bye bye to the stupid long hair rule.

[copperlites]

I came across this article today and could not agree more. "Let it grow. Be awesome and screw the rule!"
http://www.ravishly.com/2015/05/26/bye-bye-stupid-long-hair-rule

[spidermom]

The only rule is: there are no rules.

[maborosi]

She looks really good with long hair, and it seems that it's becoming less and less frowned-upon for women over 40 to have long hair.

[Jadestorm]

Great article. Though I must say I never understood why so many women let society push them into doing certain things they don't want to do, or push them into not doing things they want to do and why someone else needs to speak up for them through an article like this. If you want to do something and it ain't harming anyone and isn't breaking any laws... Go for it! It's not difficult, it's just you being who you are.

[pailin]

One of the reasons I started growing my hair again in my late twenties was that no one had long hair past a certain age. Now I'm pushing 40 and I don't care. It's going to grow.

[TR]

I love the overall sentiment, but I do have a small criticism. The author had her hair cut off without her knowledge or consent at age nine, which I get could be very traumatic if a person is sensitive to that sort of thing (I personally had something similar happen at a young age but it didn't bother me. I also had hideous perms that I knew at the time were awful but I didn't care that much. Obviously not everyone has strong emotional attachment to their hair.). She states in the article that after the disaster at age nine she grew out her hair and has had it long since. She goes on to claim that she never looked good with short hair. Um, how would she know if she never had short hair except a single pixie cut at age nine, before she developed her adult bone structure? I get tired of people who have zero adult experience with short hair, or one single disastrous cut, saying they know they would look bad with all short styles. All short cuts are not the same. Kathy Bates is a good example. She generally wears a pixie, and is heavier and not model-perfect in looks. I've seen her in some fantastic and really flattering pixie cuts as well as some truly frumpy ones. Does she look bad with all super short styles? No. I've also seen her with different shoulder-length styles, some flattering and some not. Does she look good with all longer hair styles? No. I've had disastrous short haircuts too, but there are plenty of short styles that look really nice on me even though I have a round face and overweight body. I've never had waist length hair, would it make any sense if I stated that I KNOW I would look bad with waist length hair? Of course not. All waist-length haircuts are not all the same. Layers, bangs, different hemlines, coloring, even perms or straightening are options to make hair look completely different at any given length. It would be ridiculous for me to say I know for sure I would look bad with waist-length hair. Even if I tried on wigs I would still have no idea what my actual hair would look like in any waist-length style. Obviously the author loves her long hair and it's wonderful that she feels happy and comfortable wearing it, but I wish she would not have gone on the "I know I look bad with short hair" trail when she clearly stated she's only ever had a single short haircut at age nine. Couldn't she just have left it at "I love my long hair and don't want short hair" or even "I don't like short hair on other people so I don't think I would like it on me"?

[chen bao jun]

Oh, I don't know. I think sometimes saying you look bad with something you haven't tried is just a more socially acceptable way of saying "I DON"T WANT TO DO IT. Because people tend to argue with you less that way. If you're a non-confrontational type, it's a good out. Though of course not completely honest.

It's time for a change on the 'long hair rule'. I mean, a change in the sense that these things go in cycles.

The 20's generation associated long hair with not being modern and liberated. They were the flappers, remember. they entered their old age in the 1960's determined not to look like their mothers had, with long grey hair in buns. and felt more youthful and stylish keeping very short hair, curled and styled, until death, and thought it made look less elderly than their mothers had, even when they WERE elderly.

so of the generation that came of age in the 60's generation, seeing all the short hair on old ladies, decided that was the normal and proper 'old lady' thing.

So now that they (we) are old, it seems rebellious and going back to our youth to have long hair--the hippie hair of our youth, even if now grey.

Therefore, not 'everybody' but those who want to 'be themselves' and so forth will all have long hair, I'm guessing.

And for the the NEXT generation (in their 20's and 30's now) that will come to symbolize elderliness--the long loose hair--

The standard rule seems to be, that nobody wants to look like their mother's generation when they are young (frumpy, even if their mother in her time was stylish), and that when they are old, they do not what to look like their GRANDMOTHER looked, because that is what 'old age' looks like to them and they want to avoid it.

