"I think you look better with shorter hair" said Mum

[Snowlily]

So last night, my mother and I were just chilling in front of the box and she randomly comes up with "I think you look better with shorter hair, it's more bouncy and lifts you more. Long hair just drags you down"

I then spent 30 mins trying to justify why I am growing my hair.....

Anyone else have anyone sow a seed of doubt and you subsequently question your hair goals?

/facepalm :doh:

[diddiedaisy]

I do think there is an awkward length that didn't look great on me. It was just after collarbone but before apl, it stayed looking not quite right up until I got to nearly bsl. Now I am at bsl I think it is starting to suit me better. Maybe if you have had shorter hair for a long time, which I did shoulder to cbl, it just takes a bit of getting used to. If that's the case you and everyone else will get over it and get used to it, besides which it's no-one elses' business how you have your hair. Enjoy it for yourself. :)

[Zesty]

My stepmother always says the same thing about long hair dragging your face down. When I cut my hair from TBL she was so pleased. But I don't really get the argument since I always had/have my hair up. The effect is similar to very short hair, so how could it drag me down? :confused:

Anyway, grow long hair for you and don't worry about what other people say. It can be hard when the people you love say negative things about your hair, but often they eventually come around anyway.

[gregh]

People did that all the time, though less and less as it got longer. I just never really tried to justify it to people and tried to brush it off. Many of the reasons I wanted long hair and that I like it now that it is getting long would seem silly to most, plus they probably aren't going to change their mind based on anything you say. People have a hard time with change but eventually they will get used to it. Even my mother who is not a fan threw me a compliment the other day.

[Estrid]

My mother used to talk about how much she liked the really short hair on me (2 cm long), show photos from that time etc. That went on for years when I constantly tried to decide how I wanted my hair, and did 5 attempts to grow it out (ended up cutting it). But now she knows I am growing it out *for real*, she has seen some of the hair toys I have and I handed some to her. It was probably more than a year ago I heard her mention short hair.

It is useless to listen to things like that when you know that you will attempt longer hair again and again every time you fall back and cut. Better just stick with what you want and ignore what other people say.
I have days when I miss my neck length hair, days when I miss being able to run my hands through my hair and not get stuck in it. But I've wanted long hair for so long and I obviously didn't feel 100 % good with the shorter hair (since I don't have it anymore), so why cut it?

[lapushka]

OMG and it's "only" about 20 inches. :) What is she like, going to say when it gets *way* longer? Just ignore her comments. You are at an awkward length right now and it's hard enough to get past that on your own, without nasty comments dragging you down.

/ignore.

[pailin]

My mother has always been very nice about it but clearly also prefers short hair on me. She used to make comments about how now that I live somewhere really hot, I should go ahead and cut it short so it'll be cooler. She also really notices that it gets flat on top. Last year I had a friend notice that my hair was getting long and suggest it was time to trim.
Those things definitely made me question my hair goals. I asked opinions of a couple other people and they liked it long. Then I found LHC :)
One thing that has also helped for me is learning to do some styles that put more volume around my face, since that neutralizes the 'your hair wouldn't look so flat if you cut it, the length pulls out your waves' argument.

[Wusel]

OMG and it's "only" about 20 inches. :) What is she like, going to say when it gets *way* longer? Just ignore her comments. You are at an awkward length right now and it's hard enough to get past that on your own, without nasty comments dragging you down.

/ignore.

I second that. Around 18-20" was an awkward length for me too and it looked really bad. But now it's great and I get lots of compliments.
Ignore it and let it grow. :)

[endlessly]

My mom makes comments like this all the time, so I know what you're going through. It's never bothered me enough to cut my hair, I just tend to ignore it or stress to her for the thousandth time that I'm not cutting my hair so I look "cute".

[Eastbound&Down]

My mom does this with my hair color.I was very very blonde as a child and have since become a brunette. I love my hair just how it is, but every now and again, she will bring up me bleaching it blonde. The problem with that is, I've done it before and we both agreed it wasn't that flattering on me. I think it comes from a good place, but can still be irritating. I would try to brush it off.

[Wusel]

My mom does this with my hair color.I was very very blonde as a child and have since become a brunette. I love my hair just how it is, but every now and again, she will bring up me bleaching it blonde. The problem with that is, I've done it before and we both agreed it wasn't that flattering on me. I think it comes from a good place, but can still be irritating. I would try to brush it off.

Your mom actually WANTS you to bleach your hair??? That's strange... And rare... Most parents are exactly the opposite.

[Snowlily]

So great to hear your stories :)

Mum also says I should highlight it too - but my hair hates being dyed - it just breaks off just at the slightest handling. Besides, I have fully accepted my natural blonette hair colour and I want to see what shades it goes naturally when longer anyway!

Its an awks length at the mo but I just hit APL!

