body dysmorphic disorder related to hair

[Sparklylady82]

I'm really putting myself out here in pure frustration with myself so hopefully I don't regret it...please be nice. Does anyone here suffer from BDD? Here is a link to describe it...http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-body-dysmorphic-disorder

I have been suffering with this disorder for years and I still do at 33 years old.

I.AM.SO.TIRED.

It has manifested in different ways and I know that BDD is very complex and unique in every person but since one of my areas that I focus on is hair I though I'd post it here to get advice, insight, sympathy...anything.

My history with hair started in adolescence when I noticed my beautiful waves turning to frizz. At the time I had no Idea what to do with it so I would just wash, condition and put up into a wet pull through bun and call it a day. In my adult life I learned that I should look like an adult and started experimenting with straightening my hair because I felt that looked most put together and that I needed to tame it. I would do many things to preserve my sleek hair including not going swimming or getting my hair wet for fear that my ugly hair would be exposed. Then, I joined a church where women cutting their hair is frowned upon and thats when things got really crazy. I obsessed on having long uncut hair for a while and how it wasn't like all the other ladies who had never cut their hair from birth with hair to their bums and beyond. I felt "less than" for sure not because of anything their said but in my own mind. Then after a few years I felt trapped by this thinking and started to experiment with changing my hair color. This got bad to the point where I was changing from blonde to brown to red every few months along with heat styling and no trims my hair was a disaster which further fueled the hate for my texture. I got fed up and left that church and chopped my hair off. But still, the obsession remains. In the past few years I've found LHC and learned about healthy hair so that in turn has got me focused on split ends and trying different produces and methods. I now have spent countless hours, years, researching how to care for wavy hair, the curly girl method, spent oodles of money on hair products, goop and bobbly-do's. Should I do this and should I do that all to figure out how to make my hair better...only to still be unhappy regardless. And now I still struggle with not liking my natural texture. For whatever reason, I like it straight. I just can't decide anything and stick with that decision when It comes to this matter. I feel really screwed up and at a loss for identity of what I want for my hair and I know it is a part of my BDD so I have no solution.

At this point I am so tired that I feel like the only solution is to not "fuel the fire". I am thinking maybe I should cancel all my hair related accounts and forums. Stop even doing my hair or anything to it in any way shape or form. Maybe I need to go back to how I was as a teen and just put it up wet everyday and live like that. Maybe I should f-it and just straighten it every day and cancel out my long hair dreams...Honestly, I know that whatever I do I'll never be happy and it is really sad. I am probably a rarity in this issue and will be super embarrassed for writing this here but at least I got it off my chest. Thanks for reading.

[pailin]

I don't know anything really about the disorder, but if your hair is giving you that much stress, then maybe not doing anything with it for a little while is a good idea. It's not a long term commitment. If your hair can't make you happy, at least it should not be a burden.
Hopefully others will have more wisdom than I do, but I want to send you a hug. And pleased don't feel embarrassed to put this out there with us.

[triumphator!]

But I love your waves!!!! I admire your sig pic and your avatar every time I see it. It's your hair and it grows out of your head and there may be others like it or not like it, but it's very specially yours and a part of you. All is well my friend.

[Goatcraft]

I think a break can be needed (from hair websites) when envy strikes. It will only make you feel worse about yourself. When I feel that way, I leave my hair completely alone. No regular treatements or obsessing over a length that will take me YEARS to achieve. You just have to remember that most of these women with dramatically long hair don't even touch it. It's kept in protective styles, not dyed with harsh chemicals and few use heat. They really restrict themselves for that knee length hair. If you want that, you have to do the same.

On another note, Your waves are beautiful and once your hair starts to gain length, it will really look great. Just hang in there. - I'm naturally curly. I keep my frizz down by adding a bit of coconut oil with a dab of castor oil. Very little of both. Just enough to smooth things out. I know having any bit of texture can be a nightmare, but it's the cards we were given! I would also suggest tossing the flat iron and using a blow dryer and a round brush to straighten your hair (if you refuse to give it up). Direct heat is really rough on the hair.

[lapushka]

Are you sure it's part of your BDD? I'm just genuinely curious and asking. Because all you've been doing with your hair, I experienced. When I first got here, I experimented with dye, bleach, henna, products, went from straight chin to a shoulder length perm, suffered heat damage and perm damage and had to deal with that. Then I got a chemical cut & burn from bleaching/henna & doing regular dyes on top of it (that for some reason didn't take well anymore). So yeah, I know what it's like never to be content with what you've got. I "smartened" up after the chemical cut & burn, though, and from that moment on I went all natural, virgin color, and got to classic. It "only" took me 10 years.