[pailin]

That's a great point, Chen

[TR]

Oh, I don't know. I think sometimes saying you look bad with something you haven't tried is just a more socially acceptable way of saying "I DON"T WANT TO DO IT. Because people tend to argue with you less that way. If you're a non-confrontational type, it's a good out. Though of course not completely honest.

Ha ha ha, I guess that sentence in the article pushed my buttons because as a frequent pixie-wearer I am FOREVER hearing, completely unprompted, "oh, I love your hair, it looks so great on you! But I could never cut mine because a pixie would look so bad on me! You're so brave." Which then prompts me to ask if the person has ever had a pixie, and the answer is usually either that she's never had one or she had a single awful one that she immediately began growing out. It feels like a back-handed compliment, though I try to give the person the benefit of the doubt and think that she really does like my hair and really is convinced that only some magical bone structure and body type configurations can successfully support a pixie, and that she does not possess such a magical configuration. In those cases I respond that there are all kinds of pixies for every face shape, and leave it at that. I much prefer the more honest-feeling comments like "your pixie looks cool but I love my ponytails and braids too much to try something like that", and of course even better are the compliments with NO qualifiers added. Kind of like the long-haired people here who complain because they receive a compliment that feels back-handed like "your hair is so pretty, but I could never grow mine so long" when it would be most polite to just say "your hair is so pretty" and not add on any qualifier. And I would never dream of saying to a person with waist or longer hair that I would never grow my hair that long because I "know" it would look bad on me, yet people seem to think nothing of telling me without any provocation that they "know" they'd look bad with my haircut even though they've never had it and even though "it looks great on you!". Sure, if I started off by telling someone she should cut her hair then I wouldn't be surprised to hear comments like that, but I would never dream of being so rude as to tell someone what I think she should do with her hair unless she asks for my opinion. So when the author wrote, out of nowhere, that she knows she'd look bad with short hair, it felt unnecessary when the whole article is about her feeling empowered to have her hair the way she wants.

[browneyedsusan]

Ha ha ha, I guess that sentence in the article pushed my buttons because as a frequent pixie-wearer I am FOREVER hearing, completely unprompted, "oh, I love your hair, it looks so great on you! But I could never cut mine because a pixie would look so bad on me! You're so brave." Which then prompts me to ask if the person has ever had a pixie, and the answer is usually either that she's never had one or she had a single awful one that she immediately began growing out. It feels like a back-handed compliment, though I try to give the person the benefit of the doubt and think that she really does like my hair and really is convinced that only some magical bone structure and body type configurations can successfully support a pixie, and that she does not possess such a magical configuration. In those cases I respond that there are all kinds of pixies for every face shape, and leave it at that. I much prefer the more honest-feeling comments like "your pixie looks cool but I love my ponytails and braids too much to try something like that", and of course even better are the compliments with NO qualifiers added. Kind of like the long-haired people here who complain because they receive a compliment that feels back-handed like "your hair is so pretty, but I could never grow mine so long" when it would be most polite to just say "your hair is so pretty" and not add on any qualifier. And I would never dream of saying to a person with waist or longer hair that I would never grow my hair that long because I "know" it would look bad on me, yet people seem to think nothing of telling me without any provocation that they "know" they'd look bad with my haircut even though they've never had it and even though "it looks great on you!". Sure, if I started off by telling someone she should cut her hair then I wouldn't be surprised to hear comments like that, but I would never dream of being so rude as to tell someone what I think she should do with her hair unless she asks for my opinion. So when the author wrote, out of nowhere, that she knows she'd look bad with short hair, it felt unnecessary when the whole article is about her feeling empowered to have her hair the way she wants.

I got the exact same comments when I wore pixies (15+ years because they are SO fun!) and had similiar thoughts: why do women think they'd look awful with pixies? There really isn't anything special about me. I'm not brave, I'm lazy: no tangles, no getting stuck in things, no putting it up before bed or on a windy/rainy day, color it every 2 weeks because damage isn't an issue, whatever. The only downside was having to visit the hairdresser every 4 or 6 weeks. That was inconvenient and expensive.

