What can I do to keep updos from looking too "harsh" around the face?

[TenaciousTangle]

Hey everybody! It's been a while.

I always wear my hair in updos; it's just too long to wear loose without it being a big, annoying production, you know? Plus it never fails to incite the "you should cut your hair" comment. I've been favoring a braided cinnabun and the stay-put bun lately, and when it's not in a bun it's in a braid. A problem with this that I am trying to solve is that while I may feel much more comfortable when my hair is swept back from my face in an updo like that, it doesn't exactly flatter my face. I think I look way more feminine, prettier maybe, when I let my hair down and it frames my face. I asked my mom about it and the way she put it was that when one's hair is pulled back into a bun it "can look a little harsh," like a school mistress! (That's not to exclude guys with long hair, of course. I suppose it could be a school master. ;)) She did add later that it can also be "like a sexy librarian!"

So I have embarked on this mission to find a way to have my cake and eat it too, to be able to wear my hair up in a bun and also have some down around my face somehow to look a little more feminine. My hair is curly and that complicates things. I thought I'd ask the community here if anyone else has this problem and what you do.

The only thing I have found that works so far is a side braid, which does let some hair be down around one side of my face. I don't think bangs are an option, because I have curly hair and the shorter a strand is, the curlier it gets. I'm worried that if I got bangs the hair would coil up into a big puff on my forehead! :rolleyes: And I'm sure the people here will be sympathetic with my hesitation to just chop it shorter or get layers or anything like that! I try pulling out some short locks to let hang around the side of my face, and those look pretty nice when they're wet, like loose ringlets. But as they dry they coil up too, and when I look in the mirror later in the day they can be like springs sticking straight out from my head, defying gravity! I'm learning to appreciate the curls since I let the henna grow out, and I think that would look ok if the rest of my hair wasn't pulled back, but it's a bit of an odd look otherwise.

What else I can try?

[gyhaslan]

My first thought was some long, face framing bangs that you could loosely straighten but the depends on what you can do with your texture.
I find for myself that instead of pulling my hair straight back into the bun, I do a side part first. I like it better and that's how I part my hair when it's down so it kind of echoes that look.

[TenaciousTangle]

Oh, a side part! That's a great idea, thank you. I'm going to try that.

[brickworld13]

Accent braids can help too. They add interest without making styles look so severe.

[Nique1202]

I think long bangs or, another way of thinking of it, a small section at the front of your hair that could be considered a shoulder-length "layer", would probably help without being as frustrating as short bangs. It might be a little harder to separate out than shorter bangs, but shoulder-length bangs look soft and elegant even on curly hair, and they can blend into styles when you don't want them down without any extra pins.

[Madame J]

Nightshade did a tutorial a while ago on how to add a little lift to updos in the front to avoid the "tight bunned mean lady" look. I can't find it in the articles archive, but it basically involved twisting a half-up sized section, poofing it up a little, and securing it with a bobby pin while you did your updo. Then, you take the bobby pin out to make the soft front look more natural. It basically just gives a pulled-back look that isn't pulled back so severely.

That's not a very good explanation. Maybe someone will be able to find the tutorial I mean.

[Arctic]

You can also simply loosen the scalp hair of any bun you have made, just by gently tugging the scalp hair a bit, or gliding your fingers under the scalp hair and slowly and gently moving/twiggling them. This gives always some lift and volume and makes the whole hair style softer looking.

[LongCurlyTress]

Here is gossamer's video on twisting front hair sections to soften the look before putting the rest of the hair into a bun. She is gorgeous no matter how she wears her hair!! :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xm7YcsdZX40

Hope this helps! ;)

ETA Is this what you are describing , Madame J? :popcorn:

[Robot Ninja]

You could do a twist with the front part of your hair before you bun it. It was a hairstyle of the month in April, so that thread will have some tutorials and examples. I find making my bun at the crown of my head rather than at the back looks less severe. Wearing dangly earrings also helps, if that's an option for you.

[lapushka]

Curly hair? But your data says 2a? If it's 2a, I'd be hesitant to get side bangs or pieces that stick out, because they can stick out in "sticky" ways instead of being nice and flowy. It's for anyone in the 2s. It gets better when you're a 3.

