not something that needs to be changed :)
I still get people telling me that I should straighten my hair but I've never been as confident or proud letting it down or playing with it as I am now (and that positive attitude also reflects in how I carry myself, I get way more compliments now too. That and no more traction alopecia is a plus).

[EbonyCurls]

Came back to reply again because memories are flowing back to me LOL. I do remember getting annoyed when people would insist that straightening my hair wouldn't be bad. This was after I explain to them that I have very fine low-volume hair so the curls make it look fuller. Then they would respond that I can put curls in my hair after I straighten it…what? Or I would say I don't like the smell of it when I straighten it, it smells burned and it takes weeks for my texture to go back to normal. And they reply that I'm just not using the right heat protection. So I reply well why don't they put heat protection on their arm and then hold a hot iron on their arm and see how protected that feels. Because hair is made from the same material as skin and if you can feel your skin burn then your hair is being burned as well, albeit more slowly. The products only reduce the inevitable damage. And most of the products smell worse than the burned hair.

I actually had people say "if I had your hair I would do this and that to it". And the inner bitch in me has to bite my tongue from saying maybe if you didn't do those things you'd have my hair or something nicer.

[missmelaniem]

I grew up in an era where straight hair was glorified. This was before flat irons, and I still remember some of the girls that would just brush their hair down to their head as flat as they could. Then later in the 80s SO many people were perming their hair to get the volume and curl. I remember in beauty school there was even a guy that came in to get his hair permed on blue rods (tiny!) so it was a "thing" for sure.

I dont see hair texture as cyclical anymore either (Fashion in general isnt as cyclical either, but thats another thread). I think most people concentrate on embracing what they have, and I think its awesome.

[Pamberpestana]

I've never been bullied to my face, but where I live, if someone doesn't use heat styling on their hair, that person is considered "scruffy" or "lazy" or "boring" or "unpolished"
Not alot of people in my town have natural hair anymore since the silver and platinum hair is trendy.
I make sure to let my hair air dry in a way that makes it look almost like I tried to put beach waves in (luckily I have 2a/2b hair) and it's virgin hair so I don't have that frizz that comes with hairdye/ bleach/ peroxide. I think that when my hair is longer, (it's at shoulder length right now) it'll be easier to style without heat.

[Mrstran]

My ex use to whenever I didn't. In fact, he criticized my clothes, my body, my face, my skin, my choice of music, everything!

He's long gone now and I'm happily married. Though I do occasionally check the obituaries.

[wo]

I have 3a/3b hair, and I got some comments as a teen from other teens, like 'You're the only girl I know who wears her hair the same way all the time.' They meant curly, because I did lots of different styles, I just never straightened. Now as an adult, nothing mean spirited, but almost everyone I know at some point has said 'You should straighten it once in awhile just to see what it looks like!' Or they ask if I'll let them straighten it. That doesn't bother me at all, I just explain that I really don't like the way I look with straight hair, and that my hair doesn't tolerate heat at all, even once causes so much damage. Not a hair on my head currently, has been heat styled ever, and no one is going to talk me into that! Haha

[Cass]

Kind of off topic but men definetely do have nasty things to say about hair unfortunatly. An ex said he would have dumped me if i grew my hair down to my bum. My hair is straight with a tiny bit of wave and if you didn't straighten it to within an inch of its life in high school, well you were kind of seen as poor (guessing because you couldn't afford straighteners) and didn't make an effort. People are cruel in all genders and ages :steam:cry:

[wo]

Ooooo I have to add a super mean comment I just remembered!!! Going to work one day as a teenager, a new girl was there, and upon meeting her, her first remark to me was word for word 'Your hair is so curly. If I had hair like that I'd probably kill myself.' Then she walked away!! I was speechless!! Not hurt, just thinking... This chick is cray!! Lol... I seriously have no idea what that meant or why she said that. We never interacted again.

