Is the grass REALLY greener on the OTHER side?

[hennalonghair]

Is the grass really greener on the other side?

Since I've joined the LHC my Haircare Routine has definitely improved. I've learned so many things about my hair that I never knew before BUT I've also become more critical of what nature provided me. With all the gorgeous heads of hair here , it sometimes makes it hard not to compare. Right?:shrug:
I never quite noticed how frizzy my 3c hair can become and that it does indeed break off much quicker than the rest of my hair. It has a much shorter terminal length because of its very nature. It's curly, dry, coarse hair and will always be so. Sure I can use a different routine to help some but it's never going to have the same terminal length as the rest of my hair. This makes perfect sense to me now and also helps me understand why some styles of buns result in a halo of frizzies.
Sometimes while glancing through photos of fine, sleek , smooth hair ,
I do sometimes see the grass greener on the other side. It's easy to assume that these people have it so much easier but I don't REALLY know that. It's just my own isolated perception.
What I'm actually doing is looking at ONE aspect of someone's hair and comparing it to mine like it's lacking something but oddly enough 9 times out of 10 these same people feel the same about members with thick textured hair. Do they think the grass is greener on our side also?
Perhaps these isolated characteristics are over glamorized in our minds? Maybe fine, thin , straight haired folks don't realize how hot and heavy thick textured hair can become or that it takes forever to dry. Washing hair on winter mornings becomes pointless.




It's so easy to isolate one characteristic of our hair and become our own worse critic while thinking that other characteristics would be much better on us.


I suppose obsessing about our hair has pros & cons just like everything else. Yes we learn to care for our hair much better but I think at times it makes it more difficult to just accept the things that we cannot change.
A while back I was certain that my hairline was receding. My poor DH who is going bald just looked at me, laughed and said "Reallly," as he pointed to his head. "This is a receding hairline," while assuring me that my hair looked exactly the same as it did 26 years ago. Funny enough I went through my photo albums and looked through some older photos and sure enough there was the same receding hairline in my 20's :lol:


Have any of you become hyper critical of your hair since joining the LHC forum?

[cathair]

Biggest negative is I never realised how thin my hair is. Wouldn't never have noticed if it wasn't for all the braiding and circumference measuring here. Thin, but not fine, frizzy but not thick, a real winner :D That said, I kind of don't care. Can't change it.

[two_wheels]

I never realised how thin my hair was at the crown. Or that I had a ridiculous cowlick situation. Like cathair, nothing doing, so :shrug:

Actually, LHC has done the opposite to me in another respect: I used to envy people with really thick hair, especially when I first joined, but now I think I would find it a big hassle. The weight, the drying time, not being able to put it up so easily... Also, there are some people here that get told how thick their hair is every time they post, when actually they have lots of other very lovely qualities that they have clearly improved on over time, and that would frustrate me. (there is more than one person I've seen this happen to)

[LongCurlyTress]

:joy: Great thread topic!! :popcorn::popcorn:

[Mimha]

Lol. I always feel it funny when I read on one post that a person with sleek flat hair wishes to have curly poofy hair when I just read complaints about curlies fighting with their frizz in another thread ! :lol:

I don't know if I am an exception in here, but my hair is really something that I am pleased about. I have tons of motives of dissatisfaction in my life, but my hair is definitely not part of them. My hair is a true source of happiness to me : I love its wavy changing texture, warm pleasant color, shiny softness, etc. Actually I have never been so pleased with it ! There are not many manes in here with which I would exchange mine, to say the truth.

My hair gave me a big warning two or three years ago : it shed like tree leaves in autumn and I urgently had to care about my health. My hair helped me to change my mind about a lot things in my life and I am grateful about it. In reward, it has grown so much healthier that I love it more and more as long as it is growing. Being on LHC has taught me to fully appreciate how lucky I am to have the hair I have. I read so many posts of complaint here ! So many people come to find a solution for some hair disaster or problem. LHC has also comforted me in my ways of caring for my hair, as I found here most of the "good care rules" that I had already more or less intuitively found and used myself since many years. And some more which I am so happy to have discovered too ! :)

... So no, I love how green is the grass in my little garden, and I enjoy its flowers every day that God makes.

[Nique1202]

Since I joined the LHC and stopped damaging my hair, it's become way too slippery. I also stopped having my hair thinned out and layered at the same time, so my thickness has become a bother. Even with the layering I have now, between my thickness and the slippery nature of my hair there are styles I still can't do at 31" that most folks with thinner hair were doing back at 20". It's frustrating as all get out, some days. Meanwhile, I know there are people who are so frustrated with their thin, coarse, easily damaged or broken hair they'd give up lots just to have hair more like mine, even with the problems I have with it.

I don't know if I'd go as far as to say it's human nature to want what you don't have, but it's easy to get so caught up in your own problems and frustrations that you just want things to be the opposite way, and you start to think the people on the other side of the fence MUST be exaggerating because can't they see how awful your grass is? But it doesn't work that way. No situation is perfect, every kind of hair has pros and cons, and there's no crossing the fence without damage anyway.

[Amapola]

Like Mimha, I seem to be an exception... I have learned here to embrace and love the hair I have. Oh sure - I could wish my hair were like... I don't know... Mimha's hair. But it's not. Why throw my heart away crying over it? Just like anything, there are good points and bad points to anything. My hair is thin and baby fine and straight as a stick, and I used to wish it wasn't, but now that I'm at FTL I'm pretty dang happy about it. I DON'T have thick hair, but at least it never gives me headaches! I sure do admire and love everyone else's hair, but I don't wish I had it on my head. I'm good with what I have.

