Encouragement/advice/stories/something?!

[kallarina]

(Scroll to bottom for update! I didn't want to start a new thread)

Hello all.
I've been a member for 4.5 years here at LHC, and while I've done a good bit of lurking, very very rarely do I post. I've been quite content to go with the benign neglect routine with my hair, and it's currently about two inches or so shy of knee.
However, I've got a 10 month old daughter, and I am 4 months pregnant with baby #2, and have found myself fantasizing for months about cutting and coloring.
I can't wear my hair down. Ever. Not even in a braid, it's just too much of a hassle for me. It's just too long. For so long, I was content with that, but finding myself about to be a mother of two kids under 2, I'm starting to feel pretty drab with my daily bun. I also haven't colored my hair in over 5 years, so the ends of my hair still have some old color, but to around hip length or maybe a bit longer is all my natural hair.
I just keep imagining putting a bunch of blonde highlights through my hair, so it's much lighter and cutting to about tailbone or maybe even classic. I guess the cut wouldn't be so drastic, but the color would be throwing away all the time I spent growing out my natural hair. The truth is, I've always ALWAYS longed for blonde hair, but I'm not sure if I'm feeling this way right now in particular because of all the changes happening in my life, or if this is something I should seriously consider persuing.
By the way, I'm WAY past the two week wait, I've been contemplating this for the last couple of months.
I guess I'm looking for others who have felt this way, and either gone through with it or chosen not to go through with it, and what the outcome was for you. I know I won't know how I'll feel unless I actually do it, but it would be awesome if anyone who has been there would share their story with me.
Thanks for letting me rant, thanks in advance for any answers, and thanks for always being here when I'm being crazy about hair. I Love LHC <

***UPDATE!!!!!***
Here is my update!
I DID IT!!!!!

Ten inches cut off, and blonde "balayage" (even though I think she went a little more for just highlights, I like it either way).

It was scary. It was nervewracking. But I am SO HAPPY I went through with it. Without further ado, pictures, because no one is here for my words.

http://i1251.photobucket.com/albums/hh555/kallarina_rose/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1093_zpsmd0uxcwf.jpg (http://s1251.photobucket.com/user/kallarina_rose/media/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1093_zpsmd0uxcwf.jpg.html)
This is a "before" picture. It was *just barely* knee length. My virgin hair is to around tailbone length.

http://i1251.photobucket.com/albums/hh555/kallarina_rose/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1099_zpsuimhhhga.jpg (http://s1251.photobucket.com/user/kallarina_rose/media/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1099_zpsuimhhhga.jpg.html)
Another "before" picture. It looks slightly longer than knee length because of the angle. It wasn't really.

http://i1251.photobucket.com/albums/hh555/kallarina_rose/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1117_zps3cvqgpfw.jpg (http://s1251.photobucket.com/user/kallarina_rose/media/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1117_zps3cvqgpfw.jpg.html)
A picture of my "before" braid.

http://i1251.photobucket.com/albums/hh555/kallarina_rose/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1111_zpswsinfepj.jpg (http://s1251.photobucket.com/user/kallarina_rose/media/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1111_zpswsinfepj.jpg.html)
Side view of the braid, and a little peek at the baby bump. :)

http://i1251.photobucket.com/albums/hh555/kallarina_rose/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1130_zpshirjdpnd.jpg (http://s1251.photobucket.com/user/kallarina_rose/media/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1130_zpshirjdpnd.jpg.html)
And AFTER!!! This was right when I got home, it was still damp, and in some serious need of moisturizing.

http://i1251.photobucket.com/albums/hh555/kallarina_rose/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1137_zpsx2vzuizw.jpg (http://s1251.photobucket.com/user/kallarina_rose/media/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1137_zpsx2vzuizw.jpg.html)
My slightly awful attempt at curling it, I'm extremely out of practice with a curling iron.

http://i1251.photobucket.com/albums/hh555/kallarina_rose/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1156_zpsd8rrilvf.jpg (http://s1251.photobucket.com/user/kallarina_rose/media/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1156_zpsd8rrilvf.jpg.html)
And straightened!

