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elisa_p
May 1st, 2016, 03:57 PM
Hi All,

I posted last week that I very stupidly did a Japanese hair straightening treatment that I absolutely hate. The hair is straight but it's still frizzy and there's a lot of damage. I literally went from fine (moderately damaged through heat styling) curly hair to this. I read through all the articles and I understand there's nothing I can do about this now. But I'm having a very hard time dealing with this. I've been crying every single day and almost getting anxiety attacks thinking about how long it's going to take me to grow all this damage out of my hair and get my real hair back. How did all of you deal with this? Did you just say F it and not think about it? I feel so unattractive and the thought of this over my head for the next year and a half is just killing me. Any tips would be much appreicated. As an FYI - I have started a regime of weekly olaplaex and coconut oil treatments and am thinking about adding a protein to it as well. But i'm still shedding more than normal. I hope I actually have hair left after this. :(

meteor
May 1st, 2016, 04:11 PM
So sorry you are going through all this, elisa_p! :( :grouphug:


How did all of you deal with this? Did you just say F it and not think about it?

Pretty much! :D Put it up and forget about it is the best thing I've ever done for my hair.

Give it all the necessary TLC but don't expect much from it: it takes a while to recover the mane. One day you'll take it down and think "when did my hair get so long and healthy-looking"?
Remember that hair is the second fastest growing tissue in a human body (after bone marrow), so it will grow no matter what, as long as you are healthy. Try to shift your focus and know that your hair will thank you for some good downtime. Your Olaplex, coconut oil & protein treatments plan sounds awesome. :thumbsup: Stick to that, watch how your hair responds (and be ready to adjust if needed - e.g. more or less protein or oils...) and leave the hair protected in updos during daytime and silky/smooth bonnets/scarves for bedtime.

But for the shedding concern, I'd definitely see a doctor, get full bloodwork done as well as show the doctor your scalp to rule out skin conditions. :flower:

Sorry you are going through all this! I wish you speedy recovery and really strong regrowth! :cheer: It will get better! :cheer:

PixieP
May 1st, 2016, 04:39 PM
I know how you feel; I had a perm 6 years ago that completly and utterly ruined my hair. Sheeps wool look healthy and glossy compared to what my hair looked like. I won't lie; it took me a long time to start liking my hair again. I had to cut off a lot of it after a year and only a year after that did I start really liking my hair again.

But hope is not lost! Find things that work for you. My hair at the time was too short to experiment with updos etc (not even SL). Try buns, braids, try out silk scarves braided into your hair, fun accs, maybe now could be a good time to try out a wild (chemical free) haircolour on the ends of your hair?

It all feels extra hopeless now since it's so fresh. I promise you, in two weeks time you'll feel way less stressed out. It will get easier! *hugs*

blue_eyes
May 1st, 2016, 04:50 PM
I've been crying every single day and almost getting anxiety attacks thinking about how long it's going to take me to grow all this damage out of my hair and get my real hair back. How did all of you deal with this? Did you just say F it and not think about it? I feel so unattractive and the thought of this over my head for the next year and a half is just killing me.

More hugs! :grouphug:
I think many of us have felt this way before. :( I experience this feeling about 3 years ago, when my hair had massive amounts of breakage and I began growing out black dye. I knew it was going to take 3-4 years to grow it all out (I'm just reaching the 3rd year now), and I've felt horribly unattractive throughout the entire process.
It was really tough for me during the entire first year, but it got easier and the time seemed to fly by. Keep busy and focus on other (non-hair related) things, and you'll be surprised how fast the months go by.

Just remember that the time will go by no matter what, and the new growth will add up! Rant and cry when you need to, but remember that in the long run everything will be okay. :) Thankfully hair grows back! As hard as it is right now, it won't last forever.

As a side note, since I wasn't spending a dime on my hair anymore and felt so horribly unattractive, I put that money towards some new clothes and makeup. I don't know if you're into things like that, but it's just an idea. :)

lapushka
May 1st, 2016, 05:01 PM
I permed my hair a few years ago. It was shoulder length and riddled with white dots (at least half of it). I chose to grow it out, and I did, all the way to hip. My mom then did the biggest S&D session ever, and I was left with half of my hair (that thin). It had to be cut back up to BSL. I did wear my hair up from the moment I could start wearing it up, and that helped hugely. All those white dots could have broken off much sooner (and then I would be left with very short pieces), but they didn't thanks to wearing it up every single day!

