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endlessly
November 26th, 2015, 03:13 PM
I was looking through pictures of my many different hairstyles over the years and started feeling very nostalgic for how it used to look prior to a series of bad haircuts several years back.

I know just about everyone here can say they've had a bad haircut experience, but I swear there have been a few occasions where the stylist caused irreparable damage because I'm still waiting for my hair to return to the way it once was. Whether or not this is in fact true, I've started seriously considering trimming my hair back a bit shorter.

Some of these feelings might have been brought on by a few incidents that occurred the past week, including:

1. A creepy comment left on one of my YouTube videos from a long hair fetishist. You know the type - when they try to act like they aren't, but they're asking you to do something funny while at the same time brushing your hair very, very slowly. Yeah, pretty creepy and honestly, it made me feel dirty that someone was thinking that way about my hair.

2. I was given more information regarding something very upsetting from my past. I don't want to get into any specifics, but a basic rundown of the situation is as follows: older man claimed to have been in love with me when I was very young after we were in a community play together, but I didn't have any feelings in return, so I immediately put a stop to anything and told him we could only ever be friends, nothing more. Well, I quickly became the local pariah in my school and town because there were very, very false rumors of me being a homewrecker as well as other harsh names (try being called a slut by one of your friends in the middle of the cafeteria). I spent the last ten years of my life feeling like I was never good enough for anyone and that I couldn't accomplish anything because of some of the things he told me only to find out last night, that he was the one behind those rumors. So, long story short, I feel like I've just come out of an abusive relationship after ten years and am feeling desperate for some sort of change. Hopefully, this wasn't too ramble-y. Plus, to make matters worse, I wasn't the only girl he preyed on (and yes, that's the way I see it as most of you will, too) and I certainly wasn't the last. I'm just happy to know I was smart enough to give him the brush off at the time and not pursue anything! At least, 16-year-old me was smart, right?

So, as a result of all of this, I'm just feeling that I need a change and part of me is hoping that I can kind of turn back the clock to a more innocent time where I didn't have to deal with all this drama.

Thanks for reading and any advice!

lapushka
November 26th, 2015, 03:23 PM
Try disabling comments on your YT videos from now on, or at least *block* that person from your channel! I don't get the stroking hair, brushing hair videos myself, fodder for such people and essentially you're bringing it on yourself, not that I'm saying you are, but you have to be careful with what exactly you put out there as well. :)

It's never a good idea to take revenge on your hair, and to let your emotions loose on it. You will regret those "decisions" almost immediately.

Arctic
November 26th, 2015, 03:35 PM
Well, you know, if I would want new, fresh energies to my life, I wouldn't want to chooce a hairstyle from the past, or something or another turning back the time moves. I would want something new, and to help me aim my gaze to the (bright!) future.

I'm sorry you've been trough that sort of things in your life. To use a sand box terminology: it's not fair. :grouphug:

Clarkie
November 26th, 2015, 08:01 PM
When you say you are thinking about "trimming your hair a bit shorter" what did you have in mind? A couple of inches or a huge chop?

endlessly
November 26th, 2015, 09:20 PM
When you say you are thinking about "trimming your hair a bit shorter" what did you have in mind? A couple of inches or a huge chop?

Mostly just a trim of a few inches because it's been a while and I figured this would be the easiest way to have a "change" without it being too drastic.

Clarkie
November 26th, 2015, 09:26 PM
Mostly just a trim of a few inches because it's been a while and I figured this would be the easiest way to have a "change" without it being too drastic.

That sounds like a pretty reasonable plan to me. I was hell bent on not losing any length until my best friend showed me a pic of my raggedy ends. She only trimmed about an inch but it's made such a difference to the feel and look of my hair.
I know your reasons are more emotional than aesthetic but if cutting a few inches makes you feel better then go for it. It WILL grow back after all. :) (((((hugs)))))) Sorry you've been feeling down.

MsPharaohMoan
November 26th, 2015, 11:02 PM
You are correct. I do see such behavior as predatory (for both cases). Understand that no matter what creeps you've encountered in your life, you've come out alive. The fact that you're able to say that both of these things have bothered you is a very good thing. It is better to point out injustice and to acknowledge gut feelings than it is to pretend they don't exist. Know that in both cases you don't deserve to be treated like prey.

In terms of the potential hair cut, take a few days (some suggest 2 weeks) to think about it. If at the end of that time you still want to cut, go for it! You're less likely to regret it if you've spent some time mulling it over.