I don't normally use hot tools, and won't make this a habit, but it's been so long since I could have some fun with my hair, so I went for it.
I'm enjoying it so much, I really am so happy I decided to do it. While knee length hair was certainly something I'm glad to have achieved, it had just become impossible to do anything with for me, and the frustration was too much. I don't feel like a frumpy mom anymore, and that's really what I needed. It was pretty dry when I first got it done, but an overnight coconut oiling solved that, and it feels just as good as my virgin hair now.
Thank you all for the advice and encouragement, and thanks for letting me share!

[mizukitty]

If you think you'll be happy with a cut and color, which it really sounds like you will, I would go for it. If you find yourself unhappy with your day to day hair and can't make it work, there's no reason to put up with it just because it took a long time to grow. I think happiness is most important, and going to a good colorist and chopping some off will give you just that. Olaplex can really help prevent a good deal of damage, and you probably know how to give it the TLC it needs, so my advice is to go for it! (classic and hip are still gorgeously long!)

[spidermom]

I know the feeling. I have been agonizing over my hair for the last couple of years, wanting to cut it one day, grow it longer the next. I got it layered so I could have a change but keep the length; that helped for awhile. I also had several inches cut off from time to time.

I had 2 problems with it: I was tired of my frumpy old bun or braid, and I had ever increasing numbers of split ends.

A week ago, I went from tailbone to a little longer than BSL/a little shorter than waist. Next time, I'm going to go shorter (bottom of shoulderblades). Who knows? I might end up with a short haircut one of these days. Or I might decide to grow it out again. It certainly is in better condition, but I'm still finding split ends. I want them gone, every single one of them. I hope I can find a better hair care routine, but if my hair is prone to split at longer lengths, then I'll keep it at shorter lengths. That's how I'm thinking right now, anyway.

My thought for you is if this is really nagging at you - do it! Doing something just for yourself is really important when you spend so much time giving-giving-giving as wife and mother.

[Deborah]

You have such beautiful dark hair! It would be a shame to harm it with dyes or bleach. What if you cut back to classic or hip, and see if that is enough change? Your hair would feel lighter and swingy. You would have wonderful fresh ends, and could probably put it in some different updos or braids due to less length.

That's my advice - leave the color wonderful as it is, and just change the length.

Best of luck with whatever you decide! :flower:

[lapushka]

Blonde is a lot of maintenance, and going in for color. Especially highlights. Are you sure you'll find the time with 2 kids? I doubt it. I might take it one step at a time. First cut a bit off of your hair. Then if things are still itching, go for the color. Maybe cut back to mid-thigh first. Or classic. Then see...

[hayheadsbird]

What about baylage instead of traditional highlights? Easier to grow out if you decide to.

[LillithTheFirst]

I would suggest going for the cut to hip/classic length first then after a while think about the blonde. Maybe get your ends done in more ombre style so its easy to grow out and so you can see how you like it before committing to blonde at the roots and the maintenance you'll need regularly to maintain the colour.

[OhSuzi]

I take it the reason you have to wear it up is because you have (going to have more) small children. So there’s little time for looking after you and its more practical to keep it up out the way.

I have never had really long hair or children, so I might be talking rubbish but I imagine once they are at pre school / school you could get a little time to yourself and it might be easier to look after really long hair. That’s in 3- 5 years ish right – so if you cut your
hair now, it could grow long again (if you so desired) by the time they were at school?

I guess if your hair has been long for a long time you might wanna cut it in increments – you can always change your mind and say hmm nope stop here at classic! But once its chopped into a pixie, that’s not gonna grow back so fast.

