PDA

View Full Version : Support needed!



Lara1
October 10th, 2008, 10:35 PM
Hello,

I appologise if I am writing in the wrong section of this forum. Although I experimented with the length of my hair I almost always had long hair. I am trying, like many people here, to grow my hair even longer. Lately, I go outside mostly with braided hair, or with my hair up. I like to wear my hair down, but my fine hair doesn't want to stay put when it is windy and we do have a lot of nasty days here in Canada. Before, when my hair was a little longer my shoulder line I could go out without tying it in the brade, but not now.

My friends asking me to cut it to the shoulder length again. We had a gilrs night out last weekend and they simply bombarded me with these suggestions. I said that I like my hair long, but they said that nobody ever see me wearing it long, so what is the point to have it always in the braid. They convinced that I look better with the shorter hair. The whole conversation made me feel really bad, especially the fact that they didn't even listen my arguments.
I don't use hair sprays to make my hair still while I wear it down, they just don't work for my hair and also hair sprays dry my hair out. I tried to use oil on the ends, but it doesn't look good when I wear hair down. I admit the fact that I am missing my hair down. My friends think long hair is old fashion and they think if I cut it off I will have much more fun with styling my hair.
I was so sad hearing all this and I left the party. Next day one after another friend called me to continue the same conversation...
I just feel so sad that they said it to me. Am I oversensitive?

ChatoyantLocks
October 10th, 2008, 10:44 PM
Your friends sound very unkind and I'm sorry they have been giving you a hard time. Given that you have made it clear to them you like having long hair, for them to continue hassling you about it is rude! Your hair is gorgeous, and you should be able to have it whatever length you want!

Arctic_Mama
October 10th, 2008, 11:03 PM
True friends wouldn't badger you about your looks. Make it clear to them you wear your hair for YOUR pleasure, not theirs, and that you don't appreciate their comments and find them hurtful. I find the best way to deal with such a conversation is just to end it, unequivocally.

You're not being oversensitive at all, especially if you love your hair and take pride in it it can be very hurtful to hear such things about it.

WaimeaWahine
October 10th, 2008, 11:20 PM
You are not being oversensitive at all. It sounds like you were under a lot of pressure.

Please keep in mind that many times people's negative remarks are motivated by jealousy or their own low self-esteem.

I used to think that "what's the point of having it long if you never wear it down" too. Going through some of the albums here changed my mind. All the different ways you can put it up is like have a zillion short hair styles and then when you want to be warmer :) or go out for a night on the town :waltz: then you can wear it down.

And it's hardly old-fashioned - in fact I see more and more women opting for longer hair these days. Fine hair can be tricky so keep reading and trying different things till you find what works. Instead of oil on the ends try leave in conditioner on them.

If all else fails and you think you want to go shorter, do a Feye's trim and take just 1 inch off, then wait awhile and repeat, doing it gradually until you find a length you feel comfortable with. You don't want to lop it off and then regret it.

Consider finding some new friends. :(

30isthenewblack
October 10th, 2008, 11:25 PM
I think your friends were being disrespectful. It doesn't matter how they feel about your hair, it's how you feel about your hair that matters. If you want to keep it long, then grow it or maintain the length and don't be pressured by others. I agree that people's negative remarks are fuelled by their low self esteem or jealousy. People who are happy with themselves do not have to resort to making remarks about people's appearances.

Magicknthenight
October 10th, 2008, 11:36 PM
Please keep in mind that many times people's negative remarks are motivated by jealousy or their own low self-esteem.

My thoughts exactially. Perhaps they are jealous? I agree with the others. Tell them its your hair not there's so its your choice what to do with it and you don't need their unwanted advice.
Don't cut your hair unless its what YOU want.
even if you did...with the type of friends they sound like..they would probably find something else to complain about.
:cheer: If you wanna keep growing then don't let their opinions get in the way. :D

chrissy-b
October 10th, 2008, 11:41 PM
You and your hair are beautiful. You should do what you want with your hair, and you should never have to make an argument for why you want it long. You should never have to argue with your friends about your own personal decisions with what you do with your own body.

Do your friends have short hair? If so, that's probably why they want yours short too. Partly because of jealousy (conscious or subconscious), and partly to keep the girls unified, if that makes sense. Something that you'll all have in common, and plus, it's fun sometimes to make our friend up, do makeovers, what have you.