[LadyCelestina]

I really feel sad reading what some of you people have had to go through :(

[lapushka]

I grew up in an era where straight hair was glorified. This was before flat irons, and I still remember some of the girls that would just brush their hair down to their head as flat as they could. Then later in the 80s SO many people were perming their hair to get the volume and curl. I remember in beauty school there was even a guy that came in to get his hair permed on blue rods (tiny!) so it was a "thing" for sure.

I dont see hair texture as cyclical anymore either (Fashion in general isnt as cyclical either, but thats another thread). I think most people concentrate on embracing what they have, and I think its awesome.

I remember those straight days in the 80s. I'm 44, so the eighties = my teens. And yes, it was either stick straight or a perm. Nothing in between. :)

[hannabiss]

I had straight hair but I remember in high school girls with curly hair either straightened it or it looked so fluffy from them constantly brushing it. No one ever said anything that I can remember. But not a lot of curly girls knew HOW to care for their manes. When I first joined LHC my friend Jenny hair curly hair and it was always fluffy. I actually showed her the LHC and she began doing the LOC method. She said it was the best thing ever. Her curls are defined and soft and she loves it. I wish more curly girls knew how to care for their hair. Because it's very beautiful!!! I've even helped my niece who is quarter African American. She has blonde hair but it's very thick and curly. Her mom didn't know what to do with it. (She's my brothers step daughter and her mom has thin straight hair like mine so she was clueless)

[Flipgirl24]

Young black girls get sent home because of their natural hair. I think that is the most ridiculous crap ever. What an example that school set for other kids let alone what damage to the girls' self-esteem? If you watch THE documentary "Hair" by Chris Rock, you will be shocked. It opened my eyes. I used to think that the way black women would style their hair was awesome and while it is, the reason why they do straighten their hair is maddening. Mind you, my friend once took me to her salon and everyone knows each other like the bar in the show Cheers. My mom was the opposite. She was obsessed with making my hair curly. Perms, rollers, pin curls, and curling irons ....i grew up thinking there was something always wrong with me. You know what? Hair is just hair. No child should be sent home because their hair is curly, or natural.

[MidnightMoon]

Not me, but black people with curly/kinky hair are. My hair is not straight but still passes ase pretty straight, specially in updos, and waves aren't really frowned upon. A bit strange considering sometimes I don't even brush my hair/it often gets frizzy and I look like a savage from the woods yet nobody says anything, however, a black person with clean, defined curls or well kept afro is seen bad...

[embee]

i suspect I'm much older than you ladies - but when I was in highschool in the late 1950s and early 1960s I got in trouble with the school principal. My hair was about APL and straight, that's how it grows. The principal said first that if I cut my hair it would curl. Heh. What a joke. Then she decided that I should cut my hair and have a perm. When she told this to my parents my dad defended me! :) So my hair stayed "long" and straight. At that point in my life I could not get beyond BSL, because of damage - probably chair backs and wool sweaters and such.

In my childhood I'd had many perms for my mom wanted me to have long soft ringlets. Not happening here. My dad *loathed* the stink of the perms which is probably why he defended me when the school principal attacked.

[Moonfall]

Oh, I have 2b/c hair as well, and back in high school, people would often make fun of it. Sometimes they would also ask me why I didn't use certain products on my hair and why I kept it blunt instead of changing to layers. Questions like these have always annoyed me a lot. I mean, clearly, I do not wish to do those things, or else I would have done them. Same for straightening it. I must admit, there was a time I used to straighten it (not because others told me so, but because I liked it myself!). The amount of compliments I got at the time, it was ridiculous. People would tell me "how much better I looked", and of course it's nice to get compliments, but not so much when it's kind of an indirect way of saying I should hide my natural hair. I haven't straightened my hair in over five years now (and haven't received a single compliment about my hair since). My sister, on the other hand, never leaves the house without straightening her (2b) hair first... and she gets many, many compliments.
:shrug:

[Alex Lou]

A number of years ago, a classmate asked me why I don't iron my hair. She obviously irons hers. It just seems to be expected grooming these days. I was thinking just yesterday that my hair is like a lion mane. :laugh:

[Cg]

i suspect I'm much older than you ladies - but when I was in highschool in the late 1950s and early 1960s I got in trouble with the school principal. My hair was about APL and straight, that's how it grows. The principal said first that if I cut my hair it would curl. Heh. What a joke. Then she decided that I should cut my hair and have a perm. When she told this to my parents my dad defended me! :) So my hair stayed "long" and straight. At that point in my life I could not get beyond BSL, because of damage - probably chair backs and wool sweaters and such.

