It finally happened.

[FallingDarkness]

My dad basically told me that I should donate my hair to Locks of Love, and that I was being selfish to keep it all, and that I'm practically just saying "screw you cancer kids you get to suffer and be bald and I get to have all of this gorgeous hair so ha".
Kinda hurt my feelings. I've donated my hair 4 times in my life. I think I've done my part, and I really like my hair, but now I actually feel bad and am considering donating it because in his words I'll "still have plenty of hair left over".
Ugh. How do you lovely people deal with this?! Feeling bummed. D:

[Katrin]

Whenever something like that happens to me, I remind myself of this story: http://www.bartleby.com/17/1/62.html

People can have any opinion they want but it's your hair and it's for you to decide what to do with it.

[Stray_mind]

I don't think you should donate it if you are not willing to, i mean, it is Your hair. You already donated it before so it proves that you are definitely Not selfish about it, but in the end, it is Your hair, Your body and you shouldn't be obligated to give part of it away. Your father is being pretty inconsiderate of your feelings, but don't let it get to you. Stay strong.

[restless]

:bigeyes: Huh? What? Its so bizzare it sounds like a joke. It took me a long time to figure out what to write, the statement is so dumb it made me speechless. It has never happened to me, but Id be furious if anyone dared to tell me what I should or should not do with my own hair.

You should NOT do anything whatsoever with your body or hair that you dont want to do. Do you want to donate that hair? Fine, then do so. But doing it because your dad is trying to shame you into it? No, absolutley not, its out of question. You and your long hair have nothing to do with the cancer children being bald. You and your hair are not to be blamed and should not have to be there to fix it. No. Just no. Enough said.

I dont get to use this emoticon very often, but I feel its time because it sums up how I feel about this: :bs: Im so sorry you have to go through this.

(Out of curiosity: how many times have your dad donated his own hair?)

[lapushka]

Yeah, maybe it's because you're still young and he figures, you're "at that age now" and why not donate it in the mean time. Kind of shows you how LOL marketed themselves in the US. Over here in Europe, you hardly ever hear that as there's no organizations like it.

I'd just ignore it, and next time serve him with a nice reply. "It's none of your business dad, it's my hair."

[Johannah]

Yeah, maybe it's because you're still young and he figures, you're "at that age now" and why not donate it in the mean time. Kind of shows you how LOL marketed themselves in the US. Over here in Europe, you hardly ever hear that as there's no organizations like it.

I'd just ignore it, and next time serve him with a nice reply. "It's none of your business dad, it's my hair."

Exactly this. Or tell him to grow his own hair to donate it. I really cannot stand these stupid comments, especially if you have donated your hair 4 times already!!

[Buddug]

If your father wants to help children with cancer so badly, then why doesn't he grow out his own hair?
Your father makes it sound as if the only reason to have long hair, is to donate it. But it's not. There are so many other reasons for having long hair: having long hair because you love the way it looks and feels is one of them. Please don't cut it off just because your father says so, you'll regret it :( I know it's hard to go against your parents, but they don't have any right to tell you what to do with your hair. And caring about yourself is not selfish, especially if you've donated 4 times already. I wish you lots of strength and wisdom in handeling this issue! *hug*

[AZDesertRose]

My response to that sort of thing, if I don't go on a rant about what a rotten organization Locks of Love is (seriously, look them up with the Better Business Bureau!), is:

"I'm forty years old. I've been a registered organ donor since I got my driver's license at age sixteen, I've been donating blood semi-regularly since I turned eighteen, and a few years ago, I registered as a bone marrow donor. If you think I'm selfish for keeping my hair, you can stick it where the sun don't shine!" :p

Pardon my rudeness, but like calls to like. Your dad is being rude to you (especially in light of your previous hair donations), and honestly, hair doesn't save lives, and Locks of Love provides wigs (at a cost, NOT free) to people with alopecia, not generally cancer patients and almost never children. (Children with cancer have bigger fish to fry than caring for a human hair wig anyway. My grandmother died of leukemia, and she preferred the artificial hair wigs to the human hair wigs because they were WAY lower on maintenance, and when you're going through chemo/radiation, the last thing you want is more work to do!)

[eadwine]

When someone were to ever approach me and say that I will ask: "And how much money have you donated to charity today?"