Regardless of their intentions, your feelings were hurt, and IMHO there is no such thing as "too sensitive." Whether you decide to tell them you're upset and try to fix this situation or not, it is your hair...do with it what you want and if they don't like it, well, that's just too bad for them, isn't it?

Missie
October 11th, 2008, 12:06 AM
I don't think it's a matter of you being over sensitive at all.. it sounds more like your friends are a little insensitive.
If I were you, when people speak like that, just give them a little knowing smile and let them say what they like. I wouldn't try to defend myself at all.
You have beautiful hair which makes you look very feminine and fine.. you are the lucky one !

Honey39
October 11th, 2008, 02:18 AM
Hello,

I appologise if I am writing in the wrong section of this forum. Although I experimented with the length of my hair I almost always had long hair. I am trying, like many people here, to grow my hair even longer. Lately, I go outside mostly with braided hair, or with my hair up. I like to wear my hair down, but my fine hair doesn't want to stay put when it is windy and we do have a lot of nasty days here in Canada. Before, when my hair was a little longer my shoulder line I could go out without tying it in the brade, but not now.

My friends asking me to cut it to the shoulder length again. We had a gilrs night out last weekend and they simply bombarded me with these suggestions. I said that I like my hair long, but they said that nobody ever see me wearing it long, so what is the point to have it always in the braid. They convinced that I look better with the shorter hair. The whole conversation made me feel really bad, especially the fact that they didn't even listen my arguments.
I don't use hair sprays to make my hair still while I wear it down, they just don't work for my hair and also hair sprays dry my hair out. I tried to use oil on the ends, but it doesn't look good when I wear hair down. I admit the fact that I am missing my hair down. My friends think long hair is old fashion and they think if I cut it off I will have much more fun with styling my hair.
I was so sad hearing all this and I left the party. Next day one after another friend called me to continue the same conversation...
I just feel so sad that they said it to me. Am I oversensitive?

I think they might be a wee bit jealous to be honest. Maybe they are at the age when it's important to all look the same - peer pressure much, lol.

But I think maybe you could wear your hair down occasionally for nights out etc as YOU yourself miss it. Take pleasure in your gorgeous hair, and wear it up and down, and enjoy it.

If you're in doubt, for one day look at all adverts and television programmes/films etc. What's considered 'beautiful' by the media is long, so it's kind of strange that your friends are pressurising you to cut back to shoulder length!

But I think that for some reason they are trying to get you to conform to what they see as acceptable. You could laugh at them and tell them how conventional they are, wanting you all to look the same. Or tell them to mind their own business!

melikai
October 11th, 2008, 02:36 AM
I was looking at your profile picture and I have to say I very much disagree with your friends - you look really good with long hair! So, I'd ignore them on that and instead focus on what you can do to better enjoy your hair. Maybe try out different styles other than a braid? I'd also suggest experimenting with half-ups, that way you can still enjoy your hair down and yet keep it out of the way somewhat.

Whatever you do - don't cut because your friends think you should! People who follow the hair trends are victims of fashion, while those who do what they want with their appearance because it's how they feel best will always outshine the trendy ones. Tell your friends that long hair is your "signature" and to drop it.

twilight_faerie
October 11th, 2008, 02:54 AM
Your so-called "friends" were being very rude and disrespectful. You need to stand up for yourself. Tell them that you don't care what they think - you keep your hair long for YOU, and aren't about to change it just because they think you'd look better that way. I'm certain that they're just jealous of your gorgeous locks.

ChloeDharma
October 11th, 2008, 03:15 AM
You and your hair are beautiful. You should do what you want with your hair, and you should never have to make an argument for why you want it long. You should never have to argue with your friends about your own personal decisions with what you do with your own body.

Do your friends have short hair? If so, that's probably why they want yours short too. Partly because of jealousy (conscious or subconscious), and partly to keep the girls unified, if that makes sense. Something that you'll all have in common, and plus, it's fun sometimes to make our friend up, do makeovers, what have you.

Regardless of their intentions, your feelings were hurt, and IMHO there is no such thing as "too sensitive." Whether you decide to tell them you're upset and try to fix this situation or not, it is your hair...do with it what you want and if they don't like it, well, that's just too bad for them, isn't it?

I agree with what everybody else has said, especially chrissy's post here...

You really do look very beautiful with your long hair, and no don't let them make you think you are being over sensitive....you are not at all.
I do also think that you should stop trying to argue with them to defend your choices....they wont listen because they are convinced they are right and you just need to realise.
If i were you i'd just say "I want it long...I like it long....I make the decisions relating to my hair...if you consider yourselves my friends you will stop hastling me about it, now drop the subject"

Please don't give in to this pressure.