There is indeed not much you can do. Can I ask why you went and had the treatment done in the first place? Were you tired of your curls. If not there are different ways to deal with frizz and it comes with product use and methods used to wash and take care of the hair. It will be fun learning this as you grow your texture out. Think of it that way.

elisa_p
May 1st, 2016, 05:34 PM
Thanks everyone. It's nice to hear that you've all been there and it's turned out OK for you. I can't believe I'm having such a hard time with this and the stress is totally not helping my hair grow. Lapushka, it was such a stupid decision. I embraced my curls for a long time and last year, started straightening my hair quite a lot. I even did a agave smoothing treatment last year and loved it because it was super easy to blow dry and flat iron. Because of that, I started looking into JHS a couple of months ago because I (stupidly) thought that it would make my life easier if I didn't have to flat iron. I didn't do enough research and thought that everything would be OK. I had such rose coloured glasses on. If I just stopped and thought for a second and asked myself am I ok with this turning out horribly bad I wouldn't have done it. Even with all that flat ironing, the days I wore it curly, it was frizz free and nice. My hair has been super tolerant of my neglect until now. I should have quit the straightening and gone curly again for a while to give my hair a break. :(

spidermom
May 1st, 2016, 05:36 PM
I know when you're looking ahead to a year or two, it seems like a long time, but it isn't. Time passes so quickly. This will be a thing of the past much quicker than you're able to realize right now.

elisa_p
May 1st, 2016, 05:53 PM
Thanks Spidermom, I try to keep telling myself that. I'm 33 and the last few years have just flew by so I'm trying to tell myself that before I know I'll be out of this mess (and I'm NEVER going in for anymore chemical processing). It's just been really difficult. Did any of you start feeling better once you saw your new growth come in? If I can just make to 4 inches (ear length) then I'm thinking I can cut to a shoulder length bob and it'll make me feel a lot better and closer to the end date. My hair is fine, so I usually wear it a little longer than APL so I don't have a ton of re-grow to do after getting my own hair back to SL, if that make sense. Thanks so much for listening to me. I feel like a crazy person right about now.

lapushka
May 1st, 2016, 06:00 PM
Thanks everyone. It's nice to hear that you've all been there and it's turned out OK for you. I can't believe I'm having such a hard time with this and the stress is totally not helping my hair grow. Lapushka, it was such a stupid decision. I embraced my curls for a long time and last year, started straightening my hair quite a lot. I even did a agave smoothing treatment last year and loved it because it was super easy to blow dry and flat iron. Because of that, I started looking into JHS a couple of months ago because I (stupidly) thought that it would make my life easier if I didn't have to flat iron. I didn't do enough research and thought that everything would be OK. I had such rose coloured glasses on. If I just stopped and thought for a second and asked myself am I ok with this turning out horribly bad I wouldn't have done it. Even with all that flat ironing, the days I wore it curly, it was frizz free and nice. My hair has been super tolerant of my neglect until now. I should have quit the straightening and gone curly again for a while to give my hair a break. :(

OMG this is so heartbreaking to read... I'm so sorry. But stick around, and we'll help you through this - no doubt. It's going to have to happen one inch at a time, but you can do it! :D

IMMHO, it's better to let it grow out, and wear it up (summer is coming, you'll want to get it off your neck) than to cut it short, because you'll still have damaged bits left and no way to hide it by wearing it up.

Nightshade
May 1st, 2016, 06:20 PM
Thanks everyone. It's nice to hear that you've all been there and it's turned out OK for you. I can't believe I'm having such a hard time with this and the stress is totally not helping my hair grow. Lapushka, it was such a stupid decision. I embraced my curls for a long time and last year, started straightening my hair quite a lot. I even did a agave smoothing treatment last year and loved it because it was super easy to blow dry and flat iron. Because of that, I started looking into JHS a couple of months ago because I (stupidly) thought that it would make my life easier if I didn't have to flat iron. I didn't do enough research and thought that everything would be OK. I had such rose coloured glasses on. If I just stopped and thought for a second and asked myself am I ok with this turning out horribly bad I wouldn't have done it. Even with all that flat ironing, the days I wore it curly, it was frizz free and nice. My hair has been super tolerant of my neglect until now. I should have quit the straightening and gone curly again for a while to give my hair a break. :(

