Hair thought bothers me; indulge me

[spirals]

a bit of venting? I have two friends: a woman close to my age and her mom. Daughter had hip-length hair for most of the time I've known her and just cut it to above APL. Now, it's cute and I don't begrudge anyone the right to do whatever with their hair, but I'm a bit sad. Mom and I were discussing Daughter's cut and Mom said the long hair "did nothing for" Daughter, that at 40 she looks older with long hair. I responded "Uh, I'm 42..." (My hair is hip stretched and no one has any complaints about how it makes me look...)
I mentioned that I happen to agree with the opinion that a woman's long hair is her crowning glory and in a defense of short hair Mom said "What about cancer patients?? What's their crowning glory?" Come on, now; it's not like they choose to lose their hair. Why was that even brought up? Really... I informed her there are people who have grown their hair out after losing it and she was just shocked. She really thought that once you lose it to chemo it never comes back. :confused: She also seems to think that after 40 everyone's hair automatically thins and that's another reason to cut it. So everyone is genetically the same? I just...no.

Anyway, out of all this what really bothers me is the thought that long hair over 40 is aging, that it is automatically going to be thin and brittle, that loose hair is boring, that it "drags down the face--uh, no, gravity does that--and that it's inappropriate.

She said a lot of those things, not all, but it's clear she agrees with the assessment. It's a popular thought and I believe that's because it's one of those axioms people repeat without really thinking about it. Society at large says these things are true, so no one questions them. And that's ignorant. I love my friends dearly and they have good hearts, but this and other conversations I've had tell me they follow society like sheep. I'm growing out to prove the axiom wrong.

[MlleMC]

Well, I wouldn't have guessed that you were over 40, so it certainly doesn't seem aging in my eyes!

[Anje]

Many people simply repeat things without actually analyzing them. Really, I suspect everyone does this to some extent or another because there's a limit on how much one can truly investigate all the factoids thrown around, or meditate on what one personally thinks about any given socially-common statement and its potential unintended impacts. Obviously, I consider it optimal to do such examination before repetition, but time constraints can be a real obstacle.

I'd just brush it off as one of those unconsidered-yet-adopted statements; it's rather apparently not an actual thought that she applied to you. Frustrating, but commonplace and unintended.

[Goddessa]

To be honest, my grandma with the thigh length black hair would probably look younger if she were to cut down to mid-back or so. But you know, she's a bad ass goth motorcycle riding great granny and has no such patience for this "society thinks ______" nonsense. ;) I'd much rather be inspired by that.

*p.s curl envy!

[Stepo_NiNha]

In some cases short hair can actually make you look older.

It's a big myth saying that long hair ALWAYS makes you look older and "heavier"...maybe in some people but not all.

It's like saying "if you trim your hair more often, it grows faster", totally wrooong; the only thing it does is helping to stop breakage.

But people repeat and repeat these myths without thinking twice and totally sure this is true! No matter what you say will change their mind :horse:

And yeah, I agree, you don't look 42

[pili]

I'm with you Spirals!

My mom has the same thoughts. She is constantly getting on me to cut (thankfully my dad, hubby and sister are 100% with me growing it long!) A hundred years ago everyone would have been appalled at the thought of a woman cutting off her hair because of her age.

Unfortunately, people feel the need to make sure conformity reigns supreme. Just ignore it. At best you can make a person saying these things understand that they are being rude to you by making such blanket statements. Be the beauty you want to be, and maybe change their thinking by example.

[Nique1202]

My mom has consistently been told she looks younger since she started growing her hair out even though she also stopped colouring over her grey streaks. It's to the point that every person who doesn't know yet refuses to believe that she has a 28 year old daughter. She's turning 52 in a few months and people assume she's in her mid-30s, even with an X-Men style Rogue streak going on at the front! (I'm still complaining about getting carded all the time because I look half my actual age, but at least I know I have some good years to look forward to if I take care of myself!)

Every person should be able to do to their appearance what they will be happy with, because it's joy and confidence that makes one seem younger, not an arbitrary hair length. I hope that in this day and age attitudes are starting to turn around about this sort of thing because it's so hurtful to people who don't want to do what everyone else does just because everyone says that's the thing to do.

[Mya]

I don't think her opinion is popular, it's just utterly ignorant. I don't know if bringing up cancer patients is sillier or pettier... what a low. What about dead people? Don't take pride in breathing, because they can't. :bigtongue:

If anyone's hair is going to thin after 40, it's likely because they let hairdressers do anything on their scalp for their whole life. After a lifetime of going to her hairdresser/butcher, a relative of mine went natural and so much of her hair grew back, that after 3 years her ponytail circumference has gained 2 centimeters and her hemline is super thick. She's 65+ years old and her hair type is fine.

