Being judged for your long hair

[leilan]

Hi all! I debated for a long time about whether to post this, because it's not really a positive viewpoint, and I didn't want to make anyone sad or offended, but in the end I thought it might spark some interesting discussion.

I like to browse the image hosting site imgur, and yesterday I was thrilled to come across a gif of a woman with gorgeous calf-length hair letting it down from a bun. I was quickly dismayed, though, when I started to read the comments. Several of them made comments about how having hair that long meant that the woman must be 'psycho' or a 'religious fanatic'.

I found two other images/gifs about long hair, all with similar comments. Please be aware that some of the comments are vulgar/have swear words in them. Here are the posts, if you're interested:
http://imgur.com/gallery/uSY30tc
http://imgur.com/gallery/i5J3l76
http://imgur.com/gallery/hs7QXQO

My initial reaction was to feel hurt that so many people seemed to think that because of our hair length, we must be crazy. But then I remembered that people are naturally judgmental. They will make split second decisions about you based on your skin, your weight, your clothes, etc. This is just another example of how ignorance leads people to judge unfairly.

Being a part of this community, I know that there are a ton of kind, helpful, lovely people who happen to share a passion for growing our hair long. For me, it's a hobby. I'm sure some people have other motivations, but to me, it's not really any different from any other hobby. I should add that my hair has never been anywhere near as long as the women's in the gifs, but it got my hackles up thinking of the great people on this forum who do have hair that long.

To be fair, there were plenty of non-judgmental or complementary comments as well. The negative comments just stood out more.

I think it's also necessary to comment on how freaking beautiful those ladies' hair is! So healthy and gorgeous!

Please share your thoughts! I'm interested on others' viewpoints on this subject.

[nekosan]

I've always been more comfortable in dresses/skirts (when i was in junior high/high school, ankle length skirts in particular). That plus my long hair has made many people assume that i'm religious or (when i was younger) that my parents were very religious and strict and forced me to dress like that. I found it extremely odd to hear people whisper about that, and corrected the very few who straight-out asked me.

I love long hair, and i'd love to have hair as long and healthy as the people in those gifs. That doesn't seem to be in my genetics, though.

The best thing to do is not read the public comments. =/

[leilan]

I don't have an imgur account, but perhaps there's someone who might be interested in making a post to clear up some of the misconceptions. After all, the best cure for ignorance is knowledge!

The main thing I got from this was that it reaffirmed that we will all be happier in the long run if we can stop caring what other people think of us. Easier said than done, but it's still something to strive for.

[MsPharaohMoan]

meh, the people who have nothing better to do than post mean stuff on the internet hold far too much sway and influence over our lives. You're right, it's a hobby. Something to make you happy. Hobbies for me are those quirky things you do that are opportunities to express yourself and for once not have to worry what others think.

Thanks for posting those gifs though, gorgeous girls with gorgeous hair -wipes drool-

[nekosan]

One thing that really bugs me is when people comment negatively on men who have long hair. A lot of people think it's "hippie" or "unmasculine" or "unprofessional" or some such nonsense. I love long (well-kept) hair on everyone.

[lithostoic]

That's imgur for you. It's a bunch of dumb kids, not really an accurate representation of real life.

[samanthaa]

"As someone who's not allowed to cut her hair due to religious reasons, these comments are a huge blow to my self esteem :("

^ A comment from one of the videos, which is incredibly sad. Why are these people so judgmental? I don't understand the people who are saying it's "gross." Hair is hair is hair. What's the difference if it's at MBL or calf length? Some of those comments were incredibly hurtful.

But the two gifs of the women letting their hair down...wow. Both of them have gorgeous, healthy hair! I'm so jealous!

Most of these comments are born of ignorance, I think. There's was one that said something along the lines of, "I don't understand why you would grow your hair that long only to wear it up all the time" when the point is, well, if you don't wear your hair up to protect it, it's never going to get that long anyway! At least, it won't get that long and look as healthy as the two women from the gifs.