[starshade]

On my hair which is a bit curlier than yours, a side part with longish side swept bangs left out of the do works well. They come to about chin-level when curly. It also makes my round face look not so round

[Entangled]

You could try doing side twists, at your temples. Rapunzel's Resource has a lot of tutorials that involve those. She often does more historical styles, and there's a lot of feminine looks there.

[DollyDagger]

Besides all the other great ideas for softening up the hair at the front ..I really agree with the Robot Ninja that a nice pair of dangly or whimsically inspired earrings can be really helpful.

[Groovy Granny]

Great ideas ladies...that can be a problem for me as well!
Not so much when I have a major curl explosion in humid weather (all my new scalp growth poofs up lol)...but more in dry air when my hair is sleek.
I remedy that by trying to lift my front edges a bit as was suggested, and also by pulling out tendrils of hair at the temples and ears to soften the look.
If they are too long, I may snip them a wee bit to look/shape better, but long enough so they will be caught in buns and pony tails as well.
To complete the look I bling it up with unique dangly matching earrings from Etsy shops :)
Hope you post pics of your trials :popcorn:

[WaitingSoLong]

This is why I stretched my ears (gauged). EARRINGS. Also a decorative pair of glasses. I like my helix piercing the best (upper, outer ear). My hair is stick straight and doesn't "texture" at all. I tried the bangs and regret it.

[hannabiss]

Make you bun high so it can be seen from the top. I think it makes it less harsh looking. Or a bun on the side so you don't look ultra sharp. Also if you can fluff and loosen the hair on the scalp is good. (This is in case you don't want bangs)

[Groovy Granny]

Make you bun high so it can be seen from the top. I think it makes it less harsh looking. Or a bun on the side so you don't look ultra sharp. Also if you can fluff and loosen the hair on the scalp is good. (This is in case you don't want bangs)

I need to try this....but then I struggle with new nape growth fall out. ;)

[meteor]

I think the suggestion to make a little poof (check out that video by gossamer ;) ) is a great one. :thumbsup:
You can also accent-braid the area in the front a bit, and push it a bit forward and incorporate the mini-braid(s) in the bun - it gives both the little poof at the roots, but also some softness and interest along the scalp.

Another thing that helps is Faux-hawks (with French braid or buns stacked on top of each other).

If you want specifically some loose layers around your face, then you can just leave them out of any updo (maybe curl them without heat?) or you can do half-ups. I find half-ups really help reduce the tangling compared to loose hair.

[missblueeyes]

You can also simply loosen the scalp hair of any bun you have made, just by gently tugging the scalp hair a bit, or gliding your fingers under the scalp hair and slowly and gently moving/twiggling them. This gives always some lift and volume and makes the whole hair style softer looking.

This worked so well for me when my hair was shorter than waistlength. Now, the bun just gets too heavy and just slides further down when I do this. If I secure it with a bobby pin, it pulls on my hairline until I take it out again. :( I wish it still worked, though.

[Arctic]

This worked so well for me when my hair was shorter than waistlength. Now, the bun just gets too heavy and just slides further down when I do this. If I secure it with a bobby pin, it pulls on my hairline until I take it out again. :( I wish it still worked, though.

Oh no, sorry to hear that. I didn't realize it was a length specific, but now that you say it does make sense (more heavy bun). I only learned this trick earlier this year and have been using it quite a bit - too bad if it stops working!

[Stephanie]

I have long bangs for this very reason. However, my hair is stick straight, so I have to curl them (I just use a flat iron on a lowish setting) to get lift at the scalp and a soft curve at the end. They're very fine and thin, so it's not much hair, but just enough to soften the look.

[akuamoonmaui]

You can also simply loosen the scalp hair of any bun you have made, just by gently tugging the scalp hair a bit, or gliding your fingers under the scalp hair and slowly and gently moving/twiggling them. This gives always some lift and volume and makes the whole hair style softer looking.

Ditto. After bunning, I use my fingers to slide them up past my ears into my hair, then gently loosen my hair. It does the trick. I also predominantly use a hair stick or fork so the bun isn't tight either. Spin pins hold my hair tighter, but I can still loosen if I don't pull the bun tight to begin with.

