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View Full Version : How do you know when you'e REALLY ready to cut?



TheLuckyLurker
December 8th, 2015, 06:41 PM
My hair is waist length, and has been for several months now. For a couple weeks now I've been kind of obsessed with the idea of cutting back to APL, or at least BSL. The ends are jacked, it doesn't look very nice, and I can never wear it down because it tangles seconds after brushing/combing, unless I straighten it. Which I can't do. I learned the hard way that my choices are long or straight; I can't have both. And it feels like such a burden, especially washing it. I only wash it once a week, mainly because I so dread doing it. This Saturday (my usual wash day) the thought of going through that was so overwhelming that I just... didn't. I made myself do it the next day because I can't just not wash my hair, but I spent the whole time fondly remembering the pixie cut I had when I signed up here; how I only needed a drop of shampoo, a slightly bigger drop of conditioner, and one swipe of a towel over my head afterward and I was done.

So, what's stopping me? First, I spent six years growing my hair, and it feels like wasted effort if I cut it now (kind of like holding on to clutter because if you get rid of it, you have to admit you wasted the money buying it in the first place). Next, there's the possibility that it's really just the depression talking. Things really haven't been so great, and my hair is just one. More. Thing. That I have to deal with. Maybe my hair is just the easiest target.

I don't know. I grew to waist because there were a couple styles I wanted to do (or at least try), that I needed to be at this length to do. So far, I've done one of them once, and haven't even tried the other. And it's not like they're hard styles; milkmaid braids and Elizabethan hair taping are not hard styles to do. I just can't be bothered. But maybe that's depression; maybe days or weeks from now I'll actually want do do one or both of those styles, and they'll become my regular, go-to styles. Or maybe not. How long do I hold on to this hair because I might want to do something with it later? On the other hand, what if I cut it off and then rediscover the desire for styles I can no longer do? I mean, growing it back from APL wouldn't take as long as it did from pixie, but still; how many stories have we seen here from members that were absolutely sure they wanted the cut, did the two week thing and everything, and immediately went "my god, what have I done?!" after the fact?

So. For any of you who have gone through something like this, how can I be sure I really do want what I think I want?

Frankenstein
December 8th, 2015, 07:40 PM
I've been feeling depressed also recently and considered cutting a lot of my hair off. Although I'm still feeling down, eventually the urge to chop faded away. I would suggest taking some time to think about it first and if you still want to cut it, go for it.

Seeshami
December 8th, 2015, 07:51 PM
I will be annoyed enough that cutting is the better option than not

rhosyn_du
December 8th, 2015, 07:52 PM
For me, the answer is pretty simple. If I'm excited about the prospect of having shorter hair, and the thought consistently makes me smile, then I cut. Otherwise, I don't, because past experience tells me I will not be happy with the result. I'm especially wary about the desire to cut if I'm unhappy with my current hair, but not excited about the prospect of cutting, because that has never ended well for me. If I were in your situation, with damaged ends, I think I might go for a shorter trim and some TLC rather than a full cut and see how I feel about it after that. Nightshade wrote a really great article about rehabbing damaged hair on the old boards; maybe someone still has a link?

As far as your straight vs. long dilemma goes, have you considered fully embracing your curls and forgoing combing/brushing while dry if you're leaving your hair down? My hair isn't nearly as curly as yours, but I get all kinds of tangles if I brush after my hair is dried and then leave it down. However, if I detangle while it's full of conditioner and then don't brush or comb again until my next shower, it stays mostly tangle free for a couple days unless I go out in the wind. This was true when my hair was FTL, as well, so I'd get a couple days of wearing it down before I needed to comb it out and wear updos until my next wash.

All that said, what I would do isn't necessarily what's best for you. My best advice would be to consider what might make you happy with your hair at different lengths, rather than thinking about the things you're currently unhappy with.