[lulikrueger]

If you do feel hurt about that kind of comments, try to avoid reading that section when you sense there's ******** coming.
I really never cared about comments like that, specially because they're usually my polar opposite. Once this lady said my then classic length hair looked like one of a religious fanatic to try to insult me, but me and my friends just laughed at it, 'cause we know I'm far from that.
If you're not a psycho or a spoilt-princess-roommate-whatever, there isn't a reason for you to be offended nor give them any attention.
As long as you're happy with your length, just block out those nasty comments, 'cause someday they'll see they were being judgemental, close minded little ****s.

[leilan]

People are quick to judge, or even hate, things that they don't understand. Men and women who have never had any interest in long hair are not going to understand our motivations.

I'm happy that I could share the gifs with you, though. Makes it worth it to wade through the crap comments to see that pretty hair!

[lulikrueger]

I find it funny the blonde girl thinks religious fanatic is at TBL, I find that to be just where I start considering it to be long-long hair haha

[Adorkable One]

I put food in my hair to keep it healthy, and cut split ends off strand by strand. Come on, that's kind of a little bit crazy. Lol. Just like with anything else, there are always going to be people whom simply dislike what we like. There are people who love it, hate it, and those whom are indifferent but make inane comments for the sake of being part of a conversation. And just like with any other group of people, there are always trends and stereotypes. Personally, I find it funny, and I think embracing the humility is healthy.

I don't think that last gif was mean spirited. It's a stand up comedian, and her joke plays off a stereotype. It's not particularly cleaver, but I got it, I chuckled. I think another funny stereotype is the amount of people here whom seem to love anything celtic or renaissance. Heehee. (self included)

I will agree though that some things are harder for me to brush off. Like nekosan, I find myself feeling offended by people who criticize men with long hair. I think it's sexist, and not enough people stick up for these men, so I feel partially responsible for changing that stigma. Still, I don't expect to change people's minds, but, I by no means intend to be agreeable with them either.

[lulikrueger]

The people who think the older parts of hair are gross or dirty kind of make my eyes roll, hair is one of the few parts of the body(together with bones) that don't exactly go rotten.

[littlestarface]

I put food in my hair to keep it healthy, and cut split ends off strand by strand. Come on, that's kind of a little bit crazy. Lol. Just like with anything else, there are always going to be people whom simply dislike what we like. There are people who love it, hate it, and those whom are indifferent but make inane comments for the sake of being part of a conversation. And just like with any other group of people, there are always trends and stereotypes. Personally, I find it funny, and I think embracing the humility is healthy.

I don't think that last gif was mean spirited. It's a stand up comedian, and her joke plays off a stereotype. It's not particularly cleaver, but I got it, I chuckled. I think another funny stereotype is the amount of people here whom seem to love anything celtic or renaissance. Heehee. (self included).

And lotr oh man so much love here for lotr (me too btw):lol:

[leilan]

I put food in my hair to keep it healthy, and cut split ends off strand by strand. Come on, that's kind of a little bit crazy. Lol. Just like with anything else, there are always going to be people whom simply dislike what we like. There are people who love it, hate it, and those whom are indifferent but make inane comments for the sake of being part of a conversation. And just like with any other group of people, there are always trends and stereotypes. Personally, I find it funny, and I think embracing the humility is healthy.

I don't think that last gif was mean spirited. It's a stand up comedian, and her joke plays off a stereotype. It's not particularly cleaver, but I got it, I chuckled. I think another funny stereotype is the amount of people here whom seem to love anything celtic or renaissance. Heehee. (self included)

I will agree though that some things are harder for me to brush off. Like nekosan, I find myself feeling offended by people who criticize men with long hair. I think it's sexist, and not enough people stick up for these men, so I feel partially responsible for changing that stigma. Still, I don't expect to change people's minds, but, I by no means intend to be agreeable with them either.