[Sarahlabyrinth]

My mum said this to me for years. She began saying it when I was 18 -20. So for years I would grow my hair to around APL then chop it back to my ears. Finally I decided to grow it "properly" long, to please myself, for a change, instead of her. During the last two years she has stopped telling me to cut it short and had begun admiring and complimenting it long.

Just decide to have your hair the way YOU want it. After all, it's on your head, not hers. And you won't get thudworthy long hair if you chop it off.....

[chen bao jun]

Your mom actually WANTS you to bleach your hair??? That's strange... And rare... Most parents are exactly the opposite.

No, its not rare, unfortunately. I have known quite a few women who have had the experience of reaching puberty and having their mother (it's always the mom, never the dad for some reason) want them to bleach their hair. They don't want to give up the little blond baby they had. Or --something.

They don't usually say 'bleach', they say something like 'get back the hair you had' 'lighten it up a little'--they use euphemisms. The idea is that the daughter is actually still a blonde (since she was originally) and that this is a restorative thing they are doing, not an actual change.

In the worst case I knew, the mom didn't really ask permission--she just did it--and the (then) 12 year olds hair really broke off. so the mom had a daughter who felt bad about herself for two reasons--not only had she lost value by having her hair turn the 'wrong' color (and you know those nice words that people have for dark blonde/light brown hair, 'mousy' 'dishwater' etc) but she had severely damaged hair that had to be cut off (not by her choice) at an age where teens' appearance is really important to them.

I wish it was rare, but it really is not. At least not in the US. I've lived in quite a few different states and it seems the same everywhere--at least everywhere where there are large number of people who are blond as kids.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

Wow, Chen, that's awful!

[Eastbound&Down]

Your mom actually WANTS you to bleach your hair??? That's strange... And rare... Most parents are exactly the opposite.


No, its not rare, unfortunately. I have known quite a few women who have had the experience of reaching puberty and having their mother (it's always the mom, never the dad for some reason) want them to bleach their hair. They don't want to give up the little blond baby they had. Or --something.

They don't usually say 'bleach', they say something like 'get back the hair you had' 'lighten it up a little'--they use euphemisms. The idea is that the daughter is actually still a blonde (since she was originally) and that this is a restorative thing they are doing, not an actual change.

In the worst case I knew, the mom didn't really ask permission--she just did it--and the (then) 12 year olds hair really broke off. so the mom had a daughter who felt bad about herself for two reasons--not only had she lost value by having her hair turn the 'wrong' color (and you know those nice words that people have for dark blonde/light brown hair, 'mousy' 'dishwater' etc) but she had severely damaged hair that had to be cut off (not by her choice) at an age where teens' appearance is really important to them.

I wish it was rare, but it really is not. At least not in the US. I've lived in quite a few different states and it seems the same everywhere--at least everywhere where there are large number of people who are blond as kids.

Exactly what Chen said. It's actually very common, especially in the south where I'm from I've noticed. Even now as an adult with my own children, it gets brought up occasionally. Most recently was I think about a week ago. I just remind her that I don't look good with that color anymore and if I was supposed to be blonde, it wouldn't have gotten dark.

[Phanaferous]

Ah, mothers. Yes, I've gotten a rendition of this from my mom over the years, along with other gems. Luckily I'm pretty laid back and most of the time it's water off a duck's back. Smile and nod, then do what makes you happy with your hair.

[SwanFeathers]

Most people who whine about sombody else's appearance are trying to deflect attention from some imperfection they see in themselves. Your goals make be making her doubt her hair decisions

[MlleMC]

My mother used to say that a lot. I had many short cuts over the years, and while they did suit me pretty well, I still prefer long hair. But recently, she was the one to give me my first hairstick, so I think she's made up her mind. ;)

[Horrorpops]

Awww gotta love mum's and their opinions! :o I think its best to treat parents preferences as just that. She might like your hair that way but luckily as an adult your preferences come first in regards to your hair!

[Sweets]

My parents very always supportive of my hair choices and phases, and didn't worry about it too much. They think both flatter me. I feel like short hair is really edgy and feminine on me, which is why I kept it faux-hawk pixie for years and years (ok 5, but it feels like longer). My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, and he met me with the short hair. I was attempting to grow it out when I met him, but he pushed and pushed for me to keep it short and kept telling me to get it trimmed. I had my last chop in septepber or something, and it was as short as it's ever been, but that was it. I'm ready for long hair again!

His comments were frequent at first - but they have slowed down a LOT. Now his next thing is dying it blonde if it's going to be long. I don't get what he doesn't understand about virgin, healthy hair! I used to henna, but he didn't like red on me. Which is fine, it's one less thing for me to worry about! He doesn't comment much any more :)

[SparrowWings]

I find having my grow/cut cycle helps with that a lot. When it starts getting really long (TBL+), and people comment on cutting it, it just makes me more stubborn about not cutting it until I'm good and ready. After I've cut it, I have a ready answer for any comments, whether about cutting or growing -- "It'll be back to where it was in 3-5 years, and maybe I'll cut it again then, but until then, growing!" -- which pretty effectively cuts off the conversation if it was headed anywhere negative. Though, there are some fun comments that come from it, too... My BF's sister-in-law spent the first 6 months or so after my last cut declaring that my hair "grows like a weed" every time she saw me, and that was when it (at least in my perception) was in its slow-growth phase!