I like long hair for a whole different list of reasons, but it still boils down to laziness! :p

Now, "other" comments are coming: "Holey moley, I haven't seen you in forever, and your hair is SO long!" Umm. Okay, how am I supposed to take that?! It always strikes me as funny. (BSL or WL is the common for teenage girls, but women my age just don't do that! Not around here.) I rarely get: "Your hair is pretty", or "love the color", or anything like that. People just seem gobsmacked by WL+ on a 49 year old! I give my biggest smile and say, "Thank you!" and leave it at that. I mean, they meant it as a compliment, didn't they? Of course they did! :spitting:

[meteor]

I am so sorry that some people feel pressured to change their hair just due to age. :grouphug: It seems so random and pretty dictatorial.

And kudos to all the ladies and gents who proudly buck the trend! :toast: You pave the way for more liberty of self-expression for others! :D


Great article. Though I must say I never understood why so many women let society push them into doing certain things they don't want to do, or push them into not doing things they want to do and why someone else needs to speak up for them through an article like this. If you want to do something and it ain't harming anyone and isn't breaking any laws... Go for it! It's not difficult, it's just you being who you are.

Exactly! :thumbsup: For me, my hair is my body, so it's my extension of self and my individuality, it's deeply personal and has nothing to do with society, other people, their rules, biases, associations or whatever... I mean, they can certainly choose to apply their rules to themselves, but please leave me out. :flower:
Obviously, I put hair up or style it in rule-specific ways for specific sports, work, some events, etc, but that's the limit to how far I'll go and seems reasonable to me.

[spidermom]

Good points about people saying they look so bad in this, that, or the other thing when they've never in fact tried this, that, or the other thing. I remember somebody saying on here that they can't wear hats because "hats are rubbish on me". Seriously - every single style of hat? Nonsense!

[StellaKatherine]

I could say that short hair would not look good on me too. And I had my last short are at age of 5. How dare I say that :laugh: Actually I looked really cute and adorable with the soft curls and all ( mom spend hours on making my hair for photos ). And even now if I would cut it, I could be honestly MADE to look good if I would spend hours daily in putting it nicely. The thing is, my hair is not behaving very well the shorter it is. About 6 years ago I cut my hair to just under my shoulders. It looked AMAZING at the hairdresser, but that was the only day it looked good until I finally got it growed out.

Anyway, I loved the article! I could relate to many things she said. :agree:

[turtlelover]

Love this article! I'll probably cut my hair eventually, but when I do, it will have NOTHING to do with my age -- more than likely I'll just get bored and want to try something new! ;-) For now, I'm loving longer hair.

[Robot Ninja]

Good points about people saying they look so bad in this, that, or the other thing when they've never in fact tried this, that, or the other thing. I remember somebody saying on here that they can't wear hats because "hats are rubbish on me". Seriously - every single style of hat? Nonsense!

Well, I've never tried wearing a pastel pink sweater set and a pearl choker but I know for a fact I would look bad in it. It isn't me, I would feel like an idiot, and I think that always makes you look worse than breaking some "rule" about what is "flattering" on you.

The same goes for short hair. I'm sure my alternate mirror universe double looks really awesome with a pixie. Not me though. I'm too attached to my long hair. I would feel naked without it.

[TR]

Robot Ninja, as long as it wouldn't bother you if I told you (without you asking for my opinion) that I know for a fact I would look bad with classic length hair even though I've never had it or anything approaching that length, then no worries. :cool:

ETA: I don't actually think that and I would never say it "for real", I was just illustrating the point.

[Robot Ninja]

Robot Ninja, as long as it wouldn't bother you if I told you (without you asking for my opinion) that I know for a fact I would look bad with classic length hair even though I've never had it or anything approaching that length, then no worries. :cool:

Why would it bother me? Your choice of hairstyle, and your reasons for choosing it, don't affect me at all. I've had unsolicited comments along the lines of "I could never grow my hair that long" or "I could never deal with that much hair" from people who have never had hair longer than BSL. People make weird comments sometimes. As long as they're not trying to be insulting, meh.

[chen bao jun]

Not to stir the pot but I think people compliment you like that when you like nice in a pixie--because in fact there are very few women who look nice in a pixie.

So if you are one, be happy. From what I've seen, you have to have a tiny little head, smallish features and a graceful neck, as well as cute little ears to rock this hairstyle well. The basic rule seems to be, be Audrey Hepburn or Mia Farrow.