In my childhood I'd had many perms for my mom wanted me to have long soft ringlets. Not happening here. My dad *loathed* the stink of the perms which is probably why he defended me when the school principal attacked.

My poor mother every Saturday night put my hair in those horrible pink foam rollers (about 100 of them because my hair was always unusually thick and long for a little child), and every Sunday morning she was disappointed that the resulting curls lasted about five minutes. I think she gave up in despair when I simply removed them during the night to get rid of the lumps.

Back then everyone was expected to believe straight hair was unattractive. It never occurred to me to get upset that others had that preference and I never bought into it either. To me hair was just...hair.

[calmyogi]

I got this all through out school and I fell into this myth as a teenager, despite being told my hair was beautiful throughout my childhood by my family. When I got made fun of enough and figured out how to straighten my hair I started doing it EVERYDAY, blow drying and ironing every morning. I think I even found strands of hair that were melted together at one time lol. Once I got to be an adult I stopped straightening it and decided my mom and her ADULT friends were a better judge than my nieve close minded peers, and I went all naturele again. I haven't had any negative comments about it in years until about a month ago a coworker asked me why I don't straighten it. I was kinda taken aback because I haven't had anyone say anything like that since I was a teenager and left my home town, most people I work with give me nothing but compliments on my wave/curl.

[calmyogi]

A number of years ago, a classmate asked me why I don't iron my hair. She obviously irons hers. It just seems to be expected grooming these days. I was thinking just yesterday that my hair is like a lion mane. :laugh:

Thats just it, it is expectred grooming these days to iron your hair, but then your expected to turn back around and put perfectly manicured curls back into it with more heat and styling. Natural curl is like frowned upon.

[calmyogi]

Crazy! Occasionally in my youf when I had longer hair, I'd crimp it, deliberately to get big volume and a lions mane look. Being told I have hair like a lion would be a compliment!!
I have been guilty of asking ringletty friends to pull a ringlet straight as I was curious to see how long it was. Iv probably asked them if they'd consider straightening their hair to see what it was like too out of curiosity, but ive never been like errgh get your hair straightened, cause it's a mess and everyone says so. I love their curly hair and wish mine was even bigger and curlier.

I am guilty of telling my friend she should have a crack at dying her hair or even just try hair chalks or a wig. I've known her 25 yrs and it has never changed Give or take 3 inches. She has white white skin, and yellow white blonde shoulder length hair. She complains that she is too pail and that her hair is too fine to do anything with. I really want her to try something different but she has lived in fear of the change being terrible and so it has always stayed the same - which would be fine if she enjoyed what she has. She's probably witnessed some of my terrible hair chopping / dying disasters and thought I'm not that stupid.

I remember reading a rather depressing article that said people do have preconceived ideas about curly hair and people generally considered it youthful but unsophisticated. There was an experiment based on appearance alone of pics of similar people one straight one curly haired and who is most likely to get the promotion. Majority chose the straighty. If it's curly it's often not perfectly neat and therefore you're more likely to be considered untidy and unprofessional. You're also more likely to be perceived as having a temper if you're hair is curly. You get called wild or unruly especially if you're also a redhead.

Nuts! Big up the curl!

So I can see exactly what that article was getting at. I will be honest that when I see people with MY hair texture and wearing it like I wear mine most of the time (natural texture, sometimes combed) I do get this preconceieved notion that they might be a bit untidy or unruly. Especially if it's an older person. I think in my brain I am preprogrammed to see people the way that your talking about. The thing is is that when I grew up and moved away from my home town where I was targeted by my peers for my hair I started embracing my natural texture and seeing others for their natural beauty as well. I have had to conciously be like "thats probably how your hair looks to other people". I personally never thought that fluffy, wavy, or curly hair was a bad thing but I was programmed by my social group to see it as not okay.