I have also learned here how unique everyone's hair is. As time has gone by I've realized that wishing I had someone else's hair is like wishing I had their fingerprints. It's kind of silly. As a result, I have come to really appreciate my hair. It makes me sad to see someone with my same hair type complaining about their hair and saying how much they dislike it. But as for me, my hair is my hair and I am good with that, just like I'm good with the color of my eyes, my voice, and my fingerprints. They make me who I am. I think that's pretty cool. :flower:

[Isilme]

I'm fairly happy with my hair, sure it isn't naturally red but that can easily be changed with henna. When younger I thought I had the world's thickest hair because everyone was fawning over the thickness, sure it is very thick but I have seen some people here who beat me in the thickness competition!

[SnottyDotty]

But as for me, my hair is my hair and I am good with that, just like I'm good with the color of my eyes, my voice, and my fingerprints. They make me who I am. I think that's pretty cool. :flower:

Wonderfully put :agree:

[Hairkay]

My hair can sometimes be a bother but in all it's the hair I know best. I enjoy seeing and hearing about others' hair sometimes I'll make comparisons sometimes not. Yes I'd like my hair a bit longer but with time and care that can happen even if my curls do it in a sneaky way. I love my bush.

[Johannah]

I've had this for a while as well. But on the other hand people on this forum made me realize that I'm way too harsh on myself with times. Biggest thing is that I've learned to love my hair color, which I *hated* before I joined the forums. And I'm forever grateful for this :flower:

[MsBubbles]

I get what you are saying Hennalonghair! I probably have some of the sleek, smooth hair you talked about. I started off enjoying my hair type but as it never grew into a thick hemline, and my updos made me look Gollum-like through lack of pouf and volume, I started feeling like a hair loser too. I sit here and look at other people with any kind of wave or coarse hairs, marveling at all that space between their hairs that create volume! This is what many non-LHCers refer to as a 'thick head of healthy hair', and see piecey, raggedy hair like mine, albeit in pretty good condition, and think it's unhealthy because it looks like a thin strip of hair down my back and not a wide, back-covering curtain (like 'healthy hair' is supposed to look, right?).

I understand what you mean and I am definitely a lot happier not worrying so much about it. I also don't really take hair photos any more because to me, it never looks all that great and I don't get compliments about it IRL.

[Thoughtcriminal]

My biggest envy is thickness. I know all about how frustrating it is since I had really nice, thick hair when I was younger. I'm still mourning all the hair that fell out and might never grow back :c

I'm also jealous with people whose hair is all one type. My hair ranges from wiry to super fine, 1b to 2c, etc. I love my hair anyway, but I don't think it's unreasonable to wish for a more consistent texture!

[neko_kawaii]

I came to accept the hair I have many years before LHC and that it suits my personality in terms of how much time I'm willing to put into caring for it. So, I see green fields all around me, including my own.

I can admire without desiring.

Think of it this way, my neighbor has a beautiful flowering plant. I could desire one for myself, go and buy one and care for it, or I could just appreciate hers as I walk by on the sidewalk. I don't need to go through the hassle of dying my hair because I can admire beautiful colors when people post their pictures here. I don't need sleek curls in my own hair because I can admire the beautiful pictures curlies post. If I had either of those things I could only admire them when I looked at my reflection, and how much of my time do I want to spend doing that? It is like my husband's view of cars. When you are sitting inside your car you can't see what it looks like on the outside, so why does it matter?

[Arctic]

My biggest envy is thickness. I know all about how frustrating it is since I had really nice, thick hair when I was younger. I'm still mourning all the hair that fell out and might never grow back :c

I'm also jealous with people whose hair is all one type. My hair ranges from wiry to super fine, 1b to 2c, etc. I love my hair anyway, but I don't think it's unreasonable to wish for a more consistent texture!

Hey are we hair twins??? I'd love to find a twinsie!

[spidermom]

I went through a period of obsessing over my hair soon after joining LHC but I'm over it. I feel I've brought out the best in my hair, and it's pretty darn good.

I was so impulsive about my hair through about age 45. I'd declare I was growing it out - always loved long hair! - then walk by a salon and decide on the spot to walk in and get it all cut off. I can't tell you how many times I did that; too many. My hair and I have a much better relationship now.

[DollyDagger]

♪ I got 99 problems but my hair ain't one ♪ lol

At this stage in my life I'm quite aware (and adding more to the list..lol ) of all my faults, short-comings, and imperfections..the ones I can work on and the ones that I can't change.
As far as my hair is concerned having recently learned how to embrace and enhance my curls I'm much happier about the texture than I've ever been in the past. I still combat frizz but at least I'm learning why it happens and how to tame it (thanks LHC :) as well as so many other solutions for various hair issues.
I do definitely think that oftentimes the grass is greener on the other side. As mentioned there's always your opposite hair type longing for the very qualities you're trying to tame,control, or abolish.

[Arctic]

I'm in a - not unique, but somewhat interesting - position, being someone who has had 2 different hairtypes, so I can gauge realistically about the good and bad points of these different (looking and behaving) types. Both types have had positive and negative aspects, as I am sure everyone's hair has.

I hope everyone will learn to accept their own hair, because it's so freeing. :flowers: Each head of hair I've seen has unique beauty and attractiveness in it, and it always makes me sad to see people not appreciating what they have. Each hair type has it's own challenges too, so I'd say the grass may seem greener, but in reality it's the same grass on each side of the fence - and on each yard on the block.

[Saldana]

Actually, I've found that LHC has helped me embrace the reality of my hair. That unless I heat it, pour chemicals on it, and otherwise abuse it, it will never (NEVER) be a mass of bouncy curls. Nor will it ever be shimmering blonde or dramatic auburn. I have mostly straight, kind of frizzy, greying hair, and a temperamental scalp prone to seborrhreic dermatitis. My nape hairs never grow long, and are inexplicably wiry, coarse, and fragile. My hair declines to stay smoothly in an updo - baby hairs poke out every which way unless I lacquer them down with hairspray. If I wash it more than twice a week, it gets dry and static-y. If I miss a wash day, it immediately goes flat, greasy looking, and dull.