After you have seen enough pretty women try this and then suddenly not be pretty at all, if you're not an exceptionally confident person, its like, noooo---

I did try it once, because I'm vain, and I do have smallish features and nice ears, and lo and behold, I found out that with no hair, my head is huge and basically shaped like a watermelon. There is no magic way a pixie could be styled to hide or ameliorate these problems, there was JUST NOT ENOUGH HAIR to disguise anything. I basically had to endure 7 or 8 months of not being pretty at all, knowing I wasn't pretty, having people who knew me stare at me in shock and then pretend they weren't shocked--Get the picture? And at least I didn't have to keep enduring being mistaken for a teenage boy (the other thing that happens to women who do this) but it was only because I'm endowed.

This is why fashion magazines are always saying, be brave and have a pixie!--and women don't. There are very good reasons why most women will not cut their hair completely off unless they have decided for some reason to take a break from being atttractive.

That is why the select few who do it and look lovely will forever and ever keep hearing that comment. It's honest surprise and real admiration.

PS My pixie was also an incredible amount of upkeep. I'd post a picture showing how ugly it was--but I destroyed them all.

[Techmouse]

I wore a pixie for most of my teen years, and, looking back, it looked awful on me. My hair simply is not the right texture or thickness to work well at short lengths. I chose to wear a pixie for the simple fact that I had no idea of how to properly handle my curly hair. Every other woman in my family has straight hair. My mother, on the other hand, looks wonderful in a nicely cut pixie, but she won't put the effort into maintaining the style. Therefore, she wears a low maintenance chin length bob. Lifestyle and hair type can have an impact on whether a pixie is the right choice for someone, in my opinion. Longer hair is easier for me to handle, and, for my mom, means that she doesn't have to go to the salon every month. However, I do know people who look wonderful in a pixie and who find it to be low maintenance, as well. It just depends.

[reilly0167]

My sister has that thought in her head that older women shouldn't wear their hair long...I for one not like that..I never did like short hair on me..

[pailin]

I remember my early pixies, in college (the voluntary ones, as opposed to the ones mom cut when I was little) - and my friend telling me she'd be mortified if her hair was that short!
I do think my last pixie, in 2012, was much better looking. But long hair actually seems to make me look younger, so that's another plus. I have no need to 'look my age' or anything silly like that.

[jazzhands]

With all due respect, there are women who don't put so much importance on looking (conventionally) pretty. For many it looks okay and is easier to maintain, for others it's a thing of habit. There are people who don't focus on their appearance as much, and that's okay so long as they look neat and clean. Being female does not inherently mean your appearance is your best asset. Furthermore, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I'm all for long hair (obviously, what with being here and all) but I don't think we should criticise others' sartorial decisions and then turn around and shake our fists at those criticising ours. There are people who believe that older women look bad with long hair for one reason or another (or at least that, if your hair is long and you're over 40, you need to look like THIS in order for it to look good on you), so I don't think saying the same for short-haired women is all that kosher.

Plus, there's the whole issue of societal norms that's creating this whole mess in the first place. :)

[hanne jensen]

I really liked the article and the philosophy that anything goes. I've wanted long hair all my life and now finally at 56 years old have longish hair. I need about 20 cm more before I look fantastic. I look best with extremely long or extremely short hair. Anything between a very short pixie and MBL length just doesn't suit me.

[Hairkay]

I never even knew about the "long hair rule" until I saw someone mentioning it online 5 years ago. I just thought people make their own choice to suit themselves.

[TR]

I never even knew about the "long hair rule" until I saw someone mentioning it online 5 years ago. I just thought people make their own choice to suit themselves.

In your area, do you see many older women with longer hair? Not necessarily long by LHC standards, but even just APL or longer? Where I live it's pretty uncommon to see long hair on women over 50. Of course I couldn't tell you how many of them cut off long hair because they felt pressured to do so even though they'd prefer long hair. Certainly there are some who only maintained long hair when they were younger because they felt pressured to do so even though they wanted short hair, and as they got older they finally decided to try short hair. On LHC you'll probably find a skewed distribution of women who have been pressured to go short and are sensitized to that, but if you check out sites or blogs devoted to short hair you'll find the opposite. It seems to me that younger women tend to receive more pressure to have long hair and older women tend to receive more pressure to have short hair, and that anyone outside the range of "acceptable" lengths is pressured to either grow or cut until she is back within the range.