Ouch, you poor thing :( I grew out tons and tons of damage (my hair had broken off from hip to APL it was so bad), so it can be done. My best advice is to take heart in the small wins. Microtrim often, and savor when you can push your trim back an extra week. Enjoy the better hair days (because you won't feel you have a 'good' one for awhile). Make your point of reference where you are so you can celebrate where you're going rather than comparing what you had to what you're trying to undo. :grouphug:

All that said, "giving your hair a break" wouldn't have done much, honestly. Damage with hair is cumulative, so it's often "just fine" until it "isn't fine." That's how it was with me and dye, and it's a story I've seen over and over and over here. My hair was taking dying fine, up until it all broke off. I know that doesn't help you now, but it's something to keep in mind for your new growth.

endlessly
May 1st, 2016, 07:58 PM
I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you!

When I've made terrible hair choices, I've often found myself in the "just try to forget about it" club as stressing and worrying definitely don't make it any better. I had a horrible hair cutting experience that took nearly 5 years to grow out, so I definitely understand what you're going through. My best advice? Try to find something else to keep you busy and just try to be as gentle with your hair as you can.

Sarahlabyrinth
May 1st, 2016, 08:08 PM
I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you!

When I've made terrible hair choices, I've often found myself in the "just try to forget about it" club as stressing and worrying definitely don't make it any better. I had a horrible hair cutting experience that took nearly 5 years to grow out, so I definitely understand what you're going through. My best advice? Try to find something else to keep you busy and just try to be as gentle with your hair as you can.

This is just the best advice. I once had to grow out a perm, and another time had to grow out BLACK permanent hair dye. Never again :rolleyes:

Laccaria
May 1st, 2016, 08:24 PM
When I was dealing with growing out from bleach damage my mantra was that everyday I did nothing*, my hair was getting a tiny bit better. Every shed hair ment a new fresh hair was getting started. Every microtrim ment a tiny percentage more of my hair was undamaged.

*Obviously, I don't mean "nothing" in the sense of ignoring things like basic cleansing, moisturizing and protecting. I just mean "nothing" in the sense of trying to process it in any way to "correct" the damage.

elisa_p
May 1st, 2016, 10:06 PM
Thanks everyone. This has really helped calm me down a little. Laccaria, I'm going to try and adopt your way of looking at it. Instead of looking at how much is damaged, I'll try and think about how it's slowing getting better day by day. Hopefully in a few weeks, I won't feel so devastated about what i've done. I wish I was better able to adopt the whole it's just hair it'll grow philosophy.

DoomKitty
May 2nd, 2016, 01:36 AM
I don't know if anyone has mentioned this already but I found that zinc and silica supplements really seemed to help with growing my hair out (plus the added benefits of being great for my skin). But I hope you feel better soon about what happened and I'm really sorry this happened to you...I had a perm that turned my hair to jelly about 3 years ago.

Horrorpops
May 2nd, 2016, 02:35 AM
:( awww honey that sounds terrible. I guess most of my damage was when my hair was already short so it's a little different but I guess I just did what I could and rocked what I had. Like yeah my hair was bleached to death but I wore cute headbands and accessories and just embraced what I've got and tried not to dwell on what I didn't.

Tbh I think that's a good approach to life in general :o

Hope you're feeling better soon!

Wusel
May 2nd, 2016, 03:12 AM
This is just the best advice. I once had to grow out a perm, and another time had to grow out BLACK permanent hair dye. Never again :rolleyes:

OMG... you with black dyed hair...never again, yes. I love your light color SO MUCH! :)

Jadestorm
May 10th, 2016, 02:27 PM
I'm so sorry it has gone so wrong for you. I haven't done anything similar, but like probably almost all of us I also had my share of damage from doing things like using torturous hair toys, permanent colorings and also from medical problems.
It's best to take extra good care of your hair, but just make that a habit and other than that to 'forget' about it for a while. It sounds like it's really hard for you, but focusing on it or obsessing over it will only make it so much worse for you, emotionally. And it won't make the damage go away any quicker, so really it is totally not helpful.

But, there is good news too. The beauty of hair is that it grows back. (Unless due to certain circumstances of course.) In most situations hair bounces back from whatever you do to it and after a while all will be forgotten. When it gets damaged, it isn't forever. So I hope you'll find some comfort in knowing that. Focus on more important things in life. And when you do that, before you know it your hair will be in better shape. Best of luck!