There are quite a few spectacular heads of hair on this site....mine is not one of them. But LHC has helped me know that my hair is normal....helped me learn how to help it be healthy without damaging it, and helped me embrace and celebrate my slow-growing, stick-straight, non-spectacular, temperamental hair. :)

[slynr]

I am of the thinking that pretty much all healthy hair is spectacular and thud worthy. The shimmer, shine and natural variation is something I find fascinating and beautiful.

[AspenSong]

I can really sway to either side. Honestly, I do have days I like my hair and feel good about it and all.

But then there's those other days I do wonder if the grass is greener on the other side....over there with all you thick haired awesome ladies. I mean, I'm friends with Seeshami and I see her hair in person and it literally makes me hate her a little because it's so thick and everything mine isn't. And somehow I always feel like I'm in some crazy minority here with my hair because it does seem like there's more thicker haired people here.
Now, I don't assume the thick haired have it easier - I mean, if I'm realistic about it, I can see some of what could be considered cons to it...but I don't care, still wish mine was thicker. I think some of this comes from the fact that as a kid, people always said I had "thick", fine hair. Until I signed up here and started looking at hair and classified mine, etc....I thought mine was fine! lol. I'd only known a handful of people with much thicker hair than mine.
So while I feel like some of me always comparing stuff like that happened more when I joined the site, I also know I care better for my hair now and like it better because it's healthy and in good shape. Like I said, I can sway to either side depending on the situation I guess.
I just do my best most days to like what I have, because it's what I have.

[parkmikii]

The only thing that I 'envy' is actually thick hair, in the iii range sometimes I'd like mine to be a bit straighter but I quite got used to it so now I'm not at all as envious as before. Since I got into hair care I got more used to my hair and learned to work with it and not against it as I used to :)

[Seventy7]

I'm conciously learning to love my hair more due to LHC.
I would love for it to have more volume, my buns and braids just feel too small and I get scalp-cleavage quite easily. I love the look of full buns and braids! On the other hand, I love that my hair is dry in just over an hour while air-drying and buns are never too heavy. And I have a choice of buns to make, even at APL.

People (on here and irl) do comment how intricate my finer buns and braids are. I'm learning to love every aspect of my hair.

Most LHC pictures are showing the best their hair is doing, so we rarely see the struggle and bad hair days. It's easy to love any hairtype from all the pretty pictures here - but it's showing only half the story.
Seeing all hairtypes complaining about some aspect of their hair at some point made me realise there is no perfect hair. Or better - all hair is perfect.

I think the people that have the easiest time with their hair are the ones accepting the hair they have and learning to work with it and enjoy it. I want to be like that too.

[EdG]

My hair care routine has greatly improved since I joined LHC. I even learned how to make buns. :)

One thing LHC has made me realize is how individual hair is. Everyone's hair is different, and that's a great thing. :thumbsup:
Ed

[Ephemia]

LHC has actually made me feel better about my hair. I used to be convinced I'd lost huge amounts of volume that I'd never get back, and that it wasn't normal to be able to see as much of a person's scalp as you can mine. Turns out my thickness is average and my ridiculous scalp is due to at least one cowlick. I sometimes get a bit down because my hair could look healthier. But in time my LHC hair will grow down and be beautiful, and I do sometimes just look at my hair in the mirror and smile at how much I love it, or marvel at how soft it is.

I just wish there wasn't such a huge message being broadcast through the beauty industry that hair is only beautiful if it's unusually thick, and that all other hair is thin. It's misleading about what average thickness actually is, and makes those of us with average thickness or less feel really down about ourselves.

[school of fish]

:blossom:Life is too short to spend energy on things we can't ever change or control :) Pour the energy instead on making the most of what you have and enjoying the process - it makes life so much happier!! :) :) :)

[chen bao jun]

I like my hair much better since I got on LHC.

Not only did the condition improve tremendously, and it got easier to take care of, but I have been amazed to take note of all the people envying thick hair. Thick is what I have and I had always thought of it as being awful, unmanageable, unsightly and a real pain in my life before being on this site. I always knew that people liked 'somewhat' thick hair, but I was sure that nobody could possibly want hair that went beyond 'somewhat' into a hair explosion. this site not only showed me ladies with beautiful thick hair (some of it thicker than mine!) but also has been full of hints and hacks that really help--from ficcares and flexis and hairsticks and other toys that actually keep it in check and don't break, to just the knowledge of how to improve the condition so that it is thick and not wild. and also, just seeing 'natural' hair helps a lot. I mean natural not meaning a particular hair type, but in terms of all you ladies that wear what grows out of your head without modification. That has been VERY helpful to me, as one tends to see very manipulated hair in the media and then really think that one's own hair is ugly just because it is real.

I have to say though, that I still honestly love to look at thinner heads of hair, though I no longer envy them. I think that has a beauty, just like my thickness has a beauty.

I was feeling a little envious the past couple of weeks of people whose hair didn't show shrinkage--and then straightened my hair and discovered I have very little shrinkage. I ssem to have slow-growing hair. I have decided not to be jealous of people with fast growing hair though, because mine is growing and thanks to LHC is finally longer (just a little longer, but definitely longer) than it has ever been before. And the condition of it is so awesome, now! Length will come, I just have to be patient.

[Edelweiss]

I'm never satisfied with my hair to be honest.
When I see how other's hair is shiny, not frizzy, not dry, ... I just can't be happy with mine lol

[dogzdinner]

The only thing that I 'envy' is actually thick hair

yeah, me too! Not that Id want massively thick hair...just wish my 3in ponytail was 4in instead!
I dont envy any different hair types though. I dont even know what curly, wiry, coarse hair feels like so how could I envy it??