[Mimha]

FallingDarkness, cutting your hair under pressure and induced guilt will neither cure any kid from cancer nor make you feel better. Nobody should feel entitled to push anyone else into depriving themselves from a body part "because there are unlucky ones in the world". This should be a totally free and personal choice, not due to a coercive attitude from others. Being young, healthy and beautiful when others go bald, are sick or die is not due to you being selfish : it's just part of life, as unfair as it is. If your father really wants to help the kids with cancer (or whoever is in need), he can simply donate his blood or contribute to the research by donating money. And even if he already does so, he should not try to make you feel guilty "because there are miserable ones in the world". Should you make yourself miserable too for them to feel better ?... I mean....

Some people think that hair is "not a big deal" because it is "just hair", it doesn't hurt if you cut it, it grows back, etc. So what about growing out their own if it is such a non-issue ?? You'll quickly realize that they will find all the possible excuses to say they cannot do it, because their hair doesn't grow (what if you stop destroying it day after day with heat and chemicals ?), or because it's too much hassle (what about me coping with the hassle and not deserving having my own beautiful hair as a reward ?), because they don't like long hair (so what if you grow it just to donate anyway ?).

Well... just p***** off by all that recurrent proof of stupid ill faith and hypocrisy.

You know ? If my father told me something like this, I would let my hair grow to floor length and never cut it back again.

[Nique1202]

In addition to letting him grow his own, you could ask if he's donating blood and/or on the bone marrow registry, which are way more helpful than a wig when it comes to saving lives, and these are great options for yourself if you feel guilty about not doing anything! There are much better ways to help out folks with cancer than donating to a society that doesn't even use over 90% of the hair they receive.

[cathair]

From what I remember about your posts, your parents have not been very supportive of your growing out your hair. Do you think perhaps this could be an effort to guilt you into or manipulate you into cutting your hair? Consciously or not. It could be that it's not about helping other people at all, people often have their own motivations.

I hope I don't offend you by saying that. I just thought I'd throw another viewpoint out there. I don't like hearing someone else has made you feel bad about something you've worked hard to look after.

[lithostoic]

F*** off, dad. Grow your own hair if it's SOOO important to you.

[vampyyri]

Show him this article:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/14/locks-of-love-controversy_n_3269078.html

It's most likely not going to get used, and you'd be supporting a company who sells these wigs to kids... and throws out the rest of the hair. Which is why I will never donate.

[Mimha]

From what I remember about your posts, your parents have not been very supportive of your growing out your hair. Do you think perhaps this could be an effort to guilt you into or manipulate you into cutting your hair? Consciously or not. It could be that it's not about helping other people at all, people often have their own motivations.

I hope I don't offend you by saying that. I just thought I'd throw another viewpoint out there. I don't like hearing someone else has made you feel bad about something you've worked hard to look after.

Good point, cathair. Opinion shared here. I frequently notice that when some family member is annoyed by something belonging to me (whatever a personal belonging, a body feature or a success in my life), they would find a way to make me feel bad or guilty about it. The object of the mischief is not important in itself. It's usually just a pretext to spread negativity. All what matters to them is that you care about it. Now that I have understood that it comes from their own frustration, I don't feel upset anymore. On the contrary ! Lol.

[lapushka]

When someone were to ever approach me and say that I will ask: "And how much money have you donated to charity today?"

Good response right there. It always seems to come from people who give a rat's ass about charity.

[calmyogi]

I agree with what someone else said about their mother preferring the synthetic hair to natural hair. I have heard this before. The synthetic hair is easier to care for and actually works better since they have much better materials now.

My dad wouldn't be supportive of me growing out my hair either if he was here to see it so I'm sorry that he's trying to guilt trip you :(

[Sterlyn]

My dad basically told me that I should donate my hair to Locks of Love, and that I was being selfish to keep it all, and that I'm practically just saying "screw you cancer kids you get to suffer and be bald and I get to have all of this gorgeous hair so ha".
Kinda hurt my feelings. I've donated my hair 4 times in my life. I think I've done my part, and I really like my hair, but now I actually feel bad and am considering donating it because in his words I'll "still have plenty of hair left over".
Ugh. How do you lovely people deal with this?! Feeling bummed. D:

Speaking as a parent, I have to say this was a really awful thing to say to someone especially your own child. It's a form of shaming and emotional browbeating, *hugs to you it was a ****ty thing to say, honestly. Why should you feel guilty or bad because you have beautiful hair? Should he or you for that matter feel guilty for having 2 feet if you meet someone with only one?