There's hope yet. :) And you have gorgeous hair!

[restless]

Im sorry youre not feeling happy about your hair :( However, when Im reading through your post I see all these things that youve done for your hair, but what have you done for the BDD itself? It sounds like the hair is just a symptom, its the BDD that needs to be worked on. Stop visiting forums or completely giving up on it wont change anything.

I wish you all the best :blossom:

[Johannah]

First of all ((((hugs)))) :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

For what it's worth, I just took a look at your pictures and I think your hair is absolutely *lovely*. I don't know what you are doing for it now, but in my eyes it obviously works. And if you feel you are still not there yet, there's always a solution. Do whatever you feel makes you most happy, sweetheart. If you think this forum is letting you obsess about your hair, then leave your account for what it is and come back when you feel better. I've been there as well, and there's nothing wrong with it. In the end, most people on tLHC benign neglect for ages anyway (wash - condish - leave in - bun) and it might calm you down. :flower:

[Seratopia]

I know how you feel, trust me. It's not easy being a "slave" for lack of a better word to your own mind, along with its constant negativity.

[WinnieCooper]

But I love your waves!!!! I admire your sig pic and your avatar every time I see it. It's your hair and it grows out of your head and there may be others like it or not like it, but it's very specially yours and a part of you. All is well my friend.

This made me cry a little... How beautiful!

[WinnieCooper]

Wish I could give you a hug too. I tried a church like that for a bit and you never feel like you can be good enough when appearance is such a big part of your religion/ relationship with God. Maybe join the "put your hair up for a year challenge" and forget about your hair. I stopped wearing makeup... Not because of any church .... But because I wanted to be healthier and that makeup really was affecting my fibromyalgia for the worse. And I haven't obsessed as much about my appearance as I used to. I sometimes put a little charcoal on my kids and I'm done. The less I look in the mirror... The less I think about my appearance. But as others have said I don't know much about your disorder but I know you are loved and adored by those closest to you. And If you have children then they think you're the most beautiful person in the world!

[WinnieCooper]

Kids above should be lids. Lol!!

[LadyAdelina]

Well that sounds really tough. :( I don't have BDD, but I understand the strain of constant negative thoughts, and how you can come to hate your body and specific parts of it. Being kinder to yourself is certainly a life long journey... I know, for me, taking care of my hair has always been part of my ritual for getting rid of the negative thoughts. Maybe instead of thinking of it as what you can do to fix your hair, think of nourishing it and protecting it and making it stronger, because it's the right thing to do for you? Eventually, you will find what works, and you may become happier with the length, texture, etc, but this will be a side effect of taking care of it, not the goal.

Just an idea, sometimes I have to trick myself into being happy with myself, or change the way I look at things to get out of the negative cycles. Completely up to you, though.
(And as a side note, I think your hair texture is beautiful, and I wish my straight hair had some curl or wave to it... The grass is always greener, I guess!)

[Ana H.]

Hello Sparklylady82,

I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this obsession.:grouphug: I know just how hard it is. =( I’m not familiar BDD but the WedMD article you linked to compared it to eating disorders which I am very familiar with. So, I will encourage you from what I do know from my own painful struggle with a severe obsession about weight and food.

First of all, it is absolutely possible to overcome this kind of struggle. It is not easy for sure but you shouldn’t think of it as something you can’t do anything about. There IS hope! It took me a long time but I can honestly say that I am now completely free from my eating disorder not just physically but mentally too. I just don’t think that way anymore at all and life is so much happier on the other side!

Secondly, I think taking a break from hair forums and websites is a really, really good idea. As is, putting your hair up and forgetting about it. Just like healing from a severe sickness, healing from this kind of mental issue doesn’t usually just happen. You have to pursue it and be willing to take difficult steps toward freedom. In my case forcing myself to eat more was only one of the things I had to do to recover. To silence the obsessive voices though, I had to do other things. I had to completely stop reading food labels and stop counting calories. I had to commit to no longer comparing myself to other women. I had to stop weighing myself etc. Basically, I had to cut off everything that was feeding the obsession and then wait for it to slowly die. It took time but it was so worth it.