Chrissy
October 11th, 2008, 04:00 AM
The reliable LHC answer can apply....I'M NOT HERE TO DECORATE YOUR WORLD. :)

Really I would just tell them you like your hair long, however you choose to wear it. I would also ask them politely to stop saying you should cut as you are NOT going to cut. If they continue you may have to be more firm.

Please I hope you do what YOU want. It's your hair. Everyone has an opinion. In the end however you have to do what you want. Please don't cut because of everyone's comments. You will not be happy at all!!!

I wish you the best and enjoy your long hair. I'm a fine haired person too. I can't wait for mine to grow back out. Love your hair and have fun with it. Good luck to you!!

Miss Hidley
October 11th, 2008, 05:18 AM
Yes, this is a tough situation but you need to be firm with your friends. If you cut it to please them you will end up feeling resentful if you don't like the new style, and that will damage the friendship. Maybe you could try teaching them to do some of the long haired styles shown on LHC- that way you could still participate in their "girly times" without having to chop your hair off. Its not nice to realise but like the others have said it is possible that they're jealous too.
Good luck!

Mary <><
October 11th, 2008, 05:45 AM
I cannot for the life of me figure out why people feel the insistant need to share their opinions unsolicited. I looked at your profile and I would absolutley LOVE to have hair like yours! There are some people that like shorter hair and some that like longer hair. When I cut my long hair (worst mistake I ever made) My "best friend" at the time badgered me "why did you cut it," "I liked your long hair," "you look so much better in long hair." (mind you, her hair is short) Then, when I started growing it again she said "your short hair is so cute, don't grow it" "your long hair just hanged there all the time before" "when you grow it back you should cut it again and donate to LOL." Believe me, if you cut your hair they will rail you about that too. Instead of a new hair cut, it sounds to me like you need some new friends. Friends are supposed to uplift one another, not tear each other down. You are beautiful and should not be made to second guess that.

Addy
October 11th, 2008, 05:59 AM
Hi Lara~ :)

I am just amazed at how some people cannot be satisfied with the "This is who I am and what you're gonna get" deal.

What is your hair going to change about you if you cut it?

Will it make you prettier if you lop it off?
Will your personality be brighter?
Will your wrinkles fade?
Are *you* going to be happier than you are now without it?

The answer is NO! So why do so called friends think they can just swing on by and dictate what you should do with your hair?!

It's a whole lotta BS if you ask me!

You are beautiful and if you were my friend IRL, I'd never make those kinda comments to you or about you! I'd accept you for who you are and not what you have, don't have and how you look!

I think you should do what you want to do and if that means keeping your hair long, DAMMIT! Keep it long! :cool:

Shanarana
October 11th, 2008, 05:59 AM
One thing about having long hair is standing out in a crowd. Your friends may not want all the attention drawn to you, but oh well, that's how it goes. ;)

Carolyn
October 11th, 2008, 08:11 AM
If your so called "friends" can't accept you the way you are then I'd suggest getting some new friends. Seriously. Real friends accept each other they way they are and don't try to change them. If they get after you about your hair again try turning the tables on them. Ask them why they want short hair as short hair is so boring because it can only be worn one way. Ask them why they do or do not wear make up as you think wear it or not wearing it would make them look so much better. Ask why they wear a certain brand of jeans as that brand always makes their butt look so big. Get nasty right back.

Another thing....I'd be a little scared of girl parties with these "friends".

ole gray mare
October 11th, 2008, 11:38 AM
There is no quicker path to regret than altering yourself to suit someone else's preference.

Akiko
October 11th, 2008, 11:50 AM
I saw your profile photo and think you look great with long hair. Your friends sound disrespectful. I don't know whether those comments are coming from jealousy. A lot of people think long hair is pass&#233; and get the same hair cut (layered, permed or bleached, whatever).

You are under lot of pressure. You might want to keep some distance from such friends for a while. They are giving you too many negative comments all at once all together.

willowcandra
October 12th, 2008, 01:03 AM
I think you should have your hair how you prefer it. I would thank my friends for trying to help (in their own way) but tell them I am happy with the way it is.

noelgirl
October 12th, 2008, 04:39 AM
What appalled me was that one friend called you to continue the conversation. Was she somehow under the impression that this was a conversation that you wanted to continue? I understand that kind of persistence when there's something important going on, but this is just hair. That's it. Presuming that everyone involved is an adult and somewhat reasonable, it would then follow that this is a subject that they could drop, and if they can't, then maybe the reasonable part of that should be reconsidered. You like what you like and shouldn't have to justify it to them - it's not hurting anybody, and haven't they got better things to talk about? "Because I like it" should be all the justification needed for any aesthetic choice, so always bear in mind first and foremost what you like.

