I want to be your friend as long as you are nice

[AquaViolet1973]

I have 76, I think, friends on my list. :) I friended many, and many friended me.
I do feel a bit hurt that there are a couple people whom I requested friendship from who either rejected my request or ignored it. And these people have accepted other people's requests. I probably shouldn't feel hurt, but I feel like I'm a nice person. Why wouldn't someone want to be my friend? :) I've been a LHC member for over 3 years and have almost 1000 posts. If you are someone who has rejected my friendship, will you please tell me why? You can PM me if you want.:blossom:

PS: If anyone wants to friend me, please feel free to do so. Unless you are creepy, I want to be your friend.:blossom:

[DavidN]

I am delighted to already be on your friend's list, Aquaviolet1973, and I cannot imagine anyone rejecting your requests either.

However, like you, I have been turned down, including one rejection from a very highly regarded member of the LHC. However, she did send me a very nice PM afterwards, explaining why, and I fully understand and appreciate her reasons. There have been several other rejections as well, but the reasons remain unknown to me. I know that there are some members who prefer their list be kept small, and limited to their closest friends, and there are others who prefer to not get into the friends thing at all, and have given very valid reasons why in other posts to the board.

The use of the word "friends" is an unfortunate term, since it can cause hurt feelings among so many. Some have suggested a better term would be "permissions" or "filters", since it really comes into play when giving other members permissions to read their blogs or see their photos.

I have not turned a single friendship request down so far, and am genuinely touched whenever I receive them.

[HeavenlyTresses]

I hope people don't feel this is turning into myspace for hair where people try to have as many friends as possible. I do find it polite to talk to someone first but I haven't turned down anyone either. It's just hard to be friends with someone you don't know I guess. Trust takes ages to earn and only a moment to lose.

[Wavelength]

I hope people don't feel this is turning into myspace for hair where people try to have as many friends as possible.

That's exactly what I'm concerned about. LHC shouldn't be reduced to a popularity contest. People have their reasons for accepting and rejecting friend requests (usually it has nothing to do with how much they like someone, but with filter options), and no one should feel insecure, offended or guilty. If they do, then there's something wrong.

[Milena]

I still don't get what this whole new "friendship request" thing here is about... Maybe I just have a different concept of friendship, because I don't see what it could mean to declare myself "friends" with someone on this board, unless maybe with those with whom I have been PMing. What I call friends are people in real life. That said, I wouldn't turn down anybody's request.

I do get the feeling that it is some kind of popularity contest to some people, and I have never been into those.

[Delilah]

I know I certainly didn't turn you down.

This friends thing is more hassle than it's worth. I do like the groups and having our own homepages, but I don't see the necessity in the 'friend' thing. As far as I can see it's only for journal purposes. I liked the old journals, where they could either be public or the 60 days/100 posts thing.

The friend thing makes LHC way too much like Facebook or Myspace, where people try to collect friends to make themselves feel superior.

[Carina]

I understand how you feel.I have also been rejected and that did hurt.But I still have some friends so I think I'm gonna be ok anyway.When someone sends me a request it makes me so happy.See you!

[Delilah]

I read my post and thought *hmm* maybe I should be more specific as to why I friend people. I don't want to seem like a hypocrite considering I started an 'open friending' thread. I did that to help myself and other people who were a little uncomfortable about having no friends listed and shy at approaching people.

-I like to read journals. Lots of people are making a friends-only thing on their journal. I want to be able to read it.
-It's cool to have an extra little back and forth with people without sending PMs and stuff
-It's like bookmarking people. If someone has fantastic hair I like to look at as inspirtation, it's a quick link to their album without searching.

[TammySue]

Anyone on your list is lucky to be your "Friend"! :)
Please don't take it personally that some haven't accepted your Friend Requests. :flowers:

[TheSpottedCow]

I'll accept any friend adds but I don't send them... I wish we didn't have them, because they're becoming too important it seems. A lot of people are posting about them.
I'm not trying to criticize people who ARE posting about them... I just mean, as long as the option to add friends is there, it's going to make for awkwardness.

