How to make peace with your hair?

[Prettypolly]

Hi everyone, I've not been around for a very long time!

I was wondering if anyone had any insight or tips for making peace with your hair when you still feel like you are fighting it all the time??

My hair is just past shoulder length now, I don't think I want to grow it longer at the moment as it just ends up tied up anyway and it's harder to wash.

I basically tie my hair up every day because I hate how it feels when it falls in my face. I have such a low hairline that my hair can't stay back away from my face on its own.

It is still thick and still wavy/curly in a really stubborn way.

If I want it to look nice I have to work at it, which just isn't do-able every day with a nearly 1 yr old.

So every day I just tie my hair up in a bun or similar and pin back the front and I hate how it looks.

I wish I had hair that was just "there" quietly!!

I know if I had the time and the inclination I'd style my hair every day and wear it wild and curly which is its natural state but unfortunately this does not match my personality so I'm struggling with that.

Sorry this is a bit rambly, needed to get it off my chest a bit.

[Alissalocks]

Caring for your hair while taking care of a wee one is challenging, I can remember not giving a hoot I was often so tired or emotionally worn out. I also default to quick ponytails too, but maybe a new braid style is a good in between? Not too much work to create, but more than just a ponytail or loose?

Can you name three things you love about your hair? Sometimes I just need to turn my thinking around, maybe that can help you too? :blossom:

[Mrstran]

You sound like me.
So here's the thing. I have a 3 year old and a 2 year old with extremely high energy. Both are in the fearsome 3's / terrible 2's and I am with them 24/7. My hubby works 2 jobs so if he isn't sleeping then he is at work. To top it off, I take medications that cause me to fatigue easily.

But I'll tell you this. If I was a working mother of 1, I'd be in the exact same place when it comes to exhaustion. Because that is what we both do. We are working moms. So I understand the struggle.

I'd love to just have my hair fall pretty from a tie every morning with little effort, and that's what I'm working toward. Right now mine is also short (CBL), waves but not curly, and I can't really do anything with it but tie it up because it's just horrid looking down.

This hair growing thing requires so much patients (something I admit I don't have) but we don't really have a choice either if we want it to get easier.

My hair is a pita to style and I don't have time for it anyway. So I don't bother. If it were longer I could let it down, comb, run some serum through it and go, but it's not long. So I really have no choice but to tie it up and wait for it to grow. The longer it gets the easier it will be as far as pretty styling goes.

Also I figure. By the time my hair is at my hips, my children will be a little more independent. This should give me at least a little more time in the day for my hair.

I can't stand how my hair looks right now, I hate keeping it up, and I can't do anything with it. BUT it's the pay off at the end I'm working toward. Keep excited and keep your goals fresh in your mind.

I wish I could show you how I track my hair growth, my notes and pictures and such. I do this to keep it fun. I even have a few inspirational pics.



what I'm trying to say is maybe look forward a bit more. Keep track of your progress and make it fun. I know keeping hair up or un- styled is no fun. Trust me I do. But it's not forever.

[lapushka]

Have you ever had it longer than this? Was it easier? If so, the answer is easy. If not, then this length would seem the best option for you. Or, around this length.

[missmelaniem]

Prettypollly what about just maintaining until you feel like you're in a better place for your hair care. I'm not sure where your heart stands in wanting it longer or not, but if you do still want to grow it why not make the extra care it will take your "me" time?

Your hair seems like a good candidate for moisture/oiling and then braiding it ... maybe washing a couple of times a week?

I use bobby pins or clips to keep the front of my hair back. I'm sure the ladies/guys here on LHC have lots of great ideas for that as well.

[Zebra Fish]

I don't have kids or wavy/curly hair, so can't help there, but maybe just to twist and clip? And bobby pins for the front escapees. It's fast and easy.

[Anya15]

Wavy-curly hair can be a challenge , until you have the right routine figured out.

I used to have awful tangles (post wash I would take half an hour just to detangle!) Now I hardly get a few.

You can check out the wavy threads here for some tips. :)

http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=369
http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=31563

[Chromis]

I think shoulder is a very difficult length and often tricky to grow from. Not long enough to put back easily, but still short enough to be in your way. My advice is to put it back as best you can (peacock twists look really nice with curly hair and would still feel very neat and are super fast to do) and let it grow. By the time you need new styles, you should have a lot more options.

