PDA

View Full Version : Feeling despondent. Has anyone’s hair ever just been stuck at CB/Shoulder?



Idreamlong
October 23rd, 2015, 02:41 AM
So my hair has been stuck at shoulder for the past 8 years. However, in fairness, it was because it was constantly breaking off from all of the bleach/ heat styling.

About 6 weeks ago now I gave it a good cut, lopped off a couple of inches all over so it felt nice and healthy and I could pull on it without it all breaking off in my hand. Since then I’ve been putting it up, no heat, moisturising twice a day, oiling, inversion method and taking MSM, Sea Kelp, Cod liver Oil and a Zinc supplement daily.

I have been really good in just forgetting about it and getting on with things but today I’m feeling despondent. I really want to see some growth by Dec (which will be 3 months since chop and me starting this ‘routine’) or else I know I’ll end up thinking ‘oh what’s the point’

I’ve still got some damage on the top, bleached layer of my hair which I am slowly cutting out, but that in itself is annoying me as I know I’m going to be stuck with shorter layers at the top for a long time (no way am I cutting all my hair to one length, I’ll end up with a bob practically!)

Up until the age of 17 my hair was just above waist so it HAS been pretty long in the past which makes me think that I don’t think shoulder could be my terminal length and that it must of just been because for the past 8 years I have treated it abysmally and let it get to such a state that it was breaking off all the time, constantly, as to why I haven’t been able to achieve length, but there is a part of me that worries that my hair structure is so damaged now (and my hair is a lot thinner now aged 28 than it was when I was in my teens!) that it won’t ever grow beyond my shoulders.

I just HATE this stupid, seemingly terminal length. I know that my hair is so much nicer when it’s long, I want it to grow so bad and it’s just going to take forever to get to my goal of BSL, if it ever does at all! (cries)

Sorry, just feeling bratty today :shrug:

diddiedaisy
October 23rd, 2015, 03:33 AM
I think when you are starting with damaged hair, or other hair problems such as thinning from illness, sheds etc, it can get very demoralising. You need to remember that although your hair may not be getting longer, you are gaining in other areas. I personally have been stuck between apl and bsl for a year and a half. It's driving me nuts, but my hair is much thicker and so much less straggly than it was. I've been chopping to get rid of thin ends.

If you take progress pictures on a monthly basis, one day you will look back at the past six months for example, and think wow, look how much healthier it looks. This is what I have done to keep me going. Earlier this year, my hair looked so bad when down I had to wear it up, it looked terrible in January, but now it looks loads better now and I can wear it down if I choose to. Not much longer, in fact possibly the same length lol

Your hair will grow, but it needs to be in a healthy state to start with, just keep babying it and you will eventually reap the rewards. You don't mention if you still dye it, but coconut oil is great for penetrating the hair and making it stronger. I think olive oil also penetrates to a certain degree, but the other oils will just sit on top of your hair. I would recommend that you try coconut oil and leave it on overnight twice a week, it works wonders for dyed blonde hair.

Good luck and remember progress isn't just about length. :)

Horrorpops
October 23rd, 2015, 04:21 AM
My hair was until I stopped bleaching and heat styling it. Now that all of the damage has been trimmed off my hair has grown past that frustrating collarbone/Shld length! :o

I don't think it's terminal for you, and I hope it grows quickly. I know the pain and its so bad when you're seemingly stuck there but you have a good hair routine now. It just takes time to make a difference.

Idreamlong
October 23rd, 2015, 04:24 AM
Thanks for the response.

Have you been trimming at all? It seems odd that it hasn’t grown for 18 months? Surely that’s not possible? This is what I am scared of, that my hair just won’t grow. Though, I know it does grow from having my roots done every month!

Re the highlights, I will continue them but only once every 8 weeks instead of every 4 and I will also coconut oil my roots before getting it done to hopefully minimise damage. I think my 8 week ‘highlight growth’ will encourage me as I will be able to see that it IS physically growing from the roots, so if I’m not getting length, I’ll need to look at my ends and see if there are splits/ breaks.

I plan to S&D every month, which will probably make it a bit thinner at the ends etc than if I was to do a blunt microtrim, but atm, I really want to retain as much length as possible.

I’m shopping tomorrow so I will look into getting some coconut oil and try coconut oil treatments, I wash my hair in the evening though as I leave to air dry and wouldn’t be able to do that in the mornings before work unfortunately now it’s winter, but I could try and do an overnight treatment on a Friday evening and wash it off on Saturday morning.

I guess I just need to be patient but I just hate my length, it’s dull and boring and just does me no favours!

Idreamlong
October 23rd, 2015, 04:25 AM
Your hair is beautiful Horropops, so thick, shiny and bouncy!