[Amapola]

I'm never satisfied with my hair to be honest.
When I see how other's hair is shiny, not frizzy, not dry, ... I just can't be happy with mine lol

Yeah, but how many times do you see someone post a photo and then say "Excuse the messy bun" or "Forgive the wild frizzy hair"? And you look at it and think, "Holy cow - I better not put *MY* photos on here because that hair looks awesome and mine is a hot mess!"? I think that EVERYBODY thinks that everybody else's hair is better than theirs, at least at first, and the truth is, most of us are wrong. :)

[rags]

I am fairly accepting of my hair most days - but less face it, at it's best it's very, very thin. And I don't mean these people who have ii hair who complain their hair is 'thin"! My ponytail at its best got to 1.75", and is usually at 1.5' or below. So, I think I am realistic in wishing that I had a bit more thickness, and that my hair wasn't so incredibly fragile.

LHC hasn't really changed the way I perceive my hair, though there have been a few not-so-kind comments made about it over the years. So I mostly quit posting length photos except in a couple of threads.

It has, however, allowed me to really appreciate my silvers - very much so!

[Groovy Granny]

It has taken almost 3 years of growing my hair out to come to accept it as it is.
Learning how to care for it made all the difference and I am very grateful for that!
I find others' hair an inspiration, but I am not jealous; the grass always seems greener until you get to the other side and see the weeds up close :laugh:
The only exception was this week seeing my son's GF's thick, black hair; mine suddenly seemed so short and fragile in comparison lol
But COMPARISON is the key word....DON'T COMPARE your hair to others!
Her hair is the expression of HER nationality and uniqueness.

My hair is an expression of MINE :)


Lol. I always feel it funny when I read on one post that a person with sleek flat hair wishes to have curly poofy hair when I just read complaints about curlies fighting with their frizz in another thread ! :lol:

<snip>

... So no, I love how green is the grass in my little garden, and I enjoy its flowers every day that God makes.
Exactly :thumbsup:

[hennalonghair]

I've always been happy about my hair and perhaps even more so since being here @ LHC. I learned so much about my hair that I can definitely take better care of it.
Of course in between learning helpful things there are always new things i've learned that can also be counterproductive.
Things that I'd already been doing for years that helped greatly I may have stopped doing only to later find that it actually was helpful all along.
Like Chen beo chun I was pleasantly surprised that people's would actually like to have thick sometimes unruly hair. I just figured most people want straight sleek perfectly coloured hair like jet black, golden blonde, fiery red or chestnut brown to created that perfect bun.
And even though I've had TBL for most of my life, it wasn't until coming here that I discovered hair toys that work. My go-to was usually a single or double braid. That was it. Of course I had colourful scrunchies but now that I look back, it was all so predicable.
I also had zero knowledge of the various types of buns. Ok wait a minute...:hmm: .... I STILL don't know how to do many buns yet but like others have pointed out, you need far more length with thicker hair to achieve most bun styles which is why I often choose to modify them or make a half up as a bun, then wrap the rest around.

I'm not suggesting that I'm not as satisfied as I used to be regarding my hair but rather I'm more aware of my problem areas than I was before.
Things that I wasn't as aware of before I am extremely aware of now . Some of these I have a solution for and some I just toss my hands up and have no further concern because I truly want to keep enjoying my hair. My hair has always been my pride & glory and something that will forever make me feel like me.

For me it seems like since I've been here I've been full circle . I've loved my hair, been dissatisfied with my hair them loved my hair again.
I've also discovered that nobody knows my own hair better than me.
Gone are the days when I ask hairdressers for help and that in itself is truly liberating .

Yes occasionally I get a twang of jealousy when I see sleek smooth straight hair bun with no apparent frizzies but now I'm ok with that.
Like someone else mentioned, it's like expecting the same fingerprints. It's just not gonna happen.

[Groovy Granny]

IGone are the days when I ask hairdressers for help and that in itself is truly liberating .


THAT is the greatest thing; being in control of your own hair....very liberating :cheer:

FINGERPRINTS.....I missed that comment by another person; thanks for mentioning it = perfect sense and describes what I was 'trying' to describe about our uniqueness.

[hennalonghair]

Yeah, but how many times do you see someone post a photo and then say "Excuse the messy bun" or "Forgive the wild frizzy hair"? And you look at it and think, "Holy cow - I better not put *MY* photos on here because that hair looks awesome and mine is a hot mess!"? I think that EVERYBODY thinks that everybody else's hair is better than theirs, at least at first, and the truth is, most of us are wrong. :)

Exactly the point that I was trying to convey.
:smooch: To be honest I'm super paranoid of showing off my hair because having all these perfectly made buns is intimidating . Then last night I see a post about a lady who was so thrilled to get her quantro fork that she wanted to show it off. Trouble was she was too embarrassed because she felt like people would laugh at her puny bun.

I guess it just really struck home that most of us feel the same way.
It was a bit hurtful to know this woman felt this way and I bit comforting as well because I could relate to the discomfort . Not that I'm a saddest but it made my insecurity seem justified also.
We all feel somewhat self conscious at times.

I don't feel the same way about wearing a bun in everyday life because I know nobody can ZOOM up on it either. :lol:

[RavenRose]

To be honest, I have always been fine with my thickness, I have always wanted sleekness, and occasional curls.... My hair has always been fine and slippery, but somehow frizzy/fluffy also, that compacts down into nothingness. It gets sleeker at longer lengths. I wanted to be be able to occasional have curls, but they take so much work to achieve for so little. It don't help that I like changing things up, an can be impulsive/obsessive about a change- I can get an idea in my head and it buzzes around constantly until I do something about it.

LHC has taught me to appreciate my hair more and how to best take care of it, so I am much happier with it, I am just impatient to grow out my natural... I do admire other hair types, but know they also have their own drawbacks.

[hennalonghair]

I find others' hair an inspiration, but I am not jealous; the grass always seems greener until you get to the other side and see the weeds up close :laugh:

But COMPARISON is the key word....DON'T COMPARE your hair to others!





Hahaha! Brilliant. Yes key word.... "seems".!
The grass may seem greener on the other side until you get there and notice all the weeds.
:rollin:
Oh THIS is priceless because it's true. We have an isolated perception ONLY not true reality.