I’m not trying to sound like I am a super strong person who overcame my eating disorder through sheer willpower. Absolutely not, I didn’t even want to change at first. Without my God, I would still be trapped in that miserable narrow world where thinness was the highest goal. I was just giving practical examples to hopefully encourage you that there are things you can do. Just take it one step at a time and expect the voices inside of your head to kick and scream with each new step you take. That’s okay, just ignore them and keep walking forward. You can do it!

Lastly, besides identifying and cutting off the things that were feeding the obsession, something else that really, really helped me was to purposely focus on serving others. Not to beat myself up for being selfish or to make myself feel like a better person… but just to truly love somebody else. This kind of suffering so often turns inward and we get trapped in a very very small world. Focusing on loving others helped me to get outside of myself and experience a bigger world where there are far more glorious and satisfying goals than fitting into a size 0 dress. In my experience I am happiest when I am able to forget myself in the joy of making somebody else happy. And there are so many ways to do that for friends and strangers alike– lending an ear, a hug, a gift, a meal, a phone call, a smile, a note etc.

In the same vein, I am also happiest when I am able lose myself in the joy of experiencing beauty. It’s helped me so much to learn be present in the physical world and train myself to notice the beauty that is everywhere around me and be grateful for it. In nature, in art, in animals, and in other people. =)

Anyway, I hope at least something I said turns out to be helpful for you too. :love:

Love, Ana

[Decoy24601]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with these issues.

I don't have BDD, but my sister does. While it doesn't effect her view of her hair, she has struggled with bulimia and anorexia for almost her whole life. One thing that really really makes it worse for her is when she gets too focused on reading fashion magazines and comparing herself to models and comparing her body to the bodies of other people.

If you think you're having a tough time dwelling on your self-image and hair because of hair forums, I would definitely take a break (I don't think it's necessary to delete accounts though) while you deal with your issues. Toss your hair up into buns/braids daily and try to forget about it. I don't know if you're in any kind of talk therapy/counseling, but I would suggest that, since it gives you an opportunity to vent, work through your problems, and learn new healthy coping skills and ways to break negative thought patterns.

[missmelaniem]

I dont think you need to delete your accounts, but maybe think on what would make you happiest. I dont claim to know your heart and mind, but it somehow seems like you're searching for an identity and I say that because I actually went (am going, in some ways) through that. For me, it has been focusing less on adornment and more on self-care. It has meant sometimes spending extra on something where I wouldnt have before, and not bogging myself down with things that dont really make a difference as far as happiness, contentment or my lifes trajectory is concerned.

Its a struggle for me sometimes, but overall it has been very freeing.

[calmyogi]

I don't have much advice because I think everyone else pretty much said it, but I wanted you to know that I think your hair is very pretty :)

[calmyogi]

Kids above should be lids. Lol!!
Lol when I read the kids part I was like "wow what a cool mom, she puts liner on her kids before she goes about her day" lol.

[Tosca]

I don't really have any advice that hasn't already been said, but I just have to say that you're right, obsessive type disorders are exhausting. I had an eating disorder and ocd which are both in remission right now, and they were both very tiring and very annoying to deal with. Have you considered taking medication, like an anti depressant? I found that I felt much better after I started taking mine. Talking to someone qualified, like a psychologist, might help too. Beware, as just about anyone can call themselves a counsellor, but you need an actual qualification to treat people as a psychologist.

[Sparklylady82]

To everyone who commented so far: I am so overwhelmed with all of the positive comments and advice! I was really in a tough place when I wrote it this morning and you've helped me feel better and also confirm some things I need to do to get through this!


If your hair can't make you happy, at least it should not be a burden.


I really like the way you put this and it made me realize that "hair" cannot possibly make me happy anyway...its more of how I'm perceived that I am worried about and then I never feel good enough either way so in turn I am driving myself crazy.


But I love your waves!!!! I admire your sig pic and your avatar every time I see it. It's your hair and it grows out of your head and there may be others like it or not like it, but it's very specially yours and a part of you. All is well my friend.

This is such a sweet comment and I take it to heart!


I think a break can be needed (from hair websites) when envy strikes

I'm not dealing with feeling envious but thanks for the advice. I am going to take a break.


Are you sure it's part of your BDD? I'm just genuinely curious and asking....I "smartened" up after the chemical cut & burn, though, and from that moment on I went all natural, virgin color, and got to classic. It "only" took me 10 years.


It could be just growing pains but I am quite preoccupied with all things hair until it effects my mood so idk...is that normal?


