Mid-30's crisis...when age suggests you recreate your look

[Ponytale]

OK, I am 36, and I am feeling some sort of "mid-life cool crisis". I just feel so dull! I am on-again off-again on whether my hair is making me look old, or if I still can pull off a bun and look "stylish".

A life-long long-haired friend (20 years older than me) had an agreement with her father that when she started to look old with her long, straight, center-parted hair, he would tell (his idea). I remember the day came when she was in her 40s and she cut in some bangs and got rid of the center part--keeping the hip-length hair.

Sometimes, I feel I am at that stage. I wear buns, chinese buns, and figure eights, and sometimes I just feel I need to add some zip! My forehead lines show, my hair has darkened without the sun and dyes, and I have *always* had this hair. I feel old. I need to create a style which suits me, my aging look, but gives me back the the artsy look I have always aspired to. I don't want to become an aging characature of myself! I am redoing my wardrobe to bring some fresh fashion into *my* look, but I don't know bout my hair. I want long hair, but I need to update (I think) when I need to.

Anyone else out ther have these thoughts? Any, "spruce it up" ideas?

[spidermom]

Last time I felt that way, I cut some face-framing fringe in. Lately I've been letting it grow because it's more convenient to have it back most of the time. But fringe does give me more style possibilities, especially since I'm not as concerned about damaging fringe as I am my longest lengths.

[atlantaz3]

I'm right there with you only it's 40's not 30. I've spent the last five years growing out layers and bleach. Okay now I am bored with the all one length. I'm thinking layers but long enough to still pull back pin up. I did well with french braids and putting the odd lengths in place - so the tail got a little think - tuck it up and under. Remember the two week rule before doing anything drastic. Any chance a new hair accessory will do the trick - something more expensive than usual or extra fancy.
Or have your make up done age appropriately - might make a big difference with out having to do something drastic to the hair.

[MsBubbles]

For what it's worth, I still had a short, highlighted bob in my mid-30s. I thought I was starting to look old and haggard. So what do I do? I hit 41 with a huge furrow between my eyebrows and grow my dead-straight hair downwards. When I think how 'young' I looked at 36!!! I am tempted to think now in my 40s that I need to cover up the hag-like frown mark with bangs - but bangs make my nose look even bigger and my overall hair thinness even thinner! So what's my point? Well I understand what you're going through and have agonized over being older with long, bangless hair.

However, thanks to this website and one or two other long hair forums, I have been inspired by women a decade or two older than me, who look incredible (without bangs). Their hair is so healthy, so spectacular, they look (and are) extremely comfortable in their own skin and I'd like to aspire to that. I dunno, I think I've decided to work on having a happy facial expression and not worry so much about not looking young any more.

Some people look good with bangs. I don't. Plus my thin, greasy straight hair gets plastered to my forehead like it's spray-painted on. So it's bang-less and frowny for me :).

[Tressie]

For what it's worth, I still had a short, highlighted bob in my mid-30s. I thought I was starting to look old and haggard. So what do I do? I hit 41 with a huge furrow between my eyebrows and grow my dead-straight hair downwards. When I think how 'young' I looked at 36!!! I am tempted to think now in my 40s that I need to cover up the hag-like frown mark with bangs - but bangs make my nose look even bigger and my overall hair thinness even thinner! So what's my point? Well I understand what you're going through and have agonized over being older with long, bangless hair.

However, thanks to this website and one or two other long hair forums, I have been inspired by women a decade or two older than me, who look incredible (without bangs). Their hair is so healthy, so spectacular, they look (and are) extremely comfortable in their own skin and I'd like to aspire to that. I dunno, I think I've decided to work on having a happy facial expression and not worry so much about not looking young any more.

Some people look good with bangs. I don't. Plus my thin, greasy straight hair gets plastered to my forehead like it's spray-painted on. So it's bang-less and frowny for me :).
Right on MsBubbles! (You can tell I'm old can't ya? LOL!) You spoke of other women on this forum inspiring you.............well you just inspired me! Thanks! I hope Ponytale is encouraged too!

[ilovelonghair]

OK, I am 36, and I am feeling some sort of "mid-life cool crisis".