I think many of our disappointments come from comparing ourselves .
Great point!:thumbsup:

That groovy granny sure is groovy:lol:

[Groovy Granny]

Quote Originally Posted by Amapola View Post
Yeah, but how many times do you see someone post a photo and then say "Excuse the messy bun" or "Forgive the wild frizzy hair"? And you look at it and think, "Holy cow - I better not put *MY* photos on here because that hair looks awesome and mine is a hot mess!"? I think that EVERYBODY thinks that everybody else's hair is better than theirs, at least at first, and the truth is, most of us are wrong. Exactly the point that I was trying to convey.
:smooch: To be honest I'm super paranoid of showing off my hair because having all these perfectly made buns is intimidating . Then last night I see a post about a lady who was so thrilled to get her quantro fork that she wanted to show it off. Trouble was she was too embarrassed because she felt like people would laugh at her puny bun.

I guess it just really struck home that most of us feel the same way.
It was a bit hurtful to know this woman felt this way and I bit comforting as well because I could relate to the discomfort . Not that I'm a saddest but it made my insecurity seem justified also.
We all feel somewhat self conscious at times.

I don't feel the same way about wearing a bun in everyday life because I know nobody can ZOOM up on it either. :lol:
LOL I have felt that way....and almost deleted some pics this week :o
But then I decided not to...this is MY hair st this stage of my life; maybe it is not perfect...but IT IS MINE (and I have come to love it)! :heart:

[hennalonghair]

And Rags.... You have some of the most gorgeous silver toned hair I've ever seen:flowers:

[chen bao jun]

Once I saw a video on youtube that was very liberating for me.

the girl making the video had beautiful, sleek, straight, completely controllable hair.

and to create the braided hairstyle that she wanted to, she first went through at least 15 minute of fuss, curling her hair with a curling iron, back combing it, teasing it and putting in lots of product--not just hair spray but dry shampoo and I think some sort of gel.

Then, when her hair was more of less a fascimile of mine, she started to do the style. I realized I could do the style without going through any of her preliminaries--and that hiar with a lot of pouf and body to it is actually better for some hairstyles (and the hairstyle was a pretty one). VEry liberating for someone who had spent the best of of a lifetime trying vainly to make their hair lie down and stay FLAT. It made me think that the thing to do is find out what styles suit your particular type of hair and ENJOY them, because there is somebody somewhere who would love to do that style and can't. And its too much of pain to have to change your hairtype (albeit temporarily) before even starting the style.

I am thinking this after having flat ironed hair since Wednesday--which is of course (you curlies will understand) not so flat anymore. I had about a day of sleek hair that hair toys slid out of out, and my hair is gradually pouffing back up. Or not so gradually. I still want to get my money's worth out of the flat ironing job, so hope it will stay somewhat straight until Wednesday to make it a week, but other than that, I feel kind of relieved that my own hair is assetring itself, so that I can do some familar things with it.

[Caraid♫]

I can definitely be envious at times! I'm often envious of naturally red hair though I'm happy with the colour I achieve with henna. (I just wish I was born with it!) And I've often wished my hair were thicker. However, I've come to realize that though my hair isn't particularly thick, it's definitely not thin either. It's kind of like I don't have to deal with the cons of either! All in all I'm happy with mmy hair and have come to really enjoy it now that I've figured out how to make it look it's "personal" best :D

[Groovy Granny]

And Rags.... You have some of the most gorgeous silver toned hair I've ever seen:flowers:

:agree: It is very pretty!

How terrible to hear that others have made nasty comments :agape:

Until you have walked in another's shoes (or worn their hair).....don't judge :patrol:

Rags...just stay well, and love your hair as it IS....this too shall pass :flowers:

[MINAKO]

i have always been after the same type of hair, just didn't think it was possible for me to have. now i'm like 80% there and being a member here keeps me assertive to try new things and improve my hair to my own liking even more.
alot of things i like on other people just wouldn't look right on me, so i'm not getting to confused about eyeing over the fence.

[Upside Down]

One thing I ve always wanted was lighter hair. Curls, ok I accepted those and rocked them for years, although in my case this means shorter lenghts.
It is on the thinner side of average, and I am ok with that too.

But I would love to have something lighter grow out of my head. Then I could color it with deposit only dyes and it would really show. Henna would show too.
Silvers would blend in nicely.

But, boo hoo, and because I will not bleach my hair, I have what I have. I mean, I like my color ok, I also get it that many women color their hair to achieve what I have naturally, but there it is, my one real hair envy, I wish my hair was lighter :)

[dancingrain91]

I am actually happy with my hair color. It changes quite a bit with lighting but it's just a dark blonde in a shade that I like. Other than that I wish I already had a thick hemline rather than waiting patiently for all the layers to grow out. That one will just take time but I have all the patience of an annoyed cat. I wish I had less fragile hair and a less oily scalp. I would love to be able to wash my hair once a week without it starting to smell on day 3 and itching like mad and getting tender on day 4 (and generally looking bad though usually the painful, itchy scalp is what annoys me more than the appearance). My ends are just super fragile and I feel like washing it every few days is not helping with damage. I wish I had that crazy resilient hair though because I get into funks where I struggle to do the bare minimum to take care of my hair. Like I barely want to comb it, put it up, oiling usually falls out of my routine as does bothering to stretch washes, etc... I know it's bad and I really need to make the basic benign neglect hair care an ingrained habit (and I'm trying to) I just wish these funks didn't cause so much damage. I also wish my hair was more textured. I always loved the look of very curly hair in a bun because it just seems to soften any bun and make it look more romantic. Then again my hair already tangles like mad so I don't think it would deal well with texture. :/

The thing is, I really love how soft, silky and weightless my hair is. As much as I wish it was a type that could handle damage, I would hate the extra weight. As much as I wish I could disguise greasies better, I love the color. I would totally trade my scalp for something less temperamental though. I see no down side to that one.