Edit: Also, consider whether shorter hair would really be easier to deal with, or if you're just remembering your old hair care routine with rose-colored glasses. It might, but I thought I should mention it, because every time I've made a significant cut, I've been surprised by how much more difficult my hair is to deal with at some shorter lengths. For me, waist+ is really the most low-maintenance length.

Sarahlabyrinth
December 8th, 2015, 07:52 PM
If you are not completely sure about cutting then don't. If you have decided to cut, just take an inch off and wait for a few days to decide if you want to take more off.

RebekahE
December 8th, 2015, 08:10 PM
I went through this last month. I was having my first really big shed and was depressed, wishing my hair was thicker and reminiscing at pictures of what it was like when it was short (apl). I finally decided to take it back up to waist (it was at hip/TBL). I am soooo glad I didn't hack it all off! The urge passed and I might slightly regret the length I took off, but my shed has leveled out and I am hoping to get my wispies (shed strands that are growing back out) sort of caught up.

Deborah
December 8th, 2015, 08:34 PM
I think maybe you just need a substantial trim. You say your ends are 'jacked'. I'm not familiar with that phrase, but I am guessing it means they are not in good condition. Why not cut off two inches, then re-evaluate. You can always take more off later, but you may find that evening up your ends and removing the bad parts will be enough to make you happy with your hair once more. If not, then snip off two more inches. Cutting in this way, you will avoid doing an extreme cut unless and until you really want an extreme cut.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

turtlelover
December 8th, 2015, 08:48 PM
If you aren't sure, cut an inch, and then wait a few days. If you feel better about your hair, you can either leave it or cut more till it annoys you less. If you feel sad that you did it, at least you didn't lose much. Longer isn't always better, and moderately long hair can be very pretty, too. Just don't do a drastic, huge chop if you aren't sure, because that usually doesn't end well in my experience!

MsPharaohMoan
December 8th, 2015, 09:36 PM
All good ideas here. I had some thoughts to share with you.

Washing hair once a week because you find it a bother isn't necessarily depression, but depression can definitely result in you not wanting to put in the effort to take care of yourself. There are some members here who hate the feeling of wet hair for example. Not caring for yourself because you feel too lethargic or annoyed or frustrated or worthless? That's a different beast...

It might do you good to really examine the kinds of thoughts in your head surrounding how you feel about washing. You mentioned feeling overwhelmed by it, what does that entail exactly? You've made an interesting observation about targeting your hair. Do you feel like your hair is a part of yourself you can express yourself with? What would the behavior of cutting your hair communicate to yourself and others? You mention feeling obsessed with this idea... Does the timeline of the appearance of these obsessive thoughts coincide with drops in your mood?

Depression can be quite the demon and the above questions of course don't need to be answered in this thread or at once. If you did want support in the form of discussion, I've found the members here to be open to talking about the effects of mental illness and supporting each other through rough periods. That being said I feel I should say for your sake and for anyone reading this thread: if you have any thoughts of harming yourself or others, including suicidal thoughts, please call 911 or contact a mental health professional. You don't need to suffer alone, there are people out there who can help.

I thought of a few coping mechanisms for you while reading your post: :flower:

- punching a bag/pillow
- screaming as loud as you can into pillow/blanket/stuffy
- communicating with friends and family; call someone just to say hi, ask someone for a small bit of help (like a homemade meal or a plan for a night out).
- make a short term goal you know you can attain. When you achieve it, celebrate in a way that makes sense to you... then set another!
- your favorite self care activity (in winter mine is a bubble bath :cloud9: )
- make a piece of art

<3

bunneh.
December 9th, 2015, 05:11 AM
How do you know you're ready to cut your hair? When you realize it's just hair, that it does grow back and when you think about how much you're willing to cut and how long you're willing to wait before you get back to where you were in case you don't like your short hair anymore. What you should do: try hairstyles you want to try at this length and pay attention to how it makes you feel. Do you feel happy and pretty, do you like your hair styled in such interesting ways? Or does it feel annoying and like another thing you don't want to bother with? If you want to reach maximum hair length, you will have to take a good care of your hair, you will need to spend some time experimenting with shampoos, conditioners, oils and other things depending on what your hair likes. If hair is not at least a little passion/hobby for you, you will have a hard time and it will be annoying to take care of it properly.