The more you wear it down, the more chances to tangle it has, which is not only damaging but also time consuming to deal with. Plus that is more times for it to be annoying you by getting in your face if you are like me: Hair! In my face! Hair! In my eyes! Hair! Why am I eating my hair?! Gah!

One of the biggest things I love about having long hair is that it is so much easier to keep it out of my way. Otherwise I would have to constantly be shaving my head, but I think this is more fun :laugh:

[spidermom]

My solution isn't for everyone. I cut my hair very short. I did it because it was wash and go easy, not because some unwritten social rule said I had to cut it because I was a mom. I didn't even have to condition or comb it, just jump in the shower and wash, the run gelled fingers through it. DONE!

[Prettypolly]

Wow thank you everyone for the responses, I always knew this was a nice place ��

To the person who asked what I like about my hair... I suppose I like the colour? I also like how it looks when I put the effort in.

I really am terrible with my hair at the moment, it's currently in a messy bun on top of my head hiding matts from head massages (I am a bit addicted to having my head massaged by OH lol and it tangles REALLY bad at the roots). I feel so embarrassed admitting this!

I've had my hair long a few times, never past tail bone and I always end up cutting it back to around shoulder as I get bored of it. Yet when I cut it back I don't do anything different with it!! Argh.

Perhaps I need to start some kind of "be nice to my hair" routine in the evening?? Just so I'm at least being nice to my hair ugh.

At the moment my goal is not really length although I do love long hair I don't have the confidence to wear it. My goal is just healthier hair.

I found a hairdresser a few months ago who was really helpful and showed me a way to style my hair but then my son just yanked at it and I got so fed up with that i tied it up lol.

I need to work out a way to deal with the front part of my hair...!! I tried a couple different types of fringe (US: bangs) but ended up hating them so I just pin it back now which doesn't suit my face!

[missmelaniem]

First order of the day should be to remove the mats before they get worse.

[DweamGoiL]

When I had my youngest daughter in 2004, my hair was TBL and had been for a few years. Once I gave birth, I opted to breastfeed and my husband was the one working. I found it difficult to even find time to take a shower regularly much less wash thick long wavy hair and let it air dry. I cut it to CBL into a cute little bob. I didn't grow out my hair again until about maybe 4 years ago or so. I mean I would neglect it and it would always get to around BSL and then I would cut it back to around shoulder or so and then repeat. Do what feels good for you and you can live with. It's really challenging to fixate on hair when you have young children *hugz*

[Flipgirl24]

What about getting it cut like Meg Ryan? It is curly yet has shape that doesn't get in your face. And it's not really short.

[Prettypolly]

First order of the day should be to remove the mats before they get worse.

Definitely. I actually end up doing this a couple times a month, I'm ashamed to say, and it takes ages.

Flipgirl my hair is thicker than Meg Ryan's and would likely look too "big" in a short cut like that. Oh how I long for thinner hair!! But the grass is always greener on the other side.

I'm a bit scared of getting my hair cut short in general as the shorter it is the bigger it is, and I sort of want my hair to fade into the background...which is not what my hair wants to do!! It looks thinner when it's longer as it gets weighed down but I never made time to make it look nice then either.

[Apolli]

Wow thank you everyone for the responses, I always knew this was a nice place ��

To the person who asked what I like about my hair... I suppose I like the colour? I also like how it looks when I put the effort in.

I really am terrible with my hair at the moment, it's currently in a messy bun on top of my head hiding matts from head massages (I am a bit addicted to having my head massaged by OH lol and it tangles REALLY bad at the roots). I feel so embarrassed admitting this!

I've had my hair long a few times, never past tail bone and I always end up cutting it back to around shoulder as I get bored of it. Yet when I cut it back I don't do anything different with it!! Argh.

Perhaps I need to start some kind of "be nice to my hair" routine in the evening?? Just so I'm at least being nice to my hair ugh.

At the moment my goal is not really length although I do love long hair I don't have the confidence to wear it. My goal is just healthier hair.

I found a hairdresser a few months ago who was really helpful and showed me a way to style my hair but then my son just yanked at it and I got so fed up with that i tied it up lol.

