Losing passion and not liking my hair

[Chocowalnut]

I was hoping for some help from you guys because I seem to be in a rut for awhile now. A few months ago I got the henna bleached out of my hair while I was growing my natural color out. I also got some of the damage trimmed off. Now I have like a natural to blonde ombre thing.
But most of the time I don't really like the color. And tbh I'm not liking my natural color anymore. I feel like it ages me and it just doesn't seem like a pretty color to me anymore. Besides the color I'm not really happy with my hair in general recently. It just seend to dry out and get frizzy so fast. I think it's from removing the henna as it was nicer before. And it takes so long and it's so hard to detangle in the shower now.
The only time I'm kind of happy with my hair is right after i wash it and it air dries decent, but it's bad to wash hair every day...
So anyways, I have just been depressed about it because I want long soft healthy hair and now I'm feeling like I might never get it. And I thought I knew what I wanted, long natural color, but now I'm not so sure. Can anyone please help me. I love this community and long hair life style.

[Arctic]

If you only have 2 months worth of natural colour, then yes it can look horrible against the dyed hair. Grey and dull and blah. At least that has always been my experience. When your own colour grows longer it will become something completely different, something you can even get a glipse from 2 months long roots. Hang in there! It'll get better! (I think this is two fold issue: first your own colour needs length and being in touch with elements to reveal it's true colour, and secondly artificial colours simply tend to be brighter, more vibrant than natural roots, and this contrast is not flattering to those few cm of natural colour. But with time it'll become an opposite situation, I'm sure!)

Also, washing more often isn't neccessarily bad. I'm at APL and wash about 5 times a week and my hair is doing great. But you might need to change something; your products or washing methods - I'm sure something would help you not to become frustrated with your hair in the shower.

[vampyyri]

Perhaps try a demi dye over the bleached part of your hair to have it better match your roots, so you can get a better idea of what your whole head would like one color. I know when I was growing out bleach I put demis on it for several months before the roots became long enough to create a nice ombre effect.

Hang in there, if what you really want is virgin hair, it's not easy... but we're here for you!
:grouphug:

[Shepherdess]

I agree with Arctic, and I think that vampyyri has a nice suggestion! Keep hanging in there, and I think that giving it a little time to grow out more with the natural color will help! I looked at your album and have to say that I think your hair texture is gorgeous and I am sure it will look beautiful with your natural color too as it grows all out! :) I haven't always been happy with my natural hair color, especially after it darkened with more ashy tones in it after my teen years, though as it has grown out longer, I have also really grown to like the color more and more with my longer hair length. I hope you are able to obtain your goal and everything works out nicely with your hair, sometimes it can be so frustrating growing out!

[Chocowalnut]

Actually I have like 1 1/2 years of natural color grown in. My whole head is natural now just bottom of length is blonde. I guess I don't mind the natural color that much im more unhappy with the blonde on the bottom and how dry and frizzy it gets

Also it depends on the lighting. In some I hate my hair in some it looks good. That drives me nuts

[Obsidian]

Would cutting off the dry bleached ends make it to short for you? That seems like it would be the easiest and fastest way to deal with it.
If that's not a option, maybe a protein treatment followed by deep conditioning would improve the ends.

[Sofialu]

I haven't seen a picture of your natural colour for a while chocowalnut but, from what I can remember of it, I thought it was very pretty. I realise you're not feeling great about it but, as vampyyri suggested, perhaps try putting a demi permanent colour on the dyed parts to match your virgin hair? I did this and it made growing out the dye a breeze. I also got regular trims and conditioned my dry ends a lot so they felt much softer.

[veex]

Try swapping to a co wash conditioner for awhile to see how you like it. Sounds a lot like my problem where it only looked good 2 days after I washed my hair

[pailin]

Also if you're only happy with it right after washing, then maybe washing more frequently is the right thing for you to do. And experiment with ways to get more moisture in. Also protein treatments. Maybe try some new hairstyles too.

[Hypnoteyes]

I have been there! I know exactly those "meh" moments and those of discouragement. Sometimes I get lost in that rut and become impatient and impulsive! One minute I am excited about my progress and then only minutes later I think, "Wow...I am not so far at all! BOO!"
I had A LOT of damage due to using heat too often and not adopting compensating measures. So I would trim off the dead frizzy bits, hacking into my hair like Edward Scissorhands on amphetamines. I have no experience with henna so I can't be of much help there, but as far as fighting those ruts, I put my hair back after washing it and don't toy with it, don't look at or closely examine it, and then I am not tempted and keep the "blah" feelings at bay.
I also remember how far I have come, how much this has meant to me, that patience really is the key (and I am fiercely impatient!) and that if I give in and start cutting, I will instantly regret it. To me, at least, not worth it!
Patience, patience, patience! And when I am feeling impatient, I put it up and tell myself "to touchy, no looky"!
Growing out, as said before, can be woefully frustrating. Try and adopt a bigger picture; what your hair will look like a year from now even! You're in this to win this!