[MsBubbles]

... though there have been a few not-so-kind comments made about it over the years. So I mostly quit posting length photos except in a couple of threads.


That's absolutely horrible. I can't even imagine what kind of sad, sorry person would be motivated to dog someone else's hair like that, especially someone as sweet as you, Rags.

Your hair doesn't really look much thinner than mine, in my opinion, not that it really matters. I love your updos and the silvers!

[rags]

That's absolutely horrible. I can't even imagine what kind of sad, sorry person would be motivated to dog someone else's hair like that, especially someone as sweet as you, Rags.

Your hair doesn't really look much thinner than mine, in my opinion, not that it really matters. I love your updos and the silvers!

Aw :flowers: It's never been anything horrible, just comments. Such as someone saying I was "very brave" to post my ponytail in the circumference thread we had going at the time (years and years ago) - and then when someone else called them out, reiterating that my hair was just so very thin she couldn't believe I'd post it. Things like that.

Mostly though, people are sweet and I don't let a few bad apples spoil the barrel. Since I have easily hurt little feelers though - I just don't post many pics anymore - problem solved! :)

And it only looks as thick as yours (and I don't think it does!) because I'm really about a 2a/2b nowadays - I comb it out to a 1c when it's wet. It's all poof! :p

[chen bao jun]

Aw :flowers: It's never been anything horrible, just comments. Such as someone saying I was "very brave" to post my ponytail in the circumference thread we had going at the time (years and years ago) - and then when someone else called them out, reiterating that my hair was just so very thin she couldn't believe I'd post it. Things like that.

Mostly though, people are sweet and I don't let a few bad apples spoil the barrel. Since I have easily hurt little feelers though - I just don't post many pics anymore - problem solved! :)

And it only looks as thick as yours (and I don't think it does!) because I'm really about a 2a/2b nowadays - I comb it out to a 1c when it's wet. It's all poof! :p

Those are horrible comments actually.

some people find mean things to say about everybody though. the same person that would snag you for being too thin would turn around and snag somebody else for being too thick. Or too curly or too straight, or--something. some people just dont' want to see anybody else feeling good about themselves--probably becasue they don't like themselves very much.
I have always admired your hair, as you know.

[two_wheels]

Aw :flowers: It's never been anything horrible, just comments. Such as someone saying I was "very brave" to post my ponytail in the circumference thread we had going at the time (years and years ago) - and then when someone else called them out, reiterating that my hair was just so very thin she couldn't believe I'd post it. Things like that.

Mostly though, people are sweet and I don't let a few bad apples spoil the barrel. Since I have easily hurt little feelers though - I just don't post many pics anymore - problem solved! :)

And it only looks as thick as yours (and I don't think it does!) because I'm really about a 2a/2b nowadays - I comb it out to a 1c when it's wet. It's all poof! :p

Brave?! Ahahahaha how patronising, I want to slap something now.
Shhhh about the 2a poof, it's our secret weapon!

[Victoria.Nichol]

It sometimes feels like the grass is greener on the other side, especially here looking at all of the beautiful hair you are right its so easy to compare and to feel that you have come up short. I think the best we can do is appreciate what we have and take it one day at a time.

I read something years ago, about how long hair makes a woman seem more feminine and soft and beautiful. I didnt really pay much attention to it at the time and chopped off all of my hair to chin length , and repeated for years. I have started to regrow my hair in 2013. I am really loving having long hair. But I have done a lot of damage to my hair... bleaching for Ombre, then black over black over black , i've probably done full head box dyes 16 times in 3 years and bleached twice. My hair is now recovering from that. I began using henna in April, and I really like it . I have vitiligo so i have a large streak of white hair in the front Like Anna from frozen, and one in the back as well . so in those spots its RED. but the rest is just red.

What I'm saying is. Being here on LHC has shown me many things and encouraged me to try new things and take better care of my hair , I do love my hair now and I love all of yours as well.

[hennalonghair]

Brave?! Ahahahaha how patronising, I want to slap something now.
Shhhh !

Yeah I know:rant:
Rags is such a sweet tender soul:heart:

[thinkpink]

I personally like my hair. Yeah, it's frizzy and can be wonkily curly sometimes but whatever. I don't look good in slick straight hair, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[hennalonghair]

It sometimes feels like the grass is greener on the other side, especially here looking at all of the beautiful hair you are right its so easy to compare and to feel that you have come up short. I think the best we can do is appreciate what we have and take it one day at a time.

I read something years ago, about how long hair makes a woman seem more feminine and soft and beautiful. I didnt really pay much attention to it at the time and chopped off all of my hair to chin length , and repeated for years. I have started to regrow my hair in 2013. I am really loving having long hair. But I have done a lot of damage to my hair... bleaching for Ombre, then black over black over black , i've probably done full head box dyes 16 times in 3 years and bleached twice. My hair is now recovering from that. I began using henna in April, and I really like it . I have vitiligo so i have a large streak of white hair in the front Like Anna from frozen, and one in the back as well . so in those spots its RED. but the rest is just red.

What I'm saying is. Being here on LHC has shown me many things and encouraged me to try new things and take better care of my hair , I do love my hair now and I love all of yours as well.
Great post! Your hennaed hair with those big bold silver streaks is gotta look awesome:applause:

[Victoria.Nichol]

Thanks! :heartbeat:heartbeat:heartbeat,
I love your color as well and that awesome purple hair clip thing, is so beautiful. What is that called?

[hennalonghair]

Thanks. :flowers: It's called a Beaded 8. :blushing:

[lilin]

You know, I think the only thing I've ever been really jealous of is people with agreeable hair that likes everything!