Horrorpops
October 23rd, 2015, 04:33 AM
Your hair is beautiful Horropops, so thick, shiny and bouncy!

Thank you! I promise you it wasn't like that 6 years ago. I had bleached it to death lol! It felt like wet spaghetti and it seriously wouldn't grow past my chin. It started growing once I stuck to a good hair routine for a few months :o I hope this happens to you too!!

lapushka
October 23rd, 2015, 04:36 AM
In all fairness. 6 weeks isn't going to solve all your problems. It's more like *years* of patience that you're going to have to have. It's not terminal, rest assured, it is just going to take a while for all that damage to grow out.

luxurioushair
October 23rd, 2015, 04:42 AM
Has anyone’s hair ever just been stuck at CB/Shoulder?

Um, for my entire life until now...lol

But that's because I never took care of it. It never even occurred to me that I could or should grow my hair long. A bit of tomboy, I was...

Idreamlong
October 23rd, 2015, 05:12 AM
In all fairness. 6 weeks isn't going to solve all your problems. It's more like *years* of patience that you're going to have to have. It's not terminal, rest assured, it is just going to take a while for all that damage to grow out.

I think that’s the trouble, I’m finding it a bit time consuming some days and the thought of having years of this until most of the damage is grown out and it gets to a length where it maintains itself more is quite exhausting.

I think I’m just having a bad day as I’ve been quite enjoying the past 6 weeks or so.

I am getting Invisalign (invisible brace) in December and I only need it on for 7 months, so it will be off in July 2016. I think I’m going to focus on July for both my teeth and my hair. I *hope* to have my hair at at LEAST APL by July (or I really will cry!!) and I’m hoping it will be a lot thicker, shinier and healthier…so, new swishy healthy hair and lovely straight teeth by July next year. (Which isn’t actually that long away!)

I think the focus on a summer goal will stop me stressing and obsessing so much in the short term!

Horrorpops
October 23rd, 2015, 05:30 AM
I think that’s the trouble, I’m finding it a bit time consuming some days and the thought of having years of this until most of the damage is grown out and it gets to a length where it maintains itself more is quite exhausting.

I think I’m just having a bad day as I’ve been quite enjoying the past 6 weeks or so.

I am getting Invisalign (invisible brace) in December and I only need it on for 7 months, so it will be off in July 2016. I think I’m going to focus on July for both my teeth and my hair. I *hope* to have my hair at at LEAST APL by July (or I really will cry!!) and I’m hoping it will be a lot thicker, shinier and healthier…so, new swishy healthy hair and lovely straight teeth by July next year. (Which isn’t actually that long away!)

I think the focus on a summer goal will stop me stressing and obsessing so much in the short term!

That sounds like a great idea! I actually did this two years ago when I got braces and started growing out my bleach lol :o it was very satisfying!

Can I ask what you do on the daily for your hair? I don't think I've ever been exhausted or daunted by what I do... maybe you're trying to do too much? You definitely want your hair routine to be convenient and not too time consuming I think.

Idreamlong
October 23rd, 2015, 05:41 AM
In the morning I section it, put a leave in conditioner through the lengths and ends, spritz each section with oil and then plait at the nape of my neck. In the evening, I do the same again but also hang my head upside down for 5-10 mins whilst massaging my scalp.

It’s not horrendously time consuming, probably about 40 mins a day and 50 mins a day on wash days.

Just looking at your sig, your hair grew a lot from Aug- Oct, wow!

Horrorpops
October 23rd, 2015, 05:46 AM
That sounds like a lot of love and care! If your hair needs it I guess it is worth it... to be honest my hair care time has reduced as my hair got healthier... now I just comb it of and evening and style it for the day. And wash once a week. Any maybe do a oil treatment or something... maybe every few weeks. But at the beginning I do remember doing a lot more treatments and things.. hmm! :o It's funny how quick I forget!!

Thank you, yes it did! I think I average about .7" a month but it is coming into summer here so that definitely helps :)

Eiderduck
October 23rd, 2015, 06:42 AM
I'm the same - 'stuck' between shoulder and APL.

I had been dyeing it with Loreal Feria dye, for a few years then last year had to change the colour as I couldn't get the original one. The new colour (I think it was intense red) fried my hair beyond belief and I realised that the ends were breaking off.

In April I decided to stop using it (although I'm still dyeing with Daniel Field Watercolours) and start being nicer to my hair in little stages. First stage - stop using straighteners. Then - only use medium heat on my hairdryer. Started using a wooden comb, and oiling the lengths. Trying CWC.

It isn't much longer, but it already looks healthier, and I'm not seeing as many broken ends when I brush it over the sink any more. The broken ends are all an inch or less, so maybe I should do as you have, and chop some of the ends. I think I'll see if it grows first.