[akurah]

I've not yet rejected a friend request, but if I received one from someone I wasn't familiar with (even if they've been a long-time poster) there's a good chance I'd reject it. Some people who I don't interact with much have sent requests, but because I enjoy their posts and recognized them I went ahead and accepted.

I've also only sent out two friends requests, one because the person interested me and one because I've done a number of swaps with her and I liked her. I think they were accepted but I have no idea how to tell.

I think I have a total of 13 friends (and for the love of god, if you want to friend me only from that statement alone please don't--I'd rather you friend me because you found me interesting or liked me, not because you went "Oh how sad she only has 13 friends!")

The idea of friends and the new social groups features are a bit awkward for me--it's easier for me to PM someone than to try and find a message they sent me in my profile, and I prefer hitting the "New posts" options to see new activity, and that feature doesn't appear to apply to social groups, so I have no idea which group has what activity and tend to only peek there periodically.

[Nat242]

"Friend" is a bit of a loaded term, but basically how I'm using the Friends system is to accept request from people that I recognize, which is a good way to recreate the old "private" system of 60 day + 100 post + mod approval, although in this case it's my approval, of course.

I've been sending out requests to people that I have interacted with specifically on the boards, in their old journals, or in PMs, or maybe just because I've enjoyed their posts and their photos in the past - mainly because I'd like access to their blog and album.

It is taking time to build up my access - and I agree, it's not about popularity, it's about privacy. Personally, I'd accept anyone I recognized as an active, respectful member, and if I didn't recognize them, I'd send them a PM explaining my reasons and letting them know it wasn't personal, and maybe we could be "friends" in a month or so.

However, other people prefer a more private (or less private) group that can access their blog and albums, and that's absolutely their right to do so.

My 2 cents

-- Natalie

[AquaViolet1973]

The friend thing makes LHC way too much like Facebook or Myspace, where people try to collect friends to make themselves feel superior.

That's not it for me at all. I'm not in this for "popularity" reasons. I hope no one thinks that I am.

[Delila]

I can't help thinking that some of the 'rejection' issue may just be due to the new software.

All this new stuff takes time to learn, and I for one am feeling a bit slow on the uptake sometimes.

[lapushka]

Personally I think this friend/contact thing is going to get out of hand. That's why I ignore the whole thing, hoping it will disappear. For me it takes the fun right out of LHC. It makes simple things way too complicated, and besides this is a hair forum not myspace or facebook or anything of that sort. I find it hard to adjust to this new system.

[jessie58]

I have turned down about 8 people, not because I don't want to be their friend, not because I don't think they are nice people, not because I am being exclusive. I did so because I want to get to know people a little and get a feel for them before I share my private journal and photos with them.

Anybody who has been rejected of course would feel hurt but it's really really really not a personal thing.

The friend term is so very distorted in this atmosphere. If the word were contact, I think people would not feel so hurt. Being a friend indicates that you like somebody and care about them and trust them. So to turn down a friendship almost infers that you do not care or trust or like them.

We all know this is a hair board and we are all virtual friends, acquaintances, names on a screen, so the term friend is really a misnomer in this case. Yes some of us do have good, close friends that we have made here, but it has taken TIME to do so. Trust has been built and getting to know one another through PM's and on the boards has really cemented that friendship.


So I will say this again, anybody who has had a friend request denied, please don't be hurt, just reach out and make friends on the boards, the way the rest of us had to do, let us get to know you a bit and eventually you will find yourself developing bonds with special people.

AquaViolet 76 friends is plenty I think, yikes some of my friends only have 5 or 12 friends on their list. You are more widely known than you think.

[jessie58]

Pssst, anybody want to know why David has over 300 friends?

Cause he's so durn friendly and talkative. Even more talkative than me and that's a hard thing to beat.

[physicschick]

As far as I can see it's only for journal purposes.

Yes! (And for albums.) If you don't have a private blog or a private album, adding friends isn't going to give people any special access to you. If you do have a private blog or album, this is how you control access to it.