[neelgagan16]

in my case, my mom loves long hair but dad prefers very short hair on me! he's always asking me to cut my hair short when I grow it.;)

[MINAKO]

I even think i look better with shorter hair myself but the last time i checked my mane didn't ask for my opinion. Its there and i will stay long... End of story haha.

[Gaalsong]

I think about this sometimes. I work in an office environment with a lot of "done up" ladies. The style is always to have "volume" and "lift." I do switch my part sometimes, or use bobby pins to make a little poof in the front before doing a bun, to get some volume-ish-ness. Or today, I made a french braid starting at the front and going around the side into a side bun. Something to give interest in the front so it's not just flat or slicked back. But I'm not growing my hair out to be trendy, so sometimes I have to remind myself that I am okay with a more natural look, and to stop worrying about everyone else.

[czech it out]

My mom said the same thing when I began my hair journey. She is a shortie when it comes to hair and just could not understand why I wanted to grow mine out! Fast forward to present day (almost 5 years later) and she cannot stop talking about how much she loves my long hair. The other day we were hanging out together and she gave me yet another hair compliment. I asked her, "Hey, do you remember when I first started growing my hair and you were always telling me to cut it/that it looked better short?" She was shocked. She could not remember ever saying such a thing! So don't worry about trying to justify (it will probably go in one ear and out the other). Just keep doing what you like and with a little luck she'll come around!

[spidermom]

Everybody is entitled to an opinion.

And so am I.

[axonal]

I definitely feel your pain. My mother and sister both repeatedly make comments about how my hair looks bad longer. After a childhood of chin-length hair because my mom thinks "it frames your face so well!", I'm finally growing. It's great to hear from some of you that your family members eventually came around.

[irishsapphire]

Mine isn't that I look better with it, they are concerned about the weight causing headaches (chronic headache/migraine diagnosis of every headache variety out there, except hangovers, haven't had one of those yet.) Anyway... It comes from a good place, wanting me to be okay, but hair length/weight doesn't affect headaches.... At least they don't argue too much and once its longer everybody (close family members - everybody else is too scared to)asks if they can brush it or braid it... Still frustrating though... I feel too girly with short hair, I dont want to feel like a child.

[shrinkingviolet]

My mother never said that I looked better or worse with short hair, just younger.

[Wusel]

My mother never said that I looked better or worse with short hair, just younger.

That's what many people said to me too... Adding that a bun makes me look older, square and frumpy. Like a grandma.

[czech it out]

My mother never said that I looked better or worse with short hair, just younger.

Lord, this is certainly true for me. With my long hair, I'm beginning to think I will be carded (when buying alcohol) for the rest of my adult life haha.

[Madeleine13]

My mum wants me to get my hair styled but I feel so determined to get it to waist length.

[Brijna]

My father likes short hair in general, so he always wants me to cut my hair off. The rest of my family and my friends think long hair is good for me. My sisters and me are always competing about who got the longest hair (opticwise, an disadvantage for me, I am about 3-4 inches taller than them). But no one so far had hair much longer than BSL, I plan to be the first one (though my youngest sister is on her best way as well, I think she decided to not cut them as I don't do it... :D ).

[DisneyHairGirl]

My Parents were so sure I was going to cut my hair in the summer that they made a bet to the only person I let have scissors near my precious strands. They hate my hair and are constantly trying to persuade me to cut it by using arguments like you never wear down or do anything with it during an awkward stage.

[maborosi]

I sometimes think my boyfriend may want me to cut my hair a bit shorter. I almost never wear my hair down. But he likes it in a single braid a lot and he really loves the color, so I like to wear that for him.

But while I love him and take his opinion into account, at the end of the day, it's my hair and my hair alone. Ultimately it's on my head, and I am the one who deals with the majority of the pros and cons (majority...I have messed up vacuum cleaners before...) so it's my decision.

I don't think long hair 'ages' me in the negative sense of the word. It brings me more in-line with looking within 5 years or so, which is nice because I try to be professional.
When I had a bob, things were...different. It did the opposite for me and actually made me look way too young.

I still remember, I think I was 20 or so and my hair was still pretty short. I was out picking out flowers with my sister for her wedding, and the guy genuinely thought I was a junior bridesmaid. It was really awkward.

[PurpleKitty11]

yes! my mom is the same way and i caved into the pressure and cut my hair from tailbone to shoulder and it was my biggest regret, now i am regrowing my hair out.

[jazzhands]

Mine's the same! When I had a bob, she'd reprimand me for not growing it longer. Now that it's long, she wants me to bob it and get a fringe.