Whilst bleaching and dying is damaging, doing it as a one off to virgin hair is not the end of the world. If you go to a good hair dresser it shouldn’t do that much damage, it’s more constant over processing & repeated bleaching that’s gonna kill it. If you have highlights and they grow out & you’re worried you won’t have the time/money to repeatedly get it done – meh let the highlights grow out, or dye them once back to your natural colour. Or save a little money & one day a month / every two months where you go this is me time & I’m getting my hair done. And as someone suggested you could always just get the ends coloured then chop em off if they get too damaged / they’ll grow out quicker.

At the end of the day it’s only hair. Hair grows.

Some of my girlfriends who have all started having kids have said similar things about feeling drab & feel like they are becoming only a parent here to do nothing but parenting rather than being their own person, and their confidence has gone a bit. So perhaps a makeover, changing up your hair and being pampered a bit and being noticed & complimented on the new you will do you the world of good.

ETA:

Also I don't know if this has any effect at all or if this is just people being over cautious but a lot of people wont bleach / dye their hair during pregnancy / breast feeding. So maybe get the hair cut first for a treat, and for practicality wait until your situation settles a bit & you don't have so many hormones flying around that may be influencing your decisions then if you still fancy it do in for the dying / highlighting so you have another treat thats about just you to look forward to.

[hanne jensen]

I'd cut in small increments but avoid coloring and perms while pregnant. Best case scenario is you risk a really strange color. Worst case scenario is it will harm your baby.

[Cg]

I've been at your length several times in my life and cut to pixie. Did not regret, and in any case you can always regrow it long after your babies require less of your time.

Since you've thought about this for some time, it isn't a rash decision. Do what you want to do, always realizing you can do something different later.

[kallarina]

Thank you so much for all of the replies! After posting last night, thinking it over and talking with my sister as well, I think I am going to go for a cut to classic, then perhaps to tailbone if it's still not what I would like. I could definitely use the fresh ends regardless of everything else! A cut to classic would take off around 8 inches.
I'm going to wait a bit longer on the color, as a few have suggested. I hadn't really thought about the possibility of it not being good for the baby, since I've heard of plenty of pregnant women getting their hair colored, most recently my boss, but I would need to have that conversation with my doctor before I would feel at all comfortable with it now that it's on my mind.
Part of the issue of always wearing my hair up is because of having a baby, yes. My daughter just loves getting her fingers tangled in it, but she tends to leave braids alone. At nearly knee length, my braid is simply still too long for me, though. And I absolutely cannot wear it down at work, as it is much too long for that also. If I could at least wear it in some braids or something, I might feel a little better about it. I guess the desire for color has more to do with the fact that I know I will still wear it up quite a bit, and no one else will notice it has changed. As I said before, I've desired blonde hair for years, but perhaps I should spend a little more time thinking about that, as it is quite a bigger commitment.
Thanks again for all the support, you are all so wonderful!

[kidari]

I wish I was in your situation... knee length and mostly virgin hair! However... I stopped trying to grow to my ultimate goal of tailbone 3-4 years ago. I am very happy at BSL with layers and I color it myself. It was red for 2-3 years and this summer I went blonde. I am the happiest I've ever been with my hair. The added bonus is that I don't need to pay anyone to do it; I do it all myself. I don't have any kids yet but I am going to start trying in 1-2 years. That is why I went blonde, because it's less maintenance than red for me. I plan on smudging the roots to blend it out and then let my natural grow and try to grow it as long as possible. I doubt I can grow to knee like you but I wish!! Maybe one day. At the end of the day it's your hair and you should do whatever you want with it. The cut sounds like it would be liberating. Later when you color you might love it or you might hate and regret it. But the bottom line is you should do whatever you want to do with it.

[spidermom]

You could also, when it's safe, have a little highlighting done around your face.

[Phanaferous]

This is a bit off topic, but your story reminded me of what I did with my hair when my son was a toddler.