36 is so young! Don't worry about it :). I'm 34 and I don't worry about it. After all ask people who are older and they say we're just babies to them :D. I know some people who are quite a bit older then me, have long hair and they look so good. I think it's more a psychological thing then an actual age thing. I went through some difficulties when I became 30, I thought I was getting old LOL, to be honest I already was dreading becomeing 30 when I was 25.... But now I'm 34, nothing changed, so why worry?
You can always experiment with hair styles, that's the beauty of having long hair: it can be different every day!

[Darian Moone]

In your 30s - you're young! I'm 50 and, yes, I've cut to BSL this year, but I'm growing it out once again. If you think you look old, for me some face framing layers and side swept bangs have helped perk things up a little. The great thing about it is you can have hair as long as you please and still have a bit of fringe on the side for variety.

[skay]

Hi Ponytale, good for you on trying to keep things fresh! As the quote says, there's nothing as constant as change. :)

At certain ages and times, I think a mid-part can look dated on a person. I think a side part can be refreshing.

Here are some links to check out that show parts and hairstyles with side parts...

Overall, I think a side part (without bangs even) with a low ponytail or 2 can look artsy and cute.

1) http://www.bosshairstyles.com/articles/hairstyle-tips/new-hair-part.htm

http://www.bosshairstyles.com/images/articles/side-part.jpg

2) http://www.latest-hairstyles.com/long/side-ponytail.html - this looks especially fun to me!




http://www.latest-hairstyles.com/images/longseries/kiebler-side-ponytail.jpg

3) http://www.hrhairstyles.com/hair_styles_12nov06.htm


http://www.hrhairstyles.com/sidebunsidebangs.jpg

http://www.hrhairstyles.com/gabrielle-union-updo.jpg

[longhairedfairy]

Wha? 36 ain't even close to mid-life. Lol. Cheer up:) *hugs*

[angelthadiva]

Look at my age, I've been where you are!

I thought I looked like a frumpy old lady for years!! I do all different sorts of styles, I play w/my part (it's a natural offset part). I have a few inches on you now, but I certainly don't feel frumpy...Or old.

My make up is fresh and up-to-date...That can age someone faster than a hairstyle!

Ps. I've done the fringe (not for me) and I've done the face framing layers...They are okay :shrug: it will give you a different look...However, for me, it just frustrated me because the stylist didn't listen and cut my shortest layer too short and if I decided to do an updo the sides would fall out.

[banglaminerva]

OK, who's been peeking in my head?!

Except for me, its the 40s rather than the 30s. I still want to keep my length, but have been thinking about side swept bangs. But my hair it still pretty thin, so I don't know if they'd really work.

I have been playing around on http://www.taaz.com with hair styles and like what I saw there. But I don't know how well it translates to reality. And I've never been to a salon, so I have no one to go to. There is a new Aveda salon in town and I am thinking of going in and just talking to them.

[gdimoonbeam]

I've had my hair cut short 2 times in my life. Once when I was about 7 or 8 and Hamel cuts were the rage. Second on my 30th birthday.

On that day I went from waist length to my earlobes and my DB ( eventually my DH ) didn't say but maybe 5 words at dinner!! He just sat and stared. My family had the same response.

Over the next couple of months I realized it wasn't about being stylish but finding my own style. Now I'm 38 and my hair is longer than ever.

Once upon a time women of all ages had long hair it was a novelty to see a female with short hair. The shock of a woman cutting her hair was even written about in "Little Women".

Then it became the trend to go short as women aged. It is almost expected.

I feel it is time we mixed the trends! We need to do what we are comfortable with no matter the age. If you feel better short, with bangs, long or just shorter it is your choice.

My mother envied that I grow my hair long so I told her about my theory and every now and then when she takes her hair out of her french twist I can see at 70 (sorry mom) her hair is below her shoulder blades where before it was at her shoulders.

With all that written I will say there are few things that make me smile inside than an elder with long flowing grey hair.