Lamb
October 12th, 2008, 04:51 AM
The whole conversation made me feel really bad, especially the fact that they didn't even listen my arguments.
I have a rule: noone can be right who is so blatantly rude in conveying their opinion. Sounds like your friends fit the bill.


I was so sad hearing all this and I left the party. Next day one after another friend called me to continue the same conversation...
I just feel so sad that they said it to me. Am I oversensitive?
No, you are not oversensitive. But they are extremely insensitive, inconsiderate and unintelligent. :nono: Seriously, what kind of friends would harrass you like this, because of your hair, for Pete's sake??? Mind-boggling, the last time I had to deal with such childish behavior was in kindergarten.

Ignore them, and wear your hair as you like. It is beautiful, I know it is a bit of a pain in the wind. (I have very fine hair too, albeit much shorter than yours, and I've been fighting Canadian winds for a few years now!;)) Have fun with updos!

brok3nwings
October 12th, 2008, 06:27 AM
If they are your friends they should give their opinion once, listen to yours and encourage you to do what makes you happier... i just dont understand why people want just one style. It would be so boring...
you have to be strong with your willings, you have to know for sure what you want for you, when i was insecure about my hair i used to listen to those comments and ended up with a really stupid hair and really sad about my weakness.. be strong! Listen to yourself

brok3nwings
October 12th, 2008, 06:34 AM
Lamb you said it all !! The only stupid thing i saw my friends doing lattely was bothering one of my friends (with big hair, kind of african hair with lot of volume and really cute hair) ... i think he is glad im around cause i end the conversation right away.
I think that many people dont understand how can those comments influence and really hurt someone. If your friends tell you something the first time, its ok, its their opinion, the second time is only to bother you...or whatever... that is when i freak out.

ClareDee
October 12th, 2008, 06:41 AM
Lara1, I think your hair is beautiful. Such a lovely colour and it looks so healthy. It certainly suits you, imo!

I think maybe what you need to do is try some fun stuff with it. If there's a type of bun you've never tried, try it. If there's a hairtoy you'd love, buy it. Sometimes it just takes a little 'sprucing up' to help you see how truly cool your hair is... and how much fun it can be. This will help you feel strong and resolute in the face of adversity ;)

I think Honey39 has a good point about long hair in magazines etc. This funny old world has strange and contrary ideas about long hair! On one hand, we have friends/acquaintances telling us long hair is "out of fashion", and yet if you open any fashion magazine, most of the models will have long hair. Maybe you could flick through one of those magazines while you're around your friends, and casually point out "Long hair... long hair... oh look, more long hair! What was it you were saying about long hair again?" :D

Only ever change it if you want to.

Rosepatrice
October 12th, 2008, 06:46 AM
I don't see why you can't have long hair if you want to. Nobody should control you enough that you can't grow your hair if you want to!

Xi
October 12th, 2008, 01:49 PM
Dear Lara1:
I have to agree with everyone -- your long hair looks lovely and seems perfectly suited to you in your profile picture.:blossom:

In my experience, new friends that I make go through phases about my hair: (1) "Wow, your hair is so awesome and unusual!" (2) "I have a brilliant idea -- you should cut your hair because [insert ridiculous reason]!" (3) Getting used to my hair and forgetting about it. Just be patient -- soon enough they'll get used to the fact that you have long hair and are not cutting it to please them. In the meantime -- good luck, and spend as much time at the LHC as possible!:D

Dolly
October 12th, 2008, 02:41 PM
PLEASE don't cut your hair just because your friends want you to. Only cut it if that is what YOU want.

Some of your so-called "friends" may be jealous that their hair isn't long and beautiful like yours. That may be one of the reasons that they want you to cut it. Also, some people are threatened by those who dare to go against the grain and be different. They may WISH that they had the courage to do things differently than everybody else, even if it is a simple thing like hairstyle.

You be YOU, and make yourself happy first. If your friends can't handle that, then they're not your real friends.

Leabhar
October 12th, 2008, 09:04 PM
You have lovely hair!