It's not a popularity contest. I don't have a gazillion friends because people like me (at least I seriously doubt everyone on my list likes me :lol: ); I have them because that's how lax I am about who can read my journal. Probably fewer than 25% of these people care to read my journal, but they're welcome to if they want, so I sent out a bunch of friend requests in case they were interested. Please, just think of it as a privacy filter. Number of friends doesn't correlate to how well liked one is.

ETA: Also, my brain is like swiss cheese, so if I didn't add someone it was probably by accident. Just send me a request and I'll probably add you unless you're really new here.

[AquaViolet1973]

AquaViolet 76 friends is plenty I think, yikes some of my friends only have 5 or 12 friends on their list. You are more widely known than you think.

I guess maybe I am more well known than I thought. :shrug: I don't know. I guess I really shouldn't have hurt feelings.
Cheese, anyone? I like cheddar cheese the best. :cheese:

[getoffmyskittle]

What if we're NOT nice? :twisted:

[jessie58]

What if we're NOT nice? :twisted:

I was waiting for somebody to say that. ;)

[Milena]

O.k., I now understand what this is about -- journal access. That makes sense, it just doesn't concern me, since I neither read journals nor have one. That must be ONE reason why I received only one friendship request so far (the other being that I am not nice!). But if I had a journal, I would probably like that kind of access control.

[Sarahmoon]

I think I'm nice enough to be your friend ;)

I just sent a request.

[DavidN]

Pssst, anybody want to know why David has over 300 friends?

Cause he's so durn friendly and talkative. Even more talkative than me and that's a hard thing to beat.

Shhh, you caught me again, Tessa, but that is a very sweet thing to say, but I DO admit to getting a little chatty sometimes!:rollin:

[Shermie Girl]

What if we're NOT nice? :twisted:


I was waiting for somebody to say that. ;)

He. He. I was waiting for her to say that. ;):p:lol:

Skitts, you know we all love ya. :D

[GlassEyes]

It's probably just that they don't know you well enough or haven't seen your posts as much. Thus, they'd probably only accept from those they know better or something like that.

I don't send out friends requests because I don't want to get rejected, but I usually accept the ones that do come to me. I don't think I've had to reject one yet.

[AquaViolet1973]

What if we're NOT nice? :twisted:

We know that you are nice. :)

[spidermom]

I think I've only sent out one friend request because one day while I was messing around with the options I happened to stumble upon the friending function. Then I promptly forgot how to do it. So if anybody wonders why they never got a friend invitation from me, I'll tell you right now - it's because I'm kinda dumb.

[busnutmedic]

I used to accept friends at places such as youtube but I stopped because I was getting way too many and I didn't even know half of them.

Don't take it personally. A lot of things go through the cracks on here, and believe it or not (it sounds so lazy of me, lol!) sometimes it just takes so much time to go and click on everything (although on LHC it's pretty easy, just two clicks). But anyhow, I know people who never read my blog (but kept in touch with me) and I was hurt at first, but I didn't realize WHY they didn't until they said "Well, I talk with you so much I already know what's going on," and I realized it was true.

Bonnie

[oogie]

I don't know what you think about me but I don't mind adding friends. I like this new feature. This allows me the chance to really kind of watch who is reading or looking at things. If there is someone here that I don't want in my business, I can keep them out and that to me is fantastic. (yes, there might be maybe one or two folks that I'd like to keep a very long arm's reach-but that's my business.) So far I've only four folks on my list. I already know that I don't do popularity and that's what's important to me. Being myself.

That's sort of the catch 22 of things though with this feature. You don't really know if someone will accept you blindly or if they are selective. Either way I don't think it's a 'popularity' contest thing. If it were,the admin would win as they have EVERYONE on their list LOL.

[Arianwen]

I'm not exactly nice but I've accepted every friendship request I've gotten. There's no one on this board I detest enough to give them the cold shoulder.

[happylynngilmer]

I did not read the whole thread, my apologies.