Im sorry youre not feeling happy about your hair :( However, when Im reading through your post I see all these things that youve done for your hair, but what have you done for the BDD itself? It sounds like the hair is just a symptom, its the BDD that needs to be worked on. Stop visiting forums or completely giving up on it wont change anything.


I contacted my psychiatrist via email today so hopefully he can help.

[Sparklylady82]

First of all ((((hugs)))) :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

For what it's worth, I just took a look at your pictures and I think your hair is absolutely *lovely*. I don't know what you are doing for it now, but in my eyes it obviously works. And if you feel you are still not there yet, there's always a solution. Do whatever you feel makes you most happy, sweetheart. If you think this forum is letting you obsess about your hair, then leave your account for what it is and come back when you feel better. I've been there as well, and there's nothing wrong with it. In the end, most people on tLHC benign neglect for ages anyway (wash - condos - leave in - bun) and it might calm you down. :flower:

Thank you, you are so nice...one of the reasons I love coming around tLHC is because people are so friendly. I think I will try to stay away for awhile and see if I can get my disorder under control. I'm doing the "no trim 2016" challenge so maybe I'll come back around at that point and just practice benign neglect for now.


I know how you feel, trust me. It's not easy being a "slave" for lack of a better word to your own mind, along with its constant negativity.

I'm glad I'm not alone but also sad for your pain as well. I feel like such a defect sometimes...hugs to you.


Wish I could give you a hug too. I tried a church like that for a bit and you never feel like you can be good enough when appearance is such a big part of your religion/ relationship with God. Maybe join the "put your hair up for a year challenge" and forget about your hair. I stopped wearing makeup... Not because of any church .... But because I wanted to be healthier and that makeup really was affecting my fibromyalgia for the worse. And I haven't obsessed as much about my appearance as I used to. I sometimes put a little charcoal on my kids and I'm done. The less I look in the mirror... The less I think about my appearance. But as others have said I don't know much about your disorder but I know you are loved and adored by those closest to you. And If you have children then they think you're the most beautiful person in the world!

It's true, I wonder if I'm a little scared from the whole religious thing? I do have children and you are so right!

[Sparklylady82]

Well that sounds really tough. :( I don't have BDD, but I understand the strain of constant negative thoughts, and how you can come to hate your body and specific parts of it. Being kinder to yourself is certainly a life long journey... I know, for me, taking care of my hair has always been part of my ritual for getting rid of the negative thoughts. Maybe instead of thinking of it as what you can do to fix your hair, think of nourishing it and protecting it and making it stronger, because it's the right thing to do for you? Eventually, you will find what works, and you may become happier with the length, texture, etc, but this will be a side effect of taking care of it, not the goal.

Just an idea, sometimes I have to trick myself into being happy with myself, or change the way I look at things to get out of the negative cycles. Completely up to you, though.
(And as a side note, I think your hair texture is beautiful, and I wish my straight hair had some curl or wave to it... The grass is always greener, I guess!)

I love the idea of being kinder to myself and I've thought about this. I usually do pretty well on this and really like spending the time pampering my hair and treating it healthy until I start comparing myself to other women (not on tLHC). I just don't feel good enough naturally.


Hello Sparklylady82,

I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this obsession.:grouphug: I know just how hard it is. =( I’m not familiar BDD but the WedMD article you linked to compared it to eating disorders which I am very familiar with. So, I will encourage you from what I do know from my own painful struggle with a severe obsession about weight and food.

First of all, it is absolutely possible to overcome this kind of struggle. It is not easy for sure but you shouldn’t think of it as something you can’t do anything about. There IS hope! It took me a long time but I can honestly say that I am now completely free from my eating disorder not just physically but mentally too. I just don’t think that way anymore at all and life is so much happier on the other side!

Secondly, I think taking a break from hair forums and websites is a really, really good idea. As is, putting your hair up and forgetting about it. Just like healing from a severe sickness, healing from this kind of mental issue doesn’t usually just happen. You have to pursue it and be willing to take difficult steps toward freedom. In my case forcing myself to eat more was only one of the things I had to do to recover. To silence the obsessive voices though, I had to do other things. I had to completely stop reading food labels and stop counting calories. I had to commit to no longer comparing myself to other women. I had to stop weighing myself etc. Basically, I had to cut off everything that was feeding the obsession and then wait for it to slowly die. It took time but it was so worth it.