Btw, you look 20-something years old in your avatar pic, at most. :Star::Star::Star::hollie:

[Mya]

Unfortunately, people feel the need to make sure conformity reigns supreme.

Totally! Just doing something because so-and-so says to!

[Mademoiselle]

I think long hair does not have to be related to age, my mother is 53 years old and her hair is around the waist and is very nice! I think it has to be the shape of your face that is determined haircut that fits you best, not age.

[Mimha]

Long hair is cool to look younger : you just put it up in an ultra tight bun and you've got an instant lifting, ha ha ha !

[Pearly~91]

I feel your pain! I agree, that is a really common opinion. Maybe it's especially popular in the northern mid-west? :rolleyes: I'm young enough that this particular argument hasn't been applied to me personally, but I have older cousins that have felt a lot of this pressure to conform. I've heard really similar conversations play out over and over.

I think it's just an opinion that somehow forms in a culture that people don't stop to think about, they just hear it and repeat, and it is so popular that people hardly ever challenge it. I think Anje summed it up pretty well.

Many people simply repeat things without actually analyzing them. Really, I suspect everyone does this to some extent or another because there's a limit on how much one can truly investigate all the factoids thrown around, or meditate on what one personally thinks about any given socially-common statement and its potential unintended impacts. Obviously, I consider it optimal to do such examination before repetition, but time constraints can be a real obstacle.

At least you challenged the idea, you gave her an example of something different to consider. If we give society enough examples of the alternative, hopefully we can make them think! :eyebrows:

[lapushka]

Oh well, she's entitled to her opinions and thoughts, I guess. It wouldn't affect me one bit. :shrug:

[nekosan]

Yeah, i've heard that "you can't have long hair after you're X years old" before. I just ignore it. Tho it's funny to see people backtrack when i tell them how old I am; "oh, well, it looks good on you, i just meant in general." :rolleyes:

[spirals]

Frustrating, but commonplace and unintended.
Really the crux of the issue.


Be the beauty you want to be, and maybe change their thinking by example.Great advice, as is this:
Long hair is cool to look younger : you just put it up in an ultra tight bun and you've got an instant lifting, ha ha ha !


I feel your pain! I agree, that is a really common opinion. Maybe it's especially popular in the northern mid-west?
Yeah, conformconformconform feels like an upper midwest mantra to me. I've been here 13 years and I still hate that.


Tho it's funny to see people backtrack when i tell them how old I am; "oh, well, it looks good on you, i just meant in general." :rolleyes: My friend did the same.


Well, I wouldn't have guessed that you were over 40

*p.s curl envy!

Btw, you look 20-something years old in your avatar pic, at most.
Thank you all. :o

[reilly0167]

I am 48 and certainly I do not care about what society thinks or says about what is appropriate for anyone male/female no matter what age how they should conform to a particular look, length or what have ya. What matters here is how it makes you feel, if you happy with it, that all that matters:)

[Qz]

Nevermind.

[Anje]

Really the crux of the issue.

Yup. It doesn't make it stop hurting, but my mantra is, "Do not ascribe to malice what can be explained by ignorance."

[endersworld]

Honestly, it's sort of a dream of mine to be a little old lady with a silver braid down to her butt, and I don't intend to cut it between now and then. However, I'm most definitely in the minority within my community.

It seems to be an accepted practice around these parts that women cut their hair up to chin- or pixie-length shortly after getting married and having kids; the argument is usually that having long hair around babies is too much work. The funny part about that is that I watch their kids in the church nursery multiple times a week with my hair down, and have little to no issues.

As far as long hair making you look older, I'd argue the reverse! Long hair is a hallmark of someone who is healthy enough to maintain the growth of their hair. Health is generally associated with youth. Therefore, I immediately associate longer hair with appearing more youthful and healthy.



Long hair is cool to look younger : you just put it up in an ultra tight bun and you've got an instant lifting, ha ha ha !

:agree::applause:joy::laugh:

[pailin]

I've been told I look older when I cut my hair short too. Of course when I was 24 and sometimes supervising much older people, that was helpful. I've also been told that my single side braid makes me look younger. So I've decided I don't care if I'm supposed to have short hair now. I'm going for the long hair I always wanted as a child.

