Feeling really down about my hair

[Nesoi]

First of all: this is NOT a fishing for compliments post!

I'm feeling really blue about my hair. When it was short I was so looking forward to having it long again. Now it's waist length I just feel it looks totally blah. Too wavy to be shiny; too straight to get beautiful curls; colour like the underside of a placemat :( Boring texture, boring colour, boring style. I don't think my hair is that thick but I still can't do a nautilus. I find it impossible to do any braid that isn't English and at the side of my head. I haven't had good results with fancy tea washes and things so I just CWC with regular old shampoo and conditioner. Any toy that isn't a plain metal two-prong hurts my head. And the worst part is I'm having a terrible growth stall so I feel like nothing is ever going to change. Haven't even bothered posting my length shot this month because what is the point? It hasn't grown. Again. Last month I felt OK about it but this month I feel like crying!

Just feel it's boring and cr*ppy and like I might as well cut it all off again. I don't know what's brought it on, really. Wondered if anyone else wanted a moan, I suppose :confused:

[spidermom]

Is there something stressful going on in your life? I often find that I take my frustration out on my hair.

[Arctic]

Aww, many of have these feeling temporary - and suddenly we kind of see our hair with new eyes again and it's beautiful :sun:

Don't worry about nautilus or any one bun, there are so many to choose from if one doesn't work! And when bored, my favourite tip is to not neccessarily practice new bun per se, but change bun placements, number of buns, part placement, style or not having a part, and styling the front of your hair differently. All of these, espcially the last two, have a big effect on what you see in the mirror, so they are powerful methods to swipe away any boredom. Scarfs and such are easy to use too, and will change how you look. And with your sidebraid, coil it into a side bun, that looks different from the front too! Sometimes temporary shock colours are fun too, but they can take months to fade away - or might not stick at all.

[browneyedsusan]

Aww, that stinks.
FWIW: I think the color and style in your avatar is lovely. There is something about you blonettes, that is very eyecatching.

Is there any chance your hormones are running? Sometimes that really gets me in a funk. Mine is about WL too, but it's really hard to see any change in body markers at this length. What's worked for me in the past is to put it up and forget about it for a couple of months or 3.
You've grown from a buzz. Do you remember how to :lala: and pretend it's fabulous? Start hauling those old tricks out of your back pocket. You've done it before, and can totally do it again.

:grouphug:

Yours in remembering growing out from super-short,
browneyedsusan

[Ophidian]

Aww, many of have these feeling temporary - and suddenly we kind of see our hair with new eyes again and it's beautiful :sun:
.

X2 :)

I'm sorry you are feeling meh. It will pass, but I know it's no fun. Hang in there.

[kittengirl]

When I get super grumpy about my hair I try to wear it up and ignore it for awhile; I often find after a bit it suddenly seems better! In your avatar you hair looks lovely! Maybe hang in there awhile and see if it feels better....or get a new hair toy you have been wanting? Sometimes we just need something out of routine to perk things up.

[luxurioushair]

It looks great to me. Hope you start to like it more soon.

[Nique1202]

First of all: this is NOT a fishing for compliments post!

I'm feeling really blue about my hair. When it was short I was so looking forward to having it long again. Now it's waist length I just feel it looks totally blah. Too wavy to be shiny; too straight to get beautiful curls; colour like the underside of a placemat :( Boring texture, boring colour, boring style. I don't think my hair is that thick but I still can't do a nautilus. I find it impossible to do any braid that isn't English and at the side of my head. I haven't had good results with fancy tea washes and things so I just CWC with regular old shampoo and conditioner. Any toy that isn't a plain metal two-prong hurts my head. And the worst part is I'm having a terrible growth stall so I feel like nothing is ever going to change. Haven't even bothered posting my length shot this month because what is the point? It hasn't grown. Again. Last month I felt OK about it but this month I feel like crying!

Just feel it's boring and cr*ppy and like I might as well cut it all off again. I don't know what's brought it on, really. Wondered if anyone else wanted a moan, I suppose :confused:

Almost everyone who grows out from very short reaches a blah phase at some point. Nothing that used to work works anymore, and it feels like none of the pretty things that you were hoping to be able to do with your hair will work yet. Mine lasted from just past APL all the way to hip.

As for the texture, there are lots of no-heat curling methods that might give you some oomph when you want to wear it loose, and even a couple of methods for drying hair straighter if you want to go that way. The colour, you're probably light enough that you could do a deposit dye treatment either in very deep colours (red, violet, green) for streaks of interest, or just a darker natural colour all over for a change with no damage.