I’m not trying to sound like I am a super strong person who overcame my eating disorder through sheer willpower. Absolutely not, I didn’t even want to change at first. Without my God, I would still be trapped in that miserable narrow world where thinness was the highest goal. I was just giving practical examples to hopefully encourage you that there are things you can do. Just take it one step at a time and expect the voices inside of your head to kick and scream with each new step you take. That’s okay, just ignore them and keep walking forward. You can do it!

Lastly, besides identifying and cutting off the things that were feeding the obsession, something else that really, really helped me was to purposely focus on serving others. Not to beat myself up for being selfish or to make myself feel like a better person… but just to truly love somebody else. This kind of suffering so often turns inward and we get trapped in a very very small world. Focusing on loving others helped me to get outside of myself and experience a bigger world where there are far more glorious and satisfying goals than fitting into a size 0 dress. In my experience I am happiest when I am able to forget myself in the joy of making somebody else happy. And there are so many ways to do that for friends and strangers alike– lending an ear, a hug, a gift, a meal, a phone call, a smile, a note etc.

In the same vein, I am also happiest when I am able lose myself in the joy of experiencing beauty. It’s helped me so much to learn be present in the physical world and train myself to notice the beauty that is everywhere around me and be grateful for it. In nature, in art, in animals, and in other people. =)

Anyway, I hope at least something I said turns out to be helpful for you too. :love:

Love, Ana

I REALLY appreciate your input! I put in bold all of your key points and I am totally going to do this. This is kinda what I thought I needed to do....eliminate all things hair (as much as possible) until I am well again. I hope that means I can come back to the forum in the future because there is such nice people here but we shall see.


I'm so sorry you're dealing with these issues.

I don't have BDD, but my sister does. While it doesn't effect her view of her hair, she has struggled with bulimia and anorexia for almost her whole life. One thing that really really makes it worse for her is when she gets too focused on reading fashion magazines and comparing herself to models and comparing her body to the bodies of other people.

If you think you're having a tough time dwelling on your self-image and hair because of hair forums, I would definitely take a break (I don't think it's necessary to delete accounts though) while you deal with your issues. Toss your hair up into buns/braids daily and try to forget about it. I don't know if you're in any kind of talk therapy/counseling, but I would suggest that, since it gives you an opportunity to vent, work through your problems, and learn new healthy coping skills and ways to break negative thought patterns.

Thank you for your advice! I hope I can get therapy but I have Kaiser and they are a pain in the butt about mental health counseling.


I dont think you need to delete your accounts, but maybe think on what would make you happiest. I dont claim to know your heart and mind, but it somehow seems like you're searching for an identity and I say that because I actually went (am going, in some ways) through that. For me, it has been focusing less on adornment and more on self-care. It has meant sometimes spending extra on something where I wouldnt have before, and not bogging myself down with things that dont really make a difference as far as happiness, contentment or my lifes trajectory is concerned.

Its a struggle for me sometimes, but overall it has been very freeing.

Yes I too wonder if its a search of identity...I feel like I missed something growing up and like I should know my identity by now since I am 33.


I don't have much advice because I think everyone else pretty much said it, but I wanted you to know that I think your hair is very pretty :)

Thank you so much.


I don't really have any advice that hasn't already been said, but I just have to say that you're right, obsessive type disorders are exhausting. I had an eating disorder and ocd which are both in remission right now, and they were both very tiring and very annoying to deal with. Have you considered taking medication, like an anti depressant? I found that I felt much better after I started taking mine. Talking to someone qualified, like a psychologist, might help too. Beware, as just about anyone can call themselves a counsellor, but you need an actual qualification to treat people as a psychologist.

I have taken an antidepressant before and it didn't seem to help much for this issue but I only took it for a few months and I know they sometimes take longer to work 100%.

[Sparklylady82]

I will wait a few days to respond to all the replies but after that I am going off the radar for awhile...planning on checking the forum in January if I find its ok for me.

[Tosca]

I have taken an antidepressant before and it didn't seem to help much for this issue but I only took it for a few months and I know they sometimes take longer to work 100%.

Most people have to try more than one to find one that works for them. I was lucky that the first one I tried (fluoxetine/prozac) worked for me, but this may not be the case for you. Maybe try a few others? You're right that they can sometimes take weeks to fully take effect, but a few months sounds like that particular medication at that dosage just didn't work for you. Sometimes it takes a higher dose to get a good effect too. Your psychiatrist is the person to talk to about this.

