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aliceblue
August 29th, 2016, 12:09 PM
Hi LHC, this is my first post... I'm hair depressed (it sounds silly, but it's real), and I don't have anyone else to talk to. I know I should be accepting of and grateful for what I have, but too much of myself esteem is wrapped up in my hair.

Beginning in 2014, I started seeing a hair dresser that convinced me to trim about every two months as I was growing it out from chin length. Every two months, I went in for my .5 inch trim. By early 2016, it was a couple inches past my shoulders, straight and bluntly cut. I liked the length, but the longer it got, the more unkempt looking it became, so I decided to get a long bob to look more polished. The new haircut rested on my shoulders funny, and made my curly nape hairs jut out in all sorts of directions. I hated it.

About a month later, I had tape-in extensions put in a few days before my out of state wedding. The stylist did a terrible job of color matching and blending the extensions in with my own hair. A day after we got to our resort where we were getting married, I visited the resort salon, desperate. The stylist razor cut my ends to help them blend better, but it didn't help much. The day after my wedding, I had the extensions taken out, and had another couple of inches taken off to get rid of the strange uneven razor blended ends.

After two years of growing it out, I'm exactly where I started... but even when it was long, earlier this year, I didn't like it. I didn't like it with long, luxurious extensions. I don't like it now. I just don't like I my hair, no matter what I do, and it really wrecks me to be so obsessed with something I dislike so much. I don't know how to fix this. I'm tired of being disgusted with my appearance all because of stupid hair. :(

samanthaa
August 29th, 2016, 12:27 PM
What is it that you dislike about your hair specifically? I see mention of it being "unkempt" and the ends not looking good, but other than that, what are you unhappy with? The texture, the thickness, the color, etc.?

What are your goals? You said you didn't like the artificial length from the extensions (it sounds like they weren't done well at all), but is it your goal to grow out your real hair long, or do you prefer these shorter cuts? I gather that you hair is at about chin length now (is that correct?). If you're trying to grow it out, it can at this length feel like a long, long journey.

Also, do you have any pictures of your hair that you would be comfortable sharing? I know I started to like my hair a lot more once I started taking better care of it (that cleared up a lot of issues with my biggest complaint: stringiness!), which included experimenting with shampoos and conditioners to find the ones it likes; doing moisture and/or protein treatments; etc.

Johannah
August 29th, 2016, 12:52 PM
Do you have a picture? I'm sure your hair doesn't look so 'bad' like you are saying. Sometimes we just can't look rationally at our own hair! I'm sure this forum will give you a confidence boost (welcome by the way :flower:)

Cheniaa
August 29th, 2016, 01:40 PM
don't be too sad. we all have things we dislike about our hair. like frizz and poofiness or dullness. What really helped MY hair was to rinse my hair in cool water for 5 minutes after i thoroughly shampoo, then a dilute vinegar rinse to follow that.. My hair is glossy and fuuull. There's many, many different solutions on here though.

....I'm very certain you can at least see a little improvement, if you are willing to carefully experiment!! I say carefully because jumping into everything at once can often make stuff worse lol. Keeping some notes about what you're using on your hair and how it's looking afterwards is a good start.

Mirabele
August 29th, 2016, 02:04 PM
It is easy to dislike your own hair. Like many other things in our bodies it may not be perfect or not the way you want it to be. I used to dislike my hair for many years, decades. It took time accept and learn to like it.
What if you stop going to hairdresser and let it grow? Here you can get many ideas and insipration and suggestions about how to care and keep your hair in the best possible way. Welcome to LHC.

lapushka
August 29th, 2016, 03:04 PM
You might love to join the fine/thin hair thread. Lots of styles to look at there and lots of support.
http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=17115

Stay awhile and browse the forum at your ease... and in the mean while, don't do anything drastic to your hair! Never do anything on impulse, that's always a bad decision (that's why we have the 2-week rule here).