But going back to a more logical response, I'm not sure that children with cancer will have all their difficulties cured by you cutting off your hair, they have much bigger challenges to face. If your father is afflicted with guilt over the suffering and pain of children with cancer, then possibly he should look into ways that he can channel that into positive action on his part .

And I see someone else mentioned it, I had a friend who's daughter had cancer and lost her hair. She preferred the synthetic wigs to the natural. Said they were more comfortable.

[mermaid lullaby]

:grouphug:

[Kherome]

My dad basically told me that I should donate my hair to Locks of Love, and that I was being selfish to keep it all, and that I'm practically just saying "screw you cancer kids you get to suffer and be bald and I get to have all of this gorgeous hair so ha".
Kinda hurt my feelings. I've donated my hair 4 times in my life. I think I've done my part, and I really like my hair, but now I actually feel bad and am considering donating it because in his words I'll "still have plenty of hair left over".
Ugh. How do you lovely people deal with this?! Feeling bummed. D:

"Hey Dad, mind your own business. My hair isn't your concern. If you're so worried about cancer kids grow your own hair out and bug off."

ETA: I think most people here know that lol sells hair, throws hair away, and charges for wigs. Which doesn't sound like a charity at all to me.

[EdG]

Your dad is clueless.

Just ignore the opinion of someone who is not even qualified to have an opinion.
Ed

[FallingDarkness]

Wow, big hugs to all of you! You DEFINITELY helped me feel better about all of this. It was really rude of my dad to say this, and I know that, but you know my parents really love me a lot and I'm sure that as oblivious that comment was, it didn't come with mean intentions.
I'm not cutting my hair. Not when I'm this close to my current goal length of TBL. Even though after seeing DreamSheep's hair anniversary pics I'm thinking maybe I should grow to classic. Lol. Thank you all again, I don't think I would have had the strength to just blatantly say no to my dad's request without you.

[nekosan]

When someone were to ever approach me and say that I will ask: "And how much money have you donated to charity today?"
Yup. Money is much more useful than hair.

I'm eligible, so I donate blood - also much more useful than hair. Cancer patients often need lots of platelets, which can be donated every three days (U.S., at least). I doubt your dad donates platelets every three days.

[Olavi]

There's not same kind of hair donating culture here in Finland, so I have only once heard about situation where someone was told their hair would make a wonderful wig (and even then it wasn't about donating to children). But as others have already said, it is YOUR hair and YOUR body, not your dad's.

I have never figured out what good would hard to manage real hair wig do to kids with cancer? It definitely won't make cancer magically disappear. Granted, I don't know any kids with cancer, nor do I know kids who lost hair to it (not all cancer treatments mean lost hair), but logically speaking, if kid wants a wig, a nice good quality synthetic wig would be much better option. Donating blood would do much more good and it is actually needed for saving peoples lifes....

[Jadestorm]

My dad basically told me that I should donate my hair to Locks of Love, and that I was being selfish to keep it all, and that I'm practically just saying "screw you cancer kids you get to suffer and be bald and I get to have all of this gorgeous hair so ha".

I used to get random people telling me this in the street sometimes. Luckily never from my own family! Geez! I NEVER understood (and never will) why someone would say something that RIDICULOUS. :crazyq:

Like... What???!!!!! Huh????!!!!! Why???!!!! How???!!! It doesn't...make...any...friggin...sense...whatsoeve r. :confused:

First of all...when people say this, THEY themselves can grow their hair long just as easily and then donate it, if that's what they want to do. Yes, men too! Why don't you tell your dad HE should be ashamed of himself not growing his hair to donate. Ha!

Second... Well, then I guess nobody should have more than a few pairs of clothes and shoes either, because that's just SELFISH, screw those poor people who don't get to have clean clothes and a bunch of different outfits. Right? Go and donate all of the rest right now. Because you're rubbing it into people's faces 'look at me having tons of nice clothes'. I mean, let's just go around and yell that to everyone too, okay?! I mean: It's the exact same thing!

Third... It's none of anyone's business what YOU do with YOUR hair. And no... not even when YOU decide to cut it, because YOU no longer want long hair. If you then still decide to keep your hair in a drawer somewhere, it's still totally your own choice.

Fourth... You even already donated several times!!! That's a lot more than he can say!!!!