[ChloeDharma]

I've been dealing with 30 crisis this year and thinking i look old and past it. I know this is just in my head though.
My way of dealing with it has been to focus on treating my hair and skin.....but for a new look maybe try hair pieces and clip in extensions. You can create different looks and have fun with it without having to deal with hairdressers not doing what you want, or growing out ideas that seemed clever at the time but you later regret.
For lightening why not try the honey method? It sounds as if you like that subtle lightening as you mention highlights from the sun.
New makeup as has already been suggested can make a huge difference, and if you like the arty funky vibes what about getting some henna tattoo'ing done?

[vindo]

Hm.. I have never connected age and hair in my head, meaning I don't see how it can make someone look really younger or older, but if you want a a change a new part would be an idea or a bangs and face framing layers or even more layers if that would not do the trick.

Most importantly - don't think about age too much, just wear your hair in a style that makes you feel the most beautiful.:)

[nastasska]

A picture speaks a thousand words

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v339/Nastasska/jerryhallhair.jpg

Jerry Hall Still Hairy :rockerdud:

[Katze]

I don't think the OP was asking about cutting, so much, as about updating her look, and being tired of 'the same hair'.

Currently I am going through this myself. Being pregnant, I've looked it since the first month (belly would not tolerate my normal tight pants), and just saw photos of myself where I look AWFUL, and my hair looks awful. Dumpy, pale, bad posture, getting jowly, dark circles under my eyes...oh, and my boobs are HUGE. So what to do? I am trying to dress a bit better, smile more, wear lipstick and bronzing powder to brighten myself up more, and just generally walk around with the attitude that I AM good looking. Despite looking old before my time.

As for hair, it's a hard one to answer. When your hair is kind of 'blah' and you can't do anything else with it, or it is a 'blah' kind of drab color as mine is (unless the sun is shining).

Pulling my hair straight back and making a 'poof' updates my look and lengthens my round face, and doing different things when I put it up (all I can really do is a messy twist, but there are a number of variations on this - headband, mini claw clips, tendrils coming down, etc.). Headbands make me look younger.

Sometimes I long for the days where I was blonde, because I felt pretty, but when I look at pictures of my yellowed, dry hair I know that was not the case! :D

[ilovelonghair]

At certain ages and times, I think a mid-part can look dated on a person.


I think it has to do with fashion too. Sometimes you see people with hairstyles from the 90's and that IS dated :). I always have a middle parting but it suits me, some people never suit that. Sometimes I do a site parting and it's fun because it gives a total different look. But my hair is stubborn it WANTS to part in the middle!

[minkstole]

I think joie de vivre will make you look younger than anything else;) However, a little change never hurt anyone. You changed your clothes. Maybe you could cut and paste your photo into one of those hair-sites, so you can see if bangs, layers, highlights, purple suits you. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

[FrannyG]

I've been where you are, at about the age that you are. I think that the secret is to change it up a little. Try some french braids near your hairline at the front or perhaps change your part. Add a poof here or there. Perhaps you can try an asymmetrical look. Honestly, the possibilities are endless.

I just know that when I was in my thirties and thought that my hair was making me look older, I went and cut it quite short and that really made me look older.

As long as you have fun with your hair, and enjoy life, you will never look old. :blossom:

[Tabitha]

I'm older than you by a decade, and I think that my fringe (bangs) helps stop me looking too severe. It's worth the hassle of having to wash it separately sometimes before the rest of the hair needs washing, and just straighten it out with a quick cool blast of the blowdryer.

Also, I do believe "you're as young as you feel" (whether that be in your joints, or inside your head!).

[frodolaughs]

I'd try new updos and braid styles before cutting. Last time I cut my hair because I thought I needed a change, and I've been growing it out ever since. My hair inspiration is a friend who had a hip-length braid when I was in high school. She must have been in her mid to late 50's at the time, and even though her hair was completely gray with white streaks, she was the most youthful looking person I've ever known.

[Eireann]

Bangs or face framing layers can make an up-do look more like a style. Also, consider long layers and/or some new color (if you're not opposed to chemicals on your head.) You could even go to a salon for a consult. My old hairstylist had tailbone length hair that had layers and highlight and looked totally hip and modern. It wasn't extensions. . .I asked her! (Sadly, that's always my first thought when I see "trendy" looking longhairs!) She said she had recently had it cut from classic to tailbone. (Alas, the last time I went in for a waxing, I noticed that she had chopped to her shoulders. . .to each her own!)

[wintersun99]

..............

[dor3girl]

I think bangs are a good idea. I just turned 34 & cut some on me--mostly cause I was bored, but also because my forehead seems more narrow than my chin, so I thought a side-swept bang would be a good thing. At first, I hated the bangs (& they aren't that heavy)--I am getting used to them, now. Depending on your face shape--there are a few ways you can wear bangs that will help you look younger and/or more stylish. If you have a lot of hair, I would recommend starting with some light layers that begin at your chin (& forego the bangs)--sometimes a little movement within the hair will help you fall in love with your hair again. If you are scared to try the layers (or, if your hair is fine)--start with "baby bangs" and maybe a temporary color or few highlights on the top of the head--you might like it. There are even salons that will let you try on bangs (hair pieces)--so you don't have to chop your own... Here is a site that will give you a virtual make-over: http://www.thehairstyler.com/virtual_hairstyles.asp

[Deborah]

Maybe you need to try some new updos, or even just try fastening your comfortable bun styles in a different way. A couple of new hairtoys might help you feel more stylish. Try French braids (I simply cannot do them, but I love the way they look) or do some half-ups. A French twist can be quite beautiful, and is easy to do. It can be anchored in so many different ways.

Growing older has become so difficult for women. I think it is largely from social pressure to look young. At 55 I don't feel old at all. I simply feel more mature. Aging is just growing up more, going through new stages, same as when we were children. We need to get our minds re-aligned, not our bodies/skin/hair. Life does not come to a standstill at any age; it's all onward and upward. Honestly.

Back to hair. It's your choice of course, but don't feel pressure to make any big change to your hair unless you genuinely want to, not because you believe it will make you feel better or look younger. For me the idea of bangs or layers or color changes or perms or straightening have absolutely no appeal. I LOVE having all one length, fully natural hair that is simply and uniquely me. It is so easy to care for, and is one long stream of shine and beauty. For most women, I truly don't think there is any way to improve on that look. If you feel differently, then go for what you genuinely think is a more beautiful look, but don't make a major change simply because you feel yourself moving into a new (and quite possibly better and happier) phase of your own unique life stream.

I hope I'm not lecturing; that is not my intention. I just want you to know that life gets better, not worse, as we grow more and more into who we really are, as we learn new things about ourselves and the world around us. Our vision becomes broader and deeper. It is actually quite a lot of fun. :flower:

[Lady Jane]

I turned 36 yesterday and I just went through this! It's the reason I found LHC because I was looking for something to do with my hair. I pondered the question and decided what I really hated was my hairline, not my length (it's longer than my avatar, I need to find a better pic). So I pondered some more, got some pics online and printed about six to take to my stylist. I wanted side swept bangs and tried to find actresses with similiar face structure and hair type (no use trying to do the impossible!). The end result was I got my bangs and I love them! They do exactly what I wanted them to do: soften my hair line, allow for more styling possiblities and give me something to play with. I love them! It's just a question of finding out what will work for you (and some luck with getting someone you trust to cut your hair)!

[misstwist]

I've gone through the "feeling matronly" thing in the last couple years as well. For me, it has driven me to lose some weight, update my wardrobe and grow out my hair.

If you want to cultivate an artsy look, I would concentrate on the flowy bo-ho styles that are popular right now, a couple distinctive pieces of jewlery, and long, flowing hair.

Move the part to the side, go to the honey lightening thread and read up on that process, cut some layers into the bottom two inches of your hair.

I used the "ponytail on top of the head, cut the bottom of that off straight method" and it worked very well. Braids can be annoying, but I just make them with a long tassel and my hair is nice and swingy when it's down.

Good luck!

[Tangles]

I think it really depends on face shape more than age. That said, I dont think I've seen that many people where a centre part looked BAD. Have you tried bun curls or braid waves for some lift?

[heidi w.]

I guess I have yet to hit mid-age crisis. I'm just shy of 50!!

Side part, my dear! Most do not look so great in a center part, but give the same person a side part, and suddenly we have a more pleasing affect - nothing else need change.


braided buns.

Use ornaments and ribbons -- you can wrap hair with ribbons, you can weave in ribbons.

Position the bun in different locales.

Learn more variety of updos.

Half updo, half down.

Um, isn't 30 is like the new 20, and so on???

Wait til you meet someone who really IS in a mid-life crisis.

If you want a little change, that's not the same as a mid-life crisis exactly. MOO (My Opinion Only)

heidi w.

[Rosepatrice]

Hm.. I have never connected age and hair in my head, meaning I don't see how it can make someone look really younger or older, but if you want a a change a new part would be an idea or a bangs and face framing layers or even more layers if that would not do the trick.

Most importantly - don't think about age too much, just wear your hair in a style that makes you feel the most beautiful.:)


This is how I feel, too! When I get older, I still want to have long hair, no matter how much older I may get! I think you can wear your hair any length, it's more the clothing a person wears and how they act that could be aging or not... and also how they take care of themselves..what they eat, if they exercise, ect. which is a major importance, too. Don't know if I'm making any sense, lol. But, I'm sure tyring.

If you wore your hair in a short, curly grey hair style, well, then, yes, that would be aging, I think.

[cocolover]

I actually think short hair ages a person, as that seems to be what happens with most women, they get older and then cut their hair short. Women seem do this specifically in their 30's, as if the 20's are the only time to have long hair! DH asked me to PLEASE not cut my hair supershort as I got older :). I saw people talking about Brooke Shields on the board earlier and when I think of her I think a big part of her youthfulness comes from her beautiful hair.

[funnybunny668]

Growing older has become so difficult for women. I think it is largely from social pressure to look young. At 55 I don't feel old at all. I simply feel more mature. Aging is just growing up more, going through new stages, same as when we were children. We need to get our minds re-aligned, not our bodies/skin/hair. Life does not come to a standstill at any age; it's all onward and upward. Honestly.

Very well said! I have to throw in my 2 cents and say that at 40, I've decided to accept what life gives me and enjoy it. Grey hairs, wrinkles, whatever! Oh, and I'm getting into comfort over fashion when it comes to shoes and clothes! LOL :cool:

[Ponytale]

All I can say is--Wow! I could not check the forum at work, so I was absolutely stunned by the number of supportive responses that you all wrote today! This reminds me I am part of a community who shares the same pressures and thoughts. Thank you.

I do not think of it as a "mid-life" crisis so to speak--I don't question my life, career, etc. It is more of an aging image issue. I want to "thumb my nose" at female beauty idealism, and grow old with a sense of timeless self-confidence and grace. However, I am not completely immune to societal expectations unfortunately.

Thank you all again....now I am going back to reread the comments! I may have to have to print this thread out and sort through the ideas. There are a number of constant opinions here about hair parts, fringe, etc.

[banglaminerva]

I was thinking of this thread and decided to stop by Sally's to see what they had to help me shake things up a bit. I picked up a bottle of root lifter and a volumizing gel. Used them this morning and though it wasn't a radical change, it felt different enough that my attitude was different.

Dor3girl, thanks for the link to the virtual styling site. I'd rather play around those sites to try things out before i go near anyone with scissors.

[ladyshannonanne]

A little side-swept fringe can really help you feel like you have a new look and it's pretty easy to grow out if you don't like it--it blends in really well.

[ole gray mare]

Yes, I remember feeling similar feelings from my mid-thirties to 40. It's kind of an inbetween age. Not the young ingenue anymore, not quite mid-life. It is hard to find an appropriate look sometimes at that age.

Whenever I feel that way these days, I make my hair the LAST thing I will sacrifice. I'd rather change my look with a new outfit, or makeup, or simple changes to the hairstyle that don't involve cutting. But I am very committed to growing, so that's why I put cutting last on the look.

I also discovered that as I was in that age, I no longer carried off bangs very well. Whereas they had always looked good on me, I just felt they no longer looked "right". I gave them one last chance when I was about 38, but they no longer suited me like they had when I was younger. It was kind of weird. :)