[spirals]

Yup. It doesn't make it stop hurting, but my mantra is, "Do not ascribe to malice what can be explained by ignorance."

That's a very, very good thing to remember if you work retail!

[Llama]

I've always thought that for the most part, short hair makes you look older and long hair makes you look younger. I feel like most people agree with that but the same people will say that older folk shouldn't have long hair. Whatever :rolleyes:

[Horrorpops]

So my mother says much the same, as do alot of women I know. The whole "long hair makes you look older" thing.

Interestingly I remember a BBC documentary that looked at health, body and aging. They did an 'experiment' where they got a group of mothers and daughters and swapped their hair styles, so the mothers typically got long hair styles and the daughters got the 'mum-bob's' and the shorter looks. When asking strangers to estimate their ages they consistently over-estimated the ages of the daughters and underestimated the ages of the mothers. Their conclusion was that its likely that the perception that long hair is aging doesn't hold much truth and rather that long, shiny hair suggests youth and vitality.

I know its not super scientific but I thought it was really interesting and worth a share :o

[lapushka]

I'm not generally easily bothered by things like that - I mean in the grand scheme of things (and my other issues I deal with on a day to day basis), it really is nothing. I don't believe it's very good to ponder things like this for a long time and to draw them out - even though you said "indulge me". I'm sorry, it's just the way I view things, I suppose. :o You'll more than likely find a *lot* of people like this. That's why I like it here, no pressure into doing a thing with my hair. And I keep it up in general, so nobody really sees it (can't start a debate). I'm fairly easy going on things like this, and the comments I don't like I just generally shrug off - can't change people.

[browneyedsusan]

Let that crazy talk go in one ear and out the other! Lovely, Mary Jane (http://www.maryjanesfarm.tv/FarmRomance.asp) looks great, IMHO. :)

My hair is nearly hip, most of my co-workers are half my age and know how old I am, but the new hires haven't a clue. They know I'm older than they are, but not by how much!

Long hair is as aging as you let it be. A chipper attitude, and spunky spirit go a long way to keeping you young!

@Goddessa: I'm going to grow up to be your granny!

[JustPam]

Yup so many people around here say that too, but I think the opposite, long hair is symbolic of youth/health and short hair is what all the little old ladies have.

I remember a TV drama series we watched in school about a family living in WW2 times, and the eldest daughter, about 15 years old, begs and pleads the parents to let her get her hair cut into a bob so she would look older and they wouldn't. She eventually did get the haircut after she got headlice from school and she was over the moon because she looked about 21 (much to her dad's shock when he got home from work that episode).

[MlleMC]

This thread made me remember an old lady I used to know, who was about 75 last time I saw her, and had the most gorgeous and thick BSL/waist hair (definitely a iii). It certainly didn't age her, and for it to have thinned, she would have needed to have the thickest hair ever before!

[lillielil]

I have never understood the "drag you down" comment. I heard it the first time when I was in my early 20s, in the context of "enjoy your hair while you can, because once you get any older it will drag you down."



I picture this hair as some sort of sea-creature - driven by instinct and greed - rising from the depths and snaring 30-something women by the ankles, pulling them deeper and deeper under the waves until they bob limp on the current.

[spidermom]

well my hair is long enough that I can pull it nice and tight onto the top of my head and actually drag my face UP! (hahahahahaha)

[pili]

I have never understood the "drag you down" comment. I heard it the first time when I was in my early 20s, in the context of "enjoy your hair while you can, because once you get any older it will drag you down."



I picture this hair as some sort of sea-creature - driven by instinct and greed - rising from the depths and snaring 30-something women by the ankles, pulling them deeper and deeper under the waves until they bob limp on the current.

Someone with drawing skills needs to make this a cartoon. You know, like the newspaper editorial cartoons.

[lillielil]

Someone with drawing skills needs to make this a cartoon. You know, like the newspaper editorial cartoons.

I tried to do it in MSPaint and failed so hard.

[spirals]

I've always thought that for the most part, short hair makes you look older and long hair makes you look younger. I feel like most people agree with that but the same people will say that older folk shouldn't have long hair. Whatever :rolleyes:Because they don't want older folk to look younger than them, maybe. True in at least some cases.

[Gaalsong]

Honestly, it's sort of a dream of mine to be a little old lady with a silver braid down to her butt, and I don't intend to cut it between now and then. However, I'm most definitely in the minority within my community.

Ooh, this is my dream, too. Long gray or white hair is so gorgeous.