This is a very good point! Many of us do some really 'out there' things in pursuit of long, healthy hair. My view of it is that it's no different from my sister buying coral frags from the back of a guy's car in a mall parking lot for her salt water tank. We do some weird things in pursuit of our hobbies!

I LOVE your point about humility. That is such a good skill to practice. The phrase that comes to mind is 'water off a duck's back'. Don't rise to the bait!

I'm thinking more and more about making an account to dispel some of the misconceptions highlighted in the comments. It's a really small action, but it might change one or two people's opinions for the better. Hmmm... I wonder if it's worth the effort.

[lapushka]

To be totally honest, I'm not a fan of "bun drops" or people who stroke or extensively comb their long hair or make videos just to show off their hair. I will never get that. I find this a tad creepy, and I have long hair. I mean, I'm sure it's perfectly fine to show it off, but there are creeps out there and you need to be aware of the world that you live in. Just my 2cts...

ETA
Just to clarify I do love watching hair videos, when there's a subject matter, like an updo, or an instructional video of some sorts, or hitting length goals or such, but just hair to show "hair" without a purpose, I will never get. Maybe that's just me. :)

[Night_Kitten]

Beautiful hair on both those girls :)

I usually avoid the comments section, and not just in hair-related articles / posts, as about 90% of the commenters seem to want to spill out their negativity / make themselves feel better by putting down someone else (without facing the consequences of doing it in real life rather than anonymously on-line)... No matter what subject the article is about, only a very small portion of commenters actually write sensible stuff they thought through before posting... The rest are a bunch of bored kids, web-bullies and people who have nothing better to do with their lives...

[sumidha]

Somehow I doubt women wearing skin tight miniskirts and uploading gifs of their bun drops onto the internet are religious fanatics...

There will always be people that make rude comments on things they see as different or outside the norm. Ignoring those comments is part of being different or outside the norm. I'm not trying to minimize anyones hurt feelings or come off as unsympathetic, but I don't really understand why you (the generic you, not anyone in specific) would give a rats a** what random idiots on the internet say.

[cailinbee]

I've only had as long as about BSL hair (proportional to my size) twice in my life; I've had more bobs than any other hair style. And yet I've never seen how long hair, no matter how long, is somehow gross or inappropriate...? It's part of your body, you get to decide what to do with it. Jeez, people.

[Entangled]

Really long hair is one of the things most people don't see too often, because it's one extreme body manipulation that takes simply time and patience. That said, I hate the comments people leave about long hair, and avoid them because its annoying and a little stressful to read so many people unabashedly and often hatefully policing someone else's appearance that I admire because it's atypical.

I'm also not a fan of the "woman who hasn't cut her hair in X years gets a makeover" videos. One popped up on my Facebook newsfeed because my mom shared it. This one had the best friend interviewed who said she's been trying to get her friend to cut her hair for years. Those bug me, especially because the after hairstyles are often really difficult to maintain, require frequent salon visits and heat styling, and involve makeup that said makeover person is unlikely to have the skill or patience to carefully apply every day. Why does it need to be standard issue layered APL or bob? Since I know my mom's not the hugest fan of my hair and I try to please people and avoid confrontation, I'm defensive about my hair and try to wear it down and manipulate it as unobtrusively as I can. I'm not confident about my texture, and since a recent comment as some relatives were discussing my hair ("It's so long and healthy!" "You can see all of the broken bits (read: baby hairs, not much breakage) sticking out, but it's not too thin"), I've been keeping it out of the way even more. People just go bug-eyed.

[chicken]

First of all: I live in Germany, in a not-so-big town. We don't have (or rather have) people who are not allowed to cut their hair because of their religion. So I wasn't confronted with this opinion.
I have hair between TBL and Classic, I wear it up most of the time. But if I wear it down, I only get to hear compliments. Hair that long is not so common in my area where I live. Young girls have about BSL but women have almost short hair - or, if long, not longer than shoulder. So my hair length is something special to have a look at...