[rhosyn_du]

I really like Ewardian twists. I usually do them a bit lower on the sides than the video LongCurlyTress posted, and with an explicit twist from the part along the front hairline rather than a poof, but it's the same basic idea. Another option is to do heidi/milkmaid braids with the front of your hair, and then bun the back, or even just wear a false hair braided headband.

[Hypnotica]

I do a front bump, like this (I do twist the section much more then in the video thought): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9Oi2iIvQgw

I have a friend that always do this before bunning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnybNq4YqJE

[MoreAutumnForMe]

You could try doing side twists, at your temples. Rapunzel's Resource has a lot of tutorials that involve those. She often does more historical styles, and there's a lot of feminine looks there.

Ooh! Lots of ideas there! :heartbeat Here's a link. (https://rapunzelsresource.wordpress.com/style-index/)


I do a front bump, like this (I do twist the section much more then in the video thought): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9Oi2iIvQgw

I have a friend that always do this before bunning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnybNq4YqJE

I saved these too; thanks!!

I brush my hair upside down and then do the bun, and it comes out looser :)

[Groovy Granny]

I do a front bump, like this (I do twist the section much more then in the video thought): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9Oi2iIvQgw

I have a friend that always do this before bunning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnybNq4YqJE


Ooh! Lots of ideas there! :heartbeat Here's a link. (https://rapunzelsresource.wordpress.com/style-index/)



I saved these too; thanks!!

I brush my hair upside down and then do the bun, and it comes out looser :)
Great tips (bookmarked) ~ thanks ladies :thumbsup:

[WaitingSoLong]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-yRpzSxk58&list=PLyWBkMVwiBMUYMCGDTy61emMPP-r6UoAy

This girl has the wispies I never could seem to make work for my hair. Maybe for you?

She uses a pick to loosen the hair (same idea as suggested here by using hands/fingers).

[mira-chan]

I go through this issue about once or twice a year. Start looking for ways to have something face framing. Though in my case it's usually ends up as "don't do it, stupid." I have enough wispies like the girl in the youtube video above. Unfortunately these are 2b wispies that at best stand perpendicular to the sides of my head and at worse stand straight out as a nice even halo. I've gotten wonderful antenna and "ahoge." I've never heat styled, and knowing myself, won't do it in the future. Bangs or anything short would probably give me a lovely "freshly electrocuted" look that is very not in now that it's not the 80's. Volume is not the issue here. o.O

I'm trying to do this because my face can look way too thin so something on the sides would look nice. It's also why my goal is a wrapped crown braid that I can wear regularly. I have an oval face but thin. Front bump doesn't work as it makes my face look thinner, I need something on the sides not top. The closest to bangs I've had since 6 years old is collar bone layers that didn't lay very nicely. Plus when short my hair is painfully pokey... coarse hair issue. I need to work on side twists more but so far they've all failed as my hair escapes from that in about 15 min unless they are very visibly bobby pinned at half inch intervals.

I keep hoping and looking anyway. I was actually googling this earlier to no avail. It's definitely seems to be easier to do with straighter or curlier hair as lapushka mentioned.

[missrandie]

I have this saved on my phone as a reminder for when I can bun again.. I love this look! It definitely looks soft to me, though I won't be using pony bands.
http://www.freckled-fox.com/2013/07/hair-tutorial-bouffant-bun.html

[yogagirl]

I have this saved on my phone as a reminder for when I can bun again.. I love this look! It definitely looks soft to me, though I won't be using pony bands.
http://www.freckled-fox.com/2013/07/hair-tutorial-bouffant-bun.html
I love that look as well! You could easily make the bun with spin pins instead of the messy ponytail bun she does. I might try his soon :)

[yahirwaO.o]

Well Im not big help, I part and fancy my hair down the middle and often looks severe on some people, still its better thatn super slicked back hair.
Any type of lace braiding or accent braid helps a lot. And yes pretty decorative pins, a colorful vibrant scarf around the head, a vintage headband even a zipper chain if you are extremely edgy.

...and yes side sweept curved band mixed with a super high bun does soften a lot and looks pretty feminine!

[spirals]

Finger/marcel waves--I do them often with clips from the beauty supply.

[elea]

Leave strands out if you have some shorter ones or braid/twist loose work if it is all long.
All tied back usually gives the "severe" look, some decoration on the way to the buns breaks that a bit.
Hope it helps or gives ideas.