Most of the time it was up or in a braid; I taught him that he could hold the braid and look at it, but not to pull on it. He'd sometimes wander into the bathroom when I had it down before or after my shower, brushing or combing it out. I hold my head to the side a bit so it makes a kind of curtain-- he would squeal and laugh as he ran through the hair curtain, circled around me and did it again and again.

This summer I visited my sister, and her youngest is 3. She had never seen anyone with long hair, so of course I looked like Rapunzel to her. The first time I took down my bun for her, she got this huge smile on her face and tentatively touched the ends, then just buried her face in it. It was the absolute cutest thing ever!!

They aren't small for very long; before you know it they'll be off to school and you'll have the opportunity to wear it down more often.

[Flipgirl24]

Thank you so much for all of the replies! After posting last night, thinking it over and talking with my sister as well, I think I am going to go for a cut to classic, then perhaps to tailbone if it's still not what I would like. I could definitely use the fresh ends regardless of everything else! A cut to classic would take off around 8 inches.
I'm going to wait a bit longer on the color, as a few have suggested. I hadn't really thought about the possibility of it not being good for the baby, since I've heard of plenty of pregnant women getting their hair colored, most recently my boss, but I would need to have that conversation with my doctor before I would feel at all comfortable with it now that it's on my mind.
Part of the issue of always wearing my hair up is because of having a baby, yes. My daughter just loves getting her fingers tangled in it, but she tends to leave braids alone. At nearly knee length, my braid is simply still too long for me, though. And I absolutely cannot wear it down at work, as it is much too long for that also. If I could at least wear it in some braids or something, I might feel a little better about it. I guess the desire for color has more to do with the fact that I know I will still wear it up quite a bit, and no one else will notice it has changed. As I said before, I've desired blonde hair for years, but perhaps I should spend a little more time thinking about that, as it is quite a bigger commitment.
Thanks again for all the support, you are all so wonderful!

Just a suggestion, could you donate those 8 inches to a charity that makes wigs for kids or women with cancer? Some charities will take any length. No judgement if you decide not to. Just a suggestion.

[kallarina]

Phanaferous, you make a great point. Time truly flies by with children, I can't believe my daughter is almost one. I know the day will come all too soon when it would be okay to wear down again, regardless of anything else. I guess I just feel that I'm in a place where change is necessary for me, and I dont think I would regret it.
Flipgirl24, I would love to donate, but unfortunately the bottom 8-10 inches of my hair are the remains of really old dye/bleach, and I was under the impression that most places won't take that kind of hair? It's not in horrible condition, although probably a little thin, so I don't even know if there is a whole lot of hair there. I should probably look into it though.
I'm setting the appointment to get the cut, and of course will update here when it's done. I have a doctor appointment next week, and will ask them about coloring, and if I get my doctor's okay, I'm going to go for that too. The more I think about it, the more I just need the change.

[kallarina]

Just wanted y'all to see the update! :)

[Entangled]

Phanaferous, you make a great point. Time truly flies by with children, I can't believe my daughter is almost one. I know the day will come all too soon when it would be okay to wear down again, regardless of anything else. I guess I just feel that I'm in a place where change is necessary for me, and I dont think I would regret it.
Flipgirl24, I would love to donate, but unfortunately the bottom 8-10 inches of my hair are the remains of really old dye/bleach, and I was under the impression that most places won't take that kind of hair? It's not in horrible condition, although probably a little thin, so I don't even know if there is a whole lot of hair there. I should probably look into it though.
I'm setting the appointment to get the cut, and of course will update here when it's done. I have a doctor appointment next week, and will ask them about coloring, and if I get my doctor's okay, I'm going to go for that too. The more I think about it, the more I just need the change.

You're right that many don't; if you do donate, do a bit of research. LoL definitely won't take it, but pantene beautiful lengths does. Also, make sure the hair is dry and contained, otherwise it will get thrown straight away.
Enjoy your change!

ETA: just saw the pictures.
It looks wonderful!