Once you realize what you want, you have two options. If long hair is what you enjoy and you like the hairstyles you can do with it and all the time spent caring for it isn't a waste of time for you then great, continue caring for your hair and growing it. If you feel like hair is a bit of a burden, then I suggest cutting it but not too much. Start with 3 - 6 inches. With an average growth, you can get back to your current length in 6 months to a year depending how much you cut. That for me personally is not too long to wait. After you cut your hair, keep it for at least a month and pay attention to how it makes you feel. If it makes you feel better then you can maintain or cut a bit shorter, depending on what you want (go slowly with the cutting, you can always cut more, but you can't grow it back overnight) or let it grow long again.

I cut my hair from tailbone to waist because I felt like my hair was too long when it was at tailbone, it kept getting in the way, I felt like I couldn't do any hairstyles with it because it was so long and thick and heavy. Then I put layers in my hair and I never regret length cut or layers. Then I came on LHC and got very inspired to grow it, I learnt how to better take care of my hair, how to style it, how to protect it and enable it to grow long. So now I'm growing it again and putting my knowledge in practice and I'm not stressing about layers, I know they will grow out, besides, it's the longest sections of hair that truly matter to me, I can work on evening my hemline at a later time, when my hair gets a bit longer (since I want more length right now, rather than an even hemline).

Caraid♫
December 9th, 2015, 06:43 AM
Of course I'm not sure what sort of depression you're dealing with or if this would be of any help, but meditation has helped immensely in stopping obsessive negative thoughts and also to make calmer decisions. Not going to preach further the wonders of meditation, just throwing that out there as an idea seed :blossom:
As for advice about cutting, I think what rhosyn_du said is extremely good advice- cut only if shorter hair makes you excited. In my experience, if you cut only because you're unhappy with your current hair, you will probably be unhappy with it at all lengths! (it's a frame of mind thing for me) So I would stick to either just trimming, or cutting after finding and dealing with the source of hair discontent, or cutting but accepting that its possible that you still might find yourself frustrated and unhappy with your hair
I recently cut from tbl, to waist, the to a bob cut, but my motivations were different. I wasn't unhappy with my hair (which maybe makes it crazier that I cut all that hair off!!) but was reather really excited at the prospect of having a totally fresh new look and just genuinly wanted shorter hair! And no regrets, it's been a few weeks now. So there's some encouragement that not all who cut drastically regret it, just to be careful about your motivations is key :)

lapushka
December 9th, 2015, 06:55 AM
You say your ends are "jacked" but what do you mean by that? Are they dry feeling? Have they fairytaled? Or are they *truly* damaged (white dots & split ends)? Only when there are white dots in your lengths and or splits do you need to tackle the issue. And even that doesn't always mean: a trim. You can easily sort it out by S&D if there aren't too too many.

Dry ends can be remedied with clarifying washes followed by a good moisturizing treatment.

It doesn't always mean you need to cut!

spidermom
December 9th, 2015, 09:35 AM
I can relate to feeling overwhelmed by washing your hair. I was in Ohio for five months. The water there is hard, and I hated the way it made my hair feel. I did arrive at a routine that minimized the problem, but it required a vinegar rinse, and my hair seemed to hold onto the scent of vinegar even though I rinsed thoroughly and conditioned following using the vinegar. I ended up cutting my hair a lot more than I would have if I had been here at home, the feel of it compounded by the fact that my father had died while I was visiting, and I couldn't go home because of the probate process. I messed up the flow of my hair so much that I had a professional re-layer it, which she did by slithering. It looked great but the process can cause split ends. I may not recover from this past summer for a long time to come.

Now I dislike washing my hair because I don't like wet hair hanging all over me for hours while it dries in the late fall/winter/early spring. I also don't like spending an hour to blow-dry it, but blowing it dry is the lesser of the two evils to me. I think of shorter, easier hair, but I know I'm not over long hair yet. There is no doubt in my mind that I'd regret a large loss in length (I'm just above tailbone now).

So I guess the answer is that you have to know yourself. If something inside of you balks at the idea of short hair, don't go there.

TheLuckyLurker
December 9th, 2015, 09:07 PM
Thanks for all your responses.

I just can't make the multi-quote thing work for me no matter how I try, so bear with me :).

When I say my ends are 'jacked', I mean jacked up. Definitely damaged as well as dry; splits, etc., that deep conditioning just isn't going to fix. S&d'ing is another sore spot for me, because it entails two hours worth of squinting at my hair with my glasses off and my light turned way up (it's a three-way bulb; I usually have it at the lowest setting), cutting everything I can find and knowing I didn't find everything so I'll have to do this again and again and again and just... no. And since it's a lot more feasible to not pick up a pair of scissors than it is to not wash my hair... That's why I'm focused on APL; properly cared for, my hair doesn't start to develop splits until it's between APL and BSL. And at APL washing wasn't a near-all day affair requiring special techniques, either. Or take half a day to air dry enough to damp braid it.

What I did do last night was take two inches of the ends, which is how I discovered that even though I've trimmed it a couple times prior to this, it was actually more like tailbone length. I actually had to talk myself out of chopping a lot more off; I reminded myself of the saying "cut in haste, repent in leisure".

I think doing each style once just to see before I take things any further is a good idea, but right now as I'm typing this it's something I would have to make myself do. Which might be a sign.

I've been thinking about it -this thing specifically-, and I think maybe it's not depression. See, it's not that I don't want to take care of my hair, it's just that I look at how much care I have to take, and something in me goes "f--- that s---!" That's really not the same as not caring if it's clean and in good condition or not, is it?

So, from reading the replies and thinking as I type this out, I've got kind of a plan. I'll keep it as it is for now. I'll try the styles, and see what the ends are like. And if everything in me still says "nope, still want to cut it", I'll start with BSL and see if that satisfies me.

Robi-Bird
December 9th, 2015, 09:09 PM
When it no longer gives me pleasure, it goes. More likely than not I would be cautious and cut it back a bit to see if my feelings improved and if that didn't work, so long hair! This is what I've done in the past. For now, I'm enjoying it so it stays.

StellaKatherine
December 10th, 2015, 06:16 AM
I do not know if this will be any help at all. But I have this want to just cut my hair off every single winter !

When it is spring/summer time I love to spend time on my hair. I do the coconut oil treatments before each washing and then I can spend up to 2-3 hours on washing and conditioning my hair ending with chamomile tea rinses and such. I learn new hairstyles every week. I am in love with my hair and I can't wait for it to grow even longer and even consider going for terminal length. :crush: :disco:

Then winter comes... :shrug: I suddenly start to see how tapered my hair is. I start to dread washing my hair. Coconut oil is totally forgotten and I spend time on washing/conditioning my hair not more than 10 minutes and even that feels like a struggle. I just can't stop thinking about cutting it all off. The ones who know me better on LHC would realize than I spend more time here on spring and summer and then disappear at fall and less come on winter :)

Why I haven't cut it then ? The last time I was thinking about cutting, I actually did... I went from almost classic length to about APL length and in a two layers cut. I was supper happy and excited at the hairdressers salon, but when I came home and tried to do a braid and I couldn't because of the layers and shortness - I cried like a baby!

I might still cut my hair shorter one day, but this day is not today no matter how much I want too :D If I decide I want to cut at summer time - then I might go for it.