Fifth... Don't EVER allow people to guilt trip you into anything. It's wrong and it's emotional blackmail to get you to do what THEY want you to do. Not okay. I'm sorry, I don't want to be mean, but your dad should be ashamed of trying to do so.

[spidermom]

Tell him to spend some time informing himself about Locks of Love, then he can have an opinion.

[trolleypup]

Keep it short. Two words you shouldn't use on TLHC. Especially because it is family. The founding reason why my hair is down to my calves is my Mom.

[Doreen]

What a bunch of BS. You shouldn't feel guilty for not donating! Seriously, hair donation is one of the only charity causes that people feel like they have the right to scold others for not donating to. I'm a blood type O negative, but no one pressures me into donating blood!!! I do it because I want to and feel that it makes a difference.

If he brings it up again, you should talk more about the four times you previously donated. Personally, I just ignore those types of comments now, though I realize it's pretty rough to hear it from a family member. It's my hair and I can do what I want with it; it's not harming anyone else and it's a hobby just like any other. If someone spends lots of time and money working on their car, collecting antiques, gardening, painting, etc, no one really cares that that money isn't going to charity. But spend time and money on growing your hair, you might as well be stealing from sick kids. :shrug: Makes no sense.

Bottom line is, do what you want! But deciding to donate at this point because of pressure sounds like a recipe for regret to me.

[Silverbleed]

[...] and that I was being selfish to keep it all, and that I'm practically just saying "screw you cancer kids you get to suffer and be bald and I get to have all of this gorgeous hair so ha". [...]

This is something I'll never understand, how people use the opposite side as an argument.
Just because I have a cat, doesn't mean I hate dogs.
Just because I enjoy meat, doesn't mean I don't enjoy vegan meals.
And just because I have hair doesn't mean I don't give a crap about those people who've got cancer. That makes zero sense, and is a horrible thing to say.
As if you have to feel bad because you are a healthy person.

How dare you, being healthy :rolleyes:

We all try to bring our own bit of positivity to the world. Some donate blood, others donate for research, some help with free promotion, others help at auctions for a good cause, and some people just try to make another happy. But we all do it in our own way, and what we find important. If we all would donate hair to charity but stop donating blood or money, that would be a disaster.

I'd like to do my own bits for charity, but donating hair isn't one of them.

[lilin]

My dad basically told me that I should donate my hair to Locks of Love, and that I was being selfish to keep it all, and that I'm practically just saying "screw you cancer kids you get to suffer and be bald and I get to have all of this gorgeous hair so ha".
Kinda hurt my feelings. I've donated my hair 4 times in my life. I think I've done my part, and I really like my hair, but now I actually feel bad and am considering donating it because in his words I'll "still have plenty of hair left over".
Ugh. How do you lovely people deal with this?! Feeling bummed. D:

Wow. How insanely rude.

I'd ask him how many time HE'S donated his hair. He's just as capable of growing it as you are. Why's he being selfish and just keeping it all for himself, or cutting off every fresh inch?

Why doesn't he donate his bone marrow to kids with cancer? It'll grow back. And that might actually CURE a kid's cancer, rather than just masking the affects of their treatment.

Beyond the rudeness and entitlement to tell you what to do with your own body, I resent a couple other things about this.

One, that Locks of Love doesn't use most of its hair for wigs for those with illnesses. No one ever likes to talk about because then they don't get to feel morally superior. But second?

Honestly, I resent the notion that people bravely battling one of the most horrific diseases known to man should feel COMPELLED to hide it. Why? Why should they have to hide themselves? Why do we send the message that chemo baldness is a mark of shame?

I really hate that, honestly, and while I think everyone should only do what they're comfortable with and not everyone will be comfortable without a wig and that's ok, I also think we should show more support for people who aren't hiding it rather than sending them this constant, subtle social message that they need to.

After all, the reason some people aren't comfortable without a wig is because society tells them that baldness is ugly, and being in chemo is shameful and other people will pick on them. I hate that. They're not ugly in the slightest. The people who pick on them for being bald are the ugly ones.

I think he should donate his bone marrow if he's so concerned about it, rather than shaming you, and kids with baldness.

[AZDesertRose]

Wow. How insanely rude.

I'd ask him how many time HE'S donated his hair. He's just as capable of growing it as you are. Why's he being selfish and just keeping it all for himself, or cutting off every fresh inch?

Why doesn't he donate his bone marrow to kids with cancer? It'll grow back. And that might actually CURE a kid's cancer, rather than just masking the affects of their treatment.