Also, you don't need to have your hair trimmed and cut that often. You'll never gain length that way. Hairdressers will just cut your growth (or most of it) right back off. I only trim 3 to 4 x a year, and this is to *maintain* my length. If you want growth, you'll probably want to trim even less than that. Remember, hair only grows on average 6 inches a year! And no hairdresser can cut off minimal amounts!

Anyway, welcome! :D

The Ubiquitous
August 29th, 2016, 03:58 PM
Everyone has something they don't like about themselves. At this time yours is your hair. I'm sad you feel disgusted with your appearance because of your hair. :(
I really don't mean to belittle your feelings, and I say this as someone who was teased throughout school because of my hair but it is only hair. You can change the colour, the style, the cut... but you need to look past it. Your worth is not tied up in your hair. You could shave it off tomorrow or get your "ideal" hair overnight but it won't change who you are and won't change how people react to you (at least not those who matter).
On a practical note, as others have said above what does your hair currently look/feel like and what do you think it projects about you. Compare that to your ideal hair. What is the difference and is it something you can (or want to) achieve?

MsBubbles
August 29th, 2016, 06:15 PM
I think after you spend about 6-12 months here, you're likely to see a big improvement in the condition and length of your hair. You'll just need a little bit of faith and patience that things will improve. You may find inspiring hair stories with photos, in people's anniversary threads. Many people came across these boards when trying to rehab their hair. There is so much to learn here, but it takes time.

I'm not sure your hair is really long or full enough to know what your thickness/ponytail circumference will be once you've left it alone long enough to grow out some of the damage and layering. Give it some time and 'benign neglect' as it's called here. :)

01
August 31st, 2016, 01:07 AM
Ah, I have the same problem. When in bob my hair are straight and perfect effortlessly. But when they grow out they turn into formless dry poof. I cringe when I look at my old photos where I didn't had to do anything and had flatiron-like hair. After trial and error now I'm able to achieve nice look but it requires some work. If I'll oil heavily, then shampoo it out and don't use condish I get glossy straight hair 1a-1c, depending if I comb while wet post wash or not. So you can have nice hair but you have to style it (in hair-friendly way). Good luck. You can also try conditioner only or herbs to check if you're curly/wavy.

ravenheather
August 31st, 2016, 06:52 AM
Also for 1c/2a hair there are awkward lengths. Without heat styling my hair was awkward from shoulder to apl. I refused to heat style and just put it in a peacock twist everyday. If you want longer hair, just wear it up. It will get better.

pailin
August 31st, 2016, 07:10 AM
One other thought - you've typed yourself as 1c/2a but you might want to post a hairtyping photo. Basically after you wash it, do nothing as it dries- no combing, no manipulation. Then see. A fair percentage of members here find they have more wave than they thought they did, and maybe need to change up how they handle their hair.

Also, I'll second putting it up for a while. Some people's hair always seems great worn down at shoulder length or so, but some people find it just awkward. I find mine got much nicer down as it got longer. Patience and some judicious experimenting to find what your hair really loves will make a big difference.

And I'll also second the not-trimming. I had always gotten mine cut fairly frequently because of splits. But I've finally been figuring out how to get my hair to not split so much. I haven't trimmed for a couple of years, and it's amazing how much longer it gets!

Alissalocks
August 31st, 2016, 07:33 AM
Can you tell me three things that you love about your hair? Maybe besides a shift in hair routine, a shift in perception might help you while it grows? :)

Pantha
September 4th, 2016, 11:37 AM
Can you tell me three things that you love about your hair? Maybe besides a shift in hair routine, a shift in perception might help you while it grows? :)

Alissalocks is right, try and find the good points, us humans are often very self critical, to our own eyes tiny faults that no one else notices are massive issues we just cannot see beyond.
If you have any photos you can post of your hair then we can see what it is you are having issues with and hopefully you can get some good taylored advise.
Also, your not alone, I'm sure everyone here has at least one thing they do not like about their hair, after all the grass is always greener on the other side, I even have friends (not on LHC) who complain their hair is too thick, whilst I wish my hair was thicker and that I didn't have shorter pieces where my hair gets broken off from wearing a hard hat and playing with it when I'm thinking :steam