[rmani]

Hi There! I grew out my grey roots in my 30's after 20 years of colouring every 6-8 weeks. It is a very challenging process but it gets better. And the quality of my virgin hair compared to coloured was jaw dropping. My coloured bits were crunch and breaking off whereas my natural is shiny, soft and strong.
I did the same - toned out the coloured part to somewhat match my roots. It was great for the first 8 weeks but I also got sick of it. Personally, I found wet bunning and braiding to be helpful. The ends got a bit healthier and as the virgin hair grows in it gives you a bit of inspiration on a regular basis of how far its coming (a bit less laborious that taking a length photo;) ). I held off on cuts until it was shoulder length and then went for a chop from BSL. Every month it was tempting to colour or cut it but I was adamant it needed to be long enough to somewhat put up. Now living in SL to APL crazy town lol.
The other thing I found helpful was, as this was pre-LHC, I told my family and friends this was my goal. They were really supportive as my roots made it past a little milestone (eg. grey all the way to the braid, half was up the bun, etc...). It was nice to hear their excitement :)
Good luck and we are always here for you whatever you decide :beerchug:

[lapushka]

But most of the time I don't really like the color. And tbh I'm not liking my natural color anymore. I feel like it ages me and it just doesn't seem like a pretty color to me anymore. Besides the color I'm not really happy with my hair in general recently. It just seend to dry out and get frizzy so fast. I think it's from removing the henna as it was nicer before. And it takes so long and it's so hard to detangle in the shower now.
The only time I'm kind of happy with my hair is right after i wash it and it air dries decent, but it's bad to wash hair every day...
So anyways, I have just been depressed about it because I want long soft healthy hair and now I'm feeling like I might never get it. And I thought I knew what I wanted, long natural color, but now I'm not so sure. Can anyone please help me. I love this community and long hair life style.

Maybe it's just that it was all bleached out a while ago that is doing this to you. Maybe baby your hair with a nice protein treatment, and try not to think about the color too much. Maybe microtrimming is the answer?

[spidermom]

A lot of us have at least two impulses warring against each other. Mine is cutting back far enough to get behind the majority of the split ends. I get so many of them! But I've cut back often enough to know that it's not going to help; my ends are going to split again.

Sometimes there are just too many tempting options! Growing your hair out takes patience and persistence. Hang in there. It's good practice for accomplishing other goals in your life.

[Upside Down]

I have to ask, what was the reason for quitting coloring / henna and growing out natural?

If you are happier hennaed, I don't see why you shouldn't henna, or color for that matter. In the end, is it not about being happy with your hair?

[Chocowalnut]

Thanks for your replies everyone. I have been microtrimming as it's what seems to work right now, and yeah the bleach took away the nice healthy ends. I stopped henna-ing because the color got too dull, like a brown more than red, and too dark. I also wanted to see what my natural color looked like as I had been dying for as long as I can remember. I do really miss the shine and thickness henna gave me. I would consider doing it again someday tbh. Right now, my natural hair color can look good to me on same days and in certain lighting, other times not so much. I will just stay patient and stop doing stuff to it for awhile and let it grow.

[lithostoic]

Sounds like your hair needs protein.

[vampyyri]

Thanks for your replies everyone. I have been microtrimming as it's what seems to work right now, and yeah the bleach took away the nice healthy ends. I stopped henna-ing because the color got too dull, like a brown more than red, and too dark. I also wanted to see what my natural color looked like as I had been dying for as long as I can remember. I do really miss the shine and thickness henna gave me. I would consider doing it again someday tbh. Right now, my natural hair color can look good to me on same days and in certain lighting, other times not so much. I will just stay patient and stop doing stuff to it for awhile and let it grow.

I was looking through your albums, and that's a territory that comes with being blondette! Much like henna looks different in several lights, blonde/bronde can look really different depending on the lighting. :lol:

[Phanaferous]

What about cassia? Similar to henna for the volumizing and conditioning but won't impart much color. You could just treat the damaged ends until they are trimmed out.

[Asha]

I looked at your colors from your albums also. 1) You have gorgeous texture! 2) Your colors seem to match very well. The henna lifted incredibly. 3) I also bleached ends recently and hair seemed fine at first but has also gotten more frizzy as time passes. That's just the nature of the beast after a damaging treatment. 4) I second the cassia option.

[Chocowalnut]

I tried cassia not too long ago but it didn't seem to do anything for me. I was hoping I would like it. I did a deep protein/conditioning treatment yesterday though and that helped a lot.

[Asha]

Yay for deep treatments. I've had to add one to my routine weekly now.

[Iamsiam]

Keep your hair up in a stick so you aren't paying as much attention to your hair. The problem may even itself out over time.