[Kendrix]

I've always felt similarly here. I have mostly straight hair, but bangs are a no go and make my forehead break out.

BUT I always found success when the bangs grew out to chin length. They would frame my face so nicely.

You are a curly, but surely you can cut a few pieces that will hang around chin length. They'd be longer of course because curl, but still just a gently face frame and doesn't take a lot of hair.

Edit: I did actually start cutting a layered face frame into my hair until it got to waist and stopped to let it grow out. Once those short pieces get to cbl, the don't look so awesome out of the bun anymore imho

[Laurenji]

What I do is French braid the middle of my hair - so, take about 5 inches from the very front of my hairline, then braid straight back, only adding hair from that 5 inch strip until I reach the curve of my head at the back. Kind of like a French braid Mohawk. Then I just bun as normal.

[Nightshade]

Nightshade did a tutorial a while ago on how to add a little lift to updos in the front to avoid the "tight bunned mean lady" look. I can't find it in the articles archive, but it basically involved twisting a half-up sized section, poofing it up a little, and securing it with a bobby pin while you did your updo. Then, you take the bobby pin out to make the soft front look more natural. It basically just gives a pulled-back look that isn't pulled back so severely.

That's not a very good explanation. Maybe someone will be able to find the tutorial I mean.

Here's what I do :)

Section the front of hair
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-C1ROzax0BzA/U5mq8y32icI/AAAAAAAAIA8/xjJ0n-nDVwg/s512-Ic42/Updo-Lift-1.jpg

Twist
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-32Bf3r94o6E/U5mq8-_ZegI/AAAAAAAAIAw/7tYXZqEMUYQ/s512-Ic42/Updo-Lift-2.jpg

Push forward so the front poofs and secure with bobby pin
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-sfzH6JePrBU/U5mq86udnbI/AAAAAAAAIAs/C4hP0K8O1Uo/s512-Ic42/Updo-Lift-3.jpg

Ta-da!
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-rC7YXKcw9mw/U5mq9iqG9LI/AAAAAAAAIA0/PDmL3WGE-Mo/s512-Ic42/Updo-Lift-4.jpg

If you have face framing layers, like I do, I tend to pull them out before step 1, like so (https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-BS5qFbltjKs/VcT3MGXu38I/AAAAAAAAOvI/WLHFt2R5I00/s512-Ic42/20150807_131815.jpg) :)

[spirals]

Nightshade, I knew you were pretty, but just...wow. Those eyes!

[meteor]

Nightshade, I knew you were pretty, but just...wow. Those eyes!

Oh definitely! :agree: Just Gorgeous! :D

Spirals, how do you do your finger waves/marcel waves with clips? :D I find those pretty difficult. Any products or styling tips? ;)

[spirals]

I actually put in all the duckbills first, getting the side to side wave pattern going. I don't use my fingers; I let the clips push the hair toward the face and toward the back alternately. After I put those in I push each section directly up toward the top of my head. This will form a wave in between the duckbills, which I grab with a wave clip (the pinchy kind that you get at Sally's).

I wear them overnight and in the morning I take out the clips, spray with non-aerosol hairspray, and put the clips right back on for 10 minutes until it dries, usually while I drive to work, lol. The other day I almost forgot to take them out once I got to work. That would've been funny.

[meteor]

^ That sounds like an awesome technique! :thumbsup: Thanks a lot, spirals! :flowers:

[Nightshade]

Nightshade, I knew you were pretty, but just...wow. Those eyes!


Oh definitely! :agree: Just Gorgeous! :D

Thank you both so much :) I didn't like my eyes forever because everyone else in my family has vibrant blue eyes and mine are gray. I've since realized that gray eyes are pretty unique and like them a lot ^_^

[JadedByEntropy]

something i've noticed works wonders for a pixie or harsh buns/styles in general is a [nonelastic] headband. a thin string or a lacy band...Any kind of headband makes for an instantly girlish and much kinder hairstyle.

The elastic kind are difficult to keep in place with updos and look too much like a functional frizz-keeper and do the opposite.