I do like my hair and I think it's quite pretty when it's happy. But woe betide whomever displeases it -- and the list of things that displease it is very long. My hair is very fine and acquires mechanical damage easily. Like most textured hair, it runs a bit on the drier side, but it's hard to please in how I go about addressing that. My hair is picky, picky, picky about conditioners and oils. Seriously, two ingredients just switched around can make or break a product for me. It's also picky about surfactants. My skin reacts to sulphates and they are very drying on my hair.

That's why I went to DIY. But the pickiness continued to be problematic for me. I eventually found something that worked... and then I moved and the difference in the water broke the efficacy of my routine. So back to the drawing board with CO.

I am so jealous of people whose hair seems to deal with anything!

But on the appearance side of things, there are lots of people with a different hair type than mine whose hair I love. But on the other hand, my friend said the other day that when she had a pixie, she used to heat style to try to make it look like mine does just straight after a wash with no styling (her hair is straight).

At the end of it, I think it just means there's many kinds of beautiful hair.

[wool]

I get what you are saying Hennalonghair! I probably have some of the sleek, smooth hair you talked about. I started off enjoying my hair type but as it never grew into a thick hemline, and my updos made me look Gollum-like through lack of pouf and volume, I started feeling like a hair loser too. I sit here and look at other people with any kind of wave or coarse hairs, marveling at all that space between their hairs that create volume! This is what many non-LHCers refer to as a 'thick head of healthy hair', and see piecey, raggedy hair like mine, albeit in pretty good condition, and think it's unhealthy because it looks like a thin strip of hair down my back and not a wide, back-covering curtain (like 'healthy hair' is supposed to look, right?).



I understand what you mean and I am definitely a lot happier not worrying so much about it. I also don't really take hair photos any more because to me, it never looks all that great and I don't get compliments about it IRL.


Just yes to everything you said! Especially the curtain of hair, I love seeing pictures of the people who actually have it but its hard to know that no matter what you do you'll never get to that. The 1a/f/i/ii pictures are my favorite though since I'm also that type, the care and attention that has to go into any fine hair to keep it from breaking or getting damaged is definitely hard work and we should be proud of every inch! I marvel at the users who make it to classic and beyond with fine thin hair and hope one day my hair can grow to those lengths as well and look as shiny and lovely!

[Neptune]

i have to say that I <3 my hair ... not too thin, not too thick. it's in MUCH better condition since i joined LHC! i *do* get super frustrated with my cowlicks though -- two huuuge ones on the back of my head!! would totally trade those in :disgust:

[jrmviola]

As someone who has super fine, FTL plus hair, sometimes you just have to love your hair as it is. No one post's pics of my hair type because they are.... ashamed?.... of their see through hair at great lengths, is my guess. But you have to accept what you have sometimes. oils make it thin looking but give it a longer life and make it stronger. Dryer hair with no oil gives it body but no strength and it becomes see through. Putting it up causes damage, leaving it down causes damage, braiding damages it, ponytails, bobby pins, a bun tight enough to keep hair sticks in will cause damage, but the new growth is so slick anything looser the sticks fall out. So my point is, damage and all, its what you have and you might as well enjoy it. So what that its so dark it swallows most details in braids and the light just disappears. How do the people who lost their hair feel? Dont they wish they had our "hair problems"? I have to keep telling myself all this because im as insecure as the next person and just wish all the "flaws" would go away. But its not flaws, its CHARACTER.

[JadedByEntropy]

Oh yes, the grass is very green around here, but i think it goes for all of us! There are so many types and styles to be admiring. I've dyed a lot and bleached and all before i got to LHC. I was never happy with my hair until it grew longer like my childhood years, and still can't wait until its beautifully at least half gray...a style that cant be bought. It must be earned.
From destroying my hair i learned that it was come and go and could hold certain shapes for an event, but it was just something to have fun with. I have to like what i naturally have, because its too hard to 'fix'. And so many people are 'fixing' their hair to be like mine. Changing what you have to match others' type or style is so pointless of an exercise in wasting time and self-hatred. I still get phases of trying new things and wishing it would grow xD but all in all i've grown to see that what i grow in my garden is just fine.

[missrandie]

There are posies, violets, roses, daisies, marigolds, lillies, and a thousand more kinds of flowers. Each one is beautiful in its own way. So are we.

My hair is just that: MY hair. The only greener grass I see is that I envy my future self, because she will be making buns and enjoying her long, ambiguously colored coyote hair!

Your grass gets greener if you water it.

[DollyDagger]

^nicely put missrandie :)
And coyote howwwwwwwwwls to the moon and the future doos :) !

[missrandie]

^nicely put missrandie :)
And coyote howwwwwwwwwls to the moon and the future doos :) !

Lol the only reason I call it coyote is because my mom does. Just like a coyote, there are blonde, red, brown, and black hairs ranging from ultra fine spider silk to much thicker medium strands.. But mostly my hair looks that blonette/tawny/fawn color, with majority of 1b/f hairs. Heck, sometimes it reminds me of the brome grass back home in the winter.. Almost ashy at the top, but redder and warmer as you look down. Lol I love it.

[hennalonghair]

Those are horrible comments actually.

some people find mean things to say about everybody though. the same person that would snag you for being too thin would turn around and snag somebody else for being too thick. Or too curly or too straight, or--something. some people just dont' want to see anybody else feeling good about themselves--probably becasue they don't like themselves very much.
I have always admired your hair, as you know.

This is so true. It's funny the mixed messages we get our entire life.
We are told we are as unique as each snowflake that falls and to be proud of our uniqueness even if that means listening to the beat of a different drummer and yet consumerism gets in there so of course we need to follow the latest styles to be cool, but who sets the standard? Do we fall prey to standard conditioning and blend in or do we make our own path?
I'm sure we have all done things to be trendy with the desire to fit in but eventually I think most of us drift away from the pack and that's ok.

I agree that most mean spirited people lash out at others because they aren't happy themselves and if they can't make themselves happy then they don't like seeing others happy either . For these people nothing makes them happy ; if it's not your hair it's the clothes you wear or the car you drive or how you drive the car etc. These truly are miserable humans who hate seeing others happy and will rain or your parade any chance they can.