[Annalouise]

OMG! I would kill for knee length hair! :hatchet:
Your hair is so beautiful! I understand that you wanted a change. But if it was me I would have gone for FLOOR length!...:p
Your hair is still beautiful though, just a bit shorter. :flower:

[ReadingRenee]

I love your hair! It looks so pretty and I love the highlights/baylage. I think they look really good. I actually really like that length and color on you. I'm glad you went for it and that you are happy with the results. :)

[littlestarface]

Awww cute belly! Your pikachu shirt is sooooo cute! I want one too!

[turtlelover]

Your hair is gorgeous.....it really turned out great! :-)

[Llama]

It looks pretty but you really aren't supposed to use bleach on your hair while pregnant! I hope there are no ill effects with the baby.

[Monsterkitti]

It looks lovely! glad you ended up with something your happy with! :)

[kallarina]

Thank you all for your kind words! I really am so happy I did it. I might go for growing it super long again, but I'm ready to enjoy this length and how manageable it is with two little kids for awhile. I mean, floor length has always been a dream of mine, maybe someday...just not today. :)

[kallarina]

It looks pretty but you really aren't supposed to use bleach on your hair while pregnant! I hope there are no ill effects with the baby.



I did clear the use of chemicals with my doctor before going ahead with this! She knew exactly what my plan was, what I would be doing, and the fact that I was using bleach. She was not concerned in the slightest, and said it would absolutely not harm my baby, especially since I am only going once through my entire pregnancy. I do appreciate your concern, but my wee one will be just fine. :)

[Johannah]

It looks gorgeous!!

[Upside Down]

I think it looks great!

[Ellethwyn]

Wow! Your hair is gorgeous. It looks great at classic! Congrats on baby number two!

[MidnightMoon]

I like it :D

[lapushka]

Classic length is still long, so that's great! :) It looks lovely!

[mizukitty]

Your hairdresser did an amazing job with the color, it looks beautiful and natural. I'm so glad you're happy. I think that's what counts the most. :flower:

[Llama]

I did clear the use of chemicals with my doctor before going ahead with this! She knew exactly what my plan was, what I would be doing, and the fact that I was using bleach. She was not concerned in the slightest, and said it would absolutely not harm my baby, especially since I am only going once through my entire pregnancy. I do appreciate your concern, but my wee one will be just fine. :)

Things must have changed recently because that was always a huge no-no. It's good you checked with your doctor. Your hair is absolutely gorgeous!

[littlestarface]

Things must have changed recently because that was always a huge no-no. It's good you checked with your doctor.

It must have, because when I was pregnant both times in the 90s Doctors told me no being around dying, bleach or strong chemicals like paint etc..

[Dark40]

(Scroll to bottom for update! I didn't want to start a new thread)

Hello all.
I've been a member for 4.5 years here at LHC, and while I've done a good bit of lurking, very very rarely do I post. I've been quite content to go with the benign neglect routine with my hair, and it's currently about two inches or so shy of knee.
However, I've got a 10 month old daughter, and I am 4 months pregnant with baby #2, and have found myself fantasizing for months about cutting and coloring.
I can't wear my hair down. Ever. Not even in a braid, it's just too much of a hassle for me. It's just too long. For so long, I was content with that, but finding myself about to be a mother of two kids under 2, I'm starting to feel pretty drab with my daily bun. I also haven't colored my hair in over 5 years, so the ends of my hair still have some old color, but to around hip length or maybe a bit longer is all my natural hair.
I just keep imagining putting a bunch of blonde highlights through my hair, so it's much lighter and cutting to about tailbone or maybe even classic. I guess the cut wouldn't be so drastic, but the color would be throwing away all the time I spent growing out my natural hair. The truth is, I've always ALWAYS longed for blonde hair, but I'm not sure if I'm feeling this way right now in particular because of all the changes happening in my life, or if this is something I should seriously consider persuing.
By the way, I'm WAY past the two week wait, I've been contemplating this for the last couple of months.
I guess I'm looking for others who have felt this way, and either gone through with it or chosen not to go through with it, and what the outcome was for you. I know I won't know how I'll feel unless I actually do it, but it would be awesome if anyone who has been there would share their story with me.
Thanks for letting me rant, thanks in advance for any answers, and thanks for always being here when I'm being crazy about hair. I Love LHC <