[Stepo_NiNha]

Ooh, this is my dream, too. Long gray or white hair is so gorgeous.

Its also my dream when I'll get old but I don't tell anyone :hmm:

[Anje]

Honestly, it's sort of a dream of mine to be a little old lady with a silver braid down to her butt, and I don't intend to cut it between now and then.

Yep. I fully intend to have long white hair when I'm old. :)

[Dommydomdom]

Honestly, it's sort of a dream of mine to be a little old lady with a silver braid down to her butt, and I don't intend to cut it between now and then. However, I'm most definitely in the minority within my community.


Ooh, this is my dream, too. Long gray or white hair is so gorgeous.


Its also my dream when I'll get old but I don't tell anyone :hmm:


Yep. I fully intend to have long white hair when I'm old. :)

Me too! Does anyone remember the movie Pollyanna (1960) - my favorite part from when I was a little girl was when her aunt takes down her long, gorgeous, gray hair :) She looked so much younger than when it was pulled up into a severe updo.

[teddygirl]

"a woman's long hair is her crowning glory"
I'm sure glad women have nothing else of use nowadays. Thanks for that.

Otherwise, I also don't subscribe to the theory that all women over X age should cut their hair. My mother is currently growing her hair out and it looks wonderful! She is a natural redhead so the reds and silvers all mix together. It's quite pretty.

[spirals]

"a woman's long hair is her crowning glory"
I'm sure glad women have nothing else of use nowadays. Thanks for that.
How do you get that an example of a good quality negates all the others? That's quite a mental leap.

[teddygirl]

How do you get that an example of a good quality negates all the others? That's quite a mental leap.

Perhaps you are not familiar with this part of the bible. But it basically says the womans only point in life is to provide comfort to a man, and not be an equal.
Adhering to outdated doctrine is more the mental leap IMO.

[Qz]

Honestly, it's sort of a dream of mine to be a little old lady with a silver braid down to her butt, and I don't intend to cut it between now and then. However, I'm most definitely in the minority within my community...



This made me laugh out loud, not because it's so funny, but because another 10 years and I will be a little old lady with a silver braid down to my butt :D


I have never understood the "drag you down" comment. I heard it the first time when I was in my early 20s, in the context of "enjoy your hair while you can, because once you get any older it will drag you down."

I picture this hair as some sort of sea-creature - driven by instinct and greed - rising from the depths and snaring 30-something women by the ankles, pulling them deeper and deeper under the waves until they bob limp on the current.

Yikes! That does sound ominous!


well my hair is long enough that I can pull it nice and tight onto the top of my head and actually drag my face UP! (hahahahahaha)

Hahaha, that's hilarious! I wish my hair would drag my wrinkles up, but I think I'm gone past that, still funny though.

[spirals]

Perhaps you are not familiar with this part of the bible. But it basically says the womans only point in life is to provide comfort to a man, and not be an equal.
Adhering to outdated doctrine is more the mental leap IMO.

I'm familiar with it and the cultural background. I didn't say anything about adhering to a doctrine. I simply said I agreed with an opinion on hair and femininity.

[spirals]

As far as my hair conversations with non-LHCers, I suppose I should not have them. If they don't have long hair or are not members here, it's probably safe to assume they have adopted the idea that short hair is youthful, so there's no point in discussing it. They have been assimilated. Resistance is futile.

[Pearly~91]

As far as my hair conversations with non-LHCers, I suppose I should not have them. If they don't have long hair or are not members here, it's probably safe to assume they have adopted the idea that short hair is youthful, so there's no point in discussing it. They have been assimilated. Resistance is futile.

That's not necessarily so! You just have to be able to ignore the majority of the culturally brainwashed. Stick with the oddballs and you might have better luck! The problem with that is that the oddballs are often well disguised. (I say this as a well established member of the oddball group.)

[spirals]

(I say this as a well established member of the oddball group.)Haha, me too! Just wait until I go grey. If I don't color it I will really be an oddball.

[languagenut]

It seems to be an accepted practice around these parts that women cut their hair up to chin- or pixie-length shortly after getting married and having kids; the argument is usually that having long hair around babies is too much work. The funny part about that is that I watch their kids in the church nursery multiple times a week with my hair down, and have little to no issues.


Actually, long hair comes in handy when you've got kids! When you're pushing the toddler in the shopping cart, you can give him/her your braid tassel and he/she can can tickle his/her face and be happy for hours! :D I always do that, they love it.