I hope people don't feel this is turning into myspace for hair where people try to have as many friends as possible.

My first and only concern. I have accepted everyone who has asked, and only sought out a few. I don't want my LHC experience to rely on specific "friends" because I consider everyone on LHC to be a friend; just that I am closer to some than others-as in real life :}

Like all communities-a workplace, class at school, internet, whatever-there are people you really like, sorta like, are indifferent to, don't like, and then avoid like the plague, or even want to get to know better. The friend system is set up so we can do all those things-but unfortunitely, they do get abused.

I like the friend system. :}

ETA: ok, I've now read the whole thread: My blog is public, so the filter doesn't make a difference to me. Journals that I have enjoyed reading however-now I will have to go hunt them all down and ask politely if I can have access heh heh

[zift]

I don't see it as a friends list actually,just a privacy option and people on my list are the ones I allow to read my journal that's all. I sent very few friend requests too,and it's seriously just because I want to access their journal or album and even if it's public now it may not be in the future. I've been rejected or ignored by some people too,from reasons I don't know but probably because they don't know me or like me whatever ofcourse it's their choice and I don't get offended from it. I mean everybody doesn't have to love everyone ...I might reject some people's requests too just because I don't like them. I like my journal to be private and I being the master to control who can see it and I appreciate the ones that do too:D

[Nynaeve]

I think I've only sent out one friend request because one day while I was messing around with the options I happened to stumble upon the friending function. Then I promptly forgot how to do it. So if anybody wonders why they never got a friend invitation from me, I'll tell you right now - it's because I'm kinda dumb.


Lies and slander!!
You are not dumb. GRRRR.

Anyway, I'm still not sure how I feel about the whole "friend" thing, but I am slightly bothered by the term "friend" when it is just for privacy sake, especially since it is just a board, a board with random people, most of whom, if not all, I have never seen irl.

However, the privacy thing does not apply so much to me since I do not have a blog or photojournal as of now.

It just bothers me a little that I can not read some of the journals that I enjoyed reading on the old LHC.

I do think that it is helpful for those who want their journals to be more exclusive to those who they are the most comfortable with, but it seems counterintuitive since most people "became comfortable with one another" via the old blogs and journals.

I honestly had a lot of fun reading people's journals back in the day, seeing people get onto David for not having posted any pics in a while, and the like.
:p

[Alley Cat]

It just bothers me a little that I can not read some of the journals that I enjoyed reading on the old LHC.



Perhaps you could befriend those people :shrug:
I certainly hope if anyone wanted to read my blog exciting as it is and they used to read it before and I was unaware they did , they would befriend me. :)

[faeflame]

Anyway, I'm still not sure how I feel about the whole "friend" thing, but I am slightly bothered by the term "friend" when it is just for privacy sake, especially since it is just a board, a board with random people, most of whom, if not all, I have never seen irl.

However, the privacy thing does not apply so much to me since I do not have a blog or photojournal as of now.

It just bothers me a little that I can not read some of the journals that I enjoyed reading on the old LHC.

I do think that it is helpful for those who want their journals to be more exclusive to those who they are the most comfortable with, but it seems counterintuitive since most people "became comfortable with one another" via the old blogs and journals.


I feel the same way. I really, really miss the old 100 post definition of private. My time on the net is limited and having to figure out the new LHC is hard enough without searching down the journals I was reading on the old LHC and asking to befriend everyone.

[purplebubba]

I want to add you AquaViolet but there's one problem. You were one of the first people I sent a request to and you already accepted me. And I don't want to break the friendship just to do it again. ;)

But anyone else who wishes to add me who isn't already added may do so.

My journals and blogs here will remain public.

[zule]

My problem is that my journal was private, and I'd like it to be private again. However, I don't know who was reading it before; just a few of them. So how do I befriend all of them? Or do I wait until they send me a friend request? I guess it's best to wait.

I've been saying "yes" to everyone who's asked. I'm in "make buddies" mode. But I won't be the slightest offended if someone doesn't take me up on my buddy request. After all, there are many reasons why someone might say no.