Anyway... In your position I would ask yourself. Do you want to cut your hair because you REALLY want it short. Or do you want to cut your hair because of other reasons ? Like I have the winter thing going on and I know I just need to live through to spring and everything will feel better again and I will be actually happy I didn't cut :D

Baby
December 10th, 2015, 06:55 AM
... I've got kind of a plan. I'll keep it as it is for now. I'll try the styles, and see what the ends are like. And if everything in me still says "nope, still want to cut it", I'll start with BSL and see if that satisfies me.

I think you have a good plan, cut back a little at the time and see how you feel about it. Me, I found I was happier with healthier hair than longer hair.

meteor
December 10th, 2015, 03:21 PM
For me, the answer is pretty simple. If I'm excited about the prospect of having shorter hair, and the thought consistently makes me smile, then I cut. Otherwise, I don't, because past experience tells me I will not be happy with the result. I'm especially wary about the desire to cut if I'm unhappy with my current hair, but not excited about the prospect of cutting, because that has never ended well for me.
Exactly! This is so well put! Personally, I wouldn't recommend cutting out of frustration about current situation, but only when you are really happy/excited about the prospect of that new hairstyle you want. ;)


If I were in your situation, with damaged ends, I think I might go for a shorter trim and some TLC rather than a full cut and see how I feel about it after that. Nightshade wrote a really great article about rehabbing damaged hair on the old boards; maybe someone still has a link?

Here it is! :) I love that article! :D
Damaged Hair: Understanding, Preventing & Rehabilitating: http://web.archive.org/web/20120125071723/http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=79


I've been thinking about it -this thing specifically-, and I think maybe it's not depression. See, it's not that I don't want to take care of my hair, it's just that I look at how much care I have to take, and something in me goes "f--- that s---!" That's really not the same as not caring if it's clean and in good condition or not, is it?

It sounds like you might benefit from streamlining your routine so that hair care doesn't feel so much like a time-consuming chore.

How about trying an oil soak as a pre-poo the night before your wash (it allows you to go about your day with your hair up, as it's getting "conditioned") instead of a long conditioning session in the shower?
Also, try leave-ins and the LOC method (liquid + oil + cream) for sealing in moisture instead of standard conditioning if conditioning in the shower and waiting is too much of a chore.
If detangling post-wash is hellishly long, try washing your hair in braids (braid loosely from chin/shoulders down): it really speeds up the washing and post-wash detangling process, because it keeps hair well contained.
And experiment with scalp-only washes (keeping length dry and covered with shower cap), if only your roots need a wash.
If drying times take forever, just throw it up in a damp/wet bun/braid and go about your day until you have time to deal with it. :)

TR
December 10th, 2015, 06:35 PM
For me, I know I'm ready for a change based on what styles appeal to me most on other people. In real life I regularly see people with hair between buzz cut and TBL, and many of them maintain a certain look for a long time (eg always a pixie or always an angled bob, etc). This past spring I was at APL+ and although I admired hair that was my length or longer, I found myself really studying my friends with pixies. Then I'd notice pixies that I loved on strangers in real life. Then I found myself googling for pixie pictures. I wasn't exactly unhappy with my longer hair, I just felt really drawn to a pixie. In my case I can cut my own hair into the style I want and I've had my hair as short as buzz cut. So I'm not afraid that I won't like my hair super-short; I just have to be sure it's what I really want because I always end up growing it long again and there are some frustrating and awkward stages involved in the growout. Just to be sure when I went short over the summer, I trimmed only an inch or two at a time and waited at least a week before taking any more off. After five or six trims I understood that I really was ready for the pixie so I cut off a bunch at once to get there. Zero regrets, I love it and it's easy and cheap for me to style and maintain. Sometimes I maintain pixie for years, and sometimes I'm happy to let it start growing out after a few weeks. I know I'm ready to grow again when I start drooling over long hair. In this particular cycle I decided to start growing it out after maybe four months. My last trim was about a month ago and I'm planning to do no trims at least through 2016. Not because I regret getting the pixie, but because I want to know how fast I can grow it out if I don't touch it.