The nautilus you might be able to manage if you do it with half your hair first, then wrap the rest of the hair around the bun (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZvXrEOfJ4w). This is usually referred to as sectioning a bun, and it usually helps. Also, the disc bun (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iViNkltTb9Y) might suit you and there's nothing wrong with a cinnabun, though you may want to get a set of spin pins from eBay or Amazon to play with because they hold like a dream and if you get the blonde ones they should be practically invisible in your hair.

Braids need practice, that's really all there is to it. Find a video on YouTube that shows what your hands are supposed to do, and try it once or twice a day. It took me two weeks of practice just to get twin dutch braids to a point where I could wear them in public without feeling like I'd be laughed at, and much longer before they started to look at all even. It took me even longer to get the hang of a french braid. It takes time and patience but you can master whatever braiding technique you like if you try hard enough, all it takes is the ability to hold your arms above your head. It will feel like your arms are made of lead at first but the strength will build up with your practice as well.

If you'd honestly prefer to have your hair short, that's alright too! Long hair isn't to everybody's tastes. But before you chop it all back and feel wistful and regretful again, consider whether it's just the mid-length blah speaking or an honest desire to not have long hair anymore. Some soul-searching will lead you to the right answer for yourself. :blossom:

[Lemon*]

When I'm not feeling great about my hair, I will wear it up for a couple days. Sometimes I'll give myself a small trim, or even get good haircut to add some shape to it.
Also, trying new hairstyles to change it up, crown braid, robe braid bun, etc. That can help me.

[MINAKO]

Oh i've been there too but i think it was the final step of being able to make it past tailbone that brought some relief. When i cut my hair short it was the most dramatic big chop ever for me, from damaged hip length to healthy popping wurls between chin and collar bone. It was the first summer ever for me to wear my hair mostly down and absolutely natural, which i liked, then as it grew the texture looked weighed down but frizzy again. So i did blowdry to bouncy waves some layers, blah. At waist i trimmed straight across and mostly worn buns from there in which i did find boring. But it was just then when i got into how exactly to care for my hair the best way. So i saw alot of improvement in texture and shine.
So nust keep expirimenting and you won't get bored. If it's curls you want then work on incorporating setting trchniques in your routine. If its straightness that you wish for try wrapping or even think about if you want to commit to a smoothing treatment.
I'm all pro adjusting to what you enjoy wearing the most. You can try catnip rinses, more different oils. Cassia etc. there's a ton of indian herbs i yet have to make it to.
As for the braids, if you really want to improve on those keep trying, maybe a hairdresser head to practise would help you out. Unless you come to the conclusion that you like short hair better there really are ways to keep the boredom off.

[Cg]

Plus you can do something for yourself non hair-related to feel better, too. Lunch with a friend or a little trip to a new venue just for fun could take your mind off your hair and rejuvenate your spirit.

[adastra]

I often feel like my hair blahs come when a bunch of things aren't going right. I'm frustrated at work, my hip hurts, I need to go clean up a hairball, I'm tired, there's a big stupid zit on my nose, and... WHY ISN'T MY HAIR DOING WHAT I WANT? I don't always notice that there's a spiral of blah until I have a bit of time to myself.

For me, I can usually work through hair blahs by thinking about all of the things that I do like about my hair - and all of the time and effort I've put into getting this far. I window shop for pretty hair toys, do a nice oil treatment, spend a while gently detangling... and read LHC posts that reassure me that other people feel the same frustrations. ;)

[Nesoi]

Wow!! I don't know what to say! I didn't really think anyone would read this thread, never mind take the time to leave such nice, supportive comments. What a lovely community we have here :grouphug: Thank you all so much!

Those of you who very astutely guessed that there is other stuff going on in my life are absolutely right. I don't usually post here about RL stuff but I am currently: buying a house, trying to get PhD funding, grieving the loss of a loved one and battling a bit of a tricky episode with my mental health. That makes me sound like a terribly misery-guts ;) I'm not, I promise! But you are right that I am probably taking it out on my hair.

The thing is that I DON'T want to cut it, I just want it to be...better. Different. You have all left me some fantastic suggestions to try. Thank you all so much. I am overwhelmed!

[lapushka]

Those of you who very astutely guessed that there is other stuff going on in my life are absolutely right. I don't usually post here about RL stuff but I am currently: buying a house, trying to get PhD funding, grieving the loss of a loved one and battling a bit of a tricky episode with my mental health. That makes me sound like a terribly misery-guts ;) I'm not, I promise! But you are right that I am probably taking it out on my hair.