[KittyBird]

Many hugs to you! :grouphug: I've struggled with eating disorders and BDD since I was seven, so I can sort of relate to your feelings about your hair. It's not going to be an easy journey, but it can definitely be done. I started my healing process three years ago, and though I still have a slightly distorted view of myself, I'm feeling pretty zen about my body these days. It is what it is. I'm never going to look like a catwalk model, but that's ok. There will be good days and there will be bad ones. Sometimes I start thinking "if I just stopped eating..", but I manage to stop those thoughts pretty fast. The other commenters have already given so much good advice, so I don't think I can add anything there. Your hair is gorgeous, and your pictures always give me wurl envy. :flowers:

[pailin]

I will wait a few days to respond to all the replies but after that I am going off the radar for awhile...planning on checking the forum in January if I find its ok for me.

I hope it helps, and that in the meantime you are able to get better, find freedom, and be rested- whether or not you come back in January.

[lapushka]

It could be just growing pains but I am quite preoccupied with all things hair until it effects my mood so idk...is that normal?

It could all very well be connected, but I'm no professional. Definitely talk to one, preferably before you take more out on your hair. Your hair might have become your "outlet".

I hope to see you back on here! :D Bye in the mean time. :waving:

[Edelweiss]

*hugs* hope you find the peace you deserve. Be brave !

[Temme]

I'm not sure if I've ever had BDD, but I relate to a lot of what you said. A few years ago, almost the only thing I cared about was being pretty. My insecurities were my skin and my hair. I never would have found this forum if not for desperate internet searches for hair help. I always thought my hair was too frizzy, and I didn't know what to do. I've bought so many products and tried so many things. At one point I decided to go water only, but I did it very promptly, as opposed to gradually. My hair was extremely oily, but I kept holding out in hopes that the greasiness would subside. I was miserable, and I walked through the school hallways with my head down. I didn't want anyone to see me. I was paranoid because my dad was hinting that my hair "looked darker", but I didn't want my parents to know what was really going on. Part of the reason I stopped using shampoo was also religious; I was obsessed with religion and believed that God was calling me (along with all women) to grow long hair, and I thought that my hair wouldn't grow long with shampoo.

I've had delusions too; I was obsessed over the idea that my face was much paler than the rest of my body despite the fact that my mom and sisters said they didn't see any difference at all. It has gotten to the point where I avoided mirrors. When I came home from school, and would use the bathroom and then stand with my back to the mirror. I would then brace myself and force myself to turn and look at my reflection. It was hard.

At that point, my happiness was completely bound by how I looked, but learning to not care what others think helped me greatly. Even when I look as "ugly" as I've always looked, it doesn't bother me nearly as much. Please go on medication and go to therapy too. The first medication I ever took did nothing, but the second pulled me out of the darkest place in my life. It took me about six tries to find a kind of therapy that I found helpful.

[lapushka]

At that point, my happiness was completely bound by how I looked, but learning to not care what others think helped me greatly. Even when I look as "ugly" as I've always looked, it doesn't bother me nearly as much. Please go on medication and go to therapy too. The first medication I ever took did nothing, but the second pulled me out of the darkest place in my life. It took me about six tries to find a kind of therapy that I found helpful.

I am *so* glad you stuck with it, and persevered to finally find something that helps. I am glad you're doing better now. It was so hard to read what you had to go through, but I'm glad it's all going in a good direction right now. :D :flower:

[Ana H.]

I will wait a few days to respond to all the replies but after that I am going off the radar for awhile...planning on checking the forum in January if I find its ok for me.

I know it’s a hard decision but you can do it. I pray you will be able to find peace during this time of taking a break from hair and focusing on getting better. Don’t give up. There is hope.:)

[restless]

I contacted my psychiatrist via email today so hopefully he can help.

Im glad to hear this :) Good luck!

[Temme]

I am *so* glad you stuck with it, and persevered to finally find something that helps. I am glad you're doing better now. It was so hard to read what you had to go through, but I'm glad it's all going in a good direction right now. :D :flower:

Thank you so much lapushka.:) And Sparklylady82, we all hope whatever happens is what makes you the happiest.

[Tassledown]

I wish you the best of luck finding a solution. I agree that taking a break sounds like a good idea. Your hair will be there whenever you come back to it, there's only things to gain by putting it out of your mind as best you can until you can come back to it without it eating away at you. All the best!