[Theobroma]

OK, I clicked on the first two and speed-read perhaps 20 or 30 comments for each. That's quite enough to convince me that these people have no clue and are definitely not engaging their brains before typing. Come on, religious vibe in shorts and skin-tight mini dresses? What religion would that be? Come on, her hair as proof that she takes no sport seriously when her clothing hides nothing and she clearly has good muscle tone and not an ounce of excess body fat?

Honestly, there's no law that says anybody has to like, or admire, or even be impressed by, extremely long hair. But those so-called reasons for disapproving of it are so self-evidently daft that I hardly know why we're even bothering to discuss them over here! They really aren't worth the attention... ;)

[Blissful337]

There are always people to have negative comments about everything. I'm trying to grow my hair out from a short bob. I've had many different types of hair lengths from long to short. When I had short hair I used to love looking at cute bobs and pixies for inspiration and I would see negative comments about really short hair as well. People love to judge and think that they know what is best. Unfortunately it's just the way life is. That's why I'm not big into social media. LHC, and Pinterest, are the only ones I'm on and I don't even read any comments on Pinterest. I only pin things for inspiration and ideas. As long as you're doing what makes you happy...nothing else really matters.

[RustyAl]

One thing that really bugs me is when people comment negatively on men who have long hair. A lot of people think it's "hippie" or "unmasculine" or "unprofessional" or some such nonsense. I love long (well-kept) hair on everyone.

Yes, its rather annoying. Since i have got comments "you look feminine" or "you look like a girl", which couldnt be further from the truth, its more of a stab or attempted insult. I had an old job that wanted me to cut my hair as they said people with long hair are unprofessional, I ignored them and didnt cut it. Luckily have a new job that doesnt care at all about hair length just that I perform well at my job (which how it should be).

You will always get people you go out of their way to be nasty or say try to insult you. Just look at youtube as well you get some people you say negative things there for absolutely no reason. Just ignore those people who have absolutely nothing better in their lives to sit at their computer and say negatives things about someone. I found you will always get more positive comments than negative ones. Of course its always easier said than done, but rather focus on the positves

[gregh]

I get different vibes from people (usually ones I am not around as much) depending on how I wear my hair. Bun = trying to be young and hip. Ponytail/Down = midlife criss, hippie. Anything else = weird and you're making me uncomfortable. The last is by far the most annoying to me. Yes I am venturing outside your comfort zone but it's just hair and it's not yours anyway. I would probably be a bit more adventurous fro time to time if that didn't bother me so much.

[MINAKO]

Really... whatevs!! :rolleyes:


https://youtube.com/watch?v=CtY5bv-oxLE

[gregh]

Yeah lame of them, and of me for letting it bother me.

[MINAKO]

Yeah lame of them, and of me for letting it bother me.

Oh i didn't directly refer to your post, more like the comments left on the imgur gifs in the original post. Like who tf do people think they are, especially on the internet... Like there is anything that doesn't get any hate and ridicule. Too fat, too skinny, too old, too young, too long... short, naturally ugly, disgustingly fake, trend victim, old fashioned blah blah blah. All the people who write this **** clearly reflect what unsatisfied, pathetic and self concious low lifes they are hiding behind the screen. They would go off on literally anything as their daily dose of "how to cope by trying to make others feel bad too" . This time it's long hair... At least it's there for them to judge.

[humble_knight]

To me, one of the darker sides to the internet is its power to enable people with nasty aspects of their personality to vent them on a website and fear no repercussion because of anonymity.

[MINAKO]

To me, one of the darker sides to the internet is its power to enable people with nasty aspects of their personality to vent them on a website and fear no repercussion because of anonymity.

It's fun until people realize someone made the effort to identify them and post screenshots to their employers social media, maybe not for something like hair but i've seen people getting fired for racism and anti-LGBT posts that way :DDD

[Pantha]

What is wrong with being a bit different, if we were all the same wouldn't life be soooo boring, the people who are rude about people who are different are normally covering the fact that they are scared of standing out themselves.