The thing is that I DON'T want to cut it, I just want it to be...better. Different. You have all left me some fantastic suggestions to try. Thank you all so much. I am overwhelmed!

Yeah... definitely keep that all in mind. You are taking it out on your hair. Just don't do anything rash, promise?

[sumidha]

Everyone feels this way at certain points, I know this is easier said and done, but benign neglect is your friend if you can manage it; try to just put it up and forget about it for a while, and focus on other things in your life that you find fulfilling. :grouphug:

[meteor]

And the worst part is I'm having a terrible growth stall so I feel like nothing is ever going to change. Haven't even bothered posting my length shot this month because what is the point? It hasn't grown. Again. Last month I felt OK about it but this month I feel like crying!

Just feel it's boring and cr*ppy and like I might as well cut it all off again. I don't know what's brought it on, really. Wondered if anyone else wanted a moan, I suppose

So sorry you are feeling this way! :grouphug: But you know, this too shall pass. I notice, you mention that the worst thing is that the hair hasn't grown at all... but then, you mention "I might as well cut it all off again"... I'd say: please, please don't cut or even trim it at this moment! Think about it this way: no matter how long the growth stall is, if you actually cut it, you'll only slow down your growth gain at this point, so please either shift the focus to something else (while putting hair up and forgetting it) or maybe try some fun new styles? :) I find accent braids, twists in the front, even new types of partings all add interest to old hairstyles. Who cares if the nautilus isn't doable yet :cool: (I still can't do it at mid-thigh), many buns tend to look pretty similar from the back anyway, it's the little accents, new positioning of buns, added coronets/headband braids, sectioning and doubling/tripling of buns etc that can make serious difference even if you are constantly doing variations on the exact same bun ;) I'd try to do something fun with hair, but if it doesn't work or it currently feels annoying, I'd just leave it alone, not do anything rash and focus on something else instead. :flower:

I've definitely been there before and I had to learn that the biggest thing IMHO about getting to next length goal is simply not doing certain things, not pushing too much and simply waiting it out through some inevitable frustrations along the way.

Your hair is absolutely beautiful, by the way, Nesoi! :applause


Wow!! I don't know what to say! I didn't really think anyone would read this thread, never mind take the time to leave such nice, supportive comments. What a lovely community we have here :grouphug: Thank you all so much!

Those of you who very astutely guessed that there is other stuff going on in my life are absolutely right. I don't usually post here about RL stuff but I am currently: buying a house, trying to get PhD funding, grieving the loss of a loved one and battling a bit of a tricky episode with my mental health. That makes me sound like a terribly misery-guts ;) I'm not, I promise! But you are right that I am probably taking it out on my hair.

The thing is that I DON'T want to cut it, I just want it to be...better. Different. You have all left me some fantastic suggestions to try. Thank you all so much. I am overwhelmed!

Ouch, all those things are so tough! I hope everything will work out well! I think it's natural to take out frustrations on external things like hair... a bit like going to the gym when one is angry... but please don't take it out on hair, because it can only give very temporary satisfaction (like scratching an itch), but unfortunately can take years to fix later due to the very nature of hair and its slow growth. I'd just hide it in a bun and try to forget about it for a while and go for a run or do something active, something fun instead. Or better still, try to do something that will help resolve some of the issues currently at hand, if at all possible. :flower:

I really hope you'll feel much better soon and things will turn out great for you! :love:

[browneyedsusan]

Wow!! I don't know what to say! I didn't really think anyone would read this thread, never mind take the time to leave such nice, supportive comments. What a lovely community we have here :grouphug: Thank you all so much!

Those of you who very astutely guessed that there is other stuff going on in my life are absolutely right. I don't usually post here about RL stuff but I am currently: buying a house, trying to get PhD funding, grieving the loss of a loved one and battling a bit of a tricky episode with my mental health. That makes me sound like a terribly misery-guts ;) I'm not, I promise! But you are right that I am probably taking it out on my hair.

The thing is that I DON'T want to cut it, I just want it to be...better. Different. You have all left me some fantastic suggestions to try. Thank you all so much. I am overwhelmed!

Lots of life drama, eh? No wonder you're in a stall! It'll pass. Just fasten your seatbelt and ride it out. :)
Darn right you don't want to cut it! It was a giant PITA growing it out in the first place! --You know I'm right, my super-shortie sister.--

Keep us posted and let us know how it goes. We all go through tough times in life and with our hair. We're pulling for you. :)

[Lavendersugar]

You just wrote how I feel about mine. At the beach I saw all these girls with long hair and they clearly don't take half the gentle approach most here do but their hair looked nice and silky. There I was with straight but puffy hair that was in tangles even in a ponytail.