I need to work out a way to deal with the front part of my hair...!! I tried a couple different types of fringe (US: bangs) but ended up hating them so I just pin it back now which doesn't suit my face!

My hair has a tendency to mat at the roots too, because my sheds stay in the curl clumps and don't escape it (so the bulb end mingles with the rest. I usually prioritise removing whayever shed hairs when I can in a reasonable time i.e before a shower). It's normal so don't feel ashamed! You also sound like you're dealing with a lot too so its OK to give yourself a break regarding your hair every once in a while, Hair can wait :) I also second trying a few braids if you're tired of buns or ponytails. best of luck with everything.

[Alex Lou]

I understand the desire for thinner hair. Mine is thick and wiry, so when I've had short cuts, it requires styling.

My son is 1 and super active, so I don't have much time to be creative either. I just put my hair up in a bun every day for work. I only wash it at weekly or every other week intervals. Then my clients say, "Your hair looks so pretty like that" or even "You're so pretty" and I just have to laugh because my hair is dirty and I have no make-up on.

Who has time for hair, right? There are more important things in life. The one most beneficial thing for me though, is a thorough brush before I go to bed to remove shed hairs and exfoliate the scalp.

[Prettypolly]

My hair has a tendency to mat at the roots too, because my sheds stay in the curl clumps and don't escape it (so the bulb end mingles with the rest. I usually prioritise removing whayever shed hairs when I can in a reasonable time i.e before a shower). It's normal so don't feel ashamed! You also sound like you're dealing with a lot too so its OK to give yourself a break regarding your hair every once in a while, Hair can wait :) I also second trying a few braids if you're tired of buns or ponytails. best of luck with everything.

Oh this makes sense! I don't brush my hair except for when I am about to wash it which is once a week or so. So I've got a ton of dead hair in there getting matted - yuck.

I have just brushed all the matts out and taken a picture to see if anyone has any tips on how to style my front? I would be very grateful :) This is how my hair falls if I just let it do its own thing and as you can see it's over half my face. Looking at this picture I have a feeling my parting might be all wrong and not helping at all. I don't want a middle parting though as it doesn't look nice on me! Maybe a less severe side parting? If I try a fringe/bangs again, how can I deal with the fact they curl every which way if I don't find time to straighten them every day?

http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j35/quackyquack/Hair/IMG_20161114_113639_zps5gnbggvz.jpg

Thank you everyone for the help so far!

[missmelaniem]

Your hair is gorgeous. Looks like it needs moisture and oiling. You could probably keep your hair lightly oiled without it looking like it has oil on it. Is this something you'd consider or have done in the past? It would help with the mats

[Prettypolly]

Thank you missmelaniem :) and yes it does need moisture at the moment, since having my son I've pretty much just done shampoo and condition - shocking I know. I really need to get back to looking after my hair :( I have tried oiling in the past, it gave nice results, so there's really no reason not to try it again!

[hanne jensen]

Prettypolly, you have beautiful hair. May I suggest inverted braided bun, I call it the Madora Bun as Madora posted about how to do it. All you do is tilt your head forward, brush or comb your hair into a high pony. Put in an elastic, I use the bobble ones. Braid your hair. Remove the elastic while holding the end of your braid. Make a bun. Secure with U shaped hairpins. Kinks and poofs can be tamed with small hair clippies. So can flyaways. This bun is comfy enough to wear for days at a time. Just move your hairpins a few millimeters each morning and refasten flyaways with hairclippies. It sounds complicated when I write these instructions, but this updo takes under 5 minutes to make and less than 30 seconds to maintain every morning. When you finally have a few minutes to take your hair down you can massage your scalp and a good comb out to remove shed hairs.

This updo is wonderful for thick hair. Your hair is long enough to pull it off. If you have hairs that flap out of your braid you can put on one of those thin nylon hair nets that are very cheap. The kind Great Grandma used to wear. These are in style again.