[Colochita]

I never knew about the long hair rule either.

My mother is in her 50s and still desperately trying to grow long hair. Same goes for my aunts and one grandmother.

It is pretty common at home to see short cuts on older women (like my grandmother's age) but I'd always assumed it was for convenience once they'd reached an age where it was no longer feasible or fun to do their hair.

[Groovy Granny]

Here in the Northeast woods where I live.... short is the thing to do....most already 'curl up and dye'
I always thought a short cut was needed to manage silver hair; nothing was ever specifically said, but often seen.

My silver is more fine and curly than my darker hair, and in the Summer humidity it triples in volume and curl.
I looked like my grandmother (love her!!) with a perm...and was not happy.
The different textures made it hard to style and I needed heat and hair spray to do it.

Back in the 60's I had long hair to my waist and wondered if I could sport that style again; I had already decided to stay silver.
Hubby was concerned I'd grow 'too long' because at Church we have only one gal my age (63) with hair to her hip (not styled).

After agonizing over salon 'trims' and inconsistent cuts, and being inspired by Carina Amani and other silver long hairs on pinterest I just decided to go for it in 2013 (I was 61).

I went the Summer with no trims and then, needing help with styling as it hit collar length I searched for hair forums and landed here :)

2+ years later I am almost at hip and happy :joy:

Hubby came to like it when he saw all the unique toys and styles at each stage, and he was happy for me being happy.

Thanks to all of you for your support and enabling, I got through the rough times and found a new hobby collecting hair toys and styling :o

Even though in my rural area I am the odd duck out with length, silver, and toys (most 'curl up and dye' and keep it short)I AM HAPPY TO BE ME!
This is so easy and fun to maintain...and the money saved by self trims and not coloring goes into pretty accessories (though my collection is now complete).

I am thrilled to see an end to this rule and hope the 'curl up and dye' gals read the article and reconsider...and perhaps the two of us here will inspire others to go 'au naturale' and grow to longer lengths.

[Agnes Hannah]

I have been told that I look younger with longer hair, so plusses there! I had a pixie when I was 40, it had a longish fringe (bangs) and a bleached streak in the front. I caught sight of myself in a photo someone took, and I looked much older than I actually was. So I decided to grow it a bit. Now I'm at BCL and happy. Next March I will be 50.

[copperlites]

I think the article appealed to me because in February, just prior to turning 47, my (now former) hair stylist suggested it was perhaps time for a more "age appropriate length" . This was due to a major thinning/ breakage I was experiencing, which my hairstylist assured me was she related. With sadness and dread at the thought of s big cut, I began researching hair for women over 40. I found this community, a number of supportive articles like this one and have Kearny how to take care of my hair. I now realize my hair loss/ breakage was caused by a botched keratin treatment followed a week later by a second "fix up" attempt. with 9 months of LHC inspired TLC my hair is regaining thickness and is in the best condition of my life.
None of my family or friends pressure me to cut my hair. In fact I get many compliments on it. I'm blessed with fairly wrinkle free skin and look about 10 years younger than my 47 years. I'm sure my hair plays a part in that.
I think the pressure to cut hair shorter as we get older is due to one of two things. Either due to deteriorating condition of the hair, or deteriorating condition of the body / face in relation to the hair. Ie the 20/50 ... Whete hair looks beautiful luscious, and young looking from The back and then turning to find an older face/body. People are shocked and want you to "stop tricking them" with your bewitching hair. ;) I think this is far more likely in those who are yet to embrace silvers, and I'm one of those. But how's it any different to people hiding their age with plastic surgery? Un fixable Deteriorating quality is the thing that would make me cut my hair. I want long hair that looks attractive wether in a bun or loose. I personally don't like the look of scraggly damaged hair. This looks bad at any age. my friend just had to get 8 inches chopped off her 9 year old daughters hair for this reason. If long hair is well cared for it looks good at any age. We only need to look in the various threads here for the 40 plus set. If it is not possible to nurse it back to at least looking like it's healthy, then personally, no matter my age, I woukd cut it off, albeit with considerable sorrow. If I can coax it onto looking good then I'm hanging onto it for a long time and enjoying feeling it hanging a long way down my back!