I wish you the best and want you to know that I've got your back. Dealing with drama/trauma can be stressful so make sure you take it easy on yourself. Eat some good food and take care of yourself, you certainly deserve it! :flower:

cat11
November 28th, 2015, 07:15 AM
You are correct. I do see such behavior as predatory (for both cases). Understand that no matter what creeps you've encountered in your life, you've come out alive. The fact that you're able to say that both of these things have bothered you is a very good thing. It is better to point out injustice and to acknowledge gut feelings than it is to pretend they don't exist. Know that in both cases you don't deserve to be treated like prey.

In terms of the potential hair cut, take a few days (some suggest 2 weeks) to think about it. If at the end of that time you still want to cut, go for it! You're less likely to regret it if you've spent some time mulling it over.

I wish you the best and want you to know that I've got your back. Dealing with drama/trauma can be stressful so make sure you take it easy on yourself. Eat some good food and take care of yourself, you certainly deserve it! :flower:

Yeah I would agree with this. I think a couple inches of a trim could make it feel a lot nicer and get you closer to growing it out, make an impact on the look but it wont take too much length away.

I really don't like the hair creeps on youtube. But I'll bet most who watch your vids don't watch them for that, and people with long hair appreciate those who make videos about it. People will sexualize anything and make it weird. Life would be stifling if you avoided doing what you wanted to do because some creepy piece of trash could look at it in a perverted way. I agree with Lapushka that you could disable the comments if you just didn't want to hear them anymore, too.

Sorry to hear you were preyed upon like that. That's an incredibly nasty thing to do to someone so young. I don't think it has anything to do with your hair though. You & your hair aren't dirty, those gross people were. At least you know what to watch out for and you are avoiding it.

truepeacenik
November 28th, 2015, 11:12 AM
First, delete the comment and remember that you tube comments are often the shallow end of the gene pool. Keyboard warriors with no class.

As for when you were 16, who cares what a bunch of fools think?
With no grain of truth, why even think about it?

Now, I did have someone from my past connect. We weren't all that close in high school, but friendly. Our weirds didn't match up well enough to bond us.
In one email she decides to tell me all the rumors of my drug overdose death, my supposed prostitution career, my junkie status, etc.
What I did was start traveling, go to college early, but then late, I did work in a gentlemen's nightclub, but I was never a sex worker. I was a kick butt server. And I became a journalist. I had one kid, now planning her 24th birthday next month.
I've wondered why, but I'm going with "thought I needed to know."
Hint: I don't.
Their opinions of me aren't my business.

Reality? This woman has never moved out of her parents home for more than a year or two.
Some of it is financial, some dysfunctional, some various people's health issues, and her parents were never stellar examples of parenting.

She shared, perhaps to dig.
But does it matter?
I know who and what I am.

if you must take this out on your hair, do something defiant.
I like the idea of colorful stripes. A few or many.

Arctic
November 28th, 2015, 11:21 AM
I probably misunderstood what type of hair change you are talking about. I understood you had had a conciderably different, shorter hairstyles back then (a very extreme example: an emo cut, a pixie cut, a short bob... you get the picture), and now wanted to have a big cut to re-create one of those styles. But apparently you were talking about a small trim. Go for it, although I'm not sure how much change a small trim would do. Maybe mentally it will feel refreshing. If you feel it will give you fresh energy and ability to let go of the past, then it will be a good thing. (I just personally felt, before realizing you only wanted a small trim, that it would still keep you tied to the negative events mentally, if you would use the said events as a measurement: I want a style I had before X happened. This style would still subconsciously remind you of the traumatic events. This is why I suggested having something completely different.)

Phanaferous
November 28th, 2015, 04:30 PM
First of all, hugs. I am so sorry you had to deal with the predator as a teen, and also that the recent online creeper has caused these bad feelings to resurface. I hope you have no contact with the man. And also, shame on the people who bought into his lies about you. I am not surprised he started the rumors-- he wanted to hurt you after you turned him down, which says volumes about his poor character.

Can you talk to someone about this? Many workplaces have an EAP department where you can get short term counseling for free. Or, can you get a support group going with some of his other victims?

It's not your hair from "before all this" that you miss, but, as you stated, the simpler innocent time before you were preyed on. However, I do understand how making a change in your appearance can help you move on after a terrible experience. I say go for it, with the mindset of "fresh ends for a fresh start" instead of "trying to get my innocent hair back". And then if you need more change, learn some new buns or braids, or get a new hairstick. Pamper your hair with a new product or care routine, and resolve to similarly take care of your mental health as you recover from this predator's influence.

The best revenge is living well. That includes having awesome hair and not having to feel dirty when a creep is, well, being creepy.