[Anya15]

You have lovely hair. Somewhat similar to mine, except yours is a tad curlier. That mane looks like it's thirsting for moisture! Do check out the threads on oiling, LOC method etc :D

[Rowdy]

My hair falls in my face just like that so I keep a somewhat heavy face frame layer that starts at my chin. Without it I can't wear my hair down unless I pin back the top. I've also come to really like little accent braids. They keep that face covering section back and it looks cute with the rest of my hair down :)

[lapushka]

I have just brushed all the matts out and taken a picture to see if anyone has any tips on how to style my front? I would be very grateful :) This is how my hair falls if I just let it do its own thing and as you can see it's over half my face. Looking at this picture I have a feeling my parting might be all wrong and not helping at all. I don't want a middle parting though as it doesn't look nice on me! Maybe a less severe side parting? If I try a fringe/bangs again, how can I deal with the fact they curl every which way if I don't find time to straighten them every day?

http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j35/quackyquack/Hair/IMG_20161114_113639_zps5gnbggvz.jpg

Well it's difficult to say, because this is all brushed out. We'd have to see how it falls when you wear it out curly and full 2c/3a.

[höpönasu]

Forgetting ny hair for about a year made a big difference. No mire fussing with hair treatments and "oh I can never have it loose because of damage" and all that. I made a comeback to LHC community because I recently felt ready to start the growth process again and this time no fuss!

[Prettypolly]

My hair falls in my face just like that so I keep a somewhat heavy face frame layer that starts at my chin. Without it I can't wear my hair down unless I pin back the top. I've also come to really like little accent braids. They keep that face covering section back and it looks cute with the rest of my hair down :)

Do you have any pictures o fyour face framing layers?

[Prettypolly]

Well it's difficult to say, because this is all brushed out. We'd have to see how it falls when you wear it out curly and full 2c/3a.

Yeah I get what you mean... it does look quite different brushed out. Not sure when I'm going to have time to "do it curly" though. Those front pieces don't have kinks like the underneath piece so can go very straight with just brushing. The underneath has kinks where the curls are and won't brush straight.

[Prettypolly]

You have lovely hair. Somewhat similar to mine, except yours is a tad curlier. That mane looks like it's thirsting for moisture! Do check out the threads on oiling, LOC method etc :D

Just reading about the LOC method now, sounds interesting!

[Tassledown]

Your hair looks like mine used to. It's gotten much much easier to style and forget about the longer it gets, so I'd definitely not say you should despair of being able to get away with it long with a small child!

My hair care regime, if you want to compare to another 2C/3A, is:
CO-wash (sometimes leave-in, sometimes wash-out) once a week,
hair oil to contain/style frizzies into deliberate looking curls.

If I get my hair messed up mid-week, I'll fingercomb it dry and braid it until it's time to wash it properly. I only ever use a comb when my hair is conditioned, but prefer to fingercomb if I have the energy then too.

The hairstyles I do most often are:

Pinned buns - braided or not. I'm not sure how much braided length you have, but now that my hair is waist length, it stays in really well that way and takes me about five minutes to do and one to redo if things start to slip. I use the u-shaped pins to keep it in, but a scrunchy is just as good.

Dutch braids - If I anticipate I'm going to be really busy or tired in the next few days, I'll do two dutch braids and ignore them for three or four days. If the hair at the front starts to come out, you can either oil it back so it turns into romantic curls or apply a headband, or look into hair-taping - that tends to trap flyaways against the braid for me (with a half inch ribbon) and can make it last a whole week. French braids are similar but I find my hair escapes them much more quickly.

Headscarves - snoods, tichel-style are what I lived in when my hair was above BSL tbh. I really hated how big it was, how much I had to deal with, and the flyaways didn't look romantic without a nice bun to go with them. I could just slap on a wide headband, wrap a scarf around it and tuck it around the bun, and go - or stuff it in a snood. Obviously it carries with it its own stress and look issues, but it worked perfectly for letting me forget about my hair until I reached a length where the things I wanted to do with it were actually possible. Plus side: I have almost no split ends after four years growth.

I hope some of my suggestions help and I'm sorry I don't have more photos posted. I have fatigue-related disability issues, so figuring out the interface hasn't been a priority yet.

[Rowdy]

Do you have any pictures o fyour face framing layers?

I don't have any to post at the moment but I used this video to cut mine :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xxo52YtWQvw

[Prettypolly]

Thanks! I had a look and not sure if it would work for me, her hair is quite thin and doesn't seem to fall forward as much? Her hair manages to stay at the sides where she puts it - I don't know how people get their hair to do that! I think I just have a lot of hair at the front/top of my head.

I think I might go back to my hairdresser and ask her if she can cut the front in such a way that there is less bulk!