[spidermom]

My grandmother had long hair that she would braid and wrap around her head almost every day of her life. I remember feeling embarrassed about it as a pre-teen because all the other women around her age that I knew had short curly perms. I tried to persuade her to do the same. I'm so glad she put me in my place and did what she wanted.

I wanted long hair pretty much all my life, but I didn't have the patience to leave it alone and let it grow until I was in my 40s. I'm lucky - nobody is telling me I ought to cut it, not that I'd do it. My grandmother was a good example.

[AZDesertRose]

My mother is one of those who's got it in her head that she oughtn't have long hair because of her age, but also because she's never had her hair much past her shoulders and doesn't know really what to do with it. (For example, she has never learned how to French braid and was totally floored when she saw me lace-braid my hair. She thought it looked cool but didn't have the faintest notion of how to do it.)

My daughter and I are trying to convince her to take it at least a little past her shoulders, like somewhere between SL and APL (it's presently around collarbone length), because her hair texture is similar to mine, and I think she'll find it easier to handle a little longer. The kiddo's hair is around the same length as mine, a little short of BSL.

Because Mom doesn't know what to do with longer hair, I wasn't really allowed to have hair much past shoulder length until I was old enough to take care of it myself (around twelve or so), but since then, it's mostly been long.

I will be forty soon (a month from today, actually), and I will be damned if I'm going to let anyone tell me how to wear my hair. It's my hair, and I'll wear it to suit myself. :D

[Duchess Fuzzy Buns]

I generally just ignore hair/fashion/makeup "rules" anyways and do what I want. Who's gonna stop me, the fashion police? :p

[Islandgrrl]

Personally, I can really rock a pixie. And I have, a few times. But I hate having short hair.

So I have long hair because I love it. an article in a magazine isn't going to give me permission to wear my hair to the floor. I can do that for myself.

[AutobotsAttack]

mmm yea i can agree with this article a lot :) espeacially with this new coming natural movement. I just feel excluded and left out with my relaxed hair, but im determined to get to mid thigh or knee length relaxed hair regardless of what anyone says.

[stelz]

While I do believe in age-appropriateness to a point, this whole "Women of a certain vintage must become boring and invisible" trope is utter BS.

I think Chen made an excellent point early in the thread, though. The current "ideal older woman" (you see her in TV ads and clothing catalogs) has long silver hair, and she wears it loose while shopping for organic veggies, doing yoga in scenic vacation spots, and occasionally rocking out with her "hip" friends. She is slim, she appears to be wearing little or no makeup, but she wears silver jewelry with chunks of semiprecious stones. So yes. Hippie.

And minus the striking silver hair, kind of mousy, IMHO. I want to put a streak of peacock blue in that hair, and give her a tube of Ruby Woo.

On the other hand, by the way, people are advised not to wear a trend twice, meaning that if you wore it in 1968 or 1973 or whatever, it might not work for you now. LOL.

There's another "rule" about cutting long hair when your first child arrives "because they pull it" and "you're busy". I just plaited mine and grew it down to my butt when my kids were born. If you let them, some people will tell you how to look, how to think, even what to feel. And I think that's pretty horrible.

[Hairkay]

In your area, do you see many older women with longer hair? Not necessarily long by LHC standards, but even just APL or longer? Where I live it's pretty uncommon to see long hair on women over 50. Of course I couldn't tell you how many of them cut off long hair because they felt pressured to do so even though they'd prefer long hair. Certainly there are some who only maintained long hair when they were younger because they felt pressured to do so even though they wanted short hair, and as they got older they finally decided to try short hair. On LHC you'll probably find a skewed distribution of women who have been pressured to go short and are sensitized to that, but if you check out sites or blogs devoted to short hair you'll find the opposite. It seems to me that younger women tend to receive more pressure to have long hair and older women tend to receive more pressure to have short hair, and that anyone outside the range of "acceptable" lengths is pressured to either grow or cut until she is back within the range.