Friends who are good friends and who aren't threatened by you will encourage you and support you. Friends who ARE threatened by you will, without their even knowing it, try to diminish you.

Don't cut for anyone but you. It's your (pretty and long) hair. If you like it long, keep it long, and if they keep going on about it, shut the subject down, or switch the subject to something else.

Lara1
October 20th, 2008, 11:10 PM
Hello everyone,

thank you for your kind words and support! I haven't been on the forum for a few days and today I found that so many people replied to my post with support! Thank you again!

My best two friends (not from the group of friends I was writing about) also said to me that I shouldn't be bothered by their opinions, especially that it seems like they may envy my long hair, (by the way, they all have short hair). One of them called me two days ago and asked if I wanted to come with them for another party and at the end of the conversation she asked if I thought of what they suggested about my hair. I said that I like my hair the way it is now.
She started again with persuasion, but I cut her off by saying: "Are you always that rude with people? I said a few times that I like my hair the way it is, but you don't understand that it is not even your business. You have short hair, what would you feel if someone said to you that she doesn't like your short hair?"

She didn't know what to say. I hope she will give the message to others. In any case I don't think they are my real friends, like many of you said in replies real friends will try to make you feel good, not vise versa.
I am very happy that I found this forum where are so many knowledgeable people who are trying to help us to grow and maintain our hair in good condition.
I will not cut my hair. I like it to grow even longer if possible.
Thanks again for all your support, it helped me!

Addy
October 21st, 2008, 05:57 AM
WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Way to go Lara1 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You did the greatest thing by asking your so-called friend if she's always that rude! :D

Congratulations! Here's to more growth for you girlfriend! :beerchug:

Vitalai
October 21st, 2008, 10:52 PM
You go girly! :cheer:

You did the right thing and I can just imagine the look on her face when you cut her off! :D She and the others just have a case of major hair envy. I'm so glad that you will continue growing your hair.

sneakybea
October 24th, 2008, 07:45 PM
Way to go! Sounds like you handled the situation perfectly! And I think your hair looks lovely!

ladyshannonanne
October 24th, 2008, 07:50 PM
I'm so glad you told you friend to quit badgering you.

You know, I think you have a lot more options styling long hair. You said you usually wear it in a braid. Have you considered any other everyday styles? What about a loose bun or two plaits?

Also, if you do want to change your hair a bit, remember you don't have to cut it all off. You can experiment with fringe and layering with much less of a commitment.

brok3nwings
October 25th, 2008, 09:17 AM
ah ah ah i would love to see her face. It was needed a lot of courage but she was really asking for it!! She was sooo annoying to ask you again the same thing!!! :|

joyfulmom4
October 25th, 2008, 09:27 AM
I am sorry this happened to you. I too, would have had hurt feelings. I suggest that in the future, if anyone brings this up, you firmly tell them that it is not a subject you wish to discuss with them and that how you wear your hair is your choice and not open to negotiation. I've found myself in this position before too. By responding to their arguments with arguments of your own, you open yourself up for debate. Don't go there. Simply cut them off before the discussion begins.

As for wearing your hair down, consider wearing it down when you're indoors and up when you're out and about. I do this. I like my hair down, so when I go to work or a movie or church or whatever, then I wear it loose. If I'm going to be active at home or somewhere that I would find my hair getting in the way, I restrain it. And if I'm going outdoors where it'll be blown about, then I also tie it up. If you're concerned about it getting messed around when you're going to and from places, consider pulling it into a quick bun and then letting it back down. Or consider wearing a really cute scarf or loose-fitting hat that would hold your hair but not give you a serious case of static and hat-head when you pull it off and let your hair down again.

Also, consider trying some new and interesting styles. I was getting into a rut myself, feeling like I didn't have a lot of options b/c I didn't know how to style my long hair in very many ways. I tried looking around online, but I wasn't finding much for good inspiration or instructions. Now that I discovered LHC (very recently) I have become inspired all over again to try new styles. I didn't even realize there were so many wonderful ways to wear long hair. And since I've now got better instructions, I can do them. I've worn a few new styles this past week and all have gotten compliments. I ordered a few new hair toys too, so that I can add some interest and style to my dos that way.

Best wishes.

joyfulmom4
October 25th, 2008, 09:29 AM
Oops. See what I get for replying before reading to the end of a thread??? :o I see that you did just exactly what I and others suggested. Good for you! I hope the other girl learned a lesson. Yeesh.

Now go treat yourself to some cute hairsticks and try a funky new updo. You'll feel wonderful!