I think my mother in law doesnt like it when I wear my hair poofy and natural. She and my one sister in law have really curly hair and they keep it super straight, as well as cut above the shoulders. This is all speculation because she hasn't ever said anything to me, but that insecurity still lingers with me as an adult at times.

[01]

Interesting about guys and hair, Kay. I never heard crap about my hair from guys, at least I don't remember. But I heard about other women having problems... Their boyfriends trying to talk them into dying their hair some color they like, mostly. If you like brunettes/blondes/redheads just date one, don't choose person you don't like and try to change her, hmmm...

[MegHan-Solo]

I get told by my mum my hair looks unprofessional and like "I've been dragged through a hedge backwards, so I asked my boss and she said it doesn't cross her mind.
My boyfriend loves what he calls my "poofy hair". When he met me I had let it dry naturally and he asked for my number as soon as he could, three years later he still constantly asks me to let my hair be poofy and said it's one of the things that attracted him to me initially.

[Wumi]

Yes, many of my female coworkers tried to convince me that my hair wasn't straight enough. Whether they thought I should get a relaxer, use a flatiron, or invest in special products to smooth my hair, they made it very clear they didn't view my hair as professional.

Because of their views, many of them treated me with disdain in the workplace. Some were borderline hostile. I have no idea what is so professional about straight hair, but it just doesn't seem practical in any work environment to expect someone to spend hours to get it.

[pili]

My goodness, this thread is sure bringing back some memories. My biggest curly hair critic has always been my mom, who has curlier hair than I do. She has been attempting to straighten my hair, like she does her own, since I was a very small child. She always said things like, "You have such beautiful hair, but it would be prettier if you just let me do the rollo." (that's the technique were the hair is wrapped around the head like a turban to dry "straight" in spanish). She finally stopped asking me to straighten my hair five years ago (gave up). Im 41.

If I had been told I had a "lion's mane" I would have vastly preferred it to being called Medusa. Those same kids also used to throw wads of gum in my hair.

However, my hubby met me when I had my hair in a cinnamon roll bun. He asked me how long it was (he hates short hair.) Now, he loves my hair best when I am just waking up and it is curly, frizzy, and HUGE. The bigger the better as far as he is concerned. If we are home for the night he loves making it pouffier by running his hands through it, and I let him mess it all up because no one appreciates it more than him.

I still get comments about straightening, but my go to reaction is to act completely appalled and horrified and go on and on and on about how horrible it is and how horrible it is to self-damage yourself and how conditioned people are to adhere to Stepford standards, etc…you get the picture. Of course I don't actually care if other people straighten or hold different standards of beauty, but I turn a rather rude and intrusive question back on them and make them feel just how stupid it was to voice it. They usually just shut right up.

And to the original OP, if you could defend your friend, it would be great. Bullies shouldn't be allowed a pass.

[MegHan-Solo]

My mum straightens her hair every day too. It does make me laugh seeing as if you look at her 30 years ago she spent a lot of money repeatedly getting the tightest perm ever!
Wumi, I don't understand why straight hair is seen as professional either. I'm sorry you were treated badly because of it though. :( My doctor has natural curly poofy hair and she's the best doctor I've ever had, and she's already a doctor to begin with, hardly unprofessional. Myself, I'm an engineer, I spend a lot of time in a hard hat anyway, plus even if I do straighten my hair the moment even a bit of misty rain touches it, POOF, it's back to crazy and looks worse than if I'd just let it be curly in the first place.

[Erinliz]

I've had pressure over the years to straighten. I did straighten for my wedding (with heat) and my husband was disappointed because I didn't look like me. He loves my crazy curls and always encourages me to be my natural self. He just finally got me to agree to stop coloring my hair. I love this about him so much. :)

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

The only people that seem to judge me are hair stylists. They always wanna straighten my hair after washing and trimming. Like please stop, get away from me with that damn blow fryer and straightener. Now since I am cone free i only let them trim, if i let anyone touch my hair at all. Since I usually trim myself now.