I have seen some with short hair. I grew up used to seeing all lengths of hair on any age in the Caribbean. My mother's hair is short. That's always been the case because her hair is dry and breaks easily. She never did manage to find a way to deal with that. My grandmother's hair was also short for the same reason. Mother did have a seven year period with dreadlocks and it got past BSL on her. She's retired. She cut it off this year. It had gotten too heavy and too long for her. She's got arthritis so she needed a simpler way to manage her thick hair. She said sometimes it's hard to get her fingers to move the same way before arthritis struck.

Those that did have short hair that I knew didn't really choose it. They just didn't find a way to deal with their hair breaking off.They just neatened those ends with a trim or hair cut. Others who were older wore tucks, buns and tucked in plaits so I don't know exactly how long their hair was. There were those who wore plaits down their backs and a few with long dreadlocks.

[TR]

Those that did have short hair that I knew didn't really choose it. They just didn't find a way to deal with their hair breaking off.They just neatened those ends with a trim or hair cut. Others who were older wore tucks, buns and tucked in plaits so I don't know exactly how long their hair was. There were those who wore plaits down their backs and a few with long dreadlocks.

You make a good point, that there are definitely people who either naturally have fragile hair or have made their hair breakage-prone through chemical or mechanical damage. They may not exactly feel as though they need to cut because of their age, but because they haven't been able to find a way to grow long healthy hair.

[Lady melissa]

My mother is also very oldfashioned....she hasn't had her hair longer than bob since the eighties, when i was a child....and she thinks long hair is oldfashioned on older people, even on me, she thinks my length is oldfashioned and im only 35! she says i should cut it back to midback and in layers, to be more modern (to be more like every other stupid it-girl I guess...) And she thinks that all middleaged women should have shoulder or bob length to be age-appropriate....sigh....

[chen bao jun]

Those that did have short hair that I knew didn't really choose it. They just didn't find a way to deal with their hair breaking off.They just neatened those ends with a trim or hair cut. Others who were older wore tucks, buns and tucked in plaits so I don't know exactly how long their hair was. There were those who wore plaits down their backs and a few with long dreadlocks.

This is true, the vast majority of black women I have known in my life, whether young or old, until recently when there has been more knowledge (actually I would still say the vast majority, in spite of new knowledge, its not out there enough yet) have breaking, fragile hair. When young, they fight it, when old a lot of them get tired and either get a short crop or wear wigs (especially if hair loss from hair abuse has been really bad).

A fair of amount of the white women I know who wear short hair when old are also not doing it entirely out of choice. Hair abuse is not as bad in this community but it exists and also, hair DYE which women start to use in their forties and fifties can really thin their hair out by age 60 or so. People would rather have short permed hair which looks thicker than longer wispy hair with scalp showing.

There is also the arthritis factor which Hairkay mentions is going on with her mom.

A lot of these women, human nature being what it is are then quite likely to suggest to the luckier among them that they cut their hair off and join the group. When I was young, starting from even before teenage years, there was a large (not majority but significant enough to definitely notice) segment of young black girls who would torture anybody whose hair was even shoulder length. Verbally harass and even beat up. I notice that this still happens among older ladies, though in a less raw fashion. I have twice in the last few months been told that my hair is too thick and looks wild and why do I want to have so much hair 'all over the place, it looks bad' by ladies who then confessed to having hair loss that was stressing them out. They did not relate it to age, but I can see this happening. I have also had a close friend, who always had a great deal of hair, lose a job, get told to dye it because it is grey (because it would supposedly help her get a new job), have her hair fall out, both break off and thin as a result, as well as change texture so she does not know what to do, I suggested that she change hairdressers or get rid of her hairdresser altogether and do internet research--and she got really mad at me. And in fact won't return phone calls since the conversation (which I didn't think was insensitive, but clearly it was, probably especially coming from someone with a lot of hair).

Motto: Do what you want with your hair; praise God if you get to an older age and still have a lot of hair that you can take care of (no arthritis or other body mechanics issues); remain aware that it can happen to you at some point (as the huge thread on thinning hair on these forums attests); be as sensitive as possible to those having issues--don't let them abuse you or make you unhappy with what you have but share information if they are open to it or ask, if not you can't do anything. The information is out there now, if they want it enough.

And of course not everybody who is suggesting short hair is jealous, so don't assume so. But it can be a factor sometimes, consider the possibility as you dismiss their stupid advice.