[DollyDagger]

Lol the only reason I call it coyote is because my mom does. Just like a coyote, there are blonde, red, brown, and black hairs ranging from ultra fine spider silk to much thicker medium strands.. But mostly my hair looks that blonette/tawny/fawn color, with majority of 1b/f hairs. Heck, sometimes it reminds me of the brome grass back home in the winter.. Almost ashy at the top, but redder and warmer as you look down. Lol I love it.

That's great you love it! :) Between your mom and your funny hubby you're surrounded by comedians :)

[missmelaniem]

:blossom:Life is too short to spend energy on things we can't ever change or control :) Pour the energy instead on making the most of what you have and enjoying the process - it makes life so much happier!! :) :) :)

This all over the place!

This is how I feel. I just want to be the absolute best of whatever I can be and that includes my hairs!! :bounce:

[AutobotsAttack]

Personally speaking as someone who is chemically straightened, I have a glance at both sides of the spectrum. The mid length of my hair is straight (although it doesnt act like it), while the natural hair tends to emerge as new growth, and its BEYOND curly (rather coiled in such a way). Sometimes i feel like saying f*** it, and cutting it, but i have worked too hard, and spent good hard earned money way or another, and i am seeing excellent hair growth. Personally the grass really isnt greener anywhere. Straighties have to worry about things such as that oily look, curls falling flat, hair is too sleek, wont stay in a bun or braid. The curlies have to worry about frizz, tangles, knots, skrinkage, etc. For me i have a combination of pretty much everything. However i would not change a thing because it challenges me to think and find new ways and techniques that best suit my hair. I love my relaxed hair but i also love my natural coils that come in and have found a way to take care of two different textures and ive really come to admire them over the years. So i personally just like to be happy for what i do have, and just accept the things i dont.

[jel]

I suppose I was lucky that my hair was short when I joined LHC. I could not compare - I was just admiring and hoping that my hair would one day grow as long as I wanted it to. The whole journey was new to me, and I learned to admire without desire, as Neko Kawai put it. I also learned to appreciate what I have, and make the best of it. Even now, I sometimes realise that what I believe about my hair isn't really true - for example, for a long time I thought my hair was really straight, whilst it's actually rather wavy at this stage. But I'm happy with it, and that's what matters! :)

[arelrios]

I wish my hair behaved all the same way ... Having so many lengths and different textures and thickness makes it difficult to have a 'good day' hair.... But mostly, I wish to find a good routine / products so I can work with what I have and finally... I wish to fnd a way to deal with my scalp which has decided to be a rebel lately...

Same as Rags, I got some not so nice comments (IRL) about my hair... Those make to accept my hair a bit more difficult...

[Finallymajor]

As I grow out super short cuts, I always tell myself how much I will love my hair more once I hit "whatever" milestone length. The list of things I dislike about my hair's density or texture gets longer as the hair does! Growing out hair is just as much as an inward change if you let it. If acceptance and self-love is your "other side" then it can be greener! (I still complain though haha)

[Laurenji]

I do wonder sometimes what it would be like to have curly hair that would actually stay in buns, or thinner hair that I would be able to do more kinds of buns with sooner.

But like a lot of other people have said, I think being on LHC has taught me to love my hair, and not to wish as much that it was something else. I see all the trouble curlies go through now, and I realize that even though I really love the look of curly hair, I probably wouldn't have the patience to deal with it.

[TwilightShadow]

Sometimes I wish I were on the thicker side of ii, towards iii, but other than that, I've learned to accept my hair and being on LHC has really helped. Getting a :thud: or :thudpile: when you post a hair photo really makes you think your hair isn't so bad after all.

[DreamSheep]

I have really enjoyed reading this thread - it's become one of my current favourites going on right now :)

I really like to read too about those people who say the grass is greener if you water it, or that they no longer want something different, because it is lovely to read about self-acceptance. :)

For me it's kind of the opposite, I wish I would be more open to change. When I dyed my hair red last year, it was actually something I had been wanting to do for ages, but because I wasn't sure if I'd be pleased with the result I put it off loads, and I actually wish I had a bit more security or impulsiveness in trying out new things with my appearance. So for me those greener grasses are those who are happy to try things out that look awesome, whereas I spend months or years deliberating before doing it. :p

Sometimes I also wonder what my hair would be like if it weren't so thick, but I often feel a bit wary of complaining about any of the problems relating to thick hair, because I do notice that there seems to be a desire for thicker hair (even when everyone's hair looks 100% gorgeous as it is and they have the added superplus that they can make gorgeous styles at their length that don't look weirdly oversized ;-) ) - and I get worried that people may think I'm bragging when I make a post about it, or when I post a picture (when usually it is more about achieving a new style or just feeling like I have a good hair day). Not that anyone/everyone might think that and could just be a brain over-thinking worry, but sometimes I wonder if anyone else feels like that. So yes, I guess my grass-greener sides are more to do with not feeling guilt with sharing pictures (though I end up sharing them anyway so I guess that battle is half won), and being more open to trying new things on my hair! :-3

((and well, I won't lie, there are days I wish my hair was curlier, straighter, longer, a lighter colour, white, a beautiful black etc... but I'm so afraid of change from my own hair that at least I know I love it as it is! :p))
That said, the thing I love the most about this forum is the feeling of love, appreciation and kindness - as well as the fact that everyone has really varied and equally gorgeous hair across all hairtypes and lengths :)

[Stray_mind]

I don't know, it's probably the other way around for me. I've allways been critical and self conscious about my hair. There are a lot of girls in my city with gorgeous thick hair and i felt like mine kinda faded in front of all of them. But since i joined this forum, i learned that there are so many different types of hair out there and all of them have their own pluses and minuses and i kinda learned to try and get the best out of what i have, so now i am trying to take care of my hair and just be content with my own hairtype and thickness. :)