Anyway, hang in there - and as long as your hair is healthier, then you have made progress.

spidermom
October 23rd, 2015, 09:20 AM
You may have to make a choice between bleach and long hair. Some people's hair won't tolerate bleach. I had a few foils done years ago, and the bleached areas puffed out and kind of floated around - it was so dry and fluffy looking! Of course others do just fine with it, and I don't know what kind of hair you have.

Deborah
October 23rd, 2015, 10:22 AM
I think once the damaged parts grow out and are cut off, you will be amazed at how well your hair will grow long and nice. Just wait it out, and stop bleaching it.

missrandie
October 23rd, 2015, 10:49 AM
Another nod for the above solid advice. And truly, don't be discouraged after 6 weeks. That is only enough time to get 3/4 of an inch of growth on average, and your average may vary wildly.

If you are starting with a whole head of damaged hair, you will have a ways to go. For goodness sake, I started growing out my pixie with regular mullet trims this time last year, and I JUST made it to shoulder a few days ago. It looks much less layered than if I had not had the trims, so I am happy with the result.

Point is, I have been at this a year, and many much longer than that. Take heart, you will get there.

restless
October 23rd, 2015, 12:30 PM
I get what its like being new here, seeing all the long, pretty hair and be all "I want that NOW!", but you have to remember it took them years to get there. 6 weeks is a good start, but thats all it is; the start.

This will be a long journey, but it doesnt sound like you really enjoy what youre currently doing for your hair, so Id say experiment, have fun and then find a routine youre comfortable with. Taking care of your hair shouldnt feel like a time consuming, troublesome chore because if thats how you feel already, you´ll definitley give this up sooner rather than later. There are plenty of great advice here on this site, so look around and find something that suits you better if youre not happy with your current routine.

Shoulder is most definitley NOT your terminal length and I bet your hairs thickness will return as well when you start being kind to it and give it time to grow and get healthy.

Edit: Oh and welcome to the forum by the way! :)

lapushka
October 23rd, 2015, 12:36 PM
This will be a long journey, but it doesnt sound like you really enjoy what youre currently doing for your hair, so Id say experiment, have fun and then find a routine youre comfortable with. Taking care of your hair shouldnt feel like a time consuming, troublesome chore because if thats how you feel already, you´ll definitley give this up sooner rather than later. There are plenty of great advice here on this site, so look around and find something that suits you better if youre not happy with your current routine.

Most definitely. I'd also suggest trying to find a routine that you're comfortable with, so stick to that routine, rotate a few products around, and practice benign neglect & a lot of patience. It's true. It took me 10 years (and 2 cut-backs to chin because I wouldn't give up the bleach and such) to get to classic length, and I only got there by giving up all the damaging stuff! So yes, it takes *years*!

slynr
October 23rd, 2015, 02:27 PM
I get what its like being new here, seeing all the long, pretty hair and be all "I want that NOW!", but you have to remember it took them years to get there. 6 weeks is a good start, but thats all it is; the start.

This will be a long journey, but it doesnt sound like you really enjoy what youre currently doing for your hair, so Id say experiment, have fun and then find a routine youre comfortable with. Taking care of your hair shouldnt feel like a time consuming, troublesome chore because if thats how you feel already, you´ll definitley give this up sooner rather than later. There are plenty of great advice here on this site, so look around and find something that suits you better if youre not happy with your current routine.

Shoulder is most definitley NOT your terminal length and I bet your hairs thickness will return as well when you start being kind to it and give it time to grow and get healthy.

Edit: Oh and welcome to the forum by the way! :)

Agree with this. I have been where you are and just did not want to give up highlights and wondered why my hair wouldn't grow. I would trim a lot but the trims were still never above the damage so they didn't accomplish much. I highlighted ever 4-6 weeks.

Finally after being here I finally understood I had to make a choice. Bleach or length. Now, almost 3 years and 6 months after my last highlight I have virgin hair that is almost back to waist after cutting remaining damage and healthier than ever.

The hair here take patience, time, and resolve to stick to growth and the health of the hair. Now...some people can get away with bleaching at long lengths. I would say that is far from the majority. Just have to pick your priority:)

Idreamlong
October 26th, 2015, 02:59 AM
Thanks guys,

Think I was just having a bad day on Friday. I was so busy all weekend I didn't have time to even think about my hair and last night I before bed I took it down and finger combed and it was so soft and silky, it's felt better than it has done in years so that gave me a bit of a boost.

I also looked at my root growth (3 weeks worth) and it's roughly half an inch, maybe a little bit more so at least I know my hair is definitely growing lol and my bottom layers are all virgin hair and not damaged in anyway anymore so they SHOULD grow. Top, bleached layers, well yes, you're right. I think I may need to decide between bleach and length :cries: