Support thread for emotional trimmers

[akuamoonmaui]

Aloha All,

So I don't think I've seen a thread like this.

I'm getting better now as my hair has gotten longer, but....
I trim when I'm stressed. Then I'm more stressed because now my hair is shorter. Then I have to live with my shorter hair, and I'm stressed because now it's going to take That.Much.Longer. to grow back to where it was! Then stressed because I've lost that amount of time that my hair could have been that much longer. It's a vicious circle.

On a more serious note, I was in a very long and unhappy marriage. I would trim/cut when I was stressed, frustrated, hoping it would make my hair look better (thus make me feel better), etc., etc. I could never get my hair past shoulder blade length and I really wanted long hair. I'd end up with bad hair cuts, or cut it myself because I couldn't trust hairdressers (my hair has a weird curl pattern) and we all know how well THAT turns out...

So I finally booted the Wasband and lo and behold, my stress levels went down and I could get my hair to grow longer. If I wasn't conscious that I was trimming out of anxiety, it certainly became apparent once the major source was gone.

I thought this might be a nice, safe place to vent, cry, share, get support for those of us who emotionally trim.

~ A.

[KittyCatCarrie]

Congrats on putting yourself first! Negative people will always bring others down. When I get to points in my life when it feels like i've lost control I get that urge to cut my hair. I just put it up in a bun and try and focus on other things in my life. I hope for you all the joy and peace for your life.

[missrandie]

I am a recovering emotional trimmer. I used to see my hairdresser 12-15 times a year getting my pixie shortened. I realize now that while I enjoyed my pixie, I only really kept it because it was something I could control.

It has now been 3 months since I saw my hairdresser! I hope to extend that nearly indefinitely.

[lapis_lazuli]

Good idea for a thread!:thumbsup: I think I'm an emotional trimmer, too... It's for that reason I haven't trimmed in over a year! I'm so scared to lose length..

[DollyDagger]

definitely a good idea for a thread..along with trimmers there are the impulsive colorers, bleachers, and choppers (ie britney spears )
Im glad youre happier these days :)

[turtlelover]

My last major haircut came after a major relationship failure, so I have definitely been guilty of this! I haven't really had the urge to cut in awhile, but I am sure tempted to dye when feeling down about myself, even though I REALLY want to give up color and go natural. I think there is an urge to control the things we CAN control when the rest of life seems out of our control.

[Jo Ann]

Akuamoonmaui, "wasband," I'm going to have to remember that one... :p

It seems that cutting one's hair (either by oneself or by a Trained Professional) is a stress behavior similar to overspending, biting one's nails, overeating, neglecting ourselves or other destructive tendency we all are prone to when we feel stressed or "out of control." I've been guilty in the past of biting my nails down to the quick and neglecting my appearance, for example.

I would think it all boils down to how/why we choose to deal with our stressors the way we do. It would appear that, once you understand why you do something, you can take steps to correct or alter that behavior. In your case, you realized you were in an unhealthy relationship and took measures to get out of it; once out of that relationship, you were able to step back and get a better understanding of what you were doing and why, and that's a GOOD thing! Getting a better understanding and insight of oneself is ALWAYS a good thing!

It would seem that we, all of us, in an uncontrollable situation, try to find some way to control that which we can--and one thing we CAN control is our appearance, through an "improvement" or neglect. Only by stepping back (if possible) and looking at what's causing the stress objectively can we find constructive ways to deal with it.

Congratulations on finding a healthy way to deal with your situation! Finding the courage and resolve to get out of a bad relationship is always a plus. May you have better, happier days ahead!

[alexis917]

Yay for dumping toxic people! I have a tendency to emotionally trim, but I'm trying just to micro-trim now for the sake of my hair...

[mwallingford]

Gee, I had no idea that that happens, but now I can definitely see why. Support to all those who need it! :flowers:

[Elfa]

Wow, I found my place! Reviving this because I'm dealing with my compulsion to trim hair everytime I get anxious and it's so hard to resist it! I just made 1 month without trimming, but it feels like an year and I'm like "ok, is it time to trim already?". And for sure it doesn't help that I'm growing out bleached hair and I currently don't like it, even if many people say it looks beautiful.
So annoying! I wish I could be one of these people who are lazy to trim or can just forget about hair :(

[lapushka]

Wow, I found my place! Reviving this because I'm dealing with my compulsion to trim hair everytime I get anxious and it's so hard to resist it! I just made 1 month without trimming, but it feels like an year and I'm like "ok, is it time to trim already?". And for sure it doesn't help that I'm growing out bleached hair and I currently don't like it, even if many people say it looks beautiful.
So annoying! I wish I could be one of these people who are lazy to trim or can just forget about hair :(

Maybe it'll get better once the bleach is out of your hair. :flower:

[Nettyx]

I'm an emotional trimmer/colourer too. Usually when I am stressed about an event I am due to attend out come the scissors or the hair dye and I usually make a pigs ear of it. My last one was for new year when I was due to collect my husband from the airport (he had been visiting his parents in Germany) and I trimmed 4 inches off my hair and gave myself a crazy fringe too. it was so short I looked permanently surprised. I guess because I am overweight my hair is something I feel I have control over.

[Elfa]

Maybe it'll get better once the bleach is out of your hair. :flower:

I hope so! Before the bleach disaster, I wasn't such a scissor crazy. I barely knew my hair from the back...

[Qz]

Wow, can I ever relate! For most of my life I hacked, chopped, permed, and dyed my poor hair every time I had some emotional upheaval (or thought I did). For me, things got better when I hit about 40 and settled down some overall. Now I don't have any trouble leaving my hair alone and letting it grow, so apparently age does bring some benefits.

[LongCurlyTress]

Yep!! Great topic OP!! I can really relate...Thank you for starting this thread. :knitfrog:

[Agnes Eliza]

I was an emotional dyer. I finally stopped when I literally fried all my hair off. Talk about learning the hard way. :( I just stick to black now. I never really thought about it being an emotional thing but in retrospect I realize it totally was. Thanks for starting this topic.

[Ondine11]

I thought I was the only one!!! I had heard of people who pull out their own hairs one at a time, due to stress & anxiety, leading to bald patches & sometimes, complete baldness, but, I didn't know trimming was a 'thing'. Whenever I was under stress, especially when it was due to factors beyond my control, I would do something to my hair. Sometimes, it served as a maladaptive distraction. In retrospect, sometimes it was a futile attempt to become someone else, & maybe, my life would be different, too.

My hair has been through the ringer, over the years. It took me a surprisingly long time to realize that I was acting my life's stress out upon my hair: chopping it off short, regretting it a week later, feeling like a colour change would 'fix' the bad cut...& round & round it went. Now, Especially since joining LHC, I treat my hair so much better, & it is growing long & healthy.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

This was me for a time, emotional trimming. Getting stressed about life and my hair and cutting thinking it would help.

[hairaddiction]

I have to admit this is where I belong to as well. At least where I used to, hopefully. Now that I've had some very life changing events and LHC to help along the way, I believe that there won't be any huge hair upsets in my future. I sure hope not at least.

In the past I've cut my hair to please exes, colored it when manic, cut it when I was down, colored it when I was angry, cut it out of spite. Did it all just because I could.

I think with my feelings before I think with my brain most times, but I've been working on that with a therapist and (yes) medications. Anger and mania are scissor triggers for me, so getting those two things under control have finally allowed me to join growing threads like the growing from chin to shoulder and the no trim for the last half of 2017 challenge. I haven't done a major chop since the end of last year which is a minor miracle for me.

A lot of this is due to LHC forums being so accepting and helpful. It keeps me informed, entertained and distracted. Babying my hair is a passion now and it keeps me happy instead of stressed out like it used to back when I first joined. I don't feel overwhelmed so much anymore. So thanks, guys! :cheese::disco::cheese:

[ShirleyAnn]

Well I just had a major life change (separated from my husband) and cut my APL hair to the nape of my neck. I cut most of it before I walked out the door, and have been trimming over it the last couple of weeks to even it out.
I know psychology wise it's a fresh start thing but I also have sensory issues which get worse with stress, and my hair touching my face has been driving me batcrap crazy. If I hadn't have left the barber clippers behind I would have gone over my whole head with a 1" comb.

Its settling down now,though. I have my hair cut short on the back and sides, and the top is about 3 inches long, kind of a top heavy pixie. So I guess I have a pretty good foundation for a grow out if I want to let it get to one length before trying to grow it out again.

I just started a food service job so I may maintain shortness for a while.

[NenaE90]

This is a good thread, I'm an emotional trimmer too and I hope i can get over it

[lapushka]

I think I went through quite some phases with my hair, and there definitely was a time where my emotions ran so rampant that I took it out on my hair. Usually to do with L O V E. <sigh> But I outgrew that stage of my life, I think. I do admit, last November was a pretty emotional cut, more emotions deciding than reason, when I went from classic to hip. The irritating factor of having to trim every 4 months to maintain a classic hemline. I think I do better with hair that is between TBL & classic, and I might cut back to that length and save my cuts for every 6 months, that might "lessen" the urge to cut just-like-that.

[hannabiss]

I need this thread. This is the 2nd time Ive shaved my head. I dont mind being bald at all. But I do miss my hair. I shaved it off both times out of depression. Both times Ive shaved I bleached, dyed and cut my other wise fine hair into oblivion. Then decide I hate the way it looks and i shave it all off. I was just at waist. Thats with several trims and cuts along the way. So I know it can grow long in 4 years. Next time I need change Ill buy a wig thats for sure

[Sparklylady82]

This thread has been dead for a year but it is a great topic! I like to dye, bleach, cut out of emotional reasons too. For me, I’m usually feeling confident, or there has been a big change in my life. Also, does anyone notice wanting to chop during certain seasons?!? I’ve been around the forums for 4 years so I’ve noticed my behavior. When spring comes I want to chop. If I do chop by June I want to grow out again. Next year I will remember this!!!

*Sparkly*

[Peppergirl]

I'm new here, but being here is helping me not think about trimming. It is helping me focus. I was obsessed with hair and weight and what other people think of my appearance. No more thoughts like that lately with the emotional trimming. Just focused on being me.

[Notthatclever]

Definitely emotional trimmer (and eyebrow tweezer) I used to carry shears in my purse even and S&D when I was stressed. Kept my hair away from scissors for about 3 months right now, but I still get that itch on stressful days.

[lapushka]

This thread has been dead for a year but it is a great topic! I like to dye, bleach, cut out of emotional reasons too. For me, I’m usually feeling confident, or there has been a big change in my life. Also, does anyone notice wanting to chop during certain seasons?!? I’ve been around the forums for 4 years so I’ve noticed my behavior. When spring comes I want to chop. If I do chop by June I want to grow out again. Next year I will remember this!!!

*Sparkly*

It's been that way for me for years, but I never could get beyond BSL when this was going on. Until I started realizing I was doing this. And it went on for a while while I was already on this forum. This would also be the time when I still dyed and experimented with it all.

Then after a major hair dye disaster, I suddenly... I don't know, had had enough!

You know? Either you are full in for the growth or you're not. I thought so anyway. And that is why I could grow beyond BSL.

[Sparklylady82]

It's been that way for me for years, but I never could get beyond BSL when this was going on. Until I started realizing I was doing this. And it went on for a while while I was already on this forum. This would also be the time when I still dyed and experimented with it all.

Then after a major hair dye disaster, I suddenly... I don't know, had had enough!

You know? Either you are full in for the growth or you're not. I thought so anyway. And that is why I could grow beyond BSL.

Yes I agree. Man, after this last time I chopped and did highlights I feel I've had enough. Now my shoulder length hair is damaged :-( I am doing the no trim 2cnd half of 18' so that will get some length back.

*Sparkly*

[TreesOfEternity]

I’ve been an emotional trimmer for too many years. I’m at a good place emotionally now and fully committed to growing, as if I were a complete different person. Sometimes I fear those times come back but I highly doubt it.

[Sparklylady82]

I’ve been an emotional trimmer for too many years. I’m at a good place emotionally now and fully committed to growing, as if I were a complete different person. Sometimes I fear those times come back but I highly doubt it.

I am so glad you feel good and are encouraged to complete your goals! Wishing you all the best!
*Sparkly*

[TreesOfEternity]

I am so glad you feel good and are encouraged to complete your goals! Wishing you all the best!
*Sparkly*

That’s so sweet of you, I wish you the same! :flower: I’m sure the no trimming challenge for the second half of this year will keep us on track

[Aerya]

*bump*

I've occasionally been a bit tempted to cut in a cute bob lately. Partly because my length is damaged and bothers me a lot...

But I mean, I know very well it's not something I actually want. I'm just barely starting to be comfortable with my length - anything shorter than BSL and preferably longer than that too is just horrible to me! I love the look of bobs ob others, especially curled ones, but they just don't look good on me. My face doesn't suit it and my hair texture/thickness turns into a semi-straight triangle poofball. I'm also way too lazy to heat style everyday, or every week for that matter. So grow I must! But I curse the part of me that is always looking for a quick change, something to obsess over for a little while. I doubt I will ever be rid of those random urges.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

*bump*

I've occasionally been a bit tempted to cut in a cute bob lately. Partly because my length is damaged and bothers me a lot...

But I mean, I know very well it's not something I actually want. I'm just barely starting to be comfortable with my length - anything shorter than BSL and preferably longer than that too is just horrible to me! I love the look of bobs ob others, especially curled ones, but they just don't look good on me. My face doesn't suit it and my hair texture/thickness turns into a semi-straight triangle poofball. I'm also way too lazy to heat style everyday, or every week for that matter. So grow I must! But I curse the part of me that is always looking for a quick change, something to obsess over for a little while. I doubt I will ever be rid of those random urges.

Maybe you can nudge those urges in another direction, such as buying a hair toy or a new outfit instead of cutting your hair? Hair toys will encourage you to keep it long!

[Aerya]

Maybe you can nudge those urges in another direction, such as buying a hair toy or a new outfit instead of cutting your hair? Hair toys will encourage you to keep it long!

I just bought two new hairtoys for this purpose, actually! One fork (my first!) with a crescent moon, and one with a dragon. I have no idea about the quality but I'm stupid excited about the dragon one, lol. I'm very clear on that I don't actually want to cut - I know it's just stress manifesting itself. But those urges are really strong for me, like I get all obsessed. I think I just have a sort of obsessive personality, I can get a little glimpse of something and I dive in head first. :lol:

[Sarahlabyrinth]

I just bought two new hairtoys for this purpose, actually! One fork (my first!) with a crescent moon, and one with a dragon. I have no idea about the quality but I'm stupid excited about the dragon one, lol. I'm very clear on that I don't actually want to cut - I know it's just stress manifesting itself. But those urges are really strong for me, like I get all obsessed. I think I just have a sort of obsessive personality, I can get a little glimpse of something and I dive in head first. :lol:

Hmmm... could be dangerous :p

[lapushka]

*bump*

I've occasionally been a bit tempted to cut in a cute bob lately. Partly because my length is damaged and bothers me a lot...

But I mean, I know very well it's not something I actually want. I'm just barely starting to be comfortable with my length - anything shorter than BSL and preferably longer than that too is just horrible to me! I love the look of bobs ob others, especially curled ones, but they just don't look good on me. My face doesn't suit it and my hair texture/thickness turns into a semi-straight triangle poofball. I'm also way too lazy to heat style everyday, or every week for that matter. So grow I must! But I curse the part of me that is always looking for a quick change, something to obsess over for a little while. I doubt I will ever be rid of those random urges.

I got those urges when "getting used to", or trying to to a new length and kind of failing miserably. I constantly had those urges at FTL and urges to cut short, but FTL was a length that was a bit too long for me, personally. Now at classic, I'm perfectly fine and I don't get any of those urges anymore.

Maybe it's just your hair growing into a new length? How's it going with your length?

[Aerya]

I got those urges when "getting used to", or trying to to a new length and kind of failing miserably. I constantly had those urges at FTL and urges to cut short, but FTL was a length that was a bit too long for me, personally. Now at classic, I'm perfectly fine and I don't get any of those urges anymore.

Maybe it's just your hair growing into a new length? How's it going with your length?

I think for me it's that I'm frustrated with how long it takes to grow. Like I had ~BSL hair, chopped a little bit after bleach, then did a bigger chop to CBL before starting to grow. At BSL I wanted it longer and I kind of.. wanted to be back there right away instead of growing from CBL. It's almost been a year for me now and while I'm almost back at where I was, it feels like it's taking forever, especially with how many setbacks I've caused myself by being an idiot with dye over the years. I also have so much damage to grow out and it's a PITA to deal with. Even if on a rare occasion my length doesn't look like crap, there's still the colour difference. But I mean, I know that chopping again isn't going to make it grow faster; quite the contrary! The thought of having to grow from short hair AGAIN is just painful.

I hope it will get better once I pass BSL and the longest my hair has been in my adult life. Probably. Although when it was BSL it didn't feel long at all, and back then I didn't really care either.. :lol:

[Lady Stardust]

I’m reviving this thread because I get recurring thoughts about chopping a few inches. I know that the reasons are purely emotional, I just want a change and a fresh start. If I thought I would enjoy my hair being shorter for a while, I would just do it, but as it stands I’m pretty sure I would regret it.

I’ve been wearing my hair up for about a month, and that helped, but now I want some variety in how my updos look from the front. I keep thinking that accessories would help, but I don’t know what to get. I’d be the first to suggest scarves, flowers, new hair toys to anyone else, but nothing seems to cut the mustard for me at the moment.

Bleh. I need to hold myself accountable. I will not cut shorter. It will not help.

[Lainey]

It strikes me that we invest so much of our emotional life in our hair so it becomes very easy to obsess about it and link up our anxieties to our hair. I cut my hair at 13 because I had no confidence in myself. I thought new cuts, colours would help. The thing was, my hair was beautiful, long and natural chestnut, but not anywhere near as nice, in the layered, dyed affairs I tried. Now many years later, I finally have the confidence to grow it back long and natural. With the help of this site, I’m finally convinced I can do it. This is a great thread.

[luluj]

I’m reviving this thread because I get recurring thoughts about chopping a few inches. I know that the reasons are purely emotional, I just want a change and a fresh start. If I thought I would enjoy my hair being shorter for a while, I would just do it, but as it stands I’m pretty sure I would regret it.

I’ve been wearing my hair up for about a month, and that helped, but now I want some variety in how my updos look from the front. I keep thinking that accessories would help, but I don’t know what to get. I’d be the first to suggest scarves, flowers, new hair toys to anyone else, but nothing seems to cut the mustard for me at the moment.

Bleh. I need to hold myself accountable. I will not cut shorter. It will not help.

I completely understand, Lady Stardust. :agree:

You mention wanting some variety in your updos, specifically from the front. I get this. For me, personally, adding some face-framing layers helped, it kept me from cutting my length.

Cutting shorter will not help, I agree. Hair accessories, however, can give you a pleasant boost.I like the fancy bobbi pins that you can find at most drug stores or Walmart stores. I will take a side strand, twist it slightly and pin it back, loosely. This helps to soften an updo.

Stay the course, we can both do this. :hifive:

[luluj]

It strikes me that we invest so much of our emotional life in our hair so it becomes very easy to obsess about it and link up our anxieties to our hair. I cut my hair at 13 because I had no confidence in myself. I thought new cuts, colours would help. The thing was, my hair was beautiful, long and natural chestnut, but not anywhere near as nice, in the layered, dyed affairs I tried. Now many years later, I finally have the confidence to grow it back long and natural. With the help of this site, I’m finally convinced I can do it. This is a great thread.

I am so happy that you have found your way here to TLHC, Lainey. Great post, and yes, this is a great thread.

I especially like your signature.....Freedom for sure!

[Lainey]

I completely understand, Lady Stardust. :agree:

You mention wanting some variety in your updos, specifically from the front. I get this. For me, personally, adding some face-framing layers helped, it kept me from cutting my length.

Cutting shorter will not help, I agree. Hair accessories, however, can give you a pleasant boost.I like the fancy bobbi pins that you can find at most drug stores or Walmart stores. I will take a side strand, twist it slightly and pin it back, loosely. This helps to soften an updo.

Stay the course, we can both do this. :hifive:


What great and caring advice, luluj. I have a long growing road ahead but somehow, with the support here, this time I know I can do it.

[Lainey]

Thanks for the compliment about the signature luluj, my sentiments are genuinely from the heart. I’m sure we’ll “meet” on our other favourite thread again soon!

[Lady Stardust]

Lainey you’re right, we certainly do invest a lot of emotion in our hair. For me at the moment, it’s the tactile sensation that matters to me. Certain parts feel grabby, especially around my face. Those parts grow so slowly that it’ll take forever to grow out. I need to remind myself that the same applies if I cut it, those parts will take forever to grow back!

Thank you luluj :blossom: You’ve reminded me about some hair grips that I used to wear, I loved them. My hair is quite sparse at the front and sides though, which is why I’m struggling with how it looks. I can’t do twists or plaits without them just disappearing. I’ve just had another (stress) shed so it will improve a bit. I’ve been a bit wary of using grips around the front because my hair is thinner there, but maybe I could attach them to a scarf instead.

Maybe I should start wearing make up again and change my earrings! There’s more than one way to change the view...

[Lainey]

Lainey you’re right, we certainly do invest a lot of emotion in our hair. For me at the moment, it’s the tactile sensation that matters to me. Certain parts feel grabby, especially around my face. Those parts grow so slowly that it’ll take forever to grow out. I need to remind myself that the same applies if I cut it, those parts will take forever to grow back!


Thank you luluj :blossom: You’ve reminded me about some hair grips that I used to wear, I loved them. My hair is quite sparse at the front and sides though, which is why I’m struggling with how it looks. I can’t do twists or plaits without them just disappearing. I’ve just had another (stress) shed so it will improve a bit. I’ve been a bit wary of using grips around the front because my hair is thinner there, but maybe I could attach them to a scarf instead.


Maybe I should start wearing make up again and change my earrings! There’s more than one way to change the view...

Lady Stardust. My hair is a right mess currently. An overgrown pixie with every single hair a different length. Like yours, mine is very fine round the front too. To add to the hair clip suggestions from luluj, I’ve also found hairbands, matched to my outfit, have been very helpful in negotiating bad hair days. Just a thought.

[Lady Stardust]

Lady Stardust. My hair is a right mess currently. An overgrown pixie with every single hair a different length. Like yours, mine is very fine round the front too. To add to the hair clip suggestions from luluj, I’ve also found hairbands, matched to my outfit, have been very helpful in negotiating bad hair days. Just a thought.

Thank you Lainey :blossom: I’ll have a look into hairbands, I don’t always find them very comfortable but I’m sure there are options out there. I like the idea of a headband with some detail on the side, that would make a nice change.

I remember the pixie grow out and the resulting layers. You’ll be past that soon and basking in your new length.

[Lainey]

Thank you Lainey :blossom: I’ll have a look into hairbands, I don’t always find them very comfortable but I’m sure there are options out there. I like the idea of a headband with some detail on the side, that would make a nice change.

I remember the pixie grow out and the resulting layers. You’ll be past that soon and basking in your new length.

Thanks for the encouragement Lady Stardust. After this I will never have layers again. I’m not sure you would be interested but I’ve been making my own headbands. Easy enough if you follow the many internet videos and don’t mind sewing. I even put some sequins on for a bit of glamour on evening outings. Only one problem- I haven’t been anywhere for the evening since lockdown. Haha, I’m prepared though!

[Lady Stardust]

Thanks for the encouragement Lady Stardust. After this I will never have layers again. I’m not sure you would be interested but I’ve been making my own headbands. Easy enough if you follow the many internet videos and don’t mind sewing. I even put some sequins on for a bit of glamour on evening outings. Only one problem- I haven’t been anywhere for the evening since lockdown. Haha, I’m prepared though!

Ah my Mum used to make headbands from dress material to match her dresses and skirts. I still have one. I’m not great at sewing but I like to have a stab at things! I find stretch jersey the most comfortable as a headband, and I tie it rather that use elastic, because I can never get comfortable with elastic.

I’m not sure that a headband suits me with my hair all off my face, but I’ll have a go at modifying one to see if some extra detail makes a difference. Headbands do at least make me think about them rather than my hair!

Maybe I should put my fringe in rollers and just go rockabilly. I used to do that and it really suited me, but it’s a faff so I didn’t do it very often.

I know what you mean about layers! Never again. I knew that growing out a pixie would be hard, but I didn’t anticipate how many layers that generates.

[luluj]

Thanks for the encouragement Lady Stardust. After this I will never have layers again. I’m not sure you would be interested but I’ve been making my own headbands. Easy enough if you follow the many internet videos and don’t mind sewing. I even put some sequins on for a bit of glamour on evening outings. Only one problem- I haven’t been anywhere for the evening since lockdown. Haha, I’m prepared though!


Ah my Mum used to make headbands from dress material to match her dresses and skirts. I still have one. I’m not great at sewing but I like to have a stab at things! I find stretch jersey the most comfortable as a headband, and I tie it rather that use elastic, because I can never get comfortable with elastic.

I’m not sure that a headband suits me with my hair all off my face, but I’ll have a go at modifying one to see if some extra detail makes a difference. Headbands do at least make me think about them rather than my hair!

Maybe I should put my fringe in rollers and just go rockabilly. I used to do that and it really suited me, but it’s a faff so I didn’t do it very often.

I know what you mean about layers! Never again. I knew that growing out a pixie would be hard, but I didn’t anticipate how many layers that generates.

I make headbands from old T-shirts, nothing at all fancy, but so, so comfy. :cloud9: There are oodles of ideas on Pinterest, here is my go to, because it is simple. :cheer:

https://joannaanastasia.com/amazing-no-sew-headband-tutorial/

[luluj]

Thanks for the compliment about the signature luluj, my sentiments are genuinely from the heart. I’m sure we’ll “meet” on our other favourite thread again soon!

You are more than welcome, Lainey. :blossom:

[luluj]

Lainey you’re right, we certainly do invest a lot of emotion in our hair. For me at the moment, it’s the tactile sensation that matters to me. Certain parts feel grabby, especially around my face. Those parts grow so slowly that it’ll take forever to grow out. I need to remind myself that the same applies if I cut it, those parts will take forever to grow back!

Thank you luluj :blossom: You’ve reminded me about some hair grips that I used to wear, I loved them. My hair is quite sparse at the front and sides though, which is why I’m struggling with how it looks. I can’t do twists or plaits without them just disappearing. I’ve just had another (stress) shed so it will improve a bit. I’ve been a bit wary of using grips around the front because my hair is thinner there, but maybe I could attach them to a scarf instead.

Maybe I should start wearing make up again and change my earrings! There’s more than one way to change the view...

You are most welcome, Lady Stardust. :blossom:

I have never heard the term grips, are they the same as a bobbi pin or a barrette?

[Lady Stardust]

I make headbands from old T-shirts, nothing at all fancy, but so, so comfy. :cloud9: There are oodles of ideas on Pinterest, here is my go to, because it is simple. :cheer:

https://joannaanastasia.com/amazing-no-sew-headband-tutorial/

Ooh what a good idea! I still think I might need a rockabilly fringe for a headband to suit me, but I wear the clothes (and love the music) so maybe I should give it a go :) I used to do wet set curls and they last until the next wash so it wouldn’t be a daily commitment, and would make my hair look fuller...hmm

[luluj]

Ooh what a good idea! I still think I might need a rockabilly fringe for a headband to suit me, but I wear the clothes (and love the music) so maybe I should give it a go :) I used to do wet set curls and they last until the next wash so it wouldn’t be a daily commitment, and would make my hair look fuller...hmm

What is this rockabilly fringe, I need to know! :eye: :lol:

[Lady Stardust]

What is this rockabilly fringe, I need to know! :eye: :lol:

There are quite a few styles, most of which require curling. I used to have a Bettie Page fringe (U shaped) but I grew that out after postpartum shed because it got so thin. If I want to do a quiff/pompadour (swept up and back off the face) I need to curl it because my hair is limp :)

I’m going to try something like Marilyn Monroe, so the hair lifts up and then falls to the side in a curl. I love her hair, because although it was set, it didn’t have to be neat. It still looked good in a breeze and a bit messy.

[Bat]

As a compulsive colour this topic will benefit me though my change is more out of boredom than anxiety

[Dark40]

Aloha All,

So I don't think I've seen a thread like this.

I'm getting better now as my hair has gotten longer, but....
I trim when I'm stressed. Then I'm more stressed because now my hair is shorter. Then I have to live with my shorter hair, and I'm stressed because now it's going to take That.Much.Longer. to grow back to where it was! Then stressed because I've lost that amount of time that my hair could have been that much longer. It's a vicious circle.

On a more serious note, I was in a very long and unhappy marriage. I would trim/cut when I was stressed, frustrated, hoping it would make my hair look better (thus make me feel better), etc., etc. I could never get my hair past shoulder blade length and I really wanted long hair. I'd end up with bad hair cuts, or cut it myself because I couldn't trust hairdressers (my hair has a weird curl pattern) and we all know how well THAT turns out...

So I finally booted the Wasband and lo and behold, my stress levels went down and I could get my hair to grow longer. If I wasn't conscious that I was trimming out of anxiety, it certainly became apparent once the major source was gone.

I thought this might be a nice, safe place to vent, cry, share, get support for those of us who emotionally trim.

~ A.

Ahhh, before I joined here at LHC I used to emotionally trim as well. I am so sorry you went through all of that. When I got stressed out of depressed I would trim an inch of my hair every 2 weeks, and I really didn't need to, and at the time the longest it was....was shoulder length. I also remember when I was 15 years old in high school I gave myself a big hair chop up to a chin length bob. Because, I was going through a manic depressive state. But it eventually grew back within 3 years from that hair cut. So me, after joining here I've learned not to trim as often. I now only trim once or twice a year. Or, whenever I feel there is a need to.

[Lady Stardust]

There are quite a few styles, most of which require curling. I used to have a Bettie Page fringe (U shaped) but I grew that out after postpartum shed because it got so thin. If I want to do a quiff/pompadour (swept up and back off the face) I need to curl it because my hair is limp :)

I’m going to try something like Marilyn Monroe, so the hair lifts up and then falls to the side in a curl. I love her hair, because although it was set, it didn’t have to be neat. It still looked good in a breeze and a bit messy.

Well I’ve made a couple of changes, and they didn’t involve chopping my hair. I discovered by accident that a bun on top of my head suits me, which I never thought it would, as I have a long face. Adding extra height seemed counter intuitive, but there we go. I’m not sure whether I’ll get used to the sensation of my hair going in a different direction, but we’ll see. The extra height makes scarves and headbands look better on me.

I’m also doing a roller set, just on the sides and fringe, to change things up a bit. I haven’t done it for ages so it’ll be trial and error to get it right, but I feel better just for trying.

[luluj]

Well I’ve made a couple of changes, and they didn’t involve chopping my hair. I discovered by accident that a bun on top of my head suits me, which I never thought it would, as I have a long face. Adding extra height seemed counter intuitive, but there we go. I’m not sure whether I’ll get used to the sensation of my hair going in a different direction, but we’ll see. The extra height makes scarves and headbands look better on me.

I’m also doing a roller set, just on the sides and fringe, to change things up a bit. I haven’t done it for ages so it’ll be trial and error to get it right, but I feel better just for trying.

Yay for positive changes! I feel better knowing that you feel better, Lady Stardust. :blossom:

Do you use smaller rollers for the fringe and a bit longer ones for the side? I am envisioning a very pretty look, especially with the top bun and scarves. :crush:

I have a set of steam rollers and there are three different sizes. Now, you may wonder why someone with waves and curls would have a hot roller set perhaps. I gave bangs a go once and I bought the roller set to soften the horns and cork screws that always formed in my bangs. Straight bangs and curly hair is not my best look. Anyway, I used the set maybe 3 times. No bangs for me, lol. It just doesn't work. :rolleyes:

[helluin]

I used to be a emotional timmer, now i haven't done a big chop since 2017!! Only microtrims!

[Lady Stardust]

Yay for positive changes! I feel better knowing that you feel better, Lady Stardust. :blossom:

Do you use smaller rollers for the fringe and a bit longer ones for the side? I am envisioning a very pretty look, especially with the top bun and scarves. :crush:

I have a set of steam rollers and there are three different sizes. Now, you may wonder why someone with waves and curls would have a hot roller set perhaps. I gave bangs a go once and I bought the roller set to soften the horns and cork screws that always formed in my bangs. Straight bangs and curly hair is not my best look. Anyway, I used the set maybe 3 times. No bangs for me, lol. It just doesn't work. :rolleyes:

Thank you luluj :blossom:

I’m using smaller rollers both for the front and sides. I’m using sponge rollers and only have two sizes, the bigger ones looked a bit too big. I think these smaller ones will give me crazy curls but I’ll find out soon enough :) I used Velcro rollers years ago and have those in many sizes, but after trying one in my fringe, I decided they’re the devil and will not have them near my hair again! I never had a problem with them before but they have the potential for disaster.

Ah I completely understand why you tried rollers. My fringe is well behaved but you have to be lucky with your curl pattern to manage a curly fringe. My mum had very wavy hair and she had rollers for a more uniform look. Actually my mum had a cowlick which gave her the exact look I’m trying for with rollers. Hmmm. Could be my subconscious at work!

[ZoeZ]

Velcro hair rollers! Only once! I put them in my shoulder-length hair and it took me hours to get them out! They are the invention of a sadist who hates hair, apparently. shudder: :run:

[luluj]

I used to be a emotional timmer, now i haven't done a big chop since 2017!! Only microtrims!

This is wonderful, helluin. Any tips for us emotional trimmers?


Thank you luluj :blossom:

I’m using smaller rollers both for the front and sides. I’m using sponge rollers and only have two sizes, the bigger ones looked a bit too big. I think these smaller ones will give me crazy curls but I’ll find out soon enough :) I used Velcro rollers years ago and have those in many sizes, but after trying one in my fringe, I decided they’re the devil and will not have them near my hair again! I never had a problem with them before but they have the potential for disaster.

Ah I completely understand why you tried rollers. My fringe is well behaved but you have to be lucky with your curl pattern to manage a curly fringe. My mum had very wavy hair and she had rollers for a more uniform look. Actually my mum had a cowlick which gave her the exact look I’m trying for with rollers. Hmmm. Could be my subconscious at work!

Could very well be your subconscious at work, Lady Stardust. Good luck with the experimenting, I feel that you will be pleasantly surprised by how nice it all turns out.

Velcro rollers are not good for my hair type, ask me how I know. :rolleyes: The steam roller set that I bought have a soft, smooth, velvet like coating on them and what resembles a large u-pin to secure them.


Velcro hair rollers! Only once! I put them in my shoulder-length hair and it took me hours to get them out! They are the invention of a sadist who hates hair, apparently. shudder: :run:

I absolutely understand, ZoeZ. :scared:

[Lady Stardust]

It’s so strange about the Velcro rollers because I never used to have a problem with them at all. I would give them to a charity shop but then some poor soul might end up in a terrible tangle with them.

The curls turned out quite well! The size, direction and placement were all correct (amazingly, I remembered more than I realised). The only thing is I can’t stand them flopping about in my face :) I clipped them back, and now look look bohemian and disheveled, which is a look I like, but not quite what I was going for. The thing is when I aim for edgy rockabilly, I end up with romantic girly. I don’t have the face for “edgy”.

Still, I got my mum’s cowlick spot on!! I couldn’t have planned it better :)

[gillybeanxo3921]

I recently cut my hair back in the same way you all suffer. My hair was finally starting to grow out into a bob, and it still is... it's just an ear length bob now! I convinced myself it was too uneven and too much like a mullet... the mind is so tricky.

The problem with my emotional trimming is the same. I found that I need to stop telling myself that there is something wrong with my hair. I will look in the mirror every day and tell myself how it is all wrong and I will have to "fix" it before it can be grown out. And that is why I cut it in moments of stress and despair. Watch the way you talk to yourself about your hair all of the time! Don't let yourself tell yourself there is something wrong with it. BELIEVE that it is just fine the way it is, especially when you're feeling good and not at all like trimming.

I am not trimming my hair again until 2022 <3 I will slay the dragon this time

[luluj]

I recently cut my hair back in the same way you all suffer. My hair was finally starting to grow out into a bob, and it still is... it's just an ear length bob now! I convinced myself it was too uneven and too much like a mullet... the mind is so tricky.

The problem with my emotional trimming is the same. I found that I need to stop telling myself that there is something wrong with my hair. I will look in the mirror every day and tell myself how it is all wrong and I will have to "fix" it before it can be grown out. And that is why I cut it in moments of stress and despair. Watch the way you talk to yourself about your hair all of the time! Don't let yourself tell yourself there is something wrong with it. BELIEVE that it is just fine the way it is, especially when you're feeling good and not at all like trimming.

I am not trimming my hair again until 2022 <3 I will slay the dragon this time

Exactly, gillybeanxo, I agree with everything you say, 100%.

Good luck with the dragon, he has a formidable foe this time. :patrol:

[Lainey]

I recently cut my hair back in the same way you all suffer. My hair was finally starting to grow out into a bob, and it still is... it's just an ear length bob now! I convinced myself it was too uneven and too much like a mullet... the mind is so tricky.

The problem with my emotional trimming is the same. I found that I need to stop telling myself that there is something wrong with my hair. I will look in the mirror every day and tell myself how it is all wrong and I will have to "fix" it before it can be grown out. And that is why I cut it in moments of stress and despair. Watch the way you talk to yourself about your hair all of the time! Don't let yourself tell yourself there is something wrong with it. BELIEVE that it is just fine the way it is, especially when you're feeling good and not at all like trimming.



I am not trimming my hair again until 2022 <3 I will slay the dragon this time

I have been in this cycle too, Gillybean, for many decades. It’s so hard not to snip and tweak, here and there, when you feel your hair is “not right”. As well as finding support here, the thing that has worked for me is to have a photo montage of my long hair pictures everywhere to remind me of what my hair looks like long. These are decades old but still helpful. That is somehow enabling me to put up with the moments of temptation in between. Also writing out a hair growth schedule so I can see where I’ll be in the months to come. It really is so hard not to cut it and try and make it look right, when you feel it’s all wrong. That’s why I’m growing my hair, so I can pin it up and forget it, once and for all. The problem with fashion haircuts is if they don’t fall right they drive you mad. I always felt maybe if the back were a bit shorter/longer ....one side seems longer than the other...the fringe is too uneven etc etc. It literally drives you crazy and then the scissors come out...sometimes several times in a week. I guess it’s because our confidence is often tied up with our hair. Good luck with your goals.

[hennalonghair]

I used to be horrible for doing this whichbis why I’ve never gotta past TBL. I’ve chopped off large amounts inch by inch but also by cutting out large chunks all at once. I’ve cut if 7 inches in one quick shot. Now I’ve promised myself to NEVER cut my hair while having a bad hair day. Now I understand that hair fullness and texture can change from day to day so any major changes shouldn’t be done then and it’s working.

[hennalonghair]

Velcro hair rollers! Only once! I put them in my shoulder-length hair and it took me hours to get them out! They are the invention of a sadist who hates hair, apparently. shudder: :run:
AGREE! They are a nightmare to deal with especially with curly frizzy hair. I’ve successfully used hot rollers and hot irons with no issues. They were only used on special occasions so no harm was done . Years later I purchased these Velcro ones thinking they’d be a safer choice. Hell no!
Scary. It literally took me hours to get OUT of my hair :disgust:

[Obsidian]

I emotional chop too, all the time. If it wasn't for my hubby asking me not too, I would have shaved it all to a 1/4" last week. For me, its not so much that I think there is anything wrong with my hair but more of a attempt to fix myself with a immediate change.

I get frustrated with something I've done to my hair, some kind of stupidity and chopping it all off takes it away. Of course, then I'm left with the regret of the chop. I want all this beach off my head Right Now! Not so much because it looks weird or is damaged but because its a stupid thing I did and I just want the stupid gone.

Not sure if this makes much sense but I'm trying really hard to not and try to fix a mistake with another mistake.

[luluj]

I have been in this cycle too, Gillybean, for many decades. It’s so hard not to snip and tweak, here and there, when you feel your hair is “not right”. As well as finding support here, the thing that has worked for me is to have a photo montage of my long hair pictures everywhere to remind me of what my hair looks like long. These are decades old but still helpful. That is somehow enabling me to put up with the moments of temptation in between. Also writing out a hair growth schedule so I can see where I’ll be in the months to come. It really is so hard not to cut it and try and make it look right, when you feel it’s all wrong. That’s why I’m growing my hair, so I can pin it up and forget it, once and for all. The problem with fashion haircuts is if they don’t fall right they drive you mad. I always felt maybe if the back were a bit shorter/longer ....one side seems longer than the other...the fringe is too uneven etc etc. It literally drives you crazy and then the scissors come out...sometimes several times in a week. I guess it’s because our confidence is often tied up with our hair. Good luck with your goals.


I used to be horrible for doing this whichbis why I’ve never gotta past TBL. I’ve chopped off large amounts inch by inch but also by cutting out large chunks all at once. I’ve cut if 7 inches in one quick shot. Now I’ve promised myself to NEVER cut my hair while having a bad hair day. Now I understand that hair fullness and texture can change from day to day so any major changes shouldn’t be done then and it’s working.

I identify with both of you, big time. This is something that I have mentioned before, I have been here since 2009 and my goal has always been waist, yet here I am still trying to make it to APL. This time is different, though. This particular thread has been very helpful. We can talk out our frustrations and discuss our emotional triggers.

I am definitely an emotional trimmer so what I have to learn to do is to direct my emotions in a more positive direction. I'm working on this and so far so good.

[luluj]

I emotional chop too, all the time. If it wasn't for my hubby asking me not too, I would have shaved it all to a 1/4" last week. For me, its not so much that I think there is anything wrong with my hair but more of a attempt to fix myself with a immediate change.

I get frustrated with something I've done to my hair, some kind of stupidity and chopping it all off takes it away. Of course, then I'm left with the regret of the chop. I want all this beach off my head Right Now! Not so much because it looks weird or is damaged but because its a stupid thing I did and I just want the stupid gone.

Not sure if this makes much sense but I'm trying really hard to not and try to fix a mistake with another mistake.

The regret is the worst. You make complete sense to me, Obsidian.:blossom:

[ReadingRenee]

I identify with both of you, big time. This is something that I have mentioned before, I have been here since 2009 and my goal has always been waist, yet here I am still trying to make it to APL. This time is different, though. This particular thread has been very helpful. We can talk out our frustrations and discuss our emotional triggers.

I am definitely an emotional trimmer so what I have to learn to do is to direct my emotions in a more positive direction. I'm working on this and so far so good.

Luluj I hear that! I have been here since 2005 and I have never made it to my goal of waist. I always get to MBL and cut a BIG chop. I have always known I was an emotional trimmer but just lately after this last cut, I have realized its actually a bit more insidious than I realized. I know when I am all emotional or mad sometimes I want to cut my hair but this is something a bit different. I manage to grow my hair out through many cutting urges. I finally get it to where I feel like its actually long. Then I start obsessing over thin ends, or the condition, or whatever. I start eyeing bobs and pixies with a heavy thirst and finally I cut it. I always cut it just a little bit, and then i keep cutting it over the next few weeks until its about chin length. I love it for a few months and then the regret sinks in... And I start growing and repeat the cycle.

So this time I looked back at my journal at what was going on in my life when I decided bobs were great and I see that i had actually a big thing happen(I mean besides the pandemic.) I am in my last semester of school and about to graduate and I had just found out that I got the internship that I was terrified of getting. I wanted it but was/am scared of it. Can i do it? will I let them down? Will I fail? The usual. The very next day I cut my hair but I saw no connection. I started looking back at my history and I realized that every time I cut my hair it was right around the time of a big transition or big fear.

What I haven't figured out is, why can I ignore the emotional cutting urges all the way to MBL and then start zeroing in on all my hair flaws and I must cut once I reach that length? Is my emotional cutting willpower just run out? Once I figure that out, maybe I will make it to waist. :)

[luluj]

Luluj I hear that! I have been here since 2005 and I have never made it to my goal of waist. I always get to MBL and cut a BIG chop. I have always known I was an emotional trimmer but just lately after this last cut, I have realized its actually a bit more insidious than I realized. I know when I am all emotional or mad sometimes I want to cut my hair but this is something a bit different. I manage to grow my hair out through many cutting urges. I finally get it to where I feel like its actually long. Then I start obsessing over thin ends, or the condition, or whatever. I start eyeing bobs and pixies with a heavy thirst and finally I cut it. I always cut it just a little bit, and then i keep cutting it over the next few weeks until its about chin length. I love it for a few months and then the regret sinks in... And I start growing and repeat the cycle.

So this time I looked back at my journal at what was going on in my life when I decided bobs were great and I see that i had actually a big thing happen(I mean besides the pandemic.) I am in my last semester of school and about to graduate and I had just found out that I got the internship that I was terrified of getting. I wanted it but was/am scared of it. Can i do it? will I let them down? Will I fail? The usual. The very next day I cut my hair but I saw no connection. I started looking back at my history and I realized that every time I cut my hair it was right around the time of a big transition or big fear.

What I haven't figured out is, why can I ignore the emotional cutting urges all the way to MBL and then start zeroing in on all my hair flaws and I must cut once I reach that length? Is my emotional cutting willpower just run out? Once I figure that out, maybe I will make it to waist. :)

Hi, ReadingRenee. :blossom:

This is a great post, thank-you. You have really got me thinking and I do believe that you are on to something. It makes sense to me that you would cut your hair during a time in your life when you are experiencing a big transition or a fearful event. I think this may be because we feel like we have no control during these events and it is scary, but, we do have control over our hair. This is the reason, I feel, that many people cut their hair after an emotional break-up, such as a divorce or some other life changing event.

Personally, my triggers almost always involve stress or self doubt. I also put too much value on others opinions and comments, instead of letting them go in one ear and out the other, so to speak.

Like I said, you have got me thinking. This is a good thing.

[Bat]

I emotional chop too, all the time. If it wasn't for my hubby asking me not too, I would have shaved it all to a 1/4" last week. For me, its not so much that I think there is anything wrong with my hair but more of a attempt to fix myself with a immediate change.

I get frustrated with something I've done to my hair, some kind of stupidity and chopping it all off takes it away. Of course, then I'm left with the regret of the chop. I want all this beach off my head Right Now! Not so much because it looks weird or is damaged but because its a stupid thing I did and I just want the stupid gone.

Not sure if this makes much sense but I'm trying really hard to not and try to fix a mistake with another mistake.

That makes complete sense to me I'm the same I've shaved my hair off 4 times that I remember all with the intention of not dyeing it, only to dye it weeks months later

I'm currently fighting off the urge to even up some of my layers but they will put me back to chin and I don't want to have hair that short again

[ReadingRenee]

Hi, ReadingRenee. :blossom:

This is a great post, thank-you. You have really got me thinking and I do believe that you are on to something. It makes sense to me that you would cut your hair during a time in your life when you are experiencing a big transition or a fearful event. I think this may be because we feel like we have no control during these events and it is scary, but, we do have control over our hair. This is the reason, I feel, that many people cut their hair after an emotional break-up, such as a divorce or some other life changing event.

Personally, my triggers almost always involve stress or self doubt. I also put too much value on others opinions and comments, instead of letting them go in one ear and out the other, so to speak.

Like I said, you have got me thinking. This is a good thing.

Thanks lululj! I really agree with you that it is a control thing, that makes a lot of sense to me. I think maybe over my lifetime I have gotten into the habit of cutting my hair short when I feel I need control in my life. I wasn't allowed to cut my hair growing up and the first time I did it, I felt so amazing because I had control for the first time. Also my life seemed to get better after that, so it could be mentally associated. I just don't understand why I am able to resist cutting urges only to a certain point. I know I have emotional turmoil in my life quite often! lol Not just every 2 or 3 years.


That makes complete sense to me I'm the same I've shaved my hair off 4 times that I remember all with the intention of not dyeing it, only to dye it weeks months later

I'm currently fighting off the urge to even up some of my layers but they will put me back to chin and I don't want to have hair that short again

I have been where you are Bat! I think that you will find that there is always something you want to improve and you will wish you had just left your hair alone in hindsight. I don't know, but that is how it always was and is for me. Good luck!

[Bat]

.


I have been where you are Bat! I think that you will find that there is always something you want to improve and you will wish you had just left your hair alone in hindsight. I don't know, but that is how it always was and is for me. Good luck!

Pretty much the same for me I shall try my best not to repeat my over dying and cutting cycle

[luluj]

Thanks lululj! I really agree with you that it is a control thing, that makes a lot of sense to me. I think maybe over my lifetime I have gotten into the habit of cutting my hair short when I feel I need control in my life. I wasn't allowed to cut my hair growing up and the first time I did it, I felt so amazing because I had control for the first time. Also my life seemed to get better after that, so it could be mentally associated. I just don't understand why I am able to resist cutting urges only to a certain point. I know I have emotional turmoil in my life quite often! lol Not just every 2 or 3 years.

You are very welcome, ReadingRenee.

I wasn't allowed to cut my hair growing up until I was 13 or 14. There was one time when I asked a girlfriend to cut my hair for me, which she did. It was a terrible cut, of course. We were maybe 12 years old at the time. I remember being afraid to go home, and for good reason. I will never forget the fall out when my Mother saw my new cut. :couch:

Let's hope we will both make it to waist in the future. :blossom:

[ReadingRenee]

Bat yep I know what you mean! Good luck not repeating. Sometimes it takes a while to get out of the cycle.


You are very welcome, ReadingRenee.

I wasn't allowed to cut my hair growing up until I was 13 or 14. There was one time when I asked a girlfriend to cut my hair for me, which she did. It was a terrible cut, of course. We were maybe 12 years old at the time. I remember being afraid to go home, and for good reason. I will never forget the fall out when my Mother saw my new cut. :couch:

Let's hope we will both make it to waist in the future. :blossom:

That is interesting that you weren't allowed to cut your hair either. I waited until I had my own money when I was about 15 and got it cut professionally. I looked up the stylist, made an appointment and rode my bike to her salon. Luckily my mother had too much going on in her own life at that point to get too mad.

Yes! let's both make it to waist! We can do it! I feel like after this last growing and cutting episode I learned a lot about myself and my growing cutting pattern so maybe I will be able to see what I am doing better.

[Alexandrina]

That is interesting that you weren't allowed to cut your hair either. I waited until I had my own money when I was about 15 and got it cut professionally. I looked up the stylist, made an appointment and rode my bike to her salon. Luckily my mother had too much going on in her own life at that point to get too mad.

Nice, way to go to your past self 15 year old Renee!

[Alexandrina]

You are very welcome, ReadingRenee.

I wasn't allowed to cut my hair growing up until I was 13 or 14. There was one time when I asked a girlfriend to cut my hair for me, which she did. It was a terrible cut, of course. We were maybe 12 years old at the time. I remember being afraid to go home, and for good reason. I will never forget the fall out when my Mother saw my new cut. :couch:


LOL aw, well at least she tried

[luluj]

Yes! let's both make it to waist! We can do it! I feel like after this last growing and cutting episode I learned a lot about myself and my growing cutting pattern so maybe I will be able to see what I am doing better.

Yes we can! :bottomsup:

[luluj]

LOL aw, well at least she tried

She did her best and I really liked it at the time, looking back it was awful, lol! shudder:

[aerolith]

I really appreciate this thread. This is exactly what I think I went through in August when I cut off my hair, although it was sort of a combination of factors. I was trying to get a huge scalp buildup under control because I couldn't get at it without pulling out big hunks of hair, which inspired me to get it basically buzzed off at a salon. I do LIKE short hair -- I think I look good with it. But it isn't very practical. I remember constantly having to maintain bobs and pixies during the times I've gotten it cut before. I'm often encouraged by family to cut it back when it gets long, because I've given them the perception that I want it short. And I do... Or did. I feel like I had my fun with it. But long hair is surprisingly easier. It's less to manage and it does genuinely make me feel beautiful when it's just growing in its natural state, where I can middle part it like it wants to go and all my cowlicks are under control. It might not be necessarily glamorous, because I don't use any styling products or heat when it's long & I've got stick-straight hair, but it's just what I look like. And that's fine!

I think as I get older, I'm becoming less concerned with self-image and more concerned with what makes me feel comfortable. I do admittedly love clothes, but I've stopped wearing makeup entirely (partially because of very sensitive skin, but dealing with skin infections all the time made me realize that I don't care about makeup and I'd rather be comfortable and barefaced instead). Similarly, when I let my hair grow out while I was on campus at university, I just straight up stopped thinking about it. I didn't worry about how it looked. That helped me grow it out. With short hair, I'm constantly worried about maintaining the style so I can LOOK better. Kudos to anyone who is confident with short hair and is okay with getting it trimmed up, because I think that's great too! But for me personally, long hair is better for my self esteem because it allows me to not worry about how I look as much, which means less anxiety about my own appearance, which then leads to me being a much more confident, happy person.

For scalp issues, I think I can figure out how to maintain my skin condition while my hair is short; that's a benefit to me cutting it off, because at least now I have a lot of time to figure out possible medications, maybe get a SD diagnosis, and test out products that can help clean my scalp to prevent anything nightmarish from happening again. All's well that ends well, but I'm definitely encouraged to grow it out after this cut.

[Bat]

I'm certainly in this category right now, I'm so annoyed at myself I'd finally cut off bleached ends and my hair was feeling great, but no I just had to use a Color remover for my black, only to find the regrowth I hoped I had under it was gone, and that the black dye I used before had bleached it so it was bright orange.

The deposit dye I put in after made it more of a Auburn, that sounds nice but it really wasn't. After all of that I ended up having to get a boxed semi black, so I was basically back where I'd left off just with more damage than I started.

Since then I've had this strong urge to shave my head again and go cold turkey and grow my natural hair.

but I know me,I've done this before several times, and each time I've felt ugly and several months in I'll Color it again another cycle repeating itself.

I gave myself a slight undercut to hopefully get rid of the urge, it helped briefly but now it's back!

I'm really hoping the urge fades by next month but until then I'll be struggling with it.

I'll make a decision on Halloween and stick with it

[Scottishgirl]

Gosh, me too! I had a major falling out with a family member in November 2017 and went from below BSL to chin length with bangs. What a heartbreaking disaster! I am back at BSL with the bangs almost complet

[Scottishgirl]

completely grown out. I’ll never let someone upset me like that again!

[melesine]

I need this. �� my hair is tailbone and this is right when I get the urge to trim. I’ve never gotten past tailbone as a result. This week I’ve started pondering trim options even though I don’t want to do it. It could also be that I tend to chop in fall/winter. Resisting.....

[luluj]

completely grown out. I’ll never let someone upset me like that again!


I need this. �� my hair is tailbone and this is right when I get the urge to trim. I’ve never gotten past tailbone as a result. This week I’ve started pondering trim options even though I don’t want to do it. It could also be that I tend to chop in fall/winter. Resisting.....

This is the time of year when my resolve weakens. :rolleyes: Not going to give in this time......so I am also resisting.

[Lainey]

This is the time of year when my resolve weakens. :rolleyes: Not going to give in this time......so I am also resisting.

Hi luluj. Do you know what your trigger is at this time of year?

[luluj]

Hi luluj. Do you know what your trigger is at this time of year?

I do, Lainey. It is my need for change, which in the past always led me to the salon for a new look. After a few weeks of the "new look" I would regret the "change" big time. So, I am resisting the urge to cut my hair and looking for other options, such as working on my overall health. Healthy body = healthy hair, so it is still about my hair you see.

So far, so good. Wish me luck!

How are you doing, Lainey? Did you end up trimming a bit?

[Lainey]

I do, Lainey. It is my need for change, which in the past always led me to the salon for a new look. After a few weeks of the "new look" I would regret the "change" big time. So, I am resisting the urge to cut my hair and looking for other options, such as working on my overall health. Healthy body = healthy hair, so it is still about my hair you see.

So far, so good. Wish me luck!

How are you doing, Lainey? Did you end up trimming a bit?


It’s interesting how that feeling suddenly surfaces luluj and then becomes a compulsion. I recognise it well. Although I’ve not trimmed, the last couple of days I’ve been really embarrassed about my hair because it’s wild. My cousin knitted me one of those ponytail woollies (the pattern was posted on here) which has been my saviour. I know once it all goes neatly into a ponytail I will be ok. That’s why I’m not trimming, I’m gritting my teeth instead! Think of your waist length goal luluj....!

[Lainey]

Oh and btw luluj, I commend your idea to work on your health instead. That is such a positive diversion for the chopping urge.

[luluj]

It’s interesting how that feeling suddenly surfaces luluj and then becomes a compulsion. I recognise it well. Although I’ve not trimmed, the last couple of days I’ve been really embarrassed about my hair because it’s wild. My cousin knitted me one of those ponytail woollies (the pattern was posted on here) which has been my saviour. I know once it all goes neatly into a ponytail I will be ok. That’s why I’m not trimming, I’m gritting my teeth instead! Think of your waist length goal luluj....!


Oh and btw luluj, I commend your idea to work on your health instead. That is such a positive diversion for the chopping urge.

Thanks for the support and encouragement, Lainey, it could not come a better time. :flower:

Once you can pull all of your hair into a pony tail, it will be a game changer. You just need to keep your resolve, you will make it, I'm sure of this. :agree:

I am not sure I have heard of the ponytail woolly. How nice of your cousin to make you one, it helps to have someone in your corner to cheer you on, in real life. Of course, we have our many friends here at TLHC, cheering us on and offering support and advice.

How much of your hair are you able to put up into a ponytail at this time?

[Lady Stardust]

I always used to want change at this time of year too, although I haven’t noticed it this year. In the UK education system, the academic year starts in September so it was always a time for new beginnings. My daughter started school in September so that probably scratched that itch for me!

I maintained my length at APL all year, and that’s now helping me to keep my resolve to avoid trimming back. I think the quickest way for me to feel a change is just to grow! It’ll look and feel different in a couple of months that way. If I cut back it would only be to trim out henna, and I’d go back to growing and end up back at APL. Nothing would really feel different.

I’ve had a particularly bad few days and I’m glad to realise that I didn’t have any thoughts of chopping, just in looking forwards.

I’m all for change if it’s something that is really wanted. A fresh start can be good. However I think everyone here is saying that they don’t want to cut because it’s not ultimately what they want to do.

[Lainey]

Thanks for the support and encouragement, Lainey, it could not come a better time. :flower:

Once you can pull all of your hair into a pony tail, it will be a game changer. You just need to keep your resolve, you will make it, I'm sure of this. :agree:

I am not sure I have heard of the ponytail woolly. How nice of your cousin to make you one, it helps to have someone in your corner to cheer you on, in real life. Of course, we have our many friends here at TLHC, cheering us on and offering support and advice.

How much of your hair are you able to put up into a ponytail at this time?

Luluj, I think the ponytail woolly is called a calorimetry. The pattern’s on this site somewhere. It’s the perimeter of my hair that won’t go in the pony. Ive decided I’m just not going to think about it for now. It’s all part of the process and not important in the scheme of things. We’ll get there.

[Lainey]

I always used to want change at this time of year too, although I haven’t noticed it this year. In the UK education system, the academic year starts in September so it was always a time for new beginnings. My daughter started school in September so that probably scratched that itch for me!

I maintained my length at APL all year, and that’s now helping me to keep my resolve to avoid trimming back. I think the quickest way for me to feel a change is just to grow! It’ll look and feel different in a couple of months that way. If I cut back it would only be to trim out henna, and I’d go back to growing and end up back at APL. Nothing would really feel different.

I’ve had a particularly bad few days and I’m glad to realise that I didn’t have any thoughts of chopping, just in looking forwards.

I’m all for change if it’s something that is really wanted. A fresh start can be good. However I think everyone here is saying that they don’t want to cut because it’s not ultimately what they want to do.

You’re doing good Lady Stardust.

[Lady Stardust]

You’re doing good Lady Stardust.

Thank you so much Lainey. I really appreciate your kind words :blossom:

[luluj]

I always used to want change at this time of year too, although I haven’t noticed it this year. In the UK education system, the academic year starts in September so it was always a time for new beginnings. My daughter started school in September so that probably scratched that itch for me!

I maintained my length at APL all year, and that’s now helping me to keep my resolve to avoid trimming back. I think the quickest way for me to feel a change is just to grow! It’ll look and feel different in a couple of months that way. If I cut back it would only be to trim out henna, and I’d go back to growing and end up back at APL. Nothing would really feel different.

I’ve had a particularly bad few days and I’m glad to realise that I didn’t have any thoughts of chopping, just in looking forwards.

I’m all for change if it’s something that is really wanted. A fresh start can be good. However I think everyone here is saying that they don’t want to cut because it’s not ultimately what they want to do.

So sorry that the last few days have been a challenge, Lady Stardust. I am sending you positive, warm thoughts across the ocean. :blossom:

You are so right, we are here because we do not want to cut, not at this time or in the near future. Our emotions very often trick us into thinking otherwise. Like you have done, I am going to maintain for a while, once I reach APL. It is a lovely length, actually. By then I may need to freshen my ends which will be just fine, only a micro-trim though.

[luluj]

Luluj, I think the ponytail woolly is called a calorimetry. The pattern’s on this site somewhere. It’s the perimeter of my hair that won’t go in the pony. Ive decided I’m just not going to think about it for now. It’s all part of the process and not important in the scheme of things. We’ll get there.

Found one, Lainey. I really like how they look. I don't knit, but I do crochet. This would be a nice little project. Yes, no overthinking. Me either.

https://i.imgur.com/F64MRDu.jpg (https://lunapic.com)

[Lady Stardust]

So sorry that the last few days have been a challenge, Lady Stardust. I am sending you positive, warm thoughts across the ocean. :blossom:

You are so right, we are here because we do not want to cut, not at this time or in the near future. Our emotions very often trick us into thinking otherwise. Like you have done, I am going to maintain for a while, once I reach APL. It is a lovely length, actually. By then I may need to freshen my ends which will be just fine, only a micro-trim though.

Thank you luluj :blossom:

APL is indeed a lovely length. I can’t wait to see your beautiful hair at that length. I’d be tempted to stay at APL even longer but I want next year to look and feel different. I expect I’ll maintain for a while at BSL, if I get there.

[luluj]

Thank you luluj :blossom:

APL is indeed a lovely length. I can’t wait to see your beautiful hair at that length. I’d be tempted to stay at APL even longer but I want next year to look and feel different. I expect I’ll maintain for a while at BSL, if I get there.

You are welcome, Lady Stardust.

[Bat]

I've realised I trim when I don't feel my hair is Perfect the more I trim to feel I have the perfect hemline the shorter it get, I've been in a all layers must be even mode Instead of focusing on length that helped me get to almost shoulder in 6 months prior to ruining all of that by bleaching already dead ends. Maybe I will join no trims 2021 then trim back to shoulder if I get to APL by then

[ReadingRenee]

I've realised I trim when I don't feel my hair is Perfect the more I trim to feel I have the perfect hemline the shorter it get, I've been in a all layers must be even mode Instead of focusing on length that helped me get to almost shoulder in 6 months prior to ruining all of that by bleaching already dead ends. Maybe I will join no trims 2021 then trim back to shoulder if I get to APL by then


Yeah, I think in order to grow hair to any kind of length you usually have to be willing to accept some less than perfect hair, and some days when your hair looks bad or you don't like how it looks on your face. That is why its nice to get to ponytail length so you can get it where you are not seeing it. I have learned that lesson s l o w l y over the years. ( I came here in 2005 and well... my hair is shoulder length. :D)

Even now I am contemplating layers because I don't like the way my hair looks between chin and shoulder and maybe layers will make it look better? But I know layers always make it worse! It does feel like such a vicious cycle sometimes doesn't it?

[Bat]

Yeah, I think in order to grow hair to any kind of length you usually have to be willing to accept some less than perfect hair, and some days when your hair looks bad or you don't like how it looks on your face. That is why its nice to get to ponytail length so you can get it where you are not seeing it. I have learned that lesson s l o w l y over the years. ( I came here in 2005 and well... my hair is shoulder length. :D)

Even now I am contemplating layers because I don't like the way my hair looks between chin and shoulder and maybe layers will make it look better? But I know layers always make it worse! It does feel like such a vicious cycle sometimes doesn't it?

It certainly does, I've been wanting long hair since I was 20 here we are 15 years older and my hair is still short ,I got to almost apl in 2016 but then I transitioned and I stupidly cut it off! No more of that from now on, time to let it grow

[shutterpillar]

Hello! I think this might be the thread for me. I recently was growing my hair back to waist length and was hanging just above BSL, but did a HUGE chop a couple weeks ago. It was an impulsive decision rooted solely in anxiety. I completely buzzed the left side of my hair in a side cut sort of way (right to the back of my ear) and then cut about 6 inches off the length turning it into a bob. I did this totally on my own at home.

So here I am. Back at LHC to give myself some accountability. I'll be here a while if I'm going to aim for waist. Right now my side shave is grown out about half an inch and the rest of my hair is right below chin line. I'm severely disappointed in myself especially since I don't particularly like the cut, but here we are. What's done is done. I am hoping to not trim at all for an entire year and use clip-in hair extensions until my side cut gets caught up with the rest of my hair. This is going to be quite a process. lol. 10/10 do not recommend.

[Lady Stardust]

Hello! I think this might be the thread for me. I recently was growing my hair back to waist length and was hanging just above BSL, but did a HUGE chop a couple weeks ago. It was an impulsive decision rooted solely in anxiety. I completely buzzed the left side of my hair in a side cut sort of way (right to the back of my ear) and then cut about 6 inches off the length turning it into a bob. I did this totally on my own at home.

So here I am. Back at LHC to give myself some accountability. I'll be here a while if I'm going to aim for waist. Right now my side shave is grown out about half an inch and the rest of my hair is right below chin line. I'm severely disappointed in myself especially since I don't particularly like the cut, but here we are. What's done is done. I am hoping to not trim at all for an entire year and use clip-in hair extensions until my side cut gets caught up with the rest of my hair. This is going to be quite a process. lol. 10/10 do not recommend.

I’m sorry you’ve gone through a tough time. I can understand how anxiety would drive someone to make a change like that. I find that I suffer from anxiety when things are out of my control. A haircut is something that I can control, and the lure of that can be very hard to resist.

I’ve decided to be in control of my hair in a different way instead, by taking of care of it and giving it the opportunity to grow. It doesn’t give such fast results, but even a month or two shows positive difference. It’s valuable to be able to look back and see progress.

[shutterpillar]

I’m sorry you’ve gone through a tough time. I can understand how anxiety would drive someone to make a change like that. I find that I suffer from anxiety when things are out of my control. A haircut is something that I can control, and the lure of that can be very hard to resist.

I’ve decided to be in control of my hair in a different way instead, by taking of care of it and giving it the opportunity to grow. It doesn’t give such fast results, but even a month or two shows positive difference. It’s valuable to be able to look back and see progress.

Thank you so much, I love this outlook! And you are 100% right about the control part. That is something I have been desperately trying to grasp onto since this pandemic began. It all eventually just got the best of me a couple weeks ago. :doh: But fortunately hair grows, and mine does grow pretty quickly! I've been hanging around LHC off and on for years now so I have a good arsenal of knowledge to get me back to where I'd like to be!

[ReadingRenee]

It certainly does, I've been wanting long hair since I was 20 here we are 15 years older and my hair is still short ,I got to almost apl in 2016 but then I transitioned and I stupidly cut it off! No more of that from now on, time to let it grow

I hear that Bat, good luck to both of us!


Hello! I think this might be the thread for me. I recently was growing my hair back to waist length and was hanging just above BSL, but did a HUGE chop a couple weeks ago. It was an impulsive decision rooted solely in anxiety. I completely buzzed the left side of my hair in a side cut sort of way (right to the back of my ear) and then cut about 6 inches off the length turning it into a bob. I did this totally on my own at home.

So here I am. Back at LHC to give myself some accountability. I'll be here a while if I'm going to aim for waist. Right now my side shave is grown out about half an inch and the rest of my hair is right below chin line. I'm severely disappointed in myself especially since I don't particularly like the cut, but here we are. What's done is done. I am hoping to not trim at all for an entire year and use clip-in hair extensions until my side cut gets caught up with the rest of my hair. This is going to be quite a process. lol. 10/10 do not recommend.

I am sorry you went through that. I know what you mean about anxiety-fueled hair cuts. I have definitely been there and done that, especially with drastic cuts. I hope your hair grows quickly and you can enjoy it as it grows out.


I’m sorry you’ve gone through a tough time. I can understand how anxiety would drive someone to make a change like that. I find that I suffer from anxiety when things are out of my control. A haircut is something that I can control, and the lure of that can be very hard to resist.

I’ve decided to be in control of my hair in a different way instead, by taking of care of it and giving it the opportunity to grow. It doesn’t give such fast results, but even a month or two shows positive difference. It’s valuable to be able to look back and see progress.

Lady Stardust that is an excellent point of view. I REALLY need to remember that. Thank you for sharing that much needed perspective. :blossom:

[Lady Stardust]

You’re welcome shutterpillar and ReadingRenee. I think the main motive for me is for 2021 to at least look and feel different to 2020, and to be able to see how far I’ve come.

[shutterpillar]

You’re welcome shutterpillar and ReadingRenee. I think the main motive for me is for 2021 to at least look and feel different to 2020, and to be able to see how far I’ve come.

Yes, I'd love to see so much growth in my hair in 2021, but also within my soul. I need some internal peace for sure.

[Lady Stardust]

Yes, I'd love to see so much growth in my hair in 2021, but also within my soul. I need some internal peace for sure.

:grouphug: I had some cognitive behavioural therapy, which helped to stop the anxiety taking over. The cause of the anxiety hasn’t gone away, and isn’t going to, but it will get easier and I have a means of coping. It’s worth trying (or revisiting), if you are able to.

[shutterpillar]

:grouphug: I had some cognitive behavioural therapy, which helped to stop the anxiety taking over. The cause of the anxiety hasn’t gone away, and isn’t going to, but it will get easier and I have a means of coping. It’s worth trying (or revisiting), if you are able to.

Absolutely! I have been in therapy for the last 1.5 years trying to get my anxiety and depression sorted out. HUGE internet hugs and love to you. :grouphug:

[Lady Stardust]

Absolutely! I have been in therapy for the last 1.5 years trying to get my anxiety and depression sorted out. HUGE internet hugs and love to you. :grouphug:

Thank you :blossom:

[ebillan]

Nice to hear that I'm not the only anxious trimmer! I have a bad combo of wanting to cut my hair when the anxiety/depression kicks in, and just plain enjoying cutting hair! Luckily my partner has started letting me cut his during the lockdown which helps tame some of the hair-cutting urges.

[Lady Stardust]

My hair has been driving me nuts for a few days and despite pampering the ends, it was difficult to comb them through. My plan for this year was to grow grow grow, so that (a) I was taking control, and (b) my hair would look and feel different to last year. The next few months are going to be hard for me though and the idea of being driven crazy by my hair as well was too much, so I decided to trim, a bit.

It worked out well! I trimmed an inch using Spidermom’s method. It was the first time I’ve used that method properly, so more came off the front sections than the back, to make the U shape. I already had a slight U but this has made it much deeper. It was ideal because the “corners” were the worst sections.

The best part is, I only lost an eighth of an inch off the length! It needed that tiny bit. It feels much better and doesn’t look any shorter. I think I’ve managed to get the best of both worlds - I’ve made the tactile sensation of my hair better and I haven’t detracted from my plan. My hair does look different to last year too. I didn’t have face framing layers or a U shape last year. By the time I get to the anniversary of my dad’s death in April, it’ll be more than an inch longer. I know that might seem like a silly thing, but I have to hang on to these little changes. It’s really hard to move forwards when the current situation means the world is in standstill. These little ways of taking control mean a lot at the moment.

Such a simple thing put a bit of a spring in my step today :)

[luluj]

My hair has been driving me nuts for a few days and despite pampering the ends, it was difficult to comb them through. My plan for this year was to grow grow grow, so that (a) I was taking control, and (b) my hair would look and feel different to last year. The next few months are going to be hard for me though and the idea of being driven crazy by my hair as well was too much, so I decided to trim, a bit.

It worked out well! I trimmed an inch using Spidermom’s method. It was the first time I’ve used that method properly, so more came off the front sections than the back, to make the U shape. I already had a slight U but this has made it much deeper. It was ideal because the “corners” were the worst sections.

The best part is, I only lost an eighth of an inch off the length! It needed that tiny bit. It feels much better and doesn’t look any shorter. I think I’ve managed to get the best of both worlds - I’ve made the tactile sensation of my hair better and I haven’t detracted from my plan. My hair does look different to last year too. I didn’t have face framing layers or a U shape last year. By the time I get to the anniversary of my dad’s death in April, it’ll be more than an inch longer. I know that might seem like a silly thing, but I have to hang on to these little changes. It’s really hard to move forwards when the current situation means the world is in standstill. These little ways of taking control mean a lot at the moment.

Such a simple thing put a bit of a spring in my step today :)

The best of both worlds is wonderful, Lady Stardust. This is a delightfully positive post and I am happy that your trim worked out so well, even a tiny difference in length can make a very big difference in how we feel about our hair.

You don't seem silly, not one bit. Moving forward at this time and embracing even the smallest of changes is to be celebrated.

I now have a spring in my step after reading your post. :flower:

[Lady Stardust]

The best of both worlds is wonderful, Lady Stardust. This is a delightfully positive post and I am happy that your trim worked out so well, even a tiny difference in length can make a very big difference in how we feel about our hair.

You don't seem silly, not one bit. Moving forward at this time and embracing even the smallest of changes is to be celebrated.

I now have a spring in my step after reading your post. :flower:

Ah you’re so lovely luluj. Thank you :blossom:

[luluj]

Ah you’re so lovely luluj. Thank you :blossom:

You are more than welcome, Lady Stardust.:)