***UPDATE!!!!!***
Here is my update!
I DID IT!!!!!

Ten inches cut off, and blonde "balayage" (even though I think she went a little more for just highlights, I like it either way).

It was scary. It was nervewracking. But I am SO HAPPY I went through with it. Without further ado, pictures, because no one is here for my words.

http://i1251.photobucket.com/albums/hh555/kallarina_rose/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1093_zpsmd0uxcwf.jpg (http://s1251.photobucket.com/user/kallarina_rose/media/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1093_zpsmd0uxcwf.jpg.html)
This is a "before" picture. It was *just barely* knee length. My virgin hair is to around tailbone length.

http://i1251.photobucket.com/albums/hh555/kallarina_rose/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1099_zpsuimhhhga.jpg (http://s1251.photobucket.com/user/kallarina_rose/media/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1099_zpsuimhhhga.jpg.html)
Another "before" picture. It looks slightly longer than knee length because of the angle. It wasn't really.

http://i1251.photobucket.com/albums/hh555/kallarina_rose/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1117_zps3cvqgpfw.jpg (http://s1251.photobucket.com/user/kallarina_rose/media/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1117_zps3cvqgpfw.jpg.html)
A picture of my "before" braid.

http://i1251.photobucket.com/albums/hh555/kallarina_rose/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1111_zpswsinfepj.jpg (http://s1251.photobucket.com/user/kallarina_rose/media/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1111_zpswsinfepj.jpg.html)
Side view of the braid, and a little peek at the baby bump. :)

http://i1251.photobucket.com/albums/hh555/kallarina_rose/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1130_zpshirjdpnd.jpg (http://s1251.photobucket.com/user/kallarina_rose/media/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1130_zpshirjdpnd.jpg.html)
And AFTER!!! This was right when I got home, it was still damp, and in some serious need of moisturizing.

http://i1251.photobucket.com/albums/hh555/kallarina_rose/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1137_zpsx2vzuizw.jpg (http://s1251.photobucket.com/user/kallarina_rose/media/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1137_zpsx2vzuizw.jpg.html)
My slightly awful attempt at curling it, I'm extremely out of practice with a curling iron.

http://i1251.photobucket.com/albums/hh555/kallarina_rose/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1156_zpsd8rrilvf.jpg (http://s1251.photobucket.com/user/kallarina_rose/media/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_1156_zpsd8rrilvf.jpg.html)
And straightened!

I don't normally use hot tools, and won't make this a habit, but it's been so long since I could have some fun with my hair, so I went for it.
I'm enjoying it so much, I really am so happy I decided to do it. While knee length hair was certainly something I'm glad to have achieved, it had just become impossible to do anything with for me, and the frustration was too much. I don't feel like a frumpy mom anymore, and that's really what I needed. It was pretty dry when I first got it done, but an overnight coconut oiling solved that, and it feels just as good as my virgin hair now.
Thank you all for the advice and encouragement, and thanks for letting me share!

Your hair looks gorgeous!!! I really love the blonde!!! Yes, I've been where you've been as well, and I did do it when I was able to bleach my hair. Even though I am relaxed since that is the way I straighten my curly hair. But the relaxer I use right now I can't use bleach. I can use color or dye but no bleach whatsoever. Or, it will melt away or eat away all of my hair, and I will be bald, and you know that I don't want that to happen. After all of the hard work I have been through to reach BSL!!!!

[hanne jensen]

Your hemline looks much thicker. Beautiful!