Beyond the rudeness and entitlement to tell you what to do with your own body, I resent a couple other things about this.

One, that Locks of Love doesn't use most of its hair for wigs for those with illnesses. No one ever likes to talk about because then they don't get to feel morally superior. But second?

Honestly, I resent the notion that people bravely battling one of the most horrific diseases known to man should feel COMPELLED to hide it. Why? Why should they have to hide themselves? Why do we send the message that chemo baldness is a mark of shame?

I really hate that, honestly, and while I think everyone should only do what they're comfortable with and not everyone will be comfortable without a wig and that's ok, I also think we should show more support for people who aren't hiding it rather than sending them this constant, subtle social message that they need to.

After all, the reason some people aren't comfortable without a wig is because society tells them that baldness is ugly, and being in chemo is shameful and other people will pick on them. I hate that. They're not ugly in the slightest. The people who pick on them for being bald are the ugly ones.

I think he should donate his bone marrow if he's so concerned about it, rather than shaming you, and kids with baldness.

I don't think baldness is ugly either, and I totally agree with you that we need to change the cultural discourse around hair loss in general and particularly due to disease treatment, but my grandmother said when she lost her hair to chemo that her head got cold (having inherited her genetic hair traits, I can see that; she had, and my mother and I have, remarkably thick hair; my head would probably be quite cold if there were abruptly no hair there!), and leaving it uncovered (she wore wigs when she left her house and usually a scarf or cloth cap or something similar at home) was actually physically uncomfortable, so there is that aspect as well.

[truepeacenik]

You do know LOL makes hairpieces for children with alopecia, and the permanent form, not from chemo, right?
So tell dad you learned this: Locks of Love does not work with children with cancer. Those kids will grow hair again. Kids with alopecia will not. It's a different shaming they get, along with "do you have cancer?" questions.

Also, tell dad to stop controlling your body. Yes, hair is part of your body.

[Lavendersugar]

Your hair, your body, your choice. It's that simple.
I'm sick of hearing men and pushy women tell others what to do with their body!!
IMO it's disrespectful and it infringes on your personal rights.

They can go grow their hair and do what they want.

You are not being selfish by not donating.
If he won't let up, tell him he needs to give all his money to children's hospitals. It's selfish for him to keep his money while kids suffer. He can always make more money.
You know just going with his mindset. ;)

[RebekahE]

My df loved my long hair and I think it was a little hard for him to see it go the first time I cut it. The second time I did it without telling him and when he finally noticed (men are so unobservant) he didn't say much but I could tell he was upset.
I think my response would be something like, "Why don't you donate a kidney (or some other body part), can you think how those people walking around that need a kidney must feel with you walking around with two healthy kidneys?"

[lilin]

I don't think baldness is ugly either, and I totally agree with you that we need to change the cultural discourse around hair loss in general and particularly due to disease treatment, but my grandmother said when she lost her hair to chemo that her head got cold (having inherited her genetic hair traits, I can see that; she had, and my mother and I have, remarkably thick hair; my head would probably be quite cold if there were abruptly no hair there!), and leaving it uncovered (she wore wigs when she left her house and usually a scarf or cloth cap or something similar at home) was actually physically uncomfortable, so there is that aspect as well.

Oh yeah, it gets chilly! I shaved my head and after 25 years with hair, it's quite a feeling. I've noticed, with guys who've shaved their head for a long time or who have gone bald, their skin on their scalp seems to thicken up a bit in response to the exposure. But mine was weak like baby.

But it's great on a warm summer day, I must say.

[cathair]

You do know LOL makes hairpieces for children with alopecia, and the permanent form, not from chemo, right?
So tell dad you learned this: Locks of Love does not work with children with cancer. Those kids will grow hair again. Kids with alopecia will not. It's a different shaming they get, along with "do you have cancer?" questions.

Also, tell dad to stop controlling your body. Yes, hair is part of your body.

I have to correct you on that. It depends on the form of cancer treatment. Some forms of treatment it will most certainly not grow back.

Not that makes what was said to OP any different.

[kelseyxface]

1. Locks of love is HORRIBLE from what I have heard - they make the kids PAY for the wigs even though they were donated.
2. Find a legit donation place where you can give MONEY to kids for them to buy a wig, synthetic or other wise! Next time he gives you lip about not helping kids with cancer, tell him you just dropped $50 to help a child afford a wig. ;)