[LongCurlyTress]

I love the long earrings idea!! Great thread topic!! Thanks for posting!! :applause

http://www.freckled-fox.com/p/hair-beauty_4.html

https://rapunzelsresource.wordpress.com/style-index/

I appreciate both of these links so much!! Thank you for posting them Entangled, MoreAutumnforme and missrandie! ;)

[endlessly]

I was in this same boat not too long ago! Whenever I wore an updo, I was told I looked too old and harsh, but I certainly didn't feel comfortable enough wearing my hair down because of comments and it catching on things. So, I took the more "drastic" approach and gave myself sideswept bangs. Honestly, it terrified me at first and they were so difficult to work with, but they are much more flattering. Since you mentioned that bangs weren't really an option, I'd recommend "poofing" your hair a bit on the sides or top when you do style your hair as adding a bit of volume can also help avoid the "harsh" look.

[browneyedsusan]

I pouf up the top and anchor with a couple of bobbypins--It sometimes looks soft, and sometimes looks like a fierce fauxhawk!--, or twist up a headband braid very close to my hairline to give some interest. :)

[Neecola]

Wow, am I glad I clicked! Lots of great ideas here.

I cut in some wispy pieces at my temples and above my ears and really like the effect. If my shorter pieces look wonky to me, I just dampen them and pin curl them. Because they are such small pieces of hair, they are dry by the time I'm done doing the rest of my hair. This might work for you since you do have some natural curl.

I love Edwardian twists and deep side parts. Accent braids don't really show up with my hairtype so I don't do much of those. As also mentioned here, very high or side buns so that you can see some of the style peeking out really adds interest too. And I LOVE my dangling earrings!

[Entangled]

I love the long earrings idea!! Great thread topic!! Thanks for posting!! :applause

http://www.freckled-fox.com/p/hair-beauty_4.html

https://rapunzelsresource.wordpress.com/style-index/

I appreciate both of these links so much!! Thank you for posting them Entangled, MoreAutumnforme and missrandie! ;)

You're welcome. I love Rapunzel's resource; she's got a lot of feminine, "nice" updos, which are wonderful when I want something more than functional. Of course, her skill level at styling is higher than mine;)!

I'm trying to think about growing my bangs out or not. On one hand, they do soften updos, but in the other hand, they always look the same, and look kind of stringy even when they're clean. I don't really style them as straight across, because I don't like the way they look, but growing out takes such a long time, and the last time I had no bangs, I didn't do many updos but hated the way my hair looked pulled back in a ponytail.

[spirals]

For those of you with bangs:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/4c/1e/9b/4c1e9b2f66a1b75d7c63e5bb5381a664.jpg
It doesn't need to be heat-styled. I'd set in these: http://s3.amazonaws.com/mws-assets-production/app/public/spree/products/11928/large/diane-magnetic-rollers-12-pk-1-d27xx.jpg?1421693952

They are not uncomfortable unless you sleep on your face. The yellow one--third from the left--is the right size for that. You can do a dry set by spraying a lock with non-aerosol hair spray and rolling up immediately. You just need to leave them in until the hairspray dries, maybe 15 mins. I've been known to blast with the hairdryer on cool shot also.

[spidermom]

I got a lot of good ideas about my hair by going to YouTube and typing "flattering hairstyles for square face shape". You could try that for your own face shape.

[LongCurlyTress]

You're welcome. I love Rapunzel's resource; she's got a lot of feminine, "nice" updos, which are wonderful when I want something more than functional. Of course, her skill level at styling is higher than mine;)!

I'm trying to think about growing my bangs out or not. On one hand, they do soften updos, but in the other hand, they always look the same, and look kind of stringy even when they're clean. I don't really style them as straight across, because I don't like the way they look, but growing out takes such a long time, and the last time I had no bangs, I didn't do many updos but hated the way my hair looked pulled back in a ponytail.

When I grew out my bangs --(currently at collarbone length yay!!) I braided them into a side braid with a bobby pin and then did a bun with the rest of my hair. My bangs grew really quickly also at 1 inch a month so that made me happy. I know the bang dilemma as I have seen so many long hairs who look so pretty with them and yes they do dress up your face so a bun isnt so severe looking however, with me being a curly 3b girl, a car ride, rain etc would drive my bangs all crazy. Plus it gets really hot where I live and anything on my face in the summer drives me bonkers. So no bangs for me! I sometimes do a center part or a side part for some bun variety. LOL!! ;)