I have a poor body image too so I think I see my hair the same way.


I don't have any great advice except what works for the masses doesn't always work for the individual. Work with your hair and not against it.

[Qz]

Hormones combined with emotional upheaval have always caused me some hair angst. My hair is not stunning in any way and is acceptable at best, but its mine and I hope to keep it growing until I can see how long it will get. I'm getting so old that very few older ladies like me have hair past shoulder length, so I'm kind of a stand-out only for that, kind of a hair notoriety I suppose.

When I was younger, say, up until my 40s and the onset of the "change" I took out my hair angst by chopping it off myself to mimic some really pretty short style I saw someone like Racquel Welch sporting, or some such nonsense, thinking it would make me prettier. Well, I'm no movie star and it usually just caused me to have to get up earlier every morning to do my curl and spray routine to make it look at least not limp and flat...

I guess my point is that we often project our looks based on our feelings, and particularly when grieving we tend to do some crazy things with not only our hair, but with everything in our lives trying to find some relief. All I can tell you is that the older you get, and the less hormones you have surging through your body, the less you'll be inclined to actually take these often radical actions as increased patience seems to be the reward for the physical changes you'll go through.

Hang in there, it will get better. :D

[Blissful337]

Sounds like you are going through a lot right now so it's understandable you are feeling this way. Sometimes I take my emotions out on my hair too and I always chop it off to feel "fresh" again. I joined LHC to help keep me from chopping away at my hair. I'm trying to take better care of it with weekly coconut treatments, scalp massages and I switched to sulfate and cone free shampoo and conditioner. I'm trying to focus on the things that are nice about my hair and not the negatives. I have always been so critical of my hair color and hair type. I am finally sick of "beating" myself up about my hair and will start to learn to love the hair I was born with.

[Nesoi]

Hi again guys,

Thank you again for all your very helpful comments.

Don't worry Lapushka - I won't be cutting! I have decided to take some positive steps instead.

I decided I am going to engage more here on LHC instead of thinking my hair isn't long enough and I don't know enough to offer anyone any advice or be of any use to the community. I love it here and this thread has taught me not to be so afraid of joining in!

I am also going to stop posting on the monthly length thread because until I started, I was SO GOOD at just putting my hair up and forgetting about it. It's a lovely thread for those enjoying it but I have decided it is not for me.

I have subscribed to some more hair channels on YouTube and will actually try some of the styles I see there and on here, instead of assuming I have not got enough length.

And I have decided to start practicing braiding instead of moaning about how I'm no good at it and just hoping I magically will wake up one day a seasoned braider! I decided that as there is at least one hour per evening when I'm watching tv/reading on my kindle/waiting for DH to finish his turn on the PS4 I will use this time to practice braiding each evening. That way as I will not be going out it doesn't matter if it looks terrible, and it will give me something to do with my hands instead of biting my nails!

Tonight I tried fishtail pigtails (fishpig tails?) and they look goofy at the top and they are wonky and fluffy etc but they are recognisably fishtails, right? A good start I think ;) Sorry the light is terrible in here right now:

http://i939.photobucket.com/albums/ad235/ohnointernetto/6d91aafd-67c1-4311-ad71-33668e68dc5b_zpsp1cway8q.jpg (http://s939.photobucket.com/user/ohnointernetto/media/6d91aafd-67c1-4311-ad71-33668e68dc5b_zpsp1cway8q.jpg.html)

I am feeling much better about my hair. My mother reminded me I am the only person in our family to have my grandmother's hair colour and texture. Everyone else has very fine, blonde hair and I should be grateful for this connection to her. I also reminded myself that when I was at shoulder I would have wanted to murder anyone moaning about being at waist! :hatchet:

Thanks again everyone :grouphug:

[meteor]

^ Yay! So happy to hear you are feeling much better, Nesoi! :D

Beautiful fishtail braid - so nice and intricate! :applause And wow, that's your first try? :bigeyes: Great stuff!! :thumbsup:

[school of fish]

That fishtail braid is a far sight better than my first attempt, I can tell you!! Nice job :D

I didn't get to commenting fast enough when you first posted but am really happy for you now that you've found a renewed contentment in your hair as it is right now :) Sometimes a little interaction and support from the community is just what the